People in Hell Want Ice Water

by Edan Lepucki

In People in Hell Want Ice Water—an eerie and suspenseful short story about connection, trust, and self-preservation—a random hookup amidst the COVID-19 pandemic brings two lonely people together when they need it most. Colin is an immunocompromised software engineer living alone in Los Angeles when he meets Martha on an early morning walk. She’s irreverent and mysterious, and although Colin knows better than to invite a stranger into his house, it’s been over forty days since he’s been touched, and he can’t resist the temptation. This decision upends his quiet and regimented life: Martha cooks them elaborate meals and uncorks bottle after bottle of wine until they stumble to bed drunk every night. Within days she’s moved in. As their relationship evolves, doubts creep in. Colin and Martha realize just how little they know about one another, and the secrets they each keep begin to come to light.

Genres: Audiobook, Short Stories, Fiction, Contemporary

Audiobook

First published December 17, 2020

About the author

Edan Lepucki is the New York Times bestselling author of the novels California and Woman No. 17. Her new novel, Time's Mouth, was published August 1, 2023.

Edan is also the editor of Mothers Before: Stories and Portraits of Our Mothers as We Never Saw Them. Her fiction and nonfiction have been published in Esquire, The Cut, McSweeney's, the Los Angeles Times, and the New York Times Magazine, among other publications. She was the guest editor of Best American Nonrequired Reading 2019.

She likes taking baths, reading, and filling out forms.

Reviews

[Karla · Rating 4 out of 5]

Story 4 stars**
Audio 4.5 stars**
Narrator Dan Bittner

[Shannon Mitrovich · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was entertained but this was not an ending. A very strange story with a lot of bad decisions. I mean, we didn’t even find out what happened to the gas cans or the neighbor.

[Dave Schaafsma · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to this on Audible because I had time on a train, it was one and a half hours long, it had a somewhat interesting title and features a cancer survivor, and I read cancer stories. The fact that I had no idea who the author was, thought she was a man writing a sort of cancer/pandemic memoir, only somewhat affected my upping my initial one star rating to two stars; in other words, I still disliked the story but thought it was interesting that she had created this story about two unlikeable people whom we can't in the least establish much empathy for.

The story is about a lonely sad computer program brain cancer survivor who becomes vulnrable to a woman who is a wine distributor. They drink anywhere from two to three bottles of her wine every night and they have sex constantly even though he knows nothing about her. It's just nioce because of his immunocompromised condition and Covid that he gets this human contact, I guess. He has no non-annoying relationships and not interesting ideas, and that is somewhat interesting. He seems believably (see the memoir point above) unlikable. I Read Phillip Roth, and Bukowski. I don't mind reading about unlikable characters, crafted well: from one to two stars for that.

When his dog and their neighbor goes missing he begins to suspect her, finds she isn't even named what he calls her in the throes of lust, but the ending is inconclusive. A loose end about the neighbor takes a point off, but there are other unresolved issues she should have at least pointed to in the end where he basically returns to where he was before he met this enigmatic? (no, badly crafted) "girlfriend". There is a decent point in here, I guess, about the vulnerability of those of us in Covid who might make bad life decisions.

[Sharon :) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Geez wish it was a bit longer 2 storylines are left unfinished!

[Mike Finn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Have you ever listened to a piece of music and found that, even though it was well-written and well-performed it never slid past your critical thought process to get your feet tapping or your emotions surging? 'People In Hell Want Ice Water' was the textual analogue of that for me.

The story is immediately accessible. It's told as a first-person account given by a character who never filters any of his thoughts. It's set in the hills above LA while the COVID-19 Stay At Home Order was in place and does a good job of evoking the emotional stress associated with the restrictions.

I found I believed completely in Colin and understood and accepted how he saw Martha.

I read the story to the end, carried along by the quality of the prose and because I couldn't see where the story was going. Unfortunately, the destination it arrived at had no meaning for me beyond 'So? Why should I care?'

I didn't like Colin or Martha. I would have hated to have been in quarantine with either of them. He was weak, whiney and self-pitying. She seemed shallow and transactional in her relationships. She used wine and drugs and sex to escape from reality or perhaps to substitute for it. I had no sympathy for either of them. Together, they were toxic. Which didn't make them tragic or even interesting. At least not to me.

I know that my dislike of Colin and Martha is a tribute to Edan Lepucki's skill but it did nothing for my enjoyment of the story.

[Morgan Lyons · Rating 1 out of 5]

Another COVID-related audible original not even worth the 40 minutes it took to listen to on double speed. Here's a 40 second recap instead. Lonely California man during quarantine meets random girl on his daily walk. She moves in with him and they drink wine together every night. Remarkably, their relationship quickly deteriorates and she either does or doesn't kill his dog...and his neighbor. Then she leaves, but surprise, the dog comes back. Turns out she didn't kill it after all. (We never find out about the neighbor.) The man is alone again, and he develops a dry cough. Is it COVID? We'll all be waiting with bated breath for the sequel.

[Christina Rothfusz · Rating 2 out of 5]

A short freebie on Audible.

Being isolated for weeks a immunocompromised man meets a women during he's early morning walk, within hours they are sleeping together and basically living together in days.

She does, or does not kill he's dog and he's neighbor and they break-up. Not much there.

[Crystal · Rating 2 out of 5]

edit: I think I was too harsh on this in my first review because Covid and lockdown are too close for me to have a more balanced perspective.

It was ok.

[Brooke Tomlinson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Idk what's worse: having finished this or the main character's lament for motorboating.

[Lorraine · Rating 2 out of 5]

Free from Audible. When selecting this short story, I was aware of the poor reviews from my fellow GR reviewers, but I thought given the times we live in it might be a good read. The story was so disappointing. Even as a free short story I would not recommend it.

[eman ^_^ · Rating 1 out of 5]

The only thing good about this story is the narrator.

[Mel Kenney · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's a DNF on my end.

Difficult to think he sleeps with a random stranger that he met on one of his daily walks while quarantined during the pandemic. He's hypervigilant about covid symptoms, especially with being immunocompromised. Therefore, this story made absolutely no sense!

DO NOT RECOMMEND.

[GollyRojer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an entertaining story all the way through. It held my attention and interest. My only objection is that there is a loose end that is not tied up by the finish. What happened to Grizelda (or whatever her name is? I've forgotten).

[Johnnie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is liking watching a train wreck. You can't look away but you don't want to see it!

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another free offering from Audible Original.

This is the story of a man living alone in a renovated, 600 square foot 'shack' in the hills of California with only a small dog for companionship. The time-frame is about a month and a half after the pandemic 'shelter at home' order. He's survived treatment for a cancerous brain tumor and isn't considered "cancer free" for another couple of years, so he's very conscientious about checking his oxygen and his temperature. He wears a mask even when walking the dog in the mostly barren landscape surrounding his home. There is only one neighbor nearby, an 80+ year old woman whose shack is just that: a tiny ramshackle building with only a fireplace for heat.

Our MC is walking his little dog in the foothills when he encounters a woman. She's friendly and they end up talking for a long time. And, despite her being maskless, he eventually gives in to desire and takes her home. In a matter of days, she's living there with him. They spend their time cooking meals, drinking, and having sex until the days are blurring together and our MC has forgetten his solitary and fastidious habits.

Then the woman has an altercation with the elderly neighbor. She casually admits she doesn't like the MC's dog who openly shows reciprocal feelings. When caught out, she admits the name she introduced herself with isn't really her legal name. However, despite misgivings and due to the lure of continuing companionship, hazy, drunken nights and sex, our MC ignores the fact he doesn't really know this woman at all.

The dog goes missing during an online business meeting when the woman let's him out to pee but forgets to let him back in. The neighbor is nowhere to be found, but a cassette tape she had in her truck is now in the woman's car stereo.

This is where I expected a real twist ending. Our narrator is clearly unreliable, so goodness knows what the facts are. And maybe that's what we got and I just needed to be led there by the hand? I don't know. All I do know is when I heard, "This has been an Audible Original..." it took me a moment to get over my confusion and disappointment.

If anyone wants to share their idea of what happened, I'd be happy to hear it!

[RatGrrrl · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm Exhausted, Grossed Out, and Confused

CW: Covid, Animal Abuse (Neglect and fears of death)

I don't even know where to start with this. I nearly DNF'd early on as the protagonist's initial interaction and thoughts about the antagonist caused Lynx/ Axe Africa and Kraft Cheese to emit from my tablet. This is my biggest confusion about the story -- both main characters are awful and truly unpleasant to spend any time with (beyond human empathy for health and pandemic stuff). The protagonist has a John Green/ one of his characters energy with a really creepy and kinda pathetic vibe (I get that he's been through a lot, but the Nice Guy creep baby boy energy is palpable) and the antagonist is pretty much manic pixie dream-come-nightmare girl. It's either brilliant or awful characterisation, but I can't tell. Regardless, peering into this window into their lives left me knackered and uncomfortable, so good job? Maybe?

Stories don't always have to have a political or philosophical perspective, but writing about Covid during the height of the pandemic about people flaunting the rules and an immuno-compromised person seemingly being portrayed as hysterical for being concerned doesn't feel great. Honestly, as someone whose partner and herself are both immuno-compromised and forced to maintain a certain level of eternal lockdown, this also hits different.

I have seen other reviews complain about threads not tied off and this is something I consistently see with short stories. Sometimes I agree, but more often than not and I this case the unanswered questions and ambiguity the reader is left with are the same as the protagonist. They are the narrator and sometimes it's effective to have the reader not know more than the narrator and/ or protagonist. In this case, without really spoilering anything, there is a level of mystery, confusion, and simple lack of information about a character that makes not knowing their actions. Actions, which can be plausibly denied by mundane means.

This was an unpleasant story and I don't know if I hated it or simply didn't enjoy it, so I can't recommend it. The quality of the prose and performance were both great nonetheless.

[J. · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is my third time giving Edan Lepucki a chance, and each time I just cannot seem to enjoy what she has written, and I can't tell if it's me or if she's just not a very good writer. I will also admit to hating stories, movies, or any other media about the COVID-19 pandemic and despite the fact that I acknowledge it was an ordeal we all went through globally that affected us and that it would make sense that writers would want to explore it, I would be a very happy person if I never read anything about it ever again.
The story centers on a single man living alone through the pandemic as he is also convalescing from his recent treatments for brain cancer. He and his dog Ping Pong live a regimented experience that is disrupted when a beautiful stranger named Martha storms into their lives. What begins as bliss turns sour and takes on a quasi threatening tone as the carefully constructed existence is deviated off course, to the point of discomfort.
And while that description may sound intriguing, it ends up being a whole lot of nothing. Lepucki seems to be much more interested in the COVID angle than anything else in the story, to the point that by the end that seems to be the final note the whole thing ends on. I did not like the plot, did not enjoy the writing style, and thankfully it takes only about an hour to read, so ultimately it's not a lot of time wasted.

[Robert · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an OK story about an idiotic liberal during the hoaxademic. A weak minded individual more in love with love than with the person they hooked up with and allowed themselves to lured into a trap. From my perspective, if I have a pet, the responsibility for that animal takes precedence OVER CHILDREN even as children have a sense of right and wrong. But this fool seems to be more concerned about being lonely and losing track of his responsibilities than being on guard all the time. Pity the fool. While the female in the story appears to be a manipulator one doesn't blame her--thought rightfully such a person deserves a "beating" for their ways---a good backhand as it were, but our protagonist is not that individual. Rather it begs the question with all the sex they had, how many times did she peg him? In the end I believe he gets his just rewards, and one can only hope he comes to his sense of r esponsibility and no matter how sick he is, he gets off his rear end, and takes care of his remaining responsibility, his dog..after all, he took the animal in and no matter how sick or cancer ridden he is, he is obliged to meet his responsibilities. one is left with the hope that he is crawling across the floor in agony to fulfill them.

[LisaMarie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. Above average freebie from Audible. May bump up to 4 stars if what it was all leading up to finally/ever dawns on me. So far it's still a big WTF.
Okay, I get that at the end the dry cough means he ended up with COVID but what all led up to that and why?
When Colin first sees Martha/Ellie she has her hands behind her head like she's being led out of a hostage situation. Later he notices that her legs are shaved but her pubic hair is wildly overgrown. Is she a prison escapee? (I have no idea how much shaving is allowed in prison.)
I'm no wine expert but some of these varietals she offers up sound not just unappealing but downright bizarre. It would seem she's trying to poison or distract him but why?
Then there's the altercation with neighbor Griselda. Was it real or staged? After all what would a complete stranger like Martha seems to be be doing in such an out of the way place? And of course there's the question of where Griselda is. And where Ping Pong was.
Then there's the possibility that Martha wasn't even real.
I even looked up the lyrics to the Tom Waits song Martha but no Aha!s there.
Maybe when I have time I'll listen to it a third time and pay closer attention to what those alleged notes on her wine critiques say.

[Michael Mulligan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The ending occurred to me in the middle of the night at 3:30AM and I couldn’t fall back asleep. It’s not first degree murder, but ouch! Reviewers keep saying the ending left no clues, but really? The callous carefree selfish person takes advantage of the immuno-compromised desperate chump during a pandemic. Pay attention to all the allusions, they're hinting at something.

Timely read for a lockdown. The main character throws good judgement to the wind and ignores sirens about this lady he meets, but I felt for him. He doesn’t see what’s coming because he’s, well, longing for human contact and intimacy. And in the middle of a lockdown, he’s desperate to the point where he only sees what Martha allows him to. His vision becomes cloudy, and judgement falls by the wayside. To the reviewers who found his behavior implausible given the situation, how do you think the pandemic has spread this far?

[Hilal Tunçkol · Rating 3 out of 5]

A thriller about a man - a former cancer patient - going through the pandemic and getting paranoid with each day, because he is scared if he gets COVID, he may not recover.

But he is also fed up with his loneliness, so he has a fing kind of a thing with the first woman he meets, and he allows her to move in with right after.

But then his neighbor disappears and his dog goes missing and he is suspicious of her, because he doesn't really know this woman.

SPOILER

The dog turns out to be alive, but the neighbor is a big question mark. Then, they break up. The thriller and the mystery were decent for such a short book, but the ending was not even close to satisfactory. It just....ended.

[Ursula Johnson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a thriller about a man, lonely from the pandemic, who lets his biological urges get the best of him. He meets a woman who he sleeps with and allows her to move in with him. She’s using him, but he doesn’t care. He’s more interested in the sex, which he doesn’t describe, seriously? Various unsettling situations arise and then it just stops. I suppose the author is trying to be trendy. Just tell the listener what happened. It just stops. I heard much better thrillers than this. Much of it is tedious. Great narrator.

[Sidnie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I downloaded this at the beginning of the pandemic when we were newly in the quarantine and I felt this need to read something about people in the same position. I remember that around that time I also read an article that likely a lot of fiction would come out of this time, but that likely not a lot of it would be good. That was the case here - totally insufferable protagonist and no real substance in the storyline.

[Kry Tiger · Rating 4 out of 5]

When we find ourselves in an unknown situation, we tend to find ways to make it work. When we feel loneliness, we tend to throw caution out the window and dove head first.
Collin finds himself in a situation he’s not sure of, yet he continues with it because in some way, it benefits him. The things we’ll put up with when faced with being alone, versus what we end up finding when we’re on our own.

[Hugo Saraiva · Rating 5 out of 5]

An ups and downs story during the 2020 pandemic. Main character had had cancer and was quarantining himself until he met someone. A lot of trust and makes someone think if you really like the person your met, or you're just in it for the fun you have. Then things start changing out of the norm and then missing. good quick read/listen.

[Stephanie Waterhouse · Rating 3 out of 5]

WowI A rather small novel.

The story was written in 2020 and dealt with life during the pandemic.

It was a strange mystery…a story written over a month. It ended and started at the same point. Suspenseful. A really weird story.

Recommend.

[Ida Wilcox · Rating 3 out of 5]

OK what happened to the neighbor?

This story moved so fast I almost couldnt keep up.

How you move in with someone after meeting them a few hours.

Also, was martha a real person or was she all in his head.

The world may never know.

[Alan Villafana · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting short story. It is relatable due to the pandemic currently going on. I am still kind of lost with the ending, the story it self was good. It was relatable to all the anxieties we had during the beginning of the pandemic.

[Rose Boyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Depicting the life and brief romance in pandemic times with a woman who difficult and somewhat concerning. There is drinking, drug use and sex in this book. However, it is well written and descriptive.

[GM Hayes-McCloskey · Rating 1 out of 5]

Terrible story with unnecessarily vulgar language and overtly sexual, graphic descriptions.

Great narration by the voice actor, but the story itself was weak and further bruised with an anticlimactic ending.