So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives; Library Edition

by Ian Kerner

Renowned sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author Ian Kerner shares the unique and indispensable program he uses to help thousands of couples achieve more intimacy and better sex.

Dr. Ian Kerner is a Sherlock Holmes of the bedroom--a sexual detective helping individuals and couples solve the mystery of their sexual distress. His secret weapon? Informed curiosity. Kerner has perfected the art of the "sex script analysis," a method of inquiry to examine your sex life in action moment by moment. In those details--the what, where, when, and why of your last sexual experience--all the clues of what went wrong are laid bare and the mystery of how to create mutual pleasure can be solved. When our sex scripts work, we let go into arousal and lose ourselves in pleasure. But when the sex script fails, it's all we can do not to ruminate over the details. Sometimes you can be lying in bed right next to someone and feel a million miles apart. In those moments of silent desperation, the sex script is our guide to everything happening between the sheets and beneath the surface.With wit and warmth, the nationally recognized sex therapist and author of the smash hit She Comes First uses his tried and true techniques and tools to show readers how to tap into their erotic personalities and realize their sexual potential. He'll help you figure out what's working and what's not in your sex script and discuss many common sexual problems, from low desire and mismatched libidos to male and female sexual function issues, that may be interfering with your sex life. With the help of decades of clinical insight, the latest sexual science and research, valuable homework assignments, and more, this insightful and original book strips away discomfort and gives readers the ability to not just talk about sex openly and knowingly, but to actually do something about it.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Sexuality, Relationships, Self Help, Audiobook, Health

Audio CD

Published April 20, 2021

About the author

Ian Kerner is a nationally-recognized sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author of numerous books including the ever-popular She Comes First (Harper Collins). He writes a well known column for CNN and can often be seen on the TODAY Show and the Dr. Oz Show amongst others. He is regularly quoted as an expert in print and online media.

Ian is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors (AASECT) and addresses issues that are common to the "American bedroom." He frequently lectures on topics related to human sexuality, with recent appearances at New York University, Yale and Princeton. Ian is the founder of Good in Bed, an online destination that brings together many of the country's leading sex and relationship experts. Ian was born and raised in New York City, where he lives with his wife and two sons.

Reviews

[Øleksandra Banina · Rating 5 out of 5]

однозначно найкраща книга на тему сексу, яку мені доводилося тримати в руках. по-перше, вона максимально толерантна до всього; по-друге, охоплює багато психологічних аспектів процесу від збудження до турботи про партнера після, а не розглядає секс як виключно фізичний процес. ну і додатково, автор розглядає різні варіанти норми і дає корисні вправи для самостійної роботи в різних ситуаціях.

якщо у вас хороша фантазія - обережно, є ризик постійно відволікатися від читання 😜

[Vanya Hrynkiv · Rating 5 out of 5]

4+/5
Ставлю 5 за актуальність теми
Доволі якісна Sex Education література, ця або кілька інших книг (накштал «Як бажає жінка» чи «Кінчай») є важливими до прочитання, можливо наше суспільство колись дійде до того щоб викладати дітям у школі такі матеріали.

[Masha Pogorielova · Rating 4 out of 5]

Толкова, але дивно написана

Мені найбільше не зайшло поєднання лікарської сухості в описах конкретних способів і елементів сексуальної взаємодії з надмірною ліричністю і метафоричністю.

Я розумію, що для практикуючого секстерапевта в розмові віч на віч з клієнтами стиль і повинен бути таким, де описуючи ритм ти говориш про сонети Шекспіра, або формалістичні «контакт геніталій з геніталіями». Але у вигляді книги хотілось іншого

Як і в кожній книзі про вирішення проблем частина розділів про теми, які конкретно вас взагалі не стосуватимуться

Крінжнуло формулювання «поза яку я особисто придумав», добре що вона була одна, а не цілий вступ про те як «авторська унікальна методика змінила життя всіх його клієнтів». Але я все одно не готова сприймати, що сексолог, який передивився переслухався в своєму житті чого тільки і знає про існування камасутри може написати, що цю позу придумав він (баянічну і доволі очевидну). Будем вважати, що це неточність перекладу або формулювання, і він придумав не позу, а використовувати її для вирішення проблеми передчасної еакуляції.

Я так в не зрозуміла, як має виконуватись техніка кунілінгуса «Шкірся як Елвіс» 🤣 як можна присмоктатися вишкіреними яснами під кутом 45 градусів. Краще б це картинками пояснив на бвох сторінках, а не баянічну позу яку він особисто придумав…

[M Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

Welp, that was not what I expected. I believe I confused two descriptions I had read around the same time so I went into this thinking it was a funny, insightful memoir along the lines of Group or Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. However, it is not like those books...at all. This is an intense, self-help book that is in depth and very descriptive. While it was not at all what I expected or was even looking for, I found it to be interesting and loved how inclusive Kerner's practice seems to be. This is definitely not for everyone but if you are looking for some guidance from a sex therapist and into a nonfiction, sciency, self help books, this one is for you!

Thanks to Grand Central Publishing for this #gifted copy. My thoughts are my own.

[Olena Pankiv · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read!

[Kristina · Rating 4 out of 5]

UA: Прям якісна книга про сексуальні аспекти життя та стосунків. Частина історій пацієнтів (автор сексолог), частина власних історій, частина досліджень, частина історії. Навіть самоповторів не так багато, як це зазвичай у американських авторів.

EN: A really quality book about the sexual aspects of life and relationships. Part of patient stories (the author is a sexologist), part of own stories, part of research, part of history. Even self-repetition is not so much, as is usually the case with American authors.

[The_J · Rating 1 out of 5]

Offered as an avenue of discovery and analysis, seemed to devolve at parts into misused statistics and best way to have anal sex. Perhaps the structure along with the "homework" could give some samplers insight, but I find little to recommend it.

[Vanya Prodanova · Rating 3 out of 5]

Любопитството ми някой ден ще ме умори напълно. :)

Тази книга определено ме накара да се чувствам неудобно, особено визирайки, че реших да я слушам на високоговорител. Горките ми съседи. XD Донякъде ми е тъжно, че не я четох, тъй като щеше да е по-малко дискомфортно, а и илюстрациите определено щеше да е забавно да ги видя.

Книгата определено постига няколко неща:
1. Някъде до петия час вече неудобството, изчервяването и засрамването изчезват, от което всички може да спечелим.
2. Вадилизира какво всъщност представляват нормалните сексуални отношения между двама души, което мисля, че много хетеросексуални (и не само) двойки имат нужда да чуят, тъй като религията добре се е погрижила да превърне секса в срамно преживяване, чиято единствена цел е да се възпроизведеш и нищо повече.
3. Образователна книга е и е направено под формата на работна тетрадка. Има си упражнения, които да пробваш; допълнителни ресурси и т.н. Чудесен ресурс е за бъдещи справки.

Недостатъкът й идва от това, че има изключително много информация, в много моменти твърде провокираща, че да бъде възприета с отворено съзнание от раз, но това по никакъв начин не променя факта, че образова и може да бъде полезна за отделни личности и двойки, които са на този етап от връзката си, че са решили да подобрят сексуалните си отношения.

Няма какво да спорим, сексът е може би едно от последните табута, което трудно ще бъде изтрито от съзнанието на хората и ще минат много поколения, преди родителите на тези поколения да намерят начини как да общуват и говорят за секса и сексуалните отношения с децата си. Тъжно е как повечето от нас (сигурна съм, че има малцина щастливци) са научили каквото знаят за тялото, сексуалността и сексът от не много надеждни източници. :)

[хель · Rating 3 out of 5]

ви не повірите, я її закінчила читати)

прикольно, подобається формат з різноманітними історіями, небанальна інфа про секс едюкейшн (мені це дуже хелпануло, у попередніх стосунках стикнулась з абсолютно відмінним від мене типом сексуальності та партнером, що не зміг відкрито про це говорити, тому довелось про це читати 🙃), та запитання, які дозволяють читаючи трошки ліпше себе дізнатись.

але ну бляха, якого фіга так все крутиться навколо проблем у чоловіків, а про жіночі трабли в сексі (той ж самий біль, який відчуває величезна частка жінок) дріб'язок інфи...

хороша книга, щоб трішки зрозуміти інших людей, кепська, щоб фіксануть свої трабли

[Layla Platt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned so many things from Kerner that I had to rate this 5 stars. People in relationships or not can benefit from all the different topics that are covered in this book.

[Kate Artyukhova · Rating 5 out of 5]

Хороша книга на тему сексуальної освіти. Багато цікавих фактів, без води, простими словами, легка до сприйняття і не нудна. Радитиму клієнтам.

[Andreea Ciubucă · Rating 3 out of 5]

E interesanta. Se bazeaza foarte mult pe psihologie si biologie. Inveti multe chestii interesante.Desi nu am terminat-o, as putea spune ca unele capitole sunt chiar foarte bune si interesante.

[Zoë · Rating 3 out of 5]

Informative………. But I was struggling to get through it because I’m kind of bored of the subject at the moment. At least posting it on my ig story elicited a sexual response from New York crush, in these times we must take what we can get

[Oksana Naumchuk · Rating 4 out of 5]

Мені здалося, що автор приділив чоловікам уваги більше аніж жінкам. Оскільки про жінок у нього є написана окрема книга, яку він ненав'язливо згадував з десяток разів. А загалом книга чудова.

[Scribe Publications]

Even in therapy, sex seems like the one topic people need to talk about most but don't know how. Thankfully, renowned sex therapist Ian Kerner has come to the rescue for everyone who has wanted more out of their erotic life but felt stuck, confused, or just plain frustrated. Combining decades of clinical research and real people’s stories, this elucidating guidebook is a must-read for anyone interested in creating a richer, deeper romantic life. There is warmth, compassion and clarity on every page.
Lori Gottlieb, LMFT, New York Times Bestselling Author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

Ian Kerner is a voice of equal parts compassion and logic. He speaks equally to men and to women, equally to people with great sex lives and people who are struggling. Ian's work is essential in the world of sex positive writing.
Emily Nagoski, PHD, New York Times Bestselling Author of Come As You Are

What a fascinating book on the how-to of sex — it’s packed with riveting data and great advice: Either you’ll be gratified that you are doing everything right or you’ll pick up a pile of truly valuable tips. Kerner is a wise man — it’s a compelling read.
Helen Fisher, PHD, Author of Anatomy of Love

My goodness, he’s done it again. After helping men become ‘cliterate’ with She Comes First and guiding women through the intricacies of male passion (He Comes Next), Ian Kerner fearlessly leads us to explore one another. His guidance is at once fresh, funny, human and state of the art. What is your erotic blueprint? Dispelling one myth after another, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex invites you on a journey toward a deeper, richer and more authentic sexuality.
Terrence Real, Author of The New Rules of Marriage

Based on real stories and linked by real data, Kerner’s So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex is a look into the sex lives of people that will serve to normalise, validate, and importantly, inspire! This book is for sex therapists, individuals seeking to improve their sex lives, and anyone who wants to turn good sex into great sex!
Lori A. Brotto, PHD, Author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness

Ian Kerner is a gem of a sex therapist and a masterful storyteller. This book is insightful, practical, accessible, and most of all, helpful. Written in an extraordinarily comfortable and engaging style, Kerner has produced a book that will not only grab the reader's attention and interest, but is sure to enhance the sexual, emotional, and relational lives of its audience. Much like his earlier work, She Comes First, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex is a book that will endure for years. I am sure to recommend this text to my patients with frequency and enthusiasm!
Daniel N. Watter, EDD, Past-President of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR)

Does the sex between your ears or your sheets needs a script update? You’ve come to the right place. Ian Kerner brings together up to the minute sexual science with the highly personal art form of sexual pleasure to give readers a master class in sexual script writing. Full of practical and knowledgeable ideas for rewriting your last forgettable sexual experiences into sexual narratives worth repeating and retelling.
Doug Braun-Harvey, MFT, Co-Author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behaviour: Rethinking Sex Addiction

No question, Ian Kerner’s book is refreshingly informative — and honestly, that would have been enough. But what makes it truly special is Kerner himself: the abundant warmth that shines through, whether he is describing a client session or addressing readers directly. His compassion and kindness gently disarm shame, promoting the kind of communication and self-interrogation that are, ultimately, key to experiencing joy in sex.
Peggy Orenstein, New York Times bestselling author of Girls & Sex and Boys & Sex

From breaking out of a sex rut to managing mismatched libidos, Ian Kerner is at the forefront of giving us fresh, sexy solutions to classic sex problems.
Esther Perel, marriage and family therapist, and author of Mating in Captivity: reconciling the erotic and the domestic

So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex is simply a delightful book! It tells you how to focus down and unpack your sexual dance and make it rock! More than this it’s so easy to read: down to earth and so eminently practical. A great acquisition for anyone who wants to improve their sex life.
Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight: seven conversations for a lifetime of love

‘Is the air you breathe oxygenated with a little bit of eroticism?’ asks bestselling author and sex therapist Ian Kerner. If it is, then you will savour this book, which (as the title indicates), invites us to look through the window of our last sexual experiences to illuminate our sex lives and what they could become. If it isn’t, then you must buy this book today! Kerner has created another instant classic for individuals, couples and their therapists who are willing to consider what last night could mean for tomorrow.
Peggy J. Kleinplatz, PhD, professor, faculty of medicine at University of Ottawa, Canada

For any couple struggling to make sense of their fickle sex drives, dwindling desires and disappointing sexual experiences, Dr. Kerner’s latest book is the first step towards living healthier, fulfilling and more pleasurable sex lives. This book will transform not only the sexual relationship you have with your partners but the one you have with yourself. It’s a must read for anyone who is ready to let go of their limiting beliefs to make way for sexual discovery and satisfaction.
Emily Morse, doctor of human sexuality, Founder & CEO of Sex With Emily

Ian Kerner is the real deal. In So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex, he uses the most essential form of communication — storytelling — to help couples follow the thread from their stuck, unsatisfying scripts back to the deep tender core of vulnerability that underlies them. Filled with practical exercises, Kerner addresses an array of sexual challenges and shows how they can become opportunities for erotic growth. He also inspires his readers to expand their erotic repertoire through flexibility, creative imagination, and more meaningful sexual conversations with themselves and their partners. I can't think of a more hopeful, humane and knowledgeable guide for navigating the sometimes vexing impasses of couple sex.
Daphne de Marneffe, PhD, author of The Rough Patch: marriage and the art of living together

Kerner dusts off the traditional concept of a ‘sex script’ and polishes it to a high sheen. In his hands, this humble tool becomes a powerful key to deeper sexual aliveness. This is a highly original book. It’s also playful, deeply personal, unfailingly kind, and clearly a labour of love. I can’t think of any other sex writer who can discuss Aristotle’s Poetics together with the neuroscience of orgasm, but Kerner does it all with unfailing skill. Highly recommended!
Dr Stephen Snyder, author of Love Worth Making

[Scribe Publications]

Even in therapy, sex seems like the one topic people need to talk about most but don't know how. Thankfully, renowned sex therapist Ian Kerner has come to the rescue for everyone who has wanted more out of their erotic life but felt stuck, confused, or just plain frustrated. Combining decades of clinical research and real people’s stories, this elucidating guidebook is a must-read for anyone interested in creating a richer, deeper romantic life. There is warmth, compassion and clarity on every page.
Lori Gottlieb, LMFT, New York Times Bestselling Author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

Ian Kerner is a voice of equal parts compassion and logic. He speaks equally to men and to women, equally to people with great sex lives and people who are struggling. Ian's work is essential in the world of sex positive writing.
Emily Nagoski, PHD, New York Times Bestselling Author of Come As You Are

What a fascinating book on the how-to of sex — it’s packed with riveting data and great advice: Either you’ll be gratified that you are doing everything right or you’ll pick up a pile of truly valuable tips. Kerner is a wise man — it’s a compelling read.
Helen Fisher, PHD, Author of Anatomy of Love

My goodness, he’s done it again. After helping men become ‘cliterate’ with She Comes First and guiding women through the intricacies of male passion (He Comes Next), Ian Kerner fearlessly leads us to explore one another. His guidance is at once fresh, funny, human and state of the art. What is your erotic blueprint? Dispelling one myth after another, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex invites you on a journey toward a deeper, richer and more authentic sexuality.
Terrence Real, Author of The New Rules of Marriage

Based on real stories and linked by real data, Kerner’s So Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex is a look into the sex lives of people that will serve to normalise, validate, and importantly, inspire! This book is for sex therapists, individuals seeking to improve their sex lives, and anyone who wants to turn good sex into great sex!
Lori A. Brotto, PHD, Author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness

Ian Kerner is a gem of a sex therapist and a masterful storyteller. This book is insightful, practical, accessible, and most of all, helpful. Written in an extraordinarily comfortable and engaging style, Kerner has produced a book that will not only grab the reader's attention and interest, but is sure to enhance the sexual, emotional, and relational lives of its audience. Much like his earlier work, She Comes First, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex is a book that will endure for years. I am sure to recommend this text to my patients with frequency and enthusiasm!
Daniel N. Watter, EDD, Past-President of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR)

Does the sex between your ears or your sheets needs a script update? You’ve come to the right place. Ian Kerner brings together up to the minute sexual science with the highly personal art form of sexual pleasure to give readers a master class in sexual script writing. Full of practical and knowledgeable ideas for rewriting your last forgettable sexual experiences into sexual narratives worth repeating and retelling.
Doug Braun-Harvey, MFT, Co-Author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behaviour: Rethinking Sex Addiction

No question, Ian Kerner’s book is refreshingly informative — and honestly, that would have been enough. But what makes it truly special is Kerner himself: the abundant warmth that shines through, whether he is describing a client session or addressing readers directly. His compassion and kindness gently disarm shame, promoting the kind of communication and self-interrogation that are, ultimately, key to experiencing joy in sex.
Peggy Orenstein, New York Times bestselling author of Girls & Sex and Boys & Sex

From breaking out of a sex rut to managing mismatched libidos, Ian Kerner is at the forefront of giving us fresh, sexy solutions to classic sex problems.
Esther Perel, marriage and family therapist, and author of Mating in Captivity: reconciling the erotic and the domestic

So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex is simply a delightful book! It tells you how to focus down and unpack your sexual dance and make it rock! More than this it’s so easy to read: down to earth and so eminently practical. A great acquisition for anyone who wants to improve their sex life.
Sue Johnson, author of Hold Me Tight: seven conversations for a lifetime of love

‘Is the air you breathe oxygenated with a little bit of eroticism?’ asks bestselling author and sex therapist Ian Kerner. If it is, then you will savour this book, which (as the title indicates), invites us to look through the window of our last sexual experiences to illuminate our sex lives and what they could become. If it isn’t, then you must buy this book today! Kerner has created another instant classic for individuals, couples and their therapists who are willing to consider what last night could mean for tomorrow.
Peggy J. Kleinplatz, PhD, professor, faculty of medicine at University of Ottawa, Canada

For any couple struggling to make sense of their fickle sex drives, dwindling desires and disappointing sexual experiences, Dr. Kerner’s latest book is the first step towards living healthier, fulfilling and more pleasurable sex lives. This book will transform not only the sexual relationship you have with your partners but the one you have with yourself. It’s a must read for anyone who is ready to let go of their limiting beliefs to make way for sexual discovery and satisfaction.
Emily Morse, doctor of human sexuality, Founder & CEO of Sex With Emily

Ian Kerner is the real deal. In So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex, he uses the most essential form of communication — storytelling — to help couples follow the thread from their stuck, unsatisfying scripts back to the deep tender core of vulnerability that underlies them. Filled with practical exercises, Kerner addresses an array of sexual challenges and shows how they can become opportunities for erotic growth. He also inspires his readers to expand their erotic repertoire through flexibility, creative imagination, and more meaningful sexual conversations with themselves and their partners. I can't think of a more hopeful, humane and knowledgeable guide for navigating the sometimes vexing impasses of couple sex.
Daphne de Marneffe, PhD, author of The Rough Patch: marriage and the art of living together

Kerner dusts off the traditional concept of a ‘sex script’ and polishes it to a high sheen. In his hands, this humble tool becomes a powerful key to deeper sexual aliveness. This is a highly original book. It’s also playful, deeply personal, unfailingly kind, and clearly a labour of love. I can’t think of any other sex writer who can discuss Aristotle’s Poetics together with the neuroscience of orgasm, but Kerner does it all with unfailing skill. Highly recommended!
Dr Stephen Snyder, author of Love Worth Making

Dr. Ian Kerner has done it again! So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex is the book we've all been needing … even if we didn't know it! Kerner masterfully alchemises the practical and the poetic to help us more deeply understand the world of the erotic. By inviting us to relate to our sexual experiences as stories, Kerner gifts us the opportunity to co-author new possibilities for healing and joy. This book is a treasure.
Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, faculty at Northwestern University, author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back

[Rachel Jackson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I went into this book with the complete wrong expectations and, unsurprisingly, was largely displeased with the book I did end up reading. I had heard about So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex several months ago as a really insightful look into modern human sexuality and sexual behaviors, and, seeing that I am a sucker for such subjects, I was intrigued. But my lack of any additional research or inquiries into the book before starting to read it was evident once I realized that it was simply a self-help book written by Ian Kerner for people who are struggling in their sex lives and need actual, licensed, clinical help. #cantrelate

So I guess if you're looking for self-help on how to improve your sex life—communicating with your partner, addressing sexual trauma, embracing vulnerabilities, allowing yourself to be in the moment—then this might be the book for you. There are certainly good bits of advice and things to ponder in what Kerner suggested as homework at the end of each chapter, but it definitely did seem far more suited to 1) couples who 2) live together and 3) have issues sexually in some manner and 4) who want to fix their problems together. It was far more of a niche book that way than I was expecting or hoping to read. And seemed to pull from lots of other sexual health related books and research that I've already read, so what new information or strategies is Kerner suggesting here?

The worst part, which made Kerner's credibility go down the toilet immediately: he was a flagrant porn and BDSM apologist. So let me get this straight: you're encouraging couples to communicate about vulnerabilities and traumas, but still also supporting porn (the number of times he had to use the caveat "ethical" porn, as if that's a thing) and encouraging kink in the bedroom? Toward the end of the book he also said, while talking about conditions that cause painful sex: "[O]ne thing is clear: Sex shouldn’t be painful. Ever." Talk about your cognitive dissonance.

[charlotte · Rating 4 out of 5]

solid self help book for people dealing with sexual dysfunction/discomfort/mismatch within a relationship. it does not really provide help for those who are single and experiencing issues around sex. i read it primarily because the author discusses his experiences as a sex therapist and i liked the way he provided examples of solving his clients’ issues. it’s also fairly male-focused, but in a good way. a lot of sexual dysfunction books focus on women, like “come as you are” by emily nagowski, but this one has a lot of content on male sexual anxiety, which i’ve found is not as commonly talked out. its also full of ways for male partners to decrease the orgasm gap in heterosexual relationships. I would recommend this book to couples who are unpracticed in discussing sex and who may not even feel dysfunctional, but would like to reach greater heights. i liked his exercise suggestions, made the book feel genuinely helpful instead of leaving you with the feeling of “man, i guess i need to find a therapist,” which can always feel disheartening.

[Sean Edgar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ian Kerner is fantastic sledgehammer of a sex therapist, breaking down the walls between stigma and empathy. His arguable magnum opus, She Comes First, excels by not only providing a beat-by-beat guide to cunnilingus, but more importantly (well...maybe as importantly) devoting the first half to the sheer *idea* of going down on women and its historical import. (An odd idea to think that pleasuring a woman outside of reproductive goals is even progressive, but alas here we are.)

His latest book doesn't quite have that focus and purity of vision; think of it more as a seasoned sex therapist's greatest hits collection. The narrative spine is the idea of a 'sex script'—the sequence of acts that constitute a couple's sexual discourse. Gay people are statistically great at mixing it up, straight people not so much—leading to boredom and stagnancy. It's a neat concept, and Kerner is great at saying "hey, we all deal with this and we can all be better."

He punctuates the experience with a rundown on the most common sexual frustrations including premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and (probably one of the most interesting bits) responsive vs. spontaneous desire and harmonizing the gap between the two. Not all of these chapters will be notable to everyone. This is more of a manual than a cohesive reading experience. But there'll be at least a few "oh fuck" moments and salient ideas for anyone with a libido. It's also an incredibly quick read.

[Tangled in Text · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has zero filter and I've got to love it for that. It literally is laying bare to it all.

This is the most inclusive sex positive book I've read. It focuses on all ranges of gendered and nongendered individuals. It is the best literal guide at times to say hey lets understand your own anatomy and here are pictures and detailed descriptions of each piece of you and how to take care of yourself before introducing you to the combination of those parts with another individual. This is 100% a reference guide that you might want to take notes in and bookmark sections to go back to more easily and at the end of each section even has homework and I've got to say this is the most fun I've ever had completing an assignment.

[olenius]

можна прочитати «come as you are” та її і отримати хороше загальне стійке уявлення про те як ставитись до сексу (спойлер: з увагою і прийняттям себе і свого партнера/ки). посил: комунікуйте будь -ласка і мастурбуйте з майндфулнесс підхіодом:) можна одночасно.

в сексології як і в сучасній психології загалом існує набір неонових звитяг, які світять неоном як вивіска на казино та кочують з книги в книгу: ВСЕ ЩО НЕ ШКОДИТЬ ІНШИМ Є НОРМАЛЬНИМ;
МІЖ ПРОЖИВАННЯМ ЕМОЦІЙ І ЇХ ВИРАЖЕННЯМ Є РІЗНИЦЯ, НЕ КАРТАЙ СЕБЕ ЗА НЕПРИЧЕСАНІСТЬ ПІДСВІДОМИХ ПОТЯГІВ (екологічне вираження гидіньких емоцій - робота з психологом) і тд

[Irina · Rating 5 out of 5]

книга, яку я можу рекомендувати кожному.
тут є як теоретична інформація, так іпрактичні поради для сексуального життя (як для пар так і для одинаків), пояснення багатьох психологічних блоків з якими ми живемо, варіанти їх вирішення та домашні завдання.
багато прикладів нашої поведінки автор наводив на прикладі своїх пацієнтів (які дали згоду, звісно ж), деякі фізіологічні речі пояснювали буквально картинками з будовою тіла
інформації доволі багато, причому навіть не нової, а скоріше для роздумів
на деякі речі я тепер дивлюсь інакше і простіше, про деякі навіть не думала до цієї книги

однозначно моя щира рекомендація

[Valentyna Sinichenko · Rating 5 out of 5]

Книжка дуже добре написана і дуже добре перекладена.

Гарно структурована: кожна глава присвячена окремій темі у фізіології чи етапу сексу. В кінці є розділи, присвячені розбору поширених проблем і пропозиціям щодо їх вирішення. Хотілося б побачити більше таких розборів кейсів.

В кінці кожного розділу — домашнє завдання. Дуже часто книжка наштовхувала мене на роздуми. Паралельно з читанням писала цілий конспект з ідеями і з виконанням вправ.

Тут є наукова база, є фактаж, є багаторічна практика, є толератність до статей, гендерів, орієнтацій і всіх речей, які люди роблять в ліжку. Є навіть гранична відвертість самого автора про його власні проблеми і мотивацію цю книжку писати.

Якщо ви хочете, щоб запрацювало те, що не працює, або із хорошого зробити чудове — читайте обов’язково.

✨ 8 з 10.

[Hayley Wood · Rating 4 out of 5]

I will be super excited to use the knowledge in this book for my future practice. This book opened my eyes to many good things! I enjoyed the self disclosure from the author who is a practicing psychotherapist. ER was personal for the author, I understand this is something men have to learn to navigate. I would have also liked to see more on things women suffer with, ie issues with having an orgasm when on an SSRI. This was touched on with men in depth.

Thank you Grand Central Publishing for an advance copy to read!

[Keri · Rating 1 out of 5]

This didn’t deliver for me at all. One of those that the description and the content don’t match. Was excited to expand my knowledge base and step out of my reading zone with this one. Came across it in a blog and thought why not??!! Not sure I was the right demographic for it. LOL. I did finish it and tried to keep an open mind (I mean I am super open minded) but just not my cup of tea and honestly didn’t really provide functional tools or in depth content in my opinion. Took away a nugget or two so not a total waste.

[Nazariy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Назва цієї книги впринципі дуже гарно її описує. Автор розповідає як відновити задоволення або просто почати його отримувати в сексі. Наводить методи вирішення різноманітних проблем в статевому житті. Безліч цікавих терапевтичних питань(домашніх завдань) в кінці кожного розділу які як мінімум точно зроблять вас ближче. Червоною ниткою через всю книгу лежить ідея про важливість відкритості і комунікації, бо дуже багато проблем можуть вирішитись простою відвертою розмовою. Раджу читати цю книгу в парі за можливості.

[Charlotte · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love so much about his ideas about sex and pleasure! My notes were that he was inconsistent about gender (much more fluid for the first chapters, then more essentialist as it continued), and I felt his sex script was a good idea but needed the framing for an individual experience rather than as the script you always use muuuuch earlier. The breakdown of phases is helpful and interesting but was a bit too rigid and clinical for me.

[Becky Schwartz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This took me a long time to finish because I was hung up on the fact that Kerner talks so much about the g spot when there is currently little scientific evidence that it exists. However, I appreciated the exercises and homework. It is also apparent that he is a compassionate and kind therapist. Enjoyed his writing overall.

[Mariam Cadena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Como alguien que le apasiona la educaciom sexual y leer al respecto este libro es ideal no solo para navegar la sexualidad en pareja sino para navegar la propia a traves de ejercicios y cuestionarios que abren una ventana al auto-conocimiento. Ademas el autor cita a diversos investigadores y academicos y comparte ideas y conceptos SUPER interesantes y que de adoptarlos podrian llevarnos a vivir una sexualidad mas plena y placentera. Definitivamente una lectura obligada y recomendada

[Тетяна Кітчак · Rating 5 out of 5]

У книзі гарний баланс теоретичного матеріалу та практичних способів вирішення проблем, що є у парі. Поступовий і логічний виклад, без перестрибувань та надмірного загравання з читачем робить її однаково цінною і для спеціалістів і для читачів, що шукають відповіді стосовного своєї сексуальної поведінки.