Trans Like Me: Conversations For All Of Us

by C.N. Lester

CN Lester takes the reader through the most pressing questions in the transgender debate, combined with a charged personal narrative of what it means to be a transgender person today. Trans Like Me shows us how we are all defined by ideas of gender, whether we live our lives as he, she or they, and how we can strive for authenticity in a world which often seeks to limit us by way of labels. It also covers hotly contested topics such as the rise in referrals for gender variant children, feminism's treatment of the trans community, and the mainstream media's 'trans moment', among much more.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Queer, Gender, Memoir, Transgender, Feminism

Audiobook

First published May 1, 2017

About the author

CN Lester is a multi-genre musician, author of the critically-acclaimed Trans Like Me, and founder and artistic director of arts event Transpose. CN is a singer-songwriter, classical singer, deviser, and composer. They hold an interdisciplinary performance/research PhD on composer Barbara Strozzi; research interests include performance and composition, gender and music, and the history of gender and sexuality. They work internationally as a trans/queer/feminist educator, writer, speaker, and activist. Words and music at BBC Radio 3 & 4, Newsnight, ITV, The Guardian, SBS, Sydney Opera House, Barbican, Southbank Centre, Royal Exchange, The Arts Club, and arts and book festivals/radio/print worldwide.

They’re currently working on their next album, next book, upcoming opera, and forthcoming academic publications. They live in London.

Reviews

[Alexis Hall]

I fucking adore CN Lester, and their book is about as like them as you'd expect it to be. This is an accessible combination of personal memoir, historical perspective, and social polemic--both sensitive where it needs to be and uncompromising when it matters. It's very much a 101 about trans and non-binary identity, so in that respect it's probably more likely to be "useful" to cis people but the issues it explores it does so extremely thoughtfully. Should probably be required reading for cis people, to be honest.

[Maxwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty comprehensive, accessible resource for people looking to come to an understanding of what it is to be trans (and the multiplicities of that term) in our current culture. Lester writes in a very profound but still approachable style. They focus each chapter on something either directly or tangentially related to trans people’s lives while citing sources and using personal anecdotes. Some what old news personally but I don’t fault them for that; I think it’s good to reiterate, especially for a reader who may not know much about trans lives, the basics so that you can then go on and discuss deeper, more challenging subjects. Lester did that very well, but I’m obviously biased as someone who sides with Lester when it comes to trans rights. Regardless, it was a well researched, well argued and well written book that I’d recommend to anyone who is looking to read more trans literature; that’s been one blindspot in my reading and this, I think, was a good first foray.

[Lizzie Huxley-Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trans Like Me is a mixture of memoir and writing about the current climate around trans people. Lester, who is non-binary, has created an informative introduction to issues surrounding trans people without ever being patronising. While trans people may be familiar with much of the introductory topics Lester provides, I suspect that much of the information about current issues for trans people will be new to many cis people.

As a non-binary person, I found reading Lester’s struggles with presentation and their frustrations at the limitations of hormonal therapy — to be personal here, a major factor in not taking hormones for me was wanting to maintain my singing voice, the same as Lester.

It is an affirming, emotional book that made me cry multiple times.

[Kaitlyn · Rating 2 out of 5]

(2.5 stars)

I had a hard time rating this one, because I didn't want it to seem like I didn't think that this book was important. It is most definitely important. However, I thought that its readability and accessibility weren't the best. I think that everyone needs to be aware of these issues and the issues the Lester presents, however, they didn't make it accessible to people who may not be educated about trans issues.

I wish more people could read this book, but the density might make it too difficult to reach a wide audience.

[Mariana Afonso | Books Of My Own · Rating 4 out of 5]

IMPORTANT. URGENT. NECESSARY.

(4.5)

[Jan · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a powerful book I found this to be. Learning about the transgender experience, I listened to C.N. Lester's calm, firm voice reading each chapter and replayed many passages over and again. Each word unfolded with research, compassion, eloquence, and respect. While pointing out similar experiences transgender people endure from others' beliefs and social constraints, Lester continuously affirms the individuality of so many -- including self. Read or listen and consider your own new realizations. For me? Listening and learning not at a head-level perspective only, not as a quick summation, not as a topic of conversation was genuine, refreshing, and -- yes -- often humbling. It took a good two weeks of story listening on my part before I felt "finished." In truth, I will return to listen again and will share this with others.

[Martha · Rating 4 out of 5]

A clear, well thought-out introduction to trans issues from the musician, academic and activist C.N. Lester. This book meets the reader where they are likely to be, tackling many of the questions/myths that tend to crop up in the media - why gendered public toilets are problematic for trans people, the reality behind the scaremongering around trans children etc. The latter particularly stuck in my mind when Lester highlighted the double standard of expecting trans people to have known they were 'in the wrong body' since childhood (as a means of proving it's not just a whim) but not believing that children are capable of identifying as trans at the time. This is a must-read for all at a time when nationalist/populist governments are getting increasing power and the already-unequal rights of trans people (and many others from oppressed groups) are in danger of being rolled back further.

[priya ☁️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

"How can it be that both trans people and the journalists who write about us believe ourselves to be talking about the same subject, and yet have such wildly different beliefs, words, and ways of speaking?"

"We go on television, then try to protect ourselves from the inevitable abuse that follows, because we hope to be heard by the people who would never dream of watching an online news show produced by trans people. And we become complicit in the machine, knowing that if other people had not done the same for us, we would not be here today to keep the fight going.

[Chelsea DeMasters · Rating 4 out of 5]

Common sense tells us that the trans experience is no walk in the park, but I was unprepared for just how bad it is. This book is startling. It’s painful to read and difficult to fully imagine. I came to this book because I have a total blindspot when it comes to the transgender experience - I have no grasp on the magnitude of the problems faced nor how pervasive and oppressive. I have no first hand knowledge and personally know no one who identifies as trans. I am woefully under-educated and needed a starting place. And Lester’s book does not disappoint. If you’re like me and have a desire to understand the trans community but don’t know where to begin - this is it. This book provides a history lesson, personal stories, explanations to common questions, and touches on current controversies. It’s like a 101 class. I highly recommend the read. And I know this topic is difficult for some but I would encourage everyone - no matter your personal beliefs - to lead with kindness, compassion, and empathy. And if discomfort or fear arises, spend time educating yourself before casting judgement.

[kimberley (thearieslibrary) · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book that seeks to explore some of the topics surrounding the trans debate.

It was a well thought comprehensive argument that was well researched and written. It was an informative read but I don't feel like I learnt anything that I didn't already know. I also wouldn't necessarily say that this book is a memoir because to me, it reads more like research paper. I would have liked to see the book from the perspective of the author and their lived experience, for example learning about the academic and activism work they have done.

As I kept feeling like this was a research paper, I kept wishing that the book would be over as I felt really disinterested due to the writing style, which gave me academic vibes. Although, it did make for an interesting read.

This book wasn't for me but I'm sure it will be the book that someone else needs to read, in order to educate themselves on transgender people.

⚠️ CWs: transphobia, mental illness, bullying, cancer, hate crime, body shaming, death, racism, rape, sexual assault, homophobia, pregnancy, misogyny, panic attacks, suicide, forced institutionalisation, murder, police brutality, sexual harassment and vomit ⚠️

[Bonnie G. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good combination of memoir, social science study, political polemic, history, and opinion piece on feminist theory (and the limitations set by its historical lack of intersectionality.) Lester does not acknowledge in any way the source of people's discomfort with gender nonconformity, and I think just glossing over that discussion limits this to a book that will be broadening to trans allies rather than people still trying to figure things out. One notable example, there is an acknowledgment that for some (certainly not all) gender nonconforming people there is body dysphoria. They then dismiss the possibility that there is a mental health concern with the statement that they is mentally ill, and this is different from their mental health struggles so clearly there is no connection. That sort of tautology (as if all mental health issues and every person's gender dysphoria is the same) weakens what is otherwise a compelling, edifying, and completely worthwhile read.

[Christine Burns · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trans-related books are in vogue at the moment. We are thankfully moving away from the confessional autobiography, which was the publishers' mainstay for much of the last forty years, and now we are seeing a greater diversity of angles about trans people's lives and their relation to society. Trans Like Me signals the way to go. It is one of the best and most articulate books on the subject that I've seen in a while — up there with Julia Serano's 'Whipping Girl'. It's a really intelligent discussion about a whole gamut of issues that today's trans people want cisgender people to know and contemplate. It's challenging, but not in an angry, hectoring style. It just invites the reader to think about things they didn't know or took for granted. Thoroughly recommended -- an absolute must-read.

[Blakeney Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thought-provoking, intelligently written and often surprising, this book does a good job of explaining all the different ways in which the world is built on the flawed assumption of a gender binary and how trans people can be misunderstood and discriminated against within it. I especially liked the Narnia allusion Lester uses to challenge people who don't want to believe in trans identity.

As the professor says to Susan and Peter,"There are only three possibilities. Either your sister is telling lies, or she is mad, or she is telling the truth. You know she doesn't tell lies and it is obvious that she is not mad. For the moment then and unless any further evidence turns up, we must assume that she is telling the truth.”

[Fred Langridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Intimate, informative and moving - I want to get a copy of this for everyone who celebrates or supports my transness, everyone who doesn't really get it and everyone in the overlap.

[Sabin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remember listening to Lester's undulating singing voice in the audiobook and it had a mesmerising effect on me. The book discusses the issues that trans people are facing in the UK by combining personal stories with statistics and scientific studies. And it actually does make a convincing point.

Trans people need to be accepted as members of society, not judged or discriminated against based on their sexuality, and helped as much as any other individual to lead their lives and enjoy the privileges afforded to everyone else. She acknowledges that they are mostly first world problems, but they do exist and be alleviated by different means.

Bigots will always exist, transphobes and people who feel threatened by "the other", so the point is to get the discussion into the mainstream and allow the idea of equality and decency on the whole spectrum of sexual identity to permeate society.

Fast forward from 2017 to 2022 and transphobes have actual ammunition for their cause. Singular cases blown out of proportion and silence and lack of acknowledgement (of course it's all politics) on the other side make people take sides and do harm to the initial project.

I'm sorry to see the state of public discourse at present and I'm afraid that the blame lies, ultimately, on greed and profit, which is the same thing which keeps it running and is, currently, also protecting it from turning into ashes and the breakdown of social order.

[Mel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an absolutely wonderful book. It combines memoir with fact, and is so affirming for non-binary and gender-nonconforming people.

[KADEN · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of those books i hugged after i finished it. i loved this book with my whole heart & you can pry Trans Like Me from my cold, dead hands

[Ashton · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5, solid 101, definitely not written for me (but that’s okay!)

[anocas · Rating 4 out of 5]

✨ favs:

“I cannot put a price on the wonder of being at peace with who I am, and of living my life as my whole, authentic self. I believe we all deserve a chance at that happiness. Opening ourselves up to the trans experience-whether or not we ourselves are trans-means embracing a new way of seeing the world. It requires trust, empathy, and imagination. It is not a one-way process, but a journey we are all on together.”

“Sometimes up to two years, without treatment, to make sure that you're really sure. Not infrequently, doctors count the beginning of the Real Life Test as the date of first referral or diagnosis, disregarding years of self-knowledge, self-discovery, and real world experience.”

“Deprived of affordable surgical options, trans women will resort to self-surgery and peer-administered silicone injections (…) Desperate people will do what they need to do. It's better than suicide-and that is something that happens, too.”

“We can think of sex as being expressed through six broad categories, each existing on a spectrum, capable of being combined in different ways. Chromosomes, hormones, internal sex organs, external sex organs, secondary sexual characteristics, and general morphology: these are the aspects of our bodies that are affected by our potential for sexual reproduction. None are a simple either/or, but all contain room for variations. For most people these categories will align in a way we are taught to consider normal. We expect a man, for example, to have XY chromosomes, higher androgen levels and a standard processing of those androgens, testes and a prostate, a penis and a scrotum, higher levels of body and facial hair, and a broader taller, more muscular body. But, while more commons these more typical alignments are no more valid than other combinations. The body of a trans woman who has pursued hormone therapy and surgery might combine XY chromosomes, higher levels of estrogen and progesterone with concurrent lower levels of/lower sensitivity to androgens, no testes, a prostate, a vulva and vagina, little body hair, no facial hair, breasts and curves. When looking at all the different parts of her physical makeup, what counts as "biological sex"? All of these categories are sexed, and all are "biological." Why would any one category-chromosomes, for example-be given precedence over another? And why should it be a problem if some bodies combine a mix of traits?”

“Gender is who you are, and sexuality is who you want; sexual orientation is who you go to bed with and gender identity is who you go to bed as.”

“I wanted to live, but I didn't want the life I was living.”

“Sometimes, I couldn't imagine how things could be different, and sometimes I felt as though I didn't deserve to live. Instead of the possibility of a better life one day, my brother gave me a better life now. He was the noisy, insistent reminder that I was not without ties to the world around me, that I was more than just an unwilling passenger in a life I didn't choose. He made me laugh despite myself, joke despite myself, gave me a space to unload my anger, gave me a chance to be frivolous ando playful when everything else was gray and cold. He knew when to ask, and when to listen, and sensed when I couldn't talk but needed to be heard, silently.”

“Lili Elbe died in pursuit of a uterine transplant and the possibility of bearing children; 2014 saw the first live birth of a baby born to a mother with a transplanted womb. So far, these transplants have been limited to cis women, but I do not doubt that trials in trans women will follow, though we will have to fight to get there.”

[Reef · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic introduction to what it means to be transgender, and to many of the current issues and controversies surrounding the topic. The writing is generally friendly and easy to understand, although some people new to ideas relating to social justice may need to look up a few things. You definitely don't have to be an experienced academic to understand what Lester is saying.

This book really mentions almost everything, and can be used as a starting point to dive deeper into a range of different issues related to being trans. Nonbinary identities, cultural variations in genders and gender expression, and intersections with feminism are all discussed, and in a way that is sensitive and welcoming to everyone. Arguments against TERFs and transphobes are logically constructed and leave little room for disagreement (and I'll probably steal them for future use).

I normally don't read a lot of non-fiction because I lose focus and never return to a book again, but this book kept me interested (and angry, sad, and frustrated, be warned). I recommend it for anyone who is interested in learning more about trans issues, and also for any 'new' trans people looking to learn some history and gain some validation. 🏳️‍⚧️

note: my copy says "conversations for all of us," rather than "a journey for all of us" but they seem to be the same book

[Lizzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really interesting and well-written book, covering various aspects of the topic, including the author's own personal story (whom I had not heard of till I picked up the audiobook). I loved their warm open-hearted approach, while pulling no punches.

Some of the topics must have been difficult to write about and make sense of, and to write about sensitively and openly, and CN Lester did a great job in that respect. They backed up some of what they wrote about with a certain amount of research and stats, as well as touching on stories of different transgender people, and their own experience of course, plus sections about the media, history, medicine, feminism and so on. Some of it was unsurprisingly shocking and uncomfortable to read.

I can't deny that even though almost any question I could think of that someone might ask was covered in the book, I'm still somewhat confused about some stuff - perhaps more confused having finished this book than I was before! - but I mean in a good way, in the sense that it's opened my mind and left me wanting to learn more and think more, including about what my own gender means to me (I'm a cisgender woman), so I will certainly be picking up other books on the topic.

[Ekmef · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wat een fantastisch boek. Persoonlijk maar ook informatief. De flaptekst klinkt super droog maar dat is het boek zeker niet. Heerlijk om een boek vanuit nonbinair perspectief te lezen. Het was een eyeopener dat er binnen de westerse cultuur ook altijd al 'third gender' mensen waren. En het pleidooi om ons te blijven verdiepen in onze roots en ideeën van de mensen die ons voorgingen is heel terecht. Anders blijft het symptoombestrijding; lijstjes met dingen die je wel en niet 'mag' zonder aandacht voor de onderliggende machtsstructuren en ideeën'.

[Leonor Estrela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sinto que, em relação à comunidade e história trans, não estava muito informada - e nunca o procurei fazer. Até agora.
Sinto que este livro foi o empurrão que precisava para me informar ainda mais sobre esta comunidade e de como posso ser mais inclusiva no meu dia a dia.
Este livro foi das coisas mais bonitas que li nos últimos tempos. Super bem estruturado, com exemplos reais e factos históricos que justificam a escolha de palavras de CN. Vou definitivamente reler o livro no futuro e durante os próximos tempos!

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought the first half of this was really helpful for me to read, as it answered some questions I had and helped me see things from a trans POV. The second half was interesting but definitely went over my head at times. I think the author tried really hard to incorporate trans history, activism, feminism, politics, and all the things, which sometimes made the writing feel a little convoluted (to me--to someone more well-versed on these subjects, it may have felt very different). As the first book I read about transgender issues and gender vs sex etc, I thought it was accessible and helpful.

[chan · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 / 5 stars

content notes:

◦ explicit: transphobia, mental illness
◦ moderate: bullying, cancer, homophobia, pregnancy, misogyny, panic attacks/disorders, suicide
◦ minor: death, forced institutionalization, murder, police brutality, racism, rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment, vomit

[Cian Aherne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a vital world-changing book. For anyone with any questions or curiosities about what being trans means. Should be shared far and wide, really incredible stuff.

[Emily Loomis Cole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very thought-provoking book. It covers a *lot*, some I found super fascinating and some I didn't understand at all. Overall, I think it's a good read and it has inspired me to pursue more trans educational literature.

[Jo Coleman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This should be called "Why trans?", I think - and the author addresses one current prejudice after another (What about children? What about the toilets? What about feminism? Are people just trans because it's cool these days?) so thoughtfully, sensibly and passionately that the conclusion is "Why not?". I hope this is as useful for trans people as it is for clumsy fools like me.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Important read

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

This helped me understand so much and yet I still have so many more questions this unearthed! (In a good way.)