Những vấn đề của tuổi trung học

by Phyllis L. Fagell, Bích Lộc (Translator)

Bạn lo lắng về giai đoạn chuyển tiếp từ độ tuổi thiếu nhi lên độ tuổi thiếu niên của con mình?

Băn khoăn không biết phải định hướng trong thế giới mới này cùng với con như thế nào?

Phyllis L. Fagell, một cố vấn chuyên nghiệp kiêm cây bút nổi tiếng của chuyên mục nuôi dạy con, sẽ trả lời cho bạn những câu hỏi này và nhiều hơn thế nữa bởi cô sẽ hướng dẫn bạn cùng con bạn vượt qua giai đoạn thay đổi nhanh chóng vô cùng quan trọng này.

Đây là cuốn cẩm nang thiết yếu giải đáp những câu hỏi và vấn đề phổ biến nhất của lứa tuổi trung học cơ sở, cung cấp cho bạn đọc những công cụ cần thiết để hỗ trợ con phát triển trong những năm tháng này.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Education, Self Help, Teaching, Childrens, Audiobook

400 pages, Paperback

Published January 11, 2021

Reviews

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book written for those of us who became moms at the end of the helicopter parenting trends and are worried about our middle schoolers, Fagell has found a niche audience who loves books that tell us what to do. A lot of the advice revolves around reminding his readers to step back and let the kids problem solve. To reexamine how we speak and interact with our kids to make sure we're modeling kindness, trustworthiness, consistency, wirk ethic, empathy, etc. in our homes. To not forget to really listen. There is nothing groundbreaking in this book, but it is a good handholder for nervous parents. 3 stars.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Did you know that every middle schooler today was born after September 11, 2001?

Their world is completely different than the one in which we grew up. While much has remained the same ("Oh no! There's the boy I like." or "I'm not going to try out, because I know I won't make the team."), so much is different ("Should I vape with my friends?" or "She posted that picture on Snapchat just to make me jealous!").

I don't yet have a middle schooler of my own; however, I have spent the last 15 years teaching middle school. It certainly has its ups and downs, but I firmly believe in the importance of the middle school years in a child's development. Students in Grades 6 to 8 need adults in their corner as they test boundaries, emerge from childhood, and discover who they are going to be in the next chapters of their lives.

However, if there's one thing that's predictable about middle school, it's that it's unpredictable! Phyllis L. Fagell is a licensed clinical professional counselor who works actively in schools and in private practice with parents and their children. She wrote Middle School Matters to provide as a guide for parents (and educators) about key skills we can help foster in our middle schoolers.

I found myself nodding along in the scenarios she described, as I have seen many of them in our day to day life at school. Fagell tackles shifting friendships, bullying, sexual health, anxiety, academics, and more. What I love most about this book is that throughout each chapter, she provides possible conversation starters you can use to speak to your children or students.

Since I teach middle school, my students all head off to high school after they're finished with me, and then many of them plan to attend college or university. It's easy for me to get locked into the mindset of preparing them for high school; however, I loved being reminded that the purpose of school isn't to get into another school. Our purpose as teachers is to prepare them for their career and for their relationships with others as they grow. This resonated quite a bit with me.

I wonder about the middle schoolers who don't have a supportive home life. How might we help them see their value in this world? How might we guide them during difficult moments in their lives? How might we build our relationships with these students in a meaningful way to be their safe space?

Middle School Matters is a must-read for parents with children middle school. I quite enjoyed it, and I suspect parents of middle school students will glean important insights and tips for all of the ups and downs that come along with this transitional period in their children's lives.

[Mrs C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lists the top 10 skills that middle schoolers need to equip themselves to tackle teen years and beyond! Each chapter tackles a topic with the corresponding skills that address it. It includes a portion for Educators to zero in how to help while at school. Each chapter ends with a summary to drive the points home. Establishing empathy and social skills, receiving parental and teacher support, modeling behavior etc. the action steps in this book are so clear and invaluable, this is a must-have parenting book! I love this book!

Access to review copy provided by the publisher

[Hope]

Meh.

[Whitney · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read about half. It was enough to get the structure of her message: here are specific things kids in middle school may/will deal with, here's how to listen, here's how to validate your kid while nudging them toward solving their own problems.

Basically, the same type of parenting you should do at any age, but with details on the kinds of problems Kids These Days will be facing in middle school.

Aaaaand that's why I had to stop halfway. She's a counselor, so she's seen all the things, and the conglomerate image of a modern middle school I have now developed...it sounds like a nightmare. It's horrible and depressing and honestly, no single kid is going to deal with every one of these problems. So I'm going to take the structure of her advice, pay attention to what my own kids go through, and try not to dwell on how the world has utterly messed up an already difficult time of human development.

[Michele · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I truly enjoyed this book and believe the author deeply understands middle schoolers and the skills needed to help them navigate life, however, my middle schooler spends 70% of most days away from me. I work full time and he is either at school or involved in extracurricular activities. During the 30% of his time at home we often spend a fair amount of that time prepping and eating meals or doing the endless pick-up, clean-up and organizing that needs to be done everyday. There are wonderfully enlightening moments that happen around the dinner table or in the midst of the bedtime routine, but I am often overwhelmed by the plethora of parenting suggestions in books like these. Sill, might have to revisit this one again throughout the middle school years.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Parenting my second middle schooler now. I do enjoy reading books like this for reassurance and tips and I found some of each in this book, but nothing life changing.

If you are new to navigating discussions with your kids or looking to add more substantial topics to your talks, I think this is a great resource.

[Kristina Howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of excellent practica advice, and it's been helpful thinking about the changing needs of my soon to be middle schooler.

[Sera · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started this book early in my daughter's first year of MS. I read through the 10 key skills then and then after I finished the book to learn that she's made good progress so far this year in about 5 of these areas.

I really liked this book because it helps the reader-parent to understand the development of children in Middle School. It also had a chapter on love that was new to me, since I haven't seen emphasis on this topic previously. We talk to our kids about sex, but many of us don't have conversations about love, including how to determine what characteristics make a good partner for someone. Interestingly, I learned that the characteristics of what makes a good friend to be helpful here, which makes sense, but something that I had not considered previously.

I highly recommend this book to parents of Middle Schoolers.

[Merrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this in two chunks a few years apart, with a middle schooler who seems very different now vs when I started. I really like and needed the reminder that middle school doesn't need to be horrible, and all the great aspects of this developmental stage. Will probably re-read when my younger one is approaching this age since they are so different -- and I worry that the resources for navigating drama and social pressure will be needed more (or maybe I will understand better since she communicates what she is feeling more easily than my son).

[Amber · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing read. As a teacher and mom to two middle school boys this book was perfect.
Loved the set up- broke it down gave great introductions to concepts with real life situations, backed by research, and each chapter ended with 'tips for parents' and 'conversation starters' to have discussions with your kids about topics that are so important. Cannot say enough good things about this book.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

An overall great book on parenting that covers a range of modern-day topics and provides additional credible resources.

[Marie]

DNF. Doesn’t cover pandemics and high school starts in less than a year so I’m good 🤷🏼‍♀️🤪

[Joshua Rodriguez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phyllis does an amazing job of outlining the challenges and opportunities that middle school students face in the modern era. Whether it's dealing with friendships, insecurities or finding ways to express creativity, there are strategies for how to address these topics in ways that will spark independence and assurance for young minds that are first encountering awkward and overwhelming challenges.

What I love most about the book are the real-life examples in each chapter detailing the stories of students, parents, and educators. They do an amazing job of bringing her advice to life and allow readers like myself to find relatability in the questions from students they may encounter or be asked. I found myself highlighting so many quotes and techniques Phyllis mentions as well as amazing resources to organizations and websites that expand on what she talks about.

If you're a teacher, a counselor or an educator like myself (I am a motivational speaker for teens focused on teaching the values of confidence, mindfulness, and compassion which are ALL covered within this book!) this is a must-read. Thank you so much Phyllis for your amazing work, I will definitely be sharing what I learned with all of my parent and educator friends as well as with the students I speak to online!

[Molly Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some parts were helpful, many parts I wanted to skip.

[Beth Daane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I found it helpful in how to address topics that middle school age kids face and I appreciated the style and format of the way the book was written. This is a great book for everyone who has the desire to understand the circumstances kids are facing today.

[Janelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every phase of parenting has unique joys and challenges. As the parent of a ten year old, I’m going to say that this phase we’re in right now–the tween phase–is the first time I am legitimately terrified of messing up my kid.

Some of it’s due to the era we live in. Twelve years into this grand experiment of putting the internet in our pockets and we don’t have norms yet for how and when to bring kids online. (Frankly, they’re already there, so it’s more like how do we do this in a healthy way.)

Some of it’s due to this being the very edge of having her completely under my wing. Now is the time to start the slow unspooling of control and letting her make her bad choices while we provide a soft place to land when she falls. Middle school children are starting to figure out who they are while simultaneously navigating shifting friendships and rapidly changing bodies. Parents have to find a way to set up boundaries and provide loving guidance.

Phyllis Fagell, a middle school counselor who has seen hundreds of children go through this transition, offers compassionate, sensible advice on how to navigate these murky waters. In Middle School Matters, she identifies ten key skills that she thinks are paramount for kids to master and offers concrete ways that parents can help their tweens grow.

The range of topics addressed is wide. She addresses academic pressures, social changes (making friends shifts from being proximity-based to interest-based), and emotional issues (puberty like whoa). She offers suggestions for how to cope with social media, and has separate chapters on issues that may be unique to boys and girls. She touches lightly on how and when to advocate for your child at school and elsewhere, all with a warm, encouraging voice. It was clear to me that Fagell enjoys working with this age group, and that she wants you to enjoy your tween as well.

I can’t recommend this book enough. I hadn’t even finished the third chapter before I told my husband that he was going to have to read this. He’s been pulling his hair out with our daughter over the last few months, and I think he’ll benefit from some of the tools presented here.

Before I go, I do want to evangelize about one tool that I learned of in the book that I put to use immediately: www.amaze.org. This site has a number of videos very broadly about sex education that are appropriate for children 6+. They address puberty, gender identity, intimate partner violence, and mood swings, among other topics, in short, kid-friendly animated videos.

A complimentary copy of this book was provided via NetGalley in order to facilitate this review.

[Mme Forte · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a teacher who works with middle school students, I found this a worthwhile read. Fagell offers 10 skills kids should develop -- middle school being a good time to make this happen -- and then ties them to chapters that deal with various challenges and issues arising during early adolescence. It's a book written mainly for parents, but it includes suggestions for educators in each chapter, and there's a discussion guide for teachers (and one for parents) at the end of the book.

There were plenty of bits that made me think, and a couple of "wow" moments that gave me greater insight into my students and their school experience.

As a guide for parents, there's a lot to process here, and even more to implement. If I were reading this as a parent of a middle schooler, I'd probably feel overwhelmed. In addition, I really felt that this is written for a certain audience, and it's mainly parents who have plentiful emotional and financial and personal wherewithal to spend on their kids. That is certainly not everybody.

At any rate, this was a bit of an eye opener for a teacher, and a means to reflect on my own parenting. My kids are beyond middle school now, and I found both YES! instances where I can see I did the right thing by them (although largely by happenstance) and YEESH places where I wish I'd done better.

Anyway, I got this from the library and found it useful enough that I'm probably going to buy my own copy for my professional bookshelf. I can see where I might want to refer to it in the future.

[Cari · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a kindle copy of this book from Net Galley in exchange for my honest feedback. I was interested in this book as my daughter is entering 6th grade next year. This is completely new territory for us! Overall, I liked it. There were some great pieces of advice that I am going to try and implement in our home as my daughter gets older. The author is obviously well versed in child psychology and with children in general. There were some pieces throughout that I felt were a little out of touch with today’s kids but having not tried these strategies myself, I can’t say? It also bothered me a bit that the book was written as if only a mother would be reading it. Granted, I am a mother so maybe it shouldn’t have bothered me. I could just see a father wanting to pick up a book like this and wondering why it is written in such a way that makes it seem as though only the mothers would care about these issues.

As I said though, it was a good book in general and I would recommend it to middle school parents.

[Olga Barnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been in elementary education for about 15 years, and felt pretty comfortable raising my son - until, that is, he got to the point of finishing 5th grade. With the imminent move to middle school looming right ahead, I felt a strong need to look into what resources I can find in order to prepare myself for parenting a middle schooler. I am lucky I got my hands on this book. It is quite detailed, has very clear description of different types of situations that can transpire within the course of those middle school years, and how one might go about helping a child process them. I like this book so much that I am going to start suggesting it to parents who ask for support for their 5th graders transitioning to 6th grade.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love all the research and wise advice Phyllis Fagell poured into this book. As the mom of a middle school boy (with another son on his heels) I'm grateful for this resource because it is kind, encouraging, and loaded with smart ideas. I'm keeping it on my desk because I know I'll be diving back in often. I especially appreciate the conversation starters at the end of each chapter (which offer ways to talk about sometimes tough topics with your kid), and the chapter about connecting with boys and helping them connect with other people. I like that Phyllis shares so many examples, including stories about her own kids. If you're raising or working with middle school kids, this book is very much worth your time

[Susie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding book that gives so many explanations behind the thought processes of middle schoolers. I had the pleasure to meet Phyllis Fagell at the national middle level conference. She tells great stories and has organized the book with helpful ideas for both parents and educators. Her Washington Post columns and tweets are also great follows.

While I did not agree with everything in the book, it's one of the best I've encountered for adolescents. Some of the descriptions in the book did not really match with many of the students at the high poverty school where I taught, but of all the books I've read recently, I added more highlights and post its, and plan to go back and type up an outline of all of the things that struck me as useful.

[Christy Chance · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really struggled with this book…the implication is that it’s geared towards parents who want to help their children survive the rough waters of middle school…but with so much material—I can barely survive this book! The “10 key skills” themselves are followed by so many footnotes of actionable tasks a parent should be doing, you’d have to be a programmable stepford robot to achieve every suggestion. So this book succeeded in making me feel like I could never live up to the expectations it outlines (some of which are totally catering to snowflake mentalities BTW). I won’t say I walked away with nothing learned…but I’m definitely mentally drained and overwhelmed.

[Kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book through the eyes of an educator, not as a parent. I thought it was very well-written and easy to follow. My only complaint is that the book presumes that the reader has seemingly endless time, money, and resources to devote to their preteen. Given that the author is a counselor at a private school, I was not surprised, but I still think it could've been made more accessible to readers who don't have that privilege. That said, I bookmarked many suggestions and resources for further use in my work, and I would recommend it to most of the families at my school.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Surviving and thriving in middle school can be difficult for kids, parents, and teachers. With her extensive experience as a middle school counselor, the author gives sound and tried advice to both parents and teachers of middle school students. She gives examples, teaching methods, and conversation starters that will help parents and teachers deal with the many difficult aspects of this age. This is a great how-to guide for parents and teachers of grades six through eight.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is packed with great insights and that I wish I could absorb fully in order to be ready with a reasonable response when the time comes. Reality mainly doesn't match the wish, but I'm hoping it influences my behavior as a parent on some level. There is a lot of overlap with "Love and Logic", which I think is a good thing. Both of those books seem like great resources to keep on hand for the next time you're at a loss as to how to support your teen.

[Joelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read half and skimmed the rest since the book was overdue at the library. I have told people about the book, which should garner it 5 stars on my scale, but since I didn't like it enough to buy a copy, I'm sticking with 4 stars. It's a good positive look on middle school, which helped my "meh" attitude that I was passing on to my children. There are some good actionable items, but sometimes they are a little too vague to be truly useful. Overall a good read.

[Jesica DeHart · Rating 5 out of 5]

An essential guide to the wildly unpredictable middle school years where tweens become teens, hormones unfold and peers influence becomes stronger. A must read for all parents and I recommend reading it before during or even after these tumultuous and dynamically influencing years where kids enter as and young adults emerge.

[J.j. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not earth-shattering, but definitely worth a read, particularly for all of the examples of middle school behaviors from the author and other sources. As a parent you really only know what YOUR kid is like, so it’s helpful to read a book like this that really gives you specific examples along the wide spectrum of what middle school can look like.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is well researched and gives an engaging summary of what parents (and educators) can expect in middle school. The discussion questions at the end of each chapter are helpful and as a parent I plan to use them when needed! Lots of good information.