The Way of Transition: Embracing Life's Most Difficult Moments

by William Bridges

William Bridges' lifelong work has been devoted to a deep understanding of transitions and to helping others through them. When his own wife of thirty-five years died of cancer, however, he was thrown head-first into the kind of painful and confusing abyss he had known before only in theory. An honest account of being in transition, this uncommonly wise and moving book is a richly textured map of the personal, professional, and emotional transformations that grow out of tragedy and crisis. Demonstrating how disillusionment, sorrow, or confusion can blossom into a time of incredible creativity and contentment, Bridges highlights the profound significance and value of endings in our lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Spirituality, Personal Development, Personal Growth, Leadership

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

William Bridges is an internationally known speaker, author, and consultant who advises individuals and organizations in how to deal productively with change.

Educated originally in the humanities at Harvard, Columbia, and Brown Universities, he was (until his own career change in 1974) a professor of American Literature at Mills College, Oakland, CA. He is a past president of the Association for Humanistic Psychology. The Wall Street Journal listed him as one of the top ten independent executive development presenters in America.

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Reviews

[mehg-hen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, I guess I loved this anyway. Sometimes he is annoying and you want to punch him for being a post-hippie perfectionist and name dropping Ram Dass and saying "transition" over and over. But then he says how things really went for him and how communal living got annoying and everything he thought was perfect and magical and The Answer revealed it's disappointing reality, and then balanced out to be okay.

He gave a name to the shitting-your-pants "oh God, what is happening, who am I, will it always be this horrible, what do I do, what do I do" in between times when you can imagine no future and have no direction. He calls this the "neutral zone" with I enjoy as a euphemism. Also that the world is not a machine, and stop wasting time trying to find the right answer, and that everyone's life is a meandering mess if people are honest, but the mess makes good, organic fertilizer and without all the naturally created shit, you don't get trace nutrients that help in ways you don't understand.

He points out that there is no answer, even though he always thinks there is, that you have to deal with it, but that things die and an ending has to happen to make way for a new beginning. He describes the feeling in a way that I would like to hug him for and give him some small flowers and a non-organic steak well-cooked by an immigrant.

[Patty · Rating 3 out of 5]

“When I am ninety, I’ll still be discovering, as if for the first time, that the way of transition simply involves following your path, letting go when it is time, being open to the neutral zone when that is what you need to do, and embracing the new form when it emerges from the shadows at the edge of the present.”

This is one in a series of books I have read lately about personal growth and self improvement. My retirement has caused me to be introspective as I try to understand what my next call is. I feel like I made a difference in my career at the Pamunkey Regional Library and I hope to continue to serve my community in some way. However, I haven’t quite found my niche, so I keep reading and thinking. Much of what Bridges had to say has been helpful.

This book is about both Bridges’ personal journey through transition and how transition generally looks for everyone. The dual message of Bridges’ writing is both useful and difficult. I like knowing how an “expert” has experienced what he or she is writing about. It is why I like Brene Brown. She ties her own life into her books.

Bridges’ does the same, but his experience about transition is about dealing with his wife’s death. This is where the book gets difficult. Sometimes it feels like Bridges’ is using his wife’s life and experiences for his own devices. Since his wife is not present to give her view of their lives together, this is understandably one-sided. I know there is no way to avoid this, but I was occasionally uncomfortable with his interpretations.

I read this book because it was recommended by the leader of a retreat I was on earlier this month. We were looking at change – so this was useful for the retreat as well as my life in general.

If you are living through changes in your life at home, at work or wherever, you might find this book helpful. Bridges is very clear about how he sees transitions and what people have to do to get through them. He has written about change for years and really does know what he is talking about. If you are struggling with transition and change, then I recommend you read the prologue and first chapter, so you can see if this appeals to you.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Way of Transition is on my shortlist of all-time favourite books. It’s a great one to read and reread if you in that liminal space between ‘old you’ and ‘new you’. Trigger warning in case you miss it in the description — William Bridges’ wife has breast cancer and dies. Bridges discusses this in detail.

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this. Now.

[Mary Hodson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Secular and humanistic perspective of moving through the change process. Mainly autobiographical in relationship to dealing with loss and grief. Helpful perspective in the importance of letting go and ending/the in-between process of being in a 'neutral zone'/the moving towards a new beginning. Overall a book that gave general observations but felt empty in the help it could give.

[Barry Bridges · Rating 5 out of 5]

Profound wisdom regarding the journey through transitions, current state-letting go-future state, is shared as Bridges navigates the slippery path exposing his deep loss. Understanding change vs. transition is simply the beginning of the journey. There is so much quotable and so many deep paragraphs it is hard to capture in a single review or summary, you must, absolutely must, make the journey through this book yourself, and discover your own journey.

Bridges is essentially the Father of change management, begun by his 1980 book Transitions. This work takes the corporate and moves to the personal in a powerful way.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Endings & losses are the commonest first sign that people are in transition. Signaled by one of several experiences:

- a sudden and unexpected event that destroys the old life that made you feel like yourself
- the "drying up" of a situation or a relationship that once felt vial & alive
- an activity that has always gone well before, suddenly & unexpectedly goes badly
- a person or an organization that you have always trusted proves to be untrustworthy and your whole sense of reality comes apart
- an inexplicable or unforeseen problem crops up, at the worst possible moment, to disrupt the ordinary functioning of your life

The irony is that people naturally view such events or situations as disasters to be averted, as problems to be solved, or as mistakes to be corrected. But since they are really signals that the transition process has commenced, making them go away is no more than turning off the alarm clock that woke you up.

Whatever it's details, an outer loss is best understood as a surrogate for some inner relinquishment that must be made, but one that is difficult to describe. What it is time to let go of is not so much the relationship or the job itself, but rather the hopes, fears, dreams and beliefs we have attached to them. If you only let go of the job or the relationship, you'll just find another one & attach the same hopes, fears, dreams & beliefs to it. And, on the other hand, you may find that you can let go of those inner attitudes without actually terminating the outer situation.

Since a loss is best seen as the cue that it is time to let go of the inner thing, one of the first things a person in transition needs to ask is: "What is it time for me to let go of?" The danger is that the person will fail to grasp the inner message & conclude that the outer message is the whole story. I myself had done that by believing that "moving to the country" and "finding a new career" were ends in themselves. Fortunately, my struggle took my long enough so that I had time to discover that what I had to let go of had far less to do with vocational activity & geography than with the programming that had carried me through the first 40 years of my life.

Change can happen at any time, but transition comes along when one chapter of your life is over & another is waiting in the wings to make its entrance. Transition does not require that you reject or deny the importance of your old life, just that you let go of it. Far from rejecting it, you are likely to do better with the ending if you honor the old life for all that it did for you. It got you this far. It brought you everything you have. But now it is time to let go of it. Your old life is over. No matter how much you would like to continue it or rescue it or fix it, it's time to let go.

Whether letting go will be entirely subjective & internal or whether it will lead to further external changes may at first not be clear. Many people leap to the conclusion that "it is over" means that the life situation has to go. They get divorced, walk out of the office, leave the church, abandon education, leave the country. They do these things, even though all that they were being called on to do was to leave the relation that they had to these things. Even when the ending is literal, as it is in death, the most important relinquishment is not of the person but of the life that you shared with that person.

Some people actually utilize external changes to distract them from the harder business of letting go of their subjective realities and identities. They make external changes so they won't have to make transitions. Such people claim that they are always in transition but in fact they are prob never in transition. They are addicted to change, and like any addiction, it is an escape from the real issues raised by their lives.

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoyed Bridges' story of his own transition through the grief of losing his first wife. He is less successful when he opts rather heavy-handedly to tell the story of change by way of Greek myth (Demeter/Persephone, Odysseus) or fairy tale ("The Wizard of Oz"). I found especially interesting his explanation of what he calls the neutral zone, that mental/emotional space in which we find ourselves when we've ended one portion of our lives and the other hasn't yet fully materialized. Life here can feel flat and dull, he maintains, but this is merely appearance; much is happening inwardly. Bridges' description of the neutral zone mirrors much of the spiritual literature out there. (*I'm thinking in particular of Sanaya Roman's "Spiritual Growth" and her description of this same space, which she dubs "the void.") Feels to me as if much of this material is already a bit dated, but may seem cutting-edge to those who approach from the corporate side of things.

[Tami · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't sure I'd be able to get through this book, as about 1/3 of it is specifically about his wife dying from cancer. But it proved to be a helpful way to process such a painful experience. While it's not a How-to book (darn it!), it does leave me with much more peace & confidence about the journey that I'm on - that it's okay not to have a plan per se, but to live each day as it comes, figuring out my path as I walk it.

[Rochelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This absolute gem of a book is the distillation of over 35 years of writing, speaking, and teaching about the differences between transition and change and how to skillfully navigate them in your life. Don't miss his first book, Transitions. It is a little more helpful to read them in order, but not necessary to profit immensely from his insights. 5 stars and above!!

[David Geller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous. Bridges takes his perspective on transitions from the intellectual to the personal. He really shows us that transitions are experienced. Our next chapter is not figured out intellectually, it is discovered emotionally. He shows us we need to trust that our capacity to experience the challenges of the neutral zone, and that we will discover our next new beginning.

[HadiDee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading this very personal memoir applying Bridges transition model to personal transitions; mostly the death of his wife. He doesn’t talk much about how to navigate the transitions that we face, simply explains the three step process: let go of what was, act you’ll be in a neutral zone while things sort themselves out, move onto the new beginning. It’s fine as a model, but what do you do with it?

Couldn’t give it 5stars because ‘my wife’s death lead me a profound transition’ just felt … a bit coldblooded. I don’t know but I was a bit discomforted when reading about the phases in their marriage, and her affair. I kept wondering what his daughters must feel when they read all this about their parents marriage.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

My priest shared this with me when I was in the midst of my own transition -- leaving my job, walking the Camino in Spain and setting out to learn what is to come next. It was so useful - deeply meaningful personally. For those who like business books, the ideas in here would make for an incredible book on change management. There are some excellent quotes that address it directly... with a little imagination you can absolutely apply this to major periods of change at work.

[Patricia McMillen · Rating 5 out of 5]

powerful exploration of the process of transition

I’d classify this work as a hopeful, empowering guide to the process of transition in each of our lives - illustrated by the author’s personal life experiences of marriage, being widowed, changing career directions and even writing the book - none of these things that turned out as he expected, but all of them being exactly the teachers he needed once he discerned how to listen and learn from these and other changes.

[J Crossley · Rating 3 out of 5]

William Bridges has written other books about managing transitions (Transitions-Making Sense Out of Life’s Changes and Managing Transitions). In this book, he speaks of transitions as he works through his wife’s death from cancer. This book educates not only with how to manage transitions, but with the personal struggle Bridges as he manages his own transition.

[Eric · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fitting read for this passage in my life. Bridges offers quite a number of helpful images and frames for transitions. Ironically I sometimes found in his writings words I've spoken along the way. Very helpful!

[Dian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just the introspection I was craving as I entered my own period of transition toward the end of last year. It’s a relatively easy read, but I paused quite a bit between chapters to take in what felt important and to leave the rest behind.

[John Tarnoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Personal, revealing, candid, and insightful - especially valuable for those looking to understand the process of recovering from loss or change.

[L · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a book that was very powerful for me during this phase of processing what is ahead, what is behind, and what is now.

[Kathi Crawford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bridge wrote "Transitions" previously which discussed endings as the first step through the neutral zone and to new beginnings. In this book he is able to apply his own concepts to his oven life transitions,through his wife's infidelity, cancer and death and ultimately a new relationship. I especially liked the realization that "The Wizard if Oz" was a story of Dorothy's own life transition and how Bridges identified the symbols and steps in the transition.

Bridges defines "a way" in the path sense that we are following, yet there are "no ways" in the method sense to guide us. We are all headed to the same place - transformation and life renewal, yet each of us is on a unique, unreplicable path (and the Emerald City was only the come on that convinced us to set forth).

Decisions are made on the basis of evidence and logic, but choices are always an act of will. Decisions have many possible forms, but choices have only two - yes or no. Choices put the chooser in the center of the picture.They are self motivating and lead naturally to commitment. To choose is to live more at risk.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read Bridges' Transitions in graduate school and finally picked up The Way of Transition. I'm so glad I waited and that I picked up this book this summer. I feel a new relationship with the transition I'm in the midst of and a feeling of camaraderie with Bridges and others who have gone through uncomfortable and renewing shifts in their lives. Bridges used his own theory of transition and paired it with stories of transitions he has experienced in his adult life. The end result for me is better understanding the stages of transition, greater compassion for myself, and appreciation for his vulnerability and openness in telling his own story.

[Susan Marshall Randlett · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the what I will send instead of a sympathy or condolence card. It covers every kind of transition from death of a loved one to a career shift and anything in between. It is told through an intensely personal story and much of it is beautiful. The rest of the book is helpful and thought provoking. The events in life when we lose something (a job, a marriage, a loved one) are hard and they are horrible to go through but through his words, you can see that hope and growth are also possible.

[Barbara Sands · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bill Bridges has dealt with transitions the better part of his life and has led groups in dealing with it as well as businesses preparing for it. This is a personal view of transition over a few years by an over-60 man who found reason to doubt what he had been teaching. It is an ultimately revealing and completely naked book. Some may doubt the wisdom of some of the revelations, but they form the basis for the profound transition that follows.

[Annettesegal · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is a symetry to transitions that doesn't appear to the naked eye... Bridges holds the lantern that illuminates the meandering, often stark and fretful path between the island of "what was" and the lush landscape of "what is possible" now.
This is book to own as a touchstone for all of life's deep and meaningful changes!

[Kathleen Gordon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is very good until about two thirds of the way through it. Then, after the author describes his difficulties in life, and the efforts he takes to regain some semblance of control over his life, the fairy tale ending occurs. I don't like fairy tale endings. In real life, I have almost never seen them happen. This cheapens the book in my opinion.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

More memoir than guide book, still I found it very helpful, and would recommend it to older readers undergoing difficult transitions (perhaps also useful for younger readers needing to cope with the transitions of elders, but I think a certain amount of grey hair is needed to fully appreciate this particular book). Not a linear book, so don't read this if you want to proceed directly from A to B.

[Greg · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author explains that whenever we experience a loss in life--whether death, loss of job, move--we experience a transition from the old life to a new life. Some people try to grasp onto the old life out of a sense of false security, but those who can accept the transition period that leads to a new way of living end up gaining a life more fully lived.
Engaging story and explanations.

[Randy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very good book and feel that the thoughts and advice it contains helped me immensely. For those of us experiencing "transitions" in life, especially those trying to recover from a broken relationship, I highly recommend it and it's positive perspective on what we are going through.

[Celina McClaran]

I read this as a recommendation to help transition to retirement. My intent was to discuss with my sister. The transition he was experiencing was losing his wife. Since I had also recently lost a loved one, it was a good read for me, but I couldn’t discuss it.

[Bob Lehto · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book in 2004 and found it very inspiring. I've decided to re-read it since my company is in the process of being acquired and I am experience "change."