***SPOILERS***
1. This took me so long to read because it was painful to get through. The writing was terrible, glossed over, one note, boring, had a weak plotline, had flat characters, and unbelievable details.
2. The bee information timeline:
-oh, this is really interesting!
-I’m learning a lot.
-okay, a little pretentious saying apiarist.
-this information isn’t weaved into the narrative enough for me. It’s an information dump.
-alright, enough with the bee terms.
-I mean, I get the symbolism of bees working hard for the honey and maybe that’s Trevor and Natalie having to wait on their relationship and learn patience????
-Over the bees.
- But I would rather read a textbook on bees than The Return by Nicholas Sparks
3. To be clear, I have been a Sparks fan since the beginning, but I threw this book across the room when I was finished. At least I learned about bees.
4. HE TOSSED JARS OF HONEY AWAY. Honey basically doesn’t go bad and for as much freaking time as this book spent on bees, are you kidding me? And then his grandpa’s furniture ended up in the dump?! Free to a good home, dude.
5. I hate that this book broke the fourth wall a few times, especially in the beginning. “...but more on that later.” YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY THAT. JUST LITERALLY TELL US LATER.
6. “The dog had teeth the size of bacon.” Like what? Just long pieces of tooth hanging down? Like tusks on a walrus. Wait. Would a pitbull with bacon teeth look like a walrus?
7. Speaking of information dump: the talk about PTSD, CBT, and DBT felt forced and like I was reading a textbook. And again, that would be more interesting than reading The Return.
8. I related to this: “Because who is ever really fixed when it comes to mental or emotional health? Life takes radical twists and turns, and hopes and dreams shift as people enter different phases of their lives?” I’ve been through a divorce, a breakup, homelessness, and lived in 7 different homes in the past two years. I’m finally finding my footing, but dealing with suppressed emotions and battling anxiety and depression have kicked my butt.
9. I did not care about the love story at all. Trevor was too full of himself and Natalie was annoyingly secretive for no reason. Like, just tell him about your husband. The whole town already knows. I realize Sparks used this to further the mystery, but it did not intrigue me in the slightest. The love was rushed anyway. There wasn’t even enough time for me to get invested in their love story because they weren’t telling each other anything truthful and only met like 3 times.
10. I hope Natalie is better as a florist than a cop because if she didn’t know to look online for missing persons, she’s an idiot.
11. Callie’s life is a country song: rare disease, runaway, brother killed, dad lost his job, family fighting, house burned down, mom got skin cancer, sold the house.
12. Okay, the whole Callie thing: She doesn’t speak the entire book, then with one word, she’s spilling her guts to Trevor. (I didn’t even remember Trevor’s name until I had to learn it for this review.) It was way too rushed at the ending, and by then, I wasn’t even invested in the story. I’d rather read about Callie’s life, honestly.
13. SO. CHEESY. “I want to remember our time together as if it were a beautiful dream. In the moment, it was powerful and real and completely transporting.”
14. Oh, there’s another fourth wall break. Cool. “If you don’t believe me, look it up,” says Trevor. If you are going to break the fourth wall, make it throughout the whole book as a thing you are doing. Not because you are just being a lazy writer.
15. Natalie talking out loud to her husband annoyed the crap out of me. It was obviously just to give the reader information, but it was way too obvious and cringy.
16. I was over Natalie’s martyr shtick. “Don’t ask me to come with you or I will. blah blah blah.”
17. Natalie talking about the school and yearbooks and maybe that’s how they can find Callie. Trevor: How did you come up with that? That’s brilliant!
Me: Literally anyone on this earth, children included, could have thought of that.
18: Trevor: Deciphers his grandpa’s last words and cracks the code
Natalie, a literal cop: What did it say?
Trevor: I’d rather not say.
19. If it isn’t obvious, I hated this book.