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A Walk in my Shoes: Questions I’m Often Asked as a Gay Latter-day Saint
President M. Russell Ballard counselled, “We need to listen to and understand what our LGBT brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing. Certainly, we must do better than we have done in the past so that all members feel they have a spiritual home where their brothers and sisters love them and where they have a place to worship and serve the Lord” (BYU Devotional, November 14, 2017). A Walk in My Shoes: Questions I’m Often Asked as a Gay Latter-day Saint invites readers to act upon that counsel by following the journey of Ben Schilaty, a licensed therapist and BYU Honor Code administrator, as he works to reconcile his faith with his sexual orientation.
Each chapter in the book focuses on a question that the author is often asked which he answers using stories from his life and gospel principles. Questions include: Were you born gay? Why do you stay in the Church? Why don’t you marry a woman if marriage is about more than sex? Readers are invited to experience various steps of Ben’s journey with him. A Walk in My Shoes allows readers a glimpse into the life of a single, gay, active Latter-day Saint and provides examples of how they can support and minister to their LGBTQ loved ones.
Each chapter in the book focuses on a question that the author is often asked which he answers using stories from his life and gospel principles. Questions include: Were you born gay? Why do you stay in the Church? Why don’t you marry a woman if marriage is about more than sex? Readers are invited to experience various steps of Ben’s journey with him. A Walk in My Shoes allows readers a glimpse into the life of a single, gay, active Latter-day Saint and provides examples of how they can support and minister to their LGBTQ loved ones.
116 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 4, 2020
47 people are currently reading
1559 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 429 reviews
July 6, 2021
This book is amazing! I wish I could make every LDS church member read this book, or at a minimum every LDS person in church leadership or any LDS person whose understanding of homosexuality was cemented 10+ years ago and does nothing but damage today. As a person of faith who is 1) hoping for a more LGBTQ friendly world, 2) not quite sure how to go about creating that world and 3) not sure how LGBTQ LDS members feel about, well, anything, I am so grateful for this memoir/interpersonal guide that has given me empathy, increased kindness, and a ton of spiritual insight.
Special praise for Ben Schilaty who makes decisions lead by faith and not fear or anger. After reading his experience, I feel like I am just as capable of being faithful during the hardest moments of my life. I could call him a hero or a pioneer, but I don't think he'd like that. I think instead he'd say, "anyone can do this, anyone has access to the spirit I have felt. The way I have been guided is available to all who seek it." I'd believe him.
Special praise for Ben Schilaty who makes decisions lead by faith and not fear or anger. After reading his experience, I feel like I am just as capable of being faithful during the hardest moments of my life. I could call him a hero or a pioneer, but I don't think he'd like that. I think instead he'd say, "anyone can do this, anyone has access to the spirit I have felt. The way I have been guided is available to all who seek it." I'd believe him.
May 20, 2021
So many good lessons I learned by reading this book. Ben's a great person. It was an absolute pleasure to walk in his shoes, and over the past month I have noticed myself more consciously reaching out to others and getting to know them on a personal level than I have before.
One personal anecdote. Ben mentions attending a wedding in Mesa, Arizona, and the inner turmoil he was going through at the wedding, and how before attending the sealing that morning had decided to take time off from the church. I also attended that wedding, and spent significant time with Ben the night before and on the day of. Because of his natural exuberance and positive demeanor, I hadn't the slightest clue that he was going through such a difficult moment. This reminded me of Henry B. Eyring counseling, "[W]hen you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time."
Thank you for making me strive to be a better and more understanding person, Ben.
One personal anecdote. Ben mentions attending a wedding in Mesa, Arizona, and the inner turmoil he was going through at the wedding, and how before attending the sealing that morning had decided to take time off from the church. I also attended that wedding, and spent significant time with Ben the night before and on the day of. Because of his natural exuberance and positive demeanor, I hadn't the slightest clue that he was going through such a difficult moment. This reminded me of Henry B. Eyring counseling, "[W]hen you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time."
Thank you for making me strive to be a better and more understanding person, Ben.
June 5, 2022
Cried throughout
July 18, 2021
Alison’s Summer Reading 8/33
On page 3, Ben Schilaty invites the reader to walk around in his shoes. By page 5, I was in tears.
Trying to negotiate the tensions between one’s sexual orientation and one’s faith, especially in a conservative religion, is not an easy path to walk. This is a beautifully written memoir of one man’s journey.
It is not a how-to book. Schilaty makes the point several times that this is just his story. In fact, he makes a request near the end that no one give this book to an LGBTQ friend or family member who has left their faith tradition but instead ask to hear that person’s own story.
I believe that listening to Schilaty’s story and learning from his insights from his experiences and from the scriptures has made me a better ally.
Like the Book of Mormon prophet Nephi, I do not know the meaning of all things, but I do know that God loves His children, all of them.
On page 3, Ben Schilaty invites the reader to walk around in his shoes. By page 5, I was in tears.
Trying to negotiate the tensions between one’s sexual orientation and one’s faith, especially in a conservative religion, is not an easy path to walk. This is a beautifully written memoir of one man’s journey.
It is not a how-to book. Schilaty makes the point several times that this is just his story. In fact, he makes a request near the end that no one give this book to an LGBTQ friend or family member who has left their faith tradition but instead ask to hear that person’s own story.
I believe that listening to Schilaty’s story and learning from his insights from his experiences and from the scriptures has made me a better ally.
Like the Book of Mormon prophet Nephi, I do not know the meaning of all things, but I do know that God loves His children, all of them.
January 11, 2022
Jan 11, 2022: I have decided to use this book as my selection for my other book club this year. I wanted to read it again before I passed along my copy, and I was surprised how much I loved it even a second time around. There is a lot of great advice and thoughtfulness for any reader— whether your struggles look like his, or are completely different. I’m excited to share this with my friends and have a discussion about it. It’s still a complicated topic, but an important one that affects many.
Feb 16, 2021: This book was so well written and just beautiful. I am grateful to the author for sharing his thoughts and experiences.
Update: I met the author at my book club a few weeks ago. He is an absolutely delightful human being- so friendly, personable, and kind. He told us more about his life and let us ask a bunch of questions. He said something that night that I thought was so profound. (I am heavily paraphrasing here- and I apologize for that because I’m certain the reality was much more eloquent.) He said that this isn’t a book about being gay; it’s a book about finding God that happens to be written by a gay man. He said that he hopes anyone who reads this book will seek to find God and their own path from Him- whatever that may be. I love that sentiment.
Feb 16, 2021: This book was so well written and just beautiful. I am grateful to the author for sharing his thoughts and experiences.
Update: I met the author at my book club a few weeks ago. He is an absolutely delightful human being- so friendly, personable, and kind. He told us more about his life and let us ask a bunch of questions. He said something that night that I thought was so profound. (I am heavily paraphrasing here- and I apologize for that because I’m certain the reality was much more eloquent.) He said that this isn’t a book about being gay; it’s a book about finding God that happens to be written by a gay man. He said that he hopes anyone who reads this book will seek to find God and their own path from Him- whatever that may be. I love that sentiment.
February 12, 2021
Ben does an incredible job of illuminating what it’s like to decide to forge your own path and live a deliberate life. Every page is filled with wisdom on how to chart your own course and live authentically. Most importantly, this book illustrates what it can really mean to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.
July 11, 2021
This book did an incredible job of opening my heart to understanding more of the complexities of what our LGBTQ+ family goes through. It meant so much to read Ben's real and vulnerable stories, and my love and understanding for anyone with similar experiences grew exponentially.
What I didn't expect was how much I'd also learn about myself. While Ben's specific struggles are different from my own, it was still a healing balm for me in my own life since Ben's messages are full of universal hope and love for anyone struggling and striving to become better.
Ben succeeds in helping readers develop empathy and work towards creating a "spiritual home" where all of our brothers and sisters can feel loved, heard, and understood. At its core, this is really a book about the Atonement and becoming more like the Savior, and I can't recommend it enough.
What I didn't expect was how much I'd also learn about myself. While Ben's specific struggles are different from my own, it was still a healing balm for me in my own life since Ben's messages are full of universal hope and love for anyone struggling and striving to become better.
Ben succeeds in helping readers develop empathy and work towards creating a "spiritual home" where all of our brothers and sisters can feel loved, heard, and understood. At its core, this is really a book about the Atonement and becoming more like the Savior, and I can't recommend it enough.
February 15, 2021
There are few books that I feel deserve more than five stars. Five stars is typically praise enough, but this book deserves more. Read it, please. I want to be more like Ben in my search for truth and my efforts to love others.
February 25, 2025
I can’t help but be biased, because Ben is my friend. This book was so beautifully done. It was comprehensive, tender, kind and encouraging. I am impressed with the level of vulnerability shared. And it was powerfully and honestly done.
Ben’s mastery of scripture in this book is evidence of the hours he’s spent learning and relying on God for direction. Well done! And I can’t wait until he writes part 2, when he shares all his insights from the second half of his life.
Ben Schilaty is a gift and everyone should read his book.
Ben’s mastery of scripture in this book is evidence of the hours he’s spent learning and relying on God for direction. Well done! And I can’t wait until he writes part 2, when he shares all his insights from the second half of his life.
Ben Schilaty is a gift and everyone should read his book.
October 20, 2021
Ben Schilaty is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints -- a Mormon. He works for the Honor Code Office at Brigham Young University. He speaks at firesides and has serves in his ward. And he's gay.
I really appreciated short, readable book. I think we as a Church are starting to do better at listening to those we've previously pushed to the margins.
One unique insight from this book: the November 2015 policy is one in which many members (including myself) thought of as pertaining to children of gay and lesbian couples, but it also deemed those who entered into gay marriage as "apostates." This is the part that hurt Ben the most; though he hadn't chosen to be in a gay relationship, there was a part of him that really wanted to be, and he had fallen in love with a man at one point, though he ultimately chose not to enter into that relationship because he wanted to stay in the Church. He understood that the Church's teachings were incongruous with gay marriage, but to be labeled as a near-apostate by the Church he had sacrificed so much for had really stung. I hadn't even considered this perspective or how that word "apostate" would be interpreted; I have been thinking about what that means about my Church and my own biases.
Much like Charlie Bird's book (Without the Mask), I found this book to be relatable, even as a straight woman. We all wrestle with shame, and it's so tempting to hide or pretend -- but ultimately we find freedom in vulnerability. I appreciated Ben's example in setting aside shame and living with authenticity.
Ben emphasizes that this his story, and it's not meant to be prescriptive for what gay people in the Church should do. Instead, he is hoping to share insights with straight members of the Church so that we may better understand. I am really grateful for those like Ben who are brave enough to tell their stories.
I really appreciated short, readable book. I think we as a Church are starting to do better at listening to those we've previously pushed to the margins.
One unique insight from this book: the November 2015 policy is one in which many members (including myself) thought of as pertaining to children of gay and lesbian couples, but it also deemed those who entered into gay marriage as "apostates." This is the part that hurt Ben the most; though he hadn't chosen to be in a gay relationship, there was a part of him that really wanted to be, and he had fallen in love with a man at one point, though he ultimately chose not to enter into that relationship because he wanted to stay in the Church. He understood that the Church's teachings were incongruous with gay marriage, but to be labeled as a near-apostate by the Church he had sacrificed so much for had really stung. I hadn't even considered this perspective or how that word "apostate" would be interpreted; I have been thinking about what that means about my Church and my own biases.
Much like Charlie Bird's book (Without the Mask), I found this book to be relatable, even as a straight woman. We all wrestle with shame, and it's so tempting to hide or pretend -- but ultimately we find freedom in vulnerability. I appreciated Ben's example in setting aside shame and living with authenticity.
Ben emphasizes that this his story, and it's not meant to be prescriptive for what gay people in the Church should do. Instead, he is hoping to share insights with straight members of the Church so that we may better understand. I am really grateful for those like Ben who are brave enough to tell their stories.
October 16, 2022
This is a hard one for me to rate. On the one hand, Ben Schilaty does a great job relaying his story and easing a straight Latter-day Saint readership into some fundamental insights. No reader could doubt Schilaty's commitment to the restored gospel, the fact that he's gay, or that he has tried really hard to be straight, or at least straight-facing, to no avail. I was touched that Schilaty trusted us with so many details about his life. His vulnerability really underscores his answers to the sixteen questions he addresses. If I could consider what Schilaty has written, over and apart from the environment he has written it in, I'd give him 5 stars.
At the same time, though, this memoir was heart-breaking. This is not a criticism of Schilaty. He has found ways—really inventive, inspiring ways—to stay involved in LDS communities and to build rewarding, enriching networks of LDS family and close-friends as an out, gay man. It is simply unimaginable that he could have done so 40 or even 20 years ago. I do worry that his niche is so unique that it will apply to vanishingly few other LGBTQ LDSs. And Schilaty himself recognizes this, explicitly telling the straight reader not to give his book to their LGBTQ family member or friend. Really, this is a recognition that straight LDSs are the gatekeepers; we are the ones that need to build welcoming and supportive environments for our LGBTQ siblings.
So even though Schilaty never addresses it—I mean, he really bends over backward to not address it, I think—the either/or paradigm he is forced to navigate (i.e. he can either be a fully-active Latter-day Saint, or he can be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship) is so horribly, depressingly toxic. In the end, this book left me with even greater doubts that straight LDSs will ever manage to undo the harm we have done and continue to perpetuate on our LGBTQ members.
At the same time, though, this memoir was heart-breaking. This is not a criticism of Schilaty. He has found ways—really inventive, inspiring ways—to stay involved in LDS communities and to build rewarding, enriching networks of LDS family and close-friends as an out, gay man. It is simply unimaginable that he could have done so 40 or even 20 years ago. I do worry that his niche is so unique that it will apply to vanishingly few other LGBTQ LDSs. And Schilaty himself recognizes this, explicitly telling the straight reader not to give his book to their LGBTQ family member or friend. Really, this is a recognition that straight LDSs are the gatekeepers; we are the ones that need to build welcoming and supportive environments for our LGBTQ siblings.
So even though Schilaty never addresses it—I mean, he really bends over backward to not address it, I think—the either/or paradigm he is forced to navigate (i.e. he can either be a fully-active Latter-day Saint, or he can be in a healthy, fulfilling relationship) is so horribly, depressingly toxic. In the end, this book left me with even greater doubts that straight LDSs will ever manage to undo the harm we have done and continue to perpetuate on our LGBTQ members.
January 6, 2022
I'm so impressed with Ben and his faithful journey. I loved the format responding to specific questions that straight faithful members might have. I always feel just a little bit wary of stories like this because orthodox members can point to it and say "see????? You can just stay single and faithful and be fiiiiiiiiine! You'll be so blessed!!!!" (and admittedly, Ben said the same thing-that this is a dangerous and judgmental approach we should avoid).
I really really appreciated his frankness in sharing times the church hurt him and times the doctrine conflicted with what he felt and knew. I was inspired by his trust and faith. Definitely a good, fast read for anyone wanting to learn more about LGBTQ+ Mormons and how to be an ally.
I really really appreciated his frankness in sharing times the church hurt him and times the doctrine conflicted with what he felt and knew. I was inspired by his trust and faith. Definitely a good, fast read for anyone wanting to learn more about LGBTQ+ Mormons and how to be an ally.
May 25, 2022
Feel like every member should read this. I liked how it was broken up into different questions and his answers and experiences that went with it. Highly recommend.
January 27, 2022
This was my book club's pick for January 2022. I think it is a must read for everyone especially members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
In this memoir the author discusses the conflicts between his sexual orientation and his faith. He beautifully and painfully articulates the deliberate journey that he has chosen which is staying in the church or as he says it "going forward in the church."
I loved Ben Schilaty's authenticity and his willingness to address the difficult parts of his faith head on and then to go forward with love in his heart to help others learn to listen to and understand our LGBTQ brothers and sisters better. I appreciated him talking openly and honestly about ways that he has been hurt by his faith and his membership in the church. I also appreciated him talking about the things that have likewise strengthened him.
I loved his deep scriptural and doctrinal knowledge of the gospel. His knowledge added a rich perspective to his story. He made me think about particular scriptures in new insightful and enlightening ways. There were perspectives that I hadn't even considered. Ben helped me to understand the atonement of Jesus Christ on a deeper level.
I was surprised to discover that Ben Schilaty works in the Honor Code Office at BYU. What a bright light he must be. His life experience, vulnerability, and candor has to add a rich perspective at BYU. I know that I appreciated him sharing his journey with me and the rest of his readers. This book is a great reminder of the deep love that our Father in Heaven has for his LGBTQ children.
The author inspired me with his deep faith and trust in the Lord. He inspired me to do more to help my LGBTQ brothers and sisters feel loved, accepted, welcome, seen, and understood. This is a wonderful book about finding God, loving others, and accepting oneself.
My Rating: Wonderful
In this memoir the author discusses the conflicts between his sexual orientation and his faith. He beautifully and painfully articulates the deliberate journey that he has chosen which is staying in the church or as he says it "going forward in the church."
I loved Ben Schilaty's authenticity and his willingness to address the difficult parts of his faith head on and then to go forward with love in his heart to help others learn to listen to and understand our LGBTQ brothers and sisters better. I appreciated him talking openly and honestly about ways that he has been hurt by his faith and his membership in the church. I also appreciated him talking about the things that have likewise strengthened him.
I loved his deep scriptural and doctrinal knowledge of the gospel. His knowledge added a rich perspective to his story. He made me think about particular scriptures in new insightful and enlightening ways. There were perspectives that I hadn't even considered. Ben helped me to understand the atonement of Jesus Christ on a deeper level.
I was surprised to discover that Ben Schilaty works in the Honor Code Office at BYU. What a bright light he must be. His life experience, vulnerability, and candor has to add a rich perspective at BYU. I know that I appreciated him sharing his journey with me and the rest of his readers. This book is a great reminder of the deep love that our Father in Heaven has for his LGBTQ children.
The author inspired me with his deep faith and trust in the Lord. He inspired me to do more to help my LGBTQ brothers and sisters feel loved, accepted, welcome, seen, and understood. This is a wonderful book about finding God, loving others, and accepting oneself.
My Rating: Wonderful
February 15, 2022
4.5 stars. The book can be summed up with the author's own words: "There isn't one way to be gay, and there isn't one way to be a Latter-day Saint." (P.154) I really appreciate that he acknowledges that his way of being a gay church member is not for everyone.
I also appreciate one of his parting statements:
"If you are tempted to give this book to an LGBTQ friend or loved one who has chosen to step away from the Church, I would ask you to resist that temptation and pause for a moment. Instead of giving them my story, can you invite them to tell you theirs?" (P. 164)
Shouldn't we all be trying to walk in each other's shoes? To understand and lift each other? Great messages in this book.
I also appreciate one of his parting statements:
"If you are tempted to give this book to an LGBTQ friend or loved one who has chosen to step away from the Church, I would ask you to resist that temptation and pause for a moment. Instead of giving them my story, can you invite them to tell you theirs?" (P. 164)
Shouldn't we all be trying to walk in each other's shoes? To understand and lift each other? Great messages in this book.
June 16, 2021
I Loved this book and would recommend it to any member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The feeling I had when I read this book were very similar to the feelings I have when I attend the North Star conferences - full of love and compassion. Ben does an amazing job explaining his experiences in a way that helped me understand a different perspective and feel a little taste of what it is like to be a gay member of my church. It made me want to be a better person. It made me want to be a better ally and it made me want to ask the Lord to direct me in my unique, individual life. Thank you Ben for writing this story. Thank you for being honest and thank you for teaching us.
October 20, 2023
Great memoir written to give a unique perspective from a gay man who is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He helps understand what he believes and how he lives and hopes it gives empathy. He has a great writing style that made the book easy to read, even though the themes are pretty introspective and thought provoking.
January 9, 2024
I am grateful Ben was willing to be so open about his experiences. This book is thoughtfully written: each chapter begins with a question (e.g., "When did you know you were gay?" or "Why do you stay in the church?"), and then Ben talks about some of his experiences and thought processes in answering that question. One of the things I most appreciated about this book is how Ben describes ways he has sought and received personal answers to his own questions and concerns from heaven.
Ben is very careful to frequently remind his readers that this book serves as an insight into his own experience not as an expression of what others should or should not think/feel/do. Which definitely felt like the right way to go about it. But it did leave me wishing for more insight into how those who may have received less support navigate their experiences with being LGBTQ. But I guess I don't need that insight to apply takeaways from this book that will help me be a better ally.
That was another thing I appreciated about this book--I felt like it taught me implicitly how to use and understand terminology that I've been confused about based on different ways I've heard words used (e.g., "ally" and "pride").
Overall, I highly recommend reading this. Ben's honesty, transparency, and insight is deeply moving.
Ben is very careful to frequently remind his readers that this book serves as an insight into his own experience not as an expression of what others should or should not think/feel/do. Which definitely felt like the right way to go about it. But it did leave me wishing for more insight into how those who may have received less support navigate their experiences with being LGBTQ. But I guess I don't need that insight to apply takeaways from this book that will help me be a better ally.
That was another thing I appreciated about this book--I felt like it taught me implicitly how to use and understand terminology that I've been confused about based on different ways I've heard words used (e.g., "ally" and "pride").
Overall, I highly recommend reading this. Ben's honesty, transparency, and insight is deeply moving.
November 12, 2025
This was such a thought provoking book for me. One that would have made me very uncomfortable 10 years ago. One that made me uncomfortable in different ways today. I cried in public multiple times while reading in waiting rooms. His stories are so poignant, raw, and vulnerable. Some are sad. Some are joyful. One reason I love reading is because it lets me see through the eyes of someone in a situation I will likely never be in. It lets me broaden my awareness and empathy. This book is no exception.
Unexpectedly I was able to relate the principles of the book to myself. Not because I am LGBTQ, but because of the way he expresses his struggles. I found myself asking myself questions like, “What struggles do I have that I’m ashamed to share with others out of fear?” “How could I build my faith in the middle of something really hard, when the hard comes from something inside the church?”
I expected to come out of this with a broadened world view, which I did. I didn’t expect to come out with deep introspection about my own life. Well written, Ben.
Unexpectedly I was able to relate the principles of the book to myself. Not because I am LGBTQ, but because of the way he expresses his struggles. I found myself asking myself questions like, “What struggles do I have that I’m ashamed to share with others out of fear?” “How could I build my faith in the middle of something really hard, when the hard comes from something inside the church?”
I expected to come out of this with a broadened world view, which I did. I didn’t expect to come out with deep introspection about my own life. Well written, Ben.
April 27, 2023
Ben is a little too much of a Church apologist for me, but his story is important. A great and sobering read to gain perspective about a gay Latter Day Saint. I really liked how he said something like, if you are thinking of giving this book to one of your gay ex Mormon friends or family members, please don't. Just talk to them and ask them for their story. I also really liked the quotes he started each chapter with. I saved a few of them!
June 18, 2023
Wow. This is such a thoughtful book about the author’s experiences. His insights changed the way I view my own faith and how I want to live my faith. I want to be more myself just like he is himself. And allow others the same Grace the Savior gives.
Loved this book. Recommend it to anyone.
Loved this book. Recommend it to anyone.
December 10, 2023
What a quick, accessible, uplifting little book! Ben’s story is worth hearing and I’m grateful to him for sharing so much of it.
April 16, 2021
I really appreciated hearing his perspective, but most of all I appreciated his concern that each person's journey is their own. His gay life is his journey and shouldn't be the pattern for every gay man in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints. I think those who don't acknowledge that have failed to walk in his, or any other gay person's, shoes.
I did find it interesting though that he was so focused on making sure others walked in his shoes, that towards the end of the book he shares coming out with one friend and being disappointed that her immediate response was all about herself, but failed to recognize that he was also being self-centered. It is important for all people to try to understand others and walk in their shoes, showing empathy and compassion, not just for straight people to understand gay people. We all have our Goliaths to conquer and everyone needs grace.
But overall, it is a very insightful book and has some good advice to help gay saints feel loved and welcome in our church.
I did find it interesting though that he was so focused on making sure others walked in his shoes, that towards the end of the book he shares coming out with one friend and being disappointed that her immediate response was all about herself, but failed to recognize that he was also being self-centered. It is important for all people to try to understand others and walk in their shoes, showing empathy and compassion, not just for straight people to understand gay people. We all have our Goliaths to conquer and everyone needs grace.
But overall, it is a very insightful book and has some good advice to help gay saints feel loved and welcome in our church.
March 23, 2021
This book was beautifully enlightening. Ben's sincere and candid remarks helped me to better understand the perspective of LGBTQ Latter-day Saints as they navigate life. I feel empowered to be a better ally and friend to my LGBTQ friends. I'm inspired by Ben's courage, faith and resilience to live his faith. His knowledge and use of the scriptures and words of prophets, apostles, and church leaders was impressive and demonstrates a lifelong pursuit of seeking God and understanding His will for His children. Thank you Ben for being who you are and allowing us to understand better!
January 20, 2021
This truly is a walk in Schilaty's shoes as a gay member of the LDS church. And what a moving walk. He is incredibly vulnerable as he shares his hopes, fears, despairs, struggles, joys, and what his experiences have taught him. He shares many beautiful and personal experiences and insights with humor, positivity, and faith. I hope this book finds a wide audience within the membership of the church. This is the memoir that LGBTQ members of the church and church members in general need right now.
April 27, 2021
It was interesting to get insight from a new angle. I was surprised to find things he said that applied to my relationships with others and with myself.
July 10, 2022
literally read one chapter of this book 9 months ago and didn’t pick it up again til today, when I read the entire rest in one sitting. it’s a short read haha but I couldn’t put it down. Ben is the most wonderful person! this book helped me learn to be a better ally and true friend to others while strengthening my testimony of Jesus Christ. top things I learned:
- the importance of listening to someone’s story!!! not to say anything profound, but to let them be heard and to accept them, even (especially?) when they’re still figuring things out or when their path diverges from yours.
- to strive to be okay with uncertainty. I always want crystal clear answers and I was inspired by Ben’s willingness to sit and work through often painful periods of life.
- literally just so much about personal revelation and God’s plan idk if I could sum it up. letting your path and others’ paths look different. trusting that God is in each person’s life, even when it’s different than you’d expect.
- be a friend, even if you are sometimes an imperfect friend. being present and vulnerable is more important than being perfect.
I am far from a perfect ally and I have a lot of questions that I’m working through still, but this book brought so much hope and guidance to me. I felt God’s love for all His children! all the stars
- the importance of listening to someone’s story!!! not to say anything profound, but to let them be heard and to accept them, even (especially?) when they’re still figuring things out or when their path diverges from yours.
- to strive to be okay with uncertainty. I always want crystal clear answers and I was inspired by Ben’s willingness to sit and work through often painful periods of life.
- literally just so much about personal revelation and God’s plan idk if I could sum it up. letting your path and others’ paths look different. trusting that God is in each person’s life, even when it’s different than you’d expect.
- be a friend, even if you are sometimes an imperfect friend. being present and vulnerable is more important than being perfect.
I am far from a perfect ally and I have a lot of questions that I’m working through still, but this book brought so much hope and guidance to me. I felt God’s love for all His children! all the stars
January 2, 2025
I am really glad I read this book. I think it would benefit all members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This one combined with Charlie Bird's Expanding the Borders of Zion really help give perspective and compassion regarding some difficult questions and different life experiences. At one point I felt a bit uncomfortable at the private details Ben was sharing. I thought, "He shouldn't have to share these private things about his life with the whole world." But then I realized two things. One, he didn't have to, but he chose to be vulnerable to help others understand what it is like to be gay and a member of the church. And two, the fact that he chose to share helped me to be better equipped to keep the covenants I have made to bear the burdens of those around me and comfort those in need of comfort. Thank you for sharing this window into your life, Ben.
March 9, 2024
Ben is a great public speaker and has done so much good for the LGBTQ community in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
His writing flows much like his public speaking style, he uses very simplistic language with a touch of humor. I’m so happy to hear that he has recently made the decision to date men and I hope he finds all of the happiness that he’s looking for on the rest of his journey.
His writing flows much like his public speaking style, he uses very simplistic language with a touch of humor. I’m so happy to hear that he has recently made the decision to date men and I hope he finds all of the happiness that he’s looking for on the rest of his journey.
May 30, 2022
As I've been reading about the Latter-day Saint LGBTQ+ experience due to family members experiencing similarly, I feel I've been led to read certain books, and I now think I've read them in the right order for me. Ben Schilaty's strength in his example and sharing his experiences is invaluable in understanding the journey of an LGBTQ+ member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and while every person's situation and experience are different just hearing another's perspective is hugely helpful in gaining knowledge and understanding. 💗
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