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This Party's Dead: Grief, Joy and Spilled Rum at the World’s Death Festivals
What if we responded to death... by throwing a party?
By the time Erica Buist’s father-in-law Chris was discovered, upstairs in his bed, his book resting on his chest, he had been dead for over a week. She searched for answers (the artery-clogging cheeses in his fridge?) and tried to reason with herself (does daughter-in-law even feature in the grief hierarchy?) and eventually landed on an inevitable, uncomfortable truth: everybody dies.
While her husband maintained a semblance of grace and poise, Erica found herself consumed by her grief, descending into a bout of pyjama-clad agoraphobia, stalking friends online to ascertain whether any of them had also dropped dead without warning, unable to extract herself from the spiral of death anxiety… until one day she decided to reclaim control.
With Mexico’s Day of the Dead festivities as a starting point, Erica decided to confront death head-on by visiting seven death festivals around the world – one for every day they didn’t find Chris. From Mexico to Nepal, Sicily, Thailand, Madagascar, Japan, and finally Indonesia – with a stopover in New Orleans, where the dead outnumber the living ten to one – Erica searched for the answers to both fundamental and unexpected questions around death anxiety.
This Party’s Dead is the account of her journey to understand how other cultures deal with mortal terror, how they move past the knowledge that they’re going to die in order to live happily day-to-day, how they celebrate rather than shy away from the topic of death – and how when this openness and acceptance are passed down through the generations, death suddenly doesn’t seem so scary after all.
By the time Erica Buist’s father-in-law Chris was discovered, upstairs in his bed, his book resting on his chest, he had been dead for over a week. She searched for answers (the artery-clogging cheeses in his fridge?) and tried to reason with herself (does daughter-in-law even feature in the grief hierarchy?) and eventually landed on an inevitable, uncomfortable truth: everybody dies.
While her husband maintained a semblance of grace and poise, Erica found herself consumed by her grief, descending into a bout of pyjama-clad agoraphobia, stalking friends online to ascertain whether any of them had also dropped dead without warning, unable to extract herself from the spiral of death anxiety… until one day she decided to reclaim control.
With Mexico’s Day of the Dead festivities as a starting point, Erica decided to confront death head-on by visiting seven death festivals around the world – one for every day they didn’t find Chris. From Mexico to Nepal, Sicily, Thailand, Madagascar, Japan, and finally Indonesia – with a stopover in New Orleans, where the dead outnumber the living ten to one – Erica searched for the answers to both fundamental and unexpected questions around death anxiety.
This Party’s Dead is the account of her journey to understand how other cultures deal with mortal terror, how they move past the knowledge that they’re going to die in order to live happily day-to-day, how they celebrate rather than shy away from the topic of death – and how when this openness and acceptance are passed down through the generations, death suddenly doesn’t seem so scary after all.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published February 18, 2021
51 people are currently reading
2072 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 117 reviews
December 26, 2022
Real Rating: 4.5* of five, rounded up
The Publisher Says: What if we responded to death... by throwing a party?
By the time Erica Buist’s father-in-law Chris was discovered, upstairs in his bed, his book resting on his chest, he had been dead for over a week. She searched for answers (the artery-clogging cheeses in his fridge?) and tried to reason with herself (does daughter-in-law even feature in the grief hierarchy?) and eventually landed on an inevitable, uncomfortable truth: everybody dies.
With Mexico’s Day of the Dead festivities as a starting point, Erica decided to confront death head-on by visiting seven death festivals around the world—one for every day they didn’t find Chris. From Mexico to Nepal, Sicily, Thailand, Madagascar, Japan and finally Indonesia—with a stopover in New Orleans, where the dead outnumber the living ten to one—Erica searched for the answers to both fundamental and unexpected questions around death anxiety.
This Party’s Dead is the account of her journey to understand how other cultures deal with mortal terror, how they move past the knowledge that they’re going to die in order to live happily day-to-day, how they celebrate rather than shy away from the topic of death – and how when this openness and acceptance are passed down through the generations, death suddenly doesn’t seem so scary after all.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA EDELWEISS+. THANK YOU.
My Review: I grew up in the Southwest. It's part of my mental furniture to know what calaveras are and to appreciate that marigolds are the right floral tributes on Día de los Muertos. Skeletons, and skulls, are endlessly fascinating. An old artist-friend of mine created one of my most treasured possessions, sadly destroyed in a move, of a drawing she entitled "Martinis on My Horizon" with stylish skeletons quaffing the elixir of the goddesses, the gin martini.
I am, in other words, the exact reader Author Buist aimed at. She shot; she scored.
I found her grief for the death of her friend Chris, father of her future husband, entirely ordinary. He sounds to me like someone it would very much hurt to lose. And, since humankind can't physiologically stay in protracted peak states like grieving, what better way to cope with the pain than toss a party? The author's dedicatory "Love is not a reward, and death is not a punishment. If you thought they were, this book is for you," made me legs twitch with the fight-or-flight response. It's that true, it's that deep.
What made me glad that I got the book from the publisher via Edelweiss+ is the timelessness of grief and grieving. Every generation of humans feels it, which is why we have so many grave goods for archaeologists to plunder and ponder; many of our animal cohabitants seem to as well, eg elephants and crows; life being, then not being, inside someone we know and love is just flat weird. My old friend D'Anne died just before Christmas. I'd known her for fifty-three years. All the things that meant something to her in relation to me are now only in my mind. It's...strange.
And I hope her current husband is planning a bash! She'd've loved that. It's a great way to remember someone. As witness some of the author's rowdier experiences of parties where the guest of honor isn't breathing anymore. Offering the dead many of life's little luxuries has an old and distinguished history. The Japanese and Chinese, in today's cultural landscape, are the masters of the offerings with many things like paper iPhones burnt for the departed's use in the afterlife. Mexico's Day of the Dead isn't quite that au courant but it's got the best material culture, the calaveras de azúcar offered to the ancestors:
...and the modern innovation of the Día de los Muertos parade that the James Bond film Spectre made popular before COVID killed it, too.
So as I said, the author found her dream reader here. Why, then, didn't I rate the read more highly? I enjoyed it. I was educated by it, as painlessly as I think is possible. But the very thing that made it a painless read, a lovely glass of juice with a hefty glug of 151 rum in it (as the author discovers in New Orleans, visiting the Museum of Death and quaffing a Hurricane at Pat O'Brien's for afters), makes it feel more like it's about Author Buist on a weird kind of very amusing dark tourism trip. (I myownself vote that we start normalizing "thanatourism" for this; it's not necessarily dark!), is the thing that wore thin: It's about her. Her grief, her loss. Learning about other cultures was her way of coping, of giving her husband support in his own grieving process.
I know that's what it said on the tin. I know that's the explicit purpose for the book's existence. I support the author's quest and am glad I made her acquaintance, happy that her journey was rewarded as richly as it was in ways familiar and unfamiliar as her friends and her bosses and her husband made room for it all.
But I can't help my feeling of slight "I'm done now"ness. Her job, ably performed, merits the full four stars. Her amusing and emotionally resonant narrative voice merit the other half-star. But the tone, in the end, brought my personal enjoyment down from all the stars to almost all of them.
Still very much a book I'd urge you to make room for on your shelf.
The Publisher Says: What if we responded to death... by throwing a party?
By the time Erica Buist’s father-in-law Chris was discovered, upstairs in his bed, his book resting on his chest, he had been dead for over a week. She searched for answers (the artery-clogging cheeses in his fridge?) and tried to reason with herself (does daughter-in-law even feature in the grief hierarchy?) and eventually landed on an inevitable, uncomfortable truth: everybody dies.
With Mexico’s Day of the Dead festivities as a starting point, Erica decided to confront death head-on by visiting seven death festivals around the world—one for every day they didn’t find Chris. From Mexico to Nepal, Sicily, Thailand, Madagascar, Japan and finally Indonesia—with a stopover in New Orleans, where the dead outnumber the living ten to one—Erica searched for the answers to both fundamental and unexpected questions around death anxiety.
This Party’s Dead is the account of her journey to understand how other cultures deal with mortal terror, how they move past the knowledge that they’re going to die in order to live happily day-to-day, how they celebrate rather than shy away from the topic of death – and how when this openness and acceptance are passed down through the generations, death suddenly doesn’t seem so scary after all.
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA EDELWEISS+. THANK YOU.
My Review: I grew up in the Southwest. It's part of my mental furniture to know what calaveras are and to appreciate that marigolds are the right floral tributes on Día de los Muertos. Skeletons, and skulls, are endlessly fascinating. An old artist-friend of mine created one of my most treasured possessions, sadly destroyed in a move, of a drawing she entitled "Martinis on My Horizon" with stylish skeletons quaffing the elixir of the goddesses, the gin martini.
I am, in other words, the exact reader Author Buist aimed at. She shot; she scored.
I found her grief for the death of her friend Chris, father of her future husband, entirely ordinary. He sounds to me like someone it would very much hurt to lose. And, since humankind can't physiologically stay in protracted peak states like grieving, what better way to cope with the pain than toss a party? The author's dedicatory "Love is not a reward, and death is not a punishment. If you thought they were, this book is for you," made me legs twitch with the fight-or-flight response. It's that true, it's that deep.
What made me glad that I got the book from the publisher via Edelweiss+ is the timelessness of grief and grieving. Every generation of humans feels it, which is why we have so many grave goods for archaeologists to plunder and ponder; many of our animal cohabitants seem to as well, eg elephants and crows; life being, then not being, inside someone we know and love is just flat weird. My old friend D'Anne died just before Christmas. I'd known her for fifty-three years. All the things that meant something to her in relation to me are now only in my mind. It's...strange.
And I hope her current husband is planning a bash! She'd've loved that. It's a great way to remember someone. As witness some of the author's rowdier experiences of parties where the guest of honor isn't breathing anymore. Offering the dead many of life's little luxuries has an old and distinguished history. The Japanese and Chinese, in today's cultural landscape, are the masters of the offerings with many things like paper iPhones burnt for the departed's use in the afterlife. Mexico's Day of the Dead isn't quite that au courant but it's got the best material culture, the calaveras de azúcar offered to the ancestors:
...and the modern innovation of the Día de los Muertos parade that the James Bond film Spectre made popular before COVID killed it, too.
So as I said, the author found her dream reader here. Why, then, didn't I rate the read more highly? I enjoyed it. I was educated by it, as painlessly as I think is possible. But the very thing that made it a painless read, a lovely glass of juice with a hefty glug of 151 rum in it (as the author discovers in New Orleans, visiting the Museum of Death and quaffing a Hurricane at Pat O'Brien's for afters), makes it feel more like it's about Author Buist on a weird kind of very amusing dark tourism trip. (I myownself vote that we start normalizing "thanatourism" for this; it's not necessarily dark!), is the thing that wore thin: It's about her. Her grief, her loss. Learning about other cultures was her way of coping, of giving her husband support in his own grieving process.
I know that's what it said on the tin. I know that's the explicit purpose for the book's existence. I support the author's quest and am glad I made her acquaintance, happy that her journey was rewarded as richly as it was in ways familiar and unfamiliar as her friends and her bosses and her husband made room for it all.
But I can't help my feeling of slight "I'm done now"ness. Her job, ably performed, merits the full four stars. Her amusing and emotionally resonant narrative voice merit the other half-star. But the tone, in the end, brought my personal enjoyment down from all the stars to almost all of them.
Still very much a book I'd urge you to make room for on your shelf.
February 7, 2022
A death tourism book? I’m there! This is the third I’ve read in recent years, after From Here to Eternity by Caitlin Doughty and Near the Exit by Lori Erickson. Buist’s journey was sparked off by the sudden death of her fiancé Dion’s father, Chris – he was dead for a week before his cleaner raised the alarm – and her burden of guilt. It’s an act of atonement for what happened to Chris and the fact that she and Dion, who used to lodge with him, weren’t there when he really needed it. It’s also her way of discovering a sense of the sacred around death, instead of simply fearing and hiding from it.
This takes place in roughly 2018. The author travelled to eight festivals in seven countries, starting with Mexico for the Day of the Dead and later for an exploration of Santa Muerte, a hero of the working class. Other destinations included Nepal, Sicily (“bones of the dead” biscotti), Madagascar (the “turning of the bones” ceremony – a days-long, extravagant party for a whole village), Thailand and Kyoto. The New Orleans chapter was a standout for me. It’s a city where the dead outnumber the living 10 to 1 (even before Katrina), and graveyard and ghost tours are a common tourist activity.
Buist is an entertaining writer, snappy and upbeat without ever seeming flippant as she discusses heavy topics. The mix of experience and research, the everyday and the momentous, is spot on and she recreates dialogue very well. I appreciated the earnest seeking here, and would happily read a book of hers on pretty much any subject.
This takes place in roughly 2018. The author travelled to eight festivals in seven countries, starting with Mexico for the Day of the Dead and later for an exploration of Santa Muerte, a hero of the working class. Other destinations included Nepal, Sicily (“bones of the dead” biscotti), Madagascar (the “turning of the bones” ceremony – a days-long, extravagant party for a whole village), Thailand and Kyoto. The New Orleans chapter was a standout for me. It’s a city where the dead outnumber the living 10 to 1 (even before Katrina), and graveyard and ghost tours are a common tourist activity.
Buist is an entertaining writer, snappy and upbeat without ever seeming flippant as she discusses heavy topics. The mix of experience and research, the everyday and the momentous, is spot on and she recreates dialogue very well. I appreciated the earnest seeking here, and would happily read a book of hers on pretty much any subject.
February 25, 2021
Following the death of her father-in-law to be, Erica Buist travels the world in an attempt to find out more about how people from different cultures deal with death at various death festivals. These include Nepal, Japan, Sicily, New Orleans, Mexico, Indonesia and Madagascar.
This book is a Chronicle of her journey and looks at the anxiety and religious views surrounding death, interspersed with much needed snippets of humour. Interesting information was included of her first hand presence at these events but I was neither compelled to attend nor find out more about these practices and concluded that grieving and death are personal. Hearing about what other people do is unlikely to alter what you are comfortable with, but does expand one's knowledge.
4 stars
This book is a Chronicle of her journey and looks at the anxiety and religious views surrounding death, interspersed with much needed snippets of humour. Interesting information was included of her first hand presence at these events but I was neither compelled to attend nor find out more about these practices and concluded that grieving and death are personal. Hearing about what other people do is unlikely to alter what you are comfortable with, but does expand one's knowledge.
4 stars
February 26, 2021
This was an interesting read about how different cultures approach the concept of death. I found fascinating to realise that however one culture accepts death as part of life, death does not necessarily means the end of one's life. As an agnostic tending to atheism, I have found this characteristic particularly thought-provoking .
Thank you, Erica for the opportunity to read your book for free on Facebook.
Thank you, Erica for the opportunity to read your book for free on Facebook.
May 11, 2025
An incredibly unique journey motivated by an all too familiar feeling. I’d recommend for anyone trying to find themselves at the intersection between grief, life, & love.
December 19, 2021
I loved this book. It’s made me re-evaluate my relationship with death.
It’s fascinating to read about how other cultures around the world deal with death, and it’s often done with an atmosphere of celebration as opposed to the hush-hush way we deal with it in Britain. As the author says, it’s almost taboo to talk about death in this country. It shouldn’t be. It happens to us all, so we may as well come to terms with it.
It’s fascinating to read about how other cultures around the world deal with death, and it’s often done with an atmosphere of celebration as opposed to the hush-hush way we deal with it in Britain. As the author says, it’s almost taboo to talk about death in this country. It shouldn’t be. It happens to us all, so we may as well come to terms with it.
November 3, 2025
Ich war am Anfang beim lesen irritiert, da ich ein Sachbuch erwartet habe. Stattdessen habe ich ein sehr persönliches Buch über Trauer gelesen und wie unterschiedlich überall auf der Welt mit Trauer und den Toten umgegangen wird. Ich finde das Buch ist ganz toll geschrieben und ich mag den Fokus den es darauf setzt, was die Rituale für die Hinterbliebenen bedeuten.
August 18, 2024
This was an incredibly heartfelt book that explores death and rituals around death in various cultures. It really got me thinking about my own feelings on death and bodies. It was written in an open and honest way that didn’t feel too sad or heavy. I honestly think everyone should pick this book up.
March 4, 2021
Well, who would have thought a book about death and death festivals would be so entertaining? We start the book on what the author calls the “Worst Tuesday” when her father-in-law to be is found dead in his house and has unfortunately been for over a week. What then follows is a series of events that although not funny at the time are funny when you look back – the funeral directors becoming locked in the room with the body, a sandwich throwing incident in the local shop and deciding whether food is a good enough reason to cure a case of agoraphobia.
In an idea to cure her agoraphobia and the death anxiety she has developed since her father-in-law-to-be passed, the author (Erica) decides to visit festivals around the world that celebrate rather than mourn death.
We start of in Mexico at the colourful Day of the Dead celebrations, and we are taken through the story behind La Catrina and the traditions that aren’t normally seen by tourists because it isn’t the party side. Next we are taken to Nepal and the Gaijatra festival which is led by a cow (or if a cow is unavailable a boy dressed as a cow). Next, we go to Sicily where there are biscotti specially made to represent bones and sugar knights. Madagascar’s Famadihana involves families “turning the bones” where they take their ancestors from the crypts and rewrap them and put their names on them before putting them back. China’s tomb-sweeping festival (Qingming) where they burn paper effigies of iPhones and money is next on the tour and then swiftly onto Japan’s Obon festival where they spend three days visiting their ancestors and honouring them with offerings. Finally we stop at Bali, where they can have a corpse resting in their house for years until family arguments are settled and they also will take them out of their tomb and hang out with them. Finally, we go back to the UK where Erica and her husband finally scatter her father-in-laws ashes.
Erica takes us through a journey of learning to accept death (unless you’re of the transhuman persuasion) and gives us a book full of humour whilst doing it. It’s definitely made me realise death shouldn’t be such a taboo subject and gave me a lot to think about. You can also visit her Instagram @thepartysdead for pictures of her journey!
In an idea to cure her agoraphobia and the death anxiety she has developed since her father-in-law-to-be passed, the author (Erica) decides to visit festivals around the world that celebrate rather than mourn death.
We start of in Mexico at the colourful Day of the Dead celebrations, and we are taken through the story behind La Catrina and the traditions that aren’t normally seen by tourists because it isn’t the party side. Next we are taken to Nepal and the Gaijatra festival which is led by a cow (or if a cow is unavailable a boy dressed as a cow). Next, we go to Sicily where there are biscotti specially made to represent bones and sugar knights. Madagascar’s Famadihana involves families “turning the bones” where they take their ancestors from the crypts and rewrap them and put their names on them before putting them back. China’s tomb-sweeping festival (Qingming) where they burn paper effigies of iPhones and money is next on the tour and then swiftly onto Japan’s Obon festival where they spend three days visiting their ancestors and honouring them with offerings. Finally we stop at Bali, where they can have a corpse resting in their house for years until family arguments are settled and they also will take them out of their tomb and hang out with them. Finally, we go back to the UK where Erica and her husband finally scatter her father-in-laws ashes.
Erica takes us through a journey of learning to accept death (unless you’re of the transhuman persuasion) and gives us a book full of humour whilst doing it. It’s definitely made me realise death shouldn’t be such a taboo subject and gave me a lot to think about. You can also visit her Instagram @thepartysdead for pictures of her journey!
February 27, 2021
I really enjoyed this non-fiction account of Erica Buist’s visits to different death festivals in order to explore how different cultures deal with death and the dead. The book was born out of sad circumstances when Erica’s father-in-law to be was found dead in the house they had previously shared. Erica found herself affected by his death in ways she hadn’t expected, and those journeys give her a chance to consider her own responses to death, as well as those of others.
This book is sometimes sad, but also joyful, uplifting and thought-provoking. We can definitely learn a thing or two from this book.
Read with The Pigeonhole.
This book is sometimes sad, but also joyful, uplifting and thought-provoking. We can definitely learn a thing or two from this book.
Read with The Pigeonhole.
May 25, 2021
It talks about death but it's full of humor and charm.
An excellent book that I thoroughly enjoyed and made me learn something new.
Highly recommended.
Many thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this ARC, all opinions are mine
An excellent book that I thoroughly enjoyed and made me learn something new.
Highly recommended.
Many thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this ARC, all opinions are mine
March 20, 2021
I loved this book. I'm always very interested in how others cultures deal with death. It was so interesting to follow Erica on her way to accept her own grief by experiencing how others deal with it.
May 24, 2022
This was a really cool read about several different death festivals around the world. It was so interesting to learn so much about the death culture in different places. Reading about how they celebrate and mourn and mentally comparing that to what we do, was very eye opening. I don't know if I can pick the death culture that was the most interesting to me because all of them were so unique and I found aspects of each very intriguing. Most of these cultures do not push their dead away and feel that it is almost taboo to talk about them, or celebrate who they were. They have special days and festivals where they can re visit their grief, talk about lost loved ones and celebrate who they were. This feels like a wonderful way to remember and just love.
So the story started when the author experienced the death of someone close to her and was having a hard time coping with the grief that she was experiencing. This sparks her to visit other places and see how they cope with the passing of loved ones. It turns into a fascinating trip that changes her views on death and how we approach it and helped her to find a way to deal with her own grief. I highly recommend reading this to help us all understand our relationship to death.
So the story started when the author experienced the death of someone close to her and was having a hard time coping with the grief that she was experiencing. This sparks her to visit other places and see how they cope with the passing of loved ones. It turns into a fascinating trip that changes her views on death and how we approach it and helped her to find a way to deal with her own grief. I highly recommend reading this to help us all understand our relationship to death.
March 10, 2021
trigger warning
After the death of her partner's father, Erica Buist has trouble coping, falling back to her old self after an appropiate amount of grieving, and doesn't even leave the house, feeling quite ridiculous, because they were not even related by blood.
In her seclusion, she reads about various celebrations around the globe, and decides to go and visit them - seven festivals in different cultures, to be exact.
Erica is not in any way an expert or has a professional connection to death and death rites. People would think it's weird what she does, if, you know, people were okay with talking about death.
Since she lived there for a while in college, her first trip takes Erica to the Day of the Dead in Mexico, where she visits cemetaries. Other trips include Italy, for festivities in Naples and the Capuchin monastery in Palermo, Kyoto for Obon, Madagaskar and Indonesia, Sicily and Nepal. Not in that order, mind.
Erica makes clear that all she has done before is some reading as she knew where she wants to go, and that all she can do is to be the best possible tourist - respectful of their host's cultures, and try to catch herself when viewing aspects through her British lens. And she becomes quiet good at that, which was fun to see. If you read this, I admire you for it, Erica.
All her hosts knew she was going to write about this, and they were okay with it, because they were involved, and trusted her after meeting her. It helped that she danced when she was expected to.
I can think of three main reasons why this book would appeal to you:
- like me, you're into funerary rites across the globe
- you're into travel accounts
- you're grieving and want to see how other people did it, and I mean not only the places that are visited, but especially Erica herself.
For me, the first two applied at this point in time. Yes, hi, if you're new here: I am an archaeologist and my special interest is with funerary rites because they tell a lot about your culture.
Regardless of why you've picked this up or want to, full recommendations.
There's a possibility that I'll be picking up a physical copy of this one day, to place next to Caitlin Doughty's books.
The arc was provided by the publisher.
After the death of her partner's father, Erica Buist has trouble coping, falling back to her old self after an appropiate amount of grieving, and doesn't even leave the house, feeling quite ridiculous, because they were not even related by blood.
In her seclusion, she reads about various celebrations around the globe, and decides to go and visit them - seven festivals in different cultures, to be exact.
Erica is not in any way an expert or has a professional connection to death and death rites. People would think it's weird what she does, if, you know, people were okay with talking about death.
Since she lived there for a while in college, her first trip takes Erica to the Day of the Dead in Mexico, where she visits cemetaries. Other trips include Italy, for festivities in Naples and the Capuchin monastery in Palermo, Kyoto for Obon, Madagaskar and Indonesia, Sicily and Nepal. Not in that order, mind.
Erica makes clear that all she has done before is some reading as she knew where she wants to go, and that all she can do is to be the best possible tourist - respectful of their host's cultures, and try to catch herself when viewing aspects through her British lens. And she becomes quiet good at that, which was fun to see. If you read this, I admire you for it, Erica.
All her hosts knew she was going to write about this, and they were okay with it, because they were involved, and trusted her after meeting her. It helped that she danced when she was expected to.
I can think of three main reasons why this book would appeal to you:
- like me, you're into funerary rites across the globe
- you're into travel accounts
- you're grieving and want to see how other people did it, and I mean not only the places that are visited, but especially Erica herself.
For me, the first two applied at this point in time. Yes, hi, if you're new here: I am an archaeologist and my special interest is with funerary rites because they tell a lot about your culture.
Regardless of why you've picked this up or want to, full recommendations.
There's a possibility that I'll be picking up a physical copy of this one day, to place next to Caitlin Doughty's books.
The arc was provided by the publisher.
October 15, 2021
After her father-in-law died at home, Erica and her husband didn't find his body for a week. Grief led her to an agoraphobic breakdown as she adjusted to the idea that everyone she knew might suddenly disappear -- and she wouldn't have a moment to say goodbye.
Buist, a journalist who had lived in Mexico before settling in London, hits on the idea to travel alone to seven death festivals around the world, searching for a healthier way to channel her grief. She watches a cremation in Varanasi, visits a shrine to Santa Muerte in Mexico, gets bonked in the head with a mummy in Madagascar, and learns to bake ossi dei morti (bones of the dead) in Sicily. Along the way, she experiences the cyclical nature of grief and learns to say goodbye to her father-in-law.
The book is written in an honest, open way that blends humor with some fairly grim descriptions. Buist is a thoughtful guest at the festivals she visits. In the end, she may not have the answers she thought she wanted, but she is more at peace with the questions.
Buist, a journalist who had lived in Mexico before settling in London, hits on the idea to travel alone to seven death festivals around the world, searching for a healthier way to channel her grief. She watches a cremation in Varanasi, visits a shrine to Santa Muerte in Mexico, gets bonked in the head with a mummy in Madagascar, and learns to bake ossi dei morti (bones of the dead) in Sicily. Along the way, she experiences the cyclical nature of grief and learns to say goodbye to her father-in-law.
The book is written in an honest, open way that blends humor with some fairly grim descriptions. Buist is a thoughtful guest at the festivals she visits. In the end, she may not have the answers she thought she wanted, but she is more at peace with the questions.
December 25, 2025
(3.5) my journey with this book: started it in april -> read three chapters before putting it down to read something else -> didn’t end up picking it back up until christmas day -> regretted putting it down in the first place since it was actually very good!
I love a good piece of non-fiction every once in a while and this definitely scratched that itch. I’m very fascinated by death which made this a super fun read, but I would honestly probably read anything written by erica buist, as I really enjoyed her writing!
I love a good piece of non-fiction every once in a while and this definitely scratched that itch. I’m very fascinated by death which made this a super fun read, but I would honestly probably read anything written by erica buist, as I really enjoyed her writing!
June 11, 2022
This book is perfect. It’s sad, it’s funny, it’s incredibly interesting, and it’s thought provoking. Death is such curious topic that really changes depending on the culture you are raised on. Definitely one of my favorite books of the year. I’m stoked I stumbled across this randomly at a bookstore.
July 4, 2022
Beautifully written book that, personally, I used to help me work through the deaths of some friends. Trying to cope with death from the perspective of the Western culture makes it unnecessarily difficult, especially trying to cope in your early 20s. Erica’s journey brings a respectful and hilarious way to approach death with eye-opening experiences that I’m glad I could live through with her.
July 18, 2022
Like talking with a friend about the many rituals surrounding death- I would've adored more details but I'm aware there is only so much you can cover in depth from seven different festivals while maintaining such a friendly tone
July 28, 2023
I don’t not like it. But this is not what I was expecting, so those expectations make this a bit disappointing. The best I can say for what the book turned out to be was Eat, Pray, Love meets Death kinda vibe.
August 9, 2022
3.5*
A cross between a memoir and a travel diary written in a colloquial style, full of humor to balance the heaviness of the subject. After having to deal with the unexpected grief of losing her future father-in-law, Erica sets off on a quest to visit 7 festivals dedicated to death/the dead. Her aim is to see how others deal with death & grief, hoping to learn how to better embrace the passing of loved ones and how to live with grief long term.
I really enjoyed 'accompanying' Erica on her journeys, especially that I haven't seen any of the destinations/festivals she covers in the book. I also loved the balance between objective descriptions/interviews and her personal experience, adding an bit of tenderness, much needed seen the subject.
The reasons why I'm rating this at just 3.5* are this: firstly I am not British. I cannot pretend to understand their relationship with death and why they are or aren't doing whatever they're doing/suppose to be doing when death strikes. Therefore I cannot really have the same experience as a Brit upon reading this, and that was crystal clear as I've read this along with others as part of a reading group. And secondly many of the customs presented in the pages of this book are not very far from the customs I am accustom to or I have seen/read about before. Furthermore I am used to having rituals surrounding the passing to another existence(hopefully?!). I have seen corpses since I can remember(my first memories of seeing a death person are from when I was about 7 years old), we have kept my grandfather's corpse in the house for 3 days. I remember my parental grandparents preparing everything for their death, including having their coffins made years in advance etc. Nothing that might come as a surprise to a Brit, or consider taboo here surprised me, or forced me to look at death from a different perspective than my own. So I guess it's safe to say that the lessons I was suppose to take away from the book were lost on me, lol. That being said, I do think this is a great book to read, especially if you are interested in the subject or want to learn more/ change your perspective about death.
*Many thanks to ThePigeonHole & Erica for the opportunity to read this, and again to Erica and the others for making reading this such a brill experience.
A cross between a memoir and a travel diary written in a colloquial style, full of humor to balance the heaviness of the subject. After having to deal with the unexpected grief of losing her future father-in-law, Erica sets off on a quest to visit 7 festivals dedicated to death/the dead. Her aim is to see how others deal with death & grief, hoping to learn how to better embrace the passing of loved ones and how to live with grief long term.
I really enjoyed 'accompanying' Erica on her journeys, especially that I haven't seen any of the destinations/festivals she covers in the book. I also loved the balance between objective descriptions/interviews and her personal experience, adding an bit of tenderness, much needed seen the subject.
The reasons why I'm rating this at just 3.5* are this: firstly I am not British. I cannot pretend to understand their relationship with death and why they are or aren't doing whatever they're doing/suppose to be doing when death strikes. Therefore I cannot really have the same experience as a Brit upon reading this, and that was crystal clear as I've read this along with others as part of a reading group. And secondly many of the customs presented in the pages of this book are not very far from the customs I am accustom to or I have seen/read about before. Furthermore I am used to having rituals surrounding the passing to another existence(hopefully?!). I have seen corpses since I can remember(my first memories of seeing a death person are from when I was about 7 years old), we have kept my grandfather's corpse in the house for 3 days. I remember my parental grandparents preparing everything for their death, including having their coffins made years in advance etc. Nothing that might come as a surprise to a Brit, or consider taboo here surprised me, or forced me to look at death from a different perspective than my own. So I guess it's safe to say that the lessons I was suppose to take away from the book were lost on me, lol. That being said, I do think this is a great book to read, especially if you are interested in the subject or want to learn more/ change your perspective about death.
*Many thanks to ThePigeonHole & Erica for the opportunity to read this, and again to Erica and the others for making reading this such a brill experience.
February 25, 2021
I received a review copy from Unbound via NetGalley of ‘This Party’s Dead’ by Erica Buist. It is subtitled: Grief, Joy and Spilled Rum at the World's Death Festivals. Thank you also to The Pigeonhole for hosting a great group read with the author. Very likely discussion resulted.
‘Spoiler Alert: We are all going to die.’
Following the sudden death of Chris, her fiancé’s father, Erica Buist finds herself overwhelmed by grief and the awareness that we are all going to die. This led to depression, agoraphobia, and her stalking friends online to ascertain whether any of them had also dropped dead without warning.
Erica finds that she is unable to extract herself from this spiral of death anxiety… until one day she decides to reclaim control. Her plan is to visit seven death festivals (deathivals) around the world to search for the answers to both fundamental and unexpected questions around death anxiety.
Her travels begin in Mexico for their Day of the Dead festivities and then moves on to Nepal, Sicily, Thailand, Madagascar, Japan and finally Indonesia – with a stopover in New Orleans. This city has always held a fascination for me and it was interesting to learn of the macabre history of its cemeteries in which the swampy ground conditions had led to corpses unexpectedly popping up during the 18th Century. This eventually led to the building of tombs above ground.
This was an interesting memoir that was thought provoking, moving and yet quite amusing in places. These lighter anecdotes included Erica’s near Bridget Jones’ moment of wandering obliviously through a TV news broadcast and her wondering if it was okay to take a selfie with a skull.
The book is both a personal journey as Erica deals with her anxieties about death and dying as well as asking broader questions about current attitudes.
This has long been a subject of importance to me; perhaps being self-identified as a Goth it goes with the territory. I certainly found it interesting to encounter through Erica’s eyes these various deathivals and learn more about different cultures.
It’s a memoir that I would heartily recommend for its honesty and for addressing this very important subject.
‘Spoiler Alert: We are all going to die.’
Following the sudden death of Chris, her fiancé’s father, Erica Buist finds herself overwhelmed by grief and the awareness that we are all going to die. This led to depression, agoraphobia, and her stalking friends online to ascertain whether any of them had also dropped dead without warning.
Erica finds that she is unable to extract herself from this spiral of death anxiety… until one day she decides to reclaim control. Her plan is to visit seven death festivals (deathivals) around the world to search for the answers to both fundamental and unexpected questions around death anxiety.
Her travels begin in Mexico for their Day of the Dead festivities and then moves on to Nepal, Sicily, Thailand, Madagascar, Japan and finally Indonesia – with a stopover in New Orleans. This city has always held a fascination for me and it was interesting to learn of the macabre history of its cemeteries in which the swampy ground conditions had led to corpses unexpectedly popping up during the 18th Century. This eventually led to the building of tombs above ground.
This was an interesting memoir that was thought provoking, moving and yet quite amusing in places. These lighter anecdotes included Erica’s near Bridget Jones’ moment of wandering obliviously through a TV news broadcast and her wondering if it was okay to take a selfie with a skull.
The book is both a personal journey as Erica deals with her anxieties about death and dying as well as asking broader questions about current attitudes.
This has long been a subject of importance to me; perhaps being self-identified as a Goth it goes with the territory. I certainly found it interesting to encounter through Erica’s eyes these various deathivals and learn more about different cultures.
It’s a memoir that I would heartily recommend for its honesty and for addressing this very important subject.
April 6, 2021
This Party's Dead by Erica Buist inhabits a space where memoirs both inform and frame a nonfiction informational book on a given topic. This can be a dangerous area, some readers will not want the memoir parts and some would probably be happy with fewer facts and more memoir and personal feelings. I found Buist to have found a nice place that will, I think, satisfy the vast majority of readers, just enough of each to complement the other.
Her initial story, her future father-in-law dying and not being found for seven days, sets up both the premise for tour of death festivals as well as the issue of how people face death, their own and those of loved ones. I found reading about her personal grief strategy (or lack thereof) helped to set up in broad terms how western society largely thinks about death, in particular the UK. This opened the door for her questions she asked of the many people she met in her travels. She also acknowledges her privilege, namely gaining financial advantage from someone's death, which she admits to feeling uneasy with and undeserving of.
The personal aspect of her journey (physical, intellectual, and emotional) worked very well for me, I found myself more open to her questions and comments simply because she was speaking from a lot of experience and not just from reading she did on the topic.
Reading this will, or at least it did for me, make readers think about death in a more nuanced way. Yet even by taking this journey with Buist, and experiencing these festivals largely through her eyes, we will all likely arrive at different destinations. Some traditions may speak to you more than others, while others you may dismiss out of hand. Buist allows enough room in her narrative for readers to do this without feeling they are "opposing" her ideas or feelings. If there is one thing this book absolutely illustrates is that death is both the most personal and the most public thing most of us will experience.
Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via Edelweiss.
Her initial story, her future father-in-law dying and not being found for seven days, sets up both the premise for tour of death festivals as well as the issue of how people face death, their own and those of loved ones. I found reading about her personal grief strategy (or lack thereof) helped to set up in broad terms how western society largely thinks about death, in particular the UK. This opened the door for her questions she asked of the many people she met in her travels. She also acknowledges her privilege, namely gaining financial advantage from someone's death, which she admits to feeling uneasy with and undeserving of.
The personal aspect of her journey (physical, intellectual, and emotional) worked very well for me, I found myself more open to her questions and comments simply because she was speaking from a lot of experience and not just from reading she did on the topic.
Reading this will, or at least it did for me, make readers think about death in a more nuanced way. Yet even by taking this journey with Buist, and experiencing these festivals largely through her eyes, we will all likely arrive at different destinations. Some traditions may speak to you more than others, while others you may dismiss out of hand. Buist allows enough room in her narrative for readers to do this without feeling they are "opposing" her ideas or feelings. If there is one thing this book absolutely illustrates is that death is both the most personal and the most public thing most of us will experience.
Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via Edelweiss.
August 30, 2021
I rarely write reviews here, but this book was so special, I felt compelled to do so. So this is my first Amazon review and also my first book review ever!
Reading Erica Buist’s wonderful book, This Party’s Dead, is a transformative experience — devastating, funny, beautiful. It starts with the discovery of her fiancé’s father after he’d been dead at home for 7 days. In an attempt to understand her death anxiety, the author decides to visit 7 death festivals around the world (one for each day that she didn’t find her future father-in-law) in places where they celebrate death and make the experience joyful.
The whole book is an intimate and immersive journey around the world to places that are familiar and remote and rendered in incredibly vivid detail. It feels like you’re there with the author. Her sense of wonder is contagious.
It’s really a unique book. In parts it feels like a smart travelogue/philosophical quest with a travel buddy so lovely and funny and human, I found myself wishing I could track her down in real life and hug her, befriend her, & sneak into her suitcase.
This is the kind of book that will change you. It’s the kind of book I want to carry around with me so that I can jump into one of the author’s adventures whenever I want. I always think about how something beautiful (a poem, a painting, a book) makes me feel joyful. Buist’s book is one of those rare experiences of art (ironically about death) that makes me feel happy to be alive.
I can’t recommend this book enough!! I’m buying the hard copy when it comes out. 10 stars!!!
Reading Erica Buist’s wonderful book, This Party’s Dead, is a transformative experience — devastating, funny, beautiful. It starts with the discovery of her fiancé’s father after he’d been dead at home for 7 days. In an attempt to understand her death anxiety, the author decides to visit 7 death festivals around the world (one for each day that she didn’t find her future father-in-law) in places where they celebrate death and make the experience joyful.
The whole book is an intimate and immersive journey around the world to places that are familiar and remote and rendered in incredibly vivid detail. It feels like you’re there with the author. Her sense of wonder is contagious.
It’s really a unique book. In parts it feels like a smart travelogue/philosophical quest with a travel buddy so lovely and funny and human, I found myself wishing I could track her down in real life and hug her, befriend her, & sneak into her suitcase.
This is the kind of book that will change you. It’s the kind of book I want to carry around with me so that I can jump into one of the author’s adventures whenever I want. I always think about how something beautiful (a poem, a painting, a book) makes me feel joyful. Buist’s book is one of those rare experiences of art (ironically about death) that makes me feel happy to be alive.
I can’t recommend this book enough!! I’m buying the hard copy when it comes out. 10 stars!!!
August 19, 2021
A funny, entertaining and thought-provoking look at different attitudes to death across the world, from transhumanism in the US to conversations with corpses in Bali.
I enjoyed learning about cultural differences and the rituals at various death festivals, but by Western standards I think I'm already pretty accepting of death, so it didn't really change my perspective. But that's not a flaw in the book - just an observation that you'll probably get even more out of This Party's Dead if, like the author, the thought of death fills you with fear and discomfort, or if you're currently grieving.
Whatever your thoughts on death, it's a strangely fun and easy read, considering the subject matter. It's moving, but never depressing or heavy-going. It's light, witty and relatable without seeming supericial or disrespectful. The more I think about it...it's an impressive achievement, finding exactly the right tone for such a sensitive subject, and mixing the personal (the author's grief after the death of her father-in-law) with the global (the US/UK, Mexico, Sicily, Madagascar, China and more...).
It's the perfect balance. And is it weird to say "the perfect summer read"? Because it kind of is...but like I said before, I'm okay with death. Maybe have a think about your own mental state and beliefs before you take pack it in your beach bag...
I enjoyed learning about cultural differences and the rituals at various death festivals, but by Western standards I think I'm already pretty accepting of death, so it didn't really change my perspective. But that's not a flaw in the book - just an observation that you'll probably get even more out of This Party's Dead if, like the author, the thought of death fills you with fear and discomfort, or if you're currently grieving.
Whatever your thoughts on death, it's a strangely fun and easy read, considering the subject matter. It's moving, but never depressing or heavy-going. It's light, witty and relatable without seeming supericial or disrespectful. The more I think about it...it's an impressive achievement, finding exactly the right tone for such a sensitive subject, and mixing the personal (the author's grief after the death of her father-in-law) with the global (the US/UK, Mexico, Sicily, Madagascar, China and more...).
It's the perfect balance. And is it weird to say "the perfect summer read"? Because it kind of is...but like I said before, I'm okay with death. Maybe have a think about your own mental state and beliefs before you take pack it in your beach bag...
July 2, 2023
I just wanted to say I don’t understand why the author thinks Brits are terrible when it comes to think or speak of death when they literally “invented” Victorian funeral rites and there are dozens of UK academic study groups about death studies and the gothic. Not to mention post-punk and goth subcultures that always were strong in the country and many revolve around death, darkness, creepy stuff. Maybe they’re just not good at making death fun and colourful.
Other than that, fun read — more on a memoir side than an academic, or even journalistic content about death rituals. Though the author is a journalist, I wouldn’t say this is a journalistic book as there’s plenty of personal opinions and viewpoints being shared. Some are quite shallow like the one she shared about the transhumanists, in case you are familiar with the topic.
Also, sometimes while reading this book it made me think of that meme “Directed by Robert B. Wilde” when people speculate, say, that the person started seeing a therapist instead of doing whatever their story is about. And I say this respectfully as a fellow journalist who is also a researcher and wrote a phd thesis about death in order to deal with my own losses and grief.
