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Almost
He is ready to talk about her, his daughter. He is ready in a way. In a way.
When a teenage girl dies in a car accident while returning home from school, her father is left to deal with his grief. Sent home from work for the crime of showing his emotions in front of strangers, he cannot bring himself to utter his unspoken thoughts of guilt and blame – not even to his wife. Alienated from the world and, to some degree, his own mind, and with his marriage slowly collapsing, the man starts to consider his grief.
In lyrical prose, Ami Rao experiments with language to explore grief, one of the most complex of human emotions. Inspired by the essays of Roland Barthes, this fragmented and philosophical novella is deeply moving.
When a teenage girl dies in a car accident while returning home from school, her father is left to deal with his grief. Sent home from work for the crime of showing his emotions in front of strangers, he cannot bring himself to utter his unspoken thoughts of guilt and blame – not even to his wife. Alienated from the world and, to some degree, his own mind, and with his marriage slowly collapsing, the man starts to consider his grief.
In lyrical prose, Ami Rao experiments with language to explore grief, one of the most complex of human emotions. Inspired by the essays of Roland Barthes, this fragmented and philosophical novella is deeply moving.
160 pages, Paperback
Published March 1, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
January 12, 2022
Ami Rao’s novella’s a study of grief that draws extensively and explicitly on the work of Roland Barthes, who seems to be an increasingly popular source of inspiration for a wide array of writers, some more successful in their use of his words and thought than others. Unfortunately, this strikes me as very much in the “less successful” category. A 14-year-old girl is killed in a traffic accident on her way home from school, after the event her father a poetry professor struggles to come to terms with his feelings of loss. The tangential link between her death and Roland Barthes’s - also killed after being hit by a vehicle while crossing a road - leads the grieving father to conjure up passages from Barthes’s writings as he mourns his daughter’s accidental death. It’s a potentially interesting approach to writing about the loss of a child but the style and the story didn’t work for me in any way whatsoever. I liked Rao’s attempt to disrupt narrative conventions by including lists, diagrams and other material but the results just didn’t hang together, the writing seemed incredibly forced, and I didn’t find the father’s voice at all convincing. The shifts in register, the character’s use of language, his ideas, didn’t fit together, not least his apparent notions about literature: a poetry lecturer fascinated by French theory who describes poetry in curiously dated, conventional terms that completely contradict his supposed theoretical underpinnings. I also found the ways in which grief played out here, despite the experimental trappings, quite predictable. From looking at other reviews a number of readers have found this a more positive reading experience, so it may be that this just wasn’t the right book for me.
Thanks to Netgalley and publisher Fairlight Books for an arc
Thanks to Netgalley and publisher Fairlight Books for an arc
September 6, 2023
Grief and how to handle it still remains a subject our culture is shy of. Shows of grief make us uncomfortable, we are unable to express our support, our solidarity and we cast down our eyes or turn slightly away.
In 'Almost' Rao does not shy away from the many dimensions of grief a father goes through on the death of his teenage daughter. She lays out his suffering, his thoughts, his estrangement from his work, his wife, his home, his life. To be able to do this she pairs him with the philosopher Roland Barthes, who spouts quotes but does not engage leaving HIM alone as we are all alone in our griefs and sorrows. The death of loved ones does shake up the foundations of our existence and having Barthes questioning what is real and what isn't may initially seem not in the moment but it is in fact so in the moment because it is at this time that we question, what we are, what we are doing, what we shall do?
I enjoyed this book very much more than I did 'The Lovely Bones another book about a father grieving.
An ARC gently provided by author/publisher via Netgalley
In 'Almost' Rao does not shy away from the many dimensions of grief a father goes through on the death of his teenage daughter. She lays out his suffering, his thoughts, his estrangement from his work, his wife, his home, his life. To be able to do this she pairs him with the philosopher Roland Barthes, who spouts quotes but does not engage leaving HIM alone as we are all alone in our griefs and sorrows. The death of loved ones does shake up the foundations of our existence and having Barthes questioning what is real and what isn't may initially seem not in the moment but it is in fact so in the moment because it is at this time that we question, what we are, what we are doing, what we shall do?
I enjoyed this book very much more than I did 'The Lovely Bones another book about a father grieving.
An ARC gently provided by author/publisher via Netgalley
June 10, 2022
I have read quite a few books which approach grief in interesting ways Sigried Nunez’ explores grief via dog acquisition , Jon Fosse’s (translated by Damion Searles) Septology examines the psychological effects of it through repetitive cyclical prose, Maggie O’Farrell historical novel Hamnet talks about the grief a mother goes through when losing her son. Ami Rao’s Almost can be added to this list as it also presents grief in a new way.
A family lose their daughter through a traffic accident. As the parents, especially the father (referred to as HE, another Barthesian link) examine their situation, they go through the stages. Yet, Ami Rao goes about this personal reflection in a new way.
What makes Almost different is that the book explores grief through various quotes by Roland Barthes. It’s like a meta conversation. In this alone there’s many levels. However the thing that strikes me is that Barthes was essentially against existentialist philosophy (or I guess criticized it could be a more apt term)and yet most of the quotes in this meta chat actually show that Barthes did have an existential vibe.
Ironically the part which struck me is not connected to Barthes. The bereaved father watches De Sica’s The Bicycle Thieves, which I see is a film about loss of childhood, but the father reinterprets the film on a deeper level; personal loss, with the bicycle representing his child and the thief God. Elsewhere grief is present and examined in other arts forms from music to poetry.
On Almost’s final page there is a sum stating how a family of three actually increases to seven when a loss occurs BUT is a negative mathematics as parents lose their titles, love is gone and since Barthes is an integral part of the story he’s part of the list. A death adds more but not in conventional way.
Almost made me do something every great books does and that is reflect. As grief is a universal feeling, I was amazed at how it can be examined in such a profound way. With her previous novel David and Ameena , Ami Rao tackled relationships in an innovative manner and once again she manages to give death an readable intellectual twist as well. For such a tricky subject, Ami Rao pulls it off perfectly.
A family lose their daughter through a traffic accident. As the parents, especially the father (referred to as HE, another Barthesian link) examine their situation, they go through the stages. Yet, Ami Rao goes about this personal reflection in a new way.
What makes Almost different is that the book explores grief through various quotes by Roland Barthes. It’s like a meta conversation. In this alone there’s many levels. However the thing that strikes me is that Barthes was essentially against existentialist philosophy (or I guess criticized it could be a more apt term)and yet most of the quotes in this meta chat actually show that Barthes did have an existential vibe.
Ironically the part which struck me is not connected to Barthes. The bereaved father watches De Sica’s The Bicycle Thieves, which I see is a film about loss of childhood, but the father reinterprets the film on a deeper level; personal loss, with the bicycle representing his child and the thief God. Elsewhere grief is present and examined in other arts forms from music to poetry.
On Almost’s final page there is a sum stating how a family of three actually increases to seven when a loss occurs BUT is a negative mathematics as parents lose their titles, love is gone and since Barthes is an integral part of the story he’s part of the list. A death adds more but not in conventional way.
Almost made me do something every great books does and that is reflect. As grief is a universal feeling, I was amazed at how it can be examined in such a profound way. With her previous novel David and Ameena , Ami Rao tackled relationships in an innovative manner and once again she manages to give death an readable intellectual twist as well. For such a tricky subject, Ami Rao pulls it off perfectly.
November 29, 2021
What is the saddest word in the English language? For the protagonist of this novel, it’s the eponymous almost (So glad the novel got renamed with a proper title, a huge improvement upon the previous blandly stodgy Father's Discourse). Almost. It is sad, isn’t it? Poetically so. And this novel is very poetic in a way. A visceral dissection of grief, this is a story of a father whose fourteen-year-old daughter gets hit by a car and dies. It isn’t anyone’s fault, it’s just one of those things. Suddenly, his life is undone, his marriage, his work, his very essence of self is irrevocably altered.
Not an easy book to read, which may explain why mine is the first review on GR for it and to be fair, it took me some time to get into it, but overall, it’s a compelling portrait of devastation well worth your attention.
It’s structured somewhat experimentally and features such heavy excerpts from Roland Barthes, that it almost seems like a cowriting effort. After all, the actual novel is barely more than a novella and each of its tiny chapter is preceded with a quotation. But it works, because it does add to the desired sum total of grief presented from every angle. Grief at its most grievous, soul-slamming, apocalyptic sort of force.
Not as an enjoyable read as such and certainly not an easy one to recommend, but if you consider books as travelogue into people’s psyche, this meditation on grief, since not all such journeys lead to happy sunny places. Certainly an interesting read. Thanks Netgalley.
Not an easy book to read, which may explain why mine is the first review on GR for it and to be fair, it took me some time to get into it, but overall, it’s a compelling portrait of devastation well worth your attention.
It’s structured somewhat experimentally and features such heavy excerpts from Roland Barthes, that it almost seems like a cowriting effort. After all, the actual novel is barely more than a novella and each of its tiny chapter is preceded with a quotation. But it works, because it does add to the desired sum total of grief presented from every angle. Grief at its most grievous, soul-slamming, apocalyptic sort of force.
Not as an enjoyable read as such and certainly not an easy one to recommend, but if you consider books as travelogue into people’s psyche, this meditation on grief, since not all such journeys lead to happy sunny places. Certainly an interesting read. Thanks Netgalley.
March 13, 2025
3.5 na een nachtje slapen,
toch een beetje dubbel dit.
toch een beetje dubbel dit.
January 19, 2022
Almost, by Ami Rao, is a short but powerful contemplation of grief and, through grief, life and love themselves. The use of quotes from Roland Barthes, in a type of conversation with the protagonist, works very well.
First, what this is not. It is not about how a grieving poetry professor uses theory in his grieving process, though there is nothing at all inconsistent with how he does so. This is not a tangential connection to Barthes because of how he died but, from that springboard, the use of Barthes' reflections on mourning and love to illuminate some of the protagonist's internal processes. If the reader is familiar with Barthes and his work, particularly A Lover's Discourse and Mourning Diary, one will likely appreciate the use of the quotes. But even if one has never read Barthes the quotes still serve to shift thought and perspective throughout.
On those quotes: while some have a fairly clear relationship with what comes before and/or after many take a little thought to find what commentary they might make on the surrounding sections. Some may not click with you, some perhaps after you have moved on. Most, I believe, will add texture to the reader's appreciation of the protagonist's grief.
Surprise, surprise, even with the specific story being told the general process of grieving still follows the well-documented process of grief and mourning. So yes, some parts will be a little "predictable," but if they hadn't been, the story would not have been realistic. Grief, as different as it is for each person, is still very similar as well. I'm glad that some apparently have never grieved and thus wants to be surprised by how a person grieves. But they wanted a fantasy and this is not fantasy.
One nice side effect of the literary frame and references throughout is that it prompts the reader to make their own connections. Most evident is the use of the quotes, they are specific enough to lend themselves to the sections around them but also general enough for a reader to make other connections, perhaps with things in their own lives, and take a short mental trip down that path before coming back to the story. Another example is how some of the thoughts the protagonist has, especially those that relate directly to the more common elements of the grieving process, will remind readers of other works of literature. One poem that came to mind for me several times was 'Surprised By Joy' from William Wordsworth.
I would highly recommend this to readers who don't mind inhabiting a mind during the grieving process. It is not what I would consider a horribly depressing book even though it tackles a very difficult time in the protagonist's life. I found it more melancholy than depressing.
Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley.
First, what this is not. It is not about how a grieving poetry professor uses theory in his grieving process, though there is nothing at all inconsistent with how he does so. This is not a tangential connection to Barthes because of how he died but, from that springboard, the use of Barthes' reflections on mourning and love to illuminate some of the protagonist's internal processes. If the reader is familiar with Barthes and his work, particularly A Lover's Discourse and Mourning Diary, one will likely appreciate the use of the quotes. But even if one has never read Barthes the quotes still serve to shift thought and perspective throughout.
On those quotes: while some have a fairly clear relationship with what comes before and/or after many take a little thought to find what commentary they might make on the surrounding sections. Some may not click with you, some perhaps after you have moved on. Most, I believe, will add texture to the reader's appreciation of the protagonist's grief.
Surprise, surprise, even with the specific story being told the general process of grieving still follows the well-documented process of grief and mourning. So yes, some parts will be a little "predictable," but if they hadn't been, the story would not have been realistic. Grief, as different as it is for each person, is still very similar as well. I'm glad that some apparently have never grieved and thus wants to be surprised by how a person grieves. But they wanted a fantasy and this is not fantasy.
One nice side effect of the literary frame and references throughout is that it prompts the reader to make their own connections. Most evident is the use of the quotes, they are specific enough to lend themselves to the sections around them but also general enough for a reader to make other connections, perhaps with things in their own lives, and take a short mental trip down that path before coming back to the story. Another example is how some of the thoughts the protagonist has, especially those that relate directly to the more common elements of the grieving process, will remind readers of other works of literature. One poem that came to mind for me several times was 'Surprised By Joy' from William Wordsworth.
I would highly recommend this to readers who don't mind inhabiting a mind during the grieving process. It is not what I would consider a horribly depressing book even though it tackles a very difficult time in the protagonist's life. I found it more melancholy than depressing.
Reviewed from a copy made available by the publisher via NetGalley.
April 6, 2022
After reading and loving David and Ameena last year, I was desperate to read anything else by the author - and whilst this is utterly different and very experimental, I still loved it!
This is the fragmented and lyrical story of one father’s grief after losing his daughter, interspersed with quotes from Roland Barthes which somehow connect to the narrative before or after them.
Not going to pretend that I had a clue who Roland Barthes was (🙈), but whether you know or don’t, I’m sure you’ll be able to appreciate the connections the author makes between his essays and the narrative of grief in this novella.
I’m not especially hot on talking about different writing styles and formats (I’m just not that smart tbh) but this is very different to anything I’ve read before, with different sections and headings, some poetry, and even physical drawings rather than words at times. But the fact that I didn’t fully understand the reasons and originality of it in no way hindered my enjoyment (probably the wrong word when talking grief!) of this story.
This is a brutal and raw exploration of loss - and that most heartbreaking loss imaginable, of a child. It was devastating and at the same time utterly compelling. I’ve never felt a character’s emotions quite so powerfully whilst reading, and it’s amazing how much can be said in such a short novel. This just goes to show how versatile a writer Rao is.
This is the fragmented and lyrical story of one father’s grief after losing his daughter, interspersed with quotes from Roland Barthes which somehow connect to the narrative before or after them.
Not going to pretend that I had a clue who Roland Barthes was (🙈), but whether you know or don’t, I’m sure you’ll be able to appreciate the connections the author makes between his essays and the narrative of grief in this novella.
I’m not especially hot on talking about different writing styles and formats (I’m just not that smart tbh) but this is very different to anything I’ve read before, with different sections and headings, some poetry, and even physical drawings rather than words at times. But the fact that I didn’t fully understand the reasons and originality of it in no way hindered my enjoyment (probably the wrong word when talking grief!) of this story.
This is a brutal and raw exploration of loss - and that most heartbreaking loss imaginable, of a child. It was devastating and at the same time utterly compelling. I’ve never felt a character’s emotions quite so powerfully whilst reading, and it’s amazing how much can be said in such a short novel. This just goes to show how versatile a writer Rao is.
January 17, 2022
I find that one of the attractions of reading Ms Rao's writing is the musical way the words play off the page. There is a rhythmic and melodic feel to her writing which draws the reader in and, in this case, the narrative explores the darker emotions of blame and guilt within a framework of Mahlerian angst whose own head '..throbbed with the problems of philosophy...'. Whilst Mahler was influenced by Lipiner, Ms Rao has used quotes from Roland Barthes to act as a bridge between the chapters and to stimulate our own thought processes in understanding what our narrator is thinking and experiencing.
The death of a child, whatever the circumstances, causes great grief and pain and Ms Rao enables us to not only feel that pain but share it with the father as he tries desperately to get on with his life. We are drawn in to his home, we meet his friends and his work colleagues, yet the impact of the constant reflecting on what has happened and consequent effect on his behaviour, relationships and decision making result in an ending that leaves many questions unanswered.
I actually found this book very difficult to put down. It is beautifully written, it draws you in and it gets you thinking!
The death of a child, whatever the circumstances, causes great grief and pain and Ms Rao enables us to not only feel that pain but share it with the father as he tries desperately to get on with his life. We are drawn in to his home, we meet his friends and his work colleagues, yet the impact of the constant reflecting on what has happened and consequent effect on his behaviour, relationships and decision making result in an ending that leaves many questions unanswered.
I actually found this book very difficult to put down. It is beautifully written, it draws you in and it gets you thinking!
December 1, 2021
While only 160 pages long, it took me over a week to finish this book because I wanted to really take my time with it. I found myself highlighting so many passages and taking the time to sit and let Ami's words wash over me. I enjoyed the quotes she used from Barthes and how they related to the situations occurring in the novella.
The subject matter is also something that gave me pause. I found that I couldn't sit with this for too long since it is mainly about grief. This is more something to dip in and out of when you're wanting something with a lot of substance.
Ami does a phenomenal job of grasping the pain that comes with grief, the debilitating nature of it. Our unnamed main character struggles with the violent loss of his daughter, a type of grief we all hope to never have to endure. The author handles this subject with grace and gives it the raw emotions it deserves. This coupled with her signature lyrical prose, and you know you have something special here.
Ami Rao is one of my favorite authors and she does the theme of grief justice in this heavy yet very important novella. I would highly recommend anything by her!
The subject matter is also something that gave me pause. I found that I couldn't sit with this for too long since it is mainly about grief. This is more something to dip in and out of when you're wanting something with a lot of substance.
Ami does a phenomenal job of grasping the pain that comes with grief, the debilitating nature of it. Our unnamed main character struggles with the violent loss of his daughter, a type of grief we all hope to never have to endure. The author handles this subject with grace and gives it the raw emotions it deserves. This coupled with her signature lyrical prose, and you know you have something special here.
Ami Rao is one of my favorite authors and she does the theme of grief justice in this heavy yet very important novella. I would highly recommend anything by her!
February 14, 2022
This was a short, quick read about grief. It reads like a journal; a father's struggle to manage the horrific loss of his daughter. I was expecting something a bit more nuanced. It's a literal-blow by blow description of grief and the aftermath of an unexpected loss of his teenage daughter.
But, it was also a commentary on grief and how it affects other people. People don't "want to know" or hear the details, or feel HIS pain. Grief is difficult for everyone. people don't know what to say, or provide comfort other than the trite, "sorry for your loss."
He struggles and attempts to return to 'normal, everyday life" and returns to work and is sent home.
He is distraught and cannot concentrate, feeling abandoned and left to 'deal with his grief' on his own,
He and his wife have difficulty discussing the tragedy, and to process the loss of their only child.
I would have preferred the Author expand on the narrative of processing grief, loss and to explore the impact it has, on those around him.
Alsways a pleasure to read Fairlight Books!
Thank you Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review this book.
jb/https://seniorbooklounge.blogspot.com/
But, it was also a commentary on grief and how it affects other people. People don't "want to know" or hear the details, or feel HIS pain. Grief is difficult for everyone. people don't know what to say, or provide comfort other than the trite, "sorry for your loss."
He struggles and attempts to return to 'normal, everyday life" and returns to work and is sent home.
He is distraught and cannot concentrate, feeling abandoned and left to 'deal with his grief' on his own,
He and his wife have difficulty discussing the tragedy, and to process the loss of their only child.
I would have preferred the Author expand on the narrative of processing grief, loss and to explore the impact it has, on those around him.
Alsways a pleasure to read Fairlight Books!
Thank you Netgalley for the opportunity to read and review this book.
jb/https://seniorbooklounge.blogspot.com/
August 26, 2022
This is such a powerful work. I have walked about for a days now with a deepening sense of loss and a lump in my throat. The loss is the central character's loss of his daughter which is so visceral in this short novel that it creates an intimacy between the reader and the character of the father that hurts. The father's grief is almost infectious - as love is. And the wonderfully clever use of Barthes and the fragmented narrative - indeed, everything conspires to communicate the falling apart of a person's life when something so utterly tragic occurs. This is not an easy read - emotionally I found it so draining - but it is an amazing piece of writing that lets you wander around in a man's deep grief, lets you understand the great magnitude of loss. I came away from this book holding a little tighter to the people I love.
January 16, 2023
This book is almost like a poem. A lengthy poem about a grieving father who (figuratively) sits with philosopher Roland Bathes and talks about his days after the sudden death of his 14-year-old daughter from a car accident. So many things in this book, in how the man grieves for his daughter and reacts to her death are things I've either personally experienced or know people in real life who did. Author Ami Rao tackles grief and loss poignantly in this small story where most characters, including the protagonist, remain unnamed until the end. It's such a great book that also subtly criticizes the Afghanistan war and the Iraq War by the west. I'm really a fan of this book now, and essentially the author too.
November 22, 2021
I was going to write a gushing review of this book however I feel I should write my review in the manner the book is written in.
I was worried this book was going to be a bit abstract and high brow however I was glad to be proven wrong.
It was simplistic in the most satisfying way.
Beautiful. Heartbreaking. Honest.
Thank you to the author, Netgalley and Fairlight Books for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I was worried this book was going to be a bit abstract and high brow however I was glad to be proven wrong.
It was simplistic in the most satisfying way.
Beautiful. Heartbreaking. Honest.
Thank you to the author, Netgalley and Fairlight Books for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.
March 5, 2022
I am not sure “loved” is the right way to describe how I feel about this book. It was powerful, visceral, moving, dark and deeply personal. The writing itself felt like a beautifully crafted work of art, layering into the overarching story; one of deep dark grief.
I was left reflecting on it for a long time afterwards…
I was left reflecting on it for a long time afterwards…
March 3, 2022
Complex, challenging and deeply moving, Ami Rao's experimental novella, Almost, captures the raw grief of a father's loss in a unique and truthful way. Original, intelligent and utterly humane, it stayed with me long after I'd finished reading.
June 7, 2023
I wrote about my thoughts on Almost for the Mechanic's Institute Review: http://mironline.org/reviewalmost/
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews