Rush: Memoir of a Gay Sorority Girl

by Kristin Griffith

Rush: Memoir of a Gay Sorority Girl is an emotional roller coaster of a story about a shy girl from Texas who, in her quest for love and belonging, struggles with her sexual orientation and gender expression within the confines of sorority life at a Midwestern university.

Growing up in the Bible Belt playing “Smear the Queer,” Kristin Griffith had never met a gay person when she left home for university in St. Louis. When her college ex-boyfriend came out to her, she soon realized that she too might be gay. “No one can say I didn’t try to be straight,” she writes.

This memoir offers an exclusive peek into sorority and fraternity culture: rushing, pledging, initiation, partying, drinking, hooking up—and homophobia. Kristin lets us intimately witness her coming-out journey: drama with guys, fumbles with girls, romance with a female teacher; angst from keeping secrets; coming out in the student newspaper; and the confidence of being out, along with the pain of being rejected for it.

It’s about falling down and standing tall, as we figure out who we are, and who we want to be. It’s about the universal desire to be seen, understood, and accepted as our truest self.

Genres: LGBT, Memoir, Nonfiction

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2019

About the author

Kristin Griffith is an author, career coach, and business leader in the tech industry.

Kristin has authored several publications on LGBTQ topics, founded the LGBT graduate student, faculty, and staff organization at Rice University, and facilitated support groups at the Los Angeles LGBT Center. Kristin holds an MBA in Marketing from UCLA and has worked in tech companies including Netflix, Intuit, and Adobe. She lives in Oakland with her wife and two rescue dogs.

Instagram: @booksbykristin

Reviews

[Sara Chamberlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a sweet, vulnerable story! I heard about this book from the Reading Thetas Facebook page. It was great to hear Kristen’s story about coming to terms with her sexuality while also navigating life as a sorority girl. Y

[Barbara Smoyer Peterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Here's what I LOVED about this book: Kristin is SO VULNERABLE in sharing with the world her doubts, insecurities, and various hang ups about herself. I don't even want to *think* about my own first sexual experiences, let alone write about them for the entire world to know! This woman is brave!! But she did this in order to HELP OTHERS. I know this because I talked to Kristin about her book for a long time after I had finished it. I asked her all of my questions, and I shared all of my complaints/criticisms with her. (Kristin and I were in this Theta chapter at the same time--I pledged 1 year after she did. Most of her descriptions of life as a Theta at Wash did not align with the way *I* perceived and experienced it. But isn't this book about *Kristin's* experience??) Kristin listened to everything I had to say, said she was sorry if anything she wrote had offended her, but stuck to her truth that she was describing what *she* perceived. How can I fault that?
I also LOVED how Kristin was completely forthcoming about her alcohol abuse during college. She has important life lessons to share with readers about substance abuse and how it runs in families, too.
Her book has so.darn.many.laugh-out-loud moments. When she writes about reading the articles about women's sexual satisfaction in Cosmopolitan magazine, but trying to hide it from her roommate...it just reminded me of a teenager smuggling porn.
I'm a Child of the 80s too, so of course I LOVED all of the references to 80s and 90s music. Ahhh, taking me back to my high school and college days...She even created a Spotify playlist of the songs from her book! (Just search on the title of the book--that is the name of the playlist, too.)

I think my only literary complaint, really, is that she built us up talking about how nervous she was bringing a certain person as a date to her sorority dances...what will her sorority sisters say about this the next day?? How will they treat her?? But then she doesn't tell us! She skips ahead several days or even weeks in the next chapter. Darn it, I wanted to know!
Overall, I think this memoir is an excellent read for the following audience (INPO--Now which of you Wash U folks remember what that was??)
1)Anyone interested in learning about the struggles and triumphs of a fellow human being who has experienced doubt, insecurity, loneliness, fear, or judgement.
2)Anyone who is interested in reading about a person who had a very different experience than they did going through adolescence and young adulthood, in terms of WHAT made them lonely, anxious, full of self doubt.
3)Anyone who wants to know what it MIGHT be like to be in a sorority.
4)Anyone who has a loved one experiencing doubt and anxiety regarding their sexual and/or gender identities.
5)Anyone who identifies as LGBTQIA+ and wants to read about someone else who identifies as LGBTQIA+ and went through some similar experiences...and some different ones, too.

My final thoughts: Please, Kristin, write another book!

[CB · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book on several levels. As someone who was in a sorority, it was fascinating to hear her experiences and see how rush & pledging can be so similar no matter what school or house you're in. The author's raw honesty and engaging writing style regarding her journey to accept her sexuality and eventually come out drew me in. It was difficult to read some of the chapters and remember how much more difficult things were for people in LGBTQ+ community in the 90s, but it also was heartening to see just how far the world has come since then. I finished the book in a day and would strongly recommend it.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an incredibly honest exploration of what the author's coming out process looked like in college. She reflects back on this experience in the early nineties and layers this with her experience in her sorority. This was especially intriguing for me as we share a sorority affiliation. What I appreciated most about her story was the reflections on how different reactions impacted her, and she notes how hurtful the silence she often encountered was. It's so, so important to share these stories about both college and sorority, and I'm grateful Kristin was willing to revisit and share her experiences to open up conversation in this space!

[Becky Cox · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was one of my wife’s Goodreads freebies and the subject matter is typically something I’d really enjoy, but I just couldn’t get into this. The writing was so……..basic. I wanted to feel something when I read this, but mostly what I felt was disappointed. If you’re looking for surface level emotions and a glimpse of what it feels like to “come out” in college- this is the book for you. I just wanted more FEELING, I guess. I remember what it was like for me- and I didn’t have to come out in the confines of a Greek organization that encourages homophobic culture. So I think I expected more depth really. And instead the reader just gets surface level “stuff” here.

[Sydney Kovacs · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked reading this memoir. I was excited to read a book by a fellow Theta and to learn about her experience coming out when she was immersed in Greek Life culture, so I was glad to see it was selected for our Reading Women book club. This book made me think of my sorority sisters who are members of the LGBTQ+ community and how they might have felt during our time in school together. Many of my sisters did not come out until after they graduated. I also related to this book, having started to question my own sexuality while in college.

The passage that stood out to me the most:
"Though I wasn’t depressed, I certainly felt stressed a lot, on edge, vulnerable. I never knew how someone might react and I felt like I had no control over it. Some people were supportive. Some people became distant. Some people couldn’t hide their look of disgust or fear or awkwardness. I always felt apprehensive, not knowing what someone’s reaction would be and knowing I had no control over it. On top of that, coming out was something I had to do continually. It wasn’t once and done." (p. 188). Kindle Edition.

I hadn't before considered that members of the LGBTQ+ community experience coming out over and over and over again. This passage reminded me that these feelings of fear, anxiety, etc. are constantly weighing people down. It makes me want to get more formal training on how to be a positive ally.

[Reah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading this book as both a Theta alum and a bisexual woman was a unique experience for me. The author honestly shared her fears and challenges as she came into her identity as a lesbian during her college years. I admire her courage and willingness to be vulnerable, even about the mistakes she’s made and ways she’s hurt others.

But I really wanted more from the book as a whole - I kept waiting for us to go deeper in unpacking the experiences, dive into stories with more detail. Some excerpts were left sort of unfinished, because we never found out the outcome. Important parts of the author’s life and experience sometimes felt glossed over. But maybe I’m projecting what my own experience might have been, if I had come out while in college. It was undoubtedly Kristin’s story and that came through.

I received this book as a Goodreads giveaway and was so thankful for a beautiful note from the author:
“May you always be accepted and loved for your true self. Celebrate your uniqueness!”

[Mike November · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an enjoyable, fun, soapy read with provocative insights about a very recent time where being "out" could mean being ostracized - but in a good environment with loving people, could also be exciting as the author transitioned from denying a vital part of herself to being accepting of herself and fortunately, having some others accept her. I went to college around the same time as the author, as I read this it constantly made me go back and fondly recall my experiences in college, all the mistakes and awkward fumbles with relationships. Even though I'm a straight male, I loved this snapshot of a moment in time not that long ago where the status of gays in public, even in generally well educated, liberal environments was tenuous. But the best part was experiencing the trials and tribulations of someone accepting themselves and discovering love. This was an easy read - the way it was written made it easy to fly through the book or put down if I had to tend to the kids.

[Amy L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kristin's memoir is a page turner, and a touchingly honest account of her life and the difficulties faced when coming out to herself, her sorority, her family, friends and strangers. The passages about the Theta sorority were fascinating since I know little about the Greek system, and now I would like to know even more! When reading the book, I found myself thankful for the author's friend Daniela, and was reminded of the importance of one or a few close friends with whom you can be yourself, particularly when finding yourself or feeling alone. This memoir is brave, inspirational and would be helpful to anyone struggling with their identity or feeling like an outsider.

[Marissa Gramoll · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVE this book. It's so well written and talks about such important things. I really connected with Kristin's story about not even knowing she wasn't straight. It spoke to my heart and soul and made me feel like I was back in college. This book is charming, fun and important. Everyone in college should give it a read! I didn't know much about sorority life but loved learning about it through this book. Most importantly, this book is about discovering your true self and finding meaning along the way.

[Townsend · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written by a Theta! A good account of what it was like to come to terms during college with being gay.

[Pattie aka Grand · Rating 4 out of 5]

A different perspective

This book was recommended on a reading group I belong to on Facebook. The group is sponsored by the sorority I belonged to in college, Kappa Alpha Theta. Rush is the memoir of a Theta sister who some 29 years after I was an active in college came out as gay. Different chapter, different state, different generation. Stewart offered an enlightening, and yes different perspective on a shared collegiate experience. Four stars only because I found myself wanting to know what happened in the 25 years between when the memoir ended and where she is today. Specifically, I wonder if she attributed her alcohol consumption with her coming to terms with her sexuality.

[Lillianne]

As a Theta alum and a bisexual woman, this memoir was uniquely touching for me. That being said, I don’t think it was particularly well written. It felt very dry and like it moved very quickly without enough detail at times.