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Hillbilly Queer: A Memoir
“. . . One of the most humane and challenging memoirs to come out of the Midwest . . . Indeed, we are all more than heroes and villains, and Jamison does a great job of showing how and where our humanity gets lost between the two.”
-- Ashley C. Ford, author of Somebody’s Daughter and
host of the HBO podcast Lovecraft Country Radio
J.R. Jamison spends his days in a world of trigger warnings and safe spaces, while his trigger-happy dad, Dave, spends his questioning why Americans have become so sensitive. Yet at the height of the 2016 election, the two decide to put political differences aside and travel to rural Missouri for Dave’s fifty-five year class reunion. But with the constant backdrop of the Trump vs. Clinton battle at every turn, they are forced to explore one formidable question: Will the trip push them further apart or bring them closer together?
Traveling through the rural, sun-beaten landscapes of Missouri the two meet people along the way who challenge their concepts of right and wrong, and together they uncover truths about their family’s past that reveals more than political differences, they discover a lesson on the human condition that lands them on the international pages of The Guardian.
Hillbilly Queer is an enduring love story between a dad and son who find that sometimes the differences between us aren't really that different at all.
“One of those rare books that finds beauty in the irreconcilable. In an age when our politics and our nation can feel broken, Hillbilly Queer shows us the messy glue of love that still holds families together.”
-- Samantha Allen, author of Real Queer America
-- Ashley C. Ford, author of Somebody’s Daughter and
host of the HBO podcast Lovecraft Country Radio
J.R. Jamison spends his days in a world of trigger warnings and safe spaces, while his trigger-happy dad, Dave, spends his questioning why Americans have become so sensitive. Yet at the height of the 2016 election, the two decide to put political differences aside and travel to rural Missouri for Dave’s fifty-five year class reunion. But with the constant backdrop of the Trump vs. Clinton battle at every turn, they are forced to explore one formidable question: Will the trip push them further apart or bring them closer together?
Traveling through the rural, sun-beaten landscapes of Missouri the two meet people along the way who challenge their concepts of right and wrong, and together they uncover truths about their family’s past that reveals more than political differences, they discover a lesson on the human condition that lands them on the international pages of The Guardian.
Hillbilly Queer is an enduring love story between a dad and son who find that sometimes the differences between us aren't really that different at all.
“One of those rare books that finds beauty in the irreconcilable. In an age when our politics and our nation can feel broken, Hillbilly Queer shows us the messy glue of love that still holds families together.”
-- Samantha Allen, author of Real Queer America
242 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2020
8 people are currently reading
4262 people want to read
About the author
J.R. Jamison
1 book43 followersJ.R. JAMISON is an award-winning author and storyteller who hosts the NPR podcast and radio show "The Facing Project." His nonfiction and fiction writing has appeared in the The Huffington Post, Pangyrus, Beyond Words, Writer’s Digest and various other print and web publications, and his work has been covered by outlets such as The Guardian, Harlem World Magazine, PBS, Runner’s World, and The Statesider, among others.
J.R.’s memoir, HILLBILLY QUEER, was a Libro.fm bestseller in LGBTQ nonfiction (audiobook narrated by the author) and received starred reviews from Library Journal and Foreword Reviews Magazine, and was named a Best Audiobook of 2023 by Library Journal. HILLBILLY QUEER was the silver winner of the 2022 Nautilus Book Award for Best Memoir, and the finalist for the 2022 Indiana Authors Award.
J.R. lives in rural Indiana with his husband Cory and their dog J.J., and he can be found online at jrjamison.com.
J.R.’s memoir, HILLBILLY QUEER, was a Libro.fm bestseller in LGBTQ nonfiction (audiobook narrated by the author) and received starred reviews from Library Journal and Foreword Reviews Magazine, and was named a Best Audiobook of 2023 by Library Journal. HILLBILLY QUEER was the silver winner of the 2022 Nautilus Book Award for Best Memoir, and the finalist for the 2022 Indiana Authors Award.
J.R. lives in rural Indiana with his husband Cory and their dog J.J., and he can be found online at jrjamison.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 89 reviews
January 14, 2021
C/W: Scene with dubious consent
I read "HillBilly Queer" after the storming of the Capitol Building and during the week of the political events and conversations that followed. This review is probably one of the most biased I've written based on the above events, but I do think that it is important to put across how I feel about this book.
"Hillbilly Queer" doesn't document a profoundly new story however it does draw the reader into a father-son relationship. Set using the backdrop of the 2016 election cycle, Jamison and Dave as they travel back to Dave's hometown for a class reunion. Throughout the memoir, we see Jamison attempt to understand his dad's reasons for ardently supporting Trump, while Jamison doesn't.
Jamison details exceptionally well the messy family relationships that are made messier by politics. Believe me, this is a story that has been made personally familiar to me over the last 4 years and probably to many others.
I was 18 during the 2016 election cycle and at 22, I am tired of the rhetoric that reaching across the divide works because it clearly doesn't. Trump's presidency from day 1 has filled me with fear and anxiety, both emotions have only grown during his presidential cycle.
The last four years and its aftermath is proof of what happens when we endorse the kind of behaviour that Trump incites. I have watched how the US's endorsement of their president stir up right-wing behaviour across the world. The political events from the first two weeks of 2021 have convinced me, now more than ever, that we need to stop humanising the rise of this behaviour (no matter how good and honourable those intentions may seem to those who take part).
While I acknowledge that Jamison's story is a deeply personal one. It is not one I think we should be hearing. Because regardless of whether a family does love their queer son, I wonder if it is love, if their politics, (which impacts their son greatly) goes against their son's ability to live life on equal terms.
Thank you to NetGalley and IBPA for allowing me to read an e-arc of this book.
I read "HillBilly Queer" after the storming of the Capitol Building and during the week of the political events and conversations that followed. This review is probably one of the most biased I've written based on the above events, but I do think that it is important to put across how I feel about this book.
"Hillbilly Queer" doesn't document a profoundly new story however it does draw the reader into a father-son relationship. Set using the backdrop of the 2016 election cycle, Jamison and Dave as they travel back to Dave's hometown for a class reunion. Throughout the memoir, we see Jamison attempt to understand his dad's reasons for ardently supporting Trump, while Jamison doesn't.
Jamison details exceptionally well the messy family relationships that are made messier by politics. Believe me, this is a story that has been made personally familiar to me over the last 4 years and probably to many others.
I was 18 during the 2016 election cycle and at 22, I am tired of the rhetoric that reaching across the divide works because it clearly doesn't. Trump's presidency from day 1 has filled me with fear and anxiety, both emotions have only grown during his presidential cycle.
The last four years and its aftermath is proof of what happens when we endorse the kind of behaviour that Trump incites. I have watched how the US's endorsement of their president stir up right-wing behaviour across the world. The political events from the first two weeks of 2021 have convinced me, now more than ever, that we need to stop humanising the rise of this behaviour (no matter how good and honourable those intentions may seem to those who take part).
While I acknowledge that Jamison's story is a deeply personal one. It is not one I think we should be hearing. Because regardless of whether a family does love their queer son, I wonder if it is love, if their politics, (which impacts their son greatly) goes against their son's ability to live life on equal terms.
Thank you to NetGalley and IBPA for allowing me to read an e-arc of this book.
January 17, 2021
Joe and his father are complete opposites. Joe is gay, married to a man, and living in the "big city." Dave, his father, is very conservative, thinks homosexuals will not go to heaven, lives in rural Indiana, and supports Donald Trump. In Hillbilly Queer, our author accompanies his father on a trip back to his hometown for his 55th high school reunion. Jamison agrees to go on this trip in hopes of rekindling his relationship with his father, who he feels at times is a complete stranger.
This memoir hits home. Hillbilly Queer tells a story quite similar to my own, and one that many people I know have had to deal with. While it's idealistic to assume families that have such differing political opinions (specifically regarding Donald Trump) can get along if they just don't discuss politics, that can be a dangerous narrative to paint.
There's a constant struggle with having family members that wholeheartedly support Trump. Do you show empathy and give them a pass "because of how they were raised" or do you continuously push back, explain his faults and how he is dangerous until you are blue in the face, ultimately accomplishing nothing in the end anyway? I understand more than most how tempting it can be to let things slide for the sake of avoiding an argument, but recent events (the past four years actually) have shown what can happen when you don't address a situation immediately.
While I appreciate the author's story and understand it is a personal one, I don't think we are accomplishing anything by continuing the narrative of "reaching across the aisle."
Thank you to NetGalley and IBPA for my advanced copy of Hillbilly Queer in exchange for my honest review.
This memoir hits home. Hillbilly Queer tells a story quite similar to my own, and one that many people I know have had to deal with. While it's idealistic to assume families that have such differing political opinions (specifically regarding Donald Trump) can get along if they just don't discuss politics, that can be a dangerous narrative to paint.
There's a constant struggle with having family members that wholeheartedly support Trump. Do you show empathy and give them a pass "because of how they were raised" or do you continuously push back, explain his faults and how he is dangerous until you are blue in the face, ultimately accomplishing nothing in the end anyway? I understand more than most how tempting it can be to let things slide for the sake of avoiding an argument, but recent events (the past four years actually) have shown what can happen when you don't address a situation immediately.
While I appreciate the author's story and understand it is a personal one, I don't think we are accomplishing anything by continuing the narrative of "reaching across the aisle."
Thank you to NetGalley and IBPA for my advanced copy of Hillbilly Queer in exchange for my honest review.
March 2, 2023
I love when a memoir takes me completely out of myself and shows me something 100% different from my existence, and J.R. Jamison's Hillbilly Queer does just that. Beautifully written, and beautifully performed by the author, the audio edition of Hillbilly Queer is an absolute treat.
