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When Life Hits Hard: How to Transcend Grief, Crisis, and Loss with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
Practical skills grounded in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to help you bounce back when life knocks you down. Whether it's the loss of a loved one or a job, the end of a relationship, a pandemic, or a natural disaster--nothing really prepares us for those moments when life hits hard and turns our world upside down. The good news is that you can move forward. There are tools you can use to find your way back from despair and live a fulfilling life. In this candid self-help guide, psychotherapist Russ Harris offers powerful and doable skills grounded in evidence-based ACT to help you recover from grief, loss, and crisis; transcend your pain and suffering; and build a rich and meaningful life--even in the face of adversity. You'll also find tools to help you deal with painful memories, create your own healing "grief rituals," and transform difficult emotions into unexpected allies. Finally, you'll learn how mindfulness and self-compassion can help keep you grounded, even when it seems like your world is in free fall. If you're ready to start building the resilience needed to heal from loss or thrive in the face adversity, this guide will show you how to get there, one step at a time.
224 pages, Paperback
Published August 1, 2021
137 people are currently reading
529 people want to read
About the author
Russ Harris
72 books622 followersDr Russ Harris is a medically-qualified doctor, stress consultant, executive coach, trainer, author, and a leading authority in the powerful new paradigm of Psychological Flexibility. (This is a revolutionary new development in human psychology that enhances performance, reduces stress, and improves health and wellbeing.) Dr Russ regularly presents workshops on Psychological Flexibility at both national and international psychology conferences, and has a thriving business traveling around Australia running training seminars for psychologists, coaches and a variety of health professionals.
Dr Russ's first book, 'The Happiness Trap', was published in Australia in March 2007, and is already well on the way to becoming a bestseller. (The title reflects a key theme in the book - that popular ideas about happiness are misleading, inaccurate, and actually make us miserable in the long term.) He is currently completing his second book 'From Fear To Fulfilment' - which is also the title of his most popular talk.
Back in the early nineties, when Russ was a GP in Melbourne, he moonlighted as a stand-up comedian, and as well as appearing regularly on the Melbourne comedy circuit, he featured on TV shows such as Tonight Live with Steve Vizard, and The Mid-Day Show with Ray Martin. As a result of this experience, his talks are fast-paced, engaging and humorous - as well as being action-packed with information, tools, and techniques for reducing stress, enhancing performance, and increasing vitality.
Dr Russ's first book, 'The Happiness Trap', was published in Australia in March 2007, and is already well on the way to becoming a bestseller. (The title reflects a key theme in the book - that popular ideas about happiness are misleading, inaccurate, and actually make us miserable in the long term.) He is currently completing his second book 'From Fear To Fulfilment' - which is also the title of his most popular talk.
Back in the early nineties, when Russ was a GP in Melbourne, he moonlighted as a stand-up comedian, and as well as appearing regularly on the Melbourne comedy circuit, he featured on TV shows such as Tonight Live with Steve Vizard, and The Mid-Day Show with Ray Martin. As a result of this experience, his talks are fast-paced, engaging and humorous - as well as being action-packed with information, tools, and techniques for reducing stress, enhancing performance, and increasing vitality.
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
August 4, 2021
When Life Hits Hard by Russ Harris draws on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to explore dealing with grief. I’m a big fan of the author based on his other writings about ACT, and this book didn’t disappoint.
The book is divided into three sections: regroup, rebuild, and revitalize. Grief is framed as a process rather than emotion, and that process occurs in different ways for different people. The book isn’t so much about changing that process as smoothing the way.
The author explains that we can’t control the past, future, or other people, and “we definitely can’t control our thoughts and feelings.” He’s very realistic and anti-toxic positivity, saying that your loss isn’t a gift, and pain isn’t going to vanish because you “somehow magically replace them with joy and happiness.” Preach! I like the ACT approach of allowing thoughts and feelings rather than trying to grapple them.
He explains what self-compassion is and isn’t, and why it’s important. He also acknowledges that it’s not easy at first, and offers suggestions to practice, including going back and offering compassion to your past self.
Metaphors are used a lot in ACT to capture important concepts. To illustrate the importance of feeling the whole range of emotions, Harris likens feelings to the weather. He pointed out how much it would limit your life if you could only do/be what you really wanted on days with good weather.
Anchor-dropping is a technique that’s frequently referred to throughout out the book. It involves acknowledging your thoughts/feelings, connecting with your body, and engaging in what you’re doing. This is to keep you centred, not to make problems go away; after all, “anchors don’t control storms.”
The book address psychological smog, an ACT concept that refers to all the mental pollution that we create that clouds up our inner world. Mindfulness and getting unhooked from thoughts are presented as a way to cut through the smog with openness, curiosity, and flexibility.
Values are another important concept in ACT, and in this book, they’re used as a way to orient yourself in moving forward. Harris also suggests looking at what you want to contribute rather than what you want to get out of life, which I thought was an interesting way of reframing.
Regarding behaviour change, I think Harris is spot on. “Whoever said ‘practice makes perfect’ was deluded. There’s no such thing as perfection. Practice will help you establish better life skills, but it won’t permanently eliminate self-defeating behaviors. You (and I, and everyone else on this planet) will screw up, make mistakes, and, at times, fall back into old habits. This will happen repeatedly.”
I’m a fan of ACT, I’m a fan of Russ Harris, and I’m a fan of this book. It’s genuine, it’s real, and there’s no BS. Exactly the way I like it.
I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.
The book is divided into three sections: regroup, rebuild, and revitalize. Grief is framed as a process rather than emotion, and that process occurs in different ways for different people. The book isn’t so much about changing that process as smoothing the way.
The author explains that we can’t control the past, future, or other people, and “we definitely can’t control our thoughts and feelings.” He’s very realistic and anti-toxic positivity, saying that your loss isn’t a gift, and pain isn’t going to vanish because you “somehow magically replace them with joy and happiness.” Preach! I like the ACT approach of allowing thoughts and feelings rather than trying to grapple them.
He explains what self-compassion is and isn’t, and why it’s important. He also acknowledges that it’s not easy at first, and offers suggestions to practice, including going back and offering compassion to your past self.
Metaphors are used a lot in ACT to capture important concepts. To illustrate the importance of feeling the whole range of emotions, Harris likens feelings to the weather. He pointed out how much it would limit your life if you could only do/be what you really wanted on days with good weather.
Anchor-dropping is a technique that’s frequently referred to throughout out the book. It involves acknowledging your thoughts/feelings, connecting with your body, and engaging in what you’re doing. This is to keep you centred, not to make problems go away; after all, “anchors don’t control storms.”
The book address psychological smog, an ACT concept that refers to all the mental pollution that we create that clouds up our inner world. Mindfulness and getting unhooked from thoughts are presented as a way to cut through the smog with openness, curiosity, and flexibility.
Values are another important concept in ACT, and in this book, they’re used as a way to orient yourself in moving forward. Harris also suggests looking at what you want to contribute rather than what you want to get out of life, which I thought was an interesting way of reframing.
Regarding behaviour change, I think Harris is spot on. “Whoever said ‘practice makes perfect’ was deluded. There’s no such thing as perfection. Practice will help you establish better life skills, but it won’t permanently eliminate self-defeating behaviors. You (and I, and everyone else on this planet) will screw up, make mistakes, and, at times, fall back into old habits. This will happen repeatedly.”
I’m a fan of ACT, I’m a fan of Russ Harris, and I’m a fan of this book. It’s genuine, it’s real, and there’s no BS. Exactly the way I like it.
I received a reviewer copy from the publisher through Netgalley.
June 21, 2022
Great info and reinforcement for ACT therapy
September 29, 2021
Useful tools to help us all deal with the inevitable hardships in life
Dealing with grief, facing crises and dealing with losses of various kinds are sadly things that each of us will have to face on our journeys through life. We’re all different and no two people will respond in the same way to the same loss or challenge. ACT gives us a tool we can use with the aid of a therapist or to help ourselves and this makes it particularly useful.
While the book focusses on crisis points in life Russ has combined ACT with mindfulness to give us useful techniques that can be applied to many issues. We can all add these to our personal toolkits and use them to smooth our way through the ups and downs we have to cope with on a daily basis. I would go so far as to say that these pearls of wisdom could be distilled down into bite sized chunks which could be taught to children to set them up for life.
I was given this book from the author via netgalley only for the pleasure of reading and leaving an honest review should I choose to.
Dealing with grief, facing crises and dealing with losses of various kinds are sadly things that each of us will have to face on our journeys through life. We’re all different and no two people will respond in the same way to the same loss or challenge. ACT gives us a tool we can use with the aid of a therapist or to help ourselves and this makes it particularly useful.
While the book focusses on crisis points in life Russ has combined ACT with mindfulness to give us useful techniques that can be applied to many issues. We can all add these to our personal toolkits and use them to smooth our way through the ups and downs we have to cope with on a daily basis. I would go so far as to say that these pearls of wisdom could be distilled down into bite sized chunks which could be taught to children to set them up for life.
I was given this book from the author via netgalley only for the pleasure of reading and leaving an honest review should I choose to.
May 20, 2025
My psych recommended this book 4 years ago but like a lot of homework your therapist gives you, sometimes it only gets done when it gets done.
A summary: be kind to yourself, look at your emotions with curiosity and live to your values. Self-help is a strange book category but this one did help me a lot. Loss and subsequent suffering is inevitable, but the techniques described saved me a few spirals.
“If we want to thrive in the face of loss, the best option is to open ourselves to life as it is in this moment and to stand for something that matters deep in our heart.”
A summary: be kind to yourself, look at your emotions with curiosity and live to your values. Self-help is a strange book category but this one did help me a lot. Loss and subsequent suffering is inevitable, but the techniques described saved me a few spirals.
“The more we reflect on the privilege of human emotion - that we get to care and to feel in so many different ways - the more we can appreciate all our emotions. But this privilege doesn’t come without a price. With passion comes pain. With caring comes loss. With wonder comes fear and dread.”
July 9, 2021
This excellent book about grief is fortunately not for everyone, but for those of us who have experienced a life-changing loss, it is so affirming, so helpful, that I recommend it unreservedly. Following the devastating death from cancer of my 28 year old son, I sought help from various sources. The Bible, friends, mental health professionals. This book, THIS BOOK, helped me. In a compassionate and uplifting way, the author explains what you are feeling, why you are not alone, and how to continue to survive in the face of loss. I turned around and read this book again, cover to cover, as soon as I finished it.
I received an ARC at no charge from NetGalley and the author, but all opinions are my own.
I received an ARC at no charge from NetGalley and the author, but all opinions are my own.
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October 6, 2021Russ's book " When Life Hits Hard" is based on ACT's approach to life itself, particularly Grief. Grief is an inevitable part of life. Life is complex and beautiful at the same time. We humans do not usually hold both polarities well.
The ability to hold the Grief as a very complex constellation of emotions and hold whatever other feelings the present moment invites is what ACT (Acceptance Commitment therapy) teaches us how to do.
The timing when this book was published is perfect. We are all collectively experiencing Grief. We all lost the world we used to know.
I highly recommend reading this excellent book for curious and brave people who would like to learn how to hold pain and joy with equanimity and even further how to grow from pain.
The ability to hold the Grief as a very complex constellation of emotions and hold whatever other feelings the present moment invites is what ACT (Acceptance Commitment therapy) teaches us how to do.
The timing when this book was published is perfect. We are all collectively experiencing Grief. We all lost the world we used to know.
I highly recommend reading this excellent book for curious and brave people who would like to learn how to hold pain and joy with equanimity and even further how to grow from pain.
November 24, 2025
This book didn’t introduce brand-new ideas to me — and that’s exactly why it was so helpful. Russ Harris has a way of bringing familiar tools into sharp focus at the moments you need them most. His writing is clear, practical, and steady, and it reminded me of all the coping strategies I already had at my disposal but couldn’t always access when I was deep in grief and uncertainty.
Instead of trying to push emotions away, Harris shows you how to make room for them, breathe through them, and still move forward. It’s the kind of book that gently puts your feet back on the ground. I found myself nodding, exhaling, and thinking: “Right. I know how to do this.”
If you’re going through something overwhelming — or supporting someone who is — this book is a solid companion.
Instead of trying to push emotions away, Harris shows you how to make room for them, breathe through them, and still move forward. It’s the kind of book that gently puts your feet back on the ground. I found myself nodding, exhaling, and thinking: “Right. I know how to do this.”
If you’re going through something overwhelming — or supporting someone who is — this book is a solid companion.
September 27, 2022
It annoys me when authors disguise memoirs as “self-help” books. Harris took a psychotherapy concept and watered it down so much that it became tedious, burdensome, and annoying to read. His tone made me feel like a toddler.
Very unfortunate, since acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) in psychology is a useful and powerful form of psychotherapy, if taught the right way.
Maybe you’ll like his tone, but I sure didn’t.
Very unfortunate, since acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) in psychology is a useful and powerful form of psychotherapy, if taught the right way.
Maybe you’ll like his tone, but I sure didn’t.
June 30, 2023
A kind and practical guide, based on acceptance and commitment therapy. I am quite familiar with ACT and find it extremely helpful in my life. This book concentrates on times of crisis: a death, divorce, health, challenge, etc. The focus begins simply with being kind to oneself, and learning to steady yourself in times of emotional overwhelm. After that, it’s a journey of figuring out what matters, and how to move forward again after loss.
Read
February 19, 2024Excellent introduction to ACT. I’ve been much more familiar with CBT, and I appreciate the way that this is simpler. And maybe more realistic. I think blending the two methods might be the key for me.
I read this as part of a book club, and appreciated the exercises and meditations that came out of it. I think that the title is a bit misleading, though. This isn’t a book just for when something terrible happens, but for when all the little things happen.
I read this as part of a book club, and appreciated the exercises and meditations that came out of it. I think that the title is a bit misleading, though. This isn’t a book just for when something terrible happens, but for when all the little things happen.
July 11, 2021
Russ Harris is known for his support books, and I have read another one, which I found great, too. When Life Hits Hard is a great book, particularly for those suffering from grief, loss, or another huge event which has impacted on their life. The book has useful strategies and examples for finding your way out, or at least understanding how you're feeling. I really recommend this book.
August 3, 2022
تعریفی که از مغز داره خیلی درسته و واقعا حسش میکنم. انگار حالا بهتر فرآیند مغزمو میشناسم و بهتر میتونم به خودم کمک کنم و شاید کمتر اورتینک کنم. هوپفولی!
پ.ن: هیچی بهتر از این نیس که یه کتاب بخونی و پول بگیری:*
پ.ن: هیچی بهتر از این نیس که یه کتاب بخونی و پول بگیری:*
June 15, 2024
Very practical and full of useful exercises and metaphors. Some could say it misses in explaning the depth of grief, but if you are looking for pragmatic guide on how to acknowledge your pain and loss, and then slowly move forward - this is a good choice.
July 12, 2024
Like how Russ presents that ACT tools. Very relatable and usable. Can’t get rid of thoughts. How to be with them with compassion. Game changer. I like his other work too. This one is more geared toward grief.
October 13, 2025
You can relate to all the problems & the struggles, and this helps with dealing it based on the comforting knowledge you arent "suffering" alone, but all the "techniques" & "exercises" and such stuff unfortunately don't help much since we don't live in an "ideallic" world.
July 4, 2022
Great evolution
This is the right book for the nonpractioner. It combines the best of CBT, DBT and mindfulness. perfect for everyone who has experienced any level of trauma.
This is the right book for the nonpractioner. It combines the best of CBT, DBT and mindfulness. perfect for everyone who has experienced any level of trauma.
September 10, 2022
Lots of strategies to deal with the inevitable emotional pain that comes with living our lives. Some I had read before and was glad to be reminded of again and others that were new to me.
May 26, 2023
Great book on how to apply acceptance and commitment therapy to hard situations that come up in life.
September 24, 2023
Really helpful book based on Acceptance and Commitment therapy principles on grief. Very readable and very real, not a lot of psychology jargon here.
November 30, 2024
Maybe wasn't the best time to read, my attention span was limited and did my best to get thru it.
June 24, 2025
I really enjoyed this book and normally don’t enjoy self help type books. Worth the read
August 19, 2021
One of the best "self-help" books I have ever read. No BS. Evidence-based and compassionate. Really everyone should read this before life hits hard so to be better prepared (although we all want to pretend it won't happen to us).
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews