Kā atrast dvēseles radinieku: harmonisku attiecību veidošanas ceļš

by Mali Apple, Astrīda Vucāne (Translator)

Kā nu kurš – apzināti, pusapzināti vai neapzināti –, ikviens no mums ilgojas pēc dvēseles radinieka. Dažs autors tā sameklēšanai piedāvā tikai un vienīgi horoskopus, cits izstrādājis testus ar āķīgiem jautājumiem raksturu saderības noteikšanai, vēl kāds cits meklējumu priekšplānā izvirza cilvēka ārējos dotumus...

Laikā, kad piespiedu distancēšanās vēl skaidrāk nekā jebkad atsegusi cilvēka dabisko nepieciešamību pēc tuvības, apgāds “Lietusdārzs” sagatavojis grāmatu “Kā atrast dvēseles radinieku”. Šīs grāmatas autori Mali Epla un Džo Dans dvēseles radinieka atrašanu skata daudz plašāk un dziļāk. Viņi to saista ar nebeidzamu radošu procesu, kas ik dienu liek ielūkoties sevī. Tam, kurš meklē sev tuvu cilvēku, pašam ir jābūt gatavam par tādu kļūt. Tikai tā ir iespējams nepiedzīvot vilšanos, kas daudzās attiecībās diemžēl nomaina viena vai otra partnera sajūsmu pavisam drīz pēc tuvināšanās, steigšus mudinot pieņemt, ka šis dvēseles radinieks nav īstais.

Mali Epla un Džo Dans ir attiecību izaugsmes treneri, turklāt mīlas pāris un labākie draugi. Pašu piedzīvotais un pārdzīvotais viņu darbā cieši saausts kopā ar novēroto, izpētīto, izlasīto, teorētiski apgūto. Fakts, ka autori izmanto savu pieredzi, nosaka visu grāmatas noskaņu: no tās lappusēm strāvo prieks, ko rakstītāji gūst, iedvesmojot lasītājus.

Grāmata sniedz konkrētus padomus, kā ikviens var izmantot visu savu mīlestības potenciālu un panākt harmonisku garīgu un fizisku savienošanos ar partneri. Tas dod iespēju mīlestību, sapratni un kaislību uzturēt dzīvu katru dienu.

Autori nevairās runāt arī par negatīvajām jūtām – bailēm, satraukumu, greizsirdību, aizvainojumu –, kas bieži vien attiecībām neļauj uzplaukt. Viņi nemudina šīs jūtas uzveikt vai apspiest, bet iesaka, kā tās gudri izmantot, lai attiecības uzlabotu.

Grāmata sola: tie, kas ieviesīs dzīvē kaut vai dažas tajā minētās idejas, ne tikai atradīs katrs savu dvēseles radinieku, bet arī pratīs viņu nepazaudēt. Partneru interese vienam par otru neapsīks. Tā ar katru dienu kļūs dziļāka un attiecības – stabilākas.

Dvēseļu saikne nav jāgaida; jūs to varat izveidot katrā sastapšanās reizē, izdarot ikdienas izvēles.

Genres: Relationships, Self Help, Nonfiction, Marriage, Personal Development, Romance, Reference

206 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2011

About the author

Hello! I’m Mali (rhymes with Bali). Along with my partner in life and love, Joe Dunn, I’ve dedicated my life to exploring how to keep long-term committed relationships fulfilling, sexy, and fun. We coach people around the world on creating and sustaining intimate relationships that are connected, passionate, and satisfying, including how to work together on issues from insecurities and inhibitions to shame and jealousy.

Our first book, “The Soulmate Experience: A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships,” has won multiple awards and has been translated into Spanish and Danish. Our newest book, “Wild Monogamy: Cultivating Erotic Intimacy to Keep Passion and Desire Alive,” was published in April 2023 and has just won the National Indie Excellence Award.

Learn more at MaliAndJoe.com, and come say hello on YouTube (youtube.com/c/maliandjoe), TikTok (tiktok.com/@maliandjoe) or Facebook (facebook.com/maliandjoe).

Reviews

[Simo Ibourki · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful book that presents a quite different model to relationships based on love, acceptance and freedom rather fear, jealousy and expectations.

It really changes your percpective on how to see your partner and how to not let the chemistry and love that made you a couple fade away. It got valuable advice that will help anyone explore your relationship deeper and make more alive.

[Hugo Demets · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mooi boek dat je op een nieuwe manier naar je relatie laat kijken. Het thema van het boek is dat je met veel mensen een zeer goede relatie kan opbouwen, als je de ander maar accepteert en niet wil wijzigen.
Om beter met de ander te kunnen omgaan, is het enkel jezelf die je echt kan veranderen. In de eerste plaats door de ander onvoorwaardelijk te accepteren.

Dit boek gaat dus in tegen de conventionele wijsheid uit de relatietherapie, die zegt dat je verschillen moeten uitpraten en er compromissen moet bij zoeken. De auteurs geven aan dat bij compromissen beiden verliezen. Als je de ander accepteert, win je zelf echter aan persoonlijke groei.

Het inzicht is mooi, maar het boek vond ik zelf eerder traag te lezen door de voorbeelden en uitwijdingen.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sent “The Soulmate Experience” book to my parents, my siblings, and my son. It doesn’t matter how old you are, how long you’ve been together, or whether you’re in relationship at all. Everyone can benefit from reading this book!

[Filipa Canelas]

The Soulmate experience is described by the authors as something you create. It's a choice followed by a set of actions that can be taken in any relationship, to make it a truly fulfilling experience. Here are my key takeaways from this book:

1) DEFINE A CONTEXT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP
“We create happiness by providing the best in entertainment for people of all ages everywhere”, is Disney's brand purpose. The idea is to create a vision that guides your relationship with someone — a starting point for making decisions and facing challenges. This can either be something you both embrace, or an individual context.

Here are a couple of examples:
“I will appreciate and make the most out of every moment with x”
”We will both develop our gifts and support mutual growth”
"We will use everything that happens to bring us closer together”
“I am fully responsible for having my needs met”

2) ASK "WHAT IS HERE TO BE APPRECIATED?"
This subtle question helps to shift the negative lens to a more positive one. Thus facing tough situations with a different attitude — one that will allow for a better outcome and partnership growth.

3) MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Most arguments arise from unfulfilled expectations. When putting this way, the solution seems obvious: distance yourself from the expectations you have for your partner. “How likely is this expectation going to give me satisfaction in the future?”

The authors recommend turning expectations into invitations. Instead of having the expectation of being taken to dinner, why not ask the other person out? Instead of hoping for a visit, why not suggest an activity together?

Read more here: https://www.filipacanelas.com/blog/so...

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I'm not generally one to read self-help books, I did find this one very readable, very usable, very practical. It is all about perspective and the fact that you can change YOURSELF and in doing so, change the world (and the people) around you. There were a lot of points in the book that I wrote down to further think about in the future (and to revisit when things get tough) and I know some people that would benefit from reading this, if they were open to it. I do think that any changes that you make have to come from within, and if you're not there yet, that is ok. I need to be more accepting of the point YOU are, and not have so many expectations. Life can be easy and wonderful, and when it's not, step back and realize that YOU have control of how you react...and sometimes not reacting at all is the best step.

So I'm going to work on adjusting my expectations (if you don't have any, you'll be happier...but that is hard, so I'll start with being conscious of how many I do have), start by realizing there is ENOUGH and I am ENOUGH (see Chapter 2 and the insufficiency complex...that really spoke to me) and hopefully be better at accepting those around me for who they are at that point...

Nothing new in any of these thoughts, but good to revisit them from time to time

[Lisamarie Landreth · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️ 3.5 stars

This book can be summarized in one sentence:
Your life and your relationship is as good as your mindset.

It's an unconventional and attainable framework for eliminating what's blocking you from a soulmate experience, starting with the way you experience yourself, including great principles for reframing negative beliefs and thought patterns.

This is a book for anyone who wants to grow conscious of the negative self-talk running the show in their lives and relationships.

[Liv Tsang · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this and want to give it many a reread with accompanied journaling. I feel very inspired to apply the book’s techniques and perspective shifts in my own relationships, particularly my romantic one (my reason for the read). I came away with a better understanding of my part in the dissolution of past relationships and my current areas to improve upon. Lovely quick read that I intend to nurture the ripples of.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I can't imagine myself going out on "the edge" to do some of these exercises to bring myself closer to my husband, this book does have many practical lessons about how to bring yourself closer to your partner. I found it a fascinating read and it had a unique way of looking at some of the issues that plague couples (intimacy, jealousy, family etc).

[Joanna Gawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so much more than a “how to” guide for couples committed to (or seeking) a happier romantic relationship. While the main focus is on how to fully connect with your signficant other, the insights and wisdom within this book offer a much broader scope.
After all, *every* relationship we have (including the one with self) is about ‘connection’, to one degree or another. Yet most of the time we react from old patterns, based on core beliefs that are flawed, outdated, and/or perhaps even harmful.

What if you could change your experience so that you approached every conversation with openness - and a willingness to learn something from it? What if you could live more synchronistically, more in tune with yourself and what’s at the heart of your relationships? What if you could learn to feel full acceptance for each person you interact with - and yourself?
It is possible to feel a profound and lasting connection to those you love, but it does take work!

There is real wisdom in this book … a real understanding of what it takes to keep a relationship vibrant and alive, exciting and expanding, and filled with joy and deep connection. Of course Mali and Joe understand that not all soulmate connections need be romantic. Speaking from my own experience, there can be just as much learning, transformation, and reward in a non-romantic connection, especially if there is a special context for it.

Mali and Joe deliver their guidance, insights, and suggestions in a clear, easy-to-read narrative, as though they’re holding your hand as you read the words. Some of the ideas may be ones you already know. Some may be stretching your “comfort zone expansion” too far. Others will resonate at the deepest level, and you will discover a chance to transform your beliefs and your perspectives, to be fully present in your relationships, and to see the world in a new way. You will become someone who can *be* a soulmate, and as you consciously work on and understand your relationships, you may find that life is a richer experience as a result.

This fits nicely with where I am right now - dealing with my limitations and “stuff” with the support, trust, and love of those who are truly committed to being there for me (and I with them/vice versa). These relationships are such a special gift - with this book, you may find that you find ways to honour and cherish them even more deeply than you do now.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first started reading “La Experiencia”, I was pleasantly surprised to find that it is not only about our relationships with others, but also about how we treat ourselves. This is an utterly inspiring book, the kind that makes you want to keep reading to the end. Each page made me think about situations in the past that might have gone differently, or have a positive outcome, had I had this guide for the soul back then. The shifts this book suggests are simple yet powerful, and you can feel immediately relieved. Why do we always think that relationships are complicated when they are not? In “La Experiencia…” I found many answers, even to things I had never questioned before. I really felt the authors took my hand and walked me through the process of asking about my own purposes and my subconscious, because they know that in order to establish a healthy relationship with others, we first need to deeply know ourselves.

I believe one important aspect of this book is that it isn’t aimed just for dreamers who are looking for a perfect match, a soulmate that is unique and once-in-a-lifetime. On the contrary, it may be said that they are trying to bust that myth to teach us to have much healthier relationships with anybody with whom we cross paths. It teaches us to find balance within ourselves, to question some of our attitudes that may be harmful not just for our relationships, but for ourselves too.

Reading “La Experiencia” is truly a healing experience in itself, and it gives us real tools to face everyday issues, both in our relationships with a lover and with others, so we can live a positive and happy life. The authors write in an easy to grasp language, and they lovingly guide us through this path of discovery, so we can shift our focus and see reality beyond prejudice. This is a recommended reading for everybody regardless where they are in their lives, and especially for those who have or are looking for a loving relationship, both with others and with themselves.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

It had been several years since I read a self-help book. I read this one on vacation as it was light and airy, self-validating yet hit some home truths that propelled me to grow. Can't beat that in a good read!

It may seem odd that a woman who has been single for over four years, celibate much longer, and who hasn't accepted a date since 1998, would want to read a book about this topic. But I found it had some great things to say about building healthy relationships. I have family, church family, friends and business relationships; learning to healthily and authentically connect is beneficial to me.

Here's a few quotes:

Who I am right now is one possible way of being beautiful.

Baggage is often just a lack of flexibility about accepting whatever is showing up in our life or someone else’s.

When validation is no longer the primary reason you’re in a relationship, you can explore, enjoy, and appreciate everything that relationship has to offer.

when you put others down, you severely limit their ability to contribute to your life in a positive way.

Our partner’s fall from the pedestal is our own process of shutting down. Instead of seeing our partner through the nonjudging eyes of a new lover, we now see them through the beliefs we’ve developed about who they are and who they should be in relation to us. We think we’re still seeing them objectively, but we’re actually viewing them through the filter of our ever-increasing expectations. Then we wonder what happened to all the possibilities we sensed were there at the beginning.

I realized that the anger I’d carried around for so long was really self-abuse.

We stop fully listening to our partner because we feel we’ve heard it all before.

when our desire for connection is stronger than our desire to be right—we really can just drop it.

[Sammy Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first started this book, I was unsure exactly what I was getting into. I've read a lot of self help books and books that promise tips and ways to improve your body, mind and spirit - but this was different. This book makes you think about yourself, and what you have to do to change and to compromise.

Broken down into 12 primary chapters and headings - each section then with sub heading and sections; the reader is guided through the main pitfalls in relationships and shown how to avoid the negativity and pitfalls of expectation when in a relationship.
I found the title 'The Soulmate Experience' to be an interesting one. I do believe in soulmates, and I believe that we find our perfect partner when we learn to accept and identify that no one is perfect. Compromise goes hand in hand with love, and this is the primary message here.

I would recommend this to those looking for a book that isn't afraid to show you your own flaws, and to those who are prepared to work for a strong relationship.

4 solid stars.

[Lisa. J · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspirational and healing…

I found this book to be a helpful and healthy read for my mind and inner being, and I think that many people could benefit from the wisdom within these chapters. There are a number of really powerful exercises that will help you change the way you feel about yourself, and others too. The Soulmate Experience teaches acceptance and compassion, and a way out of desperation and anxiety. The principles, when applied, will help you to define a healthier sense of self and greatly improve the quality of your relationships with others too. We all need to nourish our souls, and to appreciate our individual selves, as well as others. This book provides a number of avenues to do just that.

There are a many books out there on developing healthy and vibrant relationships, but I think that this particular book is a gem and the authors have made a brilliant effort to contribute to the reader, mind, body, and soul. Well done.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

The amount of useful advice in this book surprised me.

The biggest lesson I learned is that no one is ever yours. One day, that person will be gone, whether it's tomorrow or 80 years from now. So, appreciate having that person in your life while you can.

Also, instead of setting rules, trust that you chose a moral, ethical person to be in your life. Embrace your partner's/friend's freedom to do whatever he/she wants and trust that they will behave within their own moral compass. Accept who they are even if they do something you wouldn't do (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone).

There are a lot of other sections in this book about recognizing and addressing negativity, complaints, and fear. These can apply to anything in your life from relationships to driving in traffic. It's not just about finding a soulmate, it's about changing your own outlook.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I came up Soulmate Experience, I was at a point in my life where I had lost myself by over caring for so many people, I forgot about the one most important person along the way. This book is not only about creating love with others but also loving yourself, it's not easy to open yourself to a loving relationship, especially when its yourself.

Mali & Joe guide us through the book, to look & think about what it takes to get to a loving relationship. I read the book once, then the second time in baby steps doing the work, changing my thoughts so that I can accept myself and each person that comes into my life. This started a year ago, and in the last few months, the sun has been shining down once again!

I highly recommend everyone to read this book, it will open your mind and heart to see the love that is around us. Thank you Mali & Joe!

[Bryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book for personal development. I would recommend it to anyone that wants to improve their relationships romantic or not.

“Your beliefs create your experience. If a belief you have isn’t bringing you the experience you desire, you have three choices. You can continue to feel disappointed and resentful every time life doesn’t live up to your belief. You can trade up, replacing your belief with one that has a better chance of bringing you what you want. Or you can let go of your belief altogether and choose to accept life exactly as it shows up. Get this one idea down—that your beliefs create your experience and that what you believe is up to you—and life will begin to flow much more easily.”

[Jenell Diegor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is inspirational to read, not only to those who have already found someone whom thy consider their soulmate but also to those of us who are still seeking ours. I love how it was written by real-life soulmates - a couple who knows exactly what they are talking about. Their methods were personally tried and tested and they are living proof that it WORKS. It is a great guide, specially if we are wondering if we are doing something wrong. Aside from that, it is easy to read, understand and follow - and very motivational! Thank you!

[Clarissa OM · Rating 4 out of 5]

LOVED this book.

The authors start out with very thorough exercises for self-reflection and awareness, which is the most solid foundation for any relationship. The advice and techniques they present in this book for couples is superb, and I have used some of them in my current relationship. I'm glad to have this book because it covers just about every facet of a relationship and explains how to handle challenges in a very approachable and loving manner.

[Polina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed all the concepts in the book, a lot were already very familiar, a few were new and created a positive shift in the way I perceive things. However I found the book a bit of a "drag" to read hence 4 stars instead of 5. I fully agree and support the theories conveyed by the author but somehow to book itself did not have me flipping through pages unable to put it down like a lot of other personal development transformational books I have read.

[April Nicholas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is a must read for anybody who wants a lasting, soul-enriching relationship and for anybody who may wish to help others with their relationships (coaches, counsellors, therapists, etc.) The ideas put forward throughout the book are extremely hard to argue with. If just one person in a relationship can begin to address the spirit in which they approach life and relationships, as detailed by Apple and Dunn, I expect everyone around them would benefit greatly.

[May Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for people who want to rekindle their relationships in all levels and bringing more intimacy into it. Packed with essential and practical techniques, it’s a good resource to know more about the ways on how to keep the love and passion in a relationship fully alive and beneficial. All in all, this book is an inspiring collection of stories carefully crafted to bring out the best relationship advice for all its readers.

[Mie · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is not about a spiritual stuff, but rather self-help book about the relationships. Reading this book, I feel in order to keep the long-term relationships, it is more important to make efforts to accept each other and strive to improve weaker points each other rather than just relying on fixed chemistry or so-called soulmate.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Love it. against the backdrop of an over whelming amount of relationship books which promise you will find the right one, tempered with the second wave of books to compliment these which are about 'sticking with it.' this book is refreshing giving practical ideas which are bound to produce happier moments here and there. great stuff.

[Robert Pemberton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every person who wants a relationship with anyone should be required to read this book and then DO what it says. This isn't about finding your "Soulmate". Its about BEING your partner's SoulMate. It is about how to be the kind of friend, parent, partner, lover, etc. that we need to be. It teaches what self-care really means.

A must read.

[Alyssa Brooker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this book. I asked my fiancé to read it as well. I think we tend to not think about how we can improve relationships enough and these authors provide simple (but also possibly not thought of by you before) ideas and concepts that are very readable. Definitely worth the time if you want to have strong relationships.

[Eva Plesel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let's face it. This book can be upsetting because it tells uncomfortable truths, but if you're ready to make a change in your relationship it has an amazing potential. I had a hard time reading it because of the fact that I was not necessarily ready to accept these ideas, even though they were simply true. I can't wait to go deeper into my introspection and enhance my relationships.

[Annie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good, practical advice. Written in a way in which you can read a little at a time to think about yourself, what you want in a relationship, what you want from life, etc. Great - even for people for have been married for years.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to download this book for free. I've ready a lot of books on this topic and wasn't very hopeful for anything new. This book rang so many Truths for me right from the start. Whether you are in a relationship or would like to be, this book is a must-read.

[Amber Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relationships

While this might focus on romantic relationships these techniques can be applied to strengthening your relationship with yourself as well as with other peoples. Great advice and examples.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lovely book, full of great thoughts on how to live life to the max on a spiritual level. Very readable and practical.