Other than that, fun read — more on a memoir side than an academic, or even journalistic content about death rituals. Though the author is a journalist, I wouldn’t say this is a journalistic book as there’s plenty of personal opinions and viewpoints being shared. Some are quite shallow like the one she shared about the transhumanists, in case you are familiar with the topic.
Also, sometimes while reading this book it made me think of that meme “Directed by Robert B. Wilde” when people speculate, say, that the person started seeing a therapist instead of doing whatever their story is about. And I say this respectfully as a fellow journalist who is also a researcher and wrote a phd thesis about death in order to deal with my own losses and grief.
January 23, 2024
Absolutely adored this book and highly recommend. It’s funny, thoughtful, emotional and so well written. It was wonderful to read about how different cultures deal with and, in a way, celebrate death. I thought one of the best chapters was ‘Equal in Death’ on how inequalities people face in life don’t necessarily end with their death and the importance of making this right. Brought me to tears a couple of times and highlighted how love doesn’t end when we die.
December 18, 2022
“If nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life.”
I found this book at a time in which my anxiety was at an all time high with death. I almost feel like one of my dead loved ones threw it at me to help me.
I loved the writing in this book. Not only was it incredibly entertaining and heartfelt. But it was also very interesting and introspective.
I found this book at a time in which my anxiety was at an all time high with death. I almost feel like one of my dead loved ones threw it at me to help me.
I loved the writing in this book. Not only was it incredibly entertaining and heartfelt. But it was also very interesting and introspective.
March 25, 2025
This was truly amazing and so wonderful to read. It’s partially the story about grief and how to go through it and then also the anthropological part of it of visiting all these different cultures with very different death festivals. Very interesting and easy to read!
January 3, 2025
Erica’s father-in-law-to-be is found dead by her partner lying in bed with a book on his chest and his glasses on his forehead. He had died 8 days earlier.
Despite Chris being Erica's 'to be' father-in-law, she has a particularly difficult time dealing with the shock and grief of his loss, and the realisation that her life could be impacted by death. She turns inward and after a sufficient period of wallowing heads off to seven death festivals to learn more about death, to pay her respects for Chris and to hopefully reengage herself with work and life.
I started reading this book on the plane to Singapore and before we even got to the first meal, I was 60 pages in. The writing is sharp and incredibly witty. It is laced with a fast and sarcastic humour which is mostly picking fun at her own inabilities or confusion. It is a gleeful ride and I was totally hooked.
Sadly this witty sarcastic humour is not carried through the rest of the book, and while never sombre (which would be an easy trap to fall into, with a book about death), it is not quite as up-beat or perhaps 'as worked' as the first section to keep the wit at such a tight level.
However, that is not to say the rest of the book is not enjoyable or engrossing. It is definitely that, I can just say that after I snorted with laughter on the way to Singapore, on the flight from Singapore to London I just read with a deep interest. The guy next to me was able to sleep soundly without guffaws, sobs or deep inhales from me (yes, I am rarely a quiet and orderly reader).
So, Erica starts with Mexico’s Day of the Dead, and travels from there to Nepal, Sicily, Thailand, Madagascar, Japan and Indonesia. At each she shares the details of their festival of the dead, but also about her journey, and most importantly her insights, and I found these quite fascinating to ponder. The way we in western societies approach, talk about, deal with, death and grief. It really is quite different to other parts of the world. Some of those, are also not quite 'healthy' or what I would like to 'celebrate', but the fact that death is something we will all need to work through and recover from, likely on multiple occasions during our lives, I agree with Buist that it is weird that we do not talk about it, and when we do, it is deep and difficult.
I really enjoyed the journey this book took me on. I have learned a lot about festivals that are likely dying in our global conformation to the western norm, and also have had time to question the way that our society (or rather me personally as a mother and daughter) approaches death. I think about these new learnings with regard to my own parents and I am not sure how to change the narrative, but for my child, I feel that we are more open with this subject. Perhaps it is also not healthy, such that I know that she wants to freeze me until such time as I can be
Despite Chris being Erica's 'to be' father-in-law, she has a particularly difficult time dealing with the shock and grief of his loss, and the realisation that her life could be impacted by death. She turns inward and after a sufficient period of wallowing heads off to seven death festivals to learn more about death, to pay her respects for Chris and to hopefully reengage herself with work and life.
I started reading this book on the plane to Singapore and before we even got to the first meal, I was 60 pages in. The writing is sharp and incredibly witty. It is laced with a fast and sarcastic humour which is mostly picking fun at her own inabilities or confusion. It is a gleeful ride and I was totally hooked.
Sadly this witty sarcastic humour is not carried through the rest of the book, and while never sombre (which would be an easy trap to fall into, with a book about death), it is not quite as up-beat or perhaps 'as worked' as the first section to keep the wit at such a tight level.
However, that is not to say the rest of the book is not enjoyable or engrossing. It is definitely that, I can just say that after I snorted with laughter on the way to Singapore, on the flight from Singapore to London I just read with a deep interest. The guy next to me was able to sleep soundly without guffaws, sobs or deep inhales from me (yes, I am rarely a quiet and orderly reader).
So, Erica starts with Mexico’s Day of the Dead, and travels from there to Nepal, Sicily, Thailand, Madagascar, Japan and Indonesia. At each she shares the details of their festival of the dead, but also about her journey, and most importantly her insights, and I found these quite fascinating to ponder. The way we in western societies approach, talk about, deal with, death and grief. It really is quite different to other parts of the world. Some of those, are also not quite 'healthy' or what I would like to 'celebrate', but the fact that death is something we will all need to work through and recover from, likely on multiple occasions during our lives, I agree with Buist that it is weird that we do not talk about it, and when we do, it is deep and difficult.
I really enjoyed the journey this book took me on. I have learned a lot about festivals that are likely dying in our global conformation to the western norm, and also have had time to question the way that our society (or rather me personally as a mother and daughter) approaches death. I think about these new learnings with regard to my own parents and I am not sure how to change the narrative, but for my child, I feel that we are more open with this subject. Perhaps it is also not healthy, such that I know that she wants to freeze me until such time as I can be
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