✰ 5 stars ✰
“So many times in life we think we see what we want. That we know what we want. Looking back through the wrong end of that scope, I sometimes wonder why we still believe we know anything at all.”
There is no other way to say it - I loved Boy Underground. Catherine Ryan Hyde wrote a beautiful poignant coming-of-age story about a young fourteen-year-old boy, Steven Katz, and how his life and the lives of his three friends were forever changed during World War II. The story is retold through the eyes of a much-older Steven as he recalls the memories of the events that took place during those four years that would turn him into the man that he was today.
“It’s funny, the different things we remember.”
Steven Katz had such a presence to him - even at fourteen, his voice, his beliefs, his helpful caring and kind nature for his friends was so very admirable - so much that I wanted him to achieve success in every obstacle he faced. He had such a hard time finding a place to belong and when he found a friendship with his three friends - he fought so hard to keep it. The lengths he went to protect Nicky - the effort he put into reaching Suki - the heartbreak and loneliness he felt for Ollie - he overcame so much that when he finally was able to achieve happiness with himself and his life, it warmed my heart so much. To let go of his past and his family, to venture out into the world alone - hopeful for a brighter, better future...
I adored the writing - there was such an honesty to it - such a clear-cut feeling to it - such bravery - such feeling and compassion it could just evoke in me - as I watched the world change in the eyes of these four boys - Steven, Suki, Nick, and Ollie. They share one magical unforgettable hike up into the mountains - an experience that would permanently bond them as a unit - never knowing that once they made the descent their lives would be taking a turn none of them were quite prepared for - mentally, physically or emotionally. 😢😢
“Enjoying the world just as it is. Understanding that many things are incomplete. Allowing it to be so.”
The title of this book has so many multi-facets to it - the literal meaning behind it that as I read, I wondered who really
was the 'boy underground'
? Was it Steven - who had to bury his burgeoning newfound sexuality and his own personal views as he lay on the cusp of adulthood and under the strict thumb of his parents? Was it Nick - who was wrongfully accused for a crime he didn't commit and had to spend the better of his teen years buried away in a cellar - away from sunlight - away from growth - away from living? Was it Ollie - who met his untimely death - buried beneath the seas - without reaching the fruits of his youth? Or was it Suki - whose family had to bury all that they had spent their livings building and be relocated under duress - without any fault to their own? 😔😔
“What is what to me?” But I knew.
“Why are you concerned about Japanese relocation?”
“Because it’s wrong,” I said.
“Interesting,” he said. And scribbled on his pad again.
“What’s so interesting about it?”
“I just can’t help noticing that you seem to be very sure that you’re right and all the responsible adults are wrong.”
“You don’t need to be an adult,” I said. “You just need to have a conscience.”
When I was young, I read a book called Farewell to Manzanar - a sad but haunting glimpse into one family's life that was affected by the United States decision to send Japanese Americans to camps. To this day, I never understood - never can quite figure out how the U.S. justified their actions - who probably, much like, Steven's father who claimed 'it's okay, because no one is killing them'. Did they not realized the gravity of their actions?
The repercussions that these human beings would never be able to be let go? It hurt me so much - even now, the pain of just knowing that such events actually occurred willingly still breaks my heart. And to read Steven's attempts of trying to reach Suki at Manzanar - the journey and struggles he faced just to have one chance to meet him - to see if his friend - his vibrant, full of life friend - was alright - even just for a second... 💔💔
“My heart flew down to him. My body stayed upstairs. It was a wrenching experience. It felt like being torn apart. --- My stolen nighttime visits with Nick were all I really cared about. All I waited for. All that was holding me up anymore. Having one snatched away felt unbearable.”
And while this is not a romance - the moments when Steven was trying his hardest to keep Nick safe - sacrificing his own peace of mind just to keep him close was heart-wrenching. Because it wasn't just a friend he was trying to protect - it was his newly-discovered feelings - the realization that he was different from other boys - that what he was feeling was not normal in the eyes of his family. 🥺🥺 But, to have that comfort - that ache of warmth with someone who brought out those emotions in him - that made him feel something new - something precious - that he would forever keep him close to his heart for his teenage years...
““Steven, wait. You love me. Right?”
I just stood at the ladderlike steps for a moment, one hand on a damp rung. Trying to convince my heart to start beating again. Trying to remind my lungs how to draw air.
“Yes,” I said. “I love you.”
I waited to see if he would say it to me in return.
Instead he just said, “Good. Thank you. Somebody has to love me.”
“Okay,” I said.
I pulled to my feet, nursing the raw, empty chasm that had formed inside my chest. But a second later he spoke again, and the canyon closed.
And warmed. And filled. As though nothing had ever been missing inside me. Not one day of my life.
“I love you, too, Steven.”
The ending was very bittersweet - but honestly, very real. 🥹🥹 I would have liked to have seen more of Steven's life beyond, but the epilogue tied up everything so nicely - in such a heartfelt manner - even the final chapter concluded his coming-of-age journey in a manner that suited his future perfectly. It may have not been what I had hoped or expected to see happen, but for Steven grow up to the be the man that he was - to gain his freedom, to walk away from his family scorn and their prejudiced values, to stay honest to what he believed in and to stand by the values he steadfastly held onto - while still being true to himself was the most gratifying and rewarding moment ever. 🥹
No one person is perfect - they have their flaws and they make their mistakes - but how they find a way out of it - how Steven fought so hard to make things right for everyone made the writing so compelling. I was so engrossed in their stories - so much heart and care was given with each word and phrase - not to educate but to heighten the importance of acceptance, of prejudice, of family values, and most of all - being true to yourself. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