Let Me Be a Woman

by Elisabeth Elliot

“In order to learn what it means to be a woman, we must start with the One who made her.” Working from Scripture, well-known speaker and author Elisabeth Elliot shares her observations and experiences in a number of essays on what it means to be a Christian woman, whether single, married, or widowed.

1. The God who is in charge --
2. Not who am I? but whose am I? --
3. Where to hang your soul --
4. A daughter, not a Son --
5. Creation, woman for man --
6. Jellyfish and pride --
7. The right kind of pride --
8. The weight of wings --
9. Single life, a gift --
10. One day at a time --
11. Trust for separation --
12. Self discipline and order --
13. Whose battle? --
14. Freedom through discipline --
15. God sets no traps --
16. A paradoxical principle --
17. Masculine and feminine --
18. The soul is feminine --
19. Is submission stifling? --
20. Twenty questions --
21. A choice is a limitation --
22. Commitment, gratitude, dependence --
23. You marry a sinner --
24. You marry a man --
25. You marry a husband --
26. You marry a person --
27. Forsaking all others --
28. Dynamic, not static --
29. A union --
30. A mirror --
31. A vocation --
32. What makes a marriage work --
33. Acceptance of divine order --
34. Equality is not a Christian ideal --
35. Heirs of grace --
36. Proportional equality --
37. The humility of ceremony --
38. Authority --
39. Subordination --
40. The restraint of power --
41. Strength by constraint --
42. Masters of ourselves --
43. A universe of harmony --
44. Be a real woman --
45. The courage of the creator --
46. The inner sanctum --
47. Loyalty --
48. Love is action --
49. Love means a cross

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christianity, Faith, Marriage, Christian Non Fiction

192 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published January 1, 1966

About the author

From the Author's Web Site: My parents were missionaries in Belgium where I was born. When I was a few months old, we came to the U.S. and lived in Germantown, not far from Philadelphia, where my father became an editor of the Sunday School Times. Some of my contemporaries may remember the publication which was used by hundreds of churches for their weekly unified Sunday School teaching materials.

Our family continued to live in Philadelphia and then in New Jersey until I left home to attend Wheaton College. By that time, the family had increased to four brothers and one sister. My studies in classical Greek would one day enable me to work in the area of unwritten languages to develop a form of writing.

A year after I went to Ecuador, Jim Elliot, whom I had met at Wheaton, also entered tribal areas with the Quichua Indians. In nineteen fifty three we were married in the city of Quito and continued our work together. Jim had always hoped to have the opportunity to enter the territory of an unreached tribe. The Aucas were in that category -- a fierce group whom no one had succeeded in meeting without being killed. After the discovery of their whereabouts, Jim and four other missionaries entered Auca territory. After a friendly contact with three of the tribe, they were speared to death.

Our daughter Valerie was 10 months old when Jim was killed. I continued working with the Quichua Indians when, through a remarkable providence, I met two Auca women who lived with me for one year. They were the key to my going in to live with the tribe that had killed the five missionaries. I remained there for two years.

After having worked for two years with the Aucas, I returned to the Quichua work and remained there until 1963 when Valerie and I returned to the U.S.

Since then, my life has been one of writing and speaking. It also included, in 1969, a marriage to Addison Leitch, professor of theology at Gordon Conwell Seminary in Massachusetts. He died in 1973. After his death I had two lodgers in my home. One of them married my daughter, the other one, Lars Gren, married me. Since then we have worked together.

Reviews

[Leah · Rating 1 out of 5]

EDIT May 2025: Goodreads made me remove most of the book quotes due to copyright law. Apologies for the lack of quotations.

Me, reading this book for the first time in 2017:



Me, coming back to reread and review it in 2018:



As a newly married Christian woman, I think it’s safe to say that I am exactly the target audience for this little epistle about biblical womanhood and marriage. Sadly, I disagreed with most of it. Elliot and I differ greatly in our definitions of basic words - words like ‘equality’, ‘female’, and ‘feminism.’ The book is also full of contradictions, dated facts, and vague, unsubstantiated assertions.

For starters, Elliot seems to regard women in the style of the ancient Greeks, as half-formed or handicapped men. In ch 5, she recounts woman’s creation; how man was alone, how God purposed to make him a companion, how the animals were found wanting, and then at last woman was made to be his complement. She goes on to discuss Eve being made from Adam’s flesh for a special purpose (only later does she state that it's motherhood). Her argument implies that animals have their places (companionship), men have their purposes (intellectual and personal friendship) and women have their place (sex and babies). So Elliot defines biblical roles of male/female, revealing that she has fallen for the lie that women are innately sexual and men are innately cerebral.

The sex/intelligence dichotomy is very common, but I was disappointed that an intelligent woman fell for it. When God made woman for man, he did not make an entirely different species just for reproducing. Woman was made as the perfect complement for man, to be his partner not only in sex (as Elliot posits) but also intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. Though my husband has many male friends, I am his best friend, his first companion, his intellectual equal. Does that mean I’m usurping man’s role? NO! It means I’m filling mine as his companion.

Because of her understanding of the creation account, Elliot confuses femaleness with weakness. Again, this is bizarre when one takes into account her own history.

In Ch 21, Elliot compares the performance of a woman at seminary to a blind man, arguing that the woman should ‘accept the limitations’ of being a minority and never ‘whine’ when the school fails to provide her with proper education. I disagree. Womanhood is not a handicap that we must learn to compensate for (Elliot knows this in Ch 8). Nor are we a minority. We are fully capable, half of the population! Elliot definitely supports education, but she wants women to shrink, meekly offering thanks to men who tolerate our presence in their lofty halls. After all, we’re only there to get husbands and babies, right?

That’s Elliot’s view, anyway. Over and over we are told that motherhood is the essence of womanhood. I have heard this so many times in my life that I think that if one more crusty republican tries to tell that I must have baby, I will lose it. Her argument in Ch 17 doesn’t make sense. It’s a bad reading of 1 Tim 2:15 which leads one to believe that woman’s soul lies in her uterus, that if she hasn’t had babies, she’s not right with God. When a woman hears this and poses the question, “what about unmarried/childless women?” the theologian who previously knew so much about biblical truth pertaining to the female body suddenly falls silent and slinks away.



The idea that anyone’s salvation could rest on a physical act contradicts Romans 3, and theologians ducking valid questions know this. It's sad that Elliot has bought into this, but not surprising. She tries to say that non-mothers can be real women by acting like mothers – by willingness to suffer, receive, nurture, and care about other people. These are clearly traits which all Christians are called to display. If my husband has all those, does that mean he is now a mother too?

Elliot has a very narrow view of what womanhood is. She believes that a good woman must have a degree but not be a career woman. She will have ideally gone from her father’s care to her husband’s, with as little time spent independent as possible. Once wed, she MUST have babies. She must personally be their educator. Her life must center on her husband (woman was made for man), but she must not bug him with her needs. If she has a job, it cannot take her away from her home or detract from her full-time life of service to her husband and children.

Interestingly, the only woman who meets all of these demands is herself. Womanhood is now a hierarchy, with Elliot sitting at the top of the pile. And like most women at the top, she smiles snidely down on the rest of us, asking why we can’t do as well as she. In Ch 47, she placidly says that she never felt her person was submerged by her husbands. But of course! Her first husband died and she won fame by doing his job. No other husband (she married two more) could consume the famous Elisabeth Elliot into his own self – if anything, she consumed them!

She has no concept of the fact that many women’s lives are different from hers. She has made her own Proverbs 31 woman, and she is it, nobody else. That way she gets to be the holiest of us all. She tries to make nice in Ch 19, saying that she didn't mean that ALL women are called to submit in housewifedom, only those meant to marry.

But ten pages earlier (Ch 15), about women with careers vs. women at home, she states that women who work are living a 'partial humanity', are ignoring the differences between sexes, and “by refusing to fulfill the whole vocation of womanhood she settles for a caricature, a pseudo-personhood.”

So some of us can get jobs but not all of us, and those who do are only partial people? Sounds like the old argument that we must all have babies except for those of us who can’t, but if we can’t we’re not godly women. And just like the male theologians, Elliot leaves us there without explaining how her argument makes sense logically or scripturally.



Elliot's views on manhood are also skewed. She advises her daughter to count herself lucky when her husband makes messes and throws things on the floor. Apparently that’s how men are hard-wired. I disagree. If we can expect our toddlers to pick up their things and behave politely, we are certainly not wrong in expecting it from men. The marital pictures she draws are completely devoid of communication and full of misunderstandings and clueless husbands. I suppose that might be your fate if you turn eighteen and immediately marry man you just met. But in a healthy relationship, knowledge and communication are key to avoiding so many things that Elliot simply accepts as normal. But we must remember, Elliot doesn’t see men and women as being on the same mental plane – men are intelligents, women are breeders.

Obviously, Elliot isn’t long on treating others well, unless they’re your husband. So when I reached ch 34 and saw that it was titled 'Equality is not a Christian Ideal', I wasn’t even surprised. My first thought was ‘Here we go again’.


Elliot asserts that women are NOT made to be men’s equals, two pages before quoting 1 Pet 3:7, that women are ‘equally heirs with you of the grace of life’. Furthermore, she has this to say:

“Men and women are equal...in having been created by God. Both male and female...bear the divine stamp. They are equally called to obedience and responsibility. But Adam and Eve sinned and are equally guilty. Therefore both are equally the objects of God’s grace."

Is that...not equality?

Elliot is confusing equality with sameness. I do not deny that men and women are different and bear different roles and responsibilities. But those differences do not make one greater or less than another. No home, business, government, or society could function if all its members were the same. But their holding different jobs does not rob them of their equality, especially in the eyes of God. Gal 3:28 does not deny that many Christians are different, but affirms that under God our differences are inconsequential, as we are all equal heirs of His promise.

But one can’t argue that with conservatives.

Now before you go thinking that Elliot is totally closed-minded, read ch 32. Here she admits that some marriages don’t follow her exact prescriptions for success. Many kinds of marriages exist successfully, which just don’t make sense to the rest of us. Among these, she lists pedophilia, polygamy, and interracial marriage -- a horrifying list for several reasons.

I’m not in an interracial relationship, but if I were, I don’t think I’d like being lumped in with the feeble-minded bride, the man with three wives, and the little girl who allegedly enjoys sleeping with her older husband. Elliot’s point is that many kinds of marriages can work, but even knowing her good intentions, I’m still put off that she would make a link between a child bride and a mixed race couple.



Such parts really show how dated the book is. Elliot was born in 1926, and published Let Me Be a Woman in 1976, so it contains now-innacurate facts and statistics. When one's faith is based on such dated information, one's worldview will inevitably come out to something false.

Elliot says that most women marry before 21 (ha) and have never lived on their own, merely moved from their father’s care to their husband’s (again, ha). She believes that all mothers should have degrees to raise their children – a laughable prospect to the millennial generation, most of whom are drowning in debt. She allows that some women might have to work temporarily to pay their husband’s tuition, but sees such cases as an anomaly, and expects that women will quit as soon as the debts are paid. While claiming not to be opposed to career women, she clearly expects a Christian woman to spend her time in the home. In ch 44, she says that women's emancipation comes from envy and imitation on the part of women, and that such women are pseudo-beings.

A page later, it's clear she’s talking about women at work, saying,

“It is only in our society that there is an attempt to...encourage women to do what men do…“Equal opportunity” nearly always implies that women what to do what men do, not that men want to do what women do.”

At which point I wrote in the margins, MEN GET PAID. Motherhood is beautiful, but women aren’t being paid for their reproductive functions. Women do not wish to work because we wish to imitate/become men. We wish to work so we will have food and a place to live, so we can continue to be alive. The idea that women must stay home and reproduce or become pseudo-beings is pure 1950s.

Elliot is so steeped in the norms of her time that she fails to realize that women have always worked. Though women have always been expected to be wives and mothers, the idea that that they be only wives and mothers is new, coming about in the last few hundred years. Historically, if a woman’s husband owned a business, she worked in that business, often keeping it after her spouse’s death. Spinsters sewed and cooked and worked as maids and governesses, married women took in laundry and nursed the babies of wealthy women. Peasant women worked in the fields and raised herds, right into modern days. In most of the world, women and children have supported their families along with men, so the idea that only men are obligated to work shows a laughable ignorance of history. Are we to expect that Eve spent all her time in Eden lolling about under shady trees? Had she risen to tend it with Adam, would he have accused her of envy and imitation, and set her away to be idle? Of course not!



Elliot was a product of her time. Full of confidence in how right she was, she set out what she thinks is a biblical model for any wife. But her views of the bible are of her time, and time has shown that the model she sets forth is a shadow, a passe imitation of the ideal '50s housewife. God’s word is irrefutable and always relevant. Elliot’s small-mindedness proves that she isn’t thinking in the mindset of God’s word, she’s thinking of the culture she lived in and assuming them to be the same. As Christians, we cannot afford to make the mistake of confusing culture for God.

Now, there are some chapters of merit in this book. I made positive notes in the margins, sometimes right beside the negative ones. But the chapters I enjoyed most were the ones with the most biblical content, like ch 40, which draws messages from Paul’s commands. Conversely, her weakest parts were the ones that had little scripture, but embraced cultural norms. No book on womanhood is perfect, but the good outweighs the bad in this case.

And a final note about submission: There cannot be a conversation about submission without including the topic of abuse. Elliot, like most religious leaders, embraces total submission, making no allowance for circumstances. She doesn’t discuss what to do if a man is wrong, abusive or non-Christian. Her ideal woman would never find herself in those circumstances. In Elliot's world, men are always doing the right thing.

I’d love to believe that every Christian man is righteous enough to obey God’s will. But most of them are not. They’ve twisted scripture and turned natural hierarchy into tyranny. I’ve seen physical and sexual abuse, racism, classism, robbery, adultery, and more in churches – usually committed by male leaders. Even Christian men who aren’t steeped in sin are too cowardly or stupid to say anything. So American Christianity becomes completely divorced from what is set out in the Bible. Men fail to lead or protect, and men fail to curb other men.

We need fewer books about women submitting to men, and more books about men submitting to God. As long as Christian men fail to do so, the church will continue to hemorrhage broken women (and children) into the arms of secular culture that provides the love and protection that Christ's own body has denied them. How many of the feminists that conservatives hate and fear are their own creations? I know a few.

Me? I was lucky. Like Elliot, I have been loved and protected, and I am blessed with a godly husband. But unlike Elliot, I recognize that not everyone is so fortunate. And things have to change.

[Cassandra Noelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

"We are called to be women. The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman." -Elisabeth Elliot; Let Me Be a Woman

This was the most beautiful and encouraging book I've read in a long time. Elisabeth Elliot writes with eloquence and wisdom and her words constantly reflect Christ and the Scriptures. Reading this book made me rejoice even more that God created me to be a woman! It made me thankful for my femininity.


One thing that that really caught my attention was when Elisabeth Elliot said that "femininity has its limitations." That's so true, but she also wrote that "masculinity has its limitations too." It's a beautiful thing when women embrace whom God created them to be and likewise for men. We both have roles that only we can do.

She wrote the following regarding this:

"God created male and female, the male to call forth, to lead, initiate, and rule, and the female to respond, follow, adapt, submit."

"It is a naive sort of feminism that insists that women prove their ability to do all the things that men do. This is a distortion and a travesty. Men have never sought to prove that they can do all the things women can do. Why subject women to purely masculine criteria? Women can and ought to be judged by the criteria of femininity, for it is in their femininity that they participate in the human race. And femininity has its limitations. So has masculinity. "


Without any doubt or hesitation, I would recommend Let Me Be a Woman to any Christian lady desiring to greater embrace her role as a woman in the Kingdom of God.

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Update in 2021:

Great book. I am editing this because I wrote my original review 8 years ago and now cringe at some of what I said—not because of the book itself, but because of myself 8 years younger! As this is read more and more, and increasingly becomes the highest rated review of this book on Goodreads, I felt the need to say something different. I'm stunned, and a little embarrassed, that people still "like" it 8 years later.

As times and sensibilities change, I imagine this book and its reception will change with it. Yet nevertheless, generations will find new things to love, to hate, to find parochial or timeless. Right or wrong, it will have successfully captured a spirit of the age, namely 20th c. evangelicalism. And while I haven't read the book since this original review, I find myself still grateful for the life and legacy of Elisabeth Elliot.

One final note: in my original review, I said "my girlfriend told me to read this." UPDATE: She's now my wife and we both are still grateful for this book in the early stages of our relationship.

[Katey · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is what fueled my conversion to feminism.

[Jane Maree · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really easy to read and it feels like you're sitting down for a cup of tea with Elisabeth Elliot and she's giving marriage tips.

[Victoria Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every woman should read this almost yearly. So encouraging and thought provoking.

[Abigail · Rating 5 out of 5]

When my mom was reading 'Let me be a Woman' she said she wanted to underline the whole book (it was so good) I told her that defeated the purpose of underlining, but when I read it I felt the exact same way she did! It was amazing!

[Spider the Doof Warrior · Rating 1 out of 5]

Why in hell's holy cacaphonous gonging BELLS did I buy this book from the library? I grabbed a bunch of paperback Anita Blake books from back when the books were somewhat good with the intention of having a lay in bed and read entertaining books sort of weekend.
So I saw this book, read a bit of it and decided to buy it just to pester myself.
Why can't their be a book called let me be the sort of woman I am? Who loves blue, spiders, wearing men's clothes, admiring the aesthetics of people's posteriors and just being her own deep self instead of what people think I should be?




Ugh. Men and women are more complicated than this!

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Age Appropriate For: 15 and up (some marital themes and matter best for older readers)
Best for Ages: 15 and up

Elisabeth Elliot is an incredible woman whom I have looked up to for years. Though I might not always agree with everything she says, I know whatever she says comes from a heart that is devoted to God and is seeking him. As this year I am spending a lot of time reading about Biblical Womanhood, this was high on my list.

One of the things I loved about this book is that it was from a mother’s heart to her daughter. So much of the advice felt not like so many of the books on the market, but like I was sitting at her beach home listening to her talk. I felt as if I was peering over Elisabeth’s shoulder reading these letters, unfiltered, no nonsense, but with deep beauty.

The advice was so steeped in Scripture without any of the softening that so many books try to do. I loved the way she made fun of feminism and did not shy away from saying things that are politically incorrect with no apology. So many books on womanhood for Christian women (I am finding) almost sound as if they are apologizing for the politically incorrect way God wants women to live. Elisabeth Elliot does not apologize; she shows what a wonderful thing is.

This book really got me to thinking in such a good way. I saw so many areas that I need to allow God to work on me. There is nothing as empowering as seeing a reflection of what you are supposed to be, and I found it in this book.

Elliott does talk about sex in this book. After all, it is a part of life, womanhood, and her daughter was about to be married. I found this chapter one of the more encouraging ones, oddly enough. I think because she talks about it very matter-of-factly but also doesn’t become crude about it. All her advice and encouragement is steeped in biblical principles and personal experience. I didn’t find it awkward, but rather much like a good mother-daughter talk.

I highly recommend this book to women who are trying to live their life aligned with God and the Bible, not the world.

[Winnie Thornton · Rating 5 out of 5]

How did I go so many years without reading Elisabeth Elliot? This book was pure grace and goodness, entering my life at the moment that I, without even knowing, was the most thirsty for it. Mrs. Elliot's winsome, lovely, godly advice reminded me so much of Nancy Wilson's (such as in "Why Isn't a Pretty Girl Like You Married?"), I occasionally had to check the front cover to make sure I hadn't grabbed the wrong book. Both women have been blessings indeed. Many thanks to my big sister who gifted me with this at the perfect time.

[Sydney · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve been familiar with Elisabeth for many years, seeing her name attached to quotes I’d find on Pinterest, but I didn’t know her story until a couple years ago. I’ve enjoyed listening to her lectures the past year or so, so I wanted to actually read something by her, and this seemed like a good place to start.

Most of this book is what I had expected - A book on Biblical femininity and womanhood. I really enjoy learning about Biblical womanhood, and I appreciate her take on the subject. Elisabeth is very wise, and I think regardless of where you stand theologically, the way she writes about God is very encouraging and but also convicting when necessary. It’s not fluffy Christianity, but it is nice to be encouraged once in a while. These parts of the book were my favorite, when she spoke about serving God as opposed to being a wife.

This book is a letter she wrote to her daughter who was recently engaged, which makes the reading more conversational and personal. However, I could not relate to the material as much as I wanted to. A good portion of this book is centered around marriage and I do not have even the glimmer of a marital prospect at the moment. Lord willing, a couple years down the road I’ll find these sections more helpful but at this point in time they weren't something I could connect with. I disagree with some of what she says about how a wife ought to treat her husband; I think there are portions of this that are pretty dated and strict. Not all, but some.

I’d like to revisit this book in the future if I ever find myself with a ring on my finger and see what I think then. In the meantime, I’ll occupy myself with other books from Ms. Elliot. :)

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVE, a favorite

This is my second read of this book and it is FANTASTIC. It leads me to worship our Creator for his infinite wisdom in how he designed us. It is just as applicable today as when it was written during the height of the feminist movement.

In this book, Elizabeth Elliot teaches women to recognize the disordered desires the world promotes and encourages us to live according to God’s design.

I didn’t always accept God’s idea of womanhood. I was not raised with a Christian worldview. I also spent too much time as a baby Christian not growing in my faith.

My view began to change after our first child over twelve years ago. I struggled hard with balancing everything and trying to be all I thought I was supposed to be: successful career woman and mother; oh, and wife! And what about the Lord? See, all mixed up.

I started to read the Bible again. My husband and I began attending church regularly. We grew in faith together. And slowly I began to see that I had lived all those years with a disordered view of my role, my design, in my thought life and in my actions.

A couple things to keep in mind if you choose to read this book (I think you should!): first, Ms. Elliot is writing to her daughter Valerie, and, second, to all Christian women. Remembering this hierarchy of address will save you some confusion, as well as reading the book in its entirety before leaping to conclusions. She is NOT suggesting that if you are NOT married or NOT a mother that you are NOT following God’s design. This is a guide for all Christian women no matter your situation (single, married, mothers, homemakers and those who have careers) encouraging you to rightly order your loves.

“The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be.”

[Donna Ledesma · Rating 5 out of 5]

fantastic book.

i am so glad and honored to have it read at this young age of 17. i think every woman ought to read this. it's very inspiring for us who desire to live the way our Creator would be pleased.

Elisabeth Elliot, along with other Christian writers Eric & Leslie Ludy, and Joshua Harris, is my favorite. Elliot has enlightened me in a unique way. at the back cover it's stated that the book is "candidly written". after seeing the word "candid", i wondered how a book could actually be. and then as i read through the pages, i discern her style, i grasp her heart intertwined in every page, her words spoken from a gentle heart of a mother who submitted her age to our Creator.

it's wonderful, moving, sometimes i caught myself in tears of joy and awe.
i've realized how beautiful merely being a woman is--a woman of God, that is. i've known the essence of submission, and the beauty that it has.

overflowing with wisdom. enlightening in this world where femininity is difficult to grasp. highly recommonded!

[Joellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Living in a culture that screams I should abandon my God given femininity, I found this book refreshing and invigorating. I love Elisabeth’s humility in her submission to and reverence of God’s design when He created man and woman in His image.

I also found the way Elisabeth described her setting as she started writing each letter like essay to be quite charming. It made the book feel like we were enjoying a cup of coffee together.

I know I’m really enjoying a book if I stop to read quotes to Ryan and I did this often during the course of this reading. My husband is not a reader, but he is a well read man in that way LOL

[Ari DeBenedictis · Rating 2 out of 5]

oooh this book made my blood BOIL. I started adding tabs to pages (for things that I both didn’t like and liked about the book) and made 51 markings. Obviously, I’m not going to go through every one of those notes or this will be a book of its own but I will touch on some things. I’ll start with things I didn’t like or disagreed with and then (hopefully) end it on a good note by writing down some things that I did like! I’m not very argumentative or very articulate, but these are just my thoughts (and will therefore be probably unorganized and not very strong).

Let me just first say that this book is very anti-feminist. It was written in the 70s when the feminist movement, you could say, was gaining more attention and she had some pretty strong things to say in opposition to it.

1. “It was, in fact, the woman, Eve, who saw the opportunity to be something other than she was meant to be - the repent convinced her that she could easily be “like God” - and she took the initiative. We have no way of knowing whether a consultation with her husband first might have led to an entirely different conclusion. Perhaps it might. Perhaps if she had put the question to him and he had had to ponder the matter he would have seen the deadly implications and have refused the fruit. But Eve had already tried it. She had not been struck dead. She offered it to her husband. How could he refuse? Eve was undoubtedly a beautiful woman. She was the woman God had given him.” (pg. 15)
-This made me SO angry reading this. She pretty much blamed Eve for The Fall. I’m not going to lie, the Bible is pretty clear that it was Eve who was deceived first. That’s not what I’m mad about - I get that! However, if you’re going to put blame on Eve, I think also we should think of Adam who didn’t even hesitate and ate the fruit just like Eve. But noooo, it’s not his fault! I mean, Eve was a beautiful woman - HOW COULD HE REFUSE? What the freaking heckkk that’s just ARGH not even close to the truth. For Elisabeth Elliot’s sake, I would agree that maybe things would be different if she asked Adam first what she thought! However, I believe that The Fall was a human problem, not necessarily a woman problem. I believe that if Adam didn’t eat the fruit that day, I would be pretty certain he would another day.

2. Multiple times throughout the book, Elisabeth Elliot makes the stance of womanhood=motherhood. For example, she mentioned how when her daughter told her that when she wanted to grow up, she wanted to be a mom and then Elisabeth said “when the day came at last when you knew you were a women indeed, you came to tell me about it and your eyes shone” (pg. 21). Another example is more straight forward: “But surely motherhood, in a deeper sense, is the essence of womanhood” (pg. 53).
-For so many reasons, I do not believe in or agree with this. Some people may not be able to have kids or, heaven forbid, some people may not want kids! I do not think being a mother makes you any less or any more of a women! I do not think your life starts when you finally discover that you want to be a mom. I do agree that we have an awesome gift, a gift to bring life to the world! That’s so awesome! And if we believe that this is your calling, then have babies! YAY :) But again, that does not define your womanhood or femininity - AT ALL.

3. I think, as a whole, I did not agree with her opinions about men and women’s roles. She says, “God created male and female, the male to call forth, to lead, initiate, and rule, and female to respond, follow, adapt, submit” (pg. 50). She also says things like “This is a woman’s place and all of us need to know what our place is to be put in it” (pg. 54) or “For it is in the nature of the woman to submit” (pg. 55) which obviously makes me squirm a little. I understand that the bible says that women are to submit - I’m not disagreeing with that. My problem is why are we limited by that! I think God made us beautiful human beings who are capable of many beautiful things and why are we limiting ourselves?

4. “You can create a climate for him according to your attitude, and this is part of your job as a wife. The home you make and the atmosphere of that home is the world he comes back to from the world of his work. Let it be a place of beauty and peace” (pg. 101)
-Honestly, this quote isn’t that bad other than the “this is part of your job as a wife”. NO IT IS NOT! If I ever am going to be a wife in the future, man, I would love to have the house nice and clean and smelly and refreshing when my husband comes back from work. However, it’s going to be that way because I LOVE my husband and want him to be happy, NOT because it’s my job!! No, no, no, no! So what if the woman works??? Is it not in the husband’s job description to make the home all nice?? No, it’s just a women’s role, of course…

5. “Common sense has told women in all societies in all ages that the care of the home was up to them.” (pg. 132)
-nope, I would say that the social constructs of the world has put them in a position where the care of the home was up to them. Definitely don’t think its common sense. I think men can care for a home just as well as women.

6. Generally speaking, she talks a lot about how men are to be the providers and workers and the women are supposed to be the mothers and the home makers. On pg. 132, she talks briefly about how this always isn’t the case (and in my head I’m getting excited!!): “I know many seminary students’ wives who have to work in order to pay their husbands’ tuition and the grocery bills. Obviously the husbands must do some of the housework and child care. This is a temporary expedient and most of them, husbands and wives, look forward to the day when things will be normal again”
-What exactly is normal, may I ask?? The idea that the women may be the breadwinner in the family long term is completely unfathomable to her and I just don’t agree! There was a time in my life (this was temporary; however I do not doubt my parents wouldn’t have minded this long term) when my mom went to work everyday and my dad was the one who woke us up and made us breakfast and took us to school and cleaned the house - why is that not a possibility and not just a temporary “we’ll suck it up until it returns to ‘normal’”?

7. She contradicts herself quite often too. She talked about how some of her friends chose being single in order to serve others, but then she also states how women are fundamentally created FOR men and that our only purpose in life is to be a helper and a companion for men. I, personally, would say that we are fundamentally created to bring glory to God and to build his Kingdom but I guess that’s just me?

8. On page 64, she talks about how during a talk with seminary students, one women brought up a topic about how seminary programs are based on the assumption that the students were men. Elisabeth Elliot then went into detail about a blind seminary student she knew: “I have never heard John complain that the whole world operates as though everybody can see. Of course the world operates that way. Most people can see. John accepts this as a matter of course, never whines or even refers to his blindness and makes a way for himself in spite of the (to us) impossible limitations of his life” aka blind people suck it up in a world full of able-seeing people so therefore women should suck it up in a male dominated society? No, I don’t agree with that or even the argument for John, the blind student. People in minorities shouldn’t have to suck it up or realize that their disability or limitations is something that cannot be changed or helped.

9. “What a real woman wants is a real man. What a real man wants is a real woman. It is masculinity that appeals to a woman. It is feminity that appeals to a man. The more womanly you are, the more manly your husband will want to be” (pg. 149) - this perspective, I would argue, is very outdated and definitely doesn’t align with my views on the LGBTQ+ community. Toxic masculinity is a serious issue and I also don’t understand the idea of what a “real” man/woman is.

10. I saved the best (or you could say worse) for the end. Chapter 32 is so concerning in so many ways. Elisabeth Elliot is trying to make an example for how in a household, when husband and wife know their place and their “jobs”, that lives can go on smoothly. I completely understand this, however, she used the WORST example for this. The couple she talks about is this girl who is in her mid teens (so maybe 15/16??) and her husband who is 11 YEARS OLD!! I’m sorry what???? That’s not only illegal but so horrible and awful and disheartening. And not only that, these people are in a polygamist relationship which is EVEN WORSE! And Elisabeth Elliot is kind of like, well they made it work so you should too, which is completely barbaric. This chapter really scared me that she would not only write about this type of “marriage” (can I even call it that? They’re literally children) but pretty much agree with it. This was almost a last straw for me with Elisabeth Elliot and made me really analyze her and her views. I cannot think of an argument that would make this situation remotely acceptable.


BUT HAVE HOPE! There are some good things (surprise surprise)!! I would say that most of the points which I agreed about was the idea of a christian marriage and what it means to be married under God.

1. “The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman” (pg. 43) - I love this and I think it is so true!! I would argue that this idea can also be applied to men but still I think the idea rings true.

2. “Thank God for a loyalty not only to each other but a common higher loyalty which you and Walt share - loyalty to God, whose call you’ve heard.” (pg. 67) - I think at a basic level, that is something that makes a godly christian marriage stand out from other marriages and I think that this is incredibly important to remember.

3. “We are all unfinished, a long way from what we ought to be, but if we can look at ourselves and one another from God’s point of view, we’ll know where we ought to be going and in which direction our relationship should move.” (pg. 90) - I was pleasantly surprised and happy to find that Elliot didn’t paint the idea of men being the hero in the relationship, but instead explaining how both man and woman sin and are like stray sheep. I think this was a good analogy and reminded me of the grace of God to us, both man and woman.

4. “Drawing near to God means drawing nearer to each other and this means growth and change” (pg. 93) - yes I love it!

5. “The gifts either of us had were not that we might flaunt them but that we might use them for the sake of other people” - I think this is a very good reminder of the calling that God has given us - to love the Lord your God and to love your neighbor. Of what little I know of Elisabeth Elliot, I do know she was a missionary in South America and I know she must have had to give up many luxuries for the sake of spreading the gospel, something which I find very admirable.

6. “So there is union in marriage two separate persons made one in the flesh, and, if they are Christian, one in Christ, subject to His leadership.” - amen!! Kind of wish I read this when I was engaged, or at least in a relationship (so its more applicable in my life) but I still this is something important and good to ponder over as I think about what my future relationships may look like.

7. “We must take up the cross - this is to submit to Christ’s authority. And we must follow - this is continued obedience. This is the road not to confinement, to bondage, to a stunted or arrested development, but to total personal freedom.” - I totally agree with this! I think my problem (something that I need to work on) is that I don’t necessarily see how these same idea can be applied to a sinful human male (as in women submit to men). But nevertheless, I love the reminder of the freedom we have in Christ.

Overall, I agreed with a lot about what she had to say about having a godly marriage but pretty much nothing about what she said about women's rights and “roles”. This review took me two days to write (a lot of taking out stuff...) and I'm getting tired or writing it all haha. End of the day, though, I think this topic is something that I need to actively pray about and study more but ultimately give it up to God.

[Josiah DeGraaf · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this to be a frustrating book to read. Part of it is that I simply don't agree with many aspects of Elliot's version of complementarianism--particularly her decision to use wifehood as the quintessential model of femininity as opposed to sisterhood, which causes her to have a hyper-focus on submission as being one of the key distinguishing factors of being a woman. (Whereas biblical writers, on the other hand, repeatedly use brother-and-sister language to distinguish between men and women.)

The other reason I found this frustrating, however, is that it's inhabiting this awkward place in between being a devotional and being a reasoned treatise. As a result, all of her arguments feel half-baked and incomplete, and there's a lot of vagueness/room for interpretation about what exactly she means. I tend to feel this way about many of Elliot's works--but for a work that is trying to be an argumentative work against the culture, it's a particularly poor fit. I still may not agree with Elliot's conclusions, but I would at least appreciate being able to understand her train of thought and what precisely she's arguing for than to be met with so much vagueness.

There did seem to be several good parts of the book (of course, as a guy, I'm not the intended audience, so take that with a grain of salt), and certainly Elliot was a noble woman of God who did many great things in her life. And honestly--most of this book is probably uncontroversial (for Christians) and likely good advice. But it's the 15-20% that deals with her particular blend of complementarianism that turned me off from most of the book.

Rating: 1.5-2 Stars (Inconsistent).

[Emerson · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my new favorite books

[Carly · Rating 1 out of 5]

Everyone has a right to their opinion, but this attempt to tear down feminism and encourage women to be subservient...aside from being offensive was entirely filled with contradictions, failed to properly support the belief and in fact in the end unintentionally strengthened feminism. She says women are better off subservient, but she proceeds to list "exceptions" to traditional families that worked and expressed how much she enjoyed traveling with a very free spirit. The more she gave examples, the more she weakened her own point. Though it was written to her daughter, it came out like a letter to herself to convince herself that it's what women need to be all whilst doubting herself.

Let me be myself.

[Elly Hamby · Rating 5 out of 5]

How I love being a woman!

But actually! What a relief it is to know there is a divine design! I couldn’t recommend this book more - especially if you are someone that struggles with finding peace and joy in gender roles or relational statuses (single, married, widowed). This is a book that I will need to continue to read throughout different seasons of life.

[Becky Pliego · Rating 5 out of 5]

So much wisdom to glean from this book. I would urge all young women to read this little book, a book which serves as an antidote against the falsehood of egalitarianism that is creeping in the church. Elliot is a clear example of how strong women can stand firm against this "serious distortion of truth."

A few of my favorite quotes:

"The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived -not always looked forward to as though the "real" living were around the next corner. It is for today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow." (p.31)

"We accept and thank God for what is given, not allowing the not-given to spoil it." (p.33)

"A messy life speaks of a messy -an incoherent- faith." (p34)

"A disordered life speaks loudly of disorder in the soul." (p.37)

"Evasion of responsibility is the mark of immaturity." (p.45)

"All our problems are theological ones." (p.61)

"When you make a choice, you accept the limitations of that choice. To accept limitation requires maturity... saying Yes to happiness often means saying No to yourself." (p.63)

"To acknowledge your gratitude to Him is also to acknowledge your dependence on Him, to acknowledge above all the authority of Christ. That is a good place to begin a marriage." (p.67)

"Some women fondly imagine a new beginning of liberty, but it is in reality a new bondage, more bitter than anything they seek to be liberated from." (p.83)

"I want to know not "people" but men and women. I am interested in men as men, in women as women, and when you marry you marry a man because he is a man, and being a man, he becomes your husband. This is the glory of marriage -two separate and distinct kinds of beings are unified." (p.84)

"Marriage is a choice of one above all others. Each partner promises to forsake all others, and the Bible says that a man will leave his father and mother and "cleave" to his wife. Any choice we ever make in life instantly limits us. To choose to take this man as your husband is to choose not to take every other man on earth." (p.87)

"So marriage is a vocation. You are called to it. Accept marriage, then, as a God-given task. Throw yourself into it with joy. Do it heartily, with faith, prayer, and thanksgiving." (p.106)

Talking about household authority she says, "I had to remember that lines had been drawn -not by my husband, but by God. I was the one originally created to help, not an antagonist." (p.123)

"No woman who has not learned to master herself can be trusted to submit willingly to her husband." (p.143)

"[T]he roles were not assigned on the basis of capability. They were determined at the beginning of Creation to be a man's role and a woman's role and again, we are not free to experiment, tamper with, or exchange them." (p.144)

"No man has sufficient strength in himself properly to be the head of his wife. No woman can rightly submit to his headship. It takes grace, and grace is a gift, but we are to use the means of grace. self-discipline helps, Prayer helps. Christ, who is the Head of all of us, stands ready to help any man or woman who asks Him." (p.144)

"It is a misguided kind of super-spirituality that attempts to erase all distinctions between Christians. It is a form of escapism, an evasion of responsibility, and a serious distortion of truth." (p.155)

"The Cross must enter into marriage. "Who loveth suffereth too." (p.170)

[raffaela · Rating 4 out of 5]

"As a bird easily comes to terms with the necessity of bearing wings when it finds that it is, in fact, the wings that bear up the bird--up, away from the world, into the sky, into freedom--so the woman who accepts the limitations of womanhood finds in those very limitations her gifts, her special calling--wings, in fact, which bear her up into perfect freedom, into the will of God."

Elliot's arguments and writing on issues of masculinity and femininity, marriage, submission, and discipline are full of common sense, so naturally many modern readers would find them offensive. She really doesn't say anything that isn't in Scripture, though: we've just gotten so used to the feminist narrative that Elliot's assertions that women have limitations and have a different nature and function than men seem alien, if not like nails on a chalkboard. But that's why this book is important: we need to be reminded of the truth, especially in a world that is trying to erase the distinctions or even the definitions of male and female altogether.

(As an aside, I really liked how Elliot used quotes from authors like Calvin, John of Damascus, St. Patrick, Karl Barth, etc. This was no shallow book, unlike a lot of what passes for Christian women's devotionals and what not today.)

[Eliza · Rating 5 out of 5]

When reading this book, I think you can either love it, or hate it, no in between. If I were to read it a couple of years ago, I might have hated it...but getting some more insight to biblical feminity made me realize the beauty and the freedom of accepting God's great design for the two different sexes. Elliot's book is solidly biblical, approachable, meaningful and quite poetical at times.

[Gabby Zmolek · Rating 5 out of 5]

Will definitely be reading again, thanks Olivia!

[si :) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was simply beautiful. Short. Sweet, but so convicting in every possible way. I will cherish this book with all my heart.

Womanhood is not merely acquainted with the limitation of our outer knowledge on the topics of submission, femininity, singleness, and marriage. Womanhood must be an inner reflection of the heart-a renewed heart and spirit that is concerned with the things of the Lord. Knowledge is the beginning, action is the end. Our hearts must be filled with self discipline. We must give up our pride and selfishness. And most of all, we must give up our biggest sense of control and dependency upon ourselves. When we submit to the Lord, it must be paid in full. Sometimes, it is better to have all things stripped from you in order to realize the one thing you have left-that is God. I am joyous because this book installed in me something that I had not yet understood: There is a peace that is associated with the purpose that God has put us on earth for, even if it takes awhile to figure that out. That purpose is not external things, but rather it is for the benefit of the Lord, Himself. I think the most important thing to realize is that growth is a journey. Sometimes my mind is inclined to think that growth will happen all at once. That one day I’ll just have it all figured out. We must let time be gracious on us even if it hurts a bit during the process. I would like to share a few quotes that spoke to me.

This is a hymn by John Greenleaf Whittier. “Drop thy still dews of quietness till all our strivings cease. Take from our souls the strain and stress, and let our ordered lives confess the beauty of thy presence.”

“You are a woman, God’s woman, autonomous before Him. But His disciplining of you is far from finished. If you love Him, you’ll do what He says. And there can be no question as to whether He means it if only you will look at His face, be silent long enough to hear what He says.”

“For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be.” -Elevate our minds to that of which is higher. God’s thoughts over approval from humans.

-“For the Christian woman, however, whether she is married or single, there is a call to serve.”

-“You can’t make proper use of a thing unless you know what it was made for. To me, it is a wonderful thing to be a woman of God.”

-“But worship is not feeling. Worship is not an experience. Worship is an act, and this takes discipline. We are to worship “in spirit and in truth.” Never mind about the feelings. We are to worship in spite of them.”

-Much of this book was about singleness in correspondence to marriage. Her take on this topic was quite wonderful. You marry a sinner. Next, a man. Then, a husband. And finally, a person.

•”Each determines to do the will of God so that together, they move toward the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ. And, if God is viewed as the apex of a triangle of which they are the two base points, movement toward Him necessarily decreases the distance between them. Drawing nearer to God means drawing nearer to each other, and this means growth and change. They are being changed into the same image from glory to glory. The possibility of growing apart need not be allowed. There is no such thing as stagnation.”

My call is to be the woman that God wants me to be. We mustn’t go looking for our womanhood outside of Him. That is, not by our own means. I was created for God, by God. I belong because I am His daughter. As I was reading this book, I realized that there were many things that I never thought about. This book allowed me to put myself in the place of a man. To think about how they think and why they do the things they do. And to understand what makes us different as women. God has made a beautiful creation, and we’re apart of that!

[Sharon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fairly narrow in scope as Elliot wrote this collection as a set of letters to her daughter when the latter was getting married. As such, most of the essays discuss womanhood in terms of the wife/mother relationship. Certain parts definitely feel dated (Elliot's citing of a statistic that 90% of women marry before 21, for example, as well as her tendency to set up "feminism" as a monolithic entity. [I found most of what she said about feminism fairly reactionary toward one *kind* of feminism, one that is perhaps more grounded in the anxieties of certain evangelical circles rather than in reality. Her dismissal of the movement as a whole was, I thought, the weakest part of the book and the least portable.]), but others are remarkably fresh and practical. I thought her nod toward vocation was particularly good (that marriage/motherhood is A calling, not the ONLY one for women). Some of her views made me very uncomfortable (Elliot is, as far as I can tell, a staunch complementarian in her views regarding gender and marriage), but it's a discomfort I can live with and would like to examine more closely. Overall, not a book I would recommend universally, but lots of gems for a certain audience.

[Sarah Dalzell · Rating 5 out of 5]

“The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman.”

So much wisdom from Elisabeth Elliot written in letters to her daughter. Covers topics like identity, singleness, marriage, self-discipline, differences between men and women. So helpful to think about what it means to be a woman biblically, rather than letting our outlook be shaped by the world.

[S.G. Willoughby · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I personally may not have been quite at the point to where I could fully appreciate some of the advice and topics in this book (not having marriage in my near future- too young), it had a whole lot of wisdom! I also really liked the style of Elisabeth Elliot writing notes to her daughter. :) It was very readable, and the profound truths were given very honestly, boldly, and humbly.

[Schuyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a delightful feast of wise and loving counsel. Full review coming soon. Thanks to Joy for giving me the opportunity to read this! :) <3

[Jennifer Auxier · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my favorite books of all time. All Christian women need to read this.

[Kellyn Roth]

Decided not to finish.