It's the Little Things: Everyday Interactions That Anger, Annoy, and Divide the Races

by Lena Williams

New York Times veteran Lena Williams candidly explores the everyday occurrences that strain racial relations, reaching a conclusion that "no one could disagree with" (The New York Times Book Review)

Although we no longer live in a legally segregated society, the division between blacks and whites never seems to go away. We work together, go to school together, and live near each other, but beneath it all there is a level of misunderstanding that breeds mistrust and a level of miscommunication that generates anger. Now in paperback, this is Lena Williams's honest look at the interactions between blacks and whites-the gestures, expressions, tones, and body language that keep us divided.

Frank, funny, and smart, It's the Little Things steps back from academia and takes a candid approach to race relations. Based on her own experiences as well as what she has learned from focus groups across the United States, Lena Williams does for race what Deborah Tannen did for gender. Finally, we have a book that traverses the color lines to help us understand, and eliminate, the alarmingly common interactions that get under the skin of both blacks and whites.

Genres: Nonfiction, Race, Sociology, Social Justice, Social Issues, Social Science, Psychology

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

Reviews

[Wealhtheow · Rating 4 out of 5]

After decades of reporting for the Times, Lena Williams has written an insightful, broad, and personal book about the interactions between white Americans and black Americans that seem minor but stem from larger current issues or bloodier past events. Told largely through anecdotes, with the occasional history lesson or sweeping generalization.

This book is fascinating, not least because it makes it cleaer that there is no One Right Answer to any race-related problem. Williams rightly bemoans the relegation of black teachers to black neighborhoods--but then, if they teach elsewhere and non-black teachers teach the black neighborhoods, you get crazy books like Black students/Middle Class Teachers and a railing against a lack of suitable role models. There is a disproportionate number of black children in the foster care or adoption systems, and they are permanently adopted at a disproportionately low rate--but should non-black people be allowed to adopt them? To some, it feels disturbingly similar to assimilationist or even culturally genocidal practices of old. Or white people in black establishments--on the one hand, they (unfairly) legitimize it, integrate it, show appreciation for black culture. On the other hand, there's also the history of white people taking and invading black people's spaces and ideas. Williams provides no answers, only the questions.
I wish there were more books like this (I'd love recommendations!), particularly because this one has such a narrow focus and specific time period.

[Marguerite Hargreaves · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a worthy book, if only to start a conversation that needs to happen. But, Williams' generalizations -- admittedly good book copy -- are not necessarily good journalism/good reporting:

"Whites can't bear to look us in the eye without feeling guilty." (27) Sorry, but this doesn't apply. Does this mean I'm not really white? Or, am I amoral?

"Each time a white American places a piece of African art in his or her home, he or she is showing an appreciation for African/black culture." (73) As a military brat, I'm open to different cultures. But the African/black art in our home has personal meaning for me that overwhelms origins. All of the artwork -- in this room there's a Hmong quilt, Irish pottery, Panamanian molas, a print of a black pianist, a group of photos of Gothic German architectural details, a Russian Madonna-and-child mosaic and a photo of a black historical interpreter who's also a friend -- goes with the decor.

"White parents appear to be more willing to tolerate or ignore lapses of etiquette and manners committed by their children. Black parents, on the other hand, tend to demand respect." (81) The smart-aleck in me notes: Sometimes, with their fists. I wondered why corporal punishment wasn't mentioned, because I think it's a point of departure for different races/ethnicities. Maybe it's a big thing, though.

"I can't understand why so many whites seem to think all black folks know each other." (115) THERE ARE STUPID PEOPLE OF EVERY COLOR/ETHNICITY/SEX/AGE.

I think some of Williams' points are valid, particularly her view of mass media as white-owned institutions that seek to perpetuate themselves at the expense of a diverse readership. I think she gives affirmative action a good recap, too. She notes double standards and dispels some myths, but with generalizations, not anything semi-objective or verifiable. I especially appreciated her chapter on little things at work. Were I still in a newsroom, I'd propose this for a book-group discussion and lob it at the newspaper diversity committee for broader application. But I think the book is most useful as tinder for a conversation that should have started years ago.

[Ellyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had mixed feelings about this book. I read reviews suggesting that it should have had a different title, and I sort of agree, because all but one chapter is written from the black perspective. It's all anecdotal, and the author makes what appear to be some pretty big leaps and assumptions and generalizations. That being said, I found it to be a valuable book, and I'm glad that I read it. Race is such a hard topic to talk about, and this book gave me some good things to think about and some good perspective.

[Shinynickel · Rating 5 out of 5]

In some ways, the things this book is about 'don't matter' - they are little things, not jobs or marriages or homes. But in other ways, these are incredibly important - they are the actions and interactions that, through their accretion, can make up the better part of everyday fabric of relations between the races.

The book also illustrates how each of the seemingly small things is an artifact of past injustices or racist contexts. Like the tip of iceberg, each small thing has grown from a darker evil. In some cases it is the last remnant of this evil, in others it is merely the most visible sign that it is still at large in the world.

There were some interesting generational differences as well, and I'd love to see articles or books that touch on this - the landscape of prejudice that people had to negotiated in the past is different from that of today, which in some cases leads to things that are freighted with meaning for an older generation becoming meaningless for a younger one (or vice versa).

The book is a fast read, and does a great job of highlighting things that may be points of tension in conversation or everyday action.

[Sedge 李 · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's been a while since I read this book, but every time I think about it, my opinion of it drops even lower. I'd call it the worst book on race relations that I've ever read, were it actually a book an race relations and not, in fact, a collection of blog-quality rants about things that bother the author and her friends/family.

My favorite part was when it was decided that an influx of Eastern European immigrants was the result of the American government "importing" white people.

[Tracey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Informative book, makes one think, and just reinforces me to just not talk about this topic. Right now I feel the need to apologize to several people. (Oh, the one factoid I did get from this book that I am willing to mention is this: asking someone what high school they went to IS NOT JUST a ST LOUIS thing!)

We have a long way to go, America.

[Wallace]

I am a white American (race being a fictional category invented by society).

I read this book looking for insight for how I could confront injustice and dismantle racist policies.

I am happy to say that I was already familiar with most of the topics that Williams discussed, and I feel much more sympathy for the minorities who are saddled with stereotypes and rude comments than with whites and others who repeat the comments. Not that I haven't said and done rude things and made ridiculous assumptions.

Mostly though, I surprised to find that Williams herself believed that most of what was needed to heal America was politeness and sensitivity, rather than structural change, and often she was willing to blame the poor for their troubles.

[Katherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book on the spur of the moment at a used bookstore. Many months later, in need of something engaging but light to read, I picked it up. It's the Little Things purports to be an intimate look at how white people and black people in the United States perceive each other—and, so often, rub each another the wrong way—in everyday social interactions. And while race relations in this country could hardly be considered a light topic, something about the way the book was packaged, from the front cover, to the author's adorable wide grin in her author photo, to the slightly subversive implication that the reader is about to be let in on secrets, seemed to hint at the promise of a good time.

And it turns out that the book IS fun to read. The author, Lena Williams, is a longtime reporter for the New York TImes. She writes like a newspaper reporter: short paragraphs, lots of dialogue, and zingers aplenty. She manages to be both serious and funny. It's the Little Things is not heavy analysis, but a collection of thematically-grouped observations (many of them drawn from round table-like focus groups that the author conducted in a number of American cities), with more of an emphasis on the black experience than the white. (In an afterword, the author explains that getting white people to speak candidly about their impressions of black people is really, really difficult—even with the promise of anonymity.) Brave in its intention, it is completely unique; and while not perfect, it made an impression on me that will last for a long time.

For the record (because they are missing from the Goodreads entry at this time), the original subtitle of this book was "The Everyday Interactions That Get Under the Skin of Blacks and Whites," and the subtitle of the version that I read was "Everyday Interactions that Anger, Annoy, and Divide the Races."

Weird detail: the book wasn't copy-edited very well, which is obviously the publisher's fault and not the author's, but is always a little bit distracting.

[Meg Mirza · Rating 2 out of 5]

An interesting take on race relations. The book was published in 2000, but most of the pop culture references and anecdotes are from the 90's. I hope that a lot of what Williams describes reflects the fact that she comes from an older generation - she's at least 10 years older than my parents. It's a pretty long list, which can be summed up as, "you know what really grinds my gears?"

Some of it was enlightening. Her personal pet peeve of white women who shake their hair definitely had me confused. What? I can't think of anyone I know who has deliberately touched or moved their hair in order to deliberately annoy a black friend or colleague. That's crazy! There was a whole chapter about how most African-Americans deeply prefer to be called by their last names. I've experienced this myself, and I wished there had been more analysis on WHY this was the case.

Most of the book airs grievances that blacks have against whites. The last chapter is a list of things that have whites scratching their heads. I wish there had been more suggestions on how to build bridges and understanding.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I agree with what another reviewer said - there were some pretty broad generalizations made that I don't find to be true for me or most white Americans I know (e.g. that we don't look black people in the eyes because we feel guilt over historical injustices).

One part really had me shaking my head, though it was a quote of Camille Cosby - where she said that her son's murderer, an immigrant from Ukraine, must have learned his hatred of black people from America because he couldn't possibly have learned it in Ukraine. Having worked with exchange students from Ukraine and Russia for 6 years, I can say that there was plenty of prejudice that came with some of them that had nothing to do with their experiences here (as well as one lovely young lady that lived with us that didn't see color as anything negative, only something interesting :) ).

BUT, I did learn a lot of things from this book that I never would have known (hair flipping as an offense? Seriously?) and I'm grateful for the insights.

[Skybo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had ample warning from Amazon that I might be angered, that the author was expressing her views and her version of Black views more than anything else, and I was ok with that. Some of her points were surprising- who knew a white woman flipping her hair could trigger so much anger and hurt? Some were frustrating- white people are seen as either ignoring and devaluing black culture, or appropriating it. There's no middle, healing ground. I came away thinking two things need to happen to heal the black/white racial divide in this country. 1) Black people need to give white people a chance. This would seem almost impossible, or insane for them to do after the numerous, numerous times their trust has been betrayed over the history of this country. 2) White people need to let black people be mad and express that anger. Historically, they have a right to be. And 2 is a lot easier than 1.

[Mrs. Frankenstein · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, this book presents one view point. while valid because it is one persons point of view there are many things that white people just can't control. She presented an example of a white women swishing their hair or running their fingers through their hair in and elevator. She presented this as an example of how white people simply irritate and annoy black people. The whole book seemed to be filled with this.

I hoped to read this and gain a new understanding, a way to help make things better. I walked away with the impression that I can do nothing to change the way things are in our society.

[Chrissy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I first read this book when I moved to Tennessee, which is about 5-6 years ago.

Since I didn't grow up in a predominantly black environment, this book has been eye opening. It helps me to better understand the divide (and misunderstandings) between the races.

[Che · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel like the author was biased. Although she used focus groups, it doesn't feel well balanced. The dialogue is well overdue. But it's not effective if it isn't presented fairly and honestly.

[Rob · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very hard for me to digest as a white male in his 40's.

[Frank Jude · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lena Williams, a veteran journalist for The New York Times won the National Association of Black Journalists award for feature writing for her article "It's The Little Things" which she turned into this insightful and necessary book which, though published in 2000, might be even more necessary in light of the totalitarian streak of so much "woke" anti-racist dogma. I notice that the edition pictured above has as its subtitle "Everyday Interactions That Anger, Annoy and Divide the Races" which tellingly erases a nuance underscored by the original subtitle: "The Everyday Interactions that Get Under the Skin of Blacks and Whites". Yes, there are prejudices, biases, misperceptions, and misunderstandings on both sides of the racial "divide" and neglecting that doesn't help either "side" move forward to greater mutual understanding and respect... and dare I say appreciation!

Williams doesn't shy away from some of the "littlest" of the "little things" and sheds light on the cultural and historical context that makes such "little things" so offensive and painful. Each chapter is a deep dive into such "little things" in various situations and contexts such as "Public Places", "School", "The Workspace", "The Home", and "The Mass Media". Some of these "little things" may make you cringe with recognition while others may make you frustrated at what may seem truly picayune... until you consider the social context.

Williams also is not reticent to call out fellow Blacks where she sees culpability and describes her own evolution regarding her thoughts and feelings about Whites. In her concluding chapter, she writes something that would be difficult to imagine a Coates, Kendi, or DiAngelos writing today when she describes her relationship with a White friend of hers:

My friendship with Jill transcends race. So much so that when my mother finally met Jill, years after our friendship began, she told me that Jill didn't look at all like she pictured her.
And how had she pictured her, I asked my mother.
"Well, frankly, black," my mother said with a smile.
Because I was so close to Jill, my mother assumed she was black. In all the years I talked about her, it came to me that never once had I mentioned her race.
Why? It wasn't relevant. It wasn't important. Jill was Jill. She happens to be white.

Was it only 22 years ago when someone could write positively about color-blindness in such a unsentimental, transparent way? A color-blindness that the Civil Rights Movement held as a value and as Martin Luther King described when he spoke of a time when people were judged by their character and not the color of their skin. Now, Williams is not speaking of the alleged "color blindness" someone who says "I don't see color" is professing. That's clearly bullshit. It's seeing color and not having color be the basis of one's relating to others.

Williams writes: "Maybe what the races need more than anything else is to lighten up". Or as a Buddhist might put it, "enlighten up".

[Ellie Pretsch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I find it interesting that most of the individuals that didn’t love this book are white. I for one thought it was incredibly insightful. I believe it helped me see what “little things” I may be doing that I don’t even realize may upset someone else. Ms. Williams states throughout her book that some of these “little things” probably should not be upsetting, but are regardless. She showed how different stereotypes and assumption hurt black and whites, and how the way that we can start to over come racist culture is to have conversations with others. I feel myself being more thoughtful about my words and actions personally. Great read and is a very relevant title which all should read during this time in America.

[Lisa Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit outdated. I really want to give it 3.5 stars. Published in 2000, the book is still relevant but a lot has happened in the last 20 years - enough so that I might question some of her points. It was a little jarring to see Camille Cosby, Bill Cosby’s wife quoted, knowing what has since happened. I struggled a bit with the snarky tone of the author. If you’re angry, just say so! Still, I am glad to have read the book. It gave me a few things to think about and discuss.

[Mariah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not as good or useful as I expected. I did learn a few extra things about black women’s hair, though. I also learned even though this book was published quite a while ago, we sure have a long way to go before the chips come off our shoulders.

[Matt Sautman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Slightly dated with a few of the example, Lena Williams's work remains relevant as a breakdown of microaggressions and their sources so as to bolster effective interracial communication and create more inclusive work and learning environments.

[Mike · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book could really use an update, because so much has risen to the surface since it was written in 2000. Before Obama, Trump, and before all this renewed boldness of racism in the US.

[Ann Macon-ellis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Didn't completely finish; reading too many things. amazed it was written so long ago and still so current

[KayG · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye opening!

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mostly anecdotal exploration of what gets on people's "last nerve" in the world of blacks and whites. Not as meaty as I'd hoped. And does NOT address systemic racism, or even use that phrase.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I thought this book did a great job touching on such a wide variety of topics that are sensitive to the races, and the things that are often hard for people to talk about. It was broken down well into broad areas, like public places, school, home, workplace, social settings, and mass media. Written in 2000, it might be a little dated, but I suspect not too much.

My two small quibbles were that (1) parts of it felt pretty choppy. This was somewhat related to the nature of the topic. Essentially, "here are things that one race or another finds difficult: this thing, this thing, this thing, and this thing in this setting." Lists, even at a paragraph each, are hard to present smoothly. (2) There were places where I felt that the author could have backed up her perspective with outside data better than she did. I particularly noted this when she talked about interactions that the Black community has with the police. Yes, I know this was written in 2000. Yes, I know this is a much more public topic now. But even in 2000, there had to be SOME data SOMEWHERE that backed up the anecdotes and "general knowledge of the Black community." Focus groups and personal experience are legitimate, but when other data would clearly exist, it would be great to add it in AS WELL.

Now, I'm a White woman writing this. Does this become a case of a White person saying that Williams' and other Black people's experience isn't legitimate until someone else backs it up? I certainly hope not. I hope that I'm saying that I believe that there is information that would bolster and support the Black community's experience. And if it's there, why not give it voice? She did that in the section about affirmative action. I think there were more places where that could have supported her work.

Overall an interesting book that laid open little things (and a few big ones) that are often unspoken between races in this country. And how will we move forward until we find ways to understand each other better?

[A. Ware · Rating 4 out of 5]

A colleague loaned me his copy of this book, and I was halfway done by the end of the day. I found the book to be eye-opening and compelling. On the one hand, I want to think: We're all much more alike than different. However, that's completely dismissing hundreds of years of history and assumes that systematic discrimination isn't going to have much of an impact on one group of people or another.

It's the Little Things is based on dozens of forums between racially diverse groups sharing issues (small and large) that annoy or confuse them in the relationships between races. There are things that would simply never occur to me, and there are other things that I've thought about considerably in the past few years. While the bulk of the book did show issues from the perspectives within the black community, I felt like the author was sympathetic to the various perspectives of whites as well. She even raised some points there that I hadn't given much thought to.

[Ezekiel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Content Note for this book: racist violence discussed

As far as books on this topic from 2000 go this is pretty good. I can imagine using many parts of this for a course/workshop. I appreciate that she didn't try to make everything even handed (as white people it's our job to recognize and acknowledge that after hundreds of years of discriminating against PoC it isn't an "even" situation where the "little things" are evenly balanced where every micro-aggression has an equal and opposite micro-aggression).

Of course a problem with it (in addition to being a bit out of date) is the way it frames race as an either/or between whiteness and blackness. While she does devote one of the last chapters to how other communities of color feel, the framing of the book up until last chapter is black/white only. An early acknowledgment that she was writing from a black experience, and that the book would focus on it because it's what she knew would have been best.

[Jodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although at the time I read this book, the subtitle was "The Everyday Interactions That Get Under the Skin of Black and Whites", the essence of the book remains the same. As a white woman, I considered myself to be well-educated about African-Americans and our relationships until I read this book. I could definitely identify with some of the issues the author described, but others were a complete surprise to me. What I liked the most, however, was that she presented these in a non-judgmental way, such that a non-African-American person can really understand the issue(s) from their point of view. I was glad to have been enlightened by this book, and I believe that reading it played a small part in my becoming a better person.

[Sammy skidmore]

I read this book for black history month and i really liekd it. Its about how the the interactions of black and white people get under both races skin everyday. It talked about the little things that you wouldnt neccasariy think are offensive. I learned that sometimes its considered rude for a white person to run their hands though their hair infront of a black person. I would never have learned about that if i hadnt read this book. You should definitly read this if you want to become a more racially educated person. It reall helped me see the other races perspective. It made me realize that the little things that add up become very big after awhile.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

How can one write a book that discusses racial divisions that doesn't seem to be divisive? It was challenging for me to read many parts of this book as the author commented on things that I do to further racial divisions (e.g. by wearing sweatpants to the grocery, I'm showing off that I am privileged enough to not have to care about what I look like in public....???), but then again, I'm in the majority, so what do I know? Even to me (a pretty liberal liberal), it seemed a little oversensitive, but that in itself made it enlightening. Worth the challenges I felt as I read it.