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Getting the work/life balance correct is tricky when you're employed by Death.
Dave Marwood is starting to realise that relationships are a lot easier when they don't involve the undead and when he goes undercover at his old employer, he discovers the night shift is simply murder.
Caught between the demands of the afterlife and spending time with his new girlfriend, he tries to find the answers to some difficult questions.
Where are the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
What terrible secret lies at the heart of UberSystems International?
Is cake the solution to world peace?
Paper Cuts is the second part in a series of best-selling funny urban fantasy novellas that tells the story of Death and his friends protecting humanity from ghosts, zombies, vampires and medium-sized apocalypses.
After a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.
Getting the work/life balance correct is tricky when you're employed by Death.
Dave Marwood is starting to realise that relationships are a lot easier when they don't involve the undead and when he goes undercover at his old employer, he discovers the night shift is simply murder.
Caught between the demands of the afterlife and spending time with his new girlfriend, he tries to find the answers to some difficult questions.
Where are the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
What terrible secret lies at the heart of UberSystems International?
Is cake the solution to world peace?
Paper Cuts is the second part in a series of best-selling funny urban fantasy novellas that tells the story of Death and his friends protecting humanity from ghosts, zombies, vampires and medium-sized apocalypses.
After a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.
141 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 12, 2015
162 people are currently reading
179 people want to read
About the author
Dave Turner
7 books154 followersDave Turner is an award winning writer whose work has featured on the websites of BBC News, The Guardian, The Daily Telegraph, The Times, The Huffington Post and FHM.
In 2011 he won the Best Screenplay Award at London Screenwriters' Festival with his short film script 'Everything You Need'. After selling various screenplays which you will note you have not seen as films at your local multiplex, he created Aim For The Head books to publish his work. He has written two novellas, How To Be Dead and Paper Cuts, which are available from Amazon now.
In 2011 he won the Best Screenplay Award at London Screenwriters' Festival with his short film script 'Everything You Need'. After selling various screenplays which you will note you have not seen as films at your local multiplex, he created Aim For The Head books to publish his work. He has written two novellas, How To Be Dead and Paper Cuts, which are available from Amazon now.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
February 5, 2019
I found this book a bit boring and just a tad too silly. I loved the first book in the series, but felt that this one lacked much of the humour that the first book had. I also found Dave's chapters in this just too different from the first book, almost like the author was trying too hard to include various supernatural elements. This book left me feeling that the author hadn't fully planned a sequel to the first book, and had to focus too much on a storyline when he began writing this one, hence the lack of wit and humour that I expected.
With that said however, I have downloaded the third book and am eager to start into it! I'm hoping that it is more like the first in the series.
With that said however, I have downloaded the third book and am eager to start into it! I'm hoping that it is more like the first in the series.
December 24, 2017
Cliched. Didn't grab me. Gave up 25% way in.
August 10, 2019
It is easy to waffle on about a sequel and how you found one better than the other, so I won't.... I liked it....Hence the fact I've started the third installment.
January 14, 2024
I'm going to find an alehouse. If this is the apocalypse, I'll be damned if I'm doing it sober.
As you've seen by now in my review of the first chapterlette of this omnibus (trust me on this), this series has me pulled in almost like a large mechanical pully-inny thing before I could say "anthropomorphisation", which is a word I kind of used in my initial recap. Thank the gods I didn't have to say it out loud. Anywho, "Paper Cuts" takes a slightly different slant throughout its turn by incorporating some absolutely splendid flashbacks, most often involving the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and their run-ins with Beezelbub… um, Bubblebutt … um, the guy that dresses like a tit. And yes, he does live up to his name, whatever it might be. And the dressing style, too!
The sun shone down from a piercing blue spring sky... It was Monday morning and the universe was basically taking the piss.
Oh and remember our references to the Discworld and "The Laundry Files" from our last summation? Well, yeah, you've got some serious comparatives here to work with as well. Look, if you want the short version, then yes, I wholeheartedly think that the William Morris Agency and Universal Studios could do a lot more with this outstanding story than any of the cheaply (I assume) hired monkeys (infinite) and their typewriters (see previous info for count of same). Seriously though, if you haven't tackled either "Carpe Jugulum" or "The Rhesus Chart", respectively (or disrespectively, your call), then you may be missing out on some of the same nerd-filled glory I felt throughout my reading sessions. Heck, I'll even allow you to toss in my favourite of all, namely "Guards! Guards!" if it makes you feel more comfortable what with all the chanting and suicidal wankers that keep showing up.
