I have so much to say. This story is both very personal and surprisingly relevant to the socio-political landscape we are currently facing in the Philippines.
Present day Soledad is broken. She is a shell of her former self, an amnesiac still living in a past that never goes away. We get to listen to her point of view. A self-proclaimed unreliable narrator, she doubts everything she recalls. So we listen as her world is slowly stitched together pieced memory-by-memory till we glimpse the past and observe a shriveled bud turn back the clock back to a beautiful flower - colorful, blooming, alive.
Her story is that of a young aristocratic student who, despite being the daughter of the military’s largest weapons dealer during the Marcos dictatorship in the 80s, discovers radical activism in the university. Like an oblivious sheep whose blindfold is slowly removed, she unearths evidence of slaughtered common folk being mutilated by the very weapons that keep her privileged life sustainable. She asks herself fundamental questions about who she is and ultimately what can she do to atone. Living a double life she plays the part of the witless daughter at home, but works as the conflicted activist in the university.
The university, the one with the nude oblation, is very dear to my heart. It is the same university I call my alma mater. I experienced moments of nostalgia as I read familiar buildings, streets I know by heart, and experiences I had years back. In fact I was still roaming those halls, very much involved in campus activism, when the final events of this story take place.
Sometimes when I close my eyes I can still hear the chants. The years I spent in the university were special to me not just because it afforded me higher education but also because it opened my eyes to things that are bigger than who I am and what is keeping me comfortable. I recall marching through the streets placard held high for different causes from accessible education, women’s rights, affordable healthcare, transparency in governance, and other meaningful causes. I once even attended a rally condemning the efforts of some to allow the entombment of the dictator’s remains in our country’s cemetery for heroes. I chanted with thousands, “Marcos! Hitler! Diktador! Tuta!” You can hear our voices hoarse but the indignation palpable. I can still feel the warm sensation inside my gut when I recall those days.
Sol is an interesting character because her allegiance to the cause is never really established. She teeters between having a serious commitment to just participating out of fancy. Ultimately she decides to take the extreme approach. However she does this not out of commitment to the cause, but rather because of romantic interest to a fellow aristocrat playing the activist. At the heart of this story is a commentary on the social divide and how even in some of the most impactful moments in history, the solemn efforts of the underprivileged is undermined by the passing fancy of the elite. In the end we learn that she is not a victim, but an enabler. That their act of rebellion nothing more than a click of a button, exchanging one evil for another, moving one channel to the next.
In spite of her sins, she was forced into innocence. Her very own sanity questioned so that another can be crucified. All because of who she is. But fortune is not as easily fooled; and so she was punished with the eternal fate of being imprisoned in the past unable to come to grips beyond what was.
Sometimes I think everything we did then was meaningless. Eventually Ferdinand Marcos Sr.’s body was buried in the cemetery for heroes, to the chagrin of many. Now his son is the leading candidate for the country’s Presidency with millions of supporters behind him. Our very own history is being re-written in front of our eyes with majority of the country’s undereducated falling prey to the Marcos’s heavy misinformation campaign on social media that things were “better” during the martial law years. But no matter how much they cloud public opinion - literature, records, and facts – these remind us that human rights abuses and corruption were most rampant during the dictatorship of the Marcoses. Our burden is now to educate the rest of the populace and try to pry the blindfolds away from their unsuspecting eyes.
I still question the impact we had back then, and more so what kind of impact we can have now.
But then I remember that education in our country’s state universities are now free, that reproductive health is now a law in the country, that the freedom of information act was passed a few years ago, and while we have a million more problems to fix, even if things look hopeless, we can take comfort in the small battles we’ve won. The war for a better country is still being fought.
Whether Marcos Jr. wins or loses the elections this year, we, the nation’s citizens, have a responsibility to fight the small battles we face. It’s an accumulation of small battles won that eventually turns the tide. Maybe we’ll lose more battles than we will win. But the records of our battles, whether won or lost, will be chronicled, remembered, so that those after us can learn from what we did. Maybe our struggle can be their absolution.
“It is a lie. But it is one of those things. No one will ever know. No one will tell. There have been no more confessions. It’s horrible how we forget the past, just like that – we forget how war has killed the best of us. People barely remember her name, the names of those who fell to the dictatorship. The best among us have died. And it is the cockroaches who survive. I told Ed: somehow, it seems to me, we are guilty of a failure of memory.”
We forget, but the beautiful thing about memories is that though they might be forgotten, they are just there floating, waiting for a chance to be brought back, remembered.
George Orwell once wrote, “The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history.”
I desperately hope the people of the Philippines remember.