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Spoiled Right: Delaying Screens and Giving Children What They Really Need
"Spoiled Right allows you to cut through the noise so you can provide kids the childhoods they deserve. Get this book!"—Richard Freed, psychologist and author of Wired Child"I am so glad this book exists. As a parent, educator, and screentime consultant aware of the modern challenges presented by excess screen use, I am constantly searching for research-based strategies to apply in my own home and in my work with clients. Dr. Owenz's book is not only chock full of the research we need to support child-centered developmental choices, but it also provides parents and caregivers with practical and tactical 'to-do's' to put intention into (research-backed) action. It's not about 'less screens'; it's about more of the high-quality life experiences that truly contribute to healthy development. Dr. Owenz approaches the challenge of screentime with empathy, warmth, and personal experience to show that less screentime is not only possible, it's preferable in the long run. It is easy to tell parents 'do less screentime,' but to have a resource that actually maps out the five key ingredients (her S.P.O.I.L. method) for raising healthy and happy children is truly awesome. This book will be a go-to resource for me for a long time!"—Emily Cherkin, MA Ed, and The Screentime ConsultantFrom the author of popular parenting blog, Screen-Free Parenting.If kids are supposed to be spending less time on screens, what should they be doing instead? This book answers that question and gives parents and those who work with them, a science-backed, developmentally appropriate system for emphasizing alternative activities of childhood that can incidentally reduce screen time and minimize the negative effects. It's the much needed "what to do" answer in response to the heavy-handed "what not to do" mandates about children's screen time. Dr. Owenz suggests caregivers do not need another thing to avoid, and instead should be focusing on what children need more of, like social time, play opportunities, outdoor experiences, chores, and a strong relationship with reading.Dr. Meghan Owenz is the author of the book, Spoiled Delaying Screens and Giving Children What They Really Need, which applies goal science to incidentally reduce screen time by providing a science-backed, developmentally appropriate system for emphasizing alternative activities of childhood. Meghan is also a parent and university professor. Her doctorate degree is in Counseling Psychology from the University of Miami. She is the co-founder and writer of the popular parenting website, Screen-Free Parenting. She is a regular speaker on the topic of children's screen time and uses her expertise to advocate for science-backed changes to policies and practices that affect children's well-being. She also created the board game, Starting Lines, to fight creative decline and reward children's out-of-the-box thinking. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two children who are thriving with very limited screen time.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
291 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2021
56 people are currently reading
238 people want to read
About the author
Meghan Owenz
1 book5 followersMeghan Owenz, PhD is an author, parent, and professor at Penn State University, Berks. She is the co-founder and writer of the popular parenting website, Screen-Free Parenting. She is a regular speaker on the topic of children’s screen time and uses her expertise to advocate for science-backed changes to policies and practices that affect children’s well-being. She also created the board game Starting Lines to fight creative decline and reward children’s out-of-the-box thinking. She lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and two children who are thriving with very limited screen time.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
November 24, 2021
Loved this read. Her focus on achievement based goals instead of avoidance based goals was on point. And she is certainly not vilifying screens for children. She’s focused more on what activities build small children into successfully developed adults and how to incorporate those ideas into your lifestyle. And she makes plenty of room in her discussion for families to have different structures, ideas and things that work or don’t work.
My one ongoing concern with parenting books (which crops up in this work) is the continued focus on the “stay at home mom” household structure that only exists in a small portion of American households. Having a largely screen free lifestyle requires massive investment in the early years by caregivers that are available non stop. And much of this book’s ideas and structures (while I think they are fantastic and necessary) DO require an “extremely” available adult, even though the author implies that it doesn’t.
I’d love to see some more discussion in this book on how to manage kids unloading the dishwasher for 45 minutes (an antidote she discusses from her own life) while she and her husband are also working. If children spend an hour “goofing” around while doing daily chores (which is a normal and fun part of childhood as she argues) how is an adult supposed to work? The balance here is missing. And this goes for every area discussed. Anyone with kids knows that it might take 3 minutes to get out the door in the morning, or an hour and a half (another topic discussed). Nobody is going to make it to school OR work with it taking an hour and a half. So I would’ve loved to see her discuss some more balanced ideas other than “make space” to allow for kids to spend an hour and a half getting ready in the morning. What is the solution? Are we all to get up at 3am? She discusses a couple of stories of a “rushed mom” in the mornings, but I’m not seeing a whole lot of other solutions other than the mom just not working outside the home or basically never sleeping. To say nothing of the blatantly obvious issue of a completely absent father figure in most of the antidotes discussed. It’s always a mom rushing around and figuring things out and being told she just needs to “do better” or “get up earlier.”
So I guess my bottom line is this. I took a lot of amazing ideas from this book and the content was fantastic. The author’s inclusive attitude was refreshing. It was worth every minute I spent reading it and it deserved five stars. However there are still some glaring underlying issues with how society views and doesn’t support household structures, and the idealistic standards we’d all love to live up to but can’t.
My one ongoing concern with parenting books (which crops up in this work) is the continued focus on the “stay at home mom” household structure that only exists in a small portion of American households. Having a largely screen free lifestyle requires massive investment in the early years by caregivers that are available non stop. And much of this book’s ideas and structures (while I think they are fantastic and necessary) DO require an “extremely” available adult, even though the author implies that it doesn’t.
I’d love to see some more discussion in this book on how to manage kids unloading the dishwasher for 45 minutes (an antidote she discusses from her own life) while she and her husband are also working. If children spend an hour “goofing” around while doing daily chores (which is a normal and fun part of childhood as she argues) how is an adult supposed to work? The balance here is missing. And this goes for every area discussed. Anyone with kids knows that it might take 3 minutes to get out the door in the morning, or an hour and a half (another topic discussed). Nobody is going to make it to school OR work with it taking an hour and a half. So I would’ve loved to see her discuss some more balanced ideas other than “make space” to allow for kids to spend an hour and a half getting ready in the morning. What is the solution? Are we all to get up at 3am? She discusses a couple of stories of a “rushed mom” in the mornings, but I’m not seeing a whole lot of other solutions other than the mom just not working outside the home or basically never sleeping. To say nothing of the blatantly obvious issue of a completely absent father figure in most of the antidotes discussed. It’s always a mom rushing around and figuring things out and being told she just needs to “do better” or “get up earlier.”
So I guess my bottom line is this. I took a lot of amazing ideas from this book and the content was fantastic. The author’s inclusive attitude was refreshing. It was worth every minute I spent reading it and it deserved five stars. However there are still some glaring underlying issues with how society views and doesn’t support household structures, and the idealistic standards we’d all love to live up to but can’t.
March 19, 2022
My child is not even 1 year old, and already I find myself having conversations about well-meaning family/friends about screens. I had not anticipated this becoming an issue so early!
Now that I've read this book, I feel empowered to make better decisions for my family and make some changes in how I use screens too. It's has given me a lot of hope and there are great ideas for activities we can do together as she grows up.
I would recommend this to any parent or care giver, it's an optimistic approach with practical, flexible ideas.
Now that I've read this book, I feel empowered to make better decisions for my family and make some changes in how I use screens too. It's has given me a lot of hope and there are great ideas for activities we can do together as she grows up.
I would recommend this to any parent or care giver, it's an optimistic approach with practical, flexible ideas.
January 3, 2022
A really excellent secular parenting book. It may skew a bit academic for some, but for others it'll be just right as it's well balanced with practical, specific ideas and strategies.
The author runs the website Screen-Free Parenting, so if the subtitle didn't tip you off be well aware what you're getting here. Research-based data-backed information about how treating our kids differently from every generation in the history of the world is—surprise—not healthy. And what to do instead. Good stuff. Old-fashioned, simple stuff.
The author runs the website Screen-Free Parenting, so if the subtitle didn't tip you off be well aware what you're getting here. Research-based data-backed information about how treating our kids differently from every generation in the history of the world is—surprise—not healthy. And what to do instead. Good stuff. Old-fashioned, simple stuff.
February 8, 2021
Would definitely recommend this book, to parents, caregivers, educators, and those units related to child care, and or development.
The author, a PhD, counseling psychologist, University professor, and as a active parent of two young children, has written, a clear and concise natural approach method, for early deserved child development, with limited or no media intervention, with excellent results.
With numerous noted scientific references, and daily experience, she has put forth the S.P.O.I.L. System for young child, which includes: Social, Play, Outdoor, Independent work, and Literacy.
I found the book, easy to read, understandable, and of real interest; with insight, and a program, which does gives the child, the rewards, in the learning, and growing experience, with understanding, freedom, responsibility, and confidence, and being happy.
The author, a PhD, counseling psychologist, University professor, and as a active parent of two young children, has written, a clear and concise natural approach method, for early deserved child development, with limited or no media intervention, with excellent results.
With numerous noted scientific references, and daily experience, she has put forth the S.P.O.I.L. System for young child, which includes: Social, Play, Outdoor, Independent work, and Literacy.
I found the book, easy to read, understandable, and of real interest; with insight, and a program, which does gives the child, the rewards, in the learning, and growing experience, with understanding, freedom, responsibility, and confidence, and being happy.
May 24, 2021
The only reason I didn't give it 5 stars is because I was surprised at the amount of typos and awkward sentences for a published book. However, the content is great and the typos can be overlooked. I'd recommend it to any parent or anyone considering becoming a parent.
May 7, 2023
I've been snobby about self-help books always, but recently parenting books have been a bit of a gateway drug for me. I'm still shy to admit to reading titles like this one, but kids was really the breaking point in that it's so obvious that I don't have the proper socialization on my own to model the behaviours I would want to, while at the same time it's also clearly so important that I do to the extent possible. Part of it is that to some extent this type of book truly is garbage: the science in this book, for example, is disproportionately guided toward maximizing the earning power that the kids will have when they become adults! There's also latent fatphobia throughout. But I do still always get a lot out of this type of book. For one example: little kids will NEVER answer if you ask them what they did that day. This book's suggestion is to instead ask them to play and basically say e.g. "you be the daycare teacher and I'll be the kid" and you'll learn tons about their day-to-day. Simple as it is, I never in a million years would think of that on my own. In any event, this book is kind of an anti-screen time book, but instead of focusing on not using screens the book focuses on the things they kids should be spending time on instead, which they boil down to the mnemonic acronym SPOIL: Social time, Play led by the kid, Outdoor time, Independent work, and Literacy. There's a chapter on each letter, and fully 90%+ of the value of the book IMO is just in the couple-page checklists at the end of each of these chapters giving creative ideas on how to boost a kid's experience in each area. There's also some helpful things that should be obvious but somehow aren't, asking whether you want your kids, when they are old enough, to be using phones the way you use a phone (e.g. while driving a car, while you're trying to talk to them, etc.)
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February 16, 2021I really enjoyed reading this book - rather than "don't let your kids use screens" there was some concrete suggestions and ideas for change and what to do instead. In fact, rather than "don't use screens" the message of the book is "don't let screens take away from these other things".
I did feel like parts of the books were overly wordy with too many examples from the authors family. Although useful for illustrative purposes, sometimes they felt unnecessary. Alternatively, using a wider range of families would have made to the book feel more applicable to other types of family.
As I read the kindle edition I'll mention some things that I would have liked to see in that edition that would have made the reading experience easier.
* Chapter titles - when I wanted to go back and check something it would have been helpful if the chapter titles had been more descriptive.
* Footnotes - I would have preferred if the references used had linked to a footnote rather than (breaking up the text). I think this is more common in kindle books but I never noticed it until now.
* End of the book - I believe that how many reviews you get impacts your ranking on the kindle store. To this end many authors mark the "end of the book", where the reader is prompted to leave a review, before the extensive footnotes. I had to flip through an 11 minute footnote chapter before being prompted.
I did feel like parts of the books were overly wordy with too many examples from the authors family. Although useful for illustrative purposes, sometimes they felt unnecessary. Alternatively, using a wider range of families would have made to the book feel more applicable to other types of family.
As I read the kindle edition I'll mention some things that I would have liked to see in that edition that would have made the reading experience easier.
* Chapter titles - when I wanted to go back and check something it would have been helpful if the chapter titles had been more descriptive.
* Footnotes - I would have preferred if the references used had linked to a footnote rather than (breaking up the text). I think this is more common in kindle books but I never noticed it until now.
* End of the book - I believe that how many reviews you get impacts your ranking on the kindle store. To this end many authors mark the "end of the book", where the reader is prompted to leave a review, before the extensive footnotes. I had to flip through an 11 minute footnote chapter before being prompted.
March 5, 2021
Spoiled Right is informative, well researched, and easy to read. I dislike when authors do great research, but it reads like a text book. This is not like that. The author is a professor, psychologist, and a mom. Her research is threaded well throughout the book with real stories about things that her kids have done at home. I would say this is geared more toward younger aged children but the concepts here can be applied to older aged kids as well. One other big plus for me is the "what to do" instead of saying what "not to do". If I already picked up this book, it's because I want to limit/reduce my family's screen time. I don't want to spend an entire book being told what not to do when I need someone to help me with ideas on what I CAN do instead. The author is SPOT ON with this through the book. I also appreciate the structure of each book chapter. It either leads with a fact from research which is expanded upon, or my favorite, a anecdote from the author's family life. The author's mom experiences are relatable and her writing voice is clever with a bit of humor mixed in. I don't feel like I'm sitting at a boring lecture with fact after fact thrown at me. This is the kind of book that I can read fast but also can go back to reread and really digest the research. And it IS well researched. All in all, I highly recommend this book.
January 27, 2023
There is so much out there on the detrimental effects of screen time for children, but this book goes beyond that and tackles what to give your kids instead. Well researched and practical. A year after reading I'm still using the acronym SPOIL for my kids (Social, Play, Outdoor time, Independent Work, Literacy).
One of my favorite quotes from the book:
"We do some things just for the outcome. We don’t care about the journey. If it’s fastest to drive to work we chose it because the goal is just to get there. Parenting, ideally, is not just about 'getting there.' It’s not an instrumental goal. If the goal was simply to create a productive adult, it might make the most sense to ship the children out to some factory. For most parents, this is a constitutive goal; the means and ends cannot be separated. But often the activity is the end destination. The activity has value in and of itself. We identify strongly with doing things like reading and playing with our kids. We would do them, even if there were no guarantee of success. They are important, worthwhile activities in and of themselves. These are the types of activities that are associated with wellbeing, which includes higher-order human goods like personal growth, meaning, and purpose.”
One of my favorite quotes from the book:
"We do some things just for the outcome. We don’t care about the journey. If it’s fastest to drive to work we chose it because the goal is just to get there. Parenting, ideally, is not just about 'getting there.' It’s not an instrumental goal. If the goal was simply to create a productive adult, it might make the most sense to ship the children out to some factory. For most parents, this is a constitutive goal; the means and ends cannot be separated. But often the activity is the end destination. The activity has value in and of itself. We identify strongly with doing things like reading and playing with our kids. We would do them, even if there were no guarantee of success. They are important, worthwhile activities in and of themselves. These are the types of activities that are associated with wellbeing, which includes higher-order human goods like personal growth, meaning, and purpose.”
May 14, 2021
I really enjoyed reading this book! It helped my wife and I to take a step back and think about what my values were and how to raise my children in a more purposeful way. I've always landed on the side of less screen time, but this book helped me to understand the cost of screen time and the positive alternatives that would make my children's lives and my own life more fulfilling. Spoiled Right was written in such a way that I did not feel guilty or reprimanded by the author, but more like I was having a fun conversation with a good friend. I'd recommend this to anyone who is parenting and looking to discover creative screen alternatives that do not feel overwhelming.
March 4, 2021
Spoiled Right is a well-written, well-researched book on how to have more fun with your children. While it does provide evidence why screens should be delayed and reduced, it more importantly teaches what to do instead. Since reading the book I find that I enjoy playing more with my children and I watch them play in a whole new light. I will be purchasing this book for all future baby showers and loan it out to all my friends!
April 12, 2023
The most important parenting book I’ve ever read (and I have read a lot!). I will recommend this to every parent and educator I meet and give this to all parents to be. It’s so simple and intuitive and I’ve started asking every day, “Have you been spoiled right today?” To which my child enthusiastically says: YES!
May 8, 2023
Really excellent parenting practical book about how to spoil your children the right way so no time is left for screens( hint spoil is acronym for type of activities)full of researches and practical ideas to fill your day and your children’s day. Highly recommend this book. The author found a board game named starting lines it is really fun highly recommend it.
February 5, 2024
I read this book a few years ago because Janet Lansbury recommended it and it inspired me to take my kids outdoors more, read to them more and made me see how great free play and imaginary play with friends is for kids!
“Spoil” is an acronym she uses for:
- Social
- Play
- Outdoors
- Imaginary Play
- Literacy
I found this book really inspiring!
“Spoil” is an acronym she uses for:
- Social
- Play
- Outdoors
- Imaginary Play
- Literacy
I found this book really inspiring!
April 26, 2021
Excellent resource for raising kids without relying on screen-time. It proposes other more valuable activities to do instead. The chapter on work/chores was a real eye-opener. Well-written, well-researched and easy to read and apply.
November 10, 2022
Well Worthy of a Read
Loved this book so much. Will likely read over and over. Simple yet super validating and motivating. Allow more quality space and connection and the screens should naturally decrease.
Loved this book so much. Will likely read over and over. Simple yet super validating and motivating. Allow more quality space and connection and the screens should naturally decrease.
October 24, 2021
5 stars for the importance of this topic.
3 stars because there wasn’t much I hadn’t already read before.
5+3=8
8/2=4
3 stars because there wasn’t much I hadn’t already read before.
5+3=8
8/2=4
April 13, 2022
I loved this book! We already don't use screens most of the time so she was kind of preaching to the choir. I loved all the research about the ways she suggests you fill the day and why.
March 5, 2021
Spoiled Right is informative, well researched, and easy to read. I dislike when authors do great research, but it reads like a text book. This is not like that. The author is a professor, psychologist, and a mom. Her research is threaded well throughout the book with real stories about things that her kids have done at home. I would say this is geared more toward younger aged children but the concepts here can be applied to older aged kids as well. One other big plus for me is the "what to do" instead of saying what "not to do". If I already picked up this book, it's because I want to limit/reduce my family's screen time. I don't want to spend an entire book being told what not to do when I need someone to help me with ideas on what I CAN do instead. The author is SPOT ON with this through the book. I also appreciate the structure of each book chapter. It either leads with a fact from research which is expanded upon, or my favorite, a anecdote from the author's family life. The author's mom experiences are relatable and her writing voice is clever with a bit of humor mixed in. I don't feel like I'm sitting at a boring lecture with fact after fact thrown at me. This is the kind of book that I can read fast but also can go back to reread and really digest the research. And it IS well researched. All in all, I highly recommend this book.
February 8, 2021
Would definitely recommend this book, to parents, caregivers, educators, and those units related to child care, and or development.
The author, a PhD, counseling psychologist, University professor, and as a active parent of two young children, has written, a clear and concise natural approach method, for early deserved child development, with limited or no media intervention, with excellent results.
With numerous noted scientific references, and daily experience, she has put forth the S.P.O.I.L. System for young child, which includes: Social, Play, Outdoor, Independent work, and Literacy.
I found the book, easy to read, understandable, and of real interest; with insight, and a program, which does gives the child, the rewards, in the learning, and growing experience, with understanding, freedom, responsibility, and confidence, and being happy.
The author, a PhD, counseling psychologist, University professor, and as a active parent of two young children, has written, a clear and concise natural approach method, for early deserved child development, with limited or no media intervention, with excellent results.
With numerous noted scientific references, and daily experience, she has put forth the S.P.O.I.L. System for young child, which includes: Social, Play, Outdoor, Independent work, and Literacy.
I found the book, easy to read, understandable, and of real interest; with insight, and a program, which does gives the child, the rewards, in the learning, and growing experience, with understanding, freedom, responsibility, and confidence, and being happy.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews