The Family Way

by Christopher DiRaddo

The year Paul turns forty, his friends Wendy and Eve ask him to help them get pregnant. Nothing about the process feels natural to him. But for a gay man of a certain age, making a family still means finding your own way through a world with few ready answers. The eighteen-month journey reveals many insights about Paul's past and present, from his strained relationship to his father, his overprotective relationship with his partner Michael, and the many friends around him whom he considers his family.

Genres: Fiction, LGBT, Queer, Canadian Literature, Canada

418 pages, Paperback

Published September 1, 2021

About the author

Christopher DiRaddo is the author of The Family Way (2021), shortlisted for the F.G. Bressani Literary Prize, and The Geography of Pluto (2014). His work has appeared in First Person Queer, Here & Now (Volumes I and II), and The Globe and Mail, among others. He has written for publications like Elle Canada, Xtra, and enRoute, winning a National Magazine Award. In 2014, he founded the Violet Hour Literary Series & Book Club, supporting over 300 LGBTQ writers in Canada. He lives in Montreal. IG: chrisdiraddo

Reviews

[Candi · Rating 3 out of 5]

“I accept that your life is different. It doesn’t mean I love you any less. But you have to accept that mine is different, too.”

Besides learning a lot about what it might be like living the life of an ordinary gay man in 2011, I also culled some valuable life lessons. Number one, the quote above. Paul has had a tense relationship with his father ever since his mother died. This was further strained by his coming out, though strings were certainly not severed between the two. His sister Kate has always been supportive. Maybe because I’m looking at this from another angle, that of a heterosexual woman, I noted a couple of ‘takeaways’ from this novel. Acceptance and working on relationships go both ways. It’s give and take, right? Paul is hesitant to accept his father’s new family – wife and stepchildren. He also balks at the news that Kate might have marriage difficulties. He likes Kate’s husband and feels bad for the guy. He can’t imagine Kate wanting something more than she already has. I guess we can’t help but imagine our parents and siblings always being content with one another and their partners. We want that for them. Even if we know that our own relationships and desires are constantly shifting, changing. We grow and develop, often at different rates from our own partners. It’s hard to accept that others might be doing the same. This was a learning experience for Paul as well.

Oh, and the main premise of the book! Paul’s friends Wendy and Eve want him to be a sperm donor for them. There’s a wild ride that ensues (well, actually, to be fair, it was more clinical), but also a lot about what it means to be a mother, a father, any kind of parent figure. What makes up a family? Not just our blood relatives, of course. In my opinion, the more love a child can get, the better off they are!

Anyone that has read my ramblings before will know that I’m rather obsessed with certain things. Yes, bourbon cream is one of them. So is the idea of someday returning to Cape Cod and Provincetown. That last is thanks to Michael Cunningham and his book, Land’s End: A Walk in Provincetown. But Michael Cunningham failed to fully inform me. I have to thank author Christopher DiRaddo for rescuing me from a bit of a faux-pas when I do finally make it back to P-town. Note to self, a tea dance is not the same as a tea party with the addition of a bit of music. I shall refrain from making an ass of myself by showing up at one of these events with purse, pearls, fascinator, and an urge for a cup of earl grey.

“I knew it was dangerous to bring him there that first time. I have these flashes of driving him to the end of the Cape and opening the door. Like releasing a rehabilitated animal back into the wild.”

In addition to P-town, this was a fun romp through Montreal, a city I recently had the privilege of visiting for a university visit once our hospitable Canadian neighbors opened the border back up to us silly US citizens. I’m sorry it hasn’t been reciprocated back in this direction. The side trips to Provincetown were a delight and indulged a wish I’ve had ever since going there with my young children about a decade ago. One thing I found a bit lacking was some of the visual descriptions I love so much when making an armchair visit to another place. I know that wasn’t the point of the book; I realize DiRaddo wasn’t meant to be my personal tour guide! This one was heavier on the dialogue and everyday life descriptions. Even this Chatty Cathy can find dialogue to be exhausting after a while, and the intestinal complaints of the family cat… well, I have two of my own feline friends and that’s quite enough for me – ha! All joking aside, this book served a great dose of entertainment and scratched an itch I haven’t been able to reach in quite some time.

“We’re often attracted to our own shadows. Not to those who are like us, but to those we’d like to be. They often end up being the most significant relationships because we learn from them.”

[Charles · Rating 4 out of 5]

While The Family Way successfully paints an engaging portrait of a middle-aged gay man as a tentative sperm donor for his lesbian friend, thereby doting the entire storyline with solid (if predictable) time markers and contemporary reflections, I feel thankful for everything else in this novel.

It’s been a minor but consistent pet peeve of mine for a while now that fictional representation of gay male characters (and protagonists especially) tends to pigeonhole them into a few convenient caricatures, with one main divide: the anguished, unassertive, uneasy types on the one hand, closeted or not, and their loud, conspicuously promiscuous, extroverted counterparts on the other. Either they’re searching for themselves and we’re running around in circles with a story that has been told a thousand times already or they’ve found themselves and from that point on can only appear as shallow, it seems.

Whatever happened to diversity, anyway? Where’s the bell in that bell curve?

The Family Way blurs the lines and shies away from extremes, positioning things that much closer to reality. For this, my hat’s off to DiRaddo, who also, once again, depicts a Montreal that I recognize and can vouch for, just like in The Geography of Pluto a few years back. This is it, people, this is the real thing: current-day gay Montreal blooms in these pages. The easiness of it, the casualness, the haunts, they all amount to a vibe perfectly captured.

Provincetown also appears, on occasion. As a summertime pilgrimage, the popular destination brings a touch of adventure to a mostly homey story. Every trip to Provincetown triggers a welcome growth in some of the characters, including Paul, our protagonist.

Caution: may contain nuts.

[Darryl Suite · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this over the weekend and I’m still ruminating over it. It’s deceptively simple, but there’s actually a whole lot to unpack and reflect upon. So many takeaways and lingering moments. And honestly, the book was such a warm place to spend my time.


There’s something so undeniably ordinary and real and natural and relatable about this novel, like I was watching a real-life circle of friends interacting. And in Montreal, my own backyard no less. This novel is very down to earth and slice of life. There’s absolutely nothing heightened. It just is.


What is family? And what makes up a family? I loved how the book explored biological family and chosen family in a myriad of ways: Our protagonist Paul still grieves for his deceased mother; has a complicated relationship with his father; worries about his sister’s choices; is a sperm donor to his lesbian friends who want to have a baby; is going to become a father but also not be a “father,” is protective of his younger boyfriend, mourns for his dead mentor, considers the male friends in his life to be his family unit.


Just as DiRaddo explores families, he also discusses relationships in nuanced ways. Monogamy versus open relationships and all the messy complications that come in between. Father figures in sexual relationships. Younger partners. Unrequited love(s). Older generation gay life vs young gay life. Marriage. Sexuality. He even touches on the time when AIDS/HIV entered the equation and how this changed the dynamic of sex and queer existence.


There are three moments in the book that were incredibly moving to me: one is a near breakup scene, one takes place between two friends in a church, and one is a much needed talk between a father and son.


To sum it up, this book was such a joy to read. There was something very light-hearted and folksy about it. Even with all this “angst,” it never dipped into melodrama or bleakness or heaviness. Because the prose is very straightforward and the text is dialogue heavy, it’s easy to think this book isn’t doing all that much. But it’s really when you sit down and think about it, you realize just how much insight it has to offer. But even better than that, it’s all about the pleasant reading experience to be had during the process of reading it. It was nice reading about several characters, who although imperfect, were all good people. I really, really, really didn’t want to leave this friendship group. As cheesy as it sounds, they felt like family.

[George Ilsley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This wonderful novel swept through my life like a sub-tropical Canadian breeze (!), melting all resistance and carrying me away.

This is a powerful, complicated novel, and I don't think the book description here really does it justice.

At times I felt the novel was too long, and too detailed about everyday activities. But then the ordinariness of these rituals, like making tea for a guest, lulled me into the intimacy of the moment— those quiet casual moments in life when we spontaneously have an important conversation.

The cumulative effect was that I was swept away, won over, and I felt like I was living with a whole new group of friends. The characters, setting, and situations in this novel are all grounded in reality and ultimately that is what I appreciated the most. The complicated honesty was perfect and true.

Whatever you may think about this book from reading the blurb—it is much more than that. And yes, it gets pretty steamy in Canada.

[Erik · Rating 3 out of 5]

In The Family Way, Christopher DiRaddo uses ties to gay classics like Ethan Morden's Buddies series and Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City to tell a story of gay life in the 21st century.

Paul is a 40-year old gay man living in Montreal in 2011 with his younger, late-twenties boyfriend, Michael, his collection of gay friends, Charles and Danny, and a litany of friends and family. Against this backdrop, his longtime lesbian friends, Wendy and Eve, ask him to be their sperm donor as they attempt to start their own family. What transpires is a collection of gay adventures for the modern era: trips to Provincetown, conversations about open relationships, monogamy, and threesomes, debates about alternative forms of family-building, and discussions of survivor's guilt, brought on those older gays who watched their friends die during the AIDS crisis and yet somehow survived. and through all of this DiRaddo manages to tell a compelling story of love between friends, lovers, and with one's self.

DiRaddo is clearly influenced by the styles of Maupin and Morden - gay literary figures who managed to truly capture gay life in their respective decades. And DiRaddo does a nice job eliciting them in his writing (I even thought "hmm, this sounds like Ethan Morden" before Ethan Morden was name dropped in the book). But DiRaddo's writing is plagued by too much detail: in an attempt to convey a sense of everydayness he spends too much time opining on literally everything each character does minute-by-minute. This tendency makes an otherwise enlightening book feel a bit clunky. Nonetheless, DiRaddo's contribution to this vein of gay literature is significant and I cannot wait for the sequel to learn how Paul, Michael, and others grow and change.

[Felice · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed DiRaddo's The Geography of Pluto, but I wasn't prepared for how substantially more developed this novel is, and how enjoyable on several levels. The title refers, of course, to the ongoing plot arc of a maturing gay man attempting to sire a child with long time friends: Lesbian lovers. And on that level the book deals with the ups, downs, theories and ideas, and the rethinking of all those by the narrator. But the family is also a real one: of Paul's sister and his remarried father, and that father's new family; and that sister's ex husband and new lover: how we can or cannot relate to these mixed families. Then there is the family -a small community in fact--of Paul and Michael's gay male friends and their partners and their own families and their own problems. Last but not in any way shirked is the most immediate family: Paul, the younger Michael, deep in debt, and their two cats--named after characters in Dancer From the Dance. DiRaddo's juggling act is excellent: no one loses out and it is all to the reader's gain. A book I can reccommend to any family members of any family, anywhere.

[Michael Belcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Diraddo is one of those classic writers whose command of structure is both effortless and exacting, no resonance left unexplored, yet allowing his stripped-clean prose (its similes sparing and sharp, its cadences natural) to breathe long, mind-clearing breaths. Matched, as it is, with thoroughly modern subject matter and deft dabs of humour, this mastery becomes intoxicating, its readability reminiscent of Armistead Maupin’s “Tales of the City,” a series referenced in one of the novel’s many loving odes to gay culture. There is an unequalled believability to Paul’s world, his friends and epiphanies, the swift arrival and evacuation of emotions, and we are often with him as he is processing things in real time, cycling through hurt, then logic, then empathy, whether he is worrying about his fatherly role with his partner (and “buddy”), Michael, or the limits of sexual experimentation and the shifting imperatives of desire. Considering that the novel is also a consistent tearjerker and aglow in Diraddo’s signature blend of charm and warmth, “The Family Way” lands squarely in the realm of the unforgettable. This is a novel about families foisted and forged. A Montreal novel. A Provincetown novel. A great novel.

[Jodie Siu · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful read, full of meditations on family, love, meaning and purpose. Not what I expected but so much more. Deep characters and an amazing description of middle age. Loved it.

[Eddy Tan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Following a gay man at the edge of forty who decides to help a lesbian couple conceive a baby, this novel challenges and celebrates our notions of what a family is and can be. What lies beneath our need to belong is examined through complicated relationships—two siblings who feel like they’re losing their father after he remarries, friends with a shared history of tragedy and pleasure, a couple who invite a third into bed. Reading this novel felt like spending time with the people closest to me. I got caught up in their personal dramas, yet there was always a sense of comfort despite the tense moments and conflicting views. A powerful yet gentle reminder that family is ours to find, create, and define.

[Daphné S-Vieira · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book years ago because I’d absolutely adored Christopher DiRaddo’s debut The Geography of Pluto. And The Family Way was even more accomplished! I was captivated by the entire cast of characters, not just the narrator Paul. His is a voice that is yes quintessentially gay, but also Montrealer which I really loved as a Montrealer myself. And I look forward to whatever DiRaddo will write next, he’s an auto-buy for me for sure.

[Hugogogo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Une lecture qui fait du bien à l’âme! C’est simple, c’est vrai, c’est la vie. Une chronique authentique de la vie gay montréalaise comme on en lit rarement.
La famille choisie racontée avec ses hauts et ses bas, ses désirs et ses tourments, ses idéaux et ses déceptions. Et aussi, j’ai apprécié que le quotidien soit observé en tout respect du temps qui passe, humblement, sans flafla.

[Brooke Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Family Way follows its narrator, Paul, on a first-person account of his journey to help his good friends, who are a lesbian couple, conceive a child and start a family.

This character-driven novel pushes the limits on the idea of what it means to be a 'family,' inviting readers to imagine beyond the typical, nuclear household of 'mother + father + kids,' a hallmark of heteronormative society. The Family Way brings thought-provoking questions to mind, such as: 'when it comes to family, why do we tend to automatically assign nature a higher value than nurture? and 'is blood always thicker than water?'

Themes of unconditional love and healing permeate this down-to-earth story that remarks on peace more so than conflict. DiRaddo's writing is true to form, which makes for a read that is refreshing, uplifting, and inspiring.

[Vicki · Rating 4 out of 5]

3 1/2 stars

This book transcends intermittently awkward prose to take a gentle but unflinching look at what constitutes family. Amiable forty-something Paul navigates and ponders life with his younger partner, Michael, and their respective and mutual histories, connections and/or lack of connections to parents, siblings and friends with whom they forge and redefine relationships. With a light touch reminiscent of Stephen McCauley and Elinor Lipman, DiRaddo considers what tests fidelity and commitment amidst a cast of likeable characters.

[Jeffrey Silverstone · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved spending time with the characters of The Family Way so much I binged the book over 3 days. I felt as if I was reading today’s version of Andrew Holleran and other queer lit that informed my emergence into LGBTQ culture. Diraddo has compassion for his characters, flaws and all, and weaves their stories together in a heartfelt, vibrant way.

[jocelyn • coolgalreading · Rating 4 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this

[Bruce Duncan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading this at bedtime Tuesday and, as I put it down for the night, |I knew I'd have to clear everything from my calendar the following day to spend it reading onwards. Indeed I did, and read through the day until I had to sleep last night. Finished the last few pages this morning.

Chris DiRaddo has a way of creating a set of characters you're going to like. Maybe
you won't positively love each and every one of them, but some you will -- and the rest, at the very least, have redeemable qualities of one sort or another. He did this in his first novel, The Geography of Pluto, and the fact he's done it again here shows it's no fluke. He had a talent for introducing you to characters you just want to spend time with. People who make you think, yes, I know someone just like that, in situations you feel you've been in, yourself or that at least have a familiarity to them, and ring true. I don't know how he does it. But it's a gift. And that makes for the compulsion to keep reading.

[Len · Rating 4 out of 5]

This just felt so familiar. Written in a time contemporary of my own gay youth, and bouncing (somewhat) between Montreal, Toronto and on the occasion Ottawa, naming clubs and bars I have been to, it was in ways like memory lane.
Beyond that, though, are clear and understandable characters who I feel like I knew in my day as well. The idea that ‘we’ don’t have to adhere to heteronormative standards, while somewhat gone in 2024, felt almost wistful.
A wholly enjoyable read.

[Matthew Lawrence · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this at L'Euguélionne shortly after moving to Montreal but waited ages to read it. I found it unusually relatable, not because of the baby stuff (babies are terrifying) but because the narrator and I are both hairy gay forty-year olds of Italian descent who live in Montreal but enjoy Provincetown and have a somewhat ambivalent relationship to running as a hobby.

[Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Omg!! I just adored this book about love and family in different shapes and forms! I can’t remember the last time I read a book that I didn’t want to end! Reads like a memoir. Laugh and cry in this journey with Paul and his friends and family! ❤️❤️❤️

[Riley (runtobooks) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.25? 3.5? something around there i think!

[Sabrina-kate Eryou · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently discovered local Montréal author Christopher DiRaddo and I was fortunate enough to get a pre-sale copy of his latest, The Family Way.

It's been a long time since I spent an entire day immersed in a book like I was with his. The story compelled me, it drew me in and I recognized many places and also characters. These could be people I know and it made me nostalgic for certain times in my life.

Thank you for writing a story that is honest and raw and that has characters that are not often represented in literature. Thank you for being brave and speaking of a truth many of us know and embrace.

#canlit #buylocal #supportlocal #montrealauthors #montreal #mtl

[Jerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

*Who* constitutes family- and how might the answer to that question differ if you're a gay or lesbian person in 21st-century North America?

Christopher DiRaddo's second novel returns to Montreal, the setting of his debut book, but is even broader and more ambitious in scope, content and geography. Its narrator, Paul Marino, recounts the narrative of his personal life between mid-2011 and May 2013, relating his relationships with his partner Michael, his gay male friends, the lesbian couple who he intends to donate sperm to, and his family and in-laws. Paul- and the people in his life- find themselves confronting questions about relationships, aging, and inherited legacies as Paul navigates Montreal nightlife, summer weeks in Provincetown, rendezvouses in Toronto (and elsewhere) with Wendy as she attempts to conceive a child, and the contours of his romantic life.

*The Family Way* is a richly rewarding read; I found myself drawn to the characters and their dialogue (Danny and Charles are especially endearing) and I was engrossed by the joy, anguish, and existential questions they faced as the story progresses. I hope that the author considers writing a sequel to this novel as I would love to return to Paul's milieu as he approaches age fifty.

[litost · Rating 4 out of 5]

A gentle novel. It follows the lives of a gay couple and their friends in Montreal as they negotiate their way through the normal ups and downs of life. The ongoing thread is the narrator providing sperm to his long-time Lesbian friend so she and her partner can have a baby, but the mundane is given equal time: friends searching for partners; dealing with parents; vacationing in Provincetown; relationship struggles - it feels very Tales of the City. The writing is smooth; I was carried along even though it’s a large book; but it’s overly detailed. An enjoyable read.

[Robert Petrera · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although the topic does not align with my life as a non-parent, I found it surprisingly hard to put this book down. This is, after all, one of the great reasons we read: to step into worlds different from our own. The Family Way offered an intimate glimpse into a deeply personal journey, and I was pleasantly immersed in its exploration. Beyond being a well-written and engaging story, it broadened my perspective on fatherhood and the complexities of building a family. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

[Virgowriter (Brad Windhauser) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lot of interesting storylines to generate discussions. Main relationship goes to places a lot of queer novels don’t. Meditation on age at times, especially being middle aged and having been out for decades, residuals from AIDS crisis. Interesting to see narrator’s judgments perhaps echoed by his father. A few decisions could have been proved further, like fire island blow up and apartment disarray blow up post-bar

[Kate G · Rating 1 out of 5]

1.5

I ended up skimming it as it was for a book club, but I found I couldn't get into it, found it a bit boring and found a lot of it just went in circles, I didn't really like any of the characters.

[Maya Alexis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sooo weird that I read this as I moved from Montreal to Kelowna, as the main characters live in Montreal and their dad lives in Kelowna... like such a specific detail and I had no idea going in. Anyway, a perfectly good read.

[Ray Hiltz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Couldn't help thinking that this would make a great limited series. An entertaining look into the world of friends who feel compelled to have a family and a family of friends who chose theirs.

[Brianna Davies · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a BOOK.
So, so good.
Thinking about families and all the ways we choose (and make!) the people who are a part of them.

[grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

I HATE THIS BOOK !!!!!!!! (I FUCKING LOVE THIS BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)