Notes from Your Therapist

by Allyson Dinneen

Daily inspiration in hand-written notes on emotions, emotional intelligence, and relationships, based on the Instagram account @notesfromyourtherapist.For anyone in need of a daily dose of affirmation and empathy, therapist and mental health counselor Allyson Dinneen shares this collection of artful and beautifully photographed hand-written insights, based on her popular Instagram. These bite-size words of wisdom cover everything from setting boundaries and navigating relationships to how to take good care of yourself. As she does in her practice, through these notes Dinneen seeks to cultivate emotional well-being, recognize the struggle of being human, and offer a nurturing, compassionate perspective.“Allyson has such a special way of reminding us of who we are by teaching us how to effectively communicate, draw boundaries, and live the life we are meant to live from a place of genuine care and love.” —Chrissy Metz, author of This is Loving the Person You Are Today “Allyson has a way with words, where what she says gets straight to the deepest truth. Reading her notes helps me feel closer to myself, and I am surely not alone in that feeling.” —Pooja Lakshmin, MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry, George Washington University School of Medicine

Genres: Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help, Personal Growth

179 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 12, 2021

About the author

Allyson Dinneen is a marriage and family therapist and mental health counselor who started the Notes from Your Therapist Instagram project.

Reviews

[Samantha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't mind this. I wouldn't say it was fantastic but I wouldn't say it was bad either. I did find some of the notes a bit repetitive but could see what the author was trying to convey. Sometimes these sorts of books hit me in the feels, and then there are some that don't at all... I feel this one sat somewhere in the middle for me. In the beginning, I didn't think I'd find any pages to mark or find any favourite pages or quotes, but as I kept reading there were a handful that did stand out to me and that I marked for future reference which was good. Overall, it was okay. Books like these are needed in the world. Also, the book itself is beautiful; such a pretty cover and design which is very appealing. Almost has a calming nature to it.

[My Bookish Delights · Rating 5 out of 5]

I follow this author on Instagram (@notesfromyourtherapist) and I have loved most of the posts I've seen. I save the photos under a collection folder called "Truth." When I saw she was putting out a book, I immediately pre-ordered one. I'm saying this because it may make me biased in my review. But aren't all reviews biased?

This is exactly what it claims to be: photos of small scraps of paper with notes that a therapist has written down. They are somewhat categorized and there are some pages with prose talking about different topics, but the majority of the book is photos. It's a quick and easy read and while I didn't relate to all the notes, there were truth bombs (for me) heavily scattered.

I won't be putting this through the CAWPILE rating system because it's not fiction and it's not a personal growth book in the traditional sense. I will be rating it on how it speaks to me. There were some notes that I just read and moved on. There were some notes that had me nodding my head. And there were some that made me want to put it on a giant poster board and run through a crowded street screaming "THIS PEOPLE!! THIS!!"

I would recommend this to anyone and if even one of the notes makes you feel seen, then it has done the job it's supposed to.

[Candice · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first discovered the author on her Instagram account and have loved some of the gems that popped up in my feed…so I bought two copies of the book — one for me, and one as a Christmas gift for a friend with whom I’d share Instagram posts that spoke to me.

In that sense, the format in a book works well for me, as something to pick up, thumb through on occasion, and find little truth bombs that catch my heart for whatever might be happening in my life right then, without having to be on my phone. They don’t always resonate, and reading this book in a linear fashion, start to finish, wouldn’t really work well. But I’m glad I have it as a mini “coffee table book” next to my couch, for those times I need a few words for the soul.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick book with tiny excerpts validating peoples emotions, but not like Instagram poetry as there are introductions to each section elaborating each topic. Allyson Dinneen focuses on relationships, childhood to adulthood, and grief. Near the end some excerpts did get a little bit repetitive, but that can be argued to emphasis the author’s point. It’s a simply helpful book that can be reread however times over when someone needs it.

[Audrey-Maude Lavoie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trouvé par hasard en solde dans un magasin grande surface, j'ai d'abord été interpellée par le format du livre : de forme carré, une couverture cartonnée et à l'intérieur, des notes manuscrites. Je ne connaissais pas la page instagram @notesfromyourtherapist, qui est à l'origine de ce livre. J'y ai découvert un recueil intéressant de développement personnel qui offre une perspective différente sur des thèmes comme l'acceptation de ses émotions, le bien-être, la connaissance de soi, les deuils, les relations humaines et les limites nécessaires. On y parlait aussi beaucoup de comment l'éducation faite par nos parents affectent notre gestion des émotions, des pensées et nos réactions. J'ai apprécié, mais j'ai trouvé que c'était parfois répétitif, on reprenait souvent exactement la même idée mais formulée un peu différemment plus loin dans le livre, ça faisait des longueurs.

[Randi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this. So validating and healthy. I loved it and will be returning to it often.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful!

[Tiffany Bostrom · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick and motivational read to help with your mental health! - B

[Tayler K · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was nice.

Not everything is going to resonate with you at a particular time, and that's okay. Some pages I sort of glossed over, some I nodded at, and some I felt deeply either with pain or the resonance of truth.

I think it would be a good thing to flip through from time to time, you never know what you'll find, but it wasn't bad reading it all at once like I did (trying to knock out my stack of library books by the end of the year). I had enough hours that I didn't feel very rushed, and nicely the book helped with that since it included messages of feeling your feelings and not rushing yourself!

I made notes to go back and pull quotes out later to save for myself. Might add some of them in my review and/or to the goodreads quote database.

For a year or two now there's been more and more things coming into my life about attachment theory (thanks, Chella! and @thesecurerelationship),
nervous system memory (@the.holistic.psychologist),
breathwork (Tiya's yoga classes, miss those),
mindfulness and noticing (Never be Lonely Again among other things),
and feeling your feelings instead of fixing or avoiding them (children's picture books, everywhere??).
This little book with its little note-message-pages touched on all of them!

I feel so productive having this read (because it's a book off my stack and because it was good info) and I'm looking forward to taking this chill nervous system into the rest of my day off where I get to go hang out with my boyfriend soon. 😊❤

Quotes

“Human beings are a species evolved for secure connection with others--that's just human biology & neuroscience.
But some of us wonder if we can feel secure without being abandoned
&
some of us wonder if we can feel secure without being overwhelmed.
Some of us a little of both.” - 15

"You don't have to 'get over' your feelings. Why shouldn't they take as along as they take?" - 16

"So often we're not allowed to feel upset--even for a minute--without the world rushing us to do something about it. But why can't I feel upset?" - 17

"Good emotion skills means understanding that these 2 things are not the same: - feeling -acting out." - 18

"When family, school & society put so much emphasis on being perfect, strong, happy & well-adjusted -- no surprise we conclude we have to be all those things to be loved. And grow up never knowing that to be vulnerable, messy, human is lovable." - 22

"You might not WANT to feel needy. But your nervous system is extremely evolved to drive you to seek safe emotional connection with others--and it has millions of years of a head start on your wish to be above that." - 23

"People we love have difficult feelings. That's not something to fix or run away from. But accepting that can take practice if you grew up learning that painful feelings were some kind of failure." - 34

"I think most people wish they could be more of who they are and still feel accepted. But it's understandably hard if, growing up, you were ignored or shamed for being yourself & rewarded when you conformed." - 47

"Some days I'm not okay and I'm not trying to fix that. No I don't need advice on how to not feel this way. I just need time to feel it." - 48

"I find it stressful to be around people who insist that everyone be happy all the time." - 49

"Growing up required to obey--and not trust what I wanted or how I felt--set me up to be an adult whose default is to do what others want me to do when I shouldn't. That really hasn't been good for me." - 50

"'What do you want?' can be a surprisingly confusing or painful question if no one ever asked you that and really cared about your answer." - 52

"Because humans have a deep and physiological need to belong, we start to shape ourselves around these outside requirements. We start to avoid feelings that make other people uncomfortable. We lose our childhood ability to tune in easily to how we feel, to process those feelings, and move on. When we shut down certain feelings, it's easy to lose our natural relationship with them. But having feelings is an essential part of being human. They are the essence of who you are as a person, and without them it's hard to know important things about yourself like:
who you are,
what kind of relationships you want,
what you want to do for work or purpose,
what gives your life meaning.
All of these things require having access to your feelings." - 63-64

"Feelings are just your body talking to you." - 69

"Feelings are physiological messages, aka interoception--very simply, messages from your brain tracking your body's physical and emotional state.
With this feedback on how I was doing, I got better at taking care of myself. And I felt less like I had to control things, because I didn't have to anticipate everything: I could just notice things as they happened." - 72

"Feelings are just your body talking to you about how you're doing in the moment. Even if you've gotten used to ignoring them, they're still talking to you. Tune in to your breathing, and then your body, and then your emotions. it's a little thing that pays off big." - 72

"The main problem was thinking I wasn't supposed to feel bad. (People feel bad. There's no need to fix that.)" - 84

"Person 1: I'm hurting.
Person 2: Just don't think about it.
Person 1's nervous system: {Not a chance.}" - 89

"I wish I hadn't been taught that it was my job to make people happy all the time instead of that people are allowed to feel not happy." - 94

"Human beings are a highly social species with a long evolution that makes us desire both autonomy and connection. We need to grow and express our individuality freely--and at the same time, feel like we have people to rely on to love us and have our backs." - 99

"One of the biggest relationship issues people have is with boundaries. Good boundaries are about letting ourselves and the people we love be separate from each other, with separate feelings, thoughts, and needs. Boundaries also refer to how we are treated by others: what's okay with us and what isn't." - 100

"The good news: We can start practicing new skills in life anytime we want. Here are some examples of things I'm always practicing:
1. How to say what I mean, as simply as possible, and not make people guess (even if I think they should).
2. How to reach out when I want to shut down.
3. How to just let myself feel sad, lonely, confused, a mess, when I would rather do this thing I always do and check out.
4. How to not be impatient or careless with the feelings of people I love.
5. How to listen and not try to solve someone else's problems.
6. How to take a break when I'm overwhelmed, and promise to return to the conversation a little later." - 101-102

"I sometimes get a little overwhelmed by change and need some time to emotionally catch up." - 106

"To get back to the person I am I had to reject so much of who I was told that I was." - 108

"I used to feel so invisible as a kid. Now it's me who has to stop acting in relationships like I am invisible still." - 109

"I often think we're really seeking one main thing: people whose eyes, when they see us, light up with delight." - 120

"So much of our pain comes from having never been allowed to grieve what we've lost." - 122

"When I tell someone who is hurting to think positive, feel better, be grateful, etc.
it's not them who can't handle feeling sad,
it's me." - 124

"No matter who you are, life is desperately hard sometimes. People we love die, and the longer we live, the more we find that's worth grieving. People we trust abandon us. Happy times come to an end. Circumstances change in ways that hurt us. Emotional needs go unmet. Trust gets broken. We are forced to let go of people, places, and things we loved dearly. There's even grief in letting go of who we thought we were." - 130

"Many of us have absorbed messages about being driven or productive at all times. Or we might have internalized a need to be perfect, selfless, or to focus on others. For example, I grew up, as so many people do, with the idea that slowing down to enjoy life, play, rest, daydream, be outside, or meet friends to talk and hang out were not productive enough. The very idea of not being productive at all times was so frowned upon, it was no wonder I had to sneak off to the woods or hide with a book in a closet to daydream or do nothing. I declined then, and I decline now, the invitation to think of myself in such an economical or mechanistic way.
That's not my measure of a human being.
We don't have to pick up what others have laid down as true for us, and it's okay to live your life in a way that others don't accept or understand." - 157

"I've got to let myself feel so I know what I need." - 162

"I try to minimize the amount of time I spend around people who would like me better if I weren't me." - 167

"You hate being needy but anyone who shamed you for needing support, safety, or love was just in conflict with their own neediness. People are built for emotional needs--it's what defines being human." - 171

"PERFECTIONISM: You have to do everything right to be loved.
LOVE: You don't have to do anything right to be loved." - 176

"Don't let anyone shame you for old feelings and fears that come up again. Old wounds will come up again since they're in the memory of your nervous system & the whole point of your nervous system is to keep you SAFE. So it's going to remember the painful & scary things that happened to you. Be kind to yourself about that." - 178

"- Saying you need more time
- Asking for help when you're overwhelmed by a "simple" task
- Taking a break to process strong feelings
- Asking not to be rushed...
These are just emotional self-care skills you might not have been taught--or allowed--growing up. But you can teach yourself now if you want." - 182

"You're not here to be perfect or to set a good example or to please anyone. You were born to love & enjoy your ordinary, peculiar, inconsistent, good-enough self." - 191

[Taralynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book I knew I needed when I saw it was being released. I am so glad I read it. Much of it resonated with me. I look forward to putting this on my coffee table so others may feel the pull to pick it up. We all need more space to be ourselves.

[Elif · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wish it was longer.

[Jorane Janssens · Rating 3 out of 5]

'I don’t know what wisdom is, but if I had to put it into words I would say that it’s not a destination, but rather a lived experience over time, at the intersections and edges, with an openness to the emotional experience of life. Letting yourself reflect. Navigating hardship and grief. Wanting to know yourself deeply. Allowing yourself to be touched by life and other people. Welcoming what happens next. Nurturing curiosity, a sense of humor, and hope. Finding friends and companions along the way.

Maybe, before the end, I will learn to prioritize the most meaningful things, to keep myself rooted through the tearing winds of all the hard things that have happened, and those that are bound for me still—and all the extraordinary things that are happening or will come to happen, too.

To me, living is folding in the love and the grief with my desire for both perseverance and peace, and feeling mostly like I’m in harmony with life—knowing that I belong to life, and life belongs to me.'

[Stephanie Fournet · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is so much wisdom in this little book. I probably wound up highlighting half of it. I really savor the Notesfromyourtherapist IG account, and I'm trying to internalize so much of what Dinneen is teaching about feelings. I think it's important for everyone to understand that our emotions are made of the same chemicals and for the same purpose as any other sensation. Hunger, pain, cold, fatigue, anger, fear, anxiety are all signals telling us how we are doing and what we need. They are no less valuable than our thoughts and judgements. In fact, they are probably more reliable. But as a culture, we short change their value to our detriment. My one criticism of this book is the ebook price. For such a short read, it's pretty steep. As an author myself, I say this from "inside the arena," as Brene Brown would say.

[✲ pau ☽ · Rating 3 out of 5]

short but sweet read with nuggets of wisdom on grief, people pleasing, boundaries, family, and relationships. i enjoyed the introductory bits before a different topic and the pages were definitely pretty.

touches on the importance of our upbringing and family ties, detailed in lines such as "everything i think, i learned somewhere." or "i’m not so sure that emotionally we ever leave home for good."

but also reminds us that it's okay to relearn things we never had a hold of—or learn them entirely anew— and taking the path you want to take and live on your own terms.

the thing about emotion and relationship skills is—they’re just SKILLS. if no one
showed us before, the great thing is we can learn them now! it’s just practice, that’s all. (trial + error is okay.)

[Oxalis · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a rather pleasant book of bite-sized therapeutic sayings, easy to digest for quick readers. I took some time to put this book down and contemplate its words. That's not necessary for all readers, but perhaps more for those coping with the same issues as the author. I was actually surprised by how many breaks I needed to take.

Many of the writing fragments deal with overcoming emotional miscommunication that one acquires from childhood; understanding that it's OK to just experience an emotion without judgment; and the like. Much of the content is repetitive but it really helps to drive the point home for readers who are new at this self-help topic.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've absolutely loved following this instagram account, and was so very pleased to see Allyson's intimate hand-written reassurances pulled together and published in a book. I'm only subtracting one star because the formatting on the e-book was a bit janky (it may have been an accessibility thing, but I saw no need to caption as her handwriting is very legible). Formatting aside, I love absorbing these as IG posts rather than altogether in one book... but this is all wonderful content that deserves reading and appreciation.

[Stephanie Davy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is perfect for dipping into when you need a dose of understanding or affirmation. It is mostly pictures, like the IG accounts, but the notes are split into sections and have an introductory piece for each. It is easy to read it in one sitting if you want to (I know I did). Quite a few of the quotes resonated deeply. This can help you have a healing cry if you need one but can't release it. Thank you @bluebirdbooksforlife for this beautiful book.

[Kasandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

A gentle set of bite-size reminders around boundaries, grieving, self-care, and other mental and emotional health needs that's a great book to flip through at random, pick up when you need a lift, or refer back to when life gets hard or scary. I found this in a little free library, but it would make a good gift for a friend or family member in therapy, or for yourself, if you keep a set of "inspirational"/self-care books on hand!

[Martie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just a delightfully well written book, full of healing insights that I will reflect back in time and time again. I especially appreciated the section on grief. For me, many of these “notes” will be excellent reflections for meditation and journaling. I have followed the author on social media for over a year, and was so glad she put her wise words into print format.
I highly recommend it.

[Emily J · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finished this in just a few hours! I’ve been following this author on Instagram for a few months now, and I was stoked to find out that she released a book! This book gave me some insight into my own life and taught me about grief, boundaries, and feelings. I’m so happy that I took the time to read this. I feel like I did a favor for myself!

[Noelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very quick easy read - advice I give frequently to clients. It was nice read - something everyone can relate to.

Allyson lost her mom at a young age, and started writing notes later to help herself with her grief. She came from a family that didn't talk about feelings and she had a lot of feeling she didn't know what to do with.

[Rob Pucci · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of my new favorite books. It has so many gems of wisdom in it. 70% applied to my life and had me nodding my head, recognizing parts of my life experience in the book. A great read for anyone going through life changes, or anyone who wants to make a change in the way they live. It is not all self-helpy, but succinct, easy to use affirmations and nuggets of wisdom.

[Cyndie Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

And now I have someone new to follow on instagram. Great back of napkin insights from someone who knows from both personal and professional experience the things messing a lot of us up. Reading these can feel very releasing. Though some are repetitive - frankly - they're about things we need to hear more than once in different ways.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like self help books because I am a therapist. I like self help books because I always want to better myself. I liked this book because it is a short, easy read. (As in, if I recommend a book with pictures to someone who doesn't like to read, they are more likely to at least think about reading it.) I liked it because it contained a few deep thoughts that spoke to my soul.

[camille · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was a quick and easy read, i really liked it bc it had different sections introducing what the common theme was in the notes that followed. it really hit home for me too as i've never let myself grieve the people i've lost, but this book validates all difficult emotions and says that it's okay to feel a certain way.

[Timothy Hoiland · Rating 4 out of 5]

When Allyson Dinneen was a young child, her mother died in a plane crash. “No one ever mentioned her again. We were supposed to silently close the door like nothing had happened. Forget all about pain or loss or tragedy, including people you loved,” she writes. “You definitely didn’t talk about feelings.”

Years later—having learned, little by little, how to talk about feelings—she became a therapist. And then her husband died suddenly as well, leaving her to raise their daughter on her own. In her grief, she remembered the little girl she had been when her mother died, and was determined not to be silent this time. Not with her daughter, and not with the world.

What started with a single Instagram post eventually grew into the phenomenon that is Notes from Your Therapist, a page with nearly 400,000 followers. Now, Dinneen has published a beautifully designed book by the same name (from Houghton Mifflin Harcourt).

The book reproduces many of the handwritten notes on scraps of paper that have been popping up in Instagram feeds over the past few years. Interspersed are short essays that explore grief, relationships, and feelings—all from the perspective of a therapist who has been there and knows how hard it can be to navigate life’s pain.

While making my way through this book, I was reminded of what the late great Frederick Buechner had to say about the stewardship of pain. Like Buechner, Dinneen has done the long, hard work of paying attention to her grief. Rather than numbing out or getting bitter, she has been courageous enough to learn into the pain—inhabiting it, letting it do its work on her. She didn’t silence it. She didn’t keep it to herself. She gave it words. And that has been a tremendously generous act. This book is the proof.

[diagnosed bookaholic · Rating 3 out of 5]

Notes From Your Therapist is a collection of hand written notes. There are a few little chapters as well, but it is a very quick read. The authors goal was to cultivate emotional well being, recognize the struggle of being human, and offer a nurturing, compassionate perspective. It wasn’t a bad read, but there was room for improvement. Some of it felt repetitive, and I didn’t save any quotes or pages. Nothing really stood out to me.

Genre: Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Self Help

[Kohi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. It’s like having a friend who understands. Having feeling grief now that I lost someone who was special. Some notes here made me remember bad stuff, and looking back, it was tiring.

*sigh*

How I wish our local bookstore will sell a physical copy of this because I want to gift it to myself haha.

[kathe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Allyson's posts on Instagram. I'm so glad I got a copy of this book (note collection?). I've marked several as "read over and over until it gets through".
It's so much easier to be kind to others. I like the nudge to allow some space to practice self-care.

[baye scarborough · Rating 4 out of 5]

Something that just needs to be read slowly to take it all in. Ponder on hard statements. Believing you have permission to grieve.
Not a “book” but a good thoughts I can hear my therapist telling me, and often ones that are said over and over again. Needed these reminders going into the New Year.