You are not meant to be happy. So stop trying.

by Rafa Euba

Our DNA doesn’t want to make us happy. It prefers to keep us forever anxious about potential threats and in need of new rewards that will never quite satisfy us. Our biological self is naturally unhappy, as the 10th century Caliph of Córdoba discovered when he counted the days he had felt happy in his whole life and found they amounted to only 14. Through a series of conversations with his patients – some funny, others poignant – Rafa Euba reflects on the futility of chasing happiness as a goal, while accepting that money, pills, sex and food sometimes make this quest more agreeable. Yet, even then, the so-called “Paradox of Hedonism” stops us from enjoying ourselves too much, and not even our dreams at night offer respite from our biologically-determined unhappiness. The author looks for evidence of happiness in the workings of our brain, in our mythology, and in even in fairy tales, but can’t find any. He also looks for it in self-help books, but concludes that their vacuous optimism can’t possibly lead to a state of emotional contentment. This is because however hard we may try to govern our emotions, they will inevitably remain mixed and messy. Happiness is a myth, an ethereal ghost that inhabits our brain only as an abstract idea. Rafa Euba is a seasoned psychiatrist, who can’t help constantly pondering about the flaws and wonders of human nature, even when he should be doing other things.

198 pages, Paperback

Published January 6, 2021

Reviews

[Jo]

A thought-provoking book detailing why happiness is such an unattainable goal for humans.

Biologically, we are not meant to be happy for purposes of the survival of our species, and Dr Euba goes into details as to explain why this is.

He touches on the positive thinking movement, whether money indeed buys happiness, whether religion can show us the path to happiness. He takes a look at personality types and whether different personalities find it harder to be "happier" than others. He looks at medications and antidepressants and whether they are actually able to improve our moods. Whether, biologically, there is a chemical or part of our brain which is responsible for our happiness.

This is an intelligent book which personally makes me feel much better about my own failure to be happy all the time. The tales also have a smattering of humour, which makes the book much more human, rather than something technical only able to be understood by other psychiatrists.

I have been lucky enough to work with Dr Euba for a few years. This is a gentleman who despite being at the top of his profession, treats everyone with kindness and respect, from other doctors down to secretarial staff (me). I have always respected his calm and efficient manner and his care and compassion for his patients, even the more difficult ones. He has written an excellent book here that I am hoping will help many people feel better about their anxieties and unattainable happiness.

[Emma Creasey]

I found the title very helpful even before I began to read the book. It's a relief to know that my brain is wired as unhappy to protect me - we alert to hazards and danger, not comfort! I was interested in the personal case studies (which are composites of several people, I believe) which start each chapter. The author is obviously kind and compassionate - I was brought to this book because he provides the final chapter of Emma Kennedy's Letters from Brenda and I found him intriguing.

[Rhonda Kaminsky]

A brief but good read.

The writer thoroughly convinced me not to pursue happiness. The book had some amusing patients whose disorder was interesting to dissect. I would read another book by this author.