Before My Time: A Memoir of Love and Fate

by Ami McKay

WINNER OF THE ROBBIE ROBERTSON DARTMOUTH BOOK AWARD and the EVELYN RICHARDSON NON-FICTION AWARD

Weaving together touching scenes from her family history and her own life, Ami McKay's intimate and captivating memoir captures what it means to live fully even when you know your life may be cut short.

In 1895, Ami McKay's great-great aunt, a dressmaker named Pauline Gross, confided to a medical professor that she expected to die young, like many in her family before her. With her help, that doctor launched a family study that eventually led to the identification of the genetic mutation now known as Lynch syndrome, which predisposes its carriers to several types of cancer. In 2001, Ami was among the first to be tested for the syndrome. And now she's written the captivating story of how she, like her mother before her, learned to carry on with joy, with hope, and with a bold hunger for life in the face of an uncertain future.
Ami writes of her childhood, I listened to the women in my family tell stories of the past . . . sitting around the kitchen table with my mother, sometimes laughing until they cried, sometimes sobbing through words of grief. They spoke of relatives who lived before I was born--people who came from nothing, who faced great hardship, who died too young. The women in those tales stared down death, looked after the sick, and conversed with fate. They spread the truth through story, even when others didn't wish to hear it. This is how I learned that stories have power--to make sense of the world, to give voice to dreams, to nurture hope and banish fear.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Canada

320 pages, Paperback

Published March 30, 2021

About the author

AMI McKAY is the author of three bestselling novels–The Birth House, The Virgin Cure, and The Witches of New York—as well as the novella, Half Spent Was the Night. Her memoir, Daughter of Family G was named a CBC Best Book of 2019. McKay is also a playwright, composer, and essayist. Born and raised in the Midwest, she now lives in Nova Scotia.

Reviews

[Hope · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ami, I feel like I can call you by your first name because after reading this intensely personal memoir, I feel like I know you.

This is not just a story about cancer. It is an exploration of fear, love, morality, mortality, strength, joy, sadness, and beauty.

Thank you for sharing the stories of the amazing women you have descended from, respectfully and carefully, moving between the past and present with ease.

And ultimately, thank you for writing your story so openly and honestly. You have carried a bright light to a scary place.

[Penny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Combination memoir and history of genetic research into cancer. The family memoir is touching, and the scientific stuff is fascinating and clear. I had no idea that the beginning of that research was rooted in eugenics, or how widespread and persistent those views were. However abhorrent that is, at least it lead eventually to something good.

[Lorraine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book when it was first released as Daughter of Family G. This time I got the audio book from the library and started listening and the memoir of Ami McKay's experience with Lynch Syndrome and life is heartfelt and eloquent. I listened from start to finish as Ami herself reads her book aloud. I wish Ami and her family well and thank her for telling her story.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a fan of Ami McKay's fiction, so was excited to get to know her a bit better through this memoir. She did not disappoint. She writes with such lyricism and beauty, and weaves a bittersweet, painful, compelling story of her ancestry in this work. She is courageous in her sharing of such raw, intimate thoughts, feelings and family moments, and I pray for her (and her family's) continued health and happiness.

[Shelley · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I decided to read this book because I liked The Birth House, written by this author. I learned a lot about Family G, genetics, and cancer research in this one and admire her beliefs and attitudes in dealing with Lynch Syndrome. Letting us in to her family’s private world felt like a privilege and I liked the photos mingled throughout the book. Eugenics controversies came into play during Family G’s earlier days and spilled over into modern society’s racial ideas. How sad that research to understand and help a family and cancer research could turn so ugly. I did not like the writing style of bouncing from one time period to another and got confused sometimes but overall it was a pretty good read.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I definitely recommend this book! It was a very compelling read, having me pulled into the story. I wanted to know all about the family and learn more.

This book has me thinking about how we record our life events. A lot of Ami’s info came from news articles. We don’t even have a local paper anymore, someone would need to read old Facebook posts to know what happened in the past these days!

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly well-written memoir that perhaps reads like a medical thriller and historical fiction. Every chapter, every page, is captivating. Any author that can get a reader up off her chair to google Melissa Manchester’s “Come in from the Rain” is brilliant, in my opinion. Pauline lived in a country/time when people promoted eugenic principles (the belief that undesirable traits should be removed by selective breeding). Every life has value, no matter its length. There are plenty of octogenarians who have contributed less to society than some of the teenagers I know.

Although Pauline may not have seen the benefit from her work, she’s led the way to much research and the saving of many lives. Thank-you, Ami McKay, for sharing your family's story and your heart with strangers.

I won a paperback copy of this story in a Goodreads' giveaway and this is my honest review. Following are two excerpts from the book:

Pauline can’t help but wonder if her cousin would’ve been better off staying at home. She would’ve had more time with her daughters. Died peacefully in her own bed, on her own terms. It’s been nearly three years since she’d first confessed her family’s woes to Dr. Warthin, and Pauline’s not sure anything good has come from it.

Laying the papers aside, he says, “I feel I must repeat what I’ve made plain to you in the past. Those born into families with a susceptibility to cancer should think long and hard before getting married and having children.”
Though his tone is matter-of-fact, she can’t help but feel he’s looking down his nose at her kin. She won’t have it. Their contributions have been great. Their lives have value. “Much can be accomplished, even when life is short,” she replies.
“But if suffering can be avoided,” he counters. “For the sake of the race.”

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up on a sale table in a book store only because I recognized the author from The Birth House which I had liked. I had no idea what this was about, didn't even realize it was non-fiction memoir. And I found it so interesting and fascinating! Ami McKay has Lynch syndrome which means she carries the gene for several different cancers. She deep-dived into her family tree and discovered a huge number of her ancestors had suffered from and died from cancer, particularly colon and endometrial cancers. The book jumps around in several different time settings, and tells the story of researchers who studied genetics, Ami's earlier family members, and her own mother who carried the gene. She writes in an easy-to-read format, explains the science in layman's terms, and has lovingly opened up her own story for all of us to read. Although at the book's writing she has not faced cancer herself, she is realistic but extremely hopeful.

[Ashley Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a self-identified science nerd, I absolutely adored this book. I think I enjoyed it even more as an audiobook read by Ami McKay herself. This book is spectacular, insightful, educational, and sad considering how many of her immediate family members and ancestors have died as a result of their abnormally high incidence of cancer in the family.

It was really interesting to read that their family was the first studied for family cancer susceptibility and how many of her family members agreed to donate to tissue samples and genetic testing in order to help determine the exact gene that causes their cancer incidence mutation. If you enjoy science, are intrigued by medical diseases and like memoirs, this "genetic memoir" is just the book for you.

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Memoirs can be hit or miss for me but i thought this was one of the best ones I’ve ever read. It’s possible i am biased since in 2020 my family found out we are carriers of the CDH1 gene mutation and that our family history of stomach cancer was hereditarily related. There were so many parts of the book that brought me to tears. I vividly remember exactly how I felt when the doctors office called confirming my diagnosis as a carrier of the mutation after I underwent genetic testing. I could feel the authors sense of unknown as she described waiting for her results as well as her children’s. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested not only in cancer research but genetics as well. ❤️

[Delfina Trevisan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir was given to me by Goodreads. The author educated me more on Lynch Syndrome and how her family has a long history of hereditary colorectal cancers which has been followed through by medical professionals through multiple generations.
The book was very honest about the fears of the author and her family members. Only negative comment was that the names of the author's sons were not used at all in this novel rather they were noted as eldest son or the kid which I can understand may be due to confidentiality however it lost some of the personal touch when this was done. Overall well written

[Tara Dominey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I grabbed this book without even reading the back because, well, it was an Ami McKay book and I've loved all her books I've read to date. 20 pages in I stopped and read the back. It was a heavy topic, I read to escape the heavy in life and I wasn't sure this book was going to fit the bill. I decided to keep going a bit more before making my final decision there. By page 80 I was hooked, invested in her family's history and needed to know more! I am so glad I stuck with this one! It made me feel every emotion as I read and when I flipped the cover shut for the last time I thought 'I need to embrace life to the fullest!'

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is partly a medical history of the discovery of hereditary cancers and partly a personal reckoning with loss and fate.  The blend of the two approaches really works well together.  I found the medical history fascinating and the personal memior intimate,  moving, and hopeful. I feel a sense of deep gratitude for being invited as a reader into Ami's inner thoughts, fears, and dreams. I highly recommend this memior. While the topic of cancer is somber, this is ultimately a hopeful book.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very interesting book but I did not like the writing style of jumping back and forth and side to side. It was difficult for me to keep the family line in my head. Maybe a family tree at the end of the book could have been helpful as a quick reference. That being said, it was still a very good book.

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook version and I absolutely loved it. Listening to Ami tell her family's/her story was so powerful and you could feel her reclaim her story as she was telling it. The family history and listening to all of the medical research was fascinating as pieces began to come together. A hugely compelling listen, highly recommend.

[Jill Boruff · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall well-written and a fascinating story! A learned a lot! However, parts were a bit long-winded and the dates got confusing when we were bouncing back and forth between two recent timelines (like 2001 and 2018).

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent and very interesting and informative. I learned a lot from this book about heredity cancers and the toll it takes on families. The information on eugenics was very eye opening. Ami tells a very personable tale and the emotional toll it takes on her.

[Helene]

OMG it was moving, and heart tugging.

[Abi · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Why couldn’t it end with me?”

My heart utterly broke with that question.

[Ngu · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great, inspiring read.

[Sandy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting read. Tragic family history.

[Cynthia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I usually like books that jump around in time, but this one didn’t work for me.

[Emily MacLeod · Rating 4 out of 5]

An extremely thoughtful, personal and interesting family history. I am a huge fan of Ami’s fiction and this non-fiction piece lived up to my expectations.

[Nicole Roccas · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is for you if you like: medical history; genealogy; irl family sagas; scientific paradigm shifts; optimism; family ties; the birth house; US expats in Canada.

[Kim Moore · Rating 1 out of 5]

To long

[Anika Martz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Paperback: I read this book for a work book club and I loved it! This was an awesome memoir that lined up with my career interests.