Kicking and Screaming: a Memoir of Madness and Martial Arts

by Melanie D. Gibson

Melanie Gibson was an independent woman with a good job, multiple college degrees, and a condo in the trendy part of town. She also had a few mental illnesses, a minor substance abuse problem, and rotten relationship skills. She was a high-functioning crazy who needed a good kick in the pants, literally and metaphorically.
In early 2013, as a last desperate means to save her sanity, Melanie turned to a nearly forgotten childhood activity: the Korean martial art of taekwondo. As if the universe were listening, she discovered her West Texas childhood taekwondo instructors’ Grandmaster operated a taekwondo school a few miles from her home in Fort Worth, Texas―and she decided to start her training over as a white belt.
In taekwondo, Melanie felt like she had a fresh start in more ways than one. She found an inner peace she’d never known before, a sense of community, a newfound confidence, and a positive outlook on life. The kicking and screaming she was doing in class quieted the long-term kicking and screaming in her mind. Funny and frank, Kicking and Screaming: A Memoir of Madness and Marital Arts is the story of Melanie’s life-changing journey from troubled, lost soul to confident taekwondo black belt.

280 pages, Paperback

Published April 20, 2021

About the author

Melanie D. Gibson was raised in Snyder Texas, where she began taekwondo training at age ten.

Melanie has a bachelor's degree in English from Texas Woman's University, a master of library science from the University of North Texas, and an MBA from the University of Texas at Arlington.

Melanie has worked in the healthcare industry since 2004, with roles as a hospital librarian, corporate trainer, and learning designer.

Melanie continues to pursue advanced taekwondo degrees and writes about martial arts and life in general on her blog Little Black Belt (littleblackbelt.com). She lives in Texas.

"Kicking and Screaming" is her first book.

Reviews

[Meilee Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an open, honest, unblinking story of a woman’s life as she comes to terms with her mental illness and her bad relationship with men, food, and her own body image. I think these are struggles many women can with. I applaud the author’s willingness to be so transparent in sharing her experiences.

It’s important to talk about mental health. It’s too easy to get caught up in polite conversation and avoid having real conversations about topics that aren’t always comfortable to sit with. Mental illness, suicidal thoughts, dysfunctional relationships with men, food, and body image…these are not always to comfortable topics for folks. The way Melanie wrote about them made them approachable for me.

As I read the book I grew increasingly frustrated with Melanie’s relationship with Ricardo. I was impatient for her to realize this was not a healthy relationship. I admired her tenacity towards pursuing the study of her martial art. I applauded her achievements with her college education, her personal finances, and her career. I’m glad Melanie wrote the book the way she did, to showcase her life in so many areas. To admit to looking polished on the outside and being honest about what’s happening behind closed doors take courage.

I celebrated Melanie’s journey through the book from a white belt to a black belt. She went through multiple transitions. She was once a woman who centered her identity around a toxic relationship with a man who brought inner turmoil and depleted her. She became a woman who found a healthy passion that brought her some inner peace and joy. While I won’t be signing up for a taekwondo class anytime soon, I will be rolling out my yoga mat because I need to get some endorphins going.

I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Cassandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a complimentary ARC

An open look at achieving goals with the strength of the author to get back up and fight. There is definitely a lot of real life drama included.

[Abigail Arvisu · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found the writer’s voice and humor much like my family’s. As soon as I read the first page - the first line - I was hooked. Melanie Gibson truly writes in a way that makes me feel like she was speaking to me over coffee or nowadays boba with my dear friends. Since I’m of a younger generation, the conversations of mental health are becoming more frequent and normal in every day life; being open to your loved ones about mental health has been truly life-changing for us all. This book goes deeper and allows you to ride through the motions with the author’s discomfort and thoughts which can be comforting to some or completely unheard of to others. (I definitely was surprised if not shocked at the “solutions” to her relationships.) Through my friends who majored in psychology and through a few related college courses on social science, I’ve learned a lot about people - flawed and all if only to the extent that I understand that grace and forgiveness of mistakes is scarce, especially to one’s self. And women.
This author lets herself be seen through this book which is incredibly brave and stunning. I could not put it down! It was as if I didn’t want to stop talking to the author at lunch, so we went to dinner. Like others who have reviewed and as if she were one of my own dear friends with their own battles on mental health, I found myself cheering for the author/main character on; no matter how her day ended in the book, I was looking forward to her story continuing while completely on the edge of my seat waiting to see how she decided things and fought to get control of her life back by what I hoped would be the end of the book. I wanted to see what that would look like for her. Victorious.

While it was frustrating to wait to let the author decide her relationship in the book, I have had personal experience in being patient and letting go when it comes to others’ decisions in their lives. I realized that only they can choose when and if things will change. I loved the author’s explanation of her relentless passion and devotion to taekwondo. The structure of the book is a perfect callback to the level of belts that helped build and organize her life. I did try this martial art in my early college years, and I didn’t have a connection anywhere near like that of the author’s; however, I know what it feels like to work back to and succeed in moving forward on a chosen passion (not a career or work), and the intrinsic and limitless rewards it can bring to one’s life.

With such a beautiful output of a memoir and funny at that, I thank you for letting me get to know you a little bit, Ms. Gibson. This story is definitely a piece of art.

[Kathleen Garber · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review

This is a memoir about mental illness and martial arts. I really enjoyed this memoir. I’ve read a lot of memoirs about people who have Bipolar, as does this author (amongst other things.) Most of them are stories about full blown Bipolar 1 which includes psychotic breaks and hospitalizations. For those who have never experienced this, those stories can be the most “interesting” to the reader. However I (and others) suffer from Bipolar 2 which can be just as debilitating. This doesn’t include psychotic breaks and full blown mania. You don’t read too many memoirs about this type of Bipolar. Although the author doesn’t specify which Bipolar she has, from the book it seems more like Bipolar 2. Either way, it’s the story of mental illness, substance abuse and poor relationships.

It’s important to note that the author uses the word crazy to describer herself in a joking way. She explains in the book that she knows some people might take offense to that. However she explains that she likes to use that word. I do the same thing. I wouldn’t want someone else to call me crazy but I feel like I can call myself crazy if I want.

It’s not just the mental illness part I enjoyed. I couldn’t identify with the martial arts part as I’ve never done it. However I really enjoyed reading about it. The book reminded me of another one I read long ago called Without Apology which is about boxing. Boxing and Martial Arts are not the same but I enjoyed that one too.

I recommend this book to anyone really, but especially to those with interest in mental illness and/or martial arts.

[Cindy Roesel · Rating 4 out of 5]

May is MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH and chances are you or someone you know suffers from mental illness. There's still a lot of negative stigma associated with the disease, so many people don't talk about it. They try for as long as they can to keep it a secret. But for those writers willing to take the chance to share their truth, there is often something we readers can relate to and take away. Melanie D. Gibson is one such writer who puts IT all out there in her memoir, KICKING and SCREAMING: A Memoir of Madness and Martial Arts (SheWritesPress)
.
Melanie was a lonely, single professional. Her career was more successful than her dismal dating life, or lack there of. But she did have one relationship. It was with Jack Daniels and the anti-anxiety, highly-addictive drug, Klonopin. And she still failed to quiet her troubled mind. After years of faking it on the job, nightly crying herself to sleep, basically suffering in private, she knew she was on the "brink of total mental self-destruction." That's when she remembered how she loved taking taekwondo as a ten-year old and decided to start again. What she found was "a path to inner peace and a mode for her real self to emerge."

KICKING and SCREAMING takes readers from white belt to black belt sharing all of the self-doubt and growth in between. Gibson writes in a way that I felt like we were just having a chat over lunch. I'm considering taking up Taekwondo. Kicking and screaming sounds like a blast!

[Maggie Rodriguez]

Y’all. This memoir kicks butt. It’s been a while since I’ve read a book I couldn’t put down, and this is one I couldn’t wait to come back to every day to read what would happen next. I found myself cheering for Melanie every step along the way – and was truly inspired by her honesty, determination, humor and “realness.” I’ve lived with the effects of a bipolar diagnosis for 10+ years, and it has a been quite a ride… so this was very comforting to read. I deeply related to parts of it, and so appreciated her raw vulnerability about her experience of working through her challenges. I’ve giggled out loud a lot while reading this, and dog-eared many pages that resonated with me or taught me something new.

Here and there I have found outlets that help me express myself and feel more “real” – dance, hiking, music, writing… but I have always been curious about martial arts. I stepped into a studio once for a flyer but never made it back. Hearing her describe it though makes me want to try a taekwondo class and probably bring a friend. So here I go.
Highly recommend this book! Enjoy.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel honored, like I was given an invitation to share in Melanie Gibson's journey to black belt. Gibson demonstrates a degree of vulnerability not often seen in memoirs but still managed to work in plenty of wry humor to keep the story light. I found myself saying "Oh hell no, Ricardo!" on multiple occasions while my family was left to wonder what the hell mom was reading. Though I had no idea what the difference between a spin kick and a roundhouse kick was before reading this book, I found myself rooting for Melanie, not just for belt tests, but all the other tests in her life she outlines in this fast-paced memoir. And how perfect is that cover?! I guess I'll have to get my expanding ass to a dojang at Gibson's urging.

[Shelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Taekwondo may not be my thing, but Melanie uses it in the way to spark positivity and peace. That, in itself, we could all take a good hard look at. We all have flaws and need something that grounds us. It was inspiring to read how Melanie took this to heart and ran all the way with it to a black belt. What an amazing accomplishment! I loved how open, honest, and raw her story was - especially in the beginning. That first step is crucial to guiding us through the adversity, plateaus, and setbacks that we will inevitably face. I appreciated her candid approach to telling her story and enjoyed learning more about taekwondo than expected!

[Deborah Shepherd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Melanie D. Gibson had me at the prologue. No, actually, she had me at the pitch-perfect title: Kicking and Screaming. And who would have thought I’d be so captivated by “a memoir of madness and martial arts,” when I know nothing about taekwondo, or any other martial art, for that matter: frankly, a book on the subject would not normally pique my interest. But this memoir about how Gibson rescued her own life through grit, determination and turning back side kicks is so well-written, so compelling, and so hopeful. Add her wry, self-deprecating sense of humor to the mix, and you come out with a real winner.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kicking and Screaming isn’t a conventional memoir. The author even says she is the villain of the story sometimes. Gibson isn’t a conventional woman. She doesn’t want children, she doesn’t need to live in fancy place like New York City and she practices taekwondo. But readers will relate to her honesty as she battles mental illness and eating disorders -- and feel relieved that someone experiences the same turbulent emotions.

[Randi-Lee Bowslaugh · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a well written book with valuable insight into the world of martial arts and how that helps your mental health. The reason I gave 4 stars is because I would have liked to see a little more about the mental health journey, however, it was long enough the way it was written and is still very much worth the read. Maybe there will be a part two ?

[Ännä · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was intrigued by the subject of this book. As a counselor books related to mental illness and moving through that are of particular interest to me. Unfortunately I found it a struggle to get engaged in this memoir. I’d recommend it for those interested in mental health and martial arts.

[17Lyd · Rating 4 out of 5]

I relate... being a taekwondoist and struggling with mental health, so this book spoke to me and was brought out in a way that I loved.