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职场妈妈生存报告
时代在进步，女性要真正走出困境，还要激发男性的觉醒，不光两性关系需要一个全新的定义，婚姻与育儿的价值一定也需要重估。
从个体家庭到公共社会，是时候重新分配育儿责任了！
当一名职业女性成为妈妈，她必然要面临事业和家庭之间的冲突，这是理所当然的吗？
这本书告诉我们，不！
本书以美国职场妈妈的困境为出发点，选取了社会政策和文化环境非常不同的四个国家——瑞典、德国、意大利、美国，对其中的135位中产阶级职场女性进行访谈，调研她们想要以及需要什么样的支持以缓解工作和家庭的冲突，从而从国家制度、市场配置、文化氛围等角度，试图勾画一种对职场妈妈更为公平并能够提供更为充分的支持的社会图景。
从个体家庭到公共社会，是时候重新分配育儿责任了！
当一名职业女性成为妈妈，她必然要面临事业和家庭之间的冲突，这是理所当然的吗？
这本书告诉我们，不！
本书以美国职场妈妈的困境为出发点，选取了社会政策和文化环境非常不同的四个国家——瑞典、德国、意大利、美国，对其中的135位中产阶级职场女性进行访谈，调研她们想要以及需要什么样的支持以缓解工作和家庭的冲突，从而从国家制度、市场配置、文化氛围等角度，试图勾画一种对职场妈妈更为公平并能够提供更为充分的支持的社会图景。
484 pages, Paperback
First published February 12, 2019
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1091 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
March 1, 2019
This is an update to The Second Shift--Collins goes around the world and interviews women. It is super interesting that policies determine how people feel about motherhood and marriage. We assume that these are cultural things, but apparently giving people a year off and forcing them to take it makes men believe that fatherhood is just as much their responsibility. It was also striking how American women have 0 expectation of government help or support for childcare.
February 4, 2020
In her fascinating cross-cultural study of motherhood experiences, Caitlyn Collins examines how women combine motherhood and work, and how different cultural models impact women's experiences. For her fieldwork, Collins chose 4 countries that were roughly representative of her 4 social frameworks: Sweden, Germany, Italy, and the USA. The research (field work) was confined to middle class mothers, in all cases but Germany (for specific reasons) centering on the capital city. While this limits some of the conclusions (and she adds caveats where applicable and possible), it helps provide cross-cultural reliability.
Sweden follows a social-democratic framework, in which the government and the people consider children a shared social responsibility, and the goal is to promote equality. To this end, services are universal and extensive, with some means testing (for example, childcare is based on income, but is capped at approximately US$160/mo). Policies are tweaked to ensure that goals are being met: for example, parental leave was adjusted to increase fathers' uptake, though currently, women still take more leave. Swedish women report the highest levels of satisfaction with the system (80% report job satisfaction) and the levels of support available. What's clear, though, is that the system relies on a three legged stool of support--not just government policy but businesses and society as a whole. Pregnancy is treated as a norm at work and Swedish families report the highest levels of egalitarianism at home. This results in the highest level of labor participation at 84%, with 63% working full time. Swedish mothers felt that working was the norm and that being a housewife was actively stigmatized. Swedes, unlike other countries, felt that daycare was better placed than family members (84% vs 10%) to care for children past the age of 1.
Although Sweden is the most egalitarian of the countries surveyed (and in the top few spots worldwide) it is not perfectly so. There is still a pay gap and mothers are more likely to work in the public sector. Women did report some pressure regarding mothering norms, including pressure not to leave their children in daycare too late (the ideal seemed to be between 3-4pm).
Germany presented an interesting case because of the differing histories in East and West Germany. For this reason, Collins did research in both parts of Germany. The western model, still reflected in much government policy, is a conservative one, with strong state involvement but one aimed at supporting a "traditional" family with a primary breadwinner (still a model prioritized by the tax system and school hours). There has been movement towards more support for working mothers, but it's a work in progress. In East Germany, however, the model was a two earner family, with women returning to work relatively quickly after childbirth. Working with children under 3 remains more common in the former East, which retains a stronger childcare infrastructure (public Kitas). However, the women in eastern Germany had a preference for "working, but not too much"--a preference for part time work, which was widely available even in white collar jobs. Women here experienced their conflict as one with social ideals, especially in western Germany where working mothers are derided with the term "Rabensmütter", and discrimination against mothers. The former policy of 3 years maternity leave, which sounds generous to Americans, was resented by women as they felt judged for not taking it.
Italy's model is familialist: it relies on extended family networks. Maternity leave is mandatory for 5 months; paternity leave did not exist until 2013 and currently stands at 4 days. This shapes habits. Women here feel that they are unsupported, although on paper they do enjoy benefits such as subsidized childcare, and the target of their blame is the government. In return they feel little shame for working around the system, as do their employers (who employ loopholes). Unlike the Germans and Swedes, they make use of low cost private labor as nannies and cleaners, and had the lowest levels of male participation at home.
The US has an extreme form of the liberal (free market) model. (Other Anglophone countries follow this model to some extent, especially for childcare, but none to this extreme.) Unsurprisingly, given the low level of supports in the USA, the stories here were the most depressing. American women have low expectations and blame their stress and conflict on their failure to make poor choices and manage their situation--not on their employers' unrealistic expectations of them as ideal workers, or the poor state of US childcare. They consider themselves "lucky" when things work for them, even when they're just getting their legal rights such as lactation time. They experienced the highest level of conflict between ideals--the "ideal worker" and the intensive mothering expected of them as middle class parents. They also had the highest levels of financial stress and the highest need for outsourcing of labor. Although couples paid lip service to egalitarianism, it didn't bear out in practice in most cases, even in couples that had been egalitarian prior to children.
The clearest message here is that "What women want" isn't innate or an absolute: women's wants are shaped by policy and culture, and our choices are made in response to the incentives we have. In the US, we have a tendency to brush off women's decisions about motherhood as "choices," as if that represents our ideal and our heart's desire. It does not. It represents what a woman thinks is the best option available to her in a given scenario, not necessarily what she would choose to do in a universe of infinite options. It's also clear that there is a need for buy-in on multiple fronts for women to be supported. Although German and Italian mothers are not as poorly supported as American ones, they, too, report conflict because they lack full buy-in. The US fails here not only because of our hyper-individualism, but because policy solutions are often stymied by out insistence on seeing decisions about women's work and support as a moral question. We are taught to resent "paying for others," but we continually treat issues surrounding childcare as a woman's problem that is her job to handle.
Although Collins' fieldwork is limited by necessity (she spent a summer in each country interviewing women, so this limited her geographic scope) she does an excellent job of presenting the women's stories. I believe this was PhD research, but it's clearly written and an excellent read. It's not a journalistic "Europe does it better" book, but one that non-judgmentally seeks to see what each model does better and worse. Even in Sweden, where the overall picture is excellent, she's rigorous in reporting remaining issues, and in all cases, she brings up examples where well intended policies had unintended consequences.
As Collins points out, each country exists in its own context and we cannot conjure up Sweden--in part because we lack the tight sense of cohesion and communal responsibility that the Swedes have. While Collins doesn't get into this, the Swedish model also rests on support for other forms of caring for the disabled and elderly, which often also rest on women. Moreover, I suspect that even in an ideal world, the US' diversity would probably demand more diverse models. However, there's a lot to learn from here--if only more of us would listen.
Sweden follows a social-democratic framework, in which the government and the people consider children a shared social responsibility, and the goal is to promote equality. To this end, services are universal and extensive, with some means testing (for example, childcare is based on income, but is capped at approximately US$160/mo). Policies are tweaked to ensure that goals are being met: for example, parental leave was adjusted to increase fathers' uptake, though currently, women still take more leave. Swedish women report the highest levels of satisfaction with the system (80% report job satisfaction) and the levels of support available. What's clear, though, is that the system relies on a three legged stool of support--not just government policy but businesses and society as a whole. Pregnancy is treated as a norm at work and Swedish families report the highest levels of egalitarianism at home. This results in the highest level of labor participation at 84%, with 63% working full time. Swedish mothers felt that working was the norm and that being a housewife was actively stigmatized. Swedes, unlike other countries, felt that daycare was better placed than family members (84% vs 10%) to care for children past the age of 1.
Although Sweden is the most egalitarian of the countries surveyed (and in the top few spots worldwide) it is not perfectly so. There is still a pay gap and mothers are more likely to work in the public sector. Women did report some pressure regarding mothering norms, including pressure not to leave their children in daycare too late (the ideal seemed to be between 3-4pm).
Germany presented an interesting case because of the differing histories in East and West Germany. For this reason, Collins did research in both parts of Germany. The western model, still reflected in much government policy, is a conservative one, with strong state involvement but one aimed at supporting a "traditional" family with a primary breadwinner (still a model prioritized by the tax system and school hours). There has been movement towards more support for working mothers, but it's a work in progress. In East Germany, however, the model was a two earner family, with women returning to work relatively quickly after childbirth. Working with children under 3 remains more common in the former East, which retains a stronger childcare infrastructure (public Kitas). However, the women in eastern Germany had a preference for "working, but not too much"--a preference for part time work, which was widely available even in white collar jobs. Women here experienced their conflict as one with social ideals, especially in western Germany where working mothers are derided with the term "Rabensmütter", and discrimination against mothers. The former policy of 3 years maternity leave, which sounds generous to Americans, was resented by women as they felt judged for not taking it.
Italy's model is familialist: it relies on extended family networks. Maternity leave is mandatory for 5 months; paternity leave did not exist until 2013 and currently stands at 4 days. This shapes habits. Women here feel that they are unsupported, although on paper they do enjoy benefits such as subsidized childcare, and the target of their blame is the government. In return they feel little shame for working around the system, as do their employers (who employ loopholes). Unlike the Germans and Swedes, they make use of low cost private labor as nannies and cleaners, and had the lowest levels of male participation at home.
The US has an extreme form of the liberal (free market) model. (Other Anglophone countries follow this model to some extent, especially for childcare, but none to this extreme.) Unsurprisingly, given the low level of supports in the USA, the stories here were the most depressing. American women have low expectations and blame their stress and conflict on their failure to make poor choices and manage their situation--not on their employers' unrealistic expectations of them as ideal workers, or the poor state of US childcare. They consider themselves "lucky" when things work for them, even when they're just getting their legal rights such as lactation time. They experienced the highest level of conflict between ideals--the "ideal worker" and the intensive mothering expected of them as middle class parents. They also had the highest levels of financial stress and the highest need for outsourcing of labor. Although couples paid lip service to egalitarianism, it didn't bear out in practice in most cases, even in couples that had been egalitarian prior to children.
The clearest message here is that "What women want" isn't innate or an absolute: women's wants are shaped by policy and culture, and our choices are made in response to the incentives we have. In the US, we have a tendency to brush off women's decisions about motherhood as "choices," as if that represents our ideal and our heart's desire. It does not. It represents what a woman thinks is the best option available to her in a given scenario, not necessarily what she would choose to do in a universe of infinite options. It's also clear that there is a need for buy-in on multiple fronts for women to be supported. Although German and Italian mothers are not as poorly supported as American ones, they, too, report conflict because they lack full buy-in. The US fails here not only because of our hyper-individualism, but because policy solutions are often stymied by out insistence on seeing decisions about women's work and support as a moral question. We are taught to resent "paying for others," but we continually treat issues surrounding childcare as a woman's problem that is her job to handle.
Although Collins' fieldwork is limited by necessity (she spent a summer in each country interviewing women, so this limited her geographic scope) she does an excellent job of presenting the women's stories. I believe this was PhD research, but it's clearly written and an excellent read. It's not a journalistic "Europe does it better" book, but one that non-judgmentally seeks to see what each model does better and worse. Even in Sweden, where the overall picture is excellent, she's rigorous in reporting remaining issues, and in all cases, she brings up examples where well intended policies had unintended consequences.
As Collins points out, each country exists in its own context and we cannot conjure up Sweden--in part because we lack the tight sense of cohesion and communal responsibility that the Swedes have. While Collins doesn't get into this, the Swedish model also rests on support for other forms of caring for the disabled and elderly, which often also rest on women. Moreover, I suspect that even in an ideal world, the US' diversity would probably demand more diverse models. However, there's a lot to learn from here--if only more of us would listen.
October 8, 2023
incredible. i think everyone who is thinking about becoming a parent at some point in their life or another needs to read this book!
July 21, 2024
I found this book to be fascinating. It made me remember why I loved sociology courses in college! I learned so much about the experience of motherhood in countries besides the US and about what policies and cultural shifts are actually working to make mothers feel more content. It really made me think about how things could be different in the US and also challenged some of my long held notions about what the most effective solutions are. Limitations to the book are that her overall pool of research participants was very small and largely reflective of the authors shared identity with the participants (White, middle class women in primarily European countries). She addresses these limitations in the book and shares the reasons why she feels the participant pool was limited, as well as how this may have influenced the results of her research. Overall, highly recommend if you are interested in improving the state of motherhood in your own country.
March 19, 2020
Very interesting perspective and I could tell the author put a lot of work into the research!
August 2, 2025
“Saving mothers from drowning in stress should be a national priority.”
Are you a mom who would like to feel simultaneously validated and completely enraged? Then this is the book for you! This look at how mothers around the world handle their “work-family conflict” is fascinating and had me shaking my head and nodding along through the whole book.
5 ⭐️
Are you a mom who would like to feel simultaneously validated and completely enraged? Then this is the book for you! This look at how mothers around the world handle their “work-family conflict” is fascinating and had me shaking my head and nodding along through the whole book.
5 ⭐️
March 27, 2019
This book was fantastic. It was about how motherhood/working look in other countries. The author went to Sweden, Germany, and Italy to compare to the United States and it was incredibly enlightening. While of course, everyone has a different experience based on their unique circumstances, there were generalities across a specific society. Sweden (along with other Nordic countries) is held up as the gold standard. Of course there are problems there also as no where is perfect but working mothers don't have the life balance issues they have here. They are also the closest to being egalitarian with the fathers participating in their children's lives and doing their share of the domestic labor. They also have the most progressive government policies for supporting families.
Italy and Germany had different issues but what was interesting was that they still had more than we do here in the USA. Italian families have a lot more help with extended family, paid domestic help, and maternity benefits. The men there are considered lazy and selfish by many but the women tend to blame the social culture for that rather than the men themselves. Germany has many policies (some helpful, some restrictive although they were meant to be helpful) to help families but there are conflicts between the East/West Germany cultures. However, they offer part time careers in a way that America doesn't. They also have comprehensive, high quality subsidized child care (in most places) and maternity/paternity benefits. They also have problems, of course, but they blame their government for not being more supportive, they don't blame themselves.
This leads us to the United States. Our work/family balance was the worst here by far. The stress and pressures on mothers (this book focused on working mothers so that's why that is what I keep saying) was the worst by far. The government policies in place not only didn't help but they tend to hurt. There isn't a system of health care to cover all, there isn't subsidized high quality child care, there isn't maternity/paternity leave (some companies do have it but most people do not have this benefit) , and most companies still operate under the assumption that the employee has a stay at home spouse devoted to taking care of everything related to the children, the household, and the business of life so that employee is free to devote themselves completely to their job.
The pressures on mothers here and the expectations they are held to are unrealistic and only serve to make mothers feel guilty. I, personally, do not experience this mom guilt, and I wonder if it's because I can see that it's not me that's the problem, it's our societal culture. It simply isn't possible to do what we're being told we are expected to do and especially without any help. Unlike other countries, women here blame themselves. They believe that if they were just more organized, worked faster and harder, gave up more of themselves, that it would all work out. They can't, of course, because it's not realistic and then blame themselves and feel like failures. (of course all of this is general so the "this isnt' my life" personal anecdotes are just that, personal anecdotes and reflect an individual and not our culture at large)
American individualism has a lot to do with the problem, this idea that we should be able to do it all alone. The idea of government policies being involved is considered come kind of cop-out to those who think we should be able to magically overcome the obstacles and lack of time, energy, resources, ability to only be in one place at a time, and somehow accomplish all that's required. That simply isn't realistic and to me, that's obvious, which is why I'm so vocal about it.
It also talked about this idea of the fumbling man-child and I also think that is ridiculous. Men are not stupid creatures who can't handle doing things like taking care of their own children, household chores, making appointments, etc. They are more than capable and it's not funny or cute when they don't do their share and rolling of the eyes and excusing it as "men are just dumb" is an insult
Overall, enlightening read and her conclusions resonated strongly with me.
Italy and Germany had different issues but what was interesting was that they still had more than we do here in the USA. Italian families have a lot more help with extended family, paid domestic help, and maternity benefits. The men there are considered lazy and selfish by many but the women tend to blame the social culture for that rather than the men themselves. Germany has many policies (some helpful, some restrictive although they were meant to be helpful) to help families but there are conflicts between the East/West Germany cultures. However, they offer part time careers in a way that America doesn't. They also have comprehensive, high quality subsidized child care (in most places) and maternity/paternity benefits. They also have problems, of course, but they blame their government for not being more supportive, they don't blame themselves.
This leads us to the United States. Our work/family balance was the worst here by far. The stress and pressures on mothers (this book focused on working mothers so that's why that is what I keep saying) was the worst by far. The government policies in place not only didn't help but they tend to hurt. There isn't a system of health care to cover all, there isn't subsidized high quality child care, there isn't maternity/paternity leave (some companies do have it but most people do not have this benefit) , and most companies still operate under the assumption that the employee has a stay at home spouse devoted to taking care of everything related to the children, the household, and the business of life so that employee is free to devote themselves completely to their job.
The pressures on mothers here and the expectations they are held to are unrealistic and only serve to make mothers feel guilty. I, personally, do not experience this mom guilt, and I wonder if it's because I can see that it's not me that's the problem, it's our societal culture. It simply isn't possible to do what we're being told we are expected to do and especially without any help. Unlike other countries, women here blame themselves. They believe that if they were just more organized, worked faster and harder, gave up more of themselves, that it would all work out. They can't, of course, because it's not realistic and then blame themselves and feel like failures. (of course all of this is general so the "this isnt' my life" personal anecdotes are just that, personal anecdotes and reflect an individual and not our culture at large)
American individualism has a lot to do with the problem, this idea that we should be able to do it all alone. The idea of government policies being involved is considered come kind of cop-out to those who think we should be able to magically overcome the obstacles and lack of time, energy, resources, ability to only be in one place at a time, and somehow accomplish all that's required. That simply isn't realistic and to me, that's obvious, which is why I'm so vocal about it.
It also talked about this idea of the fumbling man-child and I also think that is ridiculous. Men are not stupid creatures who can't handle doing things like taking care of their own children, household chores, making appointments, etc. They are more than capable and it's not funny or cute when they don't do their share and rolling of the eyes and excusing it as "men are just dumb" is an insult
Overall, enlightening read and her conclusions resonated strongly with me.
August 25, 2021
I’ll start with the positives. Collins did a great job conducting her own interviews, researching systems from various countries, and addressing true daily concerns of working men and women alike. Other than that, this book completely misses the mark for readers who want to know how to become more wealthy and free overall. The book instead focuses on perceived injustices between the sexes, races, and various income levels.
This is a feminist manifesto.
If you’re the type of person who likes to sound smart at parties by pointing out wage gaps, you’ll be highly satisfied with the new material Collins delivers in this book.
If you’re a truly exhausted parent who is searching for answers when it comes to work/life balance, you’re out of luck.
It’s clear Collins hates men, but it’s even clearer she’s never studied economics or finance. I would have loved to read more about how parents can secure enough passive income to be able to afford not to struggle for pithy wages and “benefits” to support the household. The ideas in this book are poison to the working class which will turn men, women, and their elected officials against one another.
This is a feminist manifesto.
If you’re the type of person who likes to sound smart at parties by pointing out wage gaps, you’ll be highly satisfied with the new material Collins delivers in this book.
If you’re a truly exhausted parent who is searching for answers when it comes to work/life balance, you’re out of luck.
It’s clear Collins hates men, but it’s even clearer she’s never studied economics or finance. I would have loved to read more about how parents can secure enough passive income to be able to afford not to struggle for pithy wages and “benefits” to support the household. The ideas in this book are poison to the working class which will turn men, women, and their elected officials against one another.
August 17, 2023
I got really really mad when I read this book. You will too.
One observation I have though, and Caitlyn alludes to it, somewhat indirectly... is the impact that cultural and societal attitudes and norms play on how parental benefits are accepted. Some consider it a right, a given, some a privilege. The US has a Stockholm syndrome trauma response where we're thankful for nothing.
Regardless of your thoughts about gender roles and equality... moms do not have it easy.
Here's my story, and I'm sure a million other moms have the same or worse.
I got 6 weeks leave when I had my first. