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The Humiliations of Welton Blake
Welton Blake has done it! He's asked out Carmella McKenzie - the best-looking girl in school - and she's only gone and said yes! But just as he thinks his luck is starting to change, Welton's phone breaks, kick-starting a series of unfortunate and humiliating events. With bullies to avoid, girls ready to knock him out and all the drama with his mum and dad, life for Welton is about to go very, very wrong ... Hilarity follows disaster in this sharp-witted tale of the trials of teen life from award-winning author Alex Wheatle.
138 pages, Paperback
Published January 7, 2021
5 people are currently reading
52 people want to read
About the author
Alex Wheatle
41 books198 followersAlex Alphonso Wheatle was a British novelist, who was sentenced to a term of imprisonment after the 1981 Brixton riot in London.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
November 27, 2022
Good enough Barrington Stoke. I don’t really have much to say except very British in tone, not sure kids here would relate, the slang isn’t what you’d hear here and so it is ok only. Alex Wheatle has done a lot better than this.
February 9, 2023
Absolutely great! I've never had a room full of students so engaged in a text.
December 21, 2020
Barrington Stoke don't normally have missteps as big as this. Peppered with Black British slang, and grinding you down with a Star Wars reference on every flipping page (at first at least), this shouldn't really appeal to the target audience of kids with reading difficulties like dyslexia. Our hero is kvetching and kvetching – nothing is going right with him, whether it be his line in verbal insults he sells for the picked-on to use, or his family life (mother bringing new partner into the fold, complete with son). Only the naive youngster should see this constant complaining acceptable – he just grouses and gripes and does naff all about anything. And then there's the ending.
The whole set of 'humiliations' is supposed to be in the way of Welton taking the hot girl at school to the cinema. Surprisingly, he manages this – and then the book stops. Nothing is resolved, it's not at all clear the date will be a success and they'll be a couple, and every other aspect of his life, especially his home situation, is left completely hanging. So we're supposed to believe this one fantastical film night is going to solve his life. That makes him about as full of agency as the Sleeping Beauty, and makes him about as interesting as someone from an ancient fairy tale. We need more these days, BS. So to counter any complaints I spoilt the ending of this book, pick your response – (a), there is no real ending, or (b), I wasn't the one who wrote it.
The whole set of 'humiliations' is supposed to be in the way of Welton taking the hot girl at school to the cinema. Surprisingly, he manages this – and then the book stops. Nothing is resolved, it's not at all clear the date will be a success and they'll be a couple, and every other aspect of his life, especially his home situation, is left completely hanging. So we're supposed to believe this one fantastical film night is going to solve his life. That makes him about as full of agency as the Sleeping Beauty, and makes him about as interesting as someone from an ancient fairy tale. We need more these days, BS. So to counter any complaints I spoilt the ending of this book, pick your response – (a), there is no real ending, or (b), I wasn't the one who wrote it.
September 28, 2021
This book was OK and contained some interesting ideas. Welton was an interesting character and I liked the idea of him selling insults to others (although I didn't think any of the insults he sold were any good). The book is posited as being funny but I didn't it that funny. I guess the humour is more slapstick which didn't translate to the page very well.
The book is easy to read and you find yourself wanting to know more about Welton and what is going on in his life and his interest in Carmella.
However, there was far too much in this book I did not like. The constant Star Wars references became so much that Welton seemed less of a fan and more of a Star Wars robot. As the book went on these really grated on me. Also, the story seemed a bit meh when you reached the end. The narrative began with so many plot points but as the book drew to a close they all hung there with no resolution. Like we had just picked up Welton's diary and then put it down after a week. Finally, I didn't like how any of the female characters were betrayed in this book. They all just seemed to exist for Welton to comment on their appearance and date them. Toxic masculinity or what. Just saying. Even teenage boys should know that's not all girls exist for. In a way, I think this book promoted a bad underlying message.
The book is easy to read and you find yourself wanting to know more about Welton and what is going on in his life and his interest in Carmella.
However, there was far too much in this book I did not like. The constant Star Wars references became so much that Welton seemed less of a fan and more of a Star Wars robot. As the book went on these really grated on me. Also, the story seemed a bit meh when you reached the end. The narrative began with so many plot points but as the book drew to a close they all hung there with no resolution. Like we had just picked up Welton's diary and then put it down after a week. Finally, I didn't like how any of the female characters were betrayed in this book. They all just seemed to exist for Welton to comment on their appearance and date them. Toxic masculinity or what. Just saying. Even teenage boys should know that's not all girls exist for. In a way, I think this book promoted a bad underlying message.
February 4, 2021
Welton Blake has done it - he's asked out Carmella McKenzie, the best-looking girl in school and she's only gone and said yes! But just as he thinks his luck, and life, is starting to change, Welton's phone breaks kickstarting a series of unfortunate, humiliating, and sometimes disgusting events. With bullies to avoid, girls ready to knock him out and all the drama with his mum and dad, life for Welton is about to go very, very wrong ...
No-one warned me how much I would laugh throughout this book.
Welton Blake is a completely lovable character who seems to invite catastrophe wherever he goes. This book does not try to be anything else and tells the story in a language that is aimed at young people who understand the everyday dilemmas of school parents and mobile phones
This book is laugh out loud funny with perfect comic timing - masterfully written by Alex Wheatle, it manages to combine hilarious slapstick with a moving story about the trials of navigating teen life storyline was complex enough to keep a reader constantly on their toes. It is written in the language that the young people in my youth group speak and the stuff about selling cusses was my absolute highlight.
I look forward to hearing more about Welton
No-one warned me how much I would laugh throughout this book.
Welton Blake is a completely lovable character who seems to invite catastrophe wherever he goes. This book does not try to be anything else and tells the story in a language that is aimed at young people who understand the everyday dilemmas of school parents and mobile phones
This book is laugh out loud funny with perfect comic timing - masterfully written by Alex Wheatle, it manages to combine hilarious slapstick with a moving story about the trials of navigating teen life storyline was complex enough to keep a reader constantly on their toes. It is written in the language that the young people in my youth group speak and the stuff about selling cusses was my absolute highlight.
I look forward to hearing more about Welton
January 15, 2021
If there's one thing this book has helped me to realise is that you couldn't pay me to live through high school again. The amount of drama, heartache, and feelings of your world coming to an end that the lead character feels in this book really made me remember just how heightened and crazy life as a teen is, and I'm so glad that part of my life is behind me.
Sadly, it's not for Welton Blake, who starts the book by doing something really big and scary, asking out the girl he fancies. Thankfully, this goes well for Welton, and Carmella McKenzie, the best looking girl in school, agrees to go out to the movies with him. Unfortunately, this is the only real time where things are going right for him for most of this book.
The next day he waked up to his phone having broke, and he can't message Carmella about their date. Worrying that things might have already been messed up it gets even worse for him as he throws up over a girl in class, gets beaten up by a bully, lands himself in detention, and that's just the first day. From here on out it's bad thing after bad thing for Welton, and it quickly feels like things are falling apart for the young teen. Like I said, it's 'end-of-the-world' stuff.
Over the course of the book readers get to see Welton trying to do everything he can to set things back on course for himself, but thanks to those pesky teen fears he doesn't do the simple of thing of just talking to the people he needs to, which just allows his own imagination to conjure up worst case scenarios for him, driving him mad.
Whilst as an adult I was able to look at a lot of what Welton was doing and found myself thinking if he just calmed down a bit and thought things through rationally he'd be okay, this is of course not what teens do, and I quickly found myself remembering equally as embarrassing and awful things from my own past. This is one of the best things about the book, the fact that it's so relatable. Even for someone like myself who's well out of the target age range of the book. Even though times have changed a lot since I was in school that sense of everything being so important, and every bad thing feeling like it was going to wreck your whole world is a fairly universal feeling, and is still one that teens today will know well.
Welton and his story will connect with a lot of readers. Even if you've never been in the exact same situations as Welton, you'll have experienced similar, and will be able to see some of yourself in this book.
This is the first Alex Wheatkle book that I've read, but I can see why he's such a beloved children's author, the book is incredibly relatable, and it's something that teens can latch onto. They can see themselves in these characters and situations, they can share in the embarrassment and shame, and see that despite this things work out well for Welton, and can see that if they just keep going and striving forward things will work out for them too.
Sadly, it's not for Welton Blake, who starts the book by doing something really big and scary, asking out the girl he fancies. Thankfully, this goes well for Welton, and Carmella McKenzie, the best looking girl in school, agrees to go out to the movies with him. Unfortunately, this is the only real time where things are going right for him for most of this book.
The next day he waked up to his phone having broke, and he can't message Carmella about their date. Worrying that things might have already been messed up it gets even worse for him as he throws up over a girl in class, gets beaten up by a bully, lands himself in detention, and that's just the first day. From here on out it's bad thing after bad thing for Welton, and it quickly feels like things are falling apart for the young teen. Like I said, it's 'end-of-the-world' stuff.
Over the course of the book readers get to see Welton trying to do everything he can to set things back on course for himself, but thanks to those pesky teen fears he doesn't do the simple of thing of just talking to the people he needs to, which just allows his own imagination to conjure up worst case scenarios for him, driving him mad.
Whilst as an adult I was able to look at a lot of what Welton was doing and found myself thinking if he just calmed down a bit and thought things through rationally he'd be okay, this is of course not what teens do, and I quickly found myself remembering equally as embarrassing and awful things from my own past. This is one of the best things about the book, the fact that it's so relatable. Even for someone like myself who's well out of the target age range of the book. Even though times have changed a lot since I was in school that sense of everything being so important, and every bad thing feeling like it was going to wreck your whole world is a fairly universal feeling, and is still one that teens today will know well.
Welton and his story will connect with a lot of readers. Even if you've never been in the exact same situations as Welton, you'll have experienced similar, and will be able to see some of yourself in this book.
This is the first Alex Wheatkle book that I've read, but I can see why he's such a beloved children's author, the book is incredibly relatable, and it's something that teens can latch onto. They can see themselves in these characters and situations, they can share in the embarrassment and shame, and see that despite this things work out well for Welton, and can see that if they just keep going and striving forward things will work out for them too.
March 17, 2021
Really rather funny and heartwarming. While supporting characters are a bit one-dimensional, Welton (the underdog hero of the story) is a really well developed character. He’s a total Inbetweener and a big Star Wars dork, but is gifted with the power of delivering solid burns. So many awful embarrassing things happen to him and he makes so many cringe moves, that it becomes farcical. A fun read for 11+.
September 19, 2021
This brought back lots of memories of how secondary school can be the worst place on the planet when you’re a teenager but Alex Wheatle delivers the storylines with such humour and he doesn’t go over the top with the exaggerations of Welton’s experiences. Fun read that also gives a great empathetic view into the life of a teenager in school and at home.
February 20, 2022
Great
A super novella. Due to the length, it lacked the interplay and development of his other novels, however great humour and great characters make this a great read and worthy of Alex Wheatle’s name. A great opener for younger readers, who may grow to read his more brutal novels.
A super novella. Due to the length, it lacked the interplay and development of his other novels, however great humour and great characters make this a great read and worthy of Alex Wheatle’s name. A great opener for younger readers, who may grow to read his more brutal novels.
May 16, 2021
It was ok. Decent story, but the standout thing is as the character names. They didn’t seem real. Coral Chipglider, Timothy Smotherham, Nicholas Fumbold. Bit strange tbh and it took away something from the story.
October 24, 2022
This kid was slow to arrive at any redeeming qualities. Self-centered, wimp, with some creativity. I like that he succeeded and stood up for himself and was a little gracious to his family by the end. I mostly appreciated the British accent in the audio book.
February 6, 2024
demasiadas referencias a star wars, y cuando digo demasiadas me refiero a más de 50, el libro es corto, las edades no se sienten bn, onda, tienen 12 pero todo se narra como si tuvieran como 16, a veces era muy obvio que fue escrito x un hombre
February 23, 2021
An Adrian Mole for our times - very funny!
December 22, 2021
I'm sure someone in the world will enjoy this book, but not me. Too many gross out jokes and not enough substance in the storyline.
May 4, 2023
Nice read , touched some sensitive topics even though it was for kids. I think I would have preferred it if I were a bit younger and male.
June 29, 2024
3 - 3.5 🌟 This was a fun read.
To live in the mind of a 12 year old boy is pure chaos!! Welton has a lot going on, and all he wants to do is get the girl.
To live in the mind of a 12 year old boy is pure chaos!! Welton has a lot going on, and all he wants to do is get the girl.
September 15, 2025
It is a fantastic book, highly recommended.
August 11, 2023
This was simply a hilarious short book about trying to be cool in junior high. Fortunately for Welton, he is cool already, he just doesn't know it yet. He's also covered in sick. Loved it.
May 14, 2022
Read for school.
August 31, 2025
⭐️ 3.0 STARS ⭐️
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews