Remember all those Romantic films or even the hapless Romantic Comedies you’ve seen, the infinitesimal, clichéd and hopelessly repetitive plots? The same guy and gal meet somewhere odd or mildly weird so that things are interesting. Probably a boss and employee type of thing (The Proposal? Go to hell, Ryan Reynolds, you big-mouthed wanker!) Or two people from very far places brought together by kismet or something as appallingly believable (Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve got Mail, Philadelphia? Wait, Philadelphia’s about AIDS so it’s has to be mentioned. I’ve got nothing bad to say about Tom Hanks. I used to love you, Meg Ryan.) Or they’re sex friends, friends with benefits, all that modern freedom excuse (Friends With Benefits? No Strings Attached?) Or someone very rich and famous going for someone scrapping-by and morally compromised (Pretty Woman, Maid in Manhattan? No, Maid in Manhattan is pure rubbish. Pretty Woman is the lovable shit. I’d pick Richard Gere over Ralph Fiennes and Julia Roberts over Jennifer Lopez any day. Plus, there’s something more righteous and morally redemptive about loving a hooker than a maid. You know, I don’t really get why the men are always the rich guys going for the hookers and stuff. Is this a sexist thing? Is it? Probably it’s more of men’s domination. You know, wanting submissive women and stuff. Now we’re getting in murky waters. Don’t dare get excited, you feminist! This might be the insane reason why women love The Notebook. Cause, you know, the rich girl is settling for the poor lad, instead of the usual other way around.) Alright, enough examples, you get the drift. So there its exciting cause stuff’s pretty complicated. They meet up, become friends or something because of a certain unfathomable thing happening. Then before long, what-da-ya-know, they fall in love. They don’t care bout nothing but sex, and spending time with each other and stuff, the crazy, bat-shit, rick-rolling, fucked-up shit kinda love. Then as sure as the sun will set, something wrong happens, there’s a problem or trouble and you know the drill. They go separate ways, but somewhere along the line the guy realizes that he loves the gal. And so, it’s the its-amazing-how-writers-are-able-to-think-of-some-new-way-to-propose scene. Always lots of people, always making a big fuss, always saying something like: I’m an idiot because I let you go. (You are an idiotic writer, you slob.) The variances are probably minor details like: asking for marriage (insanely a sure bet), holding a stereo while saying it, change it to flowers, or probably make it rain to be more dramatic, or changing the stupid catch-phrase. So then the girl begins to cry and then they kiss and the end. Fuck you, movies! I mean, we all know they’re shit and they’re outrageously predictable. That they’re as cyclic as women’s cycles, but by Jove, we still watch the shit and feel all gooey and mushy inside. When we come out of that theater we all end up thinking: Someday I’m gonna meet someone and fall in luv. Well, too bad.
You know, these movies are largely responsible for us blokes getting the wrong idea about relationships. Sure, music’s done its bit, but movies are more demonstrative. Take me for example, I’m a wanker. I own up to it because I am. I go out with women and find fault with them, always happens with me. I’m like: she’s not smart enough or her hands are freakishly small, or she looks anemic. I was even once turned off by a girl because “her fingernails look weird”. These are real reasons why I copped-out on someone. I get it I’m an asshole. I’m pretty sure that I can pin it on something the movies led me to believe: perfect love. I’m hell bent on keeping my options open, I never settle for anyone cause someone perfect or better might come and I don’t want to be unavailable when that happens. Sure, I flirt and do the motions. But I’m pretty… not scared, more like stressed by the commitment. Ms. Perfect might walk through that door, and I won’t let (name of the very nice girl I’m out with) get in the way. When I read this book, the portrayal by Nick Hornby was so disturbingly familiar that I actually felt déjà vu on various occasions. Okay, I’m not as daft as that Rob Fleming bloke, but I’m pretty much made of the same worries. I totally get the part where Rob says he cheated on Laura because she might die. Some men do things for preemptive measures. Guys can break up with girls just because they think the girl might break up with them. And being the dumper is so much better than being the dumpee, so they do it just in case. Stupid, huh? But it really happens. Another thing is attainable women losing glamour. Say, you see a gal you like; you’re really into her and stuff. When she’s impossible to attain she’s more attractive. When you find out that maybe she likes you back, maybe she’s interested. My reaction would be to feel less attracted to her. I dunno why, but that’s true, in my case. And well, in Fleming’s case, when he finds out that Laura wanted him back, he immediately evolves from being depressed to moving on and finding some else, Ms. Perfect. I’m not saying all guys are the same. We’re all different, but there are also lots of similarities. We all are bound by certain tendencies like most women have certain similarities as well. I’m telling you, you wanna figure out the closest thing going through your man’s head then read this book.
Okay, maybe not all men are as suffocated by these tendencies. You know FRIENDS? There’s a character there named Ross, Ross loves to get married. There are Ross kinda guys. These are the types of guys born for relationships. They’re not scared at all by commitment and feel right at home in bondage. I’m not one of those. I have a friend like this, loves getting into long relationships and is always feeling very happy about it. Like Phil, who meets Jackie and then they break up cause of Rob then back together again to start a family. Like Ross, who gets married 3 times and gets divorced by each one yet still walks along the path of the holy matrimony. Maybe these are the kinds of guys women want; I think they’re pretty rare. I think they’re really weird. Then there are the Joey kinda guys, the players, scared stiff by commitment and marriage and love. Just guys looking for sex and fun, hopping from one bed to another, never finding that woman they wanna be with permanently. Why? Cause they don’t even want one. Permanence is like poison to these guys. Then we have the, badum-tss, the Chandlers. These guys start out like Joey, scared by commitment and all that crap. But along the way, they either trip and wake up or they meet a Monica, a game changer. I don’t think they’re changed from Joey to Ross overnight. No, Chandler was still very jumpy and scared when he was with Monica, but he worked for it and understood that there are things you sacrifice if you want an adult relationship to work. Shit! What am I saying? Take these things with a grain of salt, cause I don’t really know what I’m doing. But you know what? I always figured Chandler to be the loser among the guys. Now, I know different. Cause Ross was a natural, he was born to wed, Joey’s gonna end up an old man living on a shack by himself, and Chandler was the only guy who really worked for the relationship he had. Bloody Hell, I hope to be a Chandler some day, cause I know I ain’t a Ross, and Joey’s a pretty grim option.
Alright, I confess, I’m only 19 years old. So what? So you say I shouldn’t waste my time on love and relationships and the likes. I agree, I should focus more on my studies. But you know, it’s like a fad, romance is the thing that makes people feel jumpy-joyous and top-of-the-world happy. I know, it’s also responsible for massive amounts of suicides and murders. But, bloody hell, it’s the thing that makes us feel human. Also, I can’t seem to shake girls out of my head. Humans are pretty pathetic creatures, huh? It’s like this love or romance thingy is our gasoline and without it we can’t go anywhere in our lives. So if this is gonna adversely affect my future, how can you expect me not to worry about it? I gotta practice you know. So that when the time comes, I’ll do it right. Plus, I have other reasons. Heh heh. Oh, what a bunch of bollocks!
I must seem pretty well about, huh? Sure, I read and review lots of complicated books and stuff. Sure I go to one of top universities in my country. Sure, I’ve watched hundreds of romantic movies. Plus, I recycle. But that doesn’t mean shit about knowing anything about this love and relationship thing. I’m as stupid as a guy somewhere wearing a Guns n’ Roses t-shirt, sporting a Mohawk, coked out of his mind. Thankfully, I read this book. Here’s what my shackled guy’s brain managed to pick up: It’s never going to be as perfect as I imagined it to be, yet somehow it will work, if you make it work.
You ever heard the saying: “You don’t love someone because they’re perfect; you love them despite their imperfections.”? Well, I guess that needs a little elaboration. I guess you love them less because of their imperfections, but at the end of the day, you love them still.
Well, that was me giving my sophomoric thoughts about love and relationships and High Fidelity. What can I say? Nice try. Close, but no cigar. See you around.