Decoding Boys: New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons

by Cara Natterson

“If you’re raising a boy, you need this brilliant book. It is clear, wise, and eye-opening.” —Lisa Damour, Ph.D., author of  Untangled

When boys enter puberty, they tend to get quiet—or at least quieter than before—and parents often misread their signals. Here’s how to navigate their retreat and steer them through this confusing passage, by the bestselling author of The Care and Keeping of You series and Guy Stuff : The Body Book for Boys.

What is my son doing behind his constantly closed door? What’s with his curt responses, impulsiveness, newfound obsession with gaming, and . . . that funky smell? As pediatrician and mother of two teenagers Cara Natterson explains, puberty starts in boys long before any visible signs appear, and that causes confusion about their changing temperaments for boys and parents alike. Often, they also grow quieter as they grow taller, which leads to less parent-child communication. But, as Natterson warns in Decoding Boys , we respect their increasing “need” for privacy, monosyllabic conversations, and alone time at their peril. Explaining how modern culture mixes badly with male adolescent biology, Natterson offers science, strategies, scripts, and tips for getting it right:

• recognizing the first signs of puberty and talking to our sons about the wide range of “normal” through the whole developmental process
• why teenagers make irrational decisions even though they look mature—and how to steer them toward better choices
• managing video game and screen time, including discussing the unrealistic and dangerous nature of pornography 
• why boys need emotional and physical contact with parents—and how to give it in ways they’ll accept
• how to prepare boys to resist both old and new social pressures—drugs, alcohol, vaping, and sexting 
• teaching consent and sensitivity in the #MeToo culture 

Decoding Boys is a powerful and validating lifeline, a book that will help today’s parents keep their sons safe, healthy, and resilient, as well as ensure they will become emotionally secure young men.

Praise for Decoding Boys

“Comforting . . . a common-sensical and gently humorous exploration of male puberty's many trials.” — Kirkus Reviews

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Science, Psychology, Health, Family

256 pages, Paperback

First published February 11, 2020

About the author

DR. CARA NATTERSON is a leading voice in puberty and adolescent health. A pediatrician, speaker, and the co-host of the This Is So Awkward podcast, she is the author of ten books including the bestselling This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained and the New York Times bestselling "The Care and Keeping of You" series.

When her own kids started puberty, Cara founded Less Awkward, the first company aimed at making puberty less cringey and more comfortable with both product and content. These days, puberty starts between 8-10 for most kids and it lasts a decade. The kids going through it and the adults helping them all deserve less cringe and more joy, which is why everything Cara does delivers crucial information in a relatable, reliable way.

Cara graduated from Harvard college and Johns Hopkins Medical School, trained at UCSF. She has two college aged kids and lives in Los Angeles.

Reviews

[Janalee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm fully qualified to read this book because I have 3 teenage boys plus I loved the cover with its filthy tennis shoes because same same same.

This book explained to me why my boys go quiet/sullen, are angry, aggressive, etc. It also addressed potential dangers and helps for addictive behavior with food, porn, gaming, screens, etc.

Notes:

*They go quiet, but also rage. Have deep thoughts but are impulsive. Steeped in a culture of violence and sex at increasingly younger ages. (usually starting at 10-11, which is when they start hitting puberty and also when they are usually given access to their own screen with its unlimited and often harmful content).

*Tips for talking to boys that I found helpful: Avoid eye contact - talk in the car or when you're working or at night when the lights are off. "Literally not seeing each other can open the floodgates." so true.

*When testosterone levels increase, you will see "new or exaggerated personality traits, particularly ones related to power and dominance." Roman. It can create a triangle of anger, impulsivity, and sadness.

*By the time the boy is 14, there should be signs of puberty (a doctor can check testicle size which is a top indicator even if other signs aren't present). They won't admit to it but boys get worried when they don't appear to be hitting puberty along with their peers. which can lead to isolation and depression. Going quiet.

*She gave a great example of how kids - despite being drilled and taught about procedures like not opening the door to strangers, for example - simply cannot be trusted to follow directions because they are just too impulsive. This was true for us with the door opening. We drilled them and they still would always open the doors when we were gone, to whoever was out there knocking.

*The brain isn't developed until as late as age 30. This is why teens need rules and to be told no. They may agree with every limitation and rule the parents explain to them and truly mean it at the time. But surround them with their friends and it goes out the window in many cases. Yep, this happens all the time with my boys. "They aren't hardwired to weigh the long-term implications of their actions, particularly when faced with short-term pleasures."

*However the emotional part of the brain is mature in the tween years. They just don't have the advantage that adults have - a balance between the two centers.

*They are more willing to take risks because they don't anticipate consequences. This is why I shouldn't be impressed they my teens have always zipped around on freeway systems with confidence at age 16 when those same freeways can make adults nervous. It's not because they are more adept, it's because they are just more fearless and invincible.

*Teach your kids all of this. If they can understand their own development, their feelings and behavior will make sense to them. They know they always feel like this. And it helps them make smarter decisions.

*Start early with sex talks - the first to inform them is who makes the biggest impact. Whether it's graphic internet content or friends or parents. Don't demonize it - that won't delay their involvement but it will add layers of shame which will haunt them later.

*These days we should always cover the legal part of sex - consent, legal dangers of sending nudes or even the consequence of having a nude picture of yourself on your own phone. It's being in possession of child porn EVEN if it's yourself.

*Teaching about porn - It's portrayed these days as really violent and ugly and demeaning to women - and if this is their teacher and they think this is normal, think of the damage to future relationships. "It's normal for me to want to strangle you during sex!" And yet females buy into it and go along with it because they too, watch this and think this is what boys want and expect. (Think of all the abuse that is more likely to happen to girls now.) After watching all of this, males have a hard time going to "boring sex" and can't even perform. The porn industry targets young people precisely because they are more likely to get addicted due to their developing brains (neurons, connections, and myelin sheaths explained in great detail). If they can get them hooked, more money for a lifetime for them. Just like nicotine marketed to kids. I think just explaining these motives would really help teens make smarter decisions. They like to be in on outsmarting and not falling for tricks.

*Body image: Just as real for boys, they just don't talk about it. They are worried about weight, being too thin and not buff. They buy into the supplement, powder business to perfect their body.

*Addictions - lots of talk about addictive personality and what factors lead to addictions. 50% genetics and then a mix of exposure, resiliency, and culture. Because their brains are forming, their pathways are soft and malleable. But because of this, you can fill in those spaces with good things like learning skills, sports, feeding their interest so that there isn't time for them to feed their brains with too many screens, vaping, games, etc. In other words, keep them busy their whole teenage-hood until their brains are on track. DELAY. "Learning a skill and learning addiction are really not that different".

*And lots more. I can't write out the whole book for you.

Mostly I highlighted up several chapters in the book and will be sitting down and just straight up have very frank, ongoing talks with them. Referring back to this book often. Very valuable.

This book was an ARC.

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

Note: I received a free ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

So I'm in a weird position to review a book about "the subtle art of raising sons" because I'm actually raising three daughters and have no sons (and let's just say if I somehow end up raising any, some really weird stuff has happened in my life).

Nevertheless, I agreed to do this review because free book, obvi. But also because after having read and loved Untangled by Lisa Damour, I was curious whether the expert advice to parents of tween and teen boys would differ much from that given to girls – and also with the understanding that teen boys end up being the friends and boyfriends of teen girls, and therefore of more than passing interest to the fathers of said girls.

Perhaps not surprisingly, much of Cara Natterson's advice for parenting boys applies across the board to girls, too. She says as much in her introduction, where she describes her frustration with getting a book like this published despite the fact that a plethora of books for girls are out there, and they are largely applicable for boys, with the obvious exception of a chapter or two each.

To the extent this is specifically about boys (other than the parts about penises and testicles), Natterson describes how society has uncritically accepted the (false) idea that boys/men should be allowed to withdraw and get away with not discussing their fears and feelings. Thus, over and over, Natterson encourages parents of boys to talk, talk, talk to them. She provides helpful tips for doing that at the end of each chapter, and as I expected, they apply to any parent of any tween or teen – even if the subject matter might be sex-specific.

And if this book does indeed fill a hole in the market, it's well timed, as it's become increasingly clear that boys are in crisis, swamped in a rising tide of violent, oversexed, toxic masculinity as chronicled recently in The Atlantic and elsewhere. To the extent this has festered because society has assumed boys should suppress and silence their emotions and feelings, Decoding Boys provides a welcome rejection of the status quo, not to mention a path away from it.

Overall, Natterson writes in a conversational, engaging style that makes parents feel like, hey, maybe they can do this hard thing after all. She doesn't flinch from difficult subjects – like addiction, porn and guns – which makes it easier for parents to imagine themselves facing them, too.

If you're the parent of tween or teen boys, I absolutely recommend this book – especially as it apparently fills a much-needed gap in the market at a time when boys are crying out for help.

[Lorilin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, buckle up, friends. I hope you’re ready to talk about penises and porn! Decoding Boys takes an in-depth look into what happens to boys during puberty, as well as the major issues they deal with in the process. The book is divided into 11 sections. Sections 1 through 3 explain the actual physical process of puberty—what hormones are being released, when, why, and what they do. Major eye-opening moment for me: boys usually begin the process of going through puberty around age 10!

Section 4 talks about the “normal” range of timing for these changes, specifically focusing on what to do if your son is a late bloomer (i.e., he hasn’t even begun the process of maturation by age 14). Section 5 is basically a heads up that your son’s brain is the absolute last thing to mature (but we all knew that, no offense, guys).

At this point, the book switches focus and begins addressing social and relational topics concerning puberty. Section 6 gives advice on how to talk to boys about sex. The key point here is it’s an ongoing conversation that emphasizes love and acceptance, not fear or judgment.

Section 7 is all about porn, nudes, and consent, and dear Lord it had me sweating. By 8th grade, most boys have seen porn—and usually a lot of it. This isn’t a moral shortcoming of kids or parents. The porn industry is gigantic and well-funded, and it is always marketing, marketing, marketing. Most boys don’t even seek out porn at first; they stumble upon it. The most important thing parents can do is talk to their kids about it. Talk about child porn. Make sure kids know that if minors take naked picture of themselves, send those pictures, receive those pictures, and/or redistribute those pictures, those are all separate counts of possession or distribution of child pornography, all with their own punishments. Kids need to know what to say if someone asks them for a nude or sends them one. They also need to know about consent—not just “no means no,” but also that there needs to be two enthusiastic yeses. And even though the topic can be awkward or even scary for parents, remember to be accepting, go slowly, and just generally be available to answer whatever whenever.

Section 8 is a fascinating look at the body issues boys face. I hadn’t really stopped to consider that, just like girls, boys often feel like they have to live up to an “ideal body type.”

Section 9 is about addiction, how kids are more susceptible to it because their brains aren’t fully formed yet. A parent can do a lot just by delaying access to potential addictions, like porn, video games, drugs, gambling, etc. And sometimes parents will need to be the fall guy, need to be the hard “no” that kids need to avoid potentially dangerous situations.

Section 10 talks about aggression and violence. This is a subject worth devoting entire books to (and many good books out there have), but author Cara Natterson does a good job of covering some interesting highlights of what is often, unfortunately, a boy-centered issue.

Section 11 reads more like an appendix, listing answers to some of the main questions that pop up for boys during puberty—for example, how to decrease acne, grow taller, manage hair growth, manage moodiness, etc.

I know this is the longest review ever, but, wow, what a fantastic book and resource! I learned a lot about my son and actually feel better equipped to successfully navigate the next few years with him. Wish me luck!

Big thank you to Ballantine Books for the ARC!

See more of my book reviews at www.bugbugbooks.com!

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book started out well, and I'm still hopeful about her book for boys specifically. I bought it for my son who read it, and I want to read it and then use it to spark some conversations. But all in all, I agree with the reviews that said this book spent more time on the science. Although it was less the science than the background for each chapter or major section. Sometimes this is science or quasi science; other times it's stats; and other times it's a history lesson around the advent of social media or violence.

I get it, boys mature at different rates. I didn't need 20+ pages to explain it and all the biology behind it. I also don't think that my son would benefit from me talking to him ad nauseam about why he's a late bloomer (if he is). There is some value in the why for sure, and the idea that there's a time when you may want to get medical advice. But I could have had a MUCH shorter intro and then turn the focus to the actual work of raising a son. Instead, we get the meat in the last few pages of every chapter which isn't really a lot. And each of those sections repeats itself so after a while so the meat gets less "meaty" as you move through the book.

It took me some time to read this book because I had to wait for it from the library a second time. It didn't catch me the first time but I did want to give it a chance.

All in all, not worth the time I spent reading it, and I'm not sure how many parents would really need all of this information. If you want to know about the why behind male puberty, this is probably not a bad read. But if you're actually hoping to get some guidance on how to deal with puberty in your son (the art of raising a boy part) then you're going to find it falls short. IMO.

[Abby · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Can you tell I’m preemptively panicking about the likelihood of being a mother who can only bear sons?) An excellent, if slightly scary, overview of all that puberty has in store for boys, from an insightful pediatrician and author of Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys (which I will definitely purchase for my dudes in about seven or eight years). It is too early for me to be worrying about this now, but I appreciated Natterson’s expertise and the gentle way she emphasizes how much we sell our boys short during these turbulent years. We talk plenty to our girls, but we let our boys languish in silence behind closed doors when it comes to their bodies, sex, porn, violence, drugs, and so forth. Time to do better for our boys.

[Wai Yip Tung · Rating 1 out of 5]

The book opens with an intriguing observation that, as boys begin puberty, they tend to turn inward and become quiet to the parents and the family. It argues that while girls get most of the attention as in their puberty due to the more visible physical and emotional change, boys’ changes are just as important and should not be neglected.

The author speaks from a point of view of an experienced pediatric partitioner. She tends to drown the readers with information and statistics, but not much of personal stories. The whole time it did not present the voice of the boys themselves, nor was there much input from the parents.

I am most disappointed about the lack of practical advice in the chapter about sex. It emphasizes the importance of parents to talk to their children. Avoiding the subject only means they get their distorted information from their peers and porn. This is not a difficult sell. But the hard part is not if we should talk, it is how to talk. Given our culture treat sex as private and a secret, we don’t talk about them openly, much less to our adolescene children. I want to find some script to use. I want to hear about other people’s stories of how they open up. It means very little to encourage us to talk without offering tools to overcome the cultural barrier.

Given the subtitle of the book is “New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons”, with the emphasis on subtle and art, I was unprepared for the direction the book is taking. About three quarters of the book is focused on calling out and struggling against all kinds of problems adolescence boys are susceptible to, anything from sex, drugs, violence to indulgence on digital devices. These issues are not unwarranted. But I don’t want them to be the dominant theme. When I think about raising sons, I want it to be more about guiding them to grow up and to live a fulfilling life. In this sense, this book does not have what I am looking for.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this because I have two sons, and it’s a solid enough resource, if extremely heteronormative... but I was uncomfortable with how glibly the problems of girls in puberty were elided. I get that a puberty book for boys was more of a marketing problem for this author... but the fact that there are more resources for girls in puberty doesn’t mean that girls have equal access to reliable information or easily navigate those changes.

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This spring, my 13-year-old's voice suddenly dropped an octave (maybe more). My neighbor/friend was slightly alarmed when it sounded like his stepdaughter (who I often refer to as my third child, because she's so tight with my sons) was video-chatting (the preferred form of communication in a pandemic) with a 40-year-old man. Luckily, gaming with his younger brother keeps him in common living spaces during some of his free time, but his bedroom door is often closed. Knocking often elicits a response of "What?," although I express my appreciation when he says, "Yes?" instead. Left to his own devices, he will sleep well past noon. (I won't mention the state of his T-zone.) We have definitely entered the world of puberty.

Dr. Cara Natterson breaks down all the scientific explanations for the deep voice, the acne, the nocturnal schedule (and nocturnal emissions), and all the other "fun" changes that come with puberty. More than that, she stresses the importance of talking to boys about what's happening to them physically and socially/emotionally (relationships, porn, peer pressure, etc.) even when it seems like they don't want to talk. I like how she emphasizes that there's no "one and done" version of "the talk," that it needs to be an ongoing conversation. I'm a huge advocate of open communication with kids and taking advantage of "teachable moments." Those awkward conversations are so much easier to have when there's an opener, even if you don't feel entirely prepared. Even if it's super awkward for both of you. "Hey, did you know that 80% of men report having experienced wet dreams?" (I cannot wait to bust that statistic out!)

This book is a great resource for parents. Dr. Natterson covers everything in detail, but then summarizes each subject with main points you should be covering with your son. (A lot of the material is relevant to daughters, too, but she points out that there's a lot more information available about female puberty.)

My son is scheduled to read American Medical Association Boy's Guide to Becoming a Teen next semester for school. Leafing through, it seems to cover a lot of the same material in a middle-school-friendly format, making it a good companion piece for this book.

Book #4 for Nonfiction November 2020

[Jonathan Karmel · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are no sources in the bibliography for Chapter 1, How to Talk To Boys. The author's main point is that boys become quiet and withdrawn during puberty/adolescence, and adults should do a better job of getting them to open up. Fair enough, but to what end?

It seems like the target audience of this book is moms who are completely unfamiliar with what boys and men are like. Didn't they have brothers or fathers or male friends? Where are the fathers of these boys? I recommend this book to any mom who feels like she doesn't understand her boy, especially if she doesn't have any men in her life who she can talk to about what men are like.

Yes, boys get pumped up on testosterone starting during puberty. Testosterone affects males throughout life. Boys like to wrestle like puppies. Boys are more likely to be physically competitive than girls. It is normal for men to want to stare at beautiful women and to want to have non-romantic sex. Men are more likely to be driven to accomplish specific goals. Men are more likely to be angry and violent. A man is much more likely than a woman to have a prolonged, single-minded focus on an object or system, tinkering with inputs in order to achieve a specific output goal. A man is more likely to become enraged. Men are generally more interested in plumbing than women. It is biologically normal for a boy to be laser focused on having sex and to want to look at images of naked people and masturbate.

I don't think the author "decoded" any of this. Nor did there appear to be any "new science" in this book. Maybe boys lock themselves in their room so they don't have to deal with their nagging, judgmental mothers.

Puberty starts when a boy's nuts start to grow. An orchidometer is a medical instrument used to measure the volume of testicles. Testicles are the main but not only producers of testosterone. At the time of puberty, androgen levels increase dramatically in males, and androgens mediate the development of masculine secondary sexual characteristics as well as the activation of spermatogenesis and fertility and masculine behavioral changes such as gynephilia and increased sex drive. Masculine secondary sexual characteristics include androgenic hair, voice deepening, emergence of the Adam's apple, broadening of the shoulders, increased muscle mass, and penile growth. Actually, I just cut and pasted that from Wikipedia. The author didn't talk about most of this stuff.

Teenage boys may be very intelligent, but they often are severely lacking in good judgment. The biological explanation in this book is that the thinking capacity is fully developed, but the brain is still unmyelinated. Apparently, without myelin the boy's brain lacks wisdom.

imho boys respond to rules of morality, such as those taught by all religions, or rules about how to have good character, such as those taught by the boy scouts, or rules about citizenship, such as those that used to be taught in civics classes. Boys often respond to non-emotional, philosophically-based ideas of justice that guide the way men act. Boys should not be told that it is not good enough to do the right thing, because they are feeling the "wrong" emotions. Boys are trying to figure out how to be masculine, how to be virtuous. Boys are often focused on having fun, being physically active and doing things that are interesting and exciting. Boys will follow fairly enforced rules that include consequences for breaking the rules. Boys enjoy goofing around and respond to adults who have a sense of humor. But I digress, the book didn't address any of these topics.

The chapter about having "the talk" struck me as bizarre. Any educated boy knows how animals mate from an early age. Seriously, do people still have difficulty explaining this to their sons? The hard part is talking about orgasming. This book doesn't even talk about a boy cumming for the first time in the chapter about "the talk," and then leaves any discussion about wet dreams to the last three pages of the book, which provide a completely clinical description of nocturnal emissions, without anything more. I will now decode what happens to a boy when he starts spooging. Then Again, Maybe I Won't. Judy Blume already did that in 1971. lol

I totally agree that 99% of all porn is perverted at best. But what about the other 1%? Porn really has no place in an adolescent's life? If you want boys to wait responsibly before having sex, don't they need tools to facilitate masturbation, which is healthy and normal?

Yeah, guys like to work out, but stay away from anabolic steroids. Good advice, but kind of obvious.

Guns, aggression, violence. Yes, problems, obviously. Not sure if this book has any solutions. "You should talk to your boy more" is kind of vague advice. I think the jury's still out on whether it is hurting kids that they play video games a lot. To me, I think the key is that they should not be doing that excessively by themselves. It is very possible to have fun playing Fortnite and Minecraft with your friends. In my opinion, that's better than watching Brady Bunch reruns in the afternoon after school, which is what I did when I was their age.

I totally agree that we need to have honest discussions with boys about addiction to drugs, alcohol, porn, the internet. I thought John Bradshaw's book, Healing the Shame that Binds You, was a good book about the interplay between how a child is raised and the propensity to addictive behavior. This book, meh.

The author seems obsessed with boy's body odor, as if she has some kind of complex related to her dissmell of adolescent boys. I don't expect the author to be like the Miss Lynn "Lassie" Honeywell, the gym teacher in Porky's who gets turned on by the smell of dirty socks and howls like a dog in heat but come on, the smell isn't that bad. Is it?

[Danielle Janzen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is refreshingly geared toward boys development (and as we are reminded many times NOT girls). It’s written by a pediatrician and is pretty scientifically based. Grateful I read this before my sons are going through puberty because I feel like I am better prepared to have meaningful conversations NOW about everything from physical changes, sex, pornography, gaming, drugs, violence and body image when he is more likely to want to talk to his mom. I appreciated the repeated theme of “talk to your son!!”, but I do feel like the author could have given more examples of possible conversations or talk tracks. So I’m left at the end of the book wondering “how?” a little bit. For that reason I knocked off a star. Other than that, this was a good start to educate this mom of 2 boys.

[Kelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

This really was a huge eye opener for me as a parent of two young boys and a middle school teacher. This is a must read for any parent of boys, no matter how old, but especially if they haven't hit puberty yet.

[Basic B's Guide · Rating 4 out of 5]

With very few books focused on boys development I was very happy to come across this book. The overall message was communication. Boys become quiet while going through puberty and it doesn’t have to be this way. I found this book especially helpful as a mother of 9 year olds. Very helpful in the preparation of the years to come. Pick this one up for helpful discussion tips with your sons.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would suggest reading before you need it--when your son is around 5 years old. The chapter about pornography was disturbing and was hard for me to get thru. I wish I would have read it sooner.

[Aisling · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good, well researched book which skews toward the parents who want all the scientific data (fair enough--the subtitle does fully disclose that this is all about the science) for how boys go through puberty and also how to handle the major issues that arise. That could be two different books. The author does a great job with the first (the data and science behind all the physical changes in both body and brain) but a slightly less good job at how to handle your new found knowledge. Ultimately the upshot for every issue is "talk to your boy." Yes, ok. But that is literally the advice for every challenge revealed (late blooming, porn, substance abuse, penis size etc) and while YES, obviously you should talk, I feel like there was no new information each time it was presented. I think this would be a great book for anyone with young boys (you need to learn this stuff earlier than you might think in order to be prepared) who appreciates learning the science behind the changes and what that means to you as a parent in trying to do your best to raise a healthy, happy boy.

[elise]

Whenever I see reviews of parenting books that say they’re too boring and scientific, I know it’s for me. Informative and candid, with much newer information/studies than I was expecting. If you already have background on adolescent psychology and development, it won’t add too much to your understanding, but still worth the read. It’s of course targeted towards parents with boys, but as always, I think information like this is great for anyone to learn. It’s not a very gender-expansive book, but I still appreciated the comparisons between boys and girls, and how we treat their experiences with growing up differently.

✧ ✧ ✧

≪reading 31 books for 31 days of january≫
╰┈➤ 1. funny feelings by tarah dewitt
╰┈➤ 2. winterborne home for vengeance and valor by ally carter
╰┈➤ 3. garvey’s choice by nikki grimes
╰┈➤ 4. ghost music by an yu
╰┈➤ 5. decoding boys by cara natterson

[Helena#bookdreamer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you netgalley for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
This book had a lot of interesting and compelling information on how puberty affects boys physically and emotionally. We are provided with lots of medical information on how these changes occured and how to begin an open dialogue with your son. I must admit it was a bit heavy on the medical piece and presented in a format that is not easily digestible. Overall an interesting text.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know how I ran across this book, but I'm very glad I did! I was pleasantly surprised to find it was written by a knowledgeable and experienced pediatrician who shared hours of valuable information including research and statistics, and discussed difficult, yet important issues in raising children in current times (girls too). Although some have reviewed this book as dry and boring, I was intrigued (and also feel I could have received CEUs for listening).

[Staci · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly important information. I found the chapters on physical puberty, talking about sex and addiction to be the most valuable. Even just reading the book gives you an “excuse” or opening to start the dialogues with your teen. “So I’m reading this book by this doctor and she says I HAVE to talk to you about a few things... let’s tackle one now...” A big takeaway is that you won’t need just one talk... you need constant conversation over periods of time.

[Danielle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Listening to this on audio, it’s so scientific and boring. Maybe come back to it another time.

[Liz Busby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely essential for parents of soon-to-be teen boys. I used Natterson's Guy Stuff book to teach my 5th and 6th graders about puberty last year, and this book is the perfect follow-up for grownups. Covering everything from body changes to moodiness to pornography, the overall message of the book is that we need to bring boy puberty into the light of day, as has been done for girls in the last few years.

I do disagree with her on the video game chapter. She doesn't put a lot of nuance between first person shooter bloodbaths and educational spelling games. And she lists only the least useful benefits of video games (hand eye coordination) and ignores all the great research of how (the right) video games can develop grit and relationships. For that info, I recommend the book Superbetter.

But overall, great information for parents heading into a whole new stage of parenthood.

[Tabi A · Rating 5 out of 5]

This may be one that I have to get a hard copy of to revisit throughout the teen years! The author/pediatrician Cara Natterson, is one of the writer's for the American Girl books the Care and Keeping of You. With this book she fills in the gap that exists with boy puberty and how to parent and brings up big issues to look out for, all the whole weaving science and data to back up her points.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is so much information here that will change how I discuss puberty when our son is older. I read the American Girl book about growing up when I was young, so I am happy to see this content created for boys and for their parents.

[Alyssa Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every parent of boys starting their tween years should read this book. This book takes an in depth look at what happens to boys during puberty as well as all of the issues they are facing today. This book both opened my eyes and scared the crap out of me!

[Jen St · Rating 4 out of 5]

This a tough book to read, because it gives you information that is emotionally and psychologically hard to absorb as a parent. However, I think it should be read. I did it in small parts so I didn't get too overwhelmed.

[Cassie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by my pediatrician after I expressed some problems with my boys and gaming. This book discusses SO much more than that and was very helpful for me! Highly recommend for anyone with a boy getting close to puberty (ages 8-9). Not everything the author said was applicable to our family, but a lot of it was.

[Sophia · Rating 4 out of 5]

We’re years away from puberty but this book was full of good information and I think I have a better handle on laying a framework for things we’ll encounter, rather than waiting.

[Nicole Fredericks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great info and kept me interested and nodding along!

[Blaire Malkin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provided a useful framework to think about the issues boys will confront as they enter adolescence and why they might react in certain ways. I appreciated the science behind these changes and the common sense suggestions on how to approach these conversations.

[Kara Durgin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read on all things adolescent-boys. I needed to read every bit of it...it just took me awhile to work through, thanks to very little alone time in 2020/1!

[Alicia Fenney · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned a lot, even if some of the learning was more anecdotal and biased (e.g. discussion of violent video games) than scientific or peer reviewed for a book written by a doctor. I definitely feel more confident on a topic that's been mostly a mystery my whole life!