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Please, Don't Send Me Flowers: A Memoir
From the Back CoverFrom divorce, to coming out, to cancer, Lianne Saffer tells an honest and hilarious account of her last 15 years. In it, she describes the often-painful discovery of her own resilience and the process of learning to trust herself along the way. Lianne’s engaging storytelling weaves in the themes of small-town religious family upbringing, redefining modern femininity, and navigating life’s complexities. Despite the heavy topics, her fierce reflections and lessons are grounded in vulnerability and the perfect dose of humor. Lianne’s story has you altering between laughing and crying, and it’s a must-read for anyone who has ever considered sending someone flowers.
Reviews by Real People★★★★★ "Obsessed! Every single page is magic!" — Kamelle Mills
"Have some tissues ready for the vivid and raw insights she shares, both sad and happy. She makes resilience tangible for her readers, offering an honest look into life's most challening moments. But don't worry— Lianne has a knack for injecting perfectly measured, well-timed sarcasm for comedic relief." — Val C.
"In her raw, captivating style, Lianne punches a hole in what separates us from one another, inviting us to peer into her interior world so we can recognize a bit of ourselves." — Colleen Bordeaux, author of Am I Doing This Right?
"An inspiring and authentic story of how to break out of your own box, be f*cking resilient, and spread joy along the way." — Jamie Opra
About the AuthorLianne Saffer often describes her life as an endless quest to feel it all. She is a wife, mother, writer, life coach, fitness instructor, hair stylist, and advocate for helping people live a loud and authentic life. In her free time, she enjoys listening to her music a little too loud, dancing with her kids, paddle boarding (or doing anything really) with her wife, making jokes that only she thinks are funny, and writing. She lives in Portland with her wife and two kids.
A Note from the AuthorI wrote Please, Don't Send Me Flowers in hopes of opening up conversation around challenges in relationships, sexuality, religion, and cancer. I wrote it to help people feel validated, seen, challenged, and heard. I wrote it because I knew nothing about what these situations really felt like until they happened to me, despite knowing that they were happening all around me. Still, nobody was talking about them. I wrote it because I needed the world to see humor and joy within dark moments. I wrote it because I wish I had read it years ago. I wrote it in hopes that somewhere within its pages, people will see a glimpse of themselves and feel less alone and less afraid, and maybe crack a smile.
Reviews by Real People★★★★★ "Obsessed! Every single page is magic!" — Kamelle Mills
"Have some tissues ready for the vivid and raw insights she shares, both sad and happy. She makes resilience tangible for her readers, offering an honest look into life's most challening moments. But don't worry— Lianne has a knack for injecting perfectly measured, well-timed sarcasm for comedic relief." — Val C.
"In her raw, captivating style, Lianne punches a hole in what separates us from one another, inviting us to peer into her interior world so we can recognize a bit of ourselves." — Colleen Bordeaux, author of Am I Doing This Right?
"An inspiring and authentic story of how to break out of your own box, be f*cking resilient, and spread joy along the way." — Jamie Opra
About the AuthorLianne Saffer often describes her life as an endless quest to feel it all. She is a wife, mother, writer, life coach, fitness instructor, hair stylist, and advocate for helping people live a loud and authentic life. In her free time, she enjoys listening to her music a little too loud, dancing with her kids, paddle boarding (or doing anything really) with her wife, making jokes that only she thinks are funny, and writing. She lives in Portland with her wife and two kids.
A Note from the AuthorI wrote Please, Don't Send Me Flowers in hopes of opening up conversation around challenges in relationships, sexuality, religion, and cancer. I wrote it to help people feel validated, seen, challenged, and heard. I wrote it because I knew nothing about what these situations really felt like until they happened to me, despite knowing that they were happening all around me. Still, nobody was talking about them. I wrote it because I needed the world to see humor and joy within dark moments. I wrote it because I wish I had read it years ago. I wrote it in hopes that somewhere within its pages, people will see a glimpse of themselves and feel less alone and less afraid, and maybe crack a smile.
- GenresMemoir
324 pages, Kindle Edition
Published December 31, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
January 1, 2021
Could NOT put this book down!!!
From the first sentence of the first page I was hooked. Lianne Saffer does an AMAZING job of painting a picture so real, so tangible, I felt like I was going through the challenges with her. From the babies that never stopped crying, to struggles of mothering with an absent spouse, to surviving an abusive marriage, to coming out to her parents, I felt it all. Her trials, tribulations and triumphs with breast cancer brought me to me knees with tears of sadness, pain, and joy. This is a MUST read for anyone and everyone that has a mother, sister, or daughter. I can’t wait to read her next book!
From the first sentence of the first page I was hooked. Lianne Saffer does an AMAZING job of painting a picture so real, so tangible, I felt like I was going through the challenges with her. From the babies that never stopped crying, to struggles of mothering with an absent spouse, to surviving an abusive marriage, to coming out to her parents, I felt it all. Her trials, tribulations and triumphs with breast cancer brought me to me knees with tears of sadness, pain, and joy. This is a MUST read for anyone and everyone that has a mother, sister, or daughter. I can’t wait to read her next book!
January 15, 2021
If you want a book you can’t put down, look no further. It’s raw, it’s real, it’s a book that you won’t forget. Highly recommend!
January 3, 2021
Just finished this book in less than 24 hours because I couldn’t put it down. If you are a Glennon Doyla fan, you will also be a Lianne Saffer fan. Also, if anyone reads these and makes magic happen could they do a podcast together? I have a feeling it would be out of this world. Second, get ready for all the feels while reading. I laughed, I cried and during one scene I even really wanted to dance. Because yes, I did wish I could pick someone else up during their last round of chemo. There is beauty in telling your story and I’m so glad Lianne shared hers.
January 4, 2021
Loved it!
What started as a Sunday morning coffee read, quickly led to an all day reading in bed marathon. I loved this book, and I love the way Lianne writes!
What started as a Sunday morning coffee read, quickly led to an all day reading in bed marathon. I loved this book, and I love the way Lianne writes!
May 16, 2021
Everyone needs a Lianne Saffer in their life. You know...that friend who doesn’t sugar coat things. The friend that won’t tell you what you want to hear but instead, what you NEED to hear. I strive to be this kind of person in other peoples lives.
After reading this book I don’t know that I will never send my wife flowers again. However, I will surely think about the reasoning behind the gesture before I do. While avoiding sending flowers is the title and a major point in the book, it’s not the whole point. Spoiler Alert: she even thanks those who sent flowers in the acknowledgements at the end. Saffer didn’t write this book solely to convince us not so send flowers or put florists out of business. She wrote this book because she has been through some shit and just maybe someone out there can relate. Mission accomplished.
This book is divided in three parts:
Part I - Divorce: She begins by describing her divorce after 11 years of marriage. It was not her intent to bash her ex-husband. The story is told unabashedly, and I know is relatable to so many women before her, and likely after. I am glad that she was brave enough to tell her story. I know that it will resonate with someone and hopefully give them courage to leave a relationship where they have lost their voice and a piece of themselves in the process.
Part 2 - Love: The second part of the book is about meeting her wife and love of her life. I absolutely love this part and felt I could relate in my own relationship. I highly recommend getting a wife.
Part 3 - Cancer: Saffer bravely shares her grueling battle with breast cancer. It’s not likely that anyone would question her boldness and bravery from parts one and two of the book, but if anyone is, those feelings will dissolve immediately. I have never witnessed anyone tell it all like Saffer has in this book. I have a mother who has suffered from breast cancer for years. There are a lot of pink ribbons and too many people saying, “You are in my prayers” to count. Saffer lays it all out there. This is raw, emotional, and impactful. It is essential not only for a person suffering from cancer but also to those caring for them. It is a step-by-step guide on what NOT to say. Get a copy of this book. We will all have a time in our lives where we need to be there for someone who has cancer or just lost a loved one. Don’t be the person who says the worst thing possible. And please, don’t send flowers.
I love that in her About the Author section Saffer states that this is her first book. I certainly hope it isn’t her last. Saffer is a gifted writer and it’s actually pretty shocking to know this is a debut book for her. The book is also self-published which is no easy feat. I recommend this book 100 times over.
After reading this book I don’t know that I will never send my wife flowers again. However, I will surely think about the reasoning behind the gesture before I do. While avoiding sending flowers is the title and a major point in the book, it’s not the whole point. Spoiler Alert: she even thanks those who sent flowers in the acknowledgements at the end. Saffer didn’t write this book solely to convince us not so send flowers or put florists out of business. She wrote this book because she has been through some shit and just maybe someone out there can relate. Mission accomplished.
This book is divided in three parts:
Part I - Divorce: She begins by describing her divorce after 11 years of marriage. It was not her intent to bash her ex-husband. The story is told unabashedly, and I know is relatable to so many women before her, and likely after. I am glad that she was brave enough to tell her story. I know that it will resonate with someone and hopefully give them courage to leave a relationship where they have lost their voice and a piece of themselves in the process.
Part 2 - Love: The second part of the book is about meeting her wife and love of her life. I absolutely love this part and felt I could relate in my own relationship. I highly recommend getting a wife.
Part 3 - Cancer: Saffer bravely shares her grueling battle with breast cancer. It’s not likely that anyone would question her boldness and bravery from parts one and two of the book, but if anyone is, those feelings will dissolve immediately. I have never witnessed anyone tell it all like Saffer has in this book. I have a mother who has suffered from breast cancer for years. There are a lot of pink ribbons and too many people saying, “You are in my prayers” to count. Saffer lays it all out there. This is raw, emotional, and impactful. It is essential not only for a person suffering from cancer but also to those caring for them. It is a step-by-step guide on what NOT to say. Get a copy of this book. We will all have a time in our lives where we need to be there for someone who has cancer or just lost a loved one. Don’t be the person who says the worst thing possible. And please, don’t send flowers.
I love that in her About the Author section Saffer states that this is her first book. I certainly hope it isn’t her last. Saffer is a gifted writer and it’s actually pretty shocking to know this is a debut book for her. The book is also self-published which is no easy feat. I recommend this book 100 times over.
January 3, 2021
One of my Instagram “friends”, not sure you could call us friends. We met in college and I thought she was awesome so I wanted to follow her life. Anyways, she wrote a book so I decided to download it. Let’s just say I finished the book almost as soon as I downloaded it. This is her “memoir” but as I was reading it at some parts I felt like she was telling my story, yet it wasn’t actually my story. It was beautiful! I laughed, cried, got flashbacks to bad times in my life but ended with hope.
June 25, 2023
Authentic and Beautiful
Lianne Saffer writes a bit like a trucker talks, but it is easy to accept as her authenticity bounds off the pages. While exploring several unexpected turns in her life, including her cancer diagnosis, a divorce and coming out, Saffer stays true to herself--using no one else's measuring stick. This makes her a lovable narrator that you root for and learn from. There are phrases and paragraphs in this book that I went back to read again because the turn of phrase often had two meanings--one true at first glance and one more true, certain to leave you with a deeper understanding of the way loss and growth are universally related.
Lianne Saffer writes a bit like a trucker talks, but it is easy to accept as her authenticity bounds off the pages. While exploring several unexpected turns in her life, including her cancer diagnosis, a divorce and coming out, Saffer stays true to herself--using no one else's measuring stick. This makes her a lovable narrator that you root for and learn from. There are phrases and paragraphs in this book that I went back to read again because the turn of phrase often had two meanings--one true at first glance and one more true, certain to leave you with a deeper understanding of the way loss and growth are universally related.
January 23, 2021
Stayed up all night reading this one.
Very raw with a helping of humor. Valuable perspective for anyone going through shit or trying to support someone who is. A reminder that we can choose how to spend what time we get on this earth, even in the worst circumstances. We don’t have to stay stuck, or lay down and die.
Shout out to @writinghelpkc for being part of the editing process and supporting new authors in sharing their stories. Can’t wait to read the next project that passes through your desk.
Very raw with a helping of humor. Valuable perspective for anyone going through shit or trying to support someone who is. A reminder that we can choose how to spend what time we get on this earth, even in the worst circumstances. We don’t have to stay stuck, or lay down and die.
Shout out to @writinghelpkc for being part of the editing process and supporting new authors in sharing their stories. Can’t wait to read the next project that passes through your desk.
February 5, 2021
Opened my eyes to parts of my own life I didn't want to see
Lianne has a way of writing that pierces through all the bullshit and makes you just see. Her writing is raw, it is honest and it has given me more insight than I am even comfortable with. And that's a good thing.
Lianne's story is absolutely hers but in her telling it, I realized she literally could've been writing about my own experiences. I found myself uncomfortable with her words because they were a mirror back on my own self and the darkness I had been desperately trying to ignore.
Many years ago Lianne was the beautiful, sharp woman who did my hair (and quite honestly who I felt intimated by because she was such a force). Now, she is someone who inspires me to change the shit that isn't worth hiding because no one has time to waste on this Earth.
There's no question anyone and everyone needs to read this book. And then do like I did, buy one for a friend.
Lianne has a way of writing that pierces through all the bullshit and makes you just see. Her writing is raw, it is honest and it has given me more insight than I am even comfortable with. And that's a good thing.
Lianne's story is absolutely hers but in her telling it, I realized she literally could've been writing about my own experiences. I found myself uncomfortable with her words because they were a mirror back on my own self and the darkness I had been desperately trying to ignore.
Many years ago Lianne was the beautiful, sharp woman who did my hair (and quite honestly who I felt intimated by because she was such a force). Now, she is someone who inspires me to change the shit that isn't worth hiding because no one has time to waste on this Earth.
There's no question anyone and everyone needs to read this book. And then do like I did, buy one for a friend.
January 5, 2021
I’m about halfway through a different book, but I heard about this one today and I decided to buy on my kindle while waiting in the pickup lane at school at 3:00. Finished it at 9:01.
The book is basically broken into three sections: 1) talking about her verbally/emotionally abusive marriage and divorce, 2) meeting her soulmate and coming out to her family as being in a same-sex relationship, and 3) being diagnosed with cancer. Three things that I have never personally experienced (although several members of my family have dealt with cancer).
Going to be honest, it was hard to read at times. Not because it wasn’t well written. It is very well written. So good, in fact, that I actually got light headed a few times because it was so vivid. Very good book that I recommend, but trigger warning for anyone who has been through any of those things. It’s vivid.
The book is basically broken into three sections: 1) talking about her verbally/emotionally abusive marriage and divorce, 2) meeting her soulmate and coming out to her family as being in a same-sex relationship, and 3) being diagnosed with cancer. Three things that I have never personally experienced (although several members of my family have dealt with cancer).
Going to be honest, it was hard to read at times. Not because it wasn’t well written. It is very well written. So good, in fact, that I actually got light headed a few times because it was so vivid. Very good book that I recommend, but trigger warning for anyone who has been through any of those things. It’s vivid.
May 16, 2021
I stumbled upon this book after my friend passed it on to me; it seemed like an interesting read. I’m a sucker for a good memoir!
Lianne Saffer hasn’t had an easy life, and she’s only in her 30s. She was stuck in an emotionally abusive marriage, got divorced, came out to her religious family as a lesbian, and then discovered she has an aggressive form of cancer. Any one of those things would be tough to face, let alone all of these!
As she reflects on these tough moments, Lianne clearly perseveres despite the obstacles in front of her. While the beginning sucked me in, it was really her fight with cancer that opened my eyes and kept me enthralled. (Let’s just say I have SO much admiration now for anyone who is battling or has battled cancer. Oof.)
Overall, this is a fast and easy read despite most of it being pretty heavy. If you’re into memoirs, you’ll enjoy this book.
Lianne Saffer hasn’t had an easy life, and she’s only in her 30s. She was stuck in an emotionally abusive marriage, got divorced, came out to her religious family as a lesbian, and then discovered she has an aggressive form of cancer. Any one of those things would be tough to face, let alone all of these!
As she reflects on these tough moments, Lianne clearly perseveres despite the obstacles in front of her. While the beginning sucked me in, it was really her fight with cancer that opened my eyes and kept me enthralled. (Let’s just say I have SO much admiration now for anyone who is battling or has battled cancer. Oof.)
Overall, this is a fast and easy read despite most of it being pretty heavy. If you’re into memoirs, you’ll enjoy this book.
January 6, 2021
Honest, blunt, challenging
Lianne puts herself out there, bold and bare. She is confident in ways that will make people uncomfortable; her honesty will do the same. Her love shines through, as does her hope for people to show up in ways that we haven’t been encouraged to as a social norm.
Her memoir is a call to encourage empathy, to sit with discomfort because it is healing for you and for others, and to throw out the platitudes. It’s an ask to recognize the many facets of grief and honor the lessons it offers.
She will make you laugh, want to fall in love (perhaps all over again), and hope that we can all do better with the time we have. What a timely memoir.
Lianne puts herself out there, bold and bare. She is confident in ways that will make people uncomfortable; her honesty will do the same. Her love shines through, as does her hope for people to show up in ways that we haven’t been encouraged to as a social norm.
Her memoir is a call to encourage empathy, to sit with discomfort because it is healing for you and for others, and to throw out the platitudes. It’s an ask to recognize the many facets of grief and honor the lessons it offers.
She will make you laugh, want to fall in love (perhaps all over again), and hope that we can all do better with the time we have. What a timely memoir.
January 18, 2021
I read this book in one sitting and it is easily the most influential book of 2021 for me and where I want to go.
Lianne's memoir offers a voice to all of us, with familiar themes and situations that have likely touched your life in one way or another. She reminds us that abuse comes in all forms, not just those that leave bruises; that big love is out there and you deserve it; she reminds us that there is gift in suffering and joy is everywhere. Stop what you are doing and read this. Right now.
Lianne's memoir offers a voice to all of us, with familiar themes and situations that have likely touched your life in one way or another. She reminds us that abuse comes in all forms, not just those that leave bruises; that big love is out there and you deserve it; she reminds us that there is gift in suffering and joy is everywhere. Stop what you are doing and read this. Right now.
March 1, 2022
I wanted to like this book more than I did. I appreciated Lianne's openness and being honest about her journey through divorce and cancer treatment. Unfortunately, the book is not well written, and the amount of grammatical errors made it tough to get through. With a better editor, this could have been more interesting. The only reason I "couldn't put it down" was because I was eager for it to be over and get to my next book.
Also, the raving reviews on the back of her book consist of her book editor, a SoulCycle instructor, and some other fitness instructor/marketing manager in Portland 🤔🤔
Also, the raving reviews on the back of her book consist of her book editor, a SoulCycle instructor, and some other fitness instructor/marketing manager in Portland 🤔🤔
January 21, 2024
An absolutely inspiring read
Just the perfect amount of humour, grief, sadness, happiness and pain. For once I'm speechless after reading a book and that's coming from someone who is usually full of loads of words. You are an inspiration Lianne. Keep fighting the fight and keep surviving through everything you had had to endure. Because of you, I've learned how to reach out in the appropriate manner to those experiencing challenges in their lives and saying the right thing. Amazing work!
Just the perfect amount of humour, grief, sadness, happiness and pain. For once I'm speechless after reading a book and that's coming from someone who is usually full of loads of words. You are an inspiration Lianne. Keep fighting the fight and keep surviving through everything you had had to endure. Because of you, I've learned how to reach out in the appropriate manner to those experiencing challenges in their lives and saying the right thing. Amazing work!
January 9, 2021
Beautifully honest and truthful memoir. It is often hard to believe Lianne ever had trouble expressing herself!
Part one will infuriate and anger you, part two will leave you floating in the clouds with heart eyes, and part three will make you ache to your core.
The power of this book comes from being let in to the author’s deepest fears, pain, and passion. You’ll read this book as if you were having a wine night with a close friend. We are lucky to share in these raw moments and strength.
Part one will infuriate and anger you, part two will leave you floating in the clouds with heart eyes, and part three will make you ache to your core.
The power of this book comes from being let in to the author’s deepest fears, pain, and passion. You’ll read this book as if you were having a wine night with a close friend. We are lucky to share in these raw moments and strength.
January 11, 2021
‘Take who you are and who you want to be and make them the same thing.’ Lianne has shared a gift with this memoir. It is real, raw, inspiring, unforgettable, and impossible to put down. She lets you in to the most vulnerable parts of her life and you will be completely captivated by her grit and truth. I laughed out loud, I held my breath, I felt my heart race. Lianne has said she wants to feel it all, and in this book she has given us all the feels.
January 26, 2021
This book exceeding expectation. Lianne gives an exclusive look at real life speed bumps and how friends and family can support those going through different chapters of their lives. We as a society have to do better to show support on a deeper kinder level. I loved this book and would highly recommend to all my friends.
January 29, 2021
Finished this book in less than a day and so amazed with the way in which The author was able to pull me in from the first page all the way to the final page. I love real, raw, authentic, and genuine conversations, and I felt like this book was the definition of that. One of the best memoirs I have read. Can’t recommend enough!
February 8, 2022
I enjoyed reading this book so much! It was like reading a letter from a friend that I had lost touch with so she was filling me in with every detail ! I laughed and cried and couldn't believe how much pain someone could stand without breaking 💔 The title is so perfect 👌 This memoir is staying with me Forever 💝
January 11, 2021
This book was raw, emotional and relatable. Lianne’s writing style has me wishing for more! Thank you for sharing your story with the world.
February 16, 2021
Smart, funny, heartbreaking and truly beautiful memoir.
May 11, 2021
3.5 stars. Enjoyable read. I am on a memoir binge right now.
Read
April 12, 2022Given the context / vulnerability of this memoir I don't want to actually rate it, but I struggled with the writing a lot and it was not my favorite.
Read
April 26, 2022Fantastic and Needed Piece of Writing
This sucks you in like a great piece of fiction and moves you like a raw memoir should. Just buy the book. You’re welcome.
This sucks you in like a great piece of fiction and moves you like a raw memoir should. Just buy the book. You’re welcome.
May 26, 2023
Sooo good. All the things they don't tell u about cancer, written in a down to earth way.
June 15, 2023
This waz an amazing read
August 9, 2022
An eye-opening read. Have you ever not known what to say to someone who was suffering? Lianne will make sure you know what NOT to say. She is honest and forthright. Her story is heartbreaking and heartwarming all at once. I had not read such a personal account of someone with cancer until this book, and it was incredibly raw.
January 19, 2021
A MUST READ!
If her energy alone doesn’t captivate you, her words will. For anyone going through a challenging time, Lianne is right there with you. Girlfriend, mentor, confidante....
If her energy alone doesn’t captivate you, her words will. For anyone going through a challenging time, Lianne is right there with you. Girlfriend, mentor, confidante....
January 4, 2022
The story I didn't know I needed!
This story, all of it, so raw, so deep, and still so soft! Would recommend to anyone with a relationship to cancer, and also to everyone without. Well done!
This story, all of it, so raw, so deep, and still so soft! Would recommend to anyone with a relationship to cancer, and also to everyone without. Well done!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews