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How to Be a Girl: A Mother’s Memoir of Raising Her Transgender Daughter
A poignant narrative of one mom’s journey to support her transgender daughter—showing how any parent can forge a deeper bond with their child by truly listening
Mama, something went wrong in your tummy. And it made me come out as a boy instead of a girl.
When Marlo Mack’s three-year-old utters these words, her world splits wide open. Friends and family, experts, and Marlo herself had long downplayed her “son’s” requests for pretty dresses and long hair as experimentation—as a phase—but that time is over. When little “M” begs, weeping, to be reborn, Marlo knows she has to start listening to her kid.
How to Be a Girl is Mack’s unflinching memoir of M’s coming out—to her father, grandparents, classmates, and the world. Fearful of the prejudice that menaces M’s future, Mack finds her liberal values surprisingly challenged: Why can’t M just be a boy who wears skirts and loves fairies? But M doesn’t give up: She’s a girl!
As mother and daughter teach one another How to Be a Girl, Mack realizes it’s really the world that has a lot to learn—from her sparkly, spectacular M.
Mama, something went wrong in your tummy. And it made me come out as a boy instead of a girl.
When Marlo Mack’s three-year-old utters these words, her world splits wide open. Friends and family, experts, and Marlo herself had long downplayed her “son’s” requests for pretty dresses and long hair as experimentation—as a phase—but that time is over. When little “M” begs, weeping, to be reborn, Marlo knows she has to start listening to her kid.
How to Be a Girl is Mack’s unflinching memoir of M’s coming out—to her father, grandparents, classmates, and the world. Fearful of the prejudice that menaces M’s future, Mack finds her liberal values surprisingly challenged: Why can’t M just be a boy who wears skirts and loves fairies? But M doesn’t give up: She’s a girl!
As mother and daughter teach one another How to Be a Girl, Mack realizes it’s really the world that has a lot to learn—from her sparkly, spectacular M.
272 pages, Paperback
First published November 5, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 94 reviews
March 16, 2022
Do you know any transgender people around you? Yes? You should read this. No? You should read this.
Read it, then go listen to the podcast with the same name.
Then go do more research.
Then count your privileges.
Then be a better human.
Simple as that.
Read it, then go listen to the podcast with the same name.
Then go do more research.
Then count your privileges.
Then be a better human.
Simple as that.
July 30, 2021
How to be a girl is a moving, brave and incredibly vital memoir that will make you cry and lift you up, Break your heart then wrap a blanket around your shoulders because the story within these pages IS unconditional love and acceptance embodied; It does not get more real, more heart wrenching. or more inspirational than this memoir.
How to be a Girl is a mothers story of her journey in raising a transgendered child. While the subject is still relatively new to being recognized as important and acceptable, many stories starting to hit shelves are from the child's point of view.; While those stories are equally vital the knowledge we gain by reading a parents experience through the journey could not possibly be more relevant than is is right now.
Ask yourself as a Mother or as a father what would you do if one day your child comes at you with something like this:
"Mama, he said, "something went wrong in your tummy...and it made me come out as a boy instead of a girl. "Put me back Mama Put me back so I can come out again as a girl! "
This is M's reality as she knew how to voice while being so young. This is the outburst Mack was faced with and this is what truly set off the journey about to unfold.
We follow along as worlds feel shattered, new territory is explored, mistakes are made and learning happens every single day for both Mother and daughter. Together the path is paved from a raging storm to the gentle ebb and flow of daily life, of family life as it is for any individual.
As readers, we can not gain more from a story than this one. Readers will learn right along with Mack and M, and gather some tools necessary to avoid a situation that for some may be messy. Keep in mind while reading that this is real, this is going on not only for M but for millions of individuals, young and old around the world today. Let this story guide you to a place of solid ground,
A perfect accompaniment to the podcast, which if you haven't already been following you must do so now, This book is a start yes, but you will truly be missing out if you don't also give the podcast a try.
I do so love the visual aids scattered amongst the book that provides us one more thing the podcast can't quite achieve on its own.
Thank you to Netgalley and publishers for the advanced e-copy in exchange for my honest opinion. I am beyond proud to promote this book and will be shouting it's title from the rooftops until everyone near me has experienced this one.
How to be a Girl is a mothers story of her journey in raising a transgendered child. While the subject is still relatively new to being recognized as important and acceptable, many stories starting to hit shelves are from the child's point of view.; While those stories are equally vital the knowledge we gain by reading a parents experience through the journey could not possibly be more relevant than is is right now.
Ask yourself as a Mother or as a father what would you do if one day your child comes at you with something like this:
"Mama, he said, "something went wrong in your tummy...and it made me come out as a boy instead of a girl. "Put me back Mama Put me back so I can come out again as a girl! "
This is M's reality as she knew how to voice while being so young. This is the outburst Mack was faced with and this is what truly set off the journey about to unfold.
We follow along as worlds feel shattered, new territory is explored, mistakes are made and learning happens every single day for both Mother and daughter. Together the path is paved from a raging storm to the gentle ebb and flow of daily life, of family life as it is for any individual.
As readers, we can not gain more from a story than this one. Readers will learn right along with Mack and M, and gather some tools necessary to avoid a situation that for some may be messy. Keep in mind while reading that this is real, this is going on not only for M but for millions of individuals, young and old around the world today. Let this story guide you to a place of solid ground,
A perfect accompaniment to the podcast, which if you haven't already been following you must do so now, This book is a start yes, but you will truly be missing out if you don't also give the podcast a try.
I do so love the visual aids scattered amongst the book that provides us one more thing the podcast can't quite achieve on its own.
Thank you to Netgalley and publishers for the advanced e-copy in exchange for my honest opinion. I am beyond proud to promote this book and will be shouting it's title from the rooftops until everyone near me has experienced this one.
July 2, 2024
I came across Marlo Mack’s podcast of the same name and listened to many of the episodes. She discontinued it for a time, at her daughter’s request, which spoke highly of her commitment to putting her daughter’s needs before any possibility of notoriety or listenership. The podcast briefly got an update last December, where Mack mentions she might podcast infrequently with updates about her life and less about her daughter’s, which makes sense. In any event, I knew immediately I needed to read this book. How to Be a Girl is
Just as heads up this review will be a little more personal than most, given how entwined this book’s subject is with my identity as a trans woman.
Mack tells her story chronologically, which makes sense, starting with her daughter’s insistence that she’s a girl. This occurs as Mack is in the process of divorcing her daughter’s father, who to his credit seems like a good dude in the sense that he accepts his daughter’s gender identity pretty willingly. Mack does not sugarcoat or suppress the anxiety, discomfort, and reluctance that she feels. She struggles with the revelation. Hopes it isn’t true. Tries to find any possible alternative, up to and including the idea that her son might a gay and effeminate boy—but still a boy. It’s a long road for her to come to terms with things, and she’s plenty critical enough of herself—I won’t judge her.
That’s one reason I wanted to read How to Be a Girl. I came to my identity as a woman later in life, when I was thirty (though, in hindsight, I think I had inklings as far back as Grade 7 or 8, maybe younger). My coming out to my (supportive and affirming) parents was far more expository than beseeching: I was letting them know what I had decided, not requesting their help. In the case of M., as Mack refers to her daughter throughout this book, at three or four years old, she is so dependent on her parents’ good will. This is the first of many stark differences between my gender journey and M.’s, and it’s why I’m glad I read this book. Every trans experience is different, and even though this is not a memoir of a trans person, it is a transgender memoir of a kind, and I will keep collecting these stories as I live my own.
Mack shares some of the details of reconciling with M.’s identity: the visits to therapists and psychiatrists, the paperwork and sorting out of procedures at school. I can’t imagine what supportive parents go through as they navigate these bureaucratic and social hurdles on behalf of their trans children. This should be required reading for cis people in positions of policymaking power at school boards and similar authorities: there is a difference between being tolerant of trans and gender-diverse kids and actually working to dismantle the systemic barriers that make it harder for them to learn, grow, and succeed. Mack is great at crystallizing those barriers, both from her perspective as a mother and from what she shares of M.’s perspective.
On that note, the perspicacity and simplicity of M.’s understanding of her gender and how she relates to her friends is beautiful. I appreciate Mack’s willingness to step out of the way and repeat her daughter’s wisdom as verbatim as she can remember. Trans kids are, ultimately, kids. They just want to have a childhood, live their life. Mack marvels at M.’s resilience even as she bemoans M.’s precocious understanding that she is different from other girls and exists at a disadvantage in the system as it is set up. So we marvel and bemoan as well.
This was a hard book for me to read. “There but for the grace of God…” and all that. I often (like, weekly) contemplate how my life could have been different had I transitioned sooner. I likely would have had a much harder time, to be brutally honest. Transitioning at thirty, well into my career in a union job in a country with imperfect but progressive human rights protections for gender identity … I did it from a position of immense privilege. Transitioning at twenty-three just as I was moving to England? At seventeen, on the cusp of university? At ten, still in elementary school? Wow. Even as I mourn the childhood I didn’t have, I can’t conceive of what that childhood could have been like.
So it’s hard, reading Mack’s memoir, because even as I feel for her and M., I’m also incredibly envious. I want M.’s childhood. I want her life. No, that’s not precisely it—I don’t really want to be coming of age during this tumultuous time for trans rights. But I’m getting emotional as I write this paragraph because I’m reflecting on how the massive sense of loss welling up from within me. Even though my transition has been an exceedingly happy one. Even though my parents have both been unfailingly affirming from the moment I came out. Through no individual person’s fault but rather through the fault of the society in which I grew up, I missed out in a way that M. won’t, thanks to Mack and her advocacy.
That’s the power of this book. It’s a simple memoir told simply—Mack is not an exceptional writer, but her words are raw and honest. She avoids sensationalizing. She avoid being dramatic. When sucky stuff happens, she sketches an outline of the incident. Even those individual incidents are few and far between for the family, emphasizing how anti-transness and transphobia, much like racism, are more about systemic acts than individual ones. It isn’t the people in Mack or M.’s world that give them problems so much as it is the systems that make it hard for M. to live authentically—and, though this book was published just prior to the surge of anti-trans lawmaking the United States, the legislation or lack thereof to support transition, especially for trans kids.
I don’t know what else to tell you. This book is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s not perfect. If you have read other trans memoirs or memoirs of trans parents, you will recognize many of the themes here—though like I said, every journey is unique. Mack herself acknowledges the privileges she and M. have, being white in America, being middle class enough to afford (if barely) a private school that’s more inclusive and affirming. Racialized trans kids have it even harder. Privilege aside, though, Mack’s story—and her daughter’s story, but M. is not old enough to tell it from her point of view yet and may never want to tell it, which is totally valid—matters.
Would I recommend this to other trans people? Sure, though be prepared to find it provocative-on-the-verge-of-triggering like I did. More obviously, this memoir is for the cis folks in the room. You need to do your homework, especially if you’re a parent or becoming one soon—because, yeah, your kid could be trans. And that isn’t a bad thing. It’s just a thing, one thing among many that our society happens to make more difficult at the moment. So do your research. Read this book. Prepare yourself for the possibility, and if your kid doesn’t end up questioning their gender, cool—you’ll be ready to support your parent friends whose kids do go through this. The more we can do that, the more we can tear down these systems, the more kids who get to grow up like M.—or even more smoothly. And the fewer who grow up and realize later, like me—or who never grow up at all.
Sorry to end it on a downer. It’s a good book. It’s important. But that’s really what this comes down to: survival. How to Be a Girl is a story of trust, of believing one’s child, and of coming through to the other side stronger as a family.
Originally posted on Kara.Reviews.
Just as heads up this review will be a little more personal than most, given how entwined this book’s subject is with my identity as a trans woman.
Mack tells her story chronologically, which makes sense, starting with her daughter’s insistence that she’s a girl. This occurs as Mack is in the process of divorcing her daughter’s father, who to his credit seems like a good dude in the sense that he accepts his daughter’s gender identity pretty willingly. Mack does not sugarcoat or suppress the anxiety, discomfort, and reluctance that she feels. She struggles with the revelation. Hopes it isn’t true. Tries to find any possible alternative, up to and including the idea that her son might a gay and effeminate boy—but still a boy. It’s a long road for her to come to terms with things, and she’s plenty critical enough of herself—I won’t judge her.
That’s one reason I wanted to read How to Be a Girl. I came to my identity as a woman later in life, when I was thirty (though, in hindsight, I think I had inklings as far back as Grade 7 or 8, maybe younger). My coming out to my (supportive and affirming) parents was far more expository than beseeching: I was letting them know what I had decided, not requesting their help. In the case of M., as Mack refers to her daughter throughout this book, at three or four years old, she is so dependent on her parents’ good will. This is the first of many stark differences between my gender journey and M.’s, and it’s why I’m glad I read this book. Every trans experience is different, and even though this is not a memoir of a trans person, it is a transgender memoir of a kind, and I will keep collecting these stories as I live my own.
Mack shares some of the details of reconciling with M.’s identity: the visits to therapists and psychiatrists, the paperwork and sorting out of procedures at school. I can’t imagine what supportive parents go through as they navigate these bureaucratic and social hurdles on behalf of their trans children. This should be required reading for cis people in positions of policymaking power at school boards and similar authorities: there is a difference between being tolerant of trans and gender-diverse kids and actually working to dismantle the systemic barriers that make it harder for them to learn, grow, and succeed. Mack is great at crystallizing those barriers, both from her perspective as a mother and from what she shares of M.’s perspective.
On that note, the perspicacity and simplicity of M.’s understanding of her gender and how she relates to her friends is beautiful. I appreciate Mack’s willingness to step out of the way and repeat her daughter’s wisdom as verbatim as she can remember. Trans kids are, ultimately, kids. They just want to have a childhood, live their life. Mack marvels at M.’s resilience even as she bemoans M.’s precocious understanding that she is different from other girls and exists at a disadvantage in the system as it is set up. So we marvel and bemoan as well.
This was a hard book for me to read. “There but for the grace of God…” and all that. I often (like, weekly) contemplate how my life could have been different had I transitioned sooner. I likely would have had a much harder time, to be brutally honest. Transitioning at thirty, well into my career in a union job in a country with imperfect but progressive human rights protections for gender identity … I did it from a position of immense privilege. Transitioning at twenty-three just as I was moving to England? At seventeen, on the cusp of university? At ten, still in elementary school? Wow. Even as I mourn the childhood I didn’t have, I can’t conceive of what that childhood could have been like.
So it’s hard, reading Mack’s memoir, because even as I feel for her and M., I’m also incredibly envious. I want M.’s childhood. I want her life. No, that’s not precisely it—I don’t really want to be coming of age during this tumultuous time for trans rights. But I’m getting emotional as I write this paragraph because I’m reflecting on how the massive sense of loss welling up from within me. Even though my transition has been an exceedingly happy one. Even though my parents have both been unfailingly affirming from the moment I came out. Through no individual person’s fault but rather through the fault of the society in which I grew up, I missed out in a way that M. won’t, thanks to Mack and her advocacy.
That’s the power of this book. It’s a simple memoir told simply—Mack is not an exceptional writer, but her words are raw and honest. She avoids sensationalizing. She avoid being dramatic. When sucky stuff happens, she sketches an outline of the incident. Even those individual incidents are few and far between for the family, emphasizing how anti-transness and transphobia, much like racism, are more about systemic acts than individual ones. It isn’t the people in Mack or M.’s world that give them problems so much as it is the systems that make it hard for M. to live authentically—and, though this book was published just prior to the surge of anti-trans lawmaking the United States, the legislation or lack thereof to support transition, especially for trans kids.
I don’t know what else to tell you. This book is exactly what it says on the tin. It’s not perfect. If you have read other trans memoirs or memoirs of trans parents, you will recognize many of the themes here—though like I said, every journey is unique. Mack herself acknowledges the privileges she and M. have, being white in America, being middle class enough to afford (if barely) a private school that’s more inclusive and affirming. Racialized trans kids have it even harder. Privilege aside, though, Mack’s story—and her daughter’s story, but M. is not old enough to tell it from her point of view yet and may never want to tell it, which is totally valid—matters.
Would I recommend this to other trans people? Sure, though be prepared to find it provocative-on-the-verge-of-triggering like I did. More obviously, this memoir is for the cis folks in the room. You need to do your homework, especially if you’re a parent or becoming one soon—because, yeah, your kid could be trans. And that isn’t a bad thing. It’s just a thing, one thing among many that our society happens to make more difficult at the moment. So do your research. Read this book. Prepare yourself for the possibility, and if your kid doesn’t end up questioning their gender, cool—you’ll be ready to support your parent friends whose kids do go through this. The more we can do that, the more we can tear down these systems, the more kids who get to grow up like M.—or even more smoothly. And the fewer who grow up and realize later, like me—or who never grow up at all.
Sorry to end it on a downer. It’s a good book. It’s important. But that’s really what this comes down to: survival. How to Be a Girl is a story of trust, of believing one’s child, and of coming through to the other side stronger as a family.
Originally posted on Kara.Reviews.
August 26, 2021
A few years ago, a friend recommended me to hear the podcast 'How to be a Girl', where a parent tells the story of her young child's journey as a trans person, from a very young age to the start of her teens. From the book:
The forté of this book is twofold: Mack's storytelling abilities and how M—the pseudonym for the child—acts.
The mind of M is the most baffling thing to me; while listening to the podcast she made me cry and revamp certain fixated ideas about gender that I didn't know I carried around. M is possibly an extraordinarily intelligent kid, thinking far beyond a lot of peers and elders in a lot of ways.
This book is a roller-coaster of a ride, but it's also constant war.
Mack seems to honestly have painted a picture of her own prejudice, shortcomings, failures, and stories of how M constant puts things in perspective.
My friend who recommended the podcast to me pointed something out about the book: Mack constantly uses the 'his' pronoun in a problematic way. I hope Mack tried to use it to display the before/after point where M decided to traverse genders. Still, things like these appear:
A bit later:
If we temporarily discard all that M brings to the table in the shape of quotes, the good in the book is how Mack reshapes their thinking throughout; they first think M is a boy and that her wish to 'be a girl' is 'just a phase'. I'm a sucker for human stories of how people realise their own shortcomings and honestly wrestle with them; the book contains a lot of this.
I wish this book didn't feel as fragmented as it does. In podcast form, that's alright, it's to be expected. In a book, it doesn't really work. I wish there were more cohesion to the book.
The book is not very different from the podcast. In fact, if you listen to the podcast and the two-part documentary that Mack made with the BBC, you have access to most of the book. On the other side, M's radiance comes across as an apeirogon regardless of media.
All in all, the book is very illuminating, interesting, and provides ample discussion points about gender and issues that people have with trans worlds; I have already mentioned the downside of this book. Mack does put themselves out there in how they knowingly appear stupid and insane when discussing matters like the word 'nonbinary' with M; this method, of acting a more-stupid version of Doctor Watson to M's Sherlock Holmes, is very effective in illuminating the reader.
When the world split wide open, it was a November evening. We had just walked in the front door and were shedding the day’s damp coats and bags. Outside, the Seattle sky was preparing for an early bedtime, transforming the cloud ceiling from old-pillow gray to the color of wet ash. I reached out to flip on the lights and felt my child slip his hand into mine
“Mama,” he said, “something went wrong in your tummy.”
I heard my purse hit the floor.
“It did?”
“Yes,” he said. “And it made me come out as a boy instead of a girl.”
The forté of this book is twofold: Mack's storytelling abilities and how M—the pseudonym for the child—acts.
The mind of M is the most baffling thing to me; while listening to the podcast she made me cry and revamp certain fixated ideas about gender that I didn't know I carried around. M is possibly an extraordinarily intelligent kid, thinking far beyond a lot of peers and elders in a lot of ways.
This book is a roller-coaster of a ride, but it's also constant war.
Mack seems to honestly have painted a picture of her own prejudice, shortcomings, failures, and stories of how M constant puts things in perspective.
My child contemplated his plate of buttered noodles and said, “I wish I could drink a potion that would make my penis melt off.” Then he smiled, looking pleased with his great idea, like when he had suggested we build him a bed out of LEGOs.
My friend who recommended the podcast to me pointed something out about the book: Mack constantly uses the 'his' pronoun in a problematic way. I hope Mack tried to use it to display the before/after point where M decided to traverse genders. Still, things like these appear:
“It isn’t nice when you do that, Mama.”
He glared at me in the rearview mirror.
Do what?”
“When you tell people I’m a boy. It is not nice.”
“But you are a boy, sweetheart,” I said. It didn’t seem fair not to say what was true.
“You’re a boy because you have a pen—”
“No,” he interrupted me. “I’m never a boy.”
I had no idea how to argue with this declaration. But I also wasn’t prepared to agree with it, so I opted for a compromise.
“OK,” I said. “I’ll stop telling people you’re not a girl. Would that make you feel better?”
He snorted, rolling his eyes, as if to say, If that’s the best you can do, lady. For now, it was.
A bit later:
How his face lit up when people mistook him for a girl. How for his fourth birthday, he asked for a poofy party dress and a vagina.
“I was able to give him just one of those,” I joked, wanting to hear people laugh, and they obliged.
If we temporarily discard all that M brings to the table in the shape of quotes, the good in the book is how Mack reshapes their thinking throughout; they first think M is a boy and that her wish to 'be a girl' is 'just a phase'. I'm a sucker for human stories of how people realise their own shortcomings and honestly wrestle with them; the book contains a lot of this.
I wish this book didn't feel as fragmented as it does. In podcast form, that's alright, it's to be expected. In a book, it doesn't really work. I wish there were more cohesion to the book.
The book is not very different from the podcast. In fact, if you listen to the podcast and the two-part documentary that Mack made with the BBC, you have access to most of the book. On the other side, M's radiance comes across as an apeirogon regardless of media.
All in all, the book is very illuminating, interesting, and provides ample discussion points about gender and issues that people have with trans worlds; I have already mentioned the downside of this book. Mack does put themselves out there in how they knowingly appear stupid and insane when discussing matters like the word 'nonbinary' with M; this method, of acting a more-stupid version of Doctor Watson to M's Sherlock Holmes, is very effective in illuminating the reader.
May 14, 2025
the world could use some more empathy, understanding, and kindness
July 4, 2023
This book demonstrates so well how the "protect the children!" rhetoric (which of course, has been recycled from its use in homophobia) is utter nonsense. This little trans girl knew who she was, and had zero problems explaining it to everyone, and her friends at school got it immediately. Who didn't understand and had problems? The adults. And what happens to trans kids who don't get to at least socially transition so they can live their happy, authentic lives? They most likely die. How is that protecting children?
The introspection the mother (the author) shows is incredible. I wish my parents had a quarter of the introspection she demonstrates.
I love reading these kinds of books though they make me so emotional; queer kids are going to be okay!
The introspection the mother (the author) shows is incredible. I wish my parents had a quarter of the introspection she demonstrates.
I love reading these kinds of books though they make me so emotional; queer kids are going to be okay!
November 4, 2021
As a trans adult I really wanted to like this book. Unfortunately it was only okay. I felt at times that the author didn’t handle herself in the best manner and I have a really hard time believing that a 3-6 year old said some of the quotes the mother was trying to pass. It all felt really fake to me.
Read
December 11, 2021I am kind of torn on how to rate this one. I wish all trans kids could have the parents that M does. But the thing that strikes me as odd is that the conversations don’t feel authentic. And maybe that’s just a really weird thing to focus on. I don’t know.
January 31, 2023
I listened to the podcast by the same name and so awaited this book's publication eagerly. Marlo is both very gentle and very honest in her story of coming to grips with her daughter's gender, in a way that is so needed in a media field where parents are either written as perfect allies or as complete bigots.
December 14, 2021
If any part of you is wondering whether you should read this, the answer is yes.
Marlo is so honest about her own personal journey, her early missteps and emotions and how she learned and grew. This is not a book for trans kids. This is a book for parents, grandparents, educators, and potential allies and advocates.
Marlo is so honest about her own personal journey, her early missteps and emotions and how she learned and grew. This is not a book for trans kids. This is a book for parents, grandparents, educators, and potential allies and advocates.
December 15, 2021
Really eye opening and courageous story. Would definitely recommend to explore more of the "T" in the LGBTQ community!
July 28, 2023
So grateful to Marlo Mack for the energy she put into this book, their podcast and sharing them with us.
September 28, 2021
I so wanted, when I started reading this book, to give it five stars. Alas I couldn't for two reasons.
The first was the title, this book has has nothing to do with being a girl. It has to do with a mother coming to grips with the fact that she has a trans daughter, and her struggle to keep her safe and happy. I think the title of Marlo's blog Gender Mom would have made a better title.
The second reason is that she used my son in the first two or three chapters. She never had a son, and she knows it now. She should have used my child, or something similar instead.
However, baring those two things I did enjoy the book. I even cried through parts of it.
The first three chapters are about her struggle, first to deny that her daughter was in fact a girl, then to come to grips with the fact that she was a girl.
The rest of the book deals with things like where to send her daughter to school, who to tell, what to do about the fact that her daughter is trans getting out to to public. As well as more serious things like bathroom bills and the like.
There was also a section, in the back, with resources for people who have trans kids, or who are trans kids. It is good, but for us Canadians a little US centric, which I suppose can only be expected.
I would like to thank Netgally for sending me this review copy to read and make comments on.
The first was the title, this book has has nothing to do with being a girl. It has to do with a mother coming to grips with the fact that she has a trans daughter, and her struggle to keep her safe and happy. I think the title of Marlo's blog Gender Mom would have made a better title.
The second reason is that she used my son in the first two or three chapters. She never had a son, and she knows it now. She should have used my child, or something similar instead.
However, baring those two things I did enjoy the book. I even cried through parts of it.
The first three chapters are about her struggle, first to deny that her daughter was in fact a girl, then to come to grips with the fact that she was a girl.
The rest of the book deals with things like where to send her daughter to school, who to tell, what to do about the fact that her daughter is trans getting out to to public. As well as more serious things like bathroom bills and the like.
There was also a section, in the back, with resources for people who have trans kids, or who are trans kids. It is good, but for us Canadians a little US centric, which I suppose can only be expected.
I would like to thank Netgally for sending me this review copy to read and make comments on.
September 1, 2021
Thanks to Edelweiss and the publisher for providing a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Review to come, but let me say that I thought the author did an excellent job of taking the reader through her process of accepting that her child who was born with a penis was mentally a girl and insisted that was the case from a very young age. I wish more people who believe that transgendered people are "choosing" to change sex rather than fighting to have their outsides match their insides would read this book and Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family. They both make it very clear that transgendered people are born that way, not just making a choice.
Review to come, but let me say that I thought the author did an excellent job of taking the reader through her process of accepting that her child who was born with a penis was mentally a girl and insisted that was the case from a very young age. I wish more people who believe that transgendered people are "choosing" to change sex rather than fighting to have their outsides match their insides would read this book and Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family. They both make it very clear that transgendered people are born that way, not just making a choice.
June 15, 2024
I love how Marlo stood up for her daughter and supported her.
There are literally studies to prove that standing up for your children and letting them be who they want to be helps them in the long run. Who would’ve thought??
Everyone needs to read this book now. Gain a new perspective, take time to listen to transgender youth and adults. Empathy will get you far
There are literally studies to prove that standing up for your children and letting them be who they want to be helps them in the long run. Who would’ve thought??
Everyone needs to read this book now. Gain a new perspective, take time to listen to transgender youth and adults. Empathy will get you far
August 14, 2022
A mother's memoir of raising a transgender girl. This is a good book for parents of young kids or anyone with a trans kid in their life.
The author says she grew up “in the androgynous 1970s. With my bowl-cut hairdo and brown corduroys, my gender was indistinguishable from that of my brother and every other little boy in the neighborhood. I remember being mistaken for a boy fairly often.” By the time she has her own child, the culture has changed, and each child's gender is expected to be clearly marked. She has a boy-child who is always dressing as a fairy princess, and eventually, by his fourth birthday, the other moms go “quiet. Their own sons never took it this far.” The child is clear that it isn’t just dress-up, but an entire self-consciousness. The child states: “I’m never a boy.” And if this child was ever going to feel like or be a boy, the mother says, “he certainly didn’t know it yet.”
Other adults try to assure her that her child really is boyish, after all: “his love of swords and rough play. His physicality. His confidence. His independence. His persistence…his stoicism when injured.” But isn’t all that “sexist stereotyping” too, she wonders?
If people form caricatures of masculinity and femininity, so, too, do they form caricatures of being transgender: “I associated it with lurid movie plots involving prostitutes and trashy talk shows like Jerry Springer, where people slept with their girlfriends’ mothers and threw chairs and pulled each other’s hair while the crowd hooted and jeered at the train-wrecked lives on stage. What could any of that possibly have to do with my precious, innocent young child?”
The girl's name the child picks isn't a fairy princess name. It's the name of an aunt. She wants to grow up to be a woman like other women in her family.
Because her daughter was so young, she spent a day doing a lot of the “coming out”—knocking on doors in her neighborhood and telling the neighbors to use the new name. Then, she had to do less of it; “it turned out that information this interesting spreads quickly.” As she told someone: “I have to be the expert on all this—with the pediatrician, the preschool teacher, now with the principal. They’re supposed to be the experts on kids, but none of them seem to know anything about a kid like mine.”
Initially, she “struggled to convince people that someone like my child even existed,” but when her daughter was in 2nd grade, in 2015 or shortly thereafter, ”all of a sudden, everyone on the news was talking about where transgender people should—and shouldn’t—pee.” The people making the noise were “the same right-wing groups that had fought against legalizing same-sex marriage,” so it seemed improbable that they were actually concerned “with ensuring the safety of women while we pee.” In Washington State in 2016, Initiative 1515 would have made it “illegal for my daughter to use the girl’s bathroom at school,” and if she did use it, other parents could sue the school for their own child’s “psychological, emotional, and physical harm.”
A thorough explanation of this parenting difficulty, which has little to do with the kid being trans and rather with other adults' incomprehension and combativeness.
The author says she grew up “in the androgynous 1970s. With my bowl-cut hairdo and brown corduroys, my gender was indistinguishable from that of my brother and every other little boy in the neighborhood. I remember being mistaken for a boy fairly often.” By the time she has her own child, the culture has changed, and each child's gender is expected to be clearly marked. She has a boy-child who is always dressing as a fairy princess, and eventually, by his fourth birthday, the other moms go “quiet. Their own sons never took it this far.” The child is clear that it isn’t just dress-up, but an entire self-consciousness. The child states: “I’m never a boy.” And if this child was ever going to feel like or be a boy, the mother says, “he certainly didn’t know it yet.”
Other adults try to assure her that her child really is boyish, after all: “his love of swords and rough play. His physicality. His confidence. His independence. His persistence…his stoicism when injured.” But isn’t all that “sexist stereotyping” too, she wonders?
If people form caricatures of masculinity and femininity, so, too, do they form caricatures of being transgender: “I associated it with lurid movie plots involving prostitutes and trashy talk shows like Jerry Springer, where people slept with their girlfriends’ mothers and threw chairs and pulled each other’s hair while the crowd hooted and jeered at the train-wrecked lives on stage. What could any of that possibly have to do with my precious, innocent young child?”
The girl's name the child picks isn't a fairy princess name. It's the name of an aunt. She wants to grow up to be a woman like other women in her family.
Because her daughter was so young, she spent a day doing a lot of the “coming out”—knocking on doors in her neighborhood and telling the neighbors to use the new name. Then, she had to do less of it; “it turned out that information this interesting spreads quickly.” As she told someone: “I have to be the expert on all this—with the pediatrician, the preschool teacher, now with the principal. They’re supposed to be the experts on kids, but none of them seem to know anything about a kid like mine.”
Initially, she “struggled to convince people that someone like my child even existed,” but when her daughter was in 2nd grade, in 2015 or shortly thereafter, ”all of a sudden, everyone on the news was talking about where transgender people should—and shouldn’t—pee.” The people making the noise were “the same right-wing groups that had fought against legalizing same-sex marriage,” so it seemed improbable that they were actually concerned “with ensuring the safety of women while we pee.” In Washington State in 2016, Initiative 1515 would have made it “illegal for my daughter to use the girl’s bathroom at school,” and if she did use it, other parents could sue the school for their own child’s “psychological, emotional, and physical harm.”
A thorough explanation of this parenting difficulty, which has little to do with the kid being trans and rather with other adults' incomprehension and combativeness.
June 30, 2023
What a beautiful book.
I've said this before about other books, but I'll say it again here: My partner came out to me as transgender in 2020. At the time, the books and other resources available to us/me were slim pickings. Like Mack describes in this book, it was extremely hard to find current stories of trans people, as opposed to those of people like Jennifer Finney Boylan. Not that Boylan's experience isn't important (it is), but it's not all that relatable for trans people or the loved ones of trans people anymore. This book though - wow. This book.
I will say that I think the title is a bit of a misnomer - this book does not, in fact, teach anyone how to be a girl. I went into this book with relatively low expectations, expecting almost like a tumblr-esque style "here's what I learned about what being a girl means from my transgender daughter."
Instead, what I got was this beautifully written, honest recounting of what it was like for Mack when her daughter first came out to her. The way she describes her own denial, then deconstruction of societal norms and ideas was done so stunningly. Despite the fact that it's my partner, not my child, who is trans, I still found myself relating to Mack in many ways.
As I read along, I found myself reading certain passages out loud to my partner, who, on occasion, teared up at some of the things said. For example, when Mack describes the conversation she had with the father of her child years into the process, she described how he had realized one day that it wasn't up to him how his child expressed herself. So he returned home and told her that he didn't get to decide anything, SHE did. He told her he would support anything she wanted. In doing so, he released her - set her free. She loosened and things stopped being constant fights, and instead she was able to just be herself and free.
My partner wanted that as a child but didn't get it. The fact that somewhere out there are these two parents who are doing everything they possibly can to support their transgender child is so beautiful. It means we're progressing.
Finally, I specifically want to mention how happy I was to see how honest Mack was. She didn't just talk about the good, or how happy her child was after gaining support. Mack talked a lot about how hard this was on her in addition to her child. She talked about mourning the boy she thought she had, as well as the denial she experienced initially. She talked about the fear she had for her child as she entered the school system, and as more and more anti-trans legislation got passed. I relate to all of this wholeheartedly and I'm so thankful to see someone else experienced the same thing as me.
Overall, I highly recommend this book for anyone, but especially those who are loved ones of transgender people.
I've said this before about other books, but I'll say it again here: My partner came out to me as transgender in 2020. At the time, the books and other resources available to us/me were slim pickings. Like Mack describes in this book, it was extremely hard to find current stories of trans people, as opposed to those of people like Jennifer Finney Boylan. Not that Boylan's experience isn't important (it is), but it's not all that relatable for trans people or the loved ones of trans people anymore. This book though - wow. This book.
I will say that I think the title is a bit of a misnomer - this book does not, in fact, teach anyone how to be a girl. I went into this book with relatively low expectations, expecting almost like a tumblr-esque style "here's what I learned about what being a girl means from my transgender daughter."
Instead, what I got was this beautifully written, honest recounting of what it was like for Mack when her daughter first came out to her. The way she describes her own denial, then deconstruction of societal norms and ideas was done so stunningly. Despite the fact that it's my partner, not my child, who is trans, I still found myself relating to Mack in many ways.
As I read along, I found myself reading certain passages out loud to my partner, who, on occasion, teared up at some of the things said. For example, when Mack describes the conversation she had with the father of her child years into the process, she described how he had realized one day that it wasn't up to him how his child expressed herself. So he returned home and told her that he didn't get to decide anything, SHE did. He told her he would support anything she wanted. In doing so, he released her - set her free. She loosened and things stopped being constant fights, and instead she was able to just be herself and free.
My partner wanted that as a child but didn't get it. The fact that somewhere out there are these two parents who are doing everything they possibly can to support their transgender child is so beautiful. It means we're progressing.
Finally, I specifically want to mention how happy I was to see how honest Mack was. She didn't just talk about the good, or how happy her child was after gaining support. Mack talked a lot about how hard this was on her in addition to her child. She talked about mourning the boy she thought she had, as well as the denial she experienced initially. She talked about the fear she had for her child as she entered the school system, and as more and more anti-trans legislation got passed. I relate to all of this wholeheartedly and I'm so thankful to see someone else experienced the same thing as me.
Overall, I highly recommend this book for anyone, but especially those who are loved ones of transgender people.
April 29, 2025
As a pro-trans work for a cisgender audience, especially parents, I think this is an excellent book. Reading it as a trans woman is... uncomfortable. If you're cis... read it! If you're trans... it's definitely worthwhile and well-written but should maybe have a trigger warning. I guess that's what this review is.
The first section is very "cis mom of trans kid overcomes her own transphobia". As a rhetorical device for a cis audience, it's a good way to write the narrative. Make the narrator relatable and fallible from the start, hopefully take the audience on their own "overcoming transphobia" journey, etc. And it is, one assumes, true to the author's own experience—I can hardly fault any memoir for that. Reading it while trans... it feels like it starts off by validating transphobia and the misgendering goes on for what seems like a very long time. After a bit you just want to yell at the author: "You have a daughter. She's told you that repeatedly, just listen to her! Don't keep second-guessing and asking her if she's 'really sure'. Don't talk about her life as if she started out as a boy and changed. She's very clear about her gender from the start, *it did not change*!"
Again, I get it. The author started with... well, a viewpoint that is transphobic but not hostile, a viewpoint entirely typical of generally left-leaning and sympathetic cis people in our society. And it's great to watch her become a true ally to her daughter as the story progresses. The first section still hurts to read.
(My own story, FWIW, is of my gender identity—or, at least, my understanding of it—changing. In that context, retconning is a legitimate narrative challenge without a good solution. Mack's daughter, though... people got her gender wrong and she corrected them at the earliest opportunity. It's not just misgendering-in-hindsight. It was misgendering then, within the narrative's timeline.)
The first section is very "cis mom of trans kid overcomes her own transphobia". As a rhetorical device for a cis audience, it's a good way to write the narrative. Make the narrator relatable and fallible from the start, hopefully take the audience on their own "overcoming transphobia" journey, etc. And it is, one assumes, true to the author's own experience—I can hardly fault any memoir for that. Reading it while trans... it feels like it starts off by validating transphobia and the misgendering goes on for what seems like a very long time. After a bit you just want to yell at the author: "You have a daughter. She's told you that repeatedly, just listen to her! Don't keep second-guessing and asking her if she's 'really sure'. Don't talk about her life as if she started out as a boy and changed. She's very clear about her gender from the start, *it did not change*!"
Again, I get it. The author started with... well, a viewpoint that is transphobic but not hostile, a viewpoint entirely typical of generally left-leaning and sympathetic cis people in our society. And it's great to watch her become a true ally to her daughter as the story progresses. The first section still hurts to read.
(My own story, FWIW, is of my gender identity—or, at least, my understanding of it—changing. In that context, retconning is a legitimate narrative challenge without a good solution. Mack's daughter, though... people got her gender wrong and she corrected them at the earliest opportunity. It's not just misgendering-in-hindsight. It was misgendering then, within the narrative's timeline.)
September 20, 2022
When I went to the library on 18-Sept, I knew that I was looking for some more YA fiction books to read from there. I spoke to a wonderful librarian who helped me get a new library card--and now, empowered with the ability to check out books rather than needing to buy them, I went on a deep dive into my transgender walk--specifically trans femme.
My search through the catalog didn't turn up quite what I was hoping for right away--a lot of studies, books to varying sides of the aisle; I honestly don't remember, I was in a bit of a panic while I was wearing a pretty top I had gotten from Torrid the other day and my anxiety was spiking.
Then--after searching and relearning how the libraries sort their books now (it seems that Dewey has been assisted by further subcategorization into the type of book [fiction, biography, et al])--I found it on the shelf.
I brought it home and dug in immediately--and had my heart broken in the first chapter.
The story of Marlo's daughter is one that should be far more common. Through each page, I began to weep softly as much as my emotionally confused body could. I read about M as she went through her journey--and all I kept asking myself as I went from page to page is "why haven't I been able to be that strong and sure of myself?"
If you are not a parent of a transgender child, or are confused in general by GNC people and children, or find that you think transgender people shouldn't exist--read this book. Throw out all your pre-conceived notions, all of your well-meaning prejudices about transgender people and the way that society has wanted to paint us as deviants that need fixing rather than people that need loving. Hear the story that this mother has told, has lived through, is living through today.
My search through the catalog didn't turn up quite what I was hoping for right away--a lot of studies, books to varying sides of the aisle; I honestly don't remember, I was in a bit of a panic while I was wearing a pretty top I had gotten from Torrid the other day and my anxiety was spiking.
Then--after searching and relearning how the libraries sort their books now (it seems that Dewey has been assisted by further subcategorization into the type of book [fiction, biography, et al])--I found it on the shelf.
I brought it home and dug in immediately--and had my heart broken in the first chapter.
The story of Marlo's daughter is one that should be far more common. Through each page, I began to weep softly as much as my emotionally confused body could. I read about M as she went through her journey--and all I kept asking myself as I went from page to page is "why haven't I been able to be that strong and sure of myself?"
If you are not a parent of a transgender child, or are confused in general by GNC people and children, or find that you think transgender people shouldn't exist--read this book. Throw out all your pre-conceived notions, all of your well-meaning prejudices about transgender people and the way that society has wanted to paint us as deviants that need fixing rather than people that need loving. Hear the story that this mother has told, has lived through, is living through today.
March 16, 2023
This is a powerful memoir and a quick, engaging read. It offers a clear and unflinching view of one mother's struggles to do what feels right for her child. It's heart-wrenching to see just how hard it is for little M to just... be a girl, and Mack makes a clear case for why it's crucial to allow her to be one. For anyone whose struggle is similar, this work might merit more than three stars.
Maybe it's unfair to judge this book as what it doesn't claim to be: a handbook for much broader gender issues and questions. But the extreme case outlined here, centered on a child who is ultra-feminine and extraordinarily adept at expressing her needs from age three onward, might feel disorienting or demoralizing for parents of kids who are less clear, less communicative, or less gendered. Because M is so obviously a girl from such a young age, the memoir understandably relies on a sense of gender essentialism, the "born that way" argument. The fact that M's dad is almost absent from the narrative is also understandable, but awkward. The author does briefly refer to contacts, friends, and acquaintances who fit a different mold -- people who transitioned later, who are less certain, or who are non-binary -- but she seems to find such people perplexing. She also touches only very lightly on trans boys and trans men. Fair enough; their stories are not hers to tell. Still, there is a feeling of skimming over the surface of some enormous issues.
I'd recommend this book to parents of young trans girls, or anyone who might be swayed toward greater compassion and understanding by a quick and powerfully personal read, but those seeking a broader perspective on gender issues might find better resources elsewhere.
Maybe it's unfair to judge this book as what it doesn't claim to be: a handbook for much broader gender issues and questions. But the extreme case outlined here, centered on a child who is ultra-feminine and extraordinarily adept at expressing her needs from age three onward, might feel disorienting or demoralizing for parents of kids who are less clear, less communicative, or less gendered. Because M is so obviously a girl from such a young age, the memoir understandably relies on a sense of gender essentialism, the "born that way" argument. The fact that M's dad is almost absent from the narrative is also understandable, but awkward. The author does briefly refer to contacts, friends, and acquaintances who fit a different mold -- people who transitioned later, who are less certain, or who are non-binary -- but she seems to find such people perplexing. She also touches only very lightly on trans boys and trans men. Fair enough; their stories are not hers to tell. Still, there is a feeling of skimming over the surface of some enormous issues.
I'd recommend this book to parents of young trans girls, or anyone who might be swayed toward greater compassion and understanding by a quick and powerfully personal read, but those seeking a broader perspective on gender issues might find better resources elsewhere.
September 4, 2021
I got this book free from The Experiment through Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review.
Marlo Mack wrote a no holds barred honest book about raising her transgender daughter. Not understanding what was happening she found support groups, she grieved the child she thought she had born but also was elated with the child she had. Once she understood more what was happening she dove into this world head first and never looked back. She founded a blog that has touched many people and then moved on to a podcast. Through it all she researched and studied and advocated for her child and other people's children. She learned more about gender than she even believe there was to learn. No one calls her an expert because she is just a mom raising a daughter but who is more of an expert on how to raise a healthy, well adjusted, brave and proud daughter than Marlo who has questioned herself, her motives, her reality more often than most people think about it. Her sole focus was on being the best mom she could be for her child, and she has been.
As part of the LGBTQ community I applaud Mack's honest struggle and ultimate acceptance and will to learn something that most people don't even understand, especially back when her daughter was little.
Marlo Mack wrote a no holds barred honest book about raising her transgender daughter. Not understanding what was happening she found support groups, she grieved the child she thought she had born but also was elated with the child she had. Once she understood more what was happening she dove into this world head first and never looked back. She founded a blog that has touched many people and then moved on to a podcast. Through it all she researched and studied and advocated for her child and other people's children. She learned more about gender than she even believe there was to learn. No one calls her an expert because she is just a mom raising a daughter but who is more of an expert on how to raise a healthy, well adjusted, brave and proud daughter than Marlo who has questioned herself, her motives, her reality more often than most people think about it. Her sole focus was on being the best mom she could be for her child, and she has been.
As part of the LGBTQ community I applaud Mack's honest struggle and ultimate acceptance and will to learn something that most people don't even understand, especially back when her daughter was little.
July 9, 2022
I couldn't put down this book, and I think it's important for adults to read M's story so we can advocate for and protect trans kids at a time when governments are stripping them and their families of rights, as well as privacy. Marlo Mack (a pen name) is a mom whose son keeps telling her that she is a girl from the time she is a few years old. Mack desperately wants this not to be true and tries to convince her child that she is just a boy who likes dresses. But M persists and M's parents allow her to socially transition in preschool. The bulk of this book centers around M's early elementary years as Mack learns to advocate for her daughter and manage her complicated emotions about what being transgender will mean for her daughter. People are people and they deserve to be supported for who they are. Don't believe the divisive rhetoric -- read books like this one and be open and curious to learn more about something you might not understand. Sending light and love to M and Marlo and their family.
January 24, 2022
A very gentle memoir of coming to terms with a transgender child. This is not so much as a blueprint for what needs to be done for the child, but an opening that lets transgender people (and others) understand to dysphoria that our parents and loved ones experience when we tell them that I am not who you thought I was. Parents bring a vast array of family history, religion, common cultural stereotypes, their joys, and their fears to bringing their child into the world and raising them up to be happy and productive.
Marlo Mack expresses that balance of the pain of losing what you thought you had and knew in your child and the joy at watching a child grow, to take responsibility for the course of their life. Transgender people face dangerous hatred in many places in our society. This tender book tells the positive story of letting transgender people grow, letting us be in the community.
Marlo Mack expresses that balance of the pain of losing what you thought you had and knew in your child and the joy at watching a child grow, to take responsibility for the course of their life. Transgender people face dangerous hatred in many places in our society. This tender book tells the positive story of letting transgender people grow, letting us be in the community.
February 11, 2023
lovely and inspiring
I’m so glad I read this book. It was honest and nothing short of brave. M. And her Mom had no choice but to be brave, but they handled themselves with grace.
I like that it offered a mom’s perspective, because it seems so often that parents’ opinions become their kids’ opinions, until those kids have better information. If better, truer information can be disseminated to kids at a earlier age, I think we have a real shot at creating a safer and happier world for all. I hope people “on the fence” (sad, but that is reality) read this book and see the humanity in it. Maybe this book can change some minds.
As someone who has friends that are transgender, this book makes me feel closer to them without having to invade their privacy about their growing-up-transgender experience. It made me see them in a new light even though I already cared for and respected them.
I’m so glad I read this book. It was honest and nothing short of brave. M. And her Mom had no choice but to be brave, but they handled themselves with grace.
I like that it offered a mom’s perspective, because it seems so often that parents’ opinions become their kids’ opinions, until those kids have better information. If better, truer information can be disseminated to kids at a earlier age, I think we have a real shot at creating a safer and happier world for all. I hope people “on the fence” (sad, but that is reality) read this book and see the humanity in it. Maybe this book can change some minds.
As someone who has friends that are transgender, this book makes me feel closer to them without having to invade their privacy about their growing-up-transgender experience. It made me see them in a new light even though I already cared for and respected them.
August 23, 2024
From the epilogue (written in 2021): "While bathroom bills now, blessedly, seem to be a thing of the past..." Yeah, uhhh, about that...
I hope we get a sequel, or more podcast episodes, or something in a few years once M. finishes high school. I got to the end of the book (middle school) and it was just like, aww, that's it? Because high school brings its own set of challenges. And also given just how much worse the political climate has gotten since the book was written.
I'll also say this... I *deeply* wish I could have had this kind of support available to me as a kid, and that I could have had the childhood I never got to have. (That I didn't is not my parents' fault; I was just born 25 years too soon.) For the parents who listen to their kids and their doctors, and give them the love and support they need to thrive: Thank you.
I hope we get a sequel, or more podcast episodes, or something in a few years once M. finishes high school. I got to the end of the book (middle school) and it was just like, aww, that's it? Because high school brings its own set of challenges. And also given just how much worse the political climate has gotten since the book was written.
I'll also say this... I *deeply* wish I could have had this kind of support available to me as a kid, and that I could have had the childhood I never got to have. (That I didn't is not my parents' fault; I was just born 25 years too soon.) For the parents who listen to their kids and their doctors, and give them the love and support they need to thrive: Thank you.
November 25, 2021
This is a real good account of a family navigating their life journey, after realizing that their 3 y/o boy actually identifies as a girl. It's written by the mom & she does a good job of portraying the confusion, the fear, the seeking out of help, support groups, school & playmates........she is a wonderful advocate for her child. I think this mom did a great job of trying to find her way through this uncharted territory.....& maybe even starts making a bit of a map for others finding themselves starting this journey. I think this might be a good read for everyone, even those not actually facing this in their family.
I received an e-ARC of this book from publisher The Experiment via NetGalley, in return for reading it & offering my own fair/honest review.
I received an e-ARC of this book from publisher The Experiment via NetGalley, in return for reading it & offering my own fair/honest review.
July 9, 2024
Yeah I was in tears literally every single chapter, what a book, what a story, I can't relate to having parents that supported me from early childhood in transitioning but there were so many key things that I think my own mom could relate to, and I really want to give this book to her to read. It's one thing to read a "history" of the trans fight like I just did before this, and another to read a real personal experience of it. Not that I don't have my own experience of it too, but just like... Seeing what was going on hundreds of miles away from me, seeing the fight being fought at a time when I felt so hopeless there could be no fight. This probably makes no sense, I just adored this book and I hope M is living a wonderful life right now.
i hope i get there someday too
i hope i get there someday too
January 28, 2025
This is such an important book. You learn so much about what being trans is like in modern-day America, as well as all the dangers for trans children. As a trans woman myself, it was really nice to read about a different trans experience and get new and fresh perspectives.
This is an especially important book for cis people, specifically cis conservatives, although I know that’s probably not realistic. Because it’s written by a cis mother of a trans child, it makes the book so much more accessible to a cis audience and I think that’s so important.
I also love that the audiobook incorporated recordings from the podcast the book was based on and tapes featuring Mack’s child, it was a great touch. Overall, such a fantastic book that’s everyone should read.
This is an especially important book for cis people, specifically cis conservatives, although I know that’s probably not realistic. Because it’s written by a cis mother of a trans child, it makes the book so much more accessible to a cis audience and I think that’s so important.
I also love that the audiobook incorporated recordings from the podcast the book was based on and tapes featuring Mack’s child, it was a great touch. Overall, such a fantastic book that’s everyone should read.
November 14, 2021
Marlo Mack's novel is very reminiscent of of her podcast by the same name. Largely focused on Mack's process of understanding and supporting her daughter's transition, this book covers Mack's entire experience. She is honest and shares some of her missteps from early in the process. I would highly recommend this book to any parent on their own path with discovering that their child is transgender. Mack includes an excellent list of resources at the end of the book as well. I loved the quotes from M. (Mack's daughter) that Mack shared throughout the book. M is an insightful young lady that I am sure has a bright future ahead of her. Mature beyond her year.
September 8, 2021
Just hoping this memoir gets into the hands of the right people. No one with an open heart will argue that M is an amazing, wonderful transgender child. At three years old when M tells her mom that something went wrong in her tummy and that she wants to go back and correct things, readers realize the enormity of the struggle transgender people face. In the conclusion, Marlo doesn't sugarcoat the reality that although strides have been made to protect the rights of the transgender, there are those who still pose a real threat.
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