One man's madness is another's philosophy.
Now if, quote, "thick ropes of putrid black blood and stinking flesh splattered against the walls" - not to mention a Scottish wedding - is not to your liking, then you may have some issues this time. I mean, yes, we had some of same the first time, but that was mostly just Dave's blood and splattery bits which we know eventually were put back in the right places. No, Turner shows some real moxie in this chapter and amps up the "miserable working conditions" trope to become the "miserable midnight shi(f)t working conditions". As you can imagine then, this includes unspeakable horrors, team leaders, and people getting ordained on-line. Hey, don't laugh until you see what they can do with the water cooler!
Started not with a Big Bang, but with a Big Sigh of Resignation 13.7 billion years ago, the universe is in need of some modernisation.
Needless to say, with a little more elbow room to work with, Turner does get into "it" a bit deeper in this stretch. Love won, love lost, and all kinds of supernatural shenanigans are afoot. Again, it makes for outstanding reading, including of course both the urban fantastical bits and swell battle scenes as well as the gods honest Grade-A humour that's included. I wish I could say that it brought me hours and hours of pleasure and joy, but honestly, I didn't put the damn thing down (no worries: I just got a Kindle so it wasn't too heavy) until I finished!
If you love someone set them free. There's a possibility that they won't press charges.
Which of course meant that I was in prime position (read: the end of Book 2 and thus the beginning of Book 3 - oh the joys of having the omnibus!) to keep on keeping on as "they" say. Though I think they may be so old now as to not remember same as I believe that's a saying from the 1960s. Who am I to say though, it's not like I'm a master in Feng Shui. Though if need be, I will use a well-placed vase of flowers to its deadliest extreme!
As you've seen by now in my review of the first chapterlette of this omnibus (trust me on this), this series has me pulled in almost like a large mechanical pully-inny thing before I could say "anthropomorphisation", which is a word I kind of used in my initial recap. Thank the gods I didn't have to say it out loud. Anywho, "Paper Cuts" takes a slightly different slant throughout its turn by incorporating some absolutely splendid flashbacks, most often involving the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and their run-ins with Beezelbub… um, Bubblebutt … um, the guy that dresses like a tit. And yes, he does live up to his name, whatever it might be. And the dressing style, too!
The sun shone down from a piercing blue spring sky... It was Monday morning and the universe was basically taking the piss.
Oh and remember our references to the Discworld and "The Laundry Files" from our last summation? Well, yeah, you've got some serious comparatives here to work with as well. Look, if you want the short version, then yes, I wholeheartedly think that the William Morris Agency and Universal Studios could do a lot more with this outstanding story than any of the cheaply (I assume) hired monkeys (infinite) and their typewriters (see previous info for count of same). Seriously though, if you haven't tackled either "Carpe Jugulum" or "The Rhesus Chart", respectively (or disrespectively, your call), then you may be missing out on some of the same nerd-filled glory I felt throughout my reading sessions. Heck, I'll even allow you to toss in my favourite of all, namely "Guards! Guards!" if it makes you feel more comfortable what with all the chanting and suicidal wankers that keep showing up.
One man's madness is another's philosophy.
Now if, quote, "thick ropes of putrid black blood and stinking flesh splattered against the walls" - not to mention a Scottish wedding - is not to your liking, then you may have some issues this time. I mean, yes, we had some of same the first time, but that was mostly just Dave's blood and splattery bits which we know eventually were put back in the right places. No, Turner shows some real moxie in this chapter and amps up the "miserable working conditions" trope to become the "miserable midnight shi(f)t working conditions". As you can imagine then, this includes unspeakable horrors, team leaders, and people getting ordained on-line. Hey, don't laugh until you see what they can do with the water cooler!
Started not with a Big Bang, but with a Big Sigh of Resignation 13.7 billion years ago, the universe is in need of some modernisation.
Needless to say, with a little more elbow room to work with, Turner does get into "it" a bit deeper in this stretch. Love won, love lost, and all kinds of supernatural shenanigans are afoot. Again, it makes for outstanding reading, including of course both the urban fantastical bits and swell battle scenes as well as the gods honest Grade-A humour that's included. I wish I could say that it brought me hours and hours of pleasure and joy, but honestly, I didn't put the damn thing down (no worries: I just got a Kindle so it wasn't too heavy) until I finished!
If you love someone set them free. There's a possibility that they won't press charges.
Which of course meant that I was in prime position (read: the end of Book 2 and thus the beginning of Book 3 - oh the joys of having the omnibus!) to keep on keeping on as "they" say. Though I think they may be so old now as to not remember same as I believe that's a saying from the 1960s. Who am I to say though, it's not like I'm a master in Feng Shui. Though if need be, I will use a well-placed vase of flowers to its deadliest extreme!
April 5, 2025
I can accept the premise of a book no matter how absurd it is as, ultimately, I've chosen to read it. So in this instance I can accept that death exists and wants a mate and acts like a 30 year twatty bloke who thinks "cool" people act this way. If that wasn't obvious enough, I loathe the characterisation of death in this.
So, I'm in on the absurdity. What I can't get away with though is inconsistent narrative and writing which, IMO, is just down to lazy research/writing. They are in a pub in the 1600s which is described as a shit hole but has glass pint glasses, something which wouldn't be common until the 1940/50s. But then a page later they are called pots. A few pages before that the four horsemen are incorporeal, but then they need to bustle through a crowd of people and people are talking to them/watching them.
The above was that most erroneous but it happens throughout the book and I really just think it's lazy writing.
The snark is there. If you want a good snarky character, with better characterisation in an urban fantasy setting there are so, so many. Most the snarky humour falls flat and often times takes away from meaningful moments of the story. An example, trying to save Melanie's life and then randomly says "no biting" the author mostly feels like he's slightly offbeat and not in a good way.
Finally, randomly, the book turns into a vampire slasher book halfway through... It's just so out of nowhere, and not in a "oooh that's a good twist" manner, it just feels random and out of place.
I'm out on this series, I do think there's the kernel of an idea there but honestly the author isn't good enough to pull it off. There are better books if you like the idea of Death as a character (Discworld) and there are a huge amount of urban fantasy/snarky bloke series which are also better (Dresden Files and Laundry Files to name just two.)
The final nail in the coffin is the price creeping up. I may even have kept going out of morbid curiosity/hope the author imoroves if it was 99p but not paying £3.
Nice idea, poor execution.
Ps. Why 2 stars and not 1 when I've just bodyslammed it? It is still an easy ride and flows pretty well I suppose.
.
So, I'm in on the absurdity. What I can't get away with though is inconsistent narrative and writing which, IMO, is just down to lazy research/writing. They are in a pub in the 1600s which is described as a shit hole but has glass pint glasses, something which wouldn't be common until the 1940/50s. But then a page later they are called pots. A few pages before that the four horsemen are incorporeal, but then they need to bustle through a crowd of people and people are talking to them/watching them.
The above was that most erroneous but it happens throughout the book and I really just think it's lazy writing.
The snark is there. If you want a good snarky character, with better characterisation in an urban fantasy setting there are so, so many. Most the snarky humour falls flat and often times takes away from meaningful moments of the story. An example, trying to save Melanie's life and then randomly says "no biting" the author mostly feels like he's slightly offbeat and not in a good way.
Finally, randomly, the book turns into a vampire slasher book halfway through... It's just so out of nowhere, and not in a "oooh that's a good twist" manner, it just feels random and out of place.
I'm out on this series, I do think there's the kernel of an idea there but honestly the author isn't good enough to pull it off. There are better books if you like the idea of Death as a character (Discworld) and there are a huge amount of urban fantasy/snarky bloke series which are also better (Dresden Files and Laundry Files to name just two.)
The final nail in the coffin is the price creeping up. I may even have kept going out of morbid curiosity/hope the author imoroves if it was 99p but not paying £3.
Nice idea, poor execution.
Ps. Why 2 stars and not 1 when I've just bodyslammed it? It is still an easy ride and flows pretty well I suppose.
.
September 29, 2018
Better than the Last!!!
The first book was absolutely hilarious, witty and a fun and a unusual idea that I was just amused with everything that I was reading.
But when I started reading the second book? I think half way through it began to get really interesting.
We learn more about the horsemen, death's past, new supernatural creatures and threats and it has many OMG moments (and for some reason it reminds me of Shaun of the dead... probably because of the British humor + supernatural beings) so yeah...a great book 5/5 there was never a dull moment!!
The first book was absolutely hilarious, witty and a fun and a unusual idea that I was just amused with everything that I was reading.
But when I started reading the second book? I think half way through it began to get really interesting.
We learn more about the horsemen, death's past, new supernatural creatures and threats and it has many OMG moments (and for some reason it reminds me of Shaun of the dead... probably because of the British humor + supernatural beings) so yeah...a great book 5/5 there was never a dull moment!!
November 19, 2023
Possibly others will like this but I was not fussed. These books are labelled funny but the humour is just repeating what seemed funny in book 1 but is now something you shrug your shoulders at.
Also, I know it is maybe just me, but I do not like stories where they go on about 'if we get out of this alive' when you know they will still be there in book 5. I read book 3 as I got the omnibus edition with books 1-3, I may read book 4 at some point, as this does not feature Dave and Melanie, but I will skip number 5.
Also, I know it is maybe just me, but I do not like stories where they go on about 'if we get out of this alive' when you know they will still be there in book 5. I read book 3 as I got the omnibus edition with books 1-3, I may read book 4 at some point, as this does not feature Dave and Melanie, but I will skip number 5.
November 16, 2016
Excellent book, second in the series after the first book "How to be dead". this book works so well on many levels, we have vampires, the 4 Horsemen Of the Apocalypse and it is action packed poor Dave has a lot to contend with in this book as well as trying to win back the love of his life which is failing miserably, humor is still involved in this book.
A good book to buy very entertaining, gives you laughter along the way, with plenty of action and suspense.
A good book to buy very entertaining, gives you laughter along the way, with plenty of action and suspense.
January 21, 2024
Fun and funny book, just like its predecessor.
Not so much to do for Death, although there's a little backstory with the Four Horsemen that *SPOILER*nah, not gonna say it, read the book*SPOILER*
Laughed out loud, more than on HTBD. Humor here is stupid-smart. You can feel the arc of the story sarting to mature, although, it took a little strange turn close to the end, that I'm not sure I liked that much. We'll see...
Not so much to do for Death, although there's a little backstory with the Four Horsemen that *SPOILER*nah, not gonna say it, read the book*SPOILER*
Laughed out loud, more than on HTBD. Humor here is stupid-smart. You can feel the arc of the story sarting to mature, although, it took a little strange turn close to the end, that I'm not sure I liked that much. We'll see...
August 17, 2018
You can't change the world with grand gestures. You have to do it in tiny increments.
I think the definition of a grown up is someone who orders a hot drink with their McDonald's meal.
Death liked the English. He enjoyed the real ale, biscuits and cricket. Any nation that could invent a game that went on for five days and invariably ended in a draw truly grasped the futility of existence.
Aliens are real. They show up every few years in their mothership, look down on humanity, go "Nah, they're still dicks" and bugger off again.
The tragedy of life is that everything dies. The blessing of it is that nobody knows when. He wished the world would grasp that fact.
Death didn't understand why humanity didn't spend more time and energy on space travel. It wouldn't be exploration. It would be going home.
I think the definition of a grown up is someone who orders a hot drink with their McDonald's meal.
Death liked the English. He enjoyed the real ale, biscuits and cricket. Any nation that could invent a game that went on for five days and invariably ended in a draw truly grasped the futility of existence.
Aliens are real. They show up every few years in their mothership, look down on humanity, go "Nah, they're still dicks" and bugger off again.
The tragedy of life is that everything dies. The blessing of it is that nobody knows when. He wished the world would grasp that fact.
Death didn't understand why humanity didn't spend more time and energy on space travel. It wouldn't be exploration. It would be going home.
May 3, 2019
Smiles and chuckles combined with a healthy dose of action. If you liked the first book, you'll love the second book. It offers the same humor, but with a solid build-up of the story story and a solid dose of action to round it out. Poor Dave realizes just how high the stakes are after he crosses his new boss, and it might just leave him all wet!
April 11, 2021
Thrilling story! It definitely answered most of the questions lingering after reading the first part, but it created new doubts and more interesting to keep me immersed in the story.
As the previous book, this one also has a witty humour that I love and it's light, even though it can get darker at some points. Great reading!
As the previous book, this one also has a witty humour that I love and it's light, even though it can get darker at some points. Great reading!
January 15, 2023
How to Be Dead 2: Electric Boogaloo
The “How to Be Dead” series of books by Dave Turner are easy, entertaining reads. The Horseman chapters were enjoyable and silly. The Dave chapters were enjoyable and silly.
I am not looking to read Anna Karenina when I pick up a horror comedy. I am looking for something goofy, light and intriguing. Dave Turner delivers on this!
The “How to Be Dead” series of books by Dave Turner are easy, entertaining reads. The Horseman chapters were enjoyable and silly. The Dave chapters were enjoyable and silly.
I am not looking to read Anna Karenina when I pick up a horror comedy. I am looking for something goofy, light and intriguing. Dave Turner delivers on this!
August 23, 2023
Didn’t actually finish this book. Got to chapter 18 and then had to stop reading
Didn’t like this as much as the first book. Story line seemed really out of context (vampires and zombies) and just didn’t have the same capturing effect as the first book which was quite a page turner and hilarious.
Didn’t like this as much as the first book. Story line seemed really out of context (vampires and zombies) and just didn’t have the same capturing effect as the first book which was quite a page turner and hilarious.
June 21, 2024
Part 2 sees Dave working for Death, interfering with his blossoming relationship with Melanie. Then Dave finds out the place he used to work has an unusual reason for the high turnover of staff .... And we find out what happened to the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Funny and easy reading. Looking forward to reading more.
March 28, 2018
Awesome
Funny, imaginative and great plot. Love the writing style and the humour. Great read. Death is hilarious and if only it were true that he comes to pick you up at the end, popping your clogs would be a bit of an adventure!
Funny, imaginative and great plot. Love the writing style and the humour. Great read. Death is hilarious and if only it were true that he comes to pick you up at the end, popping your clogs would be a bit of an adventure!
September 3, 2018
I devoured this book in a day. Loved it.
Entertaining, humorous, the only thing I don't really for us the "love story" if that's what you want to call it. But that's pretty much my only complaint. I'm excited to read the next book.
Entertaining, humorous, the only thing I don't really for us the "love story" if that's what you want to call it. But that's pretty much my only complaint. I'm excited to read the next book.
February 6, 2019
Laughed and cried at this
I love the witty humour in this series of books. Some of the one liners are very funny, but I had a cry at this one as well. Read it and see, as it's highly entertaining.
I love the witty humour in this series of books. Some of the one liners are very funny, but I had a cry at this one as well. Read it and see, as it's highly entertaining.
September 10, 2020
Page Turner
No spoilers...
Bloody hell! Again!
Read this one in two sittings. Not because I wanted too either. I would have read it in one, but I’m mortal and therefore require sleep.
Very inconvenient.
Book three, here I cometh...
No spoilers...
Bloody hell! Again!
Read this one in two sittings. Not because I wanted too either. I would have read it in one, but I’m mortal and therefore require sleep.
Very inconvenient.
Book three, here I cometh...
February 4, 2021
"You put your faith in absolutes. Good or evil. Heaven or hell. Blur or Oasis." – Death
A funny novella about Death and his coworkers, peppered with poltergeists, vampires and small apocalypses.
March 31, 2021
Loved this second installment to the How to be Dead series. Another fast paced book, which develops the story of Dave Turner and his pal Death. Lots of short chapters that keep you reading throughout with an insightful side story of Death's history. Straight onto installment 3!
February 19, 2022
It grows on you. Way better than How To Be Dead in my opinion.
January 23, 2023
Loved it!!
I liked this book way better than the first. I loved the backstory of The Four Horsemen and how it was brought into the present story. Also Dave's fight with his co workers is epic..that's all I will say about that..no spoilers.
I liked this book way better than the first. I loved the backstory of The Four Horsemen and how it was brought into the present story. Also Dave's fight with his co workers is epic..that's all I will say about that..no spoilers.
May 8, 2023
Dave Marwood, now in his new role as Death's helper is having relationship issues, as his work takes over. Sent undercover, he finds a team of vampires working at his old office and has to deal with them and save Melanie. The second storyline delves into Death's history with the Four Horseman.
July 18, 2023
well it still has a lot of humour but it is a lot darker,
read in two sittings, well written with a past & present storyline.
dave has problems with Gloria, as his “ job” gets in the way of being able to be in places at the correct time, and worse he has to rejoin his old company…
read in two sittings, well written with a past & present storyline.
dave has problems with Gloria, as his “ job” gets in the way of being able to be in places at the correct time, and worse he has to rejoin his old company…
December 28, 2024
Continuing the the series of How to be dead. This second book delves a little more into Deaths past, and also sees Dave fighting a different kind of monster in his new life. A fun little book which is easy to read and witty at times.
August 15, 2025
I liked it! So far it’s a fun series, though I’m only on the second book. The author’s work reminds me of a mix of Christoper Moore and Terry Pratchett, though a lighter in touch. I look forward to the next one!
March 11, 2018
Another entertaining book in the "How to be Dead" series. Lots of humor and action.
August 23, 2018
Death and vampires? Why Mr Turner you're truly spoiling us!
February 21, 2019
Bloody hell that was a plot twist I didn't see coming!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews