Das einzig wahre Baby-Handbuch: Die ersten vier Jahre - Was an den meisten gut gemeinten Ratschlägen falsch ist und was Sie wirklich wissen müssen

by Emily Oster, Andrea Kunstmann (Translator)

Frischgebackenen Eltern werden mit einer Vielzahl von gut gemeinten Ratschlägen bombardiert, sei es von Ärzten, Freunden oder im Netz. Von Anfang an müssen sie die richtigen Entscheidungen treffen rund um Füttern, Schlaf und Timing – sonst ist das Kind direkt verloren … Doch wie soll man dazu trotz chronischen Schlafmangels in der Lage sein? Mit den neuesten Zahlen und Daten zu allen wichtigen Fragen der ersten vier Lebensjahre zeigt Emily Oster, dass die gängigen Weisheiten nicht immer wahr sind. Sie entlarvt Mythen über Stillen, Schlaftraining und Spracherwerb und zeigt, was wirklich gilt.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Science, Childrens, Family, Self Help

400 pages, Paperback

First published April 9, 2019

About the author

Emily Oster is an American economist and bestselling author. After receiving a B.A. and Ph.D. from Harvard in 2002 and 2006 respectively, Oster taught at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. She later moved to Brown University, where she holds the rank of Professor of Economics. Her research interests span from development economics and health economics to research design and experimental methodology.

She is the author of two books, Expecting Better and Cribsheet, which discuss a data-driven approach to decision-making in pregnancy and parenting.

Reviews

[Kate Lobo · Rating 2 out of 5]

90% of the book can be distilled into: the research and data on xyz is inconclusive, so do what’s best for your family and it’ll probably all be fine. Didn’t really learn anything super significant, except that apparently economists think that having a higher quantity of children means they will be lower quality. Not really my style of parenting book

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am reviewing an ARC of this book I received through Edelweiss.

I LOVED Oster's first book Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom is Wrong - and What You Really Need to Know. It relieved a lot of my concerns about pregnancy and childbirth and I would consider reading it again if I have a second child. I recommend it to all new moms. I was super excited that she now has a book for babies and toddlers because my son is just under two. I was hoping for some insight into things like feeding and discipline.

What I didn't like: Most of my disappointment with the book comes from the difference in available data on pregnancy and on small children. There are a lot more variables, as she will tell you, once a child is out in the world and these variables only get more complicated as the child gets older. It's hard to tell whether staying at home or working or having a nanny really affects a child's educational achievements because there are so many other contributing factors in families that choose each of those options. Because of this, most of the scientific suggestions are vague. The entire book can almost certainly be summed up as "Studies suggest that x has more positive effects, but the effects are not positive enough to outweigh a negative impact on your family's individual lifestyle." For example... She goes pretty deep into sleep training (I was biased as pro-sleep training going in, so take that into consideration). She concludes that sleep training generally does not cause harm and results in better sleep for both children and parents. HOWEVER, she points out that if sleep training will cause you anxiety and you are happy with an arrangement that doesn't involve sleep training, then that will most likely be better for your family. That's pretty much how all the recommendations go. That's something I really liked about her analysis, but it also meant I didn't get the same sense of comfort from data that I got from the first book.

What I liked: The same things that were great about Expecting Better are present here. She takes apart studies on everything from breastfeeding to potty training. What I learned from the book is that any of the things we obsess about at each stage probably don't have the impact that we fear it will. Toward the beginning she elucidates a bit on the "Mommy Wars" and the reasons we fight so hard to justify our decisions and, unfortunately, deride the parenting decisions of others. It feels important that we are doing the best thing for our kids objectively. And if what we are doing is objectively right, then other moms are objectively wrong. This book tears that apart. Like Amy Poehler said in Yes Please, "Good for you, not for me." This book helps you look at the cost/benefit analysis of things like early toilet training and Montessori preschools and make your own informed decision that is probably different from your sister's, but also better for your family.

There's an anecdote she tells at the end of the book where she frets about the possibility her daughter being stung by a bee to her pediatrician. When she asks the pediatrician for advice, the pediatrician says "Don't think about it." It's not good advice for every situation, but for certain ones it's perfect.

I don't think this book is as "must read", but if you need a little perspective or feel like you're doing it all wrong, it is a helpful tool for affirming your decisions and making sure they match your family's values.

[Mazie Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a parent, it is quite difficult for me to suspend all bias in favor of the evidence and I do not believe this author has been able to either. Although she admits her particular bias in one section of the book (spanking), a few snarky comments in other sections leave me feeling as though she has other unclaimed biases in play. There was some helpful fodder for thinking through the many issues parents confront in the earliest days, months, and years of their children's lives, but I suspect folks drawn to a book like this will still spend a great deal of time researching on their own. Maybe some researchers will appreciate the gaps in evidence noted in this book and begin work filling them in. Oh, and, she and her medical editor seem to have overlooked that diastasis recti abdominis is often the reason for the "mommy tummy" she deems as mysterious.

[Nicole Coleman · Rating 1 out of 5]

I struggled with this book due to my background in child psychology. I felt that Emily had her own biases that she was trying to defend her own personal choices within this book. Yes, ultimately it is dependent on the parents' choice and parents that are likely to read this book will be the parents that are putting in the effort to their children, but I felt that she left a lot of science-based information out stating that there was no evidence when there is. I highly suggest people doing their own research in each of the subjects that she mentions for better understanding as there is research available.

[Matt Quann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just before our son arrived, I assured my wife that as an almost-paediatrician I knew all about babies. While she could help herself to parenting books, I'd be fine. Then, of course, I discovered that taking care of one well child can be an entirely different challenge from managing a hospital full of sick ones. My pride wounded and my shirt puke-stained, I went in search of a book that would touch on the stuff we don't learn much about in medicine, wouldn't retread basic concepts too much, and was evidence-based.

The title that kept coming up when talking to physician friends was Cribsheet by Emily Oster. Oster and her husband are economists and their way of thinking about problems of infancy aligned quite nicely with our scientifically-minded household. Rather than tell me I needed to do X in order to get my two month old to sleep, Oster provided the evidence for different approaches and allowed me to draw my own conclusions. For me, and many other parents, this is what we're after. Judgement-free data that allows us to choose what is best for our children and family.

It helps that Oster's writing is clear, easy to read, and never feels like a heady academic text. Cribsheet is full of anecdotes about parenting, but they read as an offering of solidarity rather than a book-as-victory-lap. On a personal level, this was very much the right parenting book for me. It touched on topics I don't discuss every day (sleep training!) while doing a fine overview of the literature on the stuff I do spend my days rambling on to parents about (safe sleeping, introduction of solids, neonatal infections).

This won't be everyone's cup of tea, but if you're looking for an easy solution to parenting, here's my advice: avoid having kids. In all seriousness, Cribsheet is the best bang for your buck for someone looking for hard and fast data to guide parenting. I'll be gifting and recommending this one in the future!

[Danielle McQueen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I loved Expecting Better, so I was super disappointed to not find this book very useful. I’m surprised she wrote it at all, given how few conclusions can be drawn from the studies she cites. The whole book could have been summarized in one sentence: “the data is unclear, so just do what’s best for you and your family.” I also found her biases sneaked through in a more off-putting way than with Expecting Better. In particular, it was frustrating that so many studies defined long-term outcomes by the very American definition of test scores and IQ points. She didn’t seem to challenge this, yet later in the book acknowledges that ‘happiness’ is really a more important outcome (without exploring this further). Just because there’s no difference in test scores and IQ between kids raised in different care arrangements doesn’t mean there couldn’t be some difference in anxiety, social relationships, resilience, or happiness through adolescence and adulthood. A more critical interrogation of the assumptions underlying a lot of these studies would have helped me not hate the book.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not a huge fan of parenting books- there is seldom anything “new” or revolutionary. This book is less about advice and looking at global numbers. Vaccines - great. Infant crying - it’s awful and there’s not much you can do about it. Safe sleep - important, but looks at the data from an unemotional standpoint. Sleep training - doesn’t hurt the kid, can be good for everyone’s mental health. Breastfeeding - not as great as we pretend it is. Potty training - happens later than it used to, your kid will eventually use the toilet. Basically, you’re probably not actually screwing up your child, which is nice to hear.

[Kinga · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think my main takeaway from this book is that most data is inconclusive so just do whatever feels right for you and your family and don't sweat it. The kids will be fine. (As long as you vaccinate them that is).

I suppose Emily and I differ mostly on the issue of sleep training. But at the same time I don't judge anyone who decides to sleep train - good luck to you and your baby, I hope you get some sleep.

My approach to my baby's sleep is hope for the best, prepare for the worst and be zen about it - she is a baby. As soon as I stopped believing all this online nonsense that "most 6 month old babies can sleep through the night", I felt much better. (Maybe those babies CAN sleep through the night, but mostly they WON'T).

All my friends in Poland seem to have a similar approach, while most of my British and American friends seem to desperately try to 'fix' their babies' sleep. (And as I'm typing this my baby just woke up after 1 hour and 41 minutes of sleeping, lol). I think the difference in attitude might come from the how shit maternity leave in the UK and US is (in the UK it is better, simply because it exists, but the second half of it is unpaid and the first pays peanuts), whereas in Poland you get a year off on 80% of your salary. So you have plenty of time and a peace of mind to just let your baby figure things out at their own pace. That's my theory.
Here I'm being bombarded with ads for sleep coaches, sleep training programs, sleep consultants, whereas my friends in Poland have no idea what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent here. I think what went slightly wrong with this book was the Oster want to approach parenting as hard science, but parenting is half science, half art, half chaos. (Yes, it has three halves).
OK, bye, my baby is sleeping again and I have a million things to do in this short window.

[Helena · Rating 1 out of 5]

Can an Economist tell you how to be a great parent??

No, of course not.

This book is a microcosm of everything wrong with our upper-middle white yuppie society.
If you are a cry-it-out, formula-feeding, working mom and want permission from a comrade who will leave out and gloss over research that would criticize your choices then this is the book for you. Girl power!

The book is flawed in its conception and anyone who understands research ethics should know that there’s no strong scientific information about most of the important decisions parents have to make. This book can not draw any conclusions and makes no attempt to synthesize any findings. Is there a difference in a child that’s been raised on 7 hours of tv, food from a factory, and received virtually no one-on-one care since they were 6 weeks old and an Amish child breastfeed on demand and never out of a family member’s arms? This book would claim these children are the same. They are ~~scientifically identical! Yet, common sense and experience demands us to notice that these children are very different and that “common” is not the same as “good.”

This book is a money grab that will recede into the tide irrelevance soon. It offers nothing but the subjugation of the needs of children in favor for the wants of mothers.

[Cory · Rating 3 out of 5]

With a few exceptions, the overall gist is that there isn't a ton of high quality research to prove one parenting choice is better than another so you should use your judgement and do what's best for your family. I do think this is an important message but there was nothing groundbreaking here for me.

[Kelly Kolb · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve heard rave reviews about this book from my doula clients for years, so decided to check it out. 1/3 of the way in and I am SO frustrated.

The intent of the book is excellent. I am completely behind examining the evidence to see what we actually can demonstrate to be helpful for improving outcomes for parents and babies. However, there are so many issues with this book that really take away from its validity and usefulness.

1. The author’s biases heavily influence her presentation and recommendations, yet she continually claims to be presenting the information in an unbiased way. Definitely not true.

2. In places, she’s drawing conclusions from data that aren’t actually there. Which I find especially annoying considering her continual statements about relying on the data and her expertise.

3. She misses SO many other factors in so many of the decisions. Coming from an economics background without birth professional expertise really shows. You don’t know what you don’t know and she has such large gaps in the decision processes it seriously limits the usefulness of the information.

I would have loved to be able to recommend it. But I can’t even stomach finishing it.

[Banshee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I knew that there's much shaming against women who are pregnant, but I found out the hard way that the aggression escalates when one becomes a parent, especially a mother. People do not discuss pros and cons of different choices regarding taking care of their children. When you make any decision, it doesn't matter if you go for option A or option B. There will always be people that will accuse you of abusing your child and destroying her or his future.

The author of this book examines scientific evidence regarding different areas of being a parent, for example sleep training, the method of feeding an infant or how the child is taken care of when parents are back to work.

I read some reviews that claim the this book is useless, because in many cases the conclusion is: do what you think is right and what works for your family. I believe, however, that these are some very important conclusions. It means that a lot of pressure and unwanted advice is based on emotions and not on facts. In many cases the child will be just fine as long as you are a loving parent who pays attention both to the needs of the child and to the mental health of all the family members. Most breastfeeding benefits are manipulated in order to probably force women out of workforce. No, you won't lose a secure attachment, if you sleep train your baby. No, the child will not become a loser because the mother doesn't want to be turned into a house slave.

All in all, the book gave me a peace of mind and be more confident in my own choices.

[منال الندابي · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now that Sultan and I are expecting, we decided to do much reading on parenting (and by that I mean i do the reading, he does the listening). This is my first parenting book, and I can say it passed with flying colors as a perfect starter!
Emily Oster writes about early parenthood, how to manage and deal with all the little stuff that nobody tells you about as a first-time parent, and she supports all of that with "excellent" data.
She also goes beyond the early months until preschool. Shedding light over concepts that have been mistaken or falsified. All you need to know about cognitive development, physical development, lanaguage senseiitvety, and all that matters after your child steps out of toddlerhood.
I'd give big thumps up to Oster's incredibly fluid style of writing. It only tells me what a great professor she is, and how lucky her students are! she has the ability to simplify everything and make it understandable and easy to catch.

Thank you Emily Oster.

[Mary Turner · Rating 1 out of 5]

I should start by saying that I read thoroughly only a few chapters. I do not like that the book is advertised as an objective/quantitative view of researched parenting topics, and really does not function that way. I am married to a scientist, and am aware of how research can be skewed and documents can be cherry picked as supporting evidence to theories. However, I was hoping this author would do a better job of keeping her subjective world view out of it, or be more transparent that she was making arguments based on only part of the picture. I hate when people present like he/she can exercise an unbiased approach, and then clearly not follow-through with that promise. It is even worse when they pretend that science absolutely backs them up.

[Gretchen Alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like I mentioned before, I’m not pregnant, I just dig science. And this is a pretty good compilation of research related to baby stuff, though a lot of the advice boils down to do what works for your family so both baby and parents are in a good mental head space to deal with the stress of having a new person. Also, vaccinate your kids, obviously.

[Chloe · Rating 1 out of 5]

For a book that claims to be data-based, the author includes an awful lot of personal anecdote as evidence.

[Saskia · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first foray into parenting books and it was the right one to start with.

Oster is not prescriptive in her advice on parenting the first year of life. In fact there is almost no instruction at all, just an exploration of data. She methodically explains risks and recommendations of possible parenting choice in a non-judgmental way, with the expectation that parents will consider the data and make decision for what fits best within their family.

In a world where the online debate on right and wrong parenting is very heated, this book made me feel reassured that there is no one scientifically proven correct way. And gave me the tools to make decisions myself.

[Christian Schultheiss · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sometimes you just need an economist and this is one of those beneficial time and I’m thankful Emily poster got to be that bubbly and sweet economist for me as she walked me thru some well known as well as some truly intriguing and eye opening studies and potential new parenting tips that I most definitely took rigorous notes on and will inevitably find myself doing my own deeper research on my own on this weekend. All in all just like the cover insists, this is a fact and data driven analysis book in the fun and more boring ways too with a sunny blanket like narrative covering and some definite grace for the need to stop and reread some or many of the sections as you go through it. I’m thankful and intrigued by and for researchers and authors like Emily with true passion and devotion towards the subjects that affect and pull them in, and I’ll definitely have to take a peak at some of her backlog reads prior to this as well. 3.75/5

[CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall I appreciate this book SO MUCH for its sensible, nonjudgemental, and calm approach to parenting in the early years. In the intro Oster writes:

"We know being a parent means getting a lot of advice, but this advice is almost never accompanied by an explanation of *why* something is true or not, or to what degree we can even know it's true. And by not explaining why, we remove people's ability to think about these choices for themselves."

For those two sentences alone, I am pretty much willing to marry this woman.

Oster is an economist and, as the subtitle says, applies a data-centred approach to figuring out how to tackle common early parenting decisions. Major focuses include breastfeeding, sleep training, sleep and SIDS, transition to solid foods, potty training, vaccines, and child care and preschool choices.

She is explicit about her framework and how she evaluates the legitimacy and usefulness of the studies she looks at; for example, favouring studies with randomized trials and large sample sizes. She discusses major studies and interprets the data, but she never tells you that you have to take any course of action. How refreshing! She also has a fun dry sense of humor that is sprinkled throughout ("Some things about a second child are harder, the main one being the presence of the first child.")

Her approach works great for some topics: those that lend themselves to that kind of analysis she values. This means issues that have a significant medical/scientific/biological component. She shows, for example, that many claims about the health/medical benefits of breastfeeding -- such as better longterm health, IQ, and immune system for the baby -- are not supported by the data. (Lower lifetime rates of breast cancer for the breastfeeding parent are though!).

The chapter on vaccines is excellent too; Oster is careful to include information about adverse effects that are scientifically proven and their severity and rarity, and concludes that unless your kid is immune compromised, the data overwhelmingly supports early combined vaccinations.

As the book goes on into issues relevant to toddlers such as philosophies of different preschools and discipline programs, Oster's approach becomes a lot less useful. There simply isn't good data to help you make those kinds of decisions because there are too many variables. What type of preschool will be best for your kid depends on what type of kid you have.

She does share a few concepts she uses as an economist that can help with decision making on the more nebulous, which I thought were fairly useful. It's good to be reminded that you can approach emotionally loaded decisions systematically. I liked her insistence that what *you* want to do as a parent is an important factor you should consider.

In the last section, Oster begins to sound like a broken record because she keeps repeating that there is no universally relevant data on such-and-such issue, so make the decision that works best for your family. I guess this might be helpful if you were convinced you had to do a certain approach for a reason other than it was what you thought was best for your family.

If you decide to read this book -- and I do think it's overall worth it -- I'd recommend reading at least the first section before your kid is born, as it offers guidance on decisions you'd be taking into action right after childbirth -- most importantly, breastfeeding but also others like common practices in hospitals such as "rooming in" (aka the baby staying in your recovery room 24/7) and routine vitamins and antibiotics given to newborns.

[Jillian Doherty · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a first time, new mom I was very interested in Oster's down to earth views on parenting, especially with her practical background. She quickly addresses common themes of not knowing what information to trust, and pointing out a better-established recourse.

Everything from the scary days after delivery, to what to do when nothing makes sense, to how to work toward better relationships with your partner. She also gives earnest information how all the practicality of newborn to toddler life - from swaddling, punishing, school prep and letting things go (which i do feel there is a parental pressure to equally do and not do).

My favorite part is that she summarized each chapter with refreshingly clear bullets at the end of each part - so helpful!!

Galley borrowed from the publisher.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cribsheet is unique in the parenting books arena in that it provides a (mostly) unbiased perspective on a wide range of parenting decisions, allowing you to decide for yourself which option makes most sense for you and your family. While at times this got frustrating because a vast majority of areas had inconclusive evidence or very little research to base your decision on, resulting in very vague conclusions, overall I found this approach to be an interesting and engaging breath of fresh air.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mostly not relevant for me anymore - with a 28-month old, I've already made most of the infant and toddler decisions discussed in this book. But, I love her approach and agree that data is interesting and empowering. I identified with her very much. My favorite chapter title: "Wait, you want me to take it home?" which is exactly how I felt when discharged from the hospital with a 2-day old infant.

[Traci Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

Super interesting approach to parenting. Loved how data driven it is. A little long toward the end in cases where data tends to dry up.

[Darcia Narvaez · Rating 1 out of 5]

Terrible, misleading book by an author who knows little about child development. She has no baselines for what normal child raising is for our species (millions of years old). She generalizes from a few flawed studies to convey the message that responsively nurturing babies and meeting their innate needs doesn't much matter. Encourages parent detachment.Ignores long term effects of early life under-care. Not at all recommended by this developmental psychologist.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, this is a helpful resource. I will say that I was reading Cribsheet with a much more critical eye than most since I am a play and infant mental health therapist. I think there are a few things the author misses at times, but overall she does a great job summarizing research and giving evidence-based parenting suggestions.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. Even as a pediatric provider I found it very insightful and helpful for entering parenthood myself

[Sabrina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a library book, so rather than a review this is really just a summary of notes:

- it's important to swaddle in a way that allows the baby to move its legs and hips.
- changing formula or maternal diet, treating with probiotic or both have been shown to help with collic.
-the data doesn't provide strong evidence for long-term health or cognitive benefits of breastfeeding
- the only food women are medically advised to avoid during breastfeeding is high mercury fish (swordfish, mackerel, tuna). Other fish are fine (as are sushi, deli meats, etc). If they baby is suffering from collic removing dietary allergens may help.
- drinking while breastfeeding is basically fine - even if you had four drinks very quickly the baby would be exposed to only a very low concentration of alcohol. So really no need to pump and dump. The milk has the same alcohol concentration of your blood - is it goes does so does the milk alcohol level. If you're worried wait two hours after having a drink before feeding.
- Seems to be fine to have caffeine while breastfeeding. Cut back if baby is irritated.
- think about picking a feeding (ie; AM) and pumping after that feeding.
- If the baby rolls over there's no need to roll them back. Once they can roll on their own the highest risk of SIDS has passed.
- if you're going to co-sleep make sure to not drink or smoke and limit what's in the bed.
- the vast majority of SIDS occur in the first 4 months - so after 4 months there's not as much benefit to having the baby sleep in your room.
- Longer nighttime sleep develops around 2 months. Move to 3 naps around four months. Move to 2 naps around 4 months. Move to 1 nap around fifteen to eighteen months. Drop napping around 3.
- Vaccines are safe. A small share of people have allergic reactions, which are treatable.
- things to consider for daycare: exposed cords, safe cribs, written emergency plan, disposable towels available, eating area away from diaper area, toys washed every day, teacher knows about infant illness, fun toys can be reached, floor space for crawlers, different music materials available, planning, adult to kid ratio
- kids who are in day care for more time over this entire period have better language and cognitive outcomes at 4
- regardless of what child care you choose have a place for who takes care of the baby when they are sick
- with any child care arrangement its quality that matters. on average more time in day care seems to be associated with slightly better cognitive outcomes and slightly worse behaviour outcomes. The positive effects present more at older ages and the negative ones more at younger ages.
- Babies that participated in sleep interventions were more secure, predictable, less irritable and cried and fussed less
- there are different "cry it out" methods. Whatever you do, make sure you have a plan and stick to it.
- generally its easier to sleep train a 6 month old than a 3 month old. sleep training goals may differ on the age of your baby. ie - if you're sleep training a 10 week old is to encourage the baby to fall asleep on its own. On the other hand a 10 month old should be able to sleep through the night without eating. so the goal of sleep training isn't to deprive your child of their needs but to encourage going to sleep independently once those needs are met.
- recommendations have changed - early exposure to allergens is now recommended (esp for kids at risk)
- children under 2 can't learn much from TV. Children 3 - 5 can learn from TV. Evidence suggests that TV watching, even at young ages, doesn't affect test scores.

[Katherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Despite a frustrating lack of conclusions, this book was interesting, and might have made a bigger impact on me if I had read it before having my first kid.

Reading it 3 years into my first and with a second on the way, it just confirmed a lot of what I have gathered and gleaned over the last 3 years: Data for MOST Mommy Wars subjects are inconclusive, and parents should ultimately do what’s right for them and their families. Glad the economist agrees. :)

[Michael Gunnulfsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting and also terrifying to realize how much of the established truth we know about parenting is based on very poor research. Lots of good takeaways and helps to build a pragmatic parenting approach.

[Liliya · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author’s content was condescending at time. I wasn’t keen on the idea that just because something isn’t “proven” by research then it is not worth even considering. Especially when it comes to something as vital and ubiquitous as raising kids.