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336 pages, Hardcover
First published October 25, 2022
My mother's family are Swiss-German Mennonite, my father's Somali Muslims. (p.9)The above description is adequate for most people, but readers of this review who may share part of this ancestry will be interested in my elaboration on the subject in this
How often I've been told I'm false, impossible, unreal. Somali and Swiss Mennonite: no one can make it work. How often I've been told that everybody will look like me once time has ushered in the blessed, post racial kingdom.The following is a description of the author's growing understanding of her mixed background that was a product of colonialization and missionary work.
If to be a Mennonite writer is to be a cultural hybrid, and to be Somali and Swiss is to be an ethnic hybrid, and to be a Mennonite granddaughter of a Muslim sheikh is to be a religious hybrid, then I am not so much a hybrid as a Rubik's cube. (p.131)
During my childhood, people were trying to chart a path between nativism and assimilation. In their effort to decolonize they emphasized the agency of the colonized, who had roots and traveled—usually forced, in some way—on routes. By the time I reached college, this discussion had yielded to the notion of hybridity. Very quickly came creolization, indigenization, and global flows. I studied the methods of crossing: mestizaje, mimicry, and their delinquent cousin cultural appropriation. (p.208)We know the exact date of the end of the Mennonite colony in Uzbekistan. The following excerpt describes their involuntary departure forced by the Soviets.
The retired headmaster tells us how the Mennonites were taken away. It was June 18, 1935. ... Eighteen trucks drove into the village. Each deportee was permitted to pack one sack of belongings. The rest of their things were loaded onto the trucks, separate from the people, except for a few items hurriedly given away, like the one inherited by the retired headmaster's family. It was around lunchtime, very sudden. The Khivans who worked for the Mennonites or lived nearby were in an uproar, running after the trucks, shouting and weeping for their neighbors. And that was the end: a community snatched up, removed in the blink of an eye, in a chilling parody of the Rapture. (p.258)One place in the book it's said they were taken to the desert to die. This book is not clear about their fate. This Interactive Map of the Mennonite Great Trek indicates that they were deported to a barren area where "there was only heaven and steppe." [i.e. Village Number 7 - Kumsangir, Tajikistan] They lived there as a collective until the fall of the Soviet Union. Many from this exile settlement moved to Germany as "Aussiedler" during the 1990s. Descendants now live in the area around Bielefeld, Germany.
It's a wonderful grab bag of singers and readers and prodigals and seekers, a miscellany of either/or and both/and. And today, if you asked me to name the strength of the Mennonite Church, I would say it's precisely what looks like weakness and contradiction, the patchwork of people brought together in such different ways, by birth and faith and thirst, to build a house of effort and care. I would say my church almost looks like my idea of utopia. And I'd have to add that on a typical Sunday, with around three hundred in attendance, you can count the people of color on your two hands. (p.292)Near the end of the book, which is also the end of the Uzbekistan trip, the author provides the following reflections regarding the trip.
And was this trip my I Am event? Did I find the language of wholeness? ... I would call this trip my They Were event. For what was it that made the glow, the excitement that brought me here? I thought it was the promise of integration, of seeing myself as one, of finally claiming emphtically I Am, but instead I saw them, those others, how variously and chaotically They Were.
It wasn't me. It was them. The glow wasn't that I was reflected whole. It was that they were reflected prismatically, as mosaic. (p.303)

When I eat this honey, I'm not thinking about the Mennonite travelers. Only later, on the bus, do I wonder if they tasted it too. Eating this honey requires everything of you. I think of the Sufi philosophers who compared spiritual experience to the taste of honey. Honey is sweet and sugar is sweet, but their tastes are not the same. Is it possible to explain the difference in words? No: you can only know the taste of honey with your body. And only through feeling can you know the taste of love. When we leave this place with a bag of apples, one more gift for the road, I will think, There is so much goodwill in the world. And that one sentence will seem to weigh as much as a whole book. That's it, I'll think, that one sentence, that's all I have to write. But by the next day it will look worn, its sheen dissipated, it will have turned back into an ordinary glass bowl, and I'll think, what's wrong with me, why are my ideas so simplistic, so insipid, why do I think like a greeting card? How can a sentence like we are all one be so true and so false at the same time? I don't know, I tell Frank in the courtyard, if we can ever relate this experience, if we can ever express it without the tight grip of a handshake, the tang of cherries, the thickness of honey, and he says, "That's why we have writers."
At the church retreat, we divide into groups and pick martyr stories out of a hat: each group will act out a story while the others guess what it is. The Dirk Willems story is so easy to guess, everybody groans. I'm not in that group: my group gets Gerrit Hazenpoet the tailor, who, as he was being burned at the stake, kicked off his slippers, saying, "It were a pity to burn them for they can be of service to some poor person." We can't use props, and we're not allowed to talk. One of us plays Gerrit Hazenpoet; another plays the stake. The children get on their knees and wave their arms in the air, wriggling their fingers around our Hazenpoet, in the role of flames. It's winter, at a Wisconsin campsite, beat-up couches around us, fluorescent light, and we're all laughing, and it occurs to me that this is a little bit ghoulish, that there's something macabre about the whole game, especially the children convulsed with giggles. Our martyr kicks off his shoes. "Gerrit Hazenpoet!" somebody yells.