Filled with interesting characters, Jamison's tale demonstrates that folks from all walks of life can coexist on this planet. With communication and tolerance, and a willingness to understand where people are coming from, Hillbilly Queer is a true lesson in acceptance.
We don’t have to agree on everything to live peacefully together. Thank you J.R. Jamison for sharing your lovely story.
thank you to OrangeSky Audio, via NetGalley, for providing me with an audiobook copy of Hillbilly Queer: A Memoir for the purpose of my honest review, all opinions are my own
Filled with interesting characters, Jamison's tale demonstrates that folks from all walks of life can coexist on this planet. With communication and tolerance, and a willingness to understand where people are coming from, Hillbilly Queer is a true lesson in acceptance.
We don’t have to agree on everything to live peacefully together. Thank you J.R. Jamison for sharing your lovely story.
thank you to OrangeSky Audio, via NetGalley, for providing me with an audiobook copy of Hillbilly Queer: A Memoir for the purpose of my honest review, all opinions are my own
February 11, 2023
4 / 5 ⭐️‘s
“Hillbilly Queer: A Memoir” by J.R. Jamison
This is a memoir but also a story of a father son road-trip to attend his fathers school reunion.
I personally grew up in a very religious family who are very fond of Trump. So many parts of this story hit pretty close to home for me.
I listened to the audiobook which is narrated by the author and was a great listen at 1.75x narration speed.
(Pub Date: 02/28/23)
This ARC (audiobook) was provided by the publisher via @Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
“Hillbilly Queer: A Memoir” by J.R. Jamison
This is a memoir but also a story of a father son road-trip to attend his fathers school reunion.
I personally grew up in a very religious family who are very fond of Trump. So many parts of this story hit pretty close to home for me.
I listened to the audiobook which is narrated by the author and was a great listen at 1.75x narration speed.
(Pub Date: 02/28/23)
This ARC (audiobook) was provided by the publisher via @Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
February 25, 2025
Cw: recounted sexual encounter, where consent is very dubious; recounted scenes of homophobic bullying.
Set during the 2016 US Presidential Election, Hillbilly Queer is a memoir following the author and his father's trip to the latter's school reunion. As Jamison travels further and further into Missouri's countryside, he finds himself having to reconcile his rural upbringing with his progressive urban present, discover more about his family tree, and most importantly find a way to understand his father and others like him who're planning on voting for Trump.
The book's strength is definitely in its framing and emotional beats. I was really impressed by Jamison's ability to weave the events of his life into a single cohesive narrative. One can't help but be invested in his emotional journey, and his relationship with his dad. It's a great book to read if you haven't had much to do with working class conservatives, and perhaps haven't really examined the class prejudice targeted towards them by progressive liberal activists. I think the best part of the book is how author questioned his education and the ways in whcih it had pushed him away from his working class parents and his rural roots - because knowledge can help you uplift yourself, but can be used to push others down (which is most obviously seen in the way rural people are stereotyped as stupid and uncultured).
However, I hoped that the conclusions Hillbilly Queer reaches would be more substantial. It's nothing more complex than "let's respect each other's reasons to vote and not be prejudiced against people who vote for conservatives", and it never directly questions why the Democratic Party, and progressive thinkers as a whole, have neglected and otherised the white working class. That wouldn't be a bad thing, if it was the first book to tackle this issue, but it's not. I'd say Eli Clare managed to have a more poignant take on this topic in a single chapter of his book Exile and Pride (originally published in 1999) than Hillbilly Queer did for 250 pages (over 20 years later). Honestly, if you're interested in a intersectional queer memoir that touches on queer activism and rural queerness, Exile and Pride is a great read to check out. Hillbilly Queer is not bad, exactly, but it ends on this overly sweet wishy-washy message that could have been more targeted and more practical.
Set during the 2016 US Presidential Election, Hillbilly Queer is a memoir following the author and his father's trip to the latter's school reunion. As Jamison travels further and further into Missouri's countryside, he finds himself having to reconcile his rural upbringing with his progressive urban present, discover more about his family tree, and most importantly find a way to understand his father and others like him who're planning on voting for Trump.
The book's strength is definitely in its framing and emotional beats. I was really impressed by Jamison's ability to weave the events of his life into a single cohesive narrative. One can't help but be invested in his emotional journey, and his relationship with his dad. It's a great book to read if you haven't had much to do with working class conservatives, and perhaps haven't really examined the class prejudice targeted towards them by progressive liberal activists. I think the best part of the book is how author questioned his education and the ways in whcih it had pushed him away from his working class parents and his rural roots - because knowledge can help you uplift yourself, but can be used to push others down (which is most obviously seen in the way rural people are stereotyped as stupid and uncultured).
However, I hoped that the conclusions Hillbilly Queer reaches would be more substantial. It's nothing more complex than "let's respect each other's reasons to vote and not be prejudiced against people who vote for conservatives", and it never directly questions why the Democratic Party, and progressive thinkers as a whole, have neglected and otherised the white working class. That wouldn't be a bad thing, if it was the first book to tackle this issue, but it's not. I'd say Eli Clare managed to have a more poignant take on this topic in a single chapter of his book Exile and Pride (originally published in 1999) than Hillbilly Queer did for 250 pages (over 20 years later). Honestly, if you're interested in a intersectional queer memoir that touches on queer activism and rural queerness, Exile and Pride is a great read to check out. Hillbilly Queer is not bad, exactly, but it ends on this overly sweet wishy-washy message that could have been more targeted and more practical.
January 19, 2023
While this book is a memoir, it's essentially the story of a road trip that J.R. took with his dad just before the 2016 presidential election. It does contain flashbacks to his earlier life and experiences, which adds context.
Personally I found the book to be very easy to read and I flew through this in just a couple of sittings. I found it very interesting, but it's not exactly a thrilling romp. It's more of a quiet exploration of the relationship between a queer man and his dad, who loves him no matter what. What I found the most relatable part of it was how the dad made horribly homophobic comments before J.R. came out and how that impacted their relationship.
While the book does discuss politics and the election, it's really just about how differences with our loved ones are handled, as well as how shared experiences and histories can result in different opinions.
I listened to the audio of this book and it was excellently narrated by the author, which just lent a sense of authenticity to the whole experience. All in all, it was a very thought provoking and emotional read and I would very much recommend.
Personally I found the book to be very easy to read and I flew through this in just a couple of sittings. I found it very interesting, but it's not exactly a thrilling romp. It's more of a quiet exploration of the relationship between a queer man and his dad, who loves him no matter what. What I found the most relatable part of it was how the dad made horribly homophobic comments before J.R. came out and how that impacted their relationship.
While the book does discuss politics and the election, it's really just about how differences with our loved ones are handled, as well as how shared experiences and histories can result in different opinions.
I listened to the audio of this book and it was excellently narrated by the author, which just lent a sense of authenticity to the whole experience. All in all, it was a very thought provoking and emotional read and I would very much recommend.
April 24, 2021
Excellent, reflective memoir of a father and son, set against the 2016 election. J.R. Jamison’s mix of the past the future add so much thoughtfulness and texture to this book.
January 2, 2021
J.R. Jamison reluctantly agreed to go to his dad’s high school reunion in rural Missouri. As his dad, Dave, relives his glory days as a mischievous, star athlete, J.R. learns about his own backwoods, rural, holler, hillbilly roots.
Dave is a hunter, Baptist, and Trump supporter. J.R. is a happily married gay man whose marriage is threatened by the politics and faith Dave follows.
Dave drinks Budweiser and J.R. drinks imported Saison.
There are so many ways this trip could have gone hilariously and heartbreakingly wrong. And while there are plenty of moments when I laughed out loud, there’s something much deeper at work here than the premise of a gay man road tripping with his dad to a reunion. (Surely that’s an amazing sitcom episode.) Dave loves J.R. unconditionally, but will J.R. accept his dad?
In an age of “if you don’t agree with this you can unfriend me now,” where families have been torn apart by divisive politics, J.R.’s love, understanding, and compassion for his father grow as they spend more time together.
While the road trip ties the narrative together and offers up poignant reflections on identity, mortality, class, and acceptance, my favorite moments were the flashbacks to J.R.’s childhood, such as when his dad found a love letter from his first boyfriend.
Dave always has accepted his son. J.R. grows to accept and appreciate not just his father, but his family history and the community he comes from, even when they don’t accept him.
Our country is divided between rural and city, Democrat and Republican, by religion and politics, and somehow Dave and J.R. connect across differences and love each other as a father and son should. I just hope the rest of us can follow in their footsteps.
Dave is a hunter, Baptist, and Trump supporter. J.R. is a happily married gay man whose marriage is threatened by the politics and faith Dave follows.
Dave drinks Budweiser and J.R. drinks imported Saison.
There are so many ways this trip could have gone hilariously and heartbreakingly wrong. And while there are plenty of moments when I laughed out loud, there’s something much deeper at work here than the premise of a gay man road tripping with his dad to a reunion. (Surely that’s an amazing sitcom episode.) Dave loves J.R. unconditionally, but will J.R. accept his dad?
In an age of “if you don’t agree with this you can unfriend me now,” where families have been torn apart by divisive politics, J.R.’s love, understanding, and compassion for his father grow as they spend more time together.
While the road trip ties the narrative together and offers up poignant reflections on identity, mortality, class, and acceptance, my favorite moments were the flashbacks to J.R.’s childhood, such as when his dad found a love letter from his first boyfriend.
Dave always has accepted his son. J.R. grows to accept and appreciate not just his father, but his family history and the community he comes from, even when they don’t accept him.
Our country is divided between rural and city, Democrat and Republican, by religion and politics, and somehow Dave and J.R. connect across differences and love each other as a father and son should. I just hope the rest of us can follow in their footsteps.
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March 1, 2021I really wanted to like this book, but it fell flat for me despite some strong and touching parts. The family history J.R. discovers while roadtripping with his dad and the memories he recalls as they interact are by far the strongest pieces. But overall, I felt like the book couldn't decide if it wanted to be more a family story set against the backdrop of a divided America or a sociological and political argument about moving past that divide. It felt at times like it was trying to be both too much to ultimately succeed at either. The personal narrative was repetitive in places, and while some memories were wonderfully illustrative - the nail polish story was one of my favorite parts - others felt lacking depth or emotion for me. Despite ostensibly being a memoir, I didn't get a great sense for who J.R. is as a person, particularly in the early chapters, aside from being gay and liking theater and his husband. As a political and sociological argument, the 2016 narrative feels anachronistic in 2021 after four years of a Trump presidency and a much clearer idea of what it looked like for America. There's not much of a clear takeaway - the reader never gets a sense of how J.R.'s dad went from saying gay people were going to die of AIDS to accepting his son, though we're told repeatedly that the shift took place. There are some great nuggets in here, but ultimately this frustrated more than it inspired or illuminated.
February 8, 2023
*As is the nature of a memoir, many topics are discussed and could be considered trigger warnings for many people.*
Trigger Warnings: Homophobia, past injury, bullying, discussion of politics/Trump, slurs, cursing, church, guns, alcohol, drugs, sexual assault, death of a friend, plane crash, death of a pet
Representation: Gay
Hillbilly Queer is a memoir during which JR takes a trip with his dad to his old town for a reunion. The two couldn’t be more opposite making this road trip quite the journey. Will the differences continue to divide them or can they come to a common ground?
This ALC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
I did not like this book. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s written well. The author spends a large portion of the book talking about Trump and that doesn’t sit well with me. I understand that his point was how similar we all are as humans, despite the great divide in this country, but I do not agree with his commentary. The narration for this book was well done and I always enjoy when the author narrates their own story.
Trigger Warnings: Homophobia, past injury, bullying, discussion of politics/Trump, slurs, cursing, church, guns, alcohol, drugs, sexual assault, death of a friend, plane crash, death of a pet
Representation: Gay
Hillbilly Queer is a memoir during which JR takes a trip with his dad to his old town for a reunion. The two couldn’t be more opposite making this road trip quite the journey. Will the differences continue to divide them or can they come to a common ground?
This ALC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
I did not like this book. There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s written well. The author spends a large portion of the book talking about Trump and that doesn’t sit well with me. I understand that his point was how similar we all are as humans, despite the great divide in this country, but I do not agree with his commentary. The narration for this book was well done and I always enjoy when the author narrates their own story.
February 12, 2023
🎧 Audiobook Review 🎧
Audiobook releases on Feb 14, 2023.
Hillbilly Queer by J.R. Jamison is like a conversation with an old friend, wherein they share their most personal and impactful life stories. Listening to this in audiobook format (narrated by the author) was a delight, as it offers a more personable experience. I would highly recommend this format to anyone.
The majority of the story takes place in 2016, during the Clinton/Trump presidential race, so this book is VERY political. Folks who want to avoid politics in their reading may wish to avoid this. Personally, I loved it, as I so happen to share Jamison's ideological and political beliefs... So yes, I'm biased. 😉
The whole thing was incredibly relatable to me, as I too have a father (the stepdad who raised me) who is my polar opposite in every way, and is very similar to J.R.'s dad but with a heavy dash of alt-Q-right. It has caused great tension in our relationship and within our family. I often wonder if we'll ever find common ground. Hillbilly Queer gave me hope that we someday might.
Note: the book contains a discussion guide, which would make it great book club pick!
Note: LOTS of potential triggers here. Be sure to check them out before reading if you're sensitive to triggers.
Great book! Thanks Netgalley and OrangeSky Audio for the gifted ALC in exchange for my honest review.
Audiobook releases on Feb 14, 2023.
Hillbilly Queer by J.R. Jamison is like a conversation with an old friend, wherein they share their most personal and impactful life stories. Listening to this in audiobook format (narrated by the author) was a delight, as it offers a more personable experience. I would highly recommend this format to anyone.
The majority of the story takes place in 2016, during the Clinton/Trump presidential race, so this book is VERY political. Folks who want to avoid politics in their reading may wish to avoid this. Personally, I loved it, as I so happen to share Jamison's ideological and political beliefs... So yes, I'm biased. 😉
The whole thing was incredibly relatable to me, as I too have a father (the stepdad who raised me) who is my polar opposite in every way, and is very similar to J.R.'s dad but with a heavy dash of alt-Q-right. It has caused great tension in our relationship and within our family. I often wonder if we'll ever find common ground. Hillbilly Queer gave me hope that we someday might.
Note: the book contains a discussion guide, which would make it great book club pick!
Note: LOTS of potential triggers here. Be sure to check them out before reading if you're sensitive to triggers.
Great book! Thanks Netgalley and OrangeSky Audio for the gifted ALC in exchange for my honest review.
November 21, 2024
I greatly enjoyed this memoir. Jamison dived into his rejection of his rural identity and his own prejudice towards the “hillbillies” he grew up with. Of course, this prejudice and judgment is compounded by a gay childhood amongst violent homophobes.
Jamison ultimately encourages neither a blind acceptance nor blind rejection of those with differing viewpoints, but rather an empathetic “meeting of the minds” that promotes further understanding and opportunities for growth.
Rural communities are so often painted with a broad, othering brush that serves no one positively and heightens political and social divides in our country. Obviously, I will never agree ideologically with a Trump supporter, however I do believe understanding the multifaceted reasons someone chooses to support any political candidate is advantageous as we work towards a better and more equitable future.
Jamison ultimately encourages neither a blind acceptance nor blind rejection of those with differing viewpoints, but rather an empathetic “meeting of the minds” that promotes further understanding and opportunities for growth.
Rural communities are so often painted with a broad, othering brush that serves no one positively and heightens political and social divides in our country. Obviously, I will never agree ideologically with a Trump supporter, however I do believe understanding the multifaceted reasons someone chooses to support any political candidate is advantageous as we work towards a better and more equitable future.
January 30, 2023
This was such an expected surprise for me! I requested it on a whim and it was exactly what I needed. The premise is a father and son who have very different political viewpoints go on a road trip together to the dad’s high school reunion, deep in the heart of Trump country. It’s a book about bridging the divide as individuals, rather than as a country (though he believes we should also bridge that divide). It was so well narrated too. It felt like an episode of This American Life.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ALC.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ALC.
June 12, 2021
A must-read for fans of THE GLASS CASTLE and HILLBILLY ELEGY.
HILLBILLY QUEER is a thought-provoking memoir written by J.R. Jamison, who grew up a "hillbilly" and "queer" in a highly homophobic and hillbilly Indiana area. The memoir covers the days of his father's fifty-fifth class reunion during one of the weeks leading up to trump's election. His father, Dave, has a moral compass founded in the bible and the boy scouts which are anti-LGBTQA+ (the latter at the time of this novel), yet, it's clear Dave loves his son "no matter what." And J.R. will love his father no matter how he votes, but he'd sure like to understand his dad and his reasoning even though they will never agree.
The memoir becomes a journey of J.R. recognizing the labels/terms/teams we often attach to—words that create fear, assumptions, and divisiveness. Trump vs. Clinton. Fox News vs. CNN. Race X vs. Race Y. LGBTQA+ vs. "straight." Liberal vs. Conservative. Hillbilly vs. ... and the author realizes that the bridge he is trying to build with his dad before it's too late is the same bridge that might help a nation and humanity trending toward chaos. I highly recommend Jamison's memoir for book clubs, classrooms, families, and more.
HILLBILLY QUEER is a thought-provoking memoir written by J.R. Jamison, who grew up a "hillbilly" and "queer" in a highly homophobic and hillbilly Indiana area. The memoir covers the days of his father's fifty-fifth class reunion during one of the weeks leading up to trump's election. His father, Dave, has a moral compass founded in the bible and the boy scouts which are anti-LGBTQA+ (the latter at the time of this novel), yet, it's clear Dave loves his son "no matter what." And J.R. will love his father no matter how he votes, but he'd sure like to understand his dad and his reasoning even though they will never agree.
The memoir becomes a journey of J.R. recognizing the labels/terms/teams we often attach to—words that create fear, assumptions, and divisiveness. Trump vs. Clinton. Fox News vs. CNN. Race X vs. Race Y. LGBTQA+ vs. "straight." Liberal vs. Conservative. Hillbilly vs. ... and the author realizes that the bridge he is trying to build with his dad before it's too late is the same bridge that might help a nation and humanity trending toward chaos. I highly recommend Jamison's memoir for book clubs, classrooms, families, and more.
February 17, 2021
" ... sometimes one has to go back to find their true selves ..."
This for me was a story one one man's journey "... to decide what is important to keep in our lives and what is important to let go .." as he traverses the back roads of Missouri with his 72yo father, Dave, who is on his way to his 55 year class reunion.
Jamison reflects not only on his father's life but on his own, growing up where, although he knew he was gay, it wasn't geographically or culturally permissible to acknowledge this openly - that fear of non-acceptable within the "good ole boy" community and of the social consequences of doing so.
That fact that this memoir coincided with the election that saw Trump come to power was, for me, a non-US citizen, neither here nor there. I guess I was able to compartmentalise the political aspects - everyone is entitled to their own political views and many families hold opposing, and oft time polarising views - nothing new there - I guess it was just that in this instance, it was a bit more public. Maybe others are reading more into this than I am.
I read it for what it was - one man's journey of discovery, acceptance, and most importantly family.
This for me was a story one one man's journey "... to decide what is important to keep in our lives and what is important to let go .." as he traverses the back roads of Missouri with his 72yo father, Dave, who is on his way to his 55 year class reunion.
Jamison reflects not only on his father's life but on his own, growing up where, although he knew he was gay, it wasn't geographically or culturally permissible to acknowledge this openly - that fear of non-acceptable within the "good ole boy" community and of the social consequences of doing so.
That fact that this memoir coincided with the election that saw Trump come to power was, for me, a non-US citizen, neither here nor there. I guess I was able to compartmentalise the political aspects - everyone is entitled to their own political views and many families hold opposing, and oft time polarising views - nothing new there - I guess it was just that in this instance, it was a bit more public. Maybe others are reading more into this than I am.
I read it for what it was - one man's journey of discovery, acceptance, and most importantly family.
December 30, 2020
It was an honor and a privilege to be an early reader of my friend J.R. Jamison's forthcoming memoir, "Hillbilly Queer."
What I loved most about "Hillbilly Queer" was how J.R.'s life story was one that I recognized on multiple levels: as a fellow Midwesterner with family members equally devoted to a political personality—and ideology—that I'm at odds with; as a friend who recognized how hard it must have been not just for J.R., but several of her other fellow Midwestern friends—to come out as they did in the '90s and early aughts; and as a fellow child who seeks only to find the best in her parents.
This was such an enlightening road trip to take alongside J.R. and his father, Dave, and it warmed my heart to see the spirit of a fellow Hoosier captured so poignantly on the page.
What I loved most about "Hillbilly Queer" was how J.R.'s life story was one that I recognized on multiple levels: as a fellow Midwesterner with family members equally devoted to a political personality—and ideology—that I'm at odds with; as a friend who recognized how hard it must have been not just for J.R., but several of her other fellow Midwestern friends—to come out as they did in the '90s and early aughts; and as a fellow child who seeks only to find the best in her parents.
This was such an enlightening road trip to take alongside J.R. and his father, Dave, and it warmed my heart to see the spirit of a fellow Hoosier captured so poignantly on the page.
September 29, 2022
Meh. This isn’t the story we need to be reading. The message was not moving or compelling and it was overall boring.
Read
February 6, 2023A memoir about a queer man who goes on a road trip with his hillbilly father to attend the latter’s school reunion. With the impending 2016 US election looming, the two of them are at odds with their political stances - the son a queer liberal and the father a Trump supporter.
The author reflects on class and politics and the motivations behind those who choose to vote for the Republicans, even when those they love do not fit with conservative ideology. He champions the idea of building bridges between our differences, rather than creating a chasm, and finding understanding in each other. While I do appreciate the author’s plead for finding empathy with conservative people who are often of lower class, I also find his perspective to be a bit dismissive of the very real threats that those on the far right pose. Jamison suggests that both sides are capable of harm to the other, which I guess is true? but he neglects to mentioned the bodily harm and harassment that is still so often and disproportionately conducted by the right to the left. Should I have empathy for that? Idk.
Thank you to Orange Sky Audio for the ARC of this new audiobook, which is read by the author.
The author reflects on class and politics and the motivations behind those who choose to vote for the Republicans, even when those they love do not fit with conservative ideology. He champions the idea of building bridges between our differences, rather than creating a chasm, and finding understanding in each other. While I do appreciate the author’s plead for finding empathy with conservative people who are often of lower class, I also find his perspective to be a bit dismissive of the very real threats that those on the far right pose. Jamison suggests that both sides are capable of harm to the other, which I guess is true? but he neglects to mentioned the bodily harm and harassment that is still so often and disproportionately conducted by the right to the left. Should I have empathy for that? Idk.
Thank you to Orange Sky Audio for the ARC of this new audiobook, which is read by the author.
April 5, 2025
This was a wonderful book. It sort of felt like the author was doing a self assessment at the same time as he was writing it. Some things I could relate to or agree with. And some things I could just read about and feel through his writing. It must have been very difficult to relive many of those events. When he says that he “willingly” participated in that event with his old high school friend…no, my dear, you did not. You did NOT feel safe. It’s there in your writing. So, no, it wasn’t willing. 😞 I’m sorry for the younger you that felt like they HAD to do that. So, I don’t land on any “side” of the political spectrum with a hard and firm “yes”. So, I do understand his difficulty with a close family member who does land firmly on an “apposing” side, if you will. I just hope that our world can move towards a more understanding and excepting time when we are all people and not labels to be angry with. I am more than an “adjective” or a “noun” that others use to describe me in a moment…and so are others. 🙃😊😘
February 13, 2023
I actually didn't know who J.R. Jamison was before reading this book, but I really enjoyed his perspective on life, his family, and the political divide in America. Hearing about his relationship with his dad and the eventual decision to not vote for Trump was really eye opening for me. It made me self reflect on my own biases and personal opinions towards "the other side" and realize that they are just as human as I am and its okay for us to disagree, as long as it doesn't become hateful difference of opinion. I did think this moved a bit slow to start but found the latter half of the book to be very insightful and interesting. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
June 27, 2021
Very timely and thoughtful
February 1, 2023
To be honest, I knew I wanted to read this book before I even knew what it was about. Whether it was the enigmatic title: Hillbilly Queer, or the cover art for the book, I knew there had to be a good story and life lessons between the binding.
Though I’m neither hillbilly nor queer, this book took me through the real-life journey and thoughts of J.R. Jamison, the queer son to Dave, his hillbilly dad, and their trek to Missouri’s backwoods for Dave’s 55 year high school reunion.
I read a number of reviews done by others in preparation for this one. I wanted to see what other people related to, liked, disliked, gathered, and moralized from this book.
While other reviewers read this memoir as a story of bridging the divide between right and left, father and son, hillbilly and queer, I internalized something a little different.
This memoir is not about politics, socioeconomics, nor family strife.
Hillbilly Queer is a story of the timeless, never-ending battle between love and fear. The love of who we consider ‘us’, and the fear of everyone else — ‘them’.
Growing up, J.R. knew he was different from the rest of the hometown boys. Between being made fun of for his collection of dolls by his boy scout team and the way he liked how his fingernails looked when they were painted, J.R. didn’t fit in from an early age.
To make matters worse, being raised in the backwoods of America during the 1980’s and 90’s, he didn’t have anyone to support his individuality, foremost being his own dad. From his dad’s disapproval of gay’s, to his ‘manly’ lack of sensitivity and outward suppression of emotions, J.R. lived in fear and shame that he was an outcast amongst his own kin.
After going away to college at Ball State in Indiana, J.R. was finally able to find people with whom he fit in, but wasn’t readily able to shed the feeling of fear and shame of being isolated from ‘them’. After all, there was much more of ‘them’ than ‘us’ for him, so he did his best to blend in and hide his true identity.
In the book, he shares a story of one of his first days in college during a team-building exercise. The participants were asked to step forward if they agreed with a statement and stay put if not. When the leader asked who supported equal rights for gay-marriage, J.R.’s body took him forward, but his fear held him back. He stood there straddling the line between being true to himself and being accepted by others. Though he was hundreds of miles from where he grew up, he couldn’t accept the love within himself and for the people like him to have enough courage to publicly declare it.
Later, he is able to cast light on the shadow he kept hidden from others, and starts dating a man from school. It’s not until his father finds a love letter from J.R.’s boyfriend while he is home for summer break that he is no longer able to hide in the shadows covering the vast differences between him and his dad. He was afraid his dad wouldn’t accept him. That his dad would damn him to Hell. But the fear he felt from his dad did not overcome the love that his dad felt for him.
It wasn’t until Dave invited J.R. to his 55th class reunion that the dim light overhead J.R.’s shadow morphed into the bright backwood Missouri Sun.
I found myself wondering why Dave invited his son on this journey in the first place? Dave knew his son was queer, being married to a man and all, and also knew of the long-held deep beliefs and political standing of the great majority of hillbillies from his hometown.
After finishing this book, I believe it was Dave’s insight and wisdom that told him this journey wouldn’t just be a simple father-son road trip, but a traversing of the bridge that keeps so many of us divided. A white water rafting trip between the shores of fear, and love.
J.R. was apprehensive by just the thought of this trip. What would people think of him? Would he have to hide his true self, just as he did as a kid in the confines of his own home in Indiana? Missouri was his dad’s turf, not his. But maybe, just maybe, he could learn more about himself through the eyes of his dad.
While reflecting back on the trip later in the book, J.R. learns ‘sometimes one has to go back to find their true selves’.
Once in Missouri, J.R. immediately feels alone. Surrounded by guns, cheap beer and Trump signs, his surroundings couldn’t be further from the beliefs he held dear. From his viewpoint, these symbols represented hate, not love, and he was afraid.
How could it be that hate for one group meant love for another?
Throughout this book, we get real-life examples showcasing that it’s not hate that divides liberals from conservatives, ‘us’ from ‘them’. It’s fear.
The fear of conservatives that pro-choice liberals will bring God’s wrath unto humanity through the scientific act of playing Him.
The fear of liberals that conservatives will strip away their ability to family-plan and strategize for the optimal time to bring a precious new life into this painful world, if they so choose to at all.
It’s not hate towards the other, but fear of losing protection for ourselves that creates such a deep divide. It’s our ego, confusion, and selfishness that transmutes that fear into hate. Delusional thinking that tells us the answer to fear is hate, and the answer to hate is avoiding, overpowering, and eliminating.
Only once we can see the divide is caused by fear and not hate can we turn that fear into true understanding, and ultimately, to acceptance and love.
It was a summer morning in backwoods Missouri when Dave and J.R. stopped at a local diner around Dave’s home town. There, Dave met a trucker from Wisconsin sitting down to eat with his wife. Dave sat down across from them, and J.R. nervously followed suit. While his dad and the trucker talked about Trump, walls, guns, and everything in between, J.R. couldn’t help but to notice the quiet Mexican family sitting within earshot of his table’s conversations.
He felt bad for them, knowing they must feel isolated in this hillbilly town of Trump supporting whites, with J.R.’s own table being a face of the oppressor.
When it was the trucker’s time to go, he got up and walked straight over to the Mexican family complete with a husband, wife, and two kids. J.R. prepared for what might happen next. The two men shook hands, exchanged some friendly words, and parted ways. No physical altercation nor derogatory slander, like J.R. seemed to have expected.
A simple ‘hello’, ‘how are you’, ‘see you next time’, ‘goodbye’.
Was it really this easy? Were all the fears he harbored from the news, social media, and movies of ‘us’ vs ‘them’ all just a hyperbolized facade?
Why was he afraid to speak his mind around them? Afraid for ‘them’ to hear his ‘gay’ voice, when seemingly the biggest divider of all, the brown shade of skin that Trump’s wall would be erected to keep out, didn’t keep these unlikely friends apart?
Through this initial experience, followed by many more, did J.R. start to realize that people are like books, and books can’t be read by just a glance at their cover. It wasn’t just the sophisticated and educated liberals that had a story worth reading, but the hometown country hillbillies that had one as well.
J.R. couldn’t understand how his dad could love his queer son while at the same time planning to vote for Trump, someone who planned to put conservative supreme court justices in power that might act to overturn the marriage certificate that he waited years and jumped through many hoops to get.
Trump, the same man objectifying women and living life as a billionaire claiming to be a champion for the working middle class.
Trump, the man who would later choose Pence as his VP, the man who signed a bill in Indiana making it a ‘religious right’ for businesses to turn away customers that were gay, lesbian, and transgender. Living in Indiana, J.R. felt firsthand what it was like to live not knowing if the restaurant he and his husband chose to dine would serve them with love or turn them away in fear perceived as hate.
The ‘us’ vs ‘them’ ‘religious right’ of one group seen as contempt and disgust by the other.
How different was this ‘religious right’ of conservatives against queers from the discrimination against blacks just a few decades past? How could one vote for such leaders if they knew just a little of what history taught us about where such discrimination starts, and where it might end.
How could his dad do that to him?
‘These people around here are simple’ Dave began. ‘They’re not college educated folks, and Trump speaks to the middle way that nobody else will’.
‘Supporting Hillary Clinton, to dad, was basically like me saying to him ‘I wanted all of your friend’s jobs to go away’. -J.R.
It wasn’t through avoidance, but through honest conversation about the things that mattered most to them where J.R. and Dave turned hours into days and days into nights, beginning to see that they weren’t as different-the divide not as wide-as J.R. once thought after all.
After meeting many of his dad’s high school classmates, J.R. came to know that the reason they supported Trump wasn’t out of hate towards the queers, Mexican’s, equal rights for all, etc., but of the fear that rights were being taken away that they might never get back.
The right to work in a factory to make a living and support a family. The right to own a gun to protect yourself and to hunt to feed your family. The right to live a simple life and not be afraid of what might happen to such ‘simple folk’, neighbors, family, and friends of Dave in the future.
These ‘hillbilly’ conservatives didn’t want the right to power, but the right to be free, just like the liberals they fight so tirelessly against.
It’s not through hate and control that liberals want less guns in people’s hands, but fear of what happens when guns are in the wrong ones.
It’s not through hate nor ambivalence towards the beauty of life that liberals want the ability to choose when to produce it, but the fear of creating life when they aren’t prepared to support it that scares them.
It’s not hate towards the upper class that liberals want more taxes taken from them, but fear that the rich will leave nothing for the poor that bring their fearful whispers to a roar.
This book takes us on a journey not only to the woods of Missouri, but to the woods of our heart. The deep-seated beliefs we hold about ‘us’ and ‘them’ turn out not to be so right and wrong, black and white, after all. But rather hued with a touch of grey.
In the end, Dave is able to acknowledge the faults in Trump, and J.R., the shortfalls in Hillary. Presidential candidates, just like their constituents, all have faults of their own and to expect them to be perfect is a hopeless dream. Dave and J.R. realized that politics didn’t have to divide them, but can work to bring them together in the most unexpected of ways.
Dave loved his son no matter what. Gay or straight, athlete or actor, J.R. was Dave’s son and politics would never change that. Dave was born in a different time, a different place, and had a much different upbringing than his son. He had different experiences that shaped him into who he was; a small-town man that was brought up relying on, and caring for, those around him. Dave’s early support of Trump wasn’t a signal of hate towards his son, but a hope for jobs, peace, and freedom for the countless number of forgotten people he had love for like him.
J.R.’s vote for Hillary wasn’t to take food off the table of his father and his friends, but for the hope of a more inclusive America. Where the color of your skin and sexual orientation don’t have to limit who you can love, where you can work, and at what restaurant you can dine.
This book is beautifully brought to an end by the thoughtful conversation between J.R. and his college friends the day of the unexpected victory of Donald Trump for president.
J.R. and his friends sat there stunned from the news of the polls. Most of his liberal friend group hadn’t considered that Trump winning was even a remote possibility.
As they sat there crying, consoling, and confused, one of them brought up the idea of displaying a sign outside of their dorm window signifying their room as a safe space for anyone who needs. J.R. countered the idea, saying that marking their room as a safe space therefore denotes all those who voted for Trump as unsafe. Widening the chasm and deepening the divide.
That meant people like J.R.’s own father, Dave, and all of his dad’s friends back home, were unsafe. The same people just doing what they could to get by and provide for their family, afraid of what a liberal president would mean for their livelihood. Afraid that a liberal president would favor workers oversees for cheaper prices, meaning fewer jobs for the already struggling blue collar workers at home.
‘Liberal’ vs. ‘Conservative’
‘Us’ vs. ‘Them’
‘Safe’ vs. ‘Unsafe’
What is a liberal or conservative, democrat or republican anyways if not just baskets to sort ‘us’ and ‘them’ by?
J.R. and his dad both equally wanted a better world for themselves, their family, friends, and everyone else.
This book shows us how the only way to create that better world is person to person, one by one, in the framework of honest communication, and with a foundation of love.
J.R. started this journey with his dad expecting the worst and hoping for the best. If I were to guess, I think J.R. ended this journey more of a changed man than he ever would have imagined.
If he were back in college right now, J.R. wouldn’t just step over that line. He would run, jump, and dance in the beauty and self-love of his own whole being right over it.
From isolation to inclusion, confusion to clarity, this book holds within its pages a journey of empathy and self-discovery. If you find solace through stories of overcoming barriers while reconstructing fear into love, this book is for you.
Though I’m neither hillbilly nor queer, this book took me through the real-life journey and thoughts of J.R. Jamison, the queer son to Dave, his hillbilly dad, and their trek to Missouri’s backwoods for Dave’s 55 year high school reunion.
I read a number of reviews done by others in preparation for this one. I wanted to see what other people related to, liked, disliked, gathered, and moralized from this book.
While other reviewers read this memoir as a story of bridging the divide between right and left, father and son, hillbilly and queer, I internalized something a little different.
This memoir is not about politics, socioeconomics, nor family strife.
Hillbilly Queer is a story of the timeless, never-ending battle between love and fear. The love of who we consider ‘us’, and the fear of everyone else — ‘them’.
Growing up, J.R. knew he was different from the rest of the hometown boys. Between being made fun of for his collection of dolls by his boy scout team and the way he liked how his fingernails looked when they were painted, J.R. didn’t fit in from an early age.
To make matters worse, being raised in the backwoods of America during the 1980’s and 90’s, he didn’t have anyone to support his individuality, foremost being his own dad. From his dad’s disapproval of gay’s, to his ‘manly’ lack of sensitivity and outward suppression of emotions, J.R. lived in fear and shame that he was an outcast amongst his own kin.
After going away to college at Ball State in Indiana, J.R. was finally able to find people with whom he fit in, but wasn’t readily able to shed the feeling of fear and shame of being isolated from ‘them’. After all, there was much more of ‘them’ than ‘us’ for him, so he did his best to blend in and hide his true identity.
In the book, he shares a story of one of his first days in college during a team-building exercise. The participants were asked to step forward if they agreed with a statement and stay put if not. When the leader asked who supported equal rights for gay-marriage, J.R.’s body took him forward, but his fear held him back. He stood there straddling the line between being true to himself and being accepted by others. Though he was hundreds of miles from where he grew up, he couldn’t accept the love within himself and for the people like him to have enough courage to publicly declare it.
Later, he is able to cast light on the shadow he kept hidden from others, and starts dating a man from school. It’s not until his father finds a love letter from J.R.’s boyfriend while he is home for summer break that he is no longer able to hide in the shadows covering the vast differences between him and his dad. He was afraid his dad wouldn’t accept him. That his dad would damn him to Hell. But the fear he felt from his dad did not overcome the love that his dad felt for him.
It wasn’t until Dave invited J.R. to his 55th class reunion that the dim light overhead J.R.’s shadow morphed into the bright backwood Missouri Sun.
I found myself wondering why Dave invited his son on this journey in the first place? Dave knew his son was queer, being married to a man and all, and also knew of the long-held deep beliefs and political standing of the great majority of hillbillies from his hometown.
After finishing this book, I believe it was Dave’s insight and wisdom that told him this journey wouldn’t just be a simple father-son road trip, but a traversing of the bridge that keeps so many of us divided. A white water rafting trip between the shores of fear, and love.
J.R. was apprehensive by just the thought of this trip. What would people think of him? Would he have to hide his true self, just as he did as a kid in the confines of his own home in Indiana? Missouri was his dad’s turf, not his. But maybe, just maybe, he could learn more about himself through the eyes of his dad.
While reflecting back on the trip later in the book, J.R. learns ‘sometimes one has to go back to find their true selves’.
Once in Missouri, J.R. immediately feels alone. Surrounded by guns, cheap beer and Trump signs, his surroundings couldn’t be further from the beliefs he held dear. From his viewpoint, these symbols represented hate, not love, and he was afraid.
How could it be that hate for one group meant love for another?
Throughout this book, we get real-life examples showcasing that it’s not hate that divides liberals from conservatives, ‘us’ from ‘them’. It’s fear.
The fear of conservatives that pro-choice liberals will bring God’s wrath unto humanity through the scientific act of playing Him.
The fear of liberals that conservatives will strip away their ability to family-plan and strategize for the optimal time to bring a precious new life into this painful world, if they so choose to at all.
It’s not hate towards the other, but fear of losing protection for ourselves that creates such a deep divide. It’s our ego, confusion, and selfishness that transmutes that fear into hate. Delusional thinking that tells us the answer to fear is hate, and the answer to hate is avoiding, overpowering, and eliminating.
Only once we can see the divide is caused by fear and not hate can we turn that fear into true understanding, and ultimately, to acceptance and love.
It was a summer morning in backwoods Missouri when Dave and J.R. stopped at a local diner around Dave’s home town. There, Dave met a trucker from Wisconsin sitting down to eat with his wife. Dave sat down across from them, and J.R. nervously followed suit. While his dad and the trucker talked about Trump, walls, guns, and everything in between, J.R. couldn’t help but to notice the quiet Mexican family sitting within earshot of his table’s conversations.
He felt bad for them, knowing they must feel isolated in this hillbilly town of Trump supporting whites, with J.R.’s own table being a face of the oppressor.
When it was the trucker’s time to go, he got up and walked straight over to the Mexican family complete with a husband, wife, and two kids. J.R. prepared for what might happen next. The two men shook hands, exchanged some friendly words, and parted ways. No physical altercation nor derogatory slander, like J.R. seemed to have expected.
A simple ‘hello’, ‘how are you’, ‘see you next time’, ‘goodbye’.
Was it really this easy? Were all the fears he harbored from the news, social media, and movies of ‘us’ vs ‘them’ all just a hyperbolized facade?
Why was he afraid to speak his mind around them? Afraid for ‘them’ to hear his ‘gay’ voice, when seemingly the biggest divider of all, the brown shade of skin that Trump’s wall would be erected to keep out, didn’t keep these unlikely friends apart?
Through this initial experience, followed by many more, did J.R. start to realize that people are like books, and books can’t be read by just a glance at their cover. It wasn’t just the sophisticated and educated liberals that had a story worth reading, but the hometown country hillbillies that had one as well.
J.R. couldn’t understand how his dad could love his queer son while at the same time planning to vote for Trump, someone who planned to put conservative supreme court justices in power that might act to overturn the marriage certificate that he waited years and jumped through many hoops to get.
Trump, the same man objectifying women and living life as a billionaire claiming to be a champion for the working middle class.
Trump, the man who would later choose Pence as his VP, the man who signed a bill in Indiana making it a ‘religious right’ for businesses to turn away customers that were gay, lesbian, and transgender. Living in Indiana, J.R. felt firsthand what it was like to live not knowing if the restaurant he and his husband chose to dine would serve them with love or turn them away in fear perceived as hate.
The ‘us’ vs ‘them’ ‘religious right’ of one group seen as contempt and disgust by the other.
How different was this ‘religious right’ of conservatives against queers from the discrimination against blacks just a few decades past? How could one vote for such leaders if they knew just a little of what history taught us about where such discrimination starts, and where it might end.
How could his dad do that to him?
‘These people around here are simple’ Dave began. ‘They’re not college educated folks, and Trump speaks to the middle way that nobody else will’.
‘Supporting Hillary Clinton, to dad, was basically like me saying to him ‘I wanted all of your friend’s jobs to go away’. -J.R.
It wasn’t through avoidance, but through honest conversation about the things that mattered most to them where J.R. and Dave turned hours into days and days into nights, beginning to see that they weren’t as different-the divide not as wide-as J.R. once thought after all.
After meeting many of his dad’s high school classmates, J.R. came to know that the reason they supported Trump wasn’t out of hate towards the queers, Mexican’s, equal rights for all, etc., but of the fear that rights were being taken away that they might never get back.
The right to work in a factory to make a living and support a family. The right to own a gun to protect yourself and to hunt to feed your family. The right to live a simple life and not be afraid of what might happen to such ‘simple folk’, neighbors, family, and friends of Dave in the future.
These ‘hillbilly’ conservatives didn’t want the right to power, but the right to be free, just like the liberals they fight so tirelessly against.
It’s not through hate and control that liberals want less guns in people’s hands, but fear of what happens when guns are in the wrong ones.
It’s not through hate nor ambivalence towards the beauty of life that liberals want the ability to choose when to produce it, but the fear of creating life when they aren’t prepared to support it that scares them.
It’s not hate towards the upper class that liberals want more taxes taken from them, but fear that the rich will leave nothing for the poor that bring their fearful whispers to a roar.
This book takes us on a journey not only to the woods of Missouri, but to the woods of our heart. The deep-seated beliefs we hold about ‘us’ and ‘them’ turn out not to be so right and wrong, black and white, after all. But rather hued with a touch of grey.
In the end, Dave is able to acknowledge the faults in Trump, and J.R., the shortfalls in Hillary. Presidential candidates, just like their constituents, all have faults of their own and to expect them to be perfect is a hopeless dream. Dave and J.R. realized that politics didn’t have to divide them, but can work to bring them together in the most unexpected of ways.
Dave loved his son no matter what. Gay or straight, athlete or actor, J.R. was Dave’s son and politics would never change that. Dave was born in a different time, a different place, and had a much different upbringing than his son. He had different experiences that shaped him into who he was; a small-town man that was brought up relying on, and caring for, those around him. Dave’s early support of Trump wasn’t a signal of hate towards his son, but a hope for jobs, peace, and freedom for the countless number of forgotten people he had love for like him.
J.R.’s vote for Hillary wasn’t to take food off the table of his father and his friends, but for the hope of a more inclusive America. Where the color of your skin and sexual orientation don’t have to limit who you can love, where you can work, and at what restaurant you can dine.
This book is beautifully brought to an end by the thoughtful conversation between J.R. and his college friends the day of the unexpected victory of Donald Trump for president.
J.R. and his friends sat there stunned from the news of the polls. Most of his liberal friend group hadn’t considered that Trump winning was even a remote possibility.
As they sat there crying, consoling, and confused, one of them brought up the idea of displaying a sign outside of their dorm window signifying their room as a safe space for anyone who needs. J.R. countered the idea, saying that marking their room as a safe space therefore denotes all those who voted for Trump as unsafe. Widening the chasm and deepening the divide.
That meant people like J.R.’s own father, Dave, and all of his dad’s friends back home, were unsafe. The same people just doing what they could to get by and provide for their family, afraid of what a liberal president would mean for their livelihood. Afraid that a liberal president would favor workers oversees for cheaper prices, meaning fewer jobs for the already struggling blue collar workers at home.
‘Liberal’ vs. ‘Conservative’
‘Us’ vs. ‘Them’
‘Safe’ vs. ‘Unsafe’
What is a liberal or conservative, democrat or republican anyways if not just baskets to sort ‘us’ and ‘them’ by?
J.R. and his dad both equally wanted a better world for themselves, their family, friends, and everyone else.
This book shows us how the only way to create that better world is person to person, one by one, in the framework of honest communication, and with a foundation of love.
J.R. started this journey with his dad expecting the worst and hoping for the best. If I were to guess, I think J.R. ended this journey more of a changed man than he ever would have imagined.
If he were back in college right now, J.R. wouldn’t just step over that line. He would run, jump, and dance in the beauty and self-love of his own whole being right over it.
From isolation to inclusion, confusion to clarity, this book holds within its pages a journey of empathy and self-discovery. If you find solace through stories of overcoming barriers while reconstructing fear into love, this book is for you.
June 27, 2022
I was excited about this addition to the slowly growing genre of rural queer literature. J.R. Jamison attempts a task many would not: bridging a deep and wide political divide. He (self-professed liberal queer) spends a week with his father (explicit Trump-supporting hillbilly) in rural Missouri. His determination to take this on, stick with it, and try to process his experiences with humility and compassion is laudable on its own. I appreciate that, at every turn, he holds space for the strangers he meets, his father’s seemingly bizarre political opinions, and his own feelings about the situation (in his family, on the trip, in the world…).
“Hillbilly Queer” is part travel piece, part memoir, part social commentary, part political journalism; in trying to be all of those things, it falls just short of really achieving any of them. Along the way, Jamison tries to analyze the people he is with--especially his father--and the political developments that brought him to where he is. He does offer a few nuggets of genuine insight, but the analysis is often shallow and in some spots borders on misguided (for example, the discussion of his father’s and great-grandmother’s race and “passing” and how that connects to him).
As a piece of memoir, the reader gets the sense that Jamison is trying to bare it all on the page and wants to connect with the reader (and his father). Again, that does succeed in some spots, but there are many jarring shifts in tone, such that a coherent voice never really emerges. One moment detached and academic is followed by a painfully tender moment of vulnerability, rounded off with a glib reference to his clothes or the setting; the juxtapositions make it all seem a bit forced.
This book is just about as feel-good as a memoir can get. Jamison is motivated to go on this trip by love for his father and dwells heavily on the memories that embody that mutual love: tacit approval of painted nails, reassurance after a particularly nerve wracking acting performance, and the pinnacle, acceptance of his sexuality. Throughout the narrative, when the mood becomes tense--and it often does--these memories are drawn up in order to diffuse the writer’s own anxiety or remind him of why he’s there. These moments seem genuine, as does the love.
“Hillbilly Queer” is part travel piece, part memoir, part social commentary, part political journalism; in trying to be all of those things, it falls just short of really achieving any of them. Along the way, Jamison tries to analyze the people he is with--especially his father--and the political developments that brought him to where he is. He does offer a few nuggets of genuine insight, but the analysis is often shallow and in some spots borders on misguided (for example, the discussion of his father’s and great-grandmother’s race and “passing” and how that connects to him).
As a piece of memoir, the reader gets the sense that Jamison is trying to bare it all on the page and wants to connect with the reader (and his father). Again, that does succeed in some spots, but there are many jarring shifts in tone, such that a coherent voice never really emerges. One moment detached and academic is followed by a painfully tender moment of vulnerability, rounded off with a glib reference to his clothes or the setting; the juxtapositions make it all seem a bit forced.
This book is just about as feel-good as a memoir can get. Jamison is motivated to go on this trip by love for his father and dwells heavily on the memories that embody that mutual love: tacit approval of painted nails, reassurance after a particularly nerve wracking acting performance, and the pinnacle, acceptance of his sexuality. Throughout the narrative, when the mood becomes tense--and it often does--these memories are drawn up in order to diffuse the writer’s own anxiety or remind him of why he’s there. These moments seem genuine, as does the love.
March 19, 2021
I am struggling to write a review for this title. Hillbilly Queer is a memoir written by J.R. Jamison that touches on many topics, including the severe political divide currently in the United States. Jamison's family, like many American families, has members who fall on each end of the spectrum. In this case, Jamison is a gay man who is very left-leaning politically and his father is more conservative. The memoir unfolds during the 2016 election season as the two go on a trip to his father's hometown for his high school reunion. The author is trying to understand and accept that his father is planning to vote for Donald Trump - a candidate who is not LGBTQ+ friendly (that might be an understatement) among other things (racist, sexist, an accused sexual abuser, xenophobic, etc.). Here's why this review is difficult to write: this is a nonfiction account of Jamison's experience with Trump supporters as a gay man. I do not think it's appropriate for me to invalidate his story and I am glad that he was able to write this memoir. However, something about this book did not sit right with me. Maybe it was because I read it five years after the events occurred, just months after Donald Trump left the white house leaving the country in shambles. This memoir encourages readers to reach across the political aisle and embrace those who hold different views than us. Which is great in theory. But is it realistic at this time? Just something to consider if you decide to pick up this title...
(PUB DATE: 05/11/2021)
(I received a digital copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed above are my own.)
(PUB DATE: 05/11/2021)
(I received a digital copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed above are my own.)
February 3, 2023
This book was so frustrating. It is repetitious and reductive. J.R. has some interesting stories, but seems to be trying to force his relationship with his father into a me Vs you structure. The "growth" in that relationship is told, rather than shown.
I'm not sure why J.R. goes on and one and on about the in-seam length of his shorts. His gay identity seems to be entirely wrapped up in the length of his shorts, his leather travel bag and his tiffany bracelet. Which he mentions every single chapter.
He does not properly explore WHY people felt the way they did about Trump. His approach was simplistic and super judgemental. He doesn't seem to understand that people can hate immigrants in general and still be friends with immigrants, that there is a duality and depth to people.
And he is really judgemental the whole way through. And annoying. He seems surprised every time a stranger doesn't murder him - but every stranger in the book is actually super friendly and super helpful.
So why the three stars? Because despite my ranting I could't stop listening. I think J.R. had something to say, but didn't quite get it said here.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers from the audio-book in exchange for an honest review.
I'm not sure why J.R. goes on and one and on about the in-seam length of his shorts. His gay identity seems to be entirely wrapped up in the length of his shorts, his leather travel bag and his tiffany bracelet. Which he mentions every single chapter.
He does not properly explore WHY people felt the way they did about Trump. His approach was simplistic and super judgemental. He doesn't seem to understand that people can hate immigrants in general and still be friends with immigrants, that there is a duality and depth to people.
And he is really judgemental the whole way through. And annoying. He seems surprised every time a stranger doesn't murder him - but every stranger in the book is actually super friendly and super helpful.
So why the three stars? Because despite my ranting I could't stop listening. I think J.R. had something to say, but didn't quite get it said here.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers from the audio-book in exchange for an honest review.
February 9, 2024
Thank you, JR, for your perspective. You and your dad have something special.
March 29, 2022
Trigger warnings for this memoir include: homophobia, racism, political setting of the 2016 US election cycle, light classism.
A well-written introduction to HIllbilly Queer by J.R Jamison: "...I'd been afraid to jump completely with abandon. But this time, with Dad, we're going to jump together -- to see where it might take us and to see what it's really like on the other side. A distance in age, experience, politics, and twenty years' worth of miles.”
Joe, a gay man, returns to his home in rural Indiana, where he suffered homophobic-related trauma as a child and has since escaped, to see his father in weak health. His father, Dave, is his opposite. He raves about Donald Trump and Fox News, which drives Joe wild. While home, Dave asks his son to accompany him on a trip to his 55-year class reunion. Along the way, they make stops, meet new people, and have small adventures, all the while working to find a place in each other’s lives.
There are strengths to this story: the language in this memoir is vivid and intriguing, highlighting the real details of Indiana and her denizens. It was enjoyable to watch a scene unfold while also being handed the lens through which Joe interpreted it. Jamison looks past political identity to uncover a father and a son, and the emotional relationship they neglected. There is real emotion in the anecdotes and stories of the past Jamison weaves through the present.
The title of the book stems from stereotypes, as Jamison puts it: "People like me looked at people like Dad and thought, 'Hillbilly.' And people like Dad looked at people like me and thought, 'Queer.' But maybe this once we could be brave enough to go beyond conversations and step wildly into each other's worlds."
However, the narrative has a tendency to fall flat – Joe often finds himself exercising a violent level of judgment unprompted on the “hillbillies” he claims hate him for his queerness: "It wasn't hard to think that if the people who lived in these places had known an ivory tower queer like me had been sneaking around, I would've been the one locked up in their shed. Goddamn, no one would even hear me scream." The family whose shed he described treated him kindly.
Jamison attempts to describe the political landscape of the 2016 election cycle while also looking past it. His ultimate message of “reaching across the aisle” doesn’t quite hit the target: as a cisgendered, white, gay man, it may be easier for Joe to catch his father’s love and ignore the politics Dave supports than someone with a more marginalized identity. The story also does not make it clear how Dave exactly jumps from horrifically homophobic to accepting, making it difficult to accept Jamison’s portrayal of his character as wholly accurate or ornate.
Overall, Hillbilly Queer treats its reader fairly, free to think what they’d like. Jamison shares his perspective and journey with his father, but doesn’t drag readers along with his evolving philosophy.
Readers of this memoir enjoyed Unthinkable by Jamie Raskin and Somebody’s Daughter by Ashley C. Ford, also set in Indiana. Beneath it all, this is a story about family, acceptance, and love.
A well-written introduction to HIllbilly Queer by J.R Jamison: "...I'd been afraid to jump completely with abandon. But this time, with Dad, we're going to jump together -- to see where it might take us and to see what it's really like on the other side. A distance in age, experience, politics, and twenty years' worth of miles.”
Joe, a gay man, returns to his home in rural Indiana, where he suffered homophobic-related trauma as a child and has since escaped, to see his father in weak health. His father, Dave, is his opposite. He raves about Donald Trump and Fox News, which drives Joe wild. While home, Dave asks his son to accompany him on a trip to his 55-year class reunion. Along the way, they make stops, meet new people, and have small adventures, all the while working to find a place in each other’s lives.
There are strengths to this story: the language in this memoir is vivid and intriguing, highlighting the real details of Indiana and her denizens. It was enjoyable to watch a scene unfold while also being handed the lens through which Joe interpreted it. Jamison looks past political identity to uncover a father and a son, and the emotional relationship they neglected. There is real emotion in the anecdotes and stories of the past Jamison weaves through the present.
The title of the book stems from stereotypes, as Jamison puts it: "People like me looked at people like Dad and thought, 'Hillbilly.' And people like Dad looked at people like me and thought, 'Queer.' But maybe this once we could be brave enough to go beyond conversations and step wildly into each other's worlds."
However, the narrative has a tendency to fall flat – Joe often finds himself exercising a violent level of judgment unprompted on the “hillbillies” he claims hate him for his queerness: "It wasn't hard to think that if the people who lived in these places had known an ivory tower queer like me had been sneaking around, I would've been the one locked up in their shed. Goddamn, no one would even hear me scream." The family whose shed he described treated him kindly.
Jamison attempts to describe the political landscape of the 2016 election cycle while also looking past it. His ultimate message of “reaching across the aisle” doesn’t quite hit the target: as a cisgendered, white, gay man, it may be easier for Joe to catch his father’s love and ignore the politics Dave supports than someone with a more marginalized identity. The story also does not make it clear how Dave exactly jumps from horrifically homophobic to accepting, making it difficult to accept Jamison’s portrayal of his character as wholly accurate or ornate.
Overall, Hillbilly Queer treats its reader fairly, free to think what they’d like. Jamison shares his perspective and journey with his father, but doesn’t drag readers along with his evolving philosophy.
Readers of this memoir enjoyed Unthinkable by Jamie Raskin and Somebody’s Daughter by Ashley C. Ford, also set in Indiana. Beneath it all, this is a story about family, acceptance, and love.
September 26, 2021
As someone whose ten-year 4-H plaque sits next to a signed picture of Trump in the dining room curio cabinet in the house where I grew up, this book was so incredibly important to me.
On more than one occasion I have felt guilty for not cutting ties with my Trump-supporting family. And don’t even get me started on anti-vaxxing. Through various conversations, I have done my best to discuss my position and explain the issues I take with Trump and his various problematic statements, views, and policies. They have done the same. Most of us have refused to change our minds.
I somewhat understood where my family were coming from during his run - much like Jamison’s dad and the folks they met along their journey, a lot of my family are farmers and factory workers who miss and lament the days where you could make a pretty good living off of work like that. When it was reliable and there weren’t layoffs around every corner. They were tired of feeling like all other politicians didn’t care about and insisted on talking down to them. They wanted someone who talked to them like they would talk to one another - shooting straight without sugar-coating, and they believed that Trump fit that bill. It wasn’t that they necessarily agreed with his racist, homophobic, ableist, and misogynist comments and beliefs, it was that they were willing to overlook those in favor of returning jobs and much needed capital to their lives and families.
As Jamison points out, conversations around these topics are emotional labor and sometimes it’s okay to pick and choose your battles. It takes a lot of effort sometimes to engage in dialogue rather than just unfollowing family members whose posts feel offensive and/or represent viewpoints that I find untenable. But I don’t do it because they’re family and I know it’s more complicated than that. This book really validated that for me in important ways.
I fully support cutting ties with someone you feel is toxic and brings nothing but sadness and negativity to your life. However, like Jamison, I refuse to believe that unfriending, unfollowing, and shutting out folks whose viewpoints are different than us in ways that we feel are immensely problematic is helpful at all.
And that’s what I loved about this book. Jamison paints a picture of the challenges of doing this work through language that is at times cheeky, frank, self-deprecating, and lovely. I felt like he was talking to me over coffee as we talked with one another about these shared experiences. I can’t tell you how much I loved and whole-heartedly recommend this book.
On more than one occasion I have felt guilty for not cutting ties with my Trump-supporting family. And don’t even get me started on anti-vaxxing. Through various conversations, I have done my best to discuss my position and explain the issues I take with Trump and his various problematic statements, views, and policies. They have done the same. Most of us have refused to change our minds.
I somewhat understood where my family were coming from during his run - much like Jamison’s dad and the folks they met along their journey, a lot of my family are farmers and factory workers who miss and lament the days where you could make a pretty good living off of work like that. When it was reliable and there weren’t layoffs around every corner. They were tired of feeling like all other politicians didn’t care about and insisted on talking down to them. They wanted someone who talked to them like they would talk to one another - shooting straight without sugar-coating, and they believed that Trump fit that bill. It wasn’t that they necessarily agreed with his racist, homophobic, ableist, and misogynist comments and beliefs, it was that they were willing to overlook those in favor of returning jobs and much needed capital to their lives and families.
As Jamison points out, conversations around these topics are emotional labor and sometimes it’s okay to pick and choose your battles. It takes a lot of effort sometimes to engage in dialogue rather than just unfollowing family members whose posts feel offensive and/or represent viewpoints that I find untenable. But I don’t do it because they’re family and I know it’s more complicated than that. This book really validated that for me in important ways.
I fully support cutting ties with someone you feel is toxic and brings nothing but sadness and negativity to your life. However, like Jamison, I refuse to believe that unfriending, unfollowing, and shutting out folks whose viewpoints are different than us in ways that we feel are immensely problematic is helpful at all.
And that’s what I loved about this book. Jamison paints a picture of the challenges of doing this work through language that is at times cheeky, frank, self-deprecating, and lovely. I felt like he was talking to me over coffee as we talked with one another about these shared experiences. I can’t tell you how much I loved and whole-heartedly recommend this book.
March 28, 2021
I received this e-ARC book from Netgally in exchange for an honest review
Please read the blurb of the memoir as this is only my opinion.
Trigger warnings: as you can imagine from the title of the book there's plenty of homophobia, sexism, racism, classism, political talk (set in the 2016 USA elections) there's a bit of child neglect, and a plethora of toxic masculinity. So stay away of any of those would trigger you.
I have never read a memoir about someone I wasn't familiar with before. So it's hard to read about someone's life without having any real connection to that person or previous knowledge of their work.
The writing style is really good and flows very nicely, taking you to places and tangents and going into intimate memories and writing you back to 2016. It was a very nice ride and I particularly enjoy the fact that is a father and son bonding road trip which I haven't read enough of. Having said that I felt kind of confused as it took place in only four days, but it felt it more like four weeks.
I was in a online book presentation with the author and thought this guy is very interesting and I got curious about the work on The facing project. Spending a bit of time getting to know person behind the book helped me finishing the story faster.
Unfortunately I didn't feel there was much of a connection with the author as I found some parts of the book kind of problematic. Mainly the fact that he preferred to accept someone thinking he had Italian roots, rather than correcting the people and be proud of his Native American family history. Or believing that having a Cartier bracelet and designer clothing makes him better than the people he was surrounded by in this road trip.
Please do note that he talks constantly about his roots and even goes to the graves of part of his family, but by the end of the book I didn't feel he actually was proud of that side of his history even when is mention is only at the end in a quick line that nearly gets lots amongst political talk.
This book is going to touch people differently and in so many ways and so many levels because it's well written, and is real, I think it's kind of ironic that many people can relate to being marginalised, or segregated, it saddens me. That I disagree with some of the author’s perspectives, and judgments doesn't make a bad read. It somehow, at least for me, made it richer, as it made me think and reflect.
I'd love to see and read more reviews on this book.
Please read the blurb of the memoir as this is only my opinion.
Trigger warnings: as you can imagine from the title of the book there's plenty of homophobia, sexism, racism, classism, political talk (set in the 2016 USA elections) there's a bit of child neglect, and a plethora of toxic masculinity. So stay away of any of those would trigger you.
I have never read a memoir about someone I wasn't familiar with before. So it's hard to read about someone's life without having any real connection to that person or previous knowledge of their work.
The writing style is really good and flows very nicely, taking you to places and tangents and going into intimate memories and writing you back to 2016. It was a very nice ride and I particularly enjoy the fact that is a father and son bonding road trip which I haven't read enough of. Having said that I felt kind of confused as it took place in only four days, but it felt it more like four weeks.
I was in a online book presentation with the author and thought this guy is very interesting and I got curious about the work on The facing project. Spending a bit of time getting to know person behind the book helped me finishing the story faster.
Unfortunately I didn't feel there was much of a connection with the author as I found some parts of the book kind of problematic. Mainly the fact that he preferred to accept someone thinking he had Italian roots, rather than correcting the people and be proud of his Native American family history. Or believing that having a Cartier bracelet and designer clothing makes him better than the people he was surrounded by in this road trip.
Please do note that he talks constantly about his roots and even goes to the graves of part of his family, but by the end of the book I didn't feel he actually was proud of that side of his history even when is mention is only at the end in a quick line that nearly gets lots amongst political talk.
This book is going to touch people differently and in so many ways and so many levels because it's well written, and is real, I think it's kind of ironic that many people can relate to being marginalised, or segregated, it saddens me. That I disagree with some of the author’s perspectives, and judgments doesn't make a bad read. It somehow, at least for me, made it richer, as it made me think and reflect.
I'd love to see and read more reviews on this book.
March 1, 2023
J.R. Jamison’s Hillbilly Queer is a memoir exploring pivotal moments in his life as a gay man and as the son of a conservative, midwestern man. The bulk of the story follows a trip J.R. and his dad take to his dad’s hometown in rural Missouri for a high school reunion. This trip takes place alongside the peak of the 2016 campaign for U.S. president. The long hours spent in the close quarters of vehicles, motel rooms, and one impromptu four-wheeler ride expose cracks in the seemingly solid foundation of J.R. and his dad’s relationship. Hearing his praise and support of Trump leads J.R. to question everything he thought he knew about his father. I think this is such a relatable experience for so many people. Especially those of us who live in rural, densely conservative areas. J.R.’s uncomfortable feelings toward his father’s beliefs force him to reckon with an essential question present throughout the book: How can he not accept his father for his beliefs when his father so easily accepted him for being gay? Outside of this question, this book explores issues of racism, classism, group think and homophobia. J.R. weaves in the story of his great grandma and grandpa. His great grandpa being white and his great grandma being Black and Native American. It was so interesting how his grandmother’s story of “passing” as white in a way ran parallel to J.R.’s own story of “passing” as straight. I say this because neither of them actually “passed”. Everyone in their communities called them out. It was only those closest to them that insisted they were white and straight respectively. In a sense, the only people willing to see them for what they truly were were those who were willing to hate them for it. They were in such a hateful and confused society that those that loved them had to choose to not see who they really were to make loving them easier. It begs to question how different their lives would’ve been if they were taught to embrace these attributes instead of hiding them. How different might have J.R.’s dad been if he had grown up proud to have a Black great grandmother? How different might J.R.’s life have been if he had grown up in a setting where he was comfortable in his sexuality at a much younger age? (The nail polish story was so sad and beautiful and made me sob driving down the interstate.) At its core, this is a story about seeing each other for everything we are and loving each other in spite of and because of it all no matter how hard that may be. Hillbilly Queer is a wonderful, thought-provoking memoir. This is definitely a story that everyone will interpret differently through their own lived experiences. There are so many other nuggets of truth and messily packaged life lessons hidden in this book. I encourage you to read it. (I had the audio version of this book which is read by the author. I highly recommend this version) Thanks to NetGalley and OrangeSky Audio for this ARC.
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