Chatter: The Voice in Our Head and How to Harness It

by Ethan Kross

NATIONAL BESTSELLER • An award-winning psychologist reveals the hidden power of our inner voice and shows how to harness it to combat anxiety, improve physical and mental health, and deepen our relationships with others.

LONGLISTED FOR THE PORCHLIGHT BUSINESS BOOK AWARD • “A masterpiece.”—Angela Duckworth, bestselling author of Grit • Malcolm Gladwell, Susan Cain, Adam Grant, and Daniel H. Pink’s Next Big Idea Club Winter 2021 Winning Selection

One of the best new books of the year—The Washington Post, BBC, USA Today, CNN Underscored, Shape, Behavioral Scientist, PopSugar • Kirkus Reviews, Publishers Weekly, and Shelf Awareness starred reviews

Is talking to yourself normal? The truth is that we all have a voice in our head. When we talk to ourselves, we often hope to tap into our inner coach but find our inner critic instead. When we’re facing a tough task, our inner coach can buoy us up: Focus—you can do this. But, just as often, our inner critic sinks us entirely: I’m going to fail. They’ll all laugh at me. What’s the use?

In Chatter, acclaimed psychologist Ethan Kross explores the silent conversations we have with ourselves. Interweaving groundbreaking behavioral and brain research from his own lab with real-world case studies—from a pitcher who forgets how to pitch, to a Harvard undergrad negotiating her double life as a spy—Kross explains how these conversations shape our lives, work, and relationships. He warns that giving in to negative and disorienting self-talk—what he calls “chatter”—can tank our health, sink our moods, strain our social connections, and cause us to fold under pressure.

But the good news is that we’re already equipped with the tools we need to make our inner voice work in our favor. These tools are often hidden in plain sight—in the words we use to think about ourselves, the technologies we embrace, the diaries we keep in our drawers, the conversations we have with our loved ones, and the cultures we create in our schools and workplaces.

Brilliantly argued, expertly researched, and filled with compelling stories, Chatter gives us the power to change the most important conversation we have each day: the one we have with ourselves.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Audiobook, Science, Mental Health, Personal Development

256 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 26, 2021

About the author

Ethan Kross, PhD, is one of the world's leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. An award-winning professor at the University of Michigan and the Ross School of Business, he is the director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. He has participated in policy discussion at the White House and has been interviewed on CBS Evening News, Good Morning America, and NPR's Morning Edition. His pioneering research has been featured in The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, The New England Journal of Medicine, and Science. He completed his BA at the University of Pennsylvania and his PhD at Columbia University.

Reviews

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audiobook...read by the author: Ethan Kristen...5 hours and 44 minutes

***INNER THOUGHTS ARE LIKE A CARNIVAL RIDE THAT ONE CAN’T GET OFF*** 🎡🎢

“Chatter”....was worth reading.
I honestly thought I was a pro — ( haha, not ‘too’ egotistical here), on the workings of our inner voice...( especially the critic: that little voice inside our heads that loves to be an ugly-mean-not-nice-machine)....
But....I was humbled. I learned a lot. I was re-affirmed that the inner workings of chatter — (the hidden mechanics of ‘Chatter’ is pretty much pressed ‘on’ high gear all the time....and at the very least, human beings spend a minimum of a third of their lives not being present).

Professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, debut author, Ethan Kross brings us hot-off-the-press-up-to-date data, understandings, and a few stories to drive home examples of what happens when we talk to ourselves.

It’s a wonderful 5 hour-ish listen. There is plenty to contemplate, discuss, reflect, and learn.
Kross examines - explains - brings awareness to new thought. He gives us tools for our toolbox to most effectively manage our ‘chatter’.

A few tidbits to anticipate, examine, meditate, cogitate about, brood over, muse over, kick around, and conceptualize are:

......did you realize that the link between physical and emotional pain were much more connected then at one point previously assumed?

..... why can some people look at their inner voice and gain strength, while others feel powerless, imperfect, and knocked down?

..... when was the last time you examined your voice? When was the last time you thought about new ways to relate to your voice positively? ...rather than listening to the repetitive negativity?

.....introspection means actively paying attention to one’s own thoughts and feelings. Going inside ourselves contributes to more fulfilling life.

..... The negative aspects of chatter can turn our inner introspection into a turmoil about decision-making, relationships, health, problems at work, etc.

.....Kross begins to give us tips of how to look at our inner coach, rather than our inner critic. Why does going inside with our inner thoughts sometimes bring success, while other times complete failure? What’s the mechanism for the science?

..... what can we do, when we find our our inner thoughts are running off course? Feelings of anxiety, dizzy, off-balance, frustrated, unsettled, insecure, etc.?

.....Ethan talked about the modern popularity of BE HERE NOW: staying in the present. As a scientist, Ethan Kross ( with his many studies and findings), .... it turns out that actually BE HERE NOW is counterproductive to what really happens. It’s just not that easy for the brain to evolve in BE PRESENT NOW ( you silly worm)....
Our brains just don’t work that way naturally… Giving us another reason to beat ourselves up because we can’t seem to be able to do it for long periods of time. Oh there are some tips and some tricks which Kross will share.... but for goodness sake,it’s not the natural state of our minds.

.... as naturally as we breathe, we disconnect from the here and now. Kross names it: “Our Default State”.

.....Our inner voice is a very fast talker. It’s a ‘basic feature’ of the mind.
Often our chatter gets louder when we least need it to be. When we are dealing with difficult emotions, a constant rehashing of old events, dialogue with ourselves, and rambling of various thoughts....run on and on and on..... again, being counterproductive. The InterVoice can get fixated on one specific topic, and it can sabotage us.

.....Before Kross takes us through the positive and negative ways chatter affects our lives emotionally, and physically, he teaches us how to control the voice in our head ......explaining to us the need to ‘understand’ why we have an inner voice.

.....We zoom in. We zoom out. Our chatter can poison us....and they can heal us. When we lose perspective, the negative side of the voice just takes over. Negative emotions can be so intense that they create physical problems. Again.....Kross shows us other ways to gain a wider view in perspective and constructive ways. The mind is flexible if we know how to manage it. It has a psychological distance...but when emotional chatter is taking over, it requires some practice to manage the psychological distance in a healthy way.

..... I loved one of the examples he shared about going to the movies. When we go to the movies to distract ourselves from our pain.... The problems are still there when we come out of the movies. The negative feelings remain waiting to be activated again.
Lucky us....Kross discusses how we can begin to make smarter choices to support our physical and emotional health.
He has shiny new tools we can add to our toolbox.

.....This review is getting as long as the book....kidding!!
There’s some wonderful stories... and honestly wonderful tips.

..... I could write pages more. I actually really like this whole topic.. Old memories came back to me .... situations that I found myself in....my own chatter stories visited me while reading this book ....
I noticed when venting a problem didn’t work...when it did. There are some *Golden* examples about the pros and cons of sharing specific details of a painful emotion/ event to a friend.

....A HUGE TAKE-AWAY for parents: ( the book will explain more)....provide a GREEN EXPERIENCE....OFTEN. When children are not exposed to nature, regularly, there’s a 50% more chance that they will experience depression and anxiety when they are adults.

Loved this book more than I thought! I feel refresh and restored .... I understand the value for reducing negative chatter and stress in our lives.

Hallelujah! Thank you Ethan Kross

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 rounded to 5 stars

Over the last year I have been drawn to memoirs and contemporary fiction with psychological themes. I believe this book is the first psychologically themed book I’ve read from self-help department. You know that chatterbox, that inner voice you have that seems to make your life miserable? Yeah, that. It is particularly chatty in introverts who spend a lot of time in their heads like me. Wouldn’t you love a way to just shut it up seeing as it’s generally a glass half empty yapper? If so, then you should pick up this book. It gives you a ton of ways to squelch the miserable totally unhelpful demoralizing blather coming from that inner voice.

Ethan Kross, PhD, is a worldwide researcher and expert on controlling the conscious mind. He is currently a psychology professor at the University of Michigan where he is director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. In Chatter, he uses research studies (his and other scholars’) focusing on the brain and human behavior and real-life experiences of famous and unfamous people to weave together a most compelling treatise on how to gain control over that inner voice, turning it from being a negative critic into a helpful coach.

I was amazed at all the ways chatter can be corralled. And not just corralled but turned into something beneficial. Just corralling with a technique like mindfulness can turn off the negative thoughts for a while, but nothing really gets resolved. Dr. Kross teaches us how to corral AND convert that voice into a valuable constructive ally. Even though this was a Libby App book, I was highlighting like crazy as this stuff is so good. When I had to return the e-book I decided I needed to download my own copy from Amazon as I’m sure I will refer to it time and again.

Another bonus in owning the book is there is a chapter entitled The Tools at the end. All the principles, tools, and techniques taught in how to turn spirals of negativity into clear and constructive thoughts are listed together in this section. The techniques are subdivided into those you can implement with yourself, tools that involve other people, and approaches that involve the environment. Some of the tools are tougher to pull off. For example, when you are in the heat of an argument, you have little time to journal about it or visualize being a neutral fly on the wall. The tools are thus listed in order of easiest/fastest to implement. My favorite is one of the fast ones—turn the chatter into 2nd or 3rd person using my name instead of “me” or “I.” It helps you zoom out from your inner voice and think more like a problem-solver not for yourself but for someone else. I can say to myself, “Chris, that’s ridiculous thinking—what would you think Jean should do if this was her situation and not yours?” Try it. It works!

This is a read that requires you to pay attention. One half star off for that as I’m sometimes lazy when I read and then it’s work to pay attention. Five stars for content, however. I am definitely rounding up as content trumps my own inherent laziness. I highly recommend Chatter for everyone as everyone has that blasted inner voice.

[Laura Hutchinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helpful info for an anxious soul like me! Fascinating to learn of the science behind my own 'inner voice' and what I can do to stop the negative spiralling that seems to happen so often. I have tried to use some of these techniques over the past week or so and surprised myself when they actually worked! 4.5 stars from me, not because the content was lacking but just my own personal experience with it – this is quite an academic read, which I am not used to, and at times I found it really hard to concentrate. Right when I was thinking 'I hope someone makes a dot point summary of this so I don't forget' I discovered the back section is a fantastic, categorised summary of practical tips for handling my own inner voice, being a support to the people around me coping with 'chatter' and how to adjust my lifestyle to prevent that negative-spiral taking over unnecessarily. I am SO GRATEFUL for intelligent people like Dr Ethan Kross. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM

Disclaimer: I was able to read this book early as an advanced reading copy because I work in the publishing industry in Australia.

[mina]

Chatter is probably the best “self help” book on how to deal with anxiety I’ve read so far. Some of the tools I was already familiar with/subconsciously already doing, but reading about the studies and examples that make these tools so successful was really helpful in motivating me to put them into practice more often.

Also, very grateful there’s a summary at the end with all the advice, because I didn’t take notes while reading 🥲.

[Tracy Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fine, but no big insights. Reinforcement of what I already knew. Too surface level. My worrying is too strong for the basic tricks this book provides. And I’m more interested right now in learning to be motivated by my discomfort to make life changes, not to just relieve the bad feelings. Still, there were some good strategies and some genuinely helpful information about nature and green spaces.

[MMC1 · Rating 2 out of 5]

Did not finish reading....I got about 3/4 of the way thru this book and decided to stop. It started out really well and I thought "oh great, a book by a scientist that is readable and accessible, this will be great." Well....it did start out great, with a personal anecdote by the author himself retelling his experience with letting the chatter in his head get to him and he himself studies this stuff in his lab! I thought, wow, this will be insightful! Hmmmm, it was in the beginning, but then it veered off into too many descriptions of experiments with college students and how they were testing different aspects of how situations affect the inside chatter in your head and it got dry real fast. It was interspersed with examples of well known people/celebrities' stories from the news that you may be familiar with but then veered off into the experiments again. My biggest comment is that to me it didn't offer enough practical advice to be useful. It described what these experiments were trying to prove and how they could help you, but then fell short of actually explaining how to put their conclusions into action.

The last quarter of the book called "Tools" where he finally tells you how these experiments can help you in your daily life were not useful to me and in frustration I didn't even bother to finish it. He gave no concrete examples of how to apply it in daily life. He just summarized the experiments and then listed what they should do for you without really giving examples of how to put it in practice. At least that was my assessment of the end of the book. I would have preferred to see at the end of each chapter the practical tips regarding the experiments in each chapter with anecdotal paragraphs of how you could put it to use not having to wait until the end of the book when I was no longer interested.

[Hamad · Rating 4 out of 5]

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Actual Rating: 3.75 Stars
June's Non-Fiction book of the month!

“However it manifests itself, when the inner voice runs amok and chatter takes the mental microphone, our mind not only torments but paralyzes us. It can also lead us to do things that sabotage us.”

I am going to start the review by thanking my friend Aadi for the recommendation. The book wasn’t actually on my Radar until they told me about it and since I am a fan of psychology and science I got a copy ASAP and read it immediately.

The last few months have been some of the strangest in my life and I had so much chatter in my brain to the degree it was depressing. I am naturally an anxious person and I am always overthinking and I thought this book might help me. I tried some of the techniques and I can say they helped me a bit but those are things that should be integrated into the life style so seeing actual results will surely take more time.

The writing is very digestible, it is a scientific book without being flooded with all the weird jargon. I think it is a book that could be read by all people! I just expected to have material, like what is the origin of that voice and why do some people not have it (not pathologically) and readers should be aware that there’s a notes section (like references) and it is about 30% of the book length so the actual material is not that long.

I liked some of the examples and psychological theories explained. There was one point I really liked that “a robust body of new research has demonstrated that when we experience distress, engaging in introspection often does significantly more harm than good.” And I think I am gonna implement that more in my life.

“our inner voice can be both a liability and an asset. The words streaming through our heads can unravel us, but they can also drive us toward meaningful accomplishments…if we know how to control them.”

Summary: I enjoyed the book and I think it could be helpful when the theory is applied which is harder than it sounds. The book itself was easy to read and not that long given the notes length. There was a good summary at the end which I loved and I think all non-fiction book should have!

[JJ Khodadadi · Rating 3 out of 5]

اگر شما به یک غریبه بگویید که با خودتان صحبت می‌کنید، به احتمال زیاد مورد تمسخر قرار می‌گیرید یا در بهترین حالت به شما توصیه می‌کنند که به یک مشاور روانشناس مراجعه کنید. اما این در صورتی است که در ذهن همه ما سر و صداهایی وجود دارد. هنگامی که ما فکر می‌کنیم، در حقیقت داریم با خودمان صحبت می‌کنیم. شاید این نکته را فلاسفه قرن‌ها پیش از میلاد مسیح در یونان به خوبی دریافته بودند و از همین جهت بود که می‌گفتند زبان و تفکر دو روی یک سکه هستند!

مقدمه
فصل اول: چرا با خود صحبت می‌‌کنیم
فصل دوم: وقتی صحبت با خود، به ضررمان تمام می‌شود
فصل سوم: زوم اوت
فصل چهارم: وقتی من، تو می‌‌شود
فصل پنجم: قدرت ویرانگری دیگران
فصل ششم: از بیرون به درون
فصل هفتم: جادوی ذهن
ابزار

[Cari · Rating 5 out of 5]

A helpful, practical read for those of us who struggle with the voice in our head talking All. The. Time. Kross, a professor at the University of Michigan, explains that all of us have a voice in our head, and that it evolved for a purpose, to help keep us safe. It helps us solve problems and maintain a rich inner life--we just have to learn to keep it at bay. I am wondering if some people perceive that voice differently, because my husband insists he does not have a voice talking to him all day. Maybe he doesn't hear it as words, I don't know, but I have the inner monologue going constantly. It helped to read about why this inner voice exists and how we can give it a purpose. In my mindfulness practice, we talk a lot about leaning into a thought or leaning out of it, and this book gives us a lot of tools for fine-tuning the amount of distance you want from that mental talk. You want to be close enough to engage with it if you need it, but far away enough to view it with controlled emotion. Kross also talks about how to engage with others who are struggling with mental talk. As he describes it, we need both the empathy and comfort of Kirk and the logical mindset of Spock when we are trying to help others. I like that analogy and will be thinking about that as I work with both my own thoughts and those of others.

[Dream.M · Rating 3 out of 5]

خببب من خلاصه صوتی این کتابو که اِی_آی تولید کرده بود رو گوش دادم (البته امیرحسین زحمتش رو کشیده و در چنلش هم گذاشته. اطمینان کامل هم داد که خلاصه کاملا درست و جامعی هم هست) و بخاطر همینم فکر کردم باحاله از خود اِی_آی بخوام براش یه جمعبندی بنویسه و اینجا بذارم :)
اما اگه نظر خودمو بخوام بگم، کتاب جالبیه و من حس کردم میتونه مکمل خوبی برای "چرا گورخرها زخم معده نمی‌گیرند " باشه. از نظر رویکرد و روشمندی کاملا متفاوت هستن_یکی بیولوژیکی و دیگری روان‌شناختی _ ولی در نهایت هردو دارن یک مسله رو بررسی میکنن و اونهم استرس و اضطراب هستش. اگه توی گورخرها فهمیدیم استرس چیه و چطور روی بدن‌مون تاثیر میذاره، توی چتر می‌فهمیم چطور می‌تونیم با قدم های کوچیک و عملی اونو کنترل کنیم یا حداقل کمترش کنیم بنوعی.
خب و اینم جمعبندی chat gpt:


تحلیل علمی کتاب Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It

نویسنده: ایتان کراس (Ethan Kross)
موضوع: روان‌شناسی شناختیِ گفت‌وگوی درونی و تنظیم هیجان

ایتان کراس در این اثر، پدیده‌ی «گفت‌وگوی درونی» (inner speech) را از منظر روان‌شناسی شناختی و علوم اعصاب بررسی می‌کند. او استدلال می‌کند که صدای درونی انسان، برخلاف تلقی عامیانه که آن را نشانه‌ای از اضطراب یا ناپایداری روانی می‌داند، یکی از بنیادی‌ترین سازوکارهای ذهن برای پردازش اطلاعات، تصمیم‌گیری، و خودتنظیمی هیجانی است.

با این حال، در شرایط استرس‌زا یا زمانی که ذهن درگیر افکار نشخوارگونه می‌شود، همین سازوکار می‌تواند به منبعی از آشفتگی ذهنی و تخریب هیجانی تبدیل گردد؛ وضعیتی که کراس از آن با عنوان چتر ذهنی (Chatter) یاد می‌کند.
در چنین حالتی، گفت‌وگوی درونی از ابزار هدایت شناختی به جریان مداومی از خودانتقادی، بازپخش خطاها و پیش‌بینی‌های فاجعه‌آمیز بدل می‌شود.


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🔍 ده راهبرد علمی برای مدیریت چتر ذهنی

۱. بازشناسی خودگویی به عنوان کارکرد شناختی

گفت‌وگو با خود، نوعی فرایند فرادانشی (metacognitive process) است که به سازمان‌دهی افکار و حافظه‌ی کاری کمک می‌کند.
💡 به‌کارگیری خودگویی حمایتی (supportive self-talk) در موقعیت‌های استرس‌زا، عملکرد اجرایی مغز را تقویت می‌کند.


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۲. فاصله‌گذاری روانی (Psychological Distancing)

به‌کارگیری ضمیر سوم‌شخص در خودخطاب‌گری، موجب فعال شدن نواحی قشر پیش‌پیشانی جانبی و کاهش فعالیت آمیگدال می‌شود؛ این فرایند توانایی تنظیم شناختی هیجان را افزایش می‌دهد.
💡 گفتنِ «[نام خود] دارد از مرحله‌ی دشواری عبور می‌کند» به‌جای «من شکست خوردم» نوعی بازچارچوب‌سازی شناختی است.


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۳. تنظیم از طریق تماس با طبیعت (Exposure to Natural Environments)

یافته‌های عصب‌شناختی نشان می‌دهند که مواجهه‌ی بصری با الگوهای طبیعی، فعالیت شبکه‌ی حالت پیش‌فرض (default mode network) را کاهش داده و آرامش شناختی ایجاد می‌کند.


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۴. نوشتار بیانی (Expressive Writing)

نوشتنِ هدفمند درباره‌ی تجربه‌های هیجانی، باعث انتقال حافظه از نظام هیجانی به حافظه‌ی معنایی می‌شود؛ این فرایند آشفتگی عاطفی را به بازنمایی زبانی و قابل‌تحلیل تبدیل می‌کند.


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۵. دیدگاه کلان‌مدت (Temporal Reframing)

در روان‌شناسی مثبت‌گرا، «بُعد زمانی آینده‌نگر» ابزار مهمی برای کاهش سوگیری آنی است. پرسش از خود مبنی بر «اهمیت این مسئله در آینده» موجب بازتنظیم هیجان از سطح واکنشی به سطح شناختی می‌شود.


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۶. اثر نظم محیطی بر کنترل شناختی

نظم فیزیکی محیط، با کاهش بار شناختی (cognitive load)، منجر به بهبود تمرکز و کاهش نشخوار ذهنی می‌شود. مطالعات نشان داده‌اند که محیط آشفته، سطح کورتیزول و استرس ادراک‌شده را افزایش می‌دهد.


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۷. تنظیم اجتماعی هیجان (Social Regulation of Emotion)

گفت‌وگو با فردی که شنونده‌ی فعال و بدون قضاوت است، از طریق فرآیند هم‌تنظیمی (co-regulation)، موجب کاهش برانگیختگی فیزیولوژیکی و بازیابی تعادل هیجانی می‌شود.


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۸. بازتعریف گفت‌وگوی درونی (Inner Voice Reappraisal)

تحلیل کیفی داده‌ها نشان می‌دهد که افراد می‌توانند از طریق بازسازی معنایی، لحن گفت‌وگوی درونی خود را از خودانتقادی به خودشفقتی تبدیل کنند. این فرایند مشابه مفهوم «خوددلسوزی» در نظریه‌ی کریستین نف است.


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۹. آیین‌مندی (Ritualization) و ثبات شناختی

رفتارهای آیینی، به‌ویژه در شرایط بی‌ثباتی هیجانی، نوعی ساختار قابل‌پیش‌بینی فراهم می‌کنند که به سیستم عصبی-خودکار حس کنترل بازمی‌گرداند. آیین‌های کوچک روزانه، همچون آماده‌سازی قهوه یا نظم صبحگاهی، لنگر ذهنی ایجاد می‌کنند.


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۱۰. پذیرش و مدیریت، نه سرکوب (Acceptance over Suppression)

هدف نهایی، خاموش کردن گفت‌وگوی درونی نیست؛ بلکه تبدیل آن به سازوکار آگاهانه‌ی خودتنظیمی است. سرکوب شناختی اغلب منجر به بازگشت قوی‌تر افکار می‌شود (اثر بازگشت وگنر)، در حالی‌که مشاهده‌ی آگاهانه موجب ادغام هیجانی و کاهش چتر ذهنی است.


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🧩 نتیجه‌گیری علمی

از منظر علوم اعصاب، «چتر ذهنی» بازتابی از فعالیت بیش‌ازحد شبکه‌ی حالت پیش‌فرض و ناکارآمدی در مهار قشر پیش‌پیشانی است.
راهبردهایی که کراس ارائه می‌کند — از جمله فاصله‌گذاری ذهنی، نوشتار بیانی، آیین‌مندی و تماس با طبیعت — همگی در راستای بازگرداندن تعادل میان سیستم شناختی کنترل و سیستم هیجانی واکنشی عمل می‌کنند.

در نتیجه، صدای درونی نه باید خاموش شود و نه نادیده گرفته شود؛ بلکه باید به ابزار متفکرانه‌ی خودآگاهی بدل گردد — صدایی که به‌جای نقد و اضطراب، راهنمای شناخت و رشد شخصی باشد.

[8stitches 9lives · Rating 5 out of 5]

Award-winning psychologist Ethan Kross explores the importance of the inner voice within our daily lives. Tell a stranger that you talk to yourself, and you’re likely to get written off as eccentric. But the truth is that we all have a voice in our head. When we talk to ourselves, we often hope to tap into our inner coach but find our inner critic instead. When we’re facing a tough task, our inner coach can buoy us up: Focus—you can do this. But, just as often, our inner critic sinks us entirely: I’m going to fail. They’ll all laugh at me. What’s the use? In Chatter, acclaimed psychologist Ethan Kross explores the silent conversations we have with ourselves. Interweaving groundbreaking behavioral and brain research from his own lab with real-world case studies—from a pitcher who forgets how to pitch, to a Harvard undergrad negotiating her double life as a spy—Kross explains how these conversations shape our lives, work, and relationships.

He warns that giving in to negative and disorienting self-talk—what he calls “chatter”—can tank our health, sink our moods, strain our social connections, and cause us to fold under pressure. But the good news is that we’re already equipped with the tools we need to make our inner voice work in our favor. These tools are often hidden in plain sight—in the words we use to think about ourselves, the technologies we embrace, the diaries we keep in our drawers, the conversations we have with our loved ones, and the cultures we create in our schools and workplaces. Brilliantly argued, expertly researched, and filled with compelling stories, Chatter gives us the power to change the most important conversation we have each day: the one we have with ourselves. It's accessible, fascinating and puts a whole new slant on the issue of your inner voice; a voice so often dismissed as unnecessary or even annoying. Kross explains in detail how this voice can be used to guide us and by talking to ourselves this is effectively our method of thinking out loud. Highly recommended.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone with a voice in her head that pretty much NEVER SHUTS UP I was drawn to this book. And hurrah!

A combination of research in psychology, told in laymans terms, and real, honest, helpful advice to quiet the chatter, while acknowledging its importance.

Also includes things that I do, like go to concerts and go hiking, that help my voice quiet down, and explains why. I love when that happens!

I'm ready to get started!

[Rae · Rating 4 out of 5]

As self-help books go, this was pretty helpful. Discusses the inner monologue most of us have, which both benefits and hinders us day to day.

Gives the rationale behind logical steps we can take to harness our inner voice and lead our rumination in more constructive directions.

Doesn't over-promise, and although there is a good amount of explanation, the advice focuses on the practical (as evidenced by the toolkit at the back.)

[Lys · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel like this would have been a really interesting long-form article. As a book it falls a little flat.

[Daryna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Однозначно 5 зірочок 🤩
Страшенно рада, що цю книгу видали українською)

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’re like me, and a zillion other people, and find yourself being consumed by your thoughts—rumination, worry, etc. you’ll probably find something beneficial in this book. The author has taught on this subject for years at University of Michigan, as well as proposed and overseen numerous neurological studies regarding what he calls chatter—your inner voice, or “conversations we have with ourselves.”

It’s an informative, fairly short book, chock-full of references to different studies supporting the tools he presents to defend yourself against and gaining control over spiraling thoughts. There are several different approaches, and they’re outlined nicely in the last section of the book, “The Tools.” In fact, if you’re short on time, you could skip to this last portion of the book to get to the good stuff right away. You’ll miss out on the examples, anecdotes, and references to different studies supporting these techniques, but you’ll still get a solid explanation of different things to try when your chatter is consuming you.

He doesn’t present anything as one size fits all. Instead, he rolls out quite a few tools that have been shown to help people, and he encourages readers to try them and find what combination works best. His writing style is interesting and accessible, and I was engaged throughout.

[Tracy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Huge disappointment. Not a single new thought or theory or way of thinking of things. The idea of learning something about the constant thoughts going through my mind really grabbed me. This book is, I suspect, a result of what this author refers to as the "publish or perish culture of academia". Just get something published was the goal, it seems. All this book contains is references to other studies or characters on tv shows and a bunch of windy rambling. It was hard to follow his train of thought with all the rambling going on. I cannot recommend this to anyone.

[Andy · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author breaks stuff down into very simple steps, like talking to yourself with "Hey you, [insert your name], why are you [doing the thing that's making you miserable]?" questions. So that could be very valuable to people who don't know about well-established things like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). There's a little handout summarizing the book's advice available online, and that's nice that he did that. (https://www.ethankross.com/wp-content...)

Alternatives:
Managing Your Mind: The Mental Fitness Guide
Great Courses: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Techniques for Retraining Your Brain



Nerd addendum:
I did not like the reliance on lots of neurobollocks (Brainwashed: The Seductive Appeal of Mindless Neuroscience) and college psych lab experiments. I would prefer to see evidence of how lots of people are objectively doing better long-term because these ideas were implemented somewhere. Along those lines, the author talks about his Toolbox project that he has going on in schools to help children with self-control. However, as far as I can tell there are no results published yet for the trial of this on-going project, so it seems premature to talk about it. Also, there are decades of studies on various school-based programs that use CBT approaches (e.g. Coping Power) to improve self-control, so it seems weird not to talk about those or to imply that this is some brand new hope.

[Aaron Shulman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic book. Among many other things, I learned how deeply entwined the mental conversations we have with ourselves are with pretty much everything that determines our quality of life: our management of painful thoughts, our emotional resilience, our relationships with others, our ability to concentrate, our physical health, and just our general daily experience of life itself. A lot of books about managing our minds seem to either toss out prescriptions with no data backing them up, promise a magical solution that inevitably falls short, or demand a change in lifestyle that can be prohibitive (ie, I'd love to meditate 45 minutes a day, but I'm just not able to make the time). In Chatter, Kross avoids these pitfalls. He offers a set of practical, science-based tools for you to experiment with and combine to discover what works best for you. For example, drawing on his research on self-talk, he explains how talking to yourself in the second person and using your own name can help to control your thoughts. Kross also pulls in a wide array of research from other domains to discuss the importance of ritual, placebos (which work even if you know they're a placebo), nature and our living spaces, experiences of awe, and how to ensure that the people we talk to about our problems help assuage rather than stoke our negative thoughts. In short, you'll learn a lot about your own mind and how to be happier living inside it. I highly recommend.

[Ty-Orion · Rating 1 out of 5]

Темата за вътрешния ни глас и за начина, по който се обръщаме и общуваме сами със себе си отдавна ме интересува. Статия в Гардиън също привлече вниманието ми към тази книга още преди да е излязла от печат. Авторът Итън Крос е психолог, така че имах определени очаквания и високият рейтинг още повече ги подсили.

За съжаление книгата е писана като по шаблон и точно съвпада с цялата кавалкада от посредствени поп-психологически четива, които излязоха на пазара напоследък. Те имат претенциите да са по-смислено четиво от жанра на селф-хелп произведенията и уж не са писани от съмнителни хора, но крайният резултат е също толкова неудовлетворяващ.

Това е поредната книга, при която съдържание, което може да бъде изложено в обема на статия, бива раздувано до неестествени размери. Няколкото изследвания по въпроса с вътрешния диалог просто няма как да запълнят близо 300-те страници на "Чатър". Затова авторът прибягва до похвати като дълги, но несъществени отклонения (например подхващане на темата за плацебото, пак за експеримента с маршмелоус и т.н.), а бележките по книгата заемат 33% от съдържанието. Това не е шега, на 66% книгата свърши. Чела съм достатъчно сериозна научна литература с бележки, речници, литература, таблици и никъде авторът не си е позволявал подобно нещо.

Всяка глава започва с примери от живота и в някои психологически книги това определено има своето място - представянето на казус има своето място в психологията. Но никога, никога няма да приема използването на известни имена за тази цел. Долнопробно. Какво общо има между обикновения човек и тенисиста Рафаел Нидал? Нищо. Защо въобще трябваше да намесва името и историята на Шерил Сандбърг, СОО на Фейсбук, и то пак със старата песен как починал съпругът ѝ (злополука във фитнеса, ако някой се интересува)? Какво общо имаше? Не разбрах, но се поядосах.

Полезната част от книгата, в която са събрани много накратко няколко метода за опитомяване на критични и злобни вътрешни гласове, е сгъчкана в 16 телефонни страници. Стига ни толкова. Помагало общуване с природата, гледане на случващото ни се отстрани, с дистанция, това да се обръщаме към себе си по име. Горе-долу толкова. Безобразие. :(

[Abby · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you’ve ever had back and forth conversations with that inner voice, this book is for you. (So…everyone.) Written by an award-winning psychologist, this book helps harness our worst critic and loudest, most opinionated voice, by using tools we already have – our words and our relationships.
Obviously, this is a nonfiction book so if that’s not your thing, be warned - this definitely leans on the academic side of books. But, if you’re up for hearing about some unique, honest stories of how our inner voice can make or break us, and how to best rope it in to help instead of hurt, give it a read. As a performer, my headspace can be my biggest fan or worst enemy. There are times onstage where I am so in my head about if I’m doing well, psyching myself out and totally convinced I’ve forgotten all my lines, or that I’m not good enough. These things can completely wreck a performance and a performer, so I am very thankful this book exists with some helpful tools to stop my brain from being a jerk and re-route it to more positive and constructive thinking.
Some may loop this into the self-help category, but I think there are some really good explanations in here about the “WHY” of human behavior in general and can be a fun read for anyone interested in sociology and the connection between humans and their beliefs/habits.
Special thanks to Random House via Goodreads Giveaways for this advance copy!

[Kate Henderson · Rating 2 out of 5]

**listened to audio book**

I was really excited to listen to/read this book, as it's a topic I find fascinating! However I was left really disappointed.
Firstly the structure of the book was all overly the place. the author talks about his experiences, and also uses case studies - flipping back and forth between the two. I found it very confusing, and didn't always know the point of some of the anecdotes. They didn't always seem relevant.
I also found the narrators voice very monotone, and it got very dull very quickly.

This wasn't the book I was hoping for.

[Daniel]

DNF with extreme prejudice at 15%

Rambling, muddled. I can't recall ever encountering a more terribly written piece of pop-psy. Pop-psy and most non-fic aimed at a broad audience is incredibly padded, since you can't charge $30 for a pamphlet, but most do a much better job of integrating their useless anecdotes and at least include a couple of clear statements of each chapter's point. This reads as if it went through a blender rather than an editor.

Having read a few reviews and summaries, I don't think it's worth my time to read any further.

[Littlep · Rating 1 out of 5]

I became more and more irritated as I was reading (listening to) the book. Not much solid content but a lot of 'showing-off' words that are not quite relevant. Nothing really new or inspiring.

[Plateresca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Useful, I'd say, but not as life-changing as I'd hoped.

It is very difficult to be always mindful of 'chatter' - the book begins with an example of the author's being carried away by his anxiety during a certain period of time. It's one thing to know that negative thought spirals are bad and quite another thing to be in actual control of them. But he gives us some tools with which to practice.

I have a vivid imagination and a tendency to dwell on my own ghastly predictions. Of the techniques suggested in this book, distancing is the one I think of as most useful, but I certainly knew this before. I liked, in theory, the idea of talking to oneself calling one by one's name, but the thing is, nobody I really love calls me by my official name: I mean, my daughter calls me Mom, my husband calls me something else, you get the idea. So I am not sure how to address myself in those conversations with myself :) I already avoid social networks (except Goodreads, of course) and look at nature every day, - two other techniques mentioned in the book, - but I still get depressed, so my reaction to some parts of the book was, 'this must be true; but I need something stronger'.

So, for me, it was not as helpful as I'd hoped, — but still a useful book.

[Maher Razouk · Rating 4 out of 5]

يستخدم ما يقرب من ملياري ونصف مليار شخص Facebook و Twitter - ما يقرب من ثلث سكان العالم - وغالبًا ما يفعلون ذلك لمشاركة الأفكار الخاصة بهم.
تجدر الإشارة إلى أنه لا يوجد شيء سيء بطبيعته في المشاركة على وسائل التواصل الاجتماعي. في الجدول الزمني التاريخي الطويل لجنسنا البشري ، إنها ببساطة بيئة جديدة نجد أنفسنا نقضي فيها قدرًا كبيرًا من الوقت ، والبيئات ليست جيدة أو سيئة في حد ذاتها. تعتمد فكرة ما إذا كانوا يساعدوننا أو يؤذوننا على كيفية تفاعلنا معهم .
.
Ethan kross
Chatter
Translated By #Maher_Razouk

[Mandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars. I feel like I am the perfect audience for this book but I didn’t glean as much from it as I wish I had. I did, however, like the tip Kross had about mental distancing and relating your stressors from a second or third person perspective, which might help me out when I next go into an anxiety spiral.

A major problem with this book is that it assumes a very specific, neurotypical perspective. While I don’t necessarily think Kross needed to have gone into every different type of neurodivergence out there since that isn’t the objective of his book, a simple statement to acknowledge that this isn’t “one size fits all” advice would’ve been very much appreciated. Not everyone has inner voices nor do they think in words. I would consider myself neurotypical, but I don’t think in words to myself all the time - my anxiety spiral tends to serve me images and scenes, often upsetting ones.

Similarly, a lot of concepts in the book is painted with very broad strokes. I understand that this is, on some level, necessary for the book’s marketability and simply because it’s aimed to cater to the most “common” mental behaviours, but it sometimes feels a bit alienating, even for myself.

Kross provides about 7 tips for reducing chatter and I don’t think all of them would help for everyone out there, so I wish there was more, and also more hands-on advice. I felt like I only really had one good tip from this whole book. I’m thankful for that, but also wished there was more.

[Alana (semi ia) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book as soon as it came out because it looked so damn interesting, and it WAS. I love the exploration of the inner voice, and I think it can be helpful for people struggling with anxiety and those who do not. We all have an inner voice regardless of what we struggle with, so there is a wide application and variety of groups who I believe would benefit from reading this.

[Gretos knygos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vajetus, aš gi neskaitau psichologinių knygų. Niekada. O dabar nutiko dalykai, nutiko tokie, apie kuriuos dar vis neturiu drąsos viešiau kalbėti, bet gal kada nors pavyks. Šiai dienai apie viską kalbu su psichologe. Tačiau šią knygą pasiėmiau tada, kai gulėjau savaitę ašarose, nematydama prasmės nei gyvenime, nei niekur kitur. O kažkur viduje žinojau, kad reikia ieškoti savyje stiprybės ir bandyti kapstytis iš duobės. Praėjus kelioms savaitėms suprantu, kad laukia ilgas kelias, bet šita knyga garantuotai prisidėjo prie savijautos, kurioje gyvenu šiandien ir prie šviesos, kurios link einu.

Apie ką kalba autorius, kad net gelbėja labai gilioje duobėje įkritusias vištas kaip aš? Kross kalba apie minčių galią. Apie tai, kaip kartais visiškai kitaip suformuluota mintis ar idėja gali jau kitaip paveikti žmogaus poelgius ir vėliau, jų pasekmes. Jis kalba apie tai, kaip mes patys galime sau padėti. Papasakoja apie eksperimentus ir bandymus. Kalba apie placebą, apie gamtos ir gryno oro naudą, pasakoja apie tai, kaip tas overthinkinimas (jėzusmarija, lietuviškai išversta kaip tarškesys) mums kenkia, bet nepalieka ir to, kad kartais ir padeda. Autorius nesileidžia į absoliučiai jokius kraštutinumus. Nieko nežada. Tiesiog ramiai pasakoja apie savo ir kitų patirtis.

Prie porą savaičių su psichologe nemažai apie šią knygą kalbėjomės. Klausė, ką gero iš jos išsinešiau. O gavau daug, sakyčiau, gerokai daugiau, nei tikėjaus. Labai patiko dalis apie ritualų galią prieš svarbius įvykius ar reikalus. Labai patiko istorijos ir tyrimai apie gamtą ir gryną orą. Įdomi ir knygos dalis, kurioje pasakoja apie tai, kaip jau visiškai kitaip sintaksiškai suformulavus sakinį, mintys gali tave visiškai kitaip paveikti (beje, atradau, kad autoriaus aprašytą metodą iš tiesų pasąmoningai naudoju jau kurį laiką ir be šios knygos), nes tai veikia.

Taip pat knygos pabaigoje yra aprašyti būdai kaip padėti sau, ir kaip padėti kitam. Tarsi atmintinė. Labiausiai patiko pasiūlymas nedalinti patarimų neprašytam ir ir nepulti bėdoje esančiam ant viršaus pasakoti “o, ir man taip buvo”… Autorius skatina atsidūrus sudėtingoje situacijoje atsiriboti ir bandyti į viską pažvelgti iš kitos perspektyvos. Elementaru? Elementaru. Ne veltui auklėjant vaikus sakom, kad jei supyksti, skaičiuok iki 10 (atsitrauk). O tada jau šaltesniais nervais gali imtis bandyti spręsti situaciją.

Labiausiai nustebino su grožiu, gamta ir stipriais įspūdžiais susiję tyrimai. Neslėpsiu, nemaniau, kad yra taip, kaip yra. Bet kai daug daug kartų esu vartojusi žodžius, kad kelionės gydo, pasirodo, neklydau. Aišku, kitam tai bus koncertas, maistas, paroda.

Galėčiau plėstis ir citatomis užversti, tačiau šią knygą ir joje esančius perlus reikėtų atrasti patiems. Gal tai bus tiesiog lengvas skaitinys, kuriame rasite kelias rezonuojančias mintis, o gal nutiks taip, kaip nutiko man. Esu dėkinga autoriui, kad sudėjo tokius, rodos, elementarius dalykus į knygą ir paleido ją į pasaulį.

Leidyklos dovana.

Susitikime instagrame:
https://www.instagram.com/gretosknygo...

[Shafira Indika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Buat kalian yang overthinker, coba baca buku ini!

Sejujurnya butuh waktu cukup lama buat menyelesaikan buku ini. Aku sempet rada lost interest buat ngelanjutin tapi akhirnya kembali baca lagi (setelah berkomitmen mau kelarin buku nonfiksi yang lagi ongoing sebelum memulai buku nonfiksi baru) dan kembali jatuh cinta sama buku ini.

Hal yang paling kusuka dari buku ini adalah penjelasannya yang runtut, scientific-based, dan mudah dimengerti. Pertama-tama penulis akan menjelaskan mengenai Chatter itu sendiri, tentang luar biasanya otak manusia yang kemudian memunculkan chatter atau inner voice dalam diri kita. Di tiap bab, penulis menyajikan ilustrasi/cerita yang berhubungan dengan pembahasan bab tersebut, kemudian menjelaskan research yang membuat hal tersebut menjadi make sense. Penulis juga menceritakan variabel-variabel yang mempengaruhi chatter, diantaranya lingkungan sekeliling kita dan orangtua.

Akan tetapi, chatter ini juga bisa memunculkan hal negatif. Chatter bisa bikin kita overthinking mengenai skenario-skenario jelek yang akan terjadi, bisa bikin kita ragu sama kemampuan diri sendiri, banyak deh! Nah, karena mustahil untuk meredam chatter sepenuhnya, kita mesti belajar gimana sih cara mengelola inner voice kita yang rewel dan sering bikin cemas.

Ada banyak tools yang disajikan penulis, diantaranya adalah melakukan self-distanced talk atau ngomong ke diri sendiri tapi memposisikan kita sebagai orang lain, normalize your experience—bilang ke diri sendiri bahwa hal itu normal alias orang lain juga mengalami jadi kita ga merasa aneh/merasa sendirian, merapikan sekeliling kita, melihat pemandangan, hingga melakukan ritual. Ritual yang dimaksud ini bukan ritual penyembahan apa gimana-gimana yaa, melainkan hal-hal yang kita lakuin buat meredam kecemasan kita sebelum melakukan suatu hal. Misalnya, para atlet punya kebiasaan sebelum bertanding.

Pas baca toolsnya, ada beberapa yang ternyata udah aku terapkan sebelum baca buku ini. Misalnya, kalo lagi mumet atau panik sendiri sama tugas/kerjaan yang numpuk, aku suka rapi2 kamar atau at least meja belajar (kadang malah cmn bongkar rak buku trs rapiin lagi). Setelah rapi2 biasanya aku jadi lebih tenang dan lebih merasa mampu beresin hal-hal yg numpuk tadi. Terkadang aku juga menggunakan self-distanced talk (tapi gasadar aja namanya ternyata itu wkwk). Setelah baca buku ini, aku jadi makin sering menggunakan itu dan jadi lebih tau tools lainnya buat meredam inner voice-ku. Apakah aku sekarang jadi less overthinking? wkwk ya jujur masih sering overthinking tapi yaaa mulai berkurang dikit-dikit lahh😅

Intinya, buku ini recommended banget dehh! Bener-bener insightful dan bermanfaat. Banyak kalimat yang aku stabiloin dan underline. Pengennya sih reread ini lagi di kemudian hari tapi entah kapan wkwkwk utk sekarang aku mau fokus buat coba mengaplikasikan tools-nya aja. Oiya, setauku belum ada terjemahannya deh(?) semoga bisa ada terjemahannya juga supaya buku ini makin banyak dibaca orang-orang