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Sometimes I Trip On How Happy We Could Be
Pop culture is the Pandora’s Box of our lives. Racism, wealth, poverty, beauty, inclusion, exclusion, and hope -- all of these intractable and unavoidable features course through the media we consume. Examining pop culture’s impact on her life, Nichole Perkins takes readers on a rollicking trip through the last twenty years of music, media and the internet from the perspective of one southern Black woman. She explores her experience with mental illness and how the TV series Frasier served as a crutch, how her role as mistress led her to certain internet message boards that prepared her for current day social media, and what it means to figure out desire and sexuality and Prince in a world where marriage is the only acceptable goal for women.
Combining her sharp wit, stellar pop culture sensibility, and trademark spirited storytelling, Nichole boldly tackles the damage done to women, especially Black women, by society’s failure to confront the myths and misogyny at its heart, and her efforts to stop the various cycles that limit confidence within herself. By using her own life and loves as a unique vantage point, Nichole humorously and powerfully illuminates how to take the best pop culture has to offer and discard the harmful bits, offering a mirror into our own lives.
Combining her sharp wit, stellar pop culture sensibility, and trademark spirited storytelling, Nichole boldly tackles the damage done to women, especially Black women, by society’s failure to confront the myths and misogyny at its heart, and her efforts to stop the various cycles that limit confidence within herself. By using her own life and loves as a unique vantage point, Nichole humorously and powerfully illuminates how to take the best pop culture has to offer and discard the harmful bits, offering a mirror into our own lives.
272 pages, Paperback
First published August 17, 2021
291 people are currently reading
12305 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 458 reviews
May 1, 2021
In these sharp, uncompromising essays, Nichole Perkins probes the intersections between her blackness, hailing from the South, her womanhood, and her sexuality. There is an appealing self-awareness in these essay— a willingness to examine her flaws as much as her strengths. The book gets stronger and stronger and the final few essays are clarion calls to naming things as they are, claiming the power you desire, and embracing yourself unapologetically.
August 18, 2021
Nichole Perkins has lived a life! She doesn't hold back from the first essay Fast she explores her relationship and somewhat obsession with sex in a way I've never heard anyone be so blatantly honest before. I had to push some of my own judgement and bias aside just to read some of these essays. And she uses pop culture to mark different events over phases in her life. Like her love of Prince's music and the way he explores sex throughout his catalog. To her experience being a mistress and the awkward Aim and email conversations with the wife probing her for tips.
She has an essay titled White Boys and explains where she tries to breakdown her obsession with dating them and realizing that the at the end of the day they're still men no different from other men. She also details in another essay an experience with a particular white man who set off all her red flags and pushed her boundaries in ways she's learned to never compromise over again.
I loved the essay about Niles Crane and holding what's considered unrealistic expectations for your lover. Not to mention I agree with her that Fraiser is a good way to test your potential partner. If they can't get with the witty intellectual humor of that how than they probably won't understand me. And in My Kameelah-Ass List she reflects on what qualities she would like her ideal man to have.
But it's not just her love life and sexual exploits that make this memoir worth a read. I liked what she wrote about her family as well. She talks about the household she grew up in with a momma who was holding everything down while in an abusive relationship with her father. And her mother finding her own voice and sense of liberation and control through Janet Jackson. She writes about her relationship with her sister and the bonding moments over TV shows, music, and movies. There's the relationship with her brother where she's always been his keeper because he has special needs and she grew up learning to stand up for him. How her favorite aunt tried to help her get away from the family dysfunction with book buying outings where she would indulge her love of romance.
As an HBCU grad she discusses the roles HBCU have played in her life. She grew up in Tennessee near 3 HBCUs so it was never a question whether she was going to one or not. It was choosing which one to go to and she opted for the further away Dillard to experience being on her own away from home. She gets into how freeing it was to be educated in an environment where her skin color didn't matter and the start difference when compared to her high school and grad school days.
Even if you think you aren't like Nichole it's hard not to be able to relate to parts of her stories. Whether it be the questioning of Christianity because the church has let you down in the past or relating to the sentiment of not wanting to end up alone but also not wanting to compromise your ideals. This was a great read and even though non fiction isn't my usual go-to I highly suggest checking this out even if you just decide to read the essays as a slow read.
I received a gifted finished copy in exchange for review.
https://womenofcolorreadtoo.blogspot....
She has an essay titled White Boys and explains where she tries to breakdown her obsession with dating them and realizing that the at the end of the day they're still men no different from other men. She also details in another essay an experience with a particular white man who set off all her red flags and pushed her boundaries in ways she's learned to never compromise over again.
I loved the essay about Niles Crane and holding what's considered unrealistic expectations for your lover. Not to mention I agree with her that Fraiser is a good way to test your potential partner. If they can't get with the witty intellectual humor of that how than they probably won't understand me. And in My Kameelah-Ass List she reflects on what qualities she would like her ideal man to have.
But it's not just her love life and sexual exploits that make this memoir worth a read. I liked what she wrote about her family as well. She talks about the household she grew up in with a momma who was holding everything down while in an abusive relationship with her father. And her mother finding her own voice and sense of liberation and control through Janet Jackson. She writes about her relationship with her sister and the bonding moments over TV shows, music, and movies. There's the relationship with her brother where she's always been his keeper because he has special needs and she grew up learning to stand up for him. How her favorite aunt tried to help her get away from the family dysfunction with book buying outings where she would indulge her love of romance.
As an HBCU grad she discusses the roles HBCU have played in her life. She grew up in Tennessee near 3 HBCUs so it was never a question whether she was going to one or not. It was choosing which one to go to and she opted for the further away Dillard to experience being on her own away from home. She gets into how freeing it was to be educated in an environment where her skin color didn't matter and the start difference when compared to her high school and grad school days.
Even if you think you aren't like Nichole it's hard not to be able to relate to parts of her stories. Whether it be the questioning of Christianity because the church has let you down in the past or relating to the sentiment of not wanting to end up alone but also not wanting to compromise your ideals. This was a great read and even though non fiction isn't my usual go-to I highly suggest checking this out even if you just decide to read the essays as a slow read.
I received a gifted finished copy in exchange for review.
https://womenofcolorreadtoo.blogspot....
October 29, 2021
Way too relatable. I don't know what that says about me. Yo, we even love Fraiser to the same level, it's just too much!
I enjoyed the hell out of this. It really was like talking with my friends in my twenties about the insanity we were up to. It was great. I smiled and grinned and giggled my way through segments, thought deeply through other segments.
You can read some of the things that caught me up about this book here, here, and here.
I enjoyed the hell out of this. It really was like talking with my friends in my twenties about the insanity we were up to. It was great. I smiled and grinned and giggled my way through segments, thought deeply through other segments.
You can read some of the things that caught me up about this book here, here, and here.
September 13, 2021
I think the title misled me into thinking this collection of essays would focus on arts / pop culture much more than it did. The several pieces on Perkins' sexual life and my slight shudder at reading them made me realize I'm one hell of a prude. And while I didn't love this particular collection, I still maintain that personal essays are extremely valuable in representing perspectives and lives outside the (sexist, racist, ableist, etc-ist) mainstream perspective.
August 7, 2021
Loved the range of tone and cohesion in this collection. Perkins essays are engaging and readable, almost conversational. The book gets a little repetitive. Good sex writing. Lots of sex. Overall solid collection.
May 24, 2022
I wanted to like this so bad 😭 I was so excited to read it.
The most important thing I feel like I need to point out is that this collection of essays is the author’s homage to her vagina. I’m kind of tempted to reread it so I can keep a count of how often she mentions it being “gushy” or “tight” or “life changing” or just generally describing how having sex with her is the best thing anyone on earth could ever experience. Its multiple times an essay. Even when the essay itself had nothing at all to do with sex. I was literally laughing at it by the end. A quote: “Men tell me that when I come, I taste like water.” From an essay that is dedicated entirely to how good tasting, waterfall esqe gushy her scentless pussy is.
I sound like such a prude. But I actually love reading about sex, intimacy, and relationships. But this wasn’t that. It was pages upon pages of her describing how good she is at sex without any critical reflection of the act and it also wasn’t sexy. It was just a lot of her telling us how good she is at sex.
From the praise on the back and the way this was marketed, I was expecting something much deeper than what this actually was. Most of the essays are “humorous” (I didn’t laugh at any of them) and don’t really dive too deeply into anything complex. When it does, its very surface level reflection and then going back to talking about her sex life. I feel like this book needs different marketing- this is a memoir for someone who like funny books and lighthearted reads. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone looking for something reflective, insightful, or powerful. There’s some powerful moments in this, but the subject was always changed too quickly. Every essay was like 5 pages of pop culture infused notable moments of her life and then one paragraph about how this tangentially related to a very traumatic and life altering moment or insight into her personality or life. I think the pop culture/life specific anecdotes were entertaining and would have worked well if she had just expanded so much more on the actual point of it all.
I just feel like this entire thing was such like, a humble brag, if I had to put a phrase to it. So many essays, even when she was not talking about her supreme super soaker 3000, were like “I’m such a bad sister because I’m protective over my special needs brother when people make fun of him” or like “I loved sleeping with this married man and love bragging about it to his wife and implying that my pussy is so much better than hers and thats why he cheats haha oops am I a bad person oh well don’t care”. I don’t know. Something about it just really annoyed me- like there was so many hypocritical moments in this, like when she criticizes internalized misogyny and then doesn’t reflect on how her saying she doesn’t like having female friends is also internalized misogyny. There’s so many points in this book like that that I lost track.
This gets 2.5 stars because, despite my bitching about everything, this was honestly so entertaining. Her life is really wild, and the last half of the book which is basically just about all her different weird hookups is like a Twitter thread that you read for hours just for the drama. The beginning half tried hard to be deep but I liked the second half for basically abandoning that, outside of one or two essays, and just going into the show aspect of it all. I feel like this had so much potential but the abrupt tone switching in each essay just didn’t give me enough time to absorb the point. I feel like I would have enjoyed a lot of these essays more as stand alones rather than this big compilation.
The most important thing I feel like I need to point out is that this collection of essays is the author’s homage to her vagina. I’m kind of tempted to reread it so I can keep a count of how often she mentions it being “gushy” or “tight” or “life changing” or just generally describing how having sex with her is the best thing anyone on earth could ever experience. Its multiple times an essay. Even when the essay itself had nothing at all to do with sex. I was literally laughing at it by the end. A quote: “Men tell me that when I come, I taste like water.” From an essay that is dedicated entirely to how good tasting, waterfall esqe gushy her scentless pussy is.
I sound like such a prude. But I actually love reading about sex, intimacy, and relationships. But this wasn’t that. It was pages upon pages of her describing how good she is at sex without any critical reflection of the act and it also wasn’t sexy. It was just a lot of her telling us how good she is at sex.
From the praise on the back and the way this was marketed, I was expecting something much deeper than what this actually was. Most of the essays are “humorous” (I didn’t laugh at any of them) and don’t really dive too deeply into anything complex. When it does, its very surface level reflection and then going back to talking about her sex life. I feel like this book needs different marketing- this is a memoir for someone who like funny books and lighthearted reads. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone looking for something reflective, insightful, or powerful. There’s some powerful moments in this, but the subject was always changed too quickly. Every essay was like 5 pages of pop culture infused notable moments of her life and then one paragraph about how this tangentially related to a very traumatic and life altering moment or insight into her personality or life. I think the pop culture/life specific anecdotes were entertaining and would have worked well if she had just expanded so much more on the actual point of it all.
I just feel like this entire thing was such like, a humble brag, if I had to put a phrase to it. So many essays, even when she was not talking about her supreme super soaker 3000, were like “I’m such a bad sister because I’m protective over my special needs brother when people make fun of him” or like “I loved sleeping with this married man and love bragging about it to his wife and implying that my pussy is so much better than hers and thats why he cheats haha oops am I a bad person oh well don’t care”. I don’t know. Something about it just really annoyed me- like there was so many hypocritical moments in this, like when she criticizes internalized misogyny and then doesn’t reflect on how her saying she doesn’t like having female friends is also internalized misogyny. There’s so many points in this book like that that I lost track.
This gets 2.5 stars because, despite my bitching about everything, this was honestly so entertaining. Her life is really wild, and the last half of the book which is basically just about all her different weird hookups is like a Twitter thread that you read for hours just for the drama. The beginning half tried hard to be deep but I liked the second half for basically abandoning that, outside of one or two essays, and just going into the show aspect of it all. I feel like this had so much potential but the abrupt tone switching in each essay just didn’t give me enough time to absorb the point. I feel like I would have enjoyed a lot of these essays more as stand alones rather than this big compilation.
August 14, 2021
4.5
I really great memoir/essay collection from a new to me author. I went through this in a few days, but took a lot away from it. While my life experiences versus those of the author are quite different, I found myself nodding my head in agreement many times and enjoyed learning about her life and thoughts about being a women in today's world. One of my favorite parts of the book was when the author described Saturday morning "dates" with her Auntie. They would go to a bookstore and then out to eat. It made me wish I had done that with someone in my family growing up and cemented even more how much I want to continue bonding with my daughter over our love of reading via the library or bookstore. I think it also will help guide me in ways of communicating and getting to know her when she gets older and hits the more reclusive years as a teenager - providing a way to connect.
I would pick up another book by this author in the future and recommend this for anyone who is an older Milennial/younger Gen X as the cultural references make more sense (and I enjoyed going down memory lane!)
Many thanks to Grand Central Publishing and the author for the gifted paperback copy.
Review Date: 08/14/2021
Publication Date: 08/17/2021
I really great memoir/essay collection from a new to me author. I went through this in a few days, but took a lot away from it. While my life experiences versus those of the author are quite different, I found myself nodding my head in agreement many times and enjoyed learning about her life and thoughts about being a women in today's world. One of my favorite parts of the book was when the author described Saturday morning "dates" with her Auntie. They would go to a bookstore and then out to eat. It made me wish I had done that with someone in my family growing up and cemented even more how much I want to continue bonding with my daughter over our love of reading via the library or bookstore. I think it also will help guide me in ways of communicating and getting to know her when she gets older and hits the more reclusive years as a teenager - providing a way to connect.
I would pick up another book by this author in the future and recommend this for anyone who is an older Milennial/younger Gen X as the cultural references make more sense (and I enjoyed going down memory lane!)
Many thanks to Grand Central Publishing and the author for the gifted paperback copy.
Review Date: 08/14/2021
Publication Date: 08/17/2021
November 28, 2021
I clocked this book before it was even published solely because I found the cover to be gorgeous and I'm not ashamed of that fact. I didn't really get more than I bargained for and a mutual said it was so personal it made them blush-- I'm glad I saw that warning.
Nichole Perkins' debut novel or collection of essays can be categorized as-- extremely detailed depictions of intercourse, (typically) underwhelming social commentary, and personal reflections. There's no table of contents which I really hate format wise. I also don't think I'm a fan of how the essays were ordered either and I'll most likely make a video reordering them as I see fit.
This work has shown me Perkins and I are night and day as far as experiences and temperaments go. But her sharing the inner thoughts and ramblings of her mind and observations of her life have made me appreciate the differences in people and the world over. Though we can be classified the same -- Black, American, woman, we are as different as can be.
P.S. shame on Perkins for not giving more praise to this cover in the acknowledgements. Because let's be honest ADRIANA BELLET'S beautiful art is the only reason this debut caught my eye
Nichole Perkins' debut novel or collection of essays can be categorized as-- extremely detailed depictions of intercourse, (typically) underwhelming social commentary, and personal reflections. There's no table of contents which I really hate format wise. I also don't think I'm a fan of how the essays were ordered either and I'll most likely make a video reordering them as I see fit.
This work has shown me Perkins and I are night and day as far as experiences and temperaments go. But her sharing the inner thoughts and ramblings of her mind and observations of her life have made me appreciate the differences in people and the world over. Though we can be classified the same -- Black, American, woman, we are as different as can be.
P.S. shame on Perkins for not giving more praise to this cover in the acknowledgements. Because let's be honest ADRIANA BELLET'S beautiful art is the only reason this debut caught my eye
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November 30, 2023It was a pretty solid read, Perkins has a very pleasant prose and she comes across as honest, vulnerable in her own way, intelligent and fun.
I had to smile when she said that white men's skin feels like Playdoh because while I wouldn't put it quite like that I know exactly what she means and that's actually something I find endearing.
This book isn't about pop culture in the way that a lot of recent/semi-recent collections of essays are, this one is way more personal and I think its treatment of pop culture comes across as more organic to how we experience pop culture when talking about it isn't our job.
There's a fair amount of talk about sex and descriptions of intimate moment, not a bad thing just something to be aware of (at least for some of us). There's also a little bit about religion and about the author's autistic brother and her relationship with him (it's not done in a woe is me I have an autistic in my life but Perkins does describe the period in time where she, as a child, prayed for her brother to be made normal, so again just something to be aware of).
Part essays collection and part memoir, no rating because I don't rate memoirs.
I had to smile when she said that white men's skin feels like Playdoh because while I wouldn't put it quite like that I know exactly what she means and that's actually something I find endearing.
This book isn't about pop culture in the way that a lot of recent/semi-recent collections of essays are, this one is way more personal and I think its treatment of pop culture comes across as more organic to how we experience pop culture when talking about it isn't our job.
There's a fair amount of talk about sex and descriptions of intimate moment, not a bad thing just something to be aware of (at least for some of us). There's also a little bit about religion and about the author's autistic brother and her relationship with him (it's not done in a woe is me I have an autistic in my life but Perkins does describe the period in time where she, as a child, prayed for her brother to be made normal, so again just something to be aware of).
Part essays collection and part memoir, no rating because I don't rate memoirs.
January 9, 2022
Very relatable, fun and thought-provoking. I absolutely enjoyed this memoir and would love to read more anecdotes from her life. I loved her thoughts about sexual liberation and how her appearance allowed her to unabashedly experience various forms of appreciation. Even her thought about religion were interesting - inoffensive to those who love the Lord, but still very modern in presentation and exploration. Loved it. 5 stars!
March 6, 2022
Nichole’s Memoir makes this fat sex-positive Black woman feel seen, especially the last chapter. As always, I recommend enjoying this, and most memoirs, in the Audiobook format.
September 22, 2021
Whew this book was everything. Reading each chapter talked about different topics that particularly were very very relatable especially to black women.
The book talked about "fast girls" how young black girls who are barely teenagers are accused of being too grown and too fast. How the men who approach them are not held accountable for their actions but somehow the young girls "seduced" them.
Topics such as teenage pregnancy, black people and the church, bad father figure and many others.
I like how each topic resonates well. Each topic deals with the black issues women face daily.
- Babies are not cures for irresponsible men.
- How dating a white man as a black woman can be stressful especially when it turns out they're fetishizing you.
- Body image: how black women are constantly compared to as animals and told they "look like men" because they don't reach the standards what society perceives as beauty.
The writer talked about her life growing up, dating life, college experience, her neurodivergent brother and her worries about him.
I absolutely loved all these but let's talk about things I disliked and absolutely disagreed with in this book.
- Cheating: the justification for sleeping with married men and saying "I won't be shamed for finding love in unusual places". Lol it's laughable because every topic reiterates the fact that she had failed relationships and "men this" "men that". She talked about not having a father figure and if you put 1+1 it'll equal daddy issues. I'm sure she is yet to realise the real reasons why her relationships fail and why she goes for the scums of the earth. I also couldn't fathom when she said one of her married lover's wife reached out to her and asked "why you" and she almost replied "your pussy is trash" ma'am???? Uh???
- I got a serious "I'm different from every other girl" vibes from her. "I don't do what other girls do" "all the girls hated me in college" lol but you purposely stayed away from them and you kept talking about how you tried so hard to be "cool for boys".
- This one is my favourite, demonizing BDSM. She talked about how she wanted a sub who was just a "tongue slave" and won't speak to her and if anything I'm awfully tired of vanilla people not doing enough research and thinking they can use people in the community for their benefits.
- Also there's a thin line between sexual liberation and using sex as a coping mechanism.
All in all, I enjoyed the book but I honestly think towards the end there was a lot of bitterness especially towards men. She has gone through a lot but damn sis coughscoughstherapycoughs.
The book talked about "fast girls" how young black girls who are barely teenagers are accused of being too grown and too fast. How the men who approach them are not held accountable for their actions but somehow the young girls "seduced" them.
Topics such as teenage pregnancy, black people and the church, bad father figure and many others.
I like how each topic resonates well. Each topic deals with the black issues women face daily.
- Babies are not cures for irresponsible men.
- How dating a white man as a black woman can be stressful especially when it turns out they're fetishizing you.
- Body image: how black women are constantly compared to as animals and told they "look like men" because they don't reach the standards what society perceives as beauty.
The writer talked about her life growing up, dating life, college experience, her neurodivergent brother and her worries about him.
I absolutely loved all these but let's talk about things I disliked and absolutely disagreed with in this book.
- Cheating: the justification for sleeping with married men and saying "I won't be shamed for finding love in unusual places". Lol it's laughable because every topic reiterates the fact that she had failed relationships and "men this" "men that". She talked about not having a father figure and if you put 1+1 it'll equal daddy issues. I'm sure she is yet to realise the real reasons why her relationships fail and why she goes for the scums of the earth. I also couldn't fathom when she said one of her married lover's wife reached out to her and asked "why you" and she almost replied "your pussy is trash" ma'am???? Uh???
- I got a serious "I'm different from every other girl" vibes from her. "I don't do what other girls do" "all the girls hated me in college" lol but you purposely stayed away from them and you kept talking about how you tried so hard to be "cool for boys".
- This one is my favourite, demonizing BDSM. She talked about how she wanted a sub who was just a "tongue slave" and won't speak to her and if anything I'm awfully tired of vanilla people not doing enough research and thinking they can use people in the community for their benefits.
- Also there's a thin line between sexual liberation and using sex as a coping mechanism.
All in all, I enjoyed the book but I honestly think towards the end there was a lot of bitterness especially towards men. She has gone through a lot but damn sis coughscoughstherapycoughs.
August 25, 2021
What started out as a five star book (Nichole Perkins can WRITE) lost me a little over halfway through. There are several essays in which she unapologetically talks about sleeping with married men, and seeking out casual sex but kicking out the men as soon as they start to want more. Then she follows that up with a couple essays bemoaning her single status and inability to find her Niles Crane (read: someone who’ll be wholly devoted to her and was married when he met the love of his life). I just didn’t buy it and couldn’t empathize with her.
Thank you to Grand Central publishing for the free ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you to Grand Central publishing for the free ARC in exchange for an honest review.
September 25, 2021
When the title of the collection is a line from 03’ Bonne & Clyde, HOV and Bey, I expected a lot more pop culture. Maybe I’m a millennial and Nichole is Gen X so I missed it, but I don’t think so.
There are some 5* gems in this collection, mostly the stories about Nichole growing up as a black woman. Then it loses itself into stories about a woman who just seems a little immature.
Good for Nichole and her sexual liberation, I just didn’t find it interesting. I’m not from a generation where this kind of storytelling is brave or interesting. It’s just a collection of stories about her sex life, what I see as her issues with choosing and keeping good men despite seeming to desperately want them, and I’m not quite sure what else.
That being said, those first few essays: seriously, gems. I just wished they were all like that.
There are some 5* gems in this collection, mostly the stories about Nichole growing up as a black woman. Then it loses itself into stories about a woman who just seems a little immature.
Good for Nichole and her sexual liberation, I just didn’t find it interesting. I’m not from a generation where this kind of storytelling is brave or interesting. It’s just a collection of stories about her sex life, what I see as her issues with choosing and keeping good men despite seeming to desperately want them, and I’m not quite sure what else.
That being said, those first few essays: seriously, gems. I just wished they were all like that.
October 11, 2022
I loved this memoir! She seemed open, vulnerable and relatable. I appreciate her for sharing her truths. It’s a good addition to the diversity of Black women’s stories/memoirs that have been published in past 10 years.
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August 11, 2021First off the gift box I received from the publisher... lol had me clutching my pearls. This is an excellent collection.
August 6, 2021
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I'm sorry to say that I had no idea who Nichole Perkins was before I came across this essay collection. Sorry because it so eloquently depicted what it's like being a Black girl who was raised in the South, and reading this collection felt like talking to a friend. In Sometimes I Trip On How Happy We Could Be, Nichole Perkins lays bare her story in such an open and no-holds-barred way. She touches on Black Southern girlhood, sexuality, agency, sibling relationships, parental relationships, infidelity, and feeling at home with yourself. Never since I read Deesha Philyaw's The Secret Lives of Church Ladies have I felt so seen. I'm from North Carolina, and a lot of the things Perkins talked about hit very close to home, like the stories about her mother and grandmother, and the way sex is handled in Black Southern families. It can be a very stifling environment, and Perkins captured that perfectly.
In Sometimes I Trip On How Happy We Could Be, Perkins fully embraces being imperfect. She's made some decisions in her life that may cause some people to raise their eyebrows, but she doesn't shy away from relating them to her reader. She owns them. A Black woman rarely has the space or opportunity to be multifaceted and flawed, and I hope that books like these give other Black women the courage to own their truths.
**eARC provided by the publisher, Grand Central Publishing, via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review**
I'm sorry to say that I had no idea who Nichole Perkins was before I came across this essay collection. Sorry because it so eloquently depicted what it's like being a Black girl who was raised in the South, and reading this collection felt like talking to a friend. In Sometimes I Trip On How Happy We Could Be, Nichole Perkins lays bare her story in such an open and no-holds-barred way. She touches on Black Southern girlhood, sexuality, agency, sibling relationships, parental relationships, infidelity, and feeling at home with yourself. Never since I read Deesha Philyaw's The Secret Lives of Church Ladies have I felt so seen. I'm from North Carolina, and a lot of the things Perkins talked about hit very close to home, like the stories about her mother and grandmother, and the way sex is handled in Black Southern families. It can be a very stifling environment, and Perkins captured that perfectly.
In Sometimes I Trip On How Happy We Could Be, Perkins fully embraces being imperfect. She's made some decisions in her life that may cause some people to raise their eyebrows, but she doesn't shy away from relating them to her reader. She owns them. A Black woman rarely has the space or opportunity to be multifaceted and flawed, and I hope that books like these give other Black women the courage to own their truths.
**eARC provided by the publisher, Grand Central Publishing, via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review**
September 23, 2021
Reading this book felt intimate, like chatting it up with close friends and bottles of wine. Or, sneaking and reading my big sister’s diary.
The chapters I enjoyed most were “Prince’s Girl”, because I’ve always been obsessed with Prince, and“The Bonnet” where she talked about her natural hair journey and referred to the 80s TV show, Mama’s Family, which I LOVED!
Nicole detailed her personal experiences with sexual expression/exploration/freedom, relationships and life in general. It was a nice read. I pride myself on being open and able to talk about many subjects, but I found myself thinking at times “um, TMI”. Mainly when she talked about masturbating at a very early age.
I’d love to join an author discussion about the book for more context, girl talk, and clarity on the central message she wanted to convey.
🎁Thank you @grandcentralpub for my gifted copy!
The chapters I enjoyed most were “Prince’s Girl”, because I’ve always been obsessed with Prince, and“The Bonnet” where she talked about her natural hair journey and referred to the 80s TV show, Mama’s Family, which I LOVED!
Nicole detailed her personal experiences with sexual expression/exploration/freedom, relationships and life in general. It was a nice read. I pride myself on being open and able to talk about many subjects, but I found myself thinking at times “um, TMI”. Mainly when she talked about masturbating at a very early age.
I’d love to join an author discussion about the book for more context, girl talk, and clarity on the central message she wanted to convey.
🎁Thank you @grandcentralpub for my gifted copy!
February 28, 2022
Honest. Brave. Nostalgic.
Nichole Perkins offers a memoir in the form of several essays, delving into topics, such as sexuality, religion, family, pop culture, hair, and college. I related to most of what she included and I recommend a read to anyone feeling like an outcast when they do not check boxes society places upon them, especially black women. She nails a Gen. Xer voice that I longed to read for so long. Reading her thoughts as a "middle-aged" woman (She's a year younger), a certain wistfulness lingers for days passed and opportunities missed.
I get her. I get her thoughts. I get this book.
Sometimes I trip on why publishing took so long on giving space to women like Nichole Perkins, an avatar for so many of us.
Nichole Perkins offers a memoir in the form of several essays, delving into topics, such as sexuality, religion, family, pop culture, hair, and college. I related to most of what she included and I recommend a read to anyone feeling like an outcast when they do not check boxes society places upon them, especially black women. She nails a Gen. Xer voice that I longed to read for so long. Reading her thoughts as a "middle-aged" woman (She's a year younger), a certain wistfulness lingers for days passed and opportunities missed.
I get her. I get her thoughts. I get this book.
Sometimes I trip on why publishing took so long on giving space to women like Nichole Perkins, an avatar for so many of us.
December 18, 2022
Nichole Perkins is a great writer, however her writing isn’t for me. I thought this would be a great relatable memoir, since we are both Gen X black women from the south; but that is where relatability stops. I don’t understand her anti blackness in her dating only white men. And I definitely can’t relate to the tv shows she watches. This was a total bust for me.
October 31, 2021
DNF. 2.5⭐️ — great start, but turned into a self-absorbed rant about halfway through; and I skimmed the next ~20% before throwing in the towel.
June 15, 2022
This book was entertaining throughout, definitely not what I expected. Subject matter wasn't something I would seek out on my own. This book was recommended to me and I am glad I read it.
January 5, 2022
3.5 stars
First read of 2022! This was a good one to ease into the new year with. Mostly short essays, very readable and accessible, even when talking about heavy stuff. It wasn't *solidly* on my TBR list, but one of those books I kept seeing and hearing about, so when I saw a copy at the library, I snagged it.
Nichole Perkins covers a loooooot of ground. Everything, from religion to abuse and sexual assault to HBCUs to sex (well written but quite blunt and graphic, in case that's not your jam). And the idea it all circles, for me, is power. Whether it be power in womanhood, sexuality, Blackness, academia....these essays crescendo into a larger discussion on power - how we lose or gain it, how we reconcile with not having it, and how we live while navigating its dynamics, particularly for marginalized people.
Some of these essays are casual, short, and discuss seemingly discuss more trivial things, like Kermit and Miss Piggy or Frasier*, but the real payoff in this collection is when you look at the sum of the parts, the whole. And it's honestly kind of stunning when you see it that way, a biographical record of a woman examining and coming into her own power. And you realize, oh, that Frasier essay wasn't just in there for funsies, it's a very deliberate contribution to this lifelong discovery of one's power.
Solid nonfiction debut from Perkins.
* ngl though, Perkins is literally the first person ever who may have convinced me to watch Frasier.
First read of 2022! This was a good one to ease into the new year with. Mostly short essays, very readable and accessible, even when talking about heavy stuff. It wasn't *solidly* on my TBR list, but one of those books I kept seeing and hearing about, so when I saw a copy at the library, I snagged it.
Nichole Perkins covers a loooooot of ground. Everything, from religion to abuse and sexual assault to HBCUs to sex (well written but quite blunt and graphic, in case that's not your jam). And the idea it all circles, for me, is power. Whether it be power in womanhood, sexuality, Blackness, academia....these essays crescendo into a larger discussion on power - how we lose or gain it, how we reconcile with not having it, and how we live while navigating its dynamics, particularly for marginalized people.
Some of these essays are casual, short, and discuss seemingly discuss more trivial things, like Kermit and Miss Piggy or Frasier*, but the real payoff in this collection is when you look at the sum of the parts, the whole. And it's honestly kind of stunning when you see it that way, a biographical record of a woman examining and coming into her own power. And you realize, oh, that Frasier essay wasn't just in there for funsies, it's a very deliberate contribution to this lifelong discovery of one's power.
Solid nonfiction debut from Perkins.
* ngl though, Perkins is literally the first person ever who may have convinced me to watch Frasier.
June 19, 2022
i initially picked up this book because i thought it was a novel, not a memoir. however, making it a novel would have provided a more niche and fun story to tell.
the first essay was very strong and i wish it would have delved deeper into how black girls are viewed as promiscuous at an early stage of life. this essay had so much potential but i feel like the rest of the essays just went downhill after it.
i enjoyed perkin’s reflection on her father’s behavior, more specifically when she says, “and it always bothered me that my father didn’t love any of us enough to stop drinking and doing drugs and abusing her [mom]” (39). this was so rich and i wish she would have expanded on it.
the essays about her family felt so much more genuine than her essays on her sexual relationships. the latter felt so childish and her language gave me the impression that she spends a lot of time on twitter. i can’t wait for perkins to go public on twitter so i can prove my theory.
i rated it 2 stars because most reflections were cringy. like i said, they belong on twitter, not in a published memoir. there were some funny aspects to the text, but not funny in a hilarious way but funny in a sorry way. she brags about how good her pussy is a million times to the point that i just it’s actually trash. so many things were unbelievable, like when hal ate her out for 4 hours. please just write something more meaningful ??
the last essay was pretty flat, too. it felt like it should have been placed in the middle of the text, not at the end. it did not feel like a conclusion. i was expecting closure after such an underdeveloped and underwhelming memoir. what compelled her to write one anyway?
the first essay was very strong and i wish it would have delved deeper into how black girls are viewed as promiscuous at an early stage of life. this essay had so much potential but i feel like the rest of the essays just went downhill after it.
i enjoyed perkin’s reflection on her father’s behavior, more specifically when she says, “and it always bothered me that my father didn’t love any of us enough to stop drinking and doing drugs and abusing her [mom]” (39). this was so rich and i wish she would have expanded on it.
the essays about her family felt so much more genuine than her essays on her sexual relationships. the latter felt so childish and her language gave me the impression that she spends a lot of time on twitter. i can’t wait for perkins to go public on twitter so i can prove my theory.
i rated it 2 stars because most reflections were cringy. like i said, they belong on twitter, not in a published memoir. there were some funny aspects to the text, but not funny in a hilarious way but funny in a sorry way. she brags about how good her pussy is a million times to the point that i just it’s actually trash. so many things were unbelievable, like when hal ate her out for 4 hours. please just write something more meaningful ??
the last essay was pretty flat, too. it felt like it should have been placed in the middle of the text, not at the end. it did not feel like a conclusion. i was expecting closure after such an underdeveloped and underwhelming memoir. what compelled her to write one anyway?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 28, 2021
This is an amazing book. I've followed Perkins on Twitter for years (I think I discovered her voice and humor when she guested on the podcast 'Another Round'), and I jumped at the chance to read her memoir/essay collection early. It certainly delivers--the pieces range the gamut from meditations on Prince and early sexuality to Black hair, all tied back in some deeply engaging way to Perkins' own life. She discloses a lot here, in a lot of ways, and I think we're blessed as readers to get to witness her powerful mind think through things that have happened to her and her friends and family as well as more lighthearted things she's done, watched, or thought. It's not particularly a light-hearted collection (though there are great, funny moments), but it's a deeply felt one, and a deeply thought-through one, and I can't wait to buy a copy once it's available for sale. (Review based on a NetGalley eARC.)
June 10, 2022
There are far too many topics in this book which struck a chord with me maybe because I'm black and a woman, but reading those topics made it feel like having a conversation with a friend, someone who has walked your path or whom has crossed your path. Example, her friendship with K - the importance and power that there is in having female friendship which are solid even if you have different journeys in life that sisterhood is always such a comfort. Also on the topic of women, she highlights women who shaped who she became so grandmother's, aunts and sisters, not forgetting mothers.
"Weird" or rather complicated relationships with religion and spirituality and eventually how it shapes or shames sexuality, out of the fear of being called fast and as black women, the images we saw or consumed of white girls in love came easily, but everywhere else in reality, Black girls were warned and shamed. Same goes for intimate relationships: "The world kept telling me that men, even as frogs, hated relationships, especially with women, and they tolerated both because they had no choice. The way to a man’s heart was to wear it down."
Then there's the being the other woman, Nichole made me see another side especially if you have found yourself in that situation, women are often shamed and made to feel like they have to carry this cross of "destroying" families or marriages whereas men get away unscathed, direct quote :" I did feel like I had betrayed feminism and womanhood. In giving myself what I wanted, I’d hurt another woman." but it wasn't only her partaking in the act. She brought up how, hey maybe the other woman has emotions and feels and maybe our anger should be directed at the men.
As a young woman, there are gems I found in this book. The importance of creating boundaries, sticking to them and being able to switch it up, however it may suit me but mostly finding my place and knowing that it's okay with every stumble or mishap, it helps shape me. I think it's a book one keeps on standby when you forget yourself, a book you recommend to younger girls who are still finding their way in the world. I definitely feel more empowered and I think I want to be friends with the author.
So this collection is close to my heart, it has made me feel as if there definitely is someone who understands our experience, it isn't ours alone, in sharing we make connections and bonds. I liked that element also I absolutely adored the mention of songs or TV shows which highlight key moments in Nichole's life and it's media's I have consumed or I can add to my watch this or listen to this later.
"Weird" or rather complicated relationships with religion and spirituality and eventually how it shapes or shames sexuality, out of the fear of being called fast and as black women, the images we saw or consumed of white girls in love came easily, but everywhere else in reality, Black girls were warned and shamed. Same goes for intimate relationships: "The world kept telling me that men, even as frogs, hated relationships, especially with women, and they tolerated both because they had no choice. The way to a man’s heart was to wear it down."
Then there's the being the other woman, Nichole made me see another side especially if you have found yourself in that situation, women are often shamed and made to feel like they have to carry this cross of "destroying" families or marriages whereas men get away unscathed, direct quote :" I did feel like I had betrayed feminism and womanhood. In giving myself what I wanted, I’d hurt another woman." but it wasn't only her partaking in the act. She brought up how, hey maybe the other woman has emotions and feels and maybe our anger should be directed at the men.
As a young woman, there are gems I found in this book. The importance of creating boundaries, sticking to them and being able to switch it up, however it may suit me but mostly finding my place and knowing that it's okay with every stumble or mishap, it helps shape me. I think it's a book one keeps on standby when you forget yourself, a book you recommend to younger girls who are still finding their way in the world. I definitely feel more empowered and I think I want to be friends with the author.
So this collection is close to my heart, it has made me feel as if there definitely is someone who understands our experience, it isn't ours alone, in sharing we make connections and bonds. I liked that element also I absolutely adored the mention of songs or TV shows which highlight key moments in Nichole's life and it's media's I have consumed or I can add to my watch this or listen to this later.
August 30, 2021
This was such a solid memoir-in-essay collection! I am going to think about the essay titled Kermit the Frog for a long LONG time. She made a connection between the muppets and intimate partner violence that is astounding. Perkins tackles an array of topics but sex is front and center. It was refreshing and empowering to read, especially her thoughts on BDSM. However, I struggled with her thoughts about being involved with men who are married or engaged. But she’s entitled to her opinion and it was interesting to at least think through her perspective. If you have strong thoughts about infidelity, you might want to skip that chapter.
Some of the conclusions felt abrupt and could have used more of a transition. They didn’t always seem connected to what came beforehand. But that doesn’t take away from the strength of the collection as a whole. I’m looking forward to whatever Perkins writes next.
CW: raped by friend (it takes her some time to realize it was rape and the chapter explores current post-#MeToo understanding of assault but she still blames herself somewhat), sexual coercion and reproductive sexual assault (he pressured her to have sex without a condom and took the condom off without her permission and finished inside), Plan B, sexual assault on playground (teachers ignored her report), hookup became emotionally abusive and gaslit after she broke things off, ex stalked her (filed restraining order), depression, discussion of suicidal ideation, infidelity (involved with men who were engaged or married; exes cheated on her), on page sex, masturbation, BDSM, street sexual harassment, intimate partner violence (father), father stalked mother after their divorce, substance abuse and alcoholism (father), dad was arrested, dad used R-word, autistic brother, ableism (used to pray brother would become “normal” but she later counters this), spleen rupture, PCOS, sister’s husband died in his sleep (apnea), purity culture (countered), slut-shaming (countered), brother was bulled growing up, fear of future police brutality re: her brother, mother and sister got pregnant as teens, discussion of gender norms/toxic masculinity and misogynoir (countered), alcohol, inebriation, shrooms, GHB (known as date rape drug but not used that way), marijuana, gendered insult, ableist language, male performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction, concern that hookup drank and drove (she was not in his car), mom was hospitalized for a week with COVID (recovered), reference to people using N word in race play (not author), reference to missing internet board member who died by suicide, reference to pregnant 5th and 6th graders
Some of the conclusions felt abrupt and could have used more of a transition. They didn’t always seem connected to what came beforehand. But that doesn’t take away from the strength of the collection as a whole. I’m looking forward to whatever Perkins writes next.
CW: raped by friend (it takes her some time to realize it was rape and the chapter explores current post-#MeToo understanding of assault but she still blames herself somewhat), sexual coercion and reproductive sexual assault (he pressured her to have sex without a condom and took the condom off without her permission and finished inside), Plan B, sexual assault on playground (teachers ignored her report), hookup became emotionally abusive and gaslit after she broke things off, ex stalked her (filed restraining order), depression, discussion of suicidal ideation, infidelity (involved with men who were engaged or married; exes cheated on her), on page sex, masturbation, BDSM, street sexual harassment, intimate partner violence (father), father stalked mother after their divorce, substance abuse and alcoholism (father), dad was arrested, dad used R-word, autistic brother, ableism (used to pray brother would become “normal” but she later counters this), spleen rupture, PCOS, sister’s husband died in his sleep (apnea), purity culture (countered), slut-shaming (countered), brother was bulled growing up, fear of future police brutality re: her brother, mother and sister got pregnant as teens, discussion of gender norms/toxic masculinity and misogynoir (countered), alcohol, inebriation, shrooms, GHB (known as date rape drug but not used that way), marijuana, gendered insult, ableist language, male performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction, concern that hookup drank and drove (she was not in his car), mom was hospitalized for a week with COVID (recovered), reference to people using N word in race play (not author), reference to missing internet board member who died by suicide, reference to pregnant 5th and 6th graders
May 7, 2022
4.5 stars. Came for the title (because I absolutely love Prince) and stayed for the candor. Enjoyed every essay ❤
October 4, 2022
This book was wholeheartedly relatable. I found myself shaking my head or “yaaassing” to several things Nichole wrote. She has a beautiful but also clear way of breaking down vulnerable or unspoken topics. Sex, sexual preferences, religion, dating, more sex, and disability are just some of the topics for discussion. So, grab your henney, tea, wine, or preferred drink of choice, and consume this book. It’s the bread that comes with it’s own butter.
Sis, you did that, and I will read whatever you write from here on out.
Sis, you did that, and I will read whatever you write from here on out.
December 8, 2021
One of the rawest essay collections around. Race, sexuality, family, the tv show Frasier all combine in a really powerful set of essays that packs a punch and doesn’t let up.
This is a sexy group of essays and not for delicate readers.
It made me blush and then tear up, not an easy feat for one essay collection to achieve both. I do not recommend this to more prudish readers.
This is a sexy group of essays and not for delicate readers.
It made me blush and then tear up, not an easy feat for one essay collection to achieve both. I do not recommend this to more prudish readers.
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