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(M)otherhood: On the choices of being a woman
In a world where women have more choices than ever, society nevertheless continues to exert the stigma and pressures of less enlightened times when it comes to childbirth, defining women by whether they embrace or reject motherhood, and whether they can have children or not.
Dr Pragya Agarwal uses her own varied experiences and choices around motherhood to examine the broader societal and scientific factors that drive how we think and talk about this issue - including education, economic status, feminism, race and more.
Extremely open in its honesty and meticulously researched, (M)otherhood makes a powerful argument for the need to tackle society's obsession with women's bodies and fertility - and urgently.
Dr Pragya Agarwal uses her own varied experiences and choices around motherhood to examine the broader societal and scientific factors that drive how we think and talk about this issue - including education, economic status, feminism, race and more.
Extremely open in its honesty and meticulously researched, (M)otherhood makes a powerful argument for the need to tackle society's obsession with women's bodies and fertility - and urgently.
304 pages, Hardcover
Published June 3, 2021
75 people are currently reading
1720 people want to read
About the author
Pragya Agarwal
13 books67 followersDr Pragya Agarwal is an activist, behavioural and data scientist, speaker and a consultant. As a Senior Academic in US and UK universities, she has held the prestigious Leverhulme Fellowship, following a PhD from the University of Nottingham. Her publications are on reading lists of leading academic courses across the world.
Pragya is the author of SWAY: Unravelling Unconscious Bias published with Bloomsbury Publishing, and ‘Wish we knew what to say: Talking with children about race’, a manual for parents, carers and educators of all backgrounds and ethnicities to talk to children about race and racism, published with Dialogue Books (Little, Brown/Hachette).
Pragya has worked as a consultant and speaker with organisations around the world, including universities, corporate and non-profits, and schools, delivering talks and workshops on unconscious bias, racism, social inclusion, power and privilege.
A passionate campaigner for women’s rights, and two-time TEDx speaker herself, Pragya organised the first ever TEDxWoman event in the north of the UK. She regularly appears on panels and has given keynotes around the world. Pragya has appeared on BBC Woman’s Hour, BBC Breakfast, Sky News, Australian Broadcasting Service, and Canadian Radio. She is the founder of a social enterprise The Art Tiffin. and a research think-tank The 50 Percent Project investigating women’s status and rights around the world. Pragya is the winner of the Diverse Wisdom Writing award from Hay House Publishing in 2018, and was named as one of the 100 influential women in social enterprise in the UK, and one of 50 people creating change in the UK-India corridor.
As a freelance journalist, Pragya writes - ethical, literary, scientific- articles widely. Her writing on bias and prejudice, motherhood, gender and racial inequality and mental health has appeared in The Guardian, New Scientist, Scientific American, Independent, BMJ, Times Higher Education, Huffington Post, Prospect, Forbes, and many more.
Pragya has a mini podcast series ‘Outside the boxes’ examining how the labels and stereotypes affect us as a society, the science behind it, and what we can do about it. And, in 2020, she launched another mini-series ‘Wish We Knew What To Say’ to accompany her book of the same name. In six episodes, she speaks with parents of different ethnic backgrounds about their experiences and raising children with secure identities.
Pragya moved to the UK from India almost twenty years ago to study for a Masters at the University of York on a British Council Fellowship, and now lives in the north- west with her family.
Pragya is the author of SWAY: Unravelling Unconscious Bias published with Bloomsbury Publishing, and ‘Wish we knew what to say: Talking with children about race’, a manual for parents, carers and educators of all backgrounds and ethnicities to talk to children about race and racism, published with Dialogue Books (Little, Brown/Hachette).
Pragya has worked as a consultant and speaker with organisations around the world, including universities, corporate and non-profits, and schools, delivering talks and workshops on unconscious bias, racism, social inclusion, power and privilege.
A passionate campaigner for women’s rights, and two-time TEDx speaker herself, Pragya organised the first ever TEDxWoman event in the north of the UK. She regularly appears on panels and has given keynotes around the world. Pragya has appeared on BBC Woman’s Hour, BBC Breakfast, Sky News, Australian Broadcasting Service, and Canadian Radio. She is the founder of a social enterprise The Art Tiffin. and a research think-tank The 50 Percent Project investigating women’s status and rights around the world. Pragya is the winner of the Diverse Wisdom Writing award from Hay House Publishing in 2018, and was named as one of the 100 influential women in social enterprise in the UK, and one of 50 people creating change in the UK-India corridor.
As a freelance journalist, Pragya writes - ethical, literary, scientific- articles widely. Her writing on bias and prejudice, motherhood, gender and racial inequality and mental health has appeared in The Guardian, New Scientist, Scientific American, Independent, BMJ, Times Higher Education, Huffington Post, Prospect, Forbes, and many more.
Pragya has a mini podcast series ‘Outside the boxes’ examining how the labels and stereotypes affect us as a society, the science behind it, and what we can do about it. And, in 2020, she launched another mini-series ‘Wish We Knew What To Say’ to accompany her book of the same name. In six episodes, she speaks with parents of different ethnic backgrounds about their experiences and raising children with secure identities.
Pragya moved to the UK from India almost twenty years ago to study for a Masters at the University of York on a British Council Fellowship, and now lives in the north- west with her family.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 60 reviews
August 25, 2021
The book is self described as sitting “somewhere between a memoir and a scientific and historical disquisition of women’s reproductive choices and infertility”
My problems with the book were many:
1) It is more a book about trying to become a mother rather than motherhood. Agarwal becomes a mother early in the book, but her relationship with her daughter isn’t highlighted. She repeats that she loves her elder daughter a lot but one is left with a vaccum as she doesn’t share any anecdotes or incidences that gives a glimpse into this relationship.
2) the format of a memoir-cum-feminist study is novel in ways but clumsy in parts. I like how she uses her personal story to question the ways of the world, but the connection that a reader hopes to find through a memoir is lacking due to her reservations to open up about her life. Her first marriage is spoken about in terms of her pregnancy and her mother in law; her husband is never mentioned. Then we understand that she is divorced. One understands that she doesn’t want to reveal too much about that part of her life, but it also feels very strange to read.
Her father is mentioned negatively fleetingly, but she doesn’t go into it. She criticizes her mother in a moment, but doesn’t share much about her parents relationship. The same is with her elder daughter. She seems so guarded that it made me wonder why she decided to write a memoir when she did not want to share much. Perhaps the book would have felt more honest if she had let it just be a feminist study.
3) I am a feminist, which is why this book interested me, but I grew extremely tired of her complaints. As an Indian woman who has gone through years of IUIs and IVFs, I still could not relate to her constant blaming, complaining and victimhood.
She made many good points but the complaining just became the overwhelming larger theme of the book, for me.
My problems with the book were many:
1) It is more a book about trying to become a mother rather than motherhood. Agarwal becomes a mother early in the book, but her relationship with her daughter isn’t highlighted. She repeats that she loves her elder daughter a lot but one is left with a vaccum as she doesn’t share any anecdotes or incidences that gives a glimpse into this relationship.
2) the format of a memoir-cum-feminist study is novel in ways but clumsy in parts. I like how she uses her personal story to question the ways of the world, but the connection that a reader hopes to find through a memoir is lacking due to her reservations to open up about her life. Her first marriage is spoken about in terms of her pregnancy and her mother in law; her husband is never mentioned. Then we understand that she is divorced. One understands that she doesn’t want to reveal too much about that part of her life, but it also feels very strange to read.
Her father is mentioned negatively fleetingly, but she doesn’t go into it. She criticizes her mother in a moment, but doesn’t share much about her parents relationship. The same is with her elder daughter. She seems so guarded that it made me wonder why she decided to write a memoir when she did not want to share much. Perhaps the book would have felt more honest if she had let it just be a feminist study.
3) I am a feminist, which is why this book interested me, but I grew extremely tired of her complaints. As an Indian woman who has gone through years of IUIs and IVFs, I still could not relate to her constant blaming, complaining and victimhood.
She made many good points but the complaining just became the overwhelming larger theme of the book, for me.
August 2, 2021
“Mothering would be my biggest gesture of defiance.”
(2.5) Growing up in India, Agarwal, now a behavioural and data scientist, wished she could be a boy for her father’s sake. Being the third daughter was no place of honour in society’s eyes, but her parents ensured that she got a good education and expected her to achieve great things. Still, when she got her first period, it felt like being forced onto a fertility track she didn’t want. There was a dearth of helpful sex education, and Hinduism has prohibitions that appear to diminish women, e.g. menstruating females aren’t permitted to enter a temple.
Married and unexpectedly pregnant in 1996, Agarwal determined to raise her daughter differently. Her mother-in-law was deeply disappointed that the baby was a girl, which only increased her stubborn pride: “Giving birth to my daughter felt like first love, my only love. Not planned but wanted all along. … Me and her against the world.” No element of becoming a mother or of her later life lived up to her expectations, but each apparent failure gave a chance to explore the spectrum of women’s experiences: C-section birth, abortion, divorce, emigration, infertility treatment, and finally having further children via a surrogate.
While I enjoyed the surprising sweep of Agarwal’s life story, this is no straightforward memoir. It aims to be an exhaustive survey of women’s life choices and the cultural forces that guide or constrain them. The book is dense with history and statistics, veers between topics, and needed a better edit for vernacular English and smoothing out academic jargon. I also found that I wasn’t interested enough in the specifics of women’s lives in India.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
(2.5) Growing up in India, Agarwal, now a behavioural and data scientist, wished she could be a boy for her father’s sake. Being the third daughter was no place of honour in society’s eyes, but her parents ensured that she got a good education and expected her to achieve great things. Still, when she got her first period, it felt like being forced onto a fertility track she didn’t want. There was a dearth of helpful sex education, and Hinduism has prohibitions that appear to diminish women, e.g. menstruating females aren’t permitted to enter a temple.
Married and unexpectedly pregnant in 1996, Agarwal determined to raise her daughter differently. Her mother-in-law was deeply disappointed that the baby was a girl, which only increased her stubborn pride: “Giving birth to my daughter felt like first love, my only love. Not planned but wanted all along. … Me and her against the world.” No element of becoming a mother or of her later life lived up to her expectations, but each apparent failure gave a chance to explore the spectrum of women’s experiences: C-section birth, abortion, divorce, emigration, infertility treatment, and finally having further children via a surrogate.
While I enjoyed the surprising sweep of Agarwal’s life story, this is no straightforward memoir. It aims to be an exhaustive survey of women’s life choices and the cultural forces that guide or constrain them. The book is dense with history and statistics, veers between topics, and needed a better edit for vernacular English and smoothing out academic jargon. I also found that I wasn’t interested enough in the specifics of women’s lives in India.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
August 21, 2021
2.5 ⭐️s
My review is a tale of two halves! I had high hopes for this book after hearing Agarwal talk about it on Radio 4. At the beginning, I was very intrigued and found much of the sociological context interesting. I particularly enjoyed reading chapter VI. ‘Half-Women Creatures’, which was fascinating and well-researched. Sadly, here is where the life of the book finished for me.
After this chapter, when the author begins to fairly narrowly focus on their own journey of parenting twins via surrogacy, I became increasingly disinterested and frustrated with her tone and attitude. I understand that the process of surrogacy must have been an extremely challenging experience but the author’s self-pity and constant contradictions grated on me. Did she want to be in India or not?! Did she realise how blessed they were?
It’s not that I wasn’t interested in hearing about Agarwal and her partner’s experience but I think it was blighted by her ongoing identity crisis and some underlying anger, I’m not sure who with, which ended up making me feel quite sad! It ends on a slightly more positive note but truth be told I almost ended up giving up before I got there as it felt like such a slog!
My review is a tale of two halves! I had high hopes for this book after hearing Agarwal talk about it on Radio 4. At the beginning, I was very intrigued and found much of the sociological context interesting. I particularly enjoyed reading chapter VI. ‘Half-Women Creatures’, which was fascinating and well-researched. Sadly, here is where the life of the book finished for me.
After this chapter, when the author begins to fairly narrowly focus on their own journey of parenting twins via surrogacy, I became increasingly disinterested and frustrated with her tone and attitude. I understand that the process of surrogacy must have been an extremely challenging experience but the author’s self-pity and constant contradictions grated on me. Did she want to be in India or not?! Did she realise how blessed they were?
It’s not that I wasn’t interested in hearing about Agarwal and her partner’s experience but I think it was blighted by her ongoing identity crisis and some underlying anger, I’m not sure who with, which ended up making me feel quite sad! It ends on a slightly more positive note but truth be told I almost ended up giving up before I got there as it felt like such a slog!
March 27, 2023
I am a big believer in finishing books I start. The author gave it its best, I think, and so I can give it some hours of my attention, too. I had to make an exception here. It was perhaps the most exhausting book I ever picked up and I finally gave up on page 170. The occasional wisdom is drowned in an artificially elevated and frustratingly whiny tone, noting that absolutely everything is a problem and the opposite of the problem is a problem, too. You can't win.
June 11, 2021
In the words of the author - 'this book sits somewhere between a memoir and a scientific and historical disquisition of women's reproductive choices and infertility'. A very thought-provoking book that manages to tackle a breadth of issues
November 12, 2021
(I received this book from Women’s Web in exchange for an honest review)
What makes one a mother? Is it the biological act of carrying a foetus within one’s body? Or is it the point when a child is legally and irrevocably declared yours? Does motherhood come easier to some groups of people over others?
These are some of the issues that behavioural and data scientist Dr. Pragya Agarwal aims to address in her latest book – (M)otherhood: On the choices of being a woman.
As an Indian mother who gave birth to and is raising both her children away from her country, I was hoping for insights into the journey of a cis-gendered mother bringing up children in a culture that is not her own. However, the (m)othering here is of a different kind.
Read the complete review here
https://www.womensweb.in/2021/11/moth...
What makes one a mother? Is it the biological act of carrying a foetus within one’s body? Or is it the point when a child is legally and irrevocably declared yours? Does motherhood come easier to some groups of people over others?
These are some of the issues that behavioural and data scientist Dr. Pragya Agarwal aims to address in her latest book – (M)otherhood: On the choices of being a woman.
As an Indian mother who gave birth to and is raising both her children away from her country, I was hoping for insights into the journey of a cis-gendered mother bringing up children in a culture that is not her own. However, the (m)othering here is of a different kind.
Read the complete review here
https://www.womensweb.in/2021/11/moth...
November 7, 2021
I’m surprised at how much was covered over the course of this 340 page book.
The topics are incredibly extensive. She covers reproductive oppression, female anatomy and agency through conversations and personal experiences in pregnancy, societal pressures, fitting into the mould of what being a woman means, maternal health, infertility, surrogacy. So many things. She is also hyper aware of areas she feels she is unable to speak about - include the role of binary / non binary identities in relation to motherhood. I liked the wide coverage she had across different topics and phases of motherhood.
I also learnt a great deal of cool facts. Like how frogs were basically the pregnancy test of the 1700s. Good stuff.
The topics are incredibly extensive. She covers reproductive oppression, female anatomy and agency through conversations and personal experiences in pregnancy, societal pressures, fitting into the mould of what being a woman means, maternal health, infertility, surrogacy. So many things. She is also hyper aware of areas she feels she is unable to speak about - include the role of binary / non binary identities in relation to motherhood. I liked the wide coverage she had across different topics and phases of motherhood.
I also learnt a great deal of cool facts. Like how frogs were basically the pregnancy test of the 1700s. Good stuff.
August 9, 2022
Really interesting, challenged some of my subconscious perceptions of motherhood/mothering and especially good to hear the perspective of a PoC woman on this topic.
April 14, 2022
I struggled with this book at the beginning, as I got further in I was so fascinated by the style of writing. The way the author incorporates science, literature and her own story is like being in the inner workings of her mind. The learnings of the journey of how far science has come, yet how far behind the world is for women that lack privilege was eye opening for me.
September 21, 2021
Thought provoking
August 25, 2024
Interesting in parts but quite over written, with flouncy literary language wedged up against social scientific prose that made slightly awkward bedfellows.
November 2, 2021
At our last meeting we read (M)Otherhood by Pragya Agarwal.
We had an incredibly honest and refreshing conversation about motherhood, and the way that perceptions and expectations of motherhood affect all women - whether they have children or not.
This was a fascinating book, a real delve into fertility, pregnancy, maternal health and women’s bodies. While we did feel there were gaps - we wanted to know more about her experience of raising her children and the challenges that come with that, and why she made certain (what must have been incredibly difficult) choices - but we still took so much away from this book.
We found that we were all wary to read it in the first place; the mums of the group were a little concerned they were going to be told they’re doing it all wrong, and those who don’t have kids or perhaps don’t want kids were concerned they’d feel pushed into a certain choice or stereotype. But the book did neither of those things.
Instead it provoked necessary conversations about what Agarwal calls ‘social infertility’, taking a much more detailed look at the resources that are actually necessary to be a mother, or parent in general, beyond the ability or choice to conceive.
We explored the trauma of birth, or the trauma surrounding fertility for a lot of women and the fact that support is still so lacking. And also talked about the impact this has on fathers or the second parent and their family relationships.
We enjoyed seeing Agarwal genuinely change her mind throughout this book, from someone adamant not to have children, to an unexpected mum, to someone desperately yearning to have kids. It made us consider how much of a ‘choice’ we really have as women in a reality that we can’t control. The decision to become a mother or parent (or not) is so loaded - we have to be sure we’re making the ‘right’ choice without knowing what the ‘right’ choice is.
We also talked about how much prejudice there is in our societal ideals of a ‘good’ mother. Wrapped up in class, race and family ideals. Not to mention how the origins of understanding around maternal health are rooted in slavery and the mistreatment of women of colour whose own babies were deprived while they were forced to care for slave-owner’s children.
Overall, this book was an eye opening read and provoked a fascinating discussion between people who have their own vast and varied experiences of motherhood.
We had an incredibly honest and refreshing conversation about motherhood, and the way that perceptions and expectations of motherhood affect all women - whether they have children or not.
This was a fascinating book, a real delve into fertility, pregnancy, maternal health and women’s bodies. While we did feel there were gaps - we wanted to know more about her experience of raising her children and the challenges that come with that, and why she made certain (what must have been incredibly difficult) choices - but we still took so much away from this book.
We found that we were all wary to read it in the first place; the mums of the group were a little concerned they were going to be told they’re doing it all wrong, and those who don’t have kids or perhaps don’t want kids were concerned they’d feel pushed into a certain choice or stereotype. But the book did neither of those things.
Instead it provoked necessary conversations about what Agarwal calls ‘social infertility’, taking a much more detailed look at the resources that are actually necessary to be a mother, or parent in general, beyond the ability or choice to conceive.
We explored the trauma of birth, or the trauma surrounding fertility for a lot of women and the fact that support is still so lacking. And also talked about the impact this has on fathers or the second parent and their family relationships.
We enjoyed seeing Agarwal genuinely change her mind throughout this book, from someone adamant not to have children, to an unexpected mum, to someone desperately yearning to have kids. It made us consider how much of a ‘choice’ we really have as women in a reality that we can’t control. The decision to become a mother or parent (or not) is so loaded - we have to be sure we’re making the ‘right’ choice without knowing what the ‘right’ choice is.
We also talked about how much prejudice there is in our societal ideals of a ‘good’ mother. Wrapped up in class, race and family ideals. Not to mention how the origins of understanding around maternal health are rooted in slavery and the mistreatment of women of colour whose own babies were deprived while they were forced to care for slave-owner’s children.
Overall, this book was an eye opening read and provoked a fascinating discussion between people who have their own vast and varied experiences of motherhood.
June 14, 2021
Part-memoir part-research study, (M)otherhood is an insightful book that had me questioning some of my own assumptions about women's choices when it comes to motherhood.
I liked how Pragya Agarwal anchors every chapter with her personal narrative and then brings in the research and experiences of others to broaden the perspective. It definitely makes for a more nuanced and emotive read- and how could one write about a topic as charged as motherhood without being upfront about one's own subjectivity in relation to it?
Agarwal has been incredibly brave in sharing her experiences of pregnancy, abortion, infertility and surrogacy. There were times when I disagreed with her views (esp re surrogacy) but I still valued her perspective and the nuance she brought to the debate.
The greatest strength of the book is its intersectional approach to women's bodies in general and motherhood in particular. Agarwal has brought in a ton load of historical and scientific research and made it accessible. She constantly reminds us how each of the topics discussed affects those who are marginalised and othered: women of colour, gay people, trans men and women, low income women etc.
If I have one criticism of the book it is that the writing style is too verbose, especially when it comes to her memoir parts. The same thought is conveyed in multiple ways. The prose could've benefited from a tighter edit and, if I dare say, also from 'killing some of her darlings': poetry and philosophy and long quotes from books that are weaved into the narrative in a clunky way.
Having said that, the book is essential reading for its intersectional take on issues of reproductive justice. I admire Pragya Agarwal's courage in writing openly about some very painful and deeply personal episodes in her life. I could resonate with so much of what she said and would definitely recommend others to pick it up.
I liked how Pragya Agarwal anchors every chapter with her personal narrative and then brings in the research and experiences of others to broaden the perspective. It definitely makes for a more nuanced and emotive read- and how could one write about a topic as charged as motherhood without being upfront about one's own subjectivity in relation to it?
Agarwal has been incredibly brave in sharing her experiences of pregnancy, abortion, infertility and surrogacy. There were times when I disagreed with her views (esp re surrogacy) but I still valued her perspective and the nuance she brought to the debate.
The greatest strength of the book is its intersectional approach to women's bodies in general and motherhood in particular. Agarwal has brought in a ton load of historical and scientific research and made it accessible. She constantly reminds us how each of the topics discussed affects those who are marginalised and othered: women of colour, gay people, trans men and women, low income women etc.
If I have one criticism of the book it is that the writing style is too verbose, especially when it comes to her memoir parts. The same thought is conveyed in multiple ways. The prose could've benefited from a tighter edit and, if I dare say, also from 'killing some of her darlings': poetry and philosophy and long quotes from books that are weaved into the narrative in a clunky way.
Having said that, the book is essential reading for its intersectional take on issues of reproductive justice. I admire Pragya Agarwal's courage in writing openly about some very painful and deeply personal episodes in her life. I could resonate with so much of what she said and would definitely recommend others to pick it up.
July 25, 2022
Enjoyed discussion of the internal debates and paradox’s between being a feminist and wanting to be a mother, and whilst I enjoyed the discussions on how much more of TTC , pregnancy and motherhood is weighted on women than it is on men, I didn’t think there was actually THAT much talk on how women are often defined as mothers and the assumption they will become one. Also wanted a bit more on the penalities women often face once becoming a mother and how the competition to be a ‘perfect mother’ often reinforces patriarchy, keeping women in competition with each other. The book felt far more weighted in the TTC journey, which whilst interesting got a tad repetitive. However that’s probably in part due to all the reading I’ve done on the topic. The discussion on the trials and tribulations of surrogacy was very insightful and raised a lot of interesting questions for me, as did the coda, and the debates on the difference between motherhood and mothering. Also really enjoyed the coda, very powerful. The book is incredibly well written, Agarwal really has as a beautiful use of language which was really enjoyable to read.
April 3, 2023
2.5
This was, at times, a struggle. It felt unedited, rushed, and like it lost the point often. Beyond 5 months of very specific aspects of parenting, this book seemed solely to focus on before birth. It often raised interesting points only to repeat the same points from previous sections. It failed to toe the line well between depressing and honest. Where was the joy, the progress, the hope?
This was, at times, a struggle. It felt unedited, rushed, and like it lost the point often. Beyond 5 months of very specific aspects of parenting, this book seemed solely to focus on before birth. It often raised interesting points only to repeat the same points from previous sections. It failed to toe the line well between depressing and honest. Where was the joy, the progress, the hope?
October 26, 2022
Oddly structured. Reads as a vanity project for an academic who has enough of a name that she can refuse editorial advice.
October 17, 2022
"Many of the scientific and social ideas around motherhood, and womanhood, emerge from cultural conditioning and bias, and many ideas around women's bodies have been shaped by misogynistic and patriarchal constructs.... This is a book about choices. The roads we follow, and those we are not allowed to walk."
I found Agarwal's memoir/scientific and historical disquisition of women's reproductive choices fascinating and well thought out. I empathized with her and learnt a lot about the subject, not just of fertility, but also infertility, abortion, the choice not to mother, and how all these choices and paths affect women of different walks of earth differently. I appreciated the consideration for all aspects of fertility and for many types of people including transgender and women of colour. I also appreciated the feminist angle while acknowledging that her personal choice ended up following a more traditional woman's path (not that surrogacy is traditional, just her desire to mother as a cis gender woman and ability to access fertility options as a privileged member of a rich country).
"I am angry about so much, and grateful for considerably more. But the fact that I am grateful makes me angry too. Because women should not be grateful. Because autonomy should be - and is - a fundamental human right."
I found Agarwal's memoir/scientific and historical disquisition of women's reproductive choices fascinating and well thought out. I empathized with her and learnt a lot about the subject, not just of fertility, but also infertility, abortion, the choice not to mother, and how all these choices and paths affect women of different walks of earth differently. I appreciated the consideration for all aspects of fertility and for many types of people including transgender and women of colour. I also appreciated the feminist angle while acknowledging that her personal choice ended up following a more traditional woman's path (not that surrogacy is traditional, just her desire to mother as a cis gender woman and ability to access fertility options as a privileged member of a rich country).
"I am angry about so much, and grateful for considerably more. But the fact that I am grateful makes me angry too. Because women should not be grateful. Because autonomy should be - and is - a fundamental human right."
June 30, 2023
Its more of a 3.5 rounded to 4. I had very mixed feelings about this book- as the author herself, it is part memoir, part historical and scientific data on women and their reproductive bodies and rights. But the problem with that is it feels incomplete in accomplishing all of these. Sometimes we go too deep into the partiarchy the author faced in India, some childhood reminiscing etc which don't add much value while we hardly get any insight into her relationship with her daughter which is odd considering its a book mostly on motherhood. Nevertheless, there's no denying that it does have a bunch of takeaways on how long the road to really having more autonomy on the choices of woman/motherhood is.
June 20, 2023
Tough, tough read, especially the chapters on surrogacy where Agarwal's frustration and pain scream off the page. Compelling and necessary book. Only gripe is that stepmothers were pretty much absent in her otherwise very comprehensive considerations on difference and intersectionality amongst the mothering cadre. There's much more space in my head for the conversation on the difference between motherhood and mothering and look forward to educating myself on that more.
January 2, 2022
So, basically, it sucks being a woman, whether you have autonomy or not. Cool, thanks.
April 9, 2023
my body is mine
July 22, 2023
This is a must read. For everyone.
July 23, 2021
I work in perinatal mental health and so this book is so valuable to underpin the work I do. She looks at all different aspects of becoming a mother - surprise babies, fertility treatments, surrogacy and really engages with not only the personal perspective of thoughts and feelings, but also the cultural, social and political context motherhood is both encouraged by and constrained by. Sometimes discriminated by. She also always ensures to introduce intersectionality of motherhood experience which, as a health professional, is something we should be thinking about every day. She reminds us that so much health policy is developed, adopted and maintained based on the experience of a certain type of person and that due to this, there are many hidden voices which go unheard. She also points out where the research is lacking and where it should go. It has an international focus so she can illustrate her points from different perspectives.
I suppose one suggestion would be that a tighter edit may have helped - there was some repetition and some rumination on points which had already been made. However, the overall importance of this book cannot be understated and I think reading it gives benefit to us all in our society, whether we are mothers or not, or choose to be mothers or don’t have that option: how we treat this role and the people who undertake it after all says a lot about our society and the way it is going. Definitely one for healthcare professionals to read too.
I suppose one suggestion would be that a tighter edit may have helped - there was some repetition and some rumination on points which had already been made. However, the overall importance of this book cannot be understated and I think reading it gives benefit to us all in our society, whether we are mothers or not, or choose to be mothers or don’t have that option: how we treat this role and the people who undertake it after all says a lot about our society and the way it is going. Definitely one for healthcare professionals to read too.
March 11, 2023
My Experience of Motherhood would be a more apt title - I was excited by the outline of the introduction and, given how recent the publication, expected (no pun intended) new and broad discussion. What I got was a fairly dull memoir with some stats thrown in, obligatory references to trans women that didn’t go anywhere (to be fair, Agarwal does reference the fact she doesn’t deepdive but the cursory mentions felt performative), and random tangential subjects that sometimes felt like streams of consciousness. Solipsistic and narrow.
July 26, 2023
The chapters of this book should’ve stayed as personal diary entries from the author - never to see the light of day.
It also wouldn’t have killed her to drop in a kind word or two about her (seemingly) supportive and understanding husband.
It also wouldn’t have killed her to drop in a kind word or two about her (seemingly) supportive and understanding husband.
April 22, 2023
Phwoarrrrr
Read
January 12, 2025Did my best but couldnt finish this.
August 29, 2021
I am so glad that I’ve got to broaden my horizon about women’s reproductive health and choices through the lens of this book, especially because it was intersectional and calling out privilege when comes to better reproductive outcomes. What blew my mind the most personally is the part where the book discusses issues with chromosomal abnormalities (Down’s syndrome, miscarriage, etc) and how older man’s sperm can be responsible for that yet we focus on women when it comes to these issues and blaming them to focus on their careers before deciding to start a family later in their lives and not when it would be “best”. Also I was raging when I was reading about the “female orgasm makes fertilization easier/happen” and using this false narrative to decide whether a woman was raped or not. If she got pregnant then it could not have been rape. I was so outraged by this but I unfortunately understand the notion better that men don’t believe women when they say they’ve been raped.. Pragy Agarwal was also very brave to share her own story, I did not know much about surrogacy beforehand and it’s an important topic.
What could have made this book better is a good editor, especially at the end, everything was repeated like five times and also the poems and quotes did not add that much to the discourse. Plus when discussing who is a mother, adopting parents were totally left out. I know that the author did not have personal experience with it but still, adoption was really missing from this book.
What could have made this book better is a good editor, especially at the end, everything was repeated like five times and also the poems and quotes did not add that much to the discourse. Plus when discussing who is a mother, adopting parents were totally left out. I know that the author did not have personal experience with it but still, adoption was really missing from this book.
March 30, 2024
It may be coincidental. But, I started reading Pragya Agarwal's (M)otherhood: On the choices of being a woman on the women's day. As the author herself puts it in the introduction "the book is a memoir, a scientific and historic disquisition of women's reproductive choices and infertility".
Agarwal discusses the confines of binaries that society often imposes: mother and non-mother, men and women, good and bad, black and white. This raises questions about what truly defines motherhood. Is it solely the biological act of giving birth, or does it extend to the legal acknowledgment of parental responsibility? Are there certain groups of mothers who find motherhood more accessible?
The book delves into various issues such as menstruation, infertility, surrogacy, and social privilege, offering insights and perspectives worth considering.
Overall, I find the book to be informative and recommendable. It highlights the importance of listening to diverse stories of hope, resilience, and struggle, which can help us feel less isolated in our own experiences and discover a glimmer of light in the darkness.
Agarwal discusses the confines of binaries that society often imposes: mother and non-mother, men and women, good and bad, black and white. This raises questions about what truly defines motherhood. Is it solely the biological act of giving birth, or does it extend to the legal acknowledgment of parental responsibility? Are there certain groups of mothers who find motherhood more accessible?
The book delves into various issues such as menstruation, infertility, surrogacy, and social privilege, offering insights and perspectives worth considering.
Overall, I find the book to be informative and recommendable. It highlights the importance of listening to diverse stories of hope, resilience, and struggle, which can help us feel less isolated in our own experiences and discover a glimmer of light in the darkness.
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