You Have More Influence Than You Think: How We Underestimate Our Power of Persuasion, and Why It Matters

by Vanessa Bohns

Named a 2021 Best Book for Ethical Leaders by Notre Dame’s Deloitte Center for Ethical Leadership and a Top Business Title of the Month by the Financial Times

“One of the most enticing and entertaining books I’ve ever read on persuasion.” ―Adam Grant, #1 New York Times best-selling author of Think Again

"This remarkable book will change the way you see your own potential.” ―Daniel H. Pink, #1 New York Times bestselling author of When , Drive , and To Sell is Human

An original investigation of our hidden power to persuade, and how to wield it wisely. If you’ve ever felt ineffective, invisible, or inarticulate, chances are you weren’t actually any of those things. Those feelings may instead have been the result of a lack of awareness we all seem to have for how our words, actions, and even our mere presence affect other people. In You Have More Influence Than You Think social psychologist Vanessa Bohns draws from her original research to illustrate why we fail to recognize the influence we have, and how that lack of awareness can lead us to miss opportunities or accidentally misuse our power. Weaving together compelling stories with cutting edge science, Bohns answers the questions we all want to know (but may be afraid to ask): How much did she take to heart what I said earlier? Do they know they can push back on my suggestions? Did he notice whether I was there today? Will they agree to help me if I ask? Whether attending a meeting, sharing a post online, or mustering the nerve to ask for a favor, we often assume our actions, input, and requests will be overlooked or rejected. Bohns and her work demonstrate that people see us, listen to us, and agree to do things for us much more than we realize―for better, and worse. You Have More Influence Than You Think offers science-based strategies for observing the effect we have on others, reconsidering our fear of rejection, and even, sometimes, pulling back to use our influence less. It is a call to stop searching for ways to gain influence you don’t have and to start recognizing the influence you don’t realize you already have .

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Leadership, Self Help, Business, Communication, Audiobook

256 pages, Hardcover

Published September 7, 2021

About the author

Vanessa Bohns is a social psychologist and professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University. She holds a PhD in psychology from Columbia University and an AB from Brown University. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times, Harvard Business Review, and other outlets, and her research has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Economist, and on NPR's Hidden Brain.

Reviews

[Kirstin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Bohns does an uncommonly good job of weaving together engaging stories, rigorous research, and useful takeaways in this pop psychology book. She also deftly explores the pros, the cons, and the other nuances of influence in ways that are relevant to the most pressing topics of today. A fantastic read on an important topic!

[Charity (Booktrovert Reader) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This has such amazing content about the influence that we have that we may no even realize. Puts things in perspective that I have not thought of before.
That said, this was a hard book to get through. It felt like a very long scientific essay. Very factual and feels drawn out. This writing style for me was difficult to get me through this book even though this book has such great information.

[Chris Mooney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read if you enjoy taking a sort of step back and reflecting on how people interact with each other. No Bull sh**ting. Everything is cited to study’s she’s either conducted or read up on. Very good stuff.

[Julie Greco · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the introduction of her book, Cornell ILR Associate Professor Vanessa Bohns warns, “This is not going to be your typical book on influence and persuasion.”

Instead of teaching the reader how to gain the influence they don’t have, Bohns draws on her 15 years of experience and research to illustrate that individuals already have tremendous influence over others – they just don’t realize it.

Bohns, a social psychologist and professor of organizational behavior, draws from her original research, and that of others in her field, to illustrate why individuals fail to recognize the influence they have, and how that lack of awareness can lead to missed opportunities or accidental misuse of our power.

In the early chapters of the book, Bohns cites studies conducted by Erica Boothby (University of Pennsylvania), Tory Higgins (Columbia), Sebastian Deri (Cornell) and Ellen Langer (Harvard), among others, to illustrate how individuals underestimate how much they are observed by others, while at the same time overestimating how much others notice things the individual finds embarrassing. Bohns also draws on what Boothby calls the “liking gap” to explain that “people like you more than you realize, which in turn means you have more influence than you realize.”

Building on these studies with her own research with Frank Flynn (Stanford), the heart of Bohns’ book demonstrates that people see one another, listen to one another and agree to do things for each other more than we realize — for better, and for worse.

Throughout the book, Bohns offers science-based strategies for observing the effect individuals have on one another, and even demonstrates how “our influence over others has a dark side,” writing that “to combat misinformation, sexual harassment, racial discrimination, organizational misconduct, and so much more, we each must recognize our own role in perpetuating or condoning these things, and take responsibility for the influence we have.”

[Peter P. · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a sea of books in the social psychology field, it is not often that a book comes along that seems to have something different to say. Vanessa Bohns manages to accomplish that feat with her wonderful contribution to my growing library in the field, with You Have More Influence Than You Think. Drawing on her owns research, and that of others, Bohns makes a very compelling case for how - in ways both positive and not so positive - we influence others. How listening and experience alone is not the be all we might have believed, how truly understanding our influence in a broader perspective is essential to avoiding misinterpretation and, in far too many cases, perpetuation of stereotypes and racial biases. If ever a book was a beacon for the power of empathy, without overtly beating that drum into submission, this is the book. Highly recommended for people who love social psychology, and especially for those who manage people in any capacity.

[Chel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well-written book which allows you to relate. The book provides stories of research studies, academic research, and day to day examples. Overall this book provides an understanding influence and the impact of communication. A useful and engaging book!
Thanks to NetGalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Dolly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't stop thinking about this book.

- Eye opening.
- Evidence-based.
- Exhilarating.

It's beautifully written and leaves you with tools and insights that are both surprising and empowering. Highly recommend.

[Fotini Iconomopoulos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Was so excited to get my hands on this book. With testimonials from Dr. Cialdini and others it certainly didn't let me down. I'll definitely be referencing this with my negotiation audiences!

[Brittany McLaughlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read! Every anecdote and study relatable and helpful for getting out of your own head. Also, why to: show up, compliment more, inquire, and respect.

[Charles McGonigal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exceptional presentation of important research. Can't think of anyone I know who doesn't need at least part of this book's information - especially in workplaces.

[Kate Grumbles · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this brilliant, well-researched book! Bohns explains her experiments in simple, easily understandable terms, and she tackles some heavier topics (around #MeToo and systemic racism in the US). Her effort to interweave her prior research on power dynamics/why it’s hard to “say no” with recent current events is noteworthy to me— she does so seamlessly without using any buzzwords or attention-grabbing language on the back cover, too, so it was a pleasant surprise when I read about relevant recent daily events and popular culture directly after reading about her experiments in the early 2000’s. This book is both empowering, validating, and informative; it provides pragmatic suggestions for how individual can GET others’ perspectives from seeing, feeling, and experiencing (not just ‘TAKING’ perspectives)! Highly recommend!

[Isaac Newman · Rating 4 out of 5]

In the end I enjoyed the book. Professor Bohns has a fairly unique approach to introducing, discussing, and analyzing various studies and what they reveal in regards to our perceived influence. Essentially you DO have more influence than you think and it's okay to use that influence, but the quote from Spider-Man 2002 should sit in the back of your mind, "with great power comes great responsibility."

I wish I read this book while taking the "Morality at Work" class with Professor Bohns to pick her brain.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was previously unfamiliar with the work of Vanessa Bohns, but I’m sold. Bohns has conducted a ton of research about how we influence others, and this book covers a ton of her research as well as some similar research from the field of social psychology. Before reading the book, I wasn’t sure if it was going to be a self-help type book, or a book that’s geared towards people in sales and marketing, or something along those lines. Once I started reading the book, I was pleasantly surprised because it was something fresh and different, and I really enjoyed it.

This book teaches the reader about how we’re often influencing others without even knowing it, and this even includes on social media as we unwittingly spread misinformation. Throughout the book, it’s like Vanessa is reading your mind and dispels a lot of myths that we tell ourselves such as, “I’m invisible and nobody is paying attention to me.” As someone who has struggled with social anxiety in the past and had to do public speaking, I can see this book helping a lot of people who read it in a variety of ways. Once you get to the second half of the book, you start to learn about more societal issues that have been going on for a long time, such as power dynamics and sexual advances. By learning about what the research says, we can hopefully implement better workplace policies and help people understand that intentionally or not, they may have more influence on others than they think.

[Todd Kashdan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read between 50 and 75 books per year. Without a doubt, this first book by Dr. Vanessa Bohns stands out for its original insights about influence, empowerment, and self-awareness. A large portion of the science in this book has been conducted by Bohns and her colleagues, making her the ideal author.

In the first 50 pages (two chapters), you will see that Bohns is an exceptional writer and storyteller. It was easy to finish the entire book in two settings because the prose is tight, the science described is precise, and the anecdotes are original, interesting, and concise (something few scientists who work as part-time authors do well).

I have already recommended this book to several friends and plan to follow-up by reading many of the studies cited. While the chapters are a bit on the long side, you will not want to stop reading. This is unlike the wide number of books on persuasion that are out there - this is a book about understanding your already powerful influence on other people and how to wield this tool toward constructive ends.

A really fantastic read that I strongly recommend.

[Adam Benforado · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a moment when so many of us feel disconnected, Professor Bohns offers the evidence of how powerfully linked we all are. What we say and do are consequential. As Bohns points out, they "can eventually become the thoughts and memories that reverberate in other people's heads. And it doesn't take as much as we think for that to happen." (192). The evidence (much of Bohns's own research) is compelling and it's an energizing and fast read. Overall, the book has left me seeing my interactions with other people in a new light. It immediately brought me back to freshman year Psych 101 reading Robert Cialdini's Influence -- a work that has shaped my sense of the world ever since. Buy this book.

[Zoe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vanessa Bohns is a leading researcher in the field and I teach about her work in my course at Yale, so I've been excited for this book. So many insights! And chock full of science, but easy to read. This isn't a how-to book, it's a who-you-are-already book. And you're more powerful than you realize. One of the most fascinating parts for me was learning about how much influence we can have as listeners. Without even speaking at all, we can sway another person's point of view.

[Brady · Rating 5 out of 5]

Surprised it's her first book! Very well written, with good insights, and not too Malcolm Gladwell style cutesy about things.

[Maher Razouk · Rating 5 out of 5]

السيد ماجو ، الشخصية الكرتونية العنيدة وقصيرة النظر التي ظهرت لأول مرة على شاشات التلفزيون في عام 1949 ، تشتهر بالمشي والدخول في حياة الآخرين والتسبب في حدوث فوضى . في إحدى حلقات ماجو ، دخل عن طريق الخطأ إلى منشأة لإطلاق الصواريخ يعتقد أنها كازينو ، وسحب رافعة يعتقد أنها آلة قمار ، ومن خلال سلسلة من الأخطاء والأحداث المعقدة ، انتهى به الأمر إلى إطلاق مدير المنشأة إلى الفضاء.
الشيء المميز حول السيد ماجو - والتكوين الكوميدي الرئيسي للشخصية - هو أنه غافل تمامًا عن الفوضى التي يسببها. بينما يسير في أنحاء العالم ويؤثر على الناس يسارًا ويمينًا بطرق كبيرة ، لا يمكنه رؤية ما وراء أنفه لفهم تأثيره على الآخرين!!

نحن جميعًا لدينا القليل من السيد ماجو فينا. نظرًا لأننا نتعثر في حياتنا اليومية ، ولا نرى ما وراء أنوفنا ، فإننا نترك وراءنا أثرنا الخاص على مختلف الأشخاص الذين نلتقي بهم طوال يومنا . ومثل السيد ماجو ، نحن غافلون إلى حد كبير عن هذا التأثير.
يمكن أن يكون هذا التأثير قويًا ومنعشًا. من ناحية أخرى ، هذا يعني أن التأثير في كثير من النواحي أسهل وأقل استثنائية مما نتخيل. في حين أن الأوقات التي حاولت فيها وفشلت في التأثير على شخص ما قد تلوح في الأفق بشكل كبير ، فهناك بلا شك المزيد من الأمثلة على المرات التي أثرت فيها على شخص ما دون أن تحاول على الإطلاق - ودون أن ترى التأثير الذي كان لديك. من ناحية أخرى ، هذا يعني أيضًا أنه من المحتمل أن تكون هناك أوقات قد أثرت فيها على شخص ما عن غير قصد ، بطرق قد تتمنى حتى أنك لم تفعلها.
.
Vanessa Bohns
You have more influence
Translated By #Maher_Razouk

[Jens · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye-opener. It does a good job in explaining why those in leadership positions have a hard time seeing their (toxic) influence, just as white persons have a hard time seeing race. They have the luxury to "don't think about it", but their counterparts must interprate their every move. You can't address your quirks or racism, if you can't see it. Good chapter on embarassement, too. Amazing but true. If people understand how they impact their surroundings without even trying, there would be less need for arguments or shouting.

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent read for anyone interested in building better relationships through self-awareness. I appreciated the clear and concise presentation. The intention to show how we already influence others is immediately stated then beautifully explained through many case studies and a multitude of relevant examples. Every part of this sent me down introspective rabbit holes. The chapters on rejection reminded me so much of marketing psychology that's trained in MLM businesses and I loved returning to some of those important lessons.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won this book as part of a Goodreads Giveaway. I found the information in this book interesting. It changed my perception on several relevant social concepts and also made me think more about the influence a leader has when asking someone to do things. As someone who has never struggled with the ability to say no, this book helped me better understand how some are put in very uncomfortable situations and are not comfortable saying no to requests. Overall, I walked away with a better understanding of how each person has the ability to influence others and how to better understand others perspective when making requests.

[LearningMum · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely NOT a rework of Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People! I found Bohns’ research and conclusions to be very promising in the field of DEI. There are moments when the writing seems repetitive. I chalked this up to their thoroughness in maintaining a scientific approach. Highly recommend.

[Don Moore Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was inspiringly honest, insightful, and empowering. I loved it so much! Bohns is a compelling fresh voice and a great communicator. She helped me see in a new light things I thought I already understood. This book is well worth reading.

[Wombat Joey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read a LOT of books on influencing, and this is by far the best. Also the easiest to implement, with the best description of how bias and power differentials can complicate things. Wish I could have given it 6 stars!

[Guilrod · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting concepts the author brings to the table, the fact that people notice you more often than you think, how people have trouble saying no, how asking for things is surprisingly effective are among some of the things this book delves on, I enjoyed learning about some of the concepts although a lot of it is very obvious, quick read.

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book

Dr. Bonn’s’ carefully research book give us extraordinary insight on how much influence we have already and how to use it responsibly.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very influential book! All kidding aside, this book changes how I go through the world. I recommend you read it.

[Julia Blank · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. Everyone should read this.

[Siyun · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 /5; read in audible version.

I struggled, almost dropped the book, but managed to chew through it. Rating is lower than the insights it tries to convey, mostly due to how the content is organized; the author also repeated herself/dwelled on the same point for way too long, IMO.

I think, book will be more appropriately titled "You have more influence than you think, if you are in the same (perceived) power position as the other person".

It almost feels like the first half and second half of the book is addressing two different audiences: 1st half, it speaks to someone from a less-powerful position, such as women, minority, employee or persons in need of help (situational), where the original title applied. This feels empowering, as woman, I should/could speak up and 'say no' more often.

However, the 2nd half speaks mainly to those who are in power, bringing to light the psychological and behavioral science behind unconscious bias - why and how it happens. The author furthered, even if two person shared similar experiences, the impact - how they feel. So should I still feel I am 'influential' if I am the requester/persuader?

The conclusion I was led to then was, how influential you are is all depending on who you are and what is the context?! So we back to ground zero. Frustrated :/

[Ruta Alb · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author begins the book by discussing research that reveals we are noticed by others more than we realize. While we might sometimes feel invisible, people do observe us when we're around. As I read the first part of the book, I found myself feeling uneasy about just how much attention we actually receive from others. The author then deep dives into the idea that humans are more inclined to help others than we often assume. This idea really caught my interest. The final part of the book left a deep impression on me, as the author emphasized the importance of considering the power our influence can have over others. Some of the examples she provided were quite unsettling, prompting thoughts like, "I would never do that..." But what if...?
The book offers an eye-opening perspective, supported by research, on how we often fail to recognize that simply asking someone for something can limit their perceived freedom to say no. Despite our belief that others can easily refuse our requests, this isn't always the case: "we see ourselves as making proposals that are optional, even though it doesn’t at all feel that way to the other person."
So, what did I take from this book to myself?
"As we’ve seen, the people you ask may very well smile and comply, all the while wishing they could say “no,” but feeling too awkward and uncomfortable to do so."