I don’t even know what this book was. Definitely not the trans found family, weird SciFi story I had expected from the synopsis. For most of this book I had literally no clue what it was trying to say. I know it was partly about social media fame, and also about trans people being jealous of each other, but that’s all I can tell you. It mentioned tons of other themes too, but the thing is, it never really went into any of them at any depth. It just jumped around from topic to topic, without ever coming to any conclusions, and it was so confusing. There’s probably supposed to be a message here (or several), but I could not figure out what it was.
Let’s talk about the writing, because I couldn’t stand it. It felt so distant and unemotional, which I don’t think is what this story needed at all. I partly blame the writing style for how disconnected I felt from all the characters and everything that was happening in here. This book also made me notice that I hate it when abbreviations like TBH are used in a novel (unless there’s text messages or sth included and they are used in those), and also that I can’t stand the word “bod”. Also, why are we spelling str8 like this now? Did I miss something? Does it have a different meaning from when it’s spelled straight, because in case it doesn’t, it’s annoying as hell. Same with using initials instead of names for no reason at all.
Then there’s the way this jumps around from one thought to the next. Nothing was ever completed, for 90% of the content in here I had no clue what the point of it even was, there’s all those random discussions, that I hesitate to even call discussions because they had no clear point of conclusion, that didn’t really have anything to do with the actual story, and I was just so confused. I think maybe this just tried to pack way too many things into one book, and in the end most of them felt like they didn’t fit into the story at all.
The world was so boring, which I am mad about, because it sounded like a really weird and unique SciFi world from the synopsis, but honestly there aren’t a lot of SciFi aspects, and the ones that are there were pretty underwhelming, and the worldbuilding felt super incomplete. Especially the Shadowlands were not explained at all. I really though this would create some kind of amazing metaphor there, but it did nothing.
The characters were all super flat as well, I can’t tell you anything about anyone’s personality, and, worst of all, this did not feel like a found family story to me. I didn’t even think any of those characters liked each other at all? Which then lead to a lot of things (especially that one wedding!) feeling super cringe-y. And is that relationship between Stone and Pen supposed to be romantic, because I can’t really picture anything that would deserve that word less?
Then there is a scene where Pen’s therapists responds to Pen saying all he wants to do is have sex with: “Thank god, you’re finally turning into a person.” Seriously, books need to stop that narrative that not wanting to have sex is unhealthy/unnatural. Talking about sex, I was cringing so hard at the sex scenes. I know I keep asking for kinky content in books that aren’t smutty romances, but this is not what I wanted. I think the writing style definitely played a huge role in why the sex scenes were quite so uncomfortable, although my personal limits around vaginal sex and sexual DDLG (as well as spanking only being a sadomasochism thing and not a sex thing in my mind) definitely made things even worse.
Also, despite this being own-voices, I noticed a few issues with the trans rep I've seen trans people call out in other stories a lot, and even things I know to be factually wrong. Like, an own-voices story, and a newly published one at that, using the word “transgendered”? How even?? It also keeps saying “a trans” and I really don’t know any trans people who would talk like that. Also the way we got told both Aiden’s and Blithe’s deadname felt super weird to me, there was really no good reason or context for why we would get told those, they were just dropped so randomly. And then there’s a line where Pen thinks a guy is definitely not trans because his chest doesn’t have any scars, which just doesn’t make sense, because sometimes top surgery scars heal completely, and some types of surgeries leave fewer scars than others to start with.
There’s also several mentions of how trans guys were “as girls”. It would be one thing if only Pen didn’t feel like he had always been a guy, but he applied those same ideas to other trans men, for example there’s a point where he thinks about which kind of girl Blithe would have been, and if it would have been difficult for him to give that up. I always thought that kind of thing was one of the textbook ignorant cis person quotes, so I was shocked to find it in an own-voices book. We really don’t need more things feeding into the idea that trans guys were once girls, and I really hate it when books take the experience of the main character and try to apply it to all people who are part of the same minority. And this also pretends that in order for women to be attracted to trans guys they need to be queer, which isn't only false, there's definitely straight women who are into trans guys, but it also implies that having sex with trans guys is different from how it is with cis men, specifically in a way that it's a little more like having sex with woman. At this point I am seriously begging authors to write some books about trans men who aren't into vaginal sex, because I know they exist, so where the fuck is their rep? Also, by saying women are queer when they like trans men, it's kind of also saying I'm not gay for having been attracted to trans men before, which honestly, fuck you for implying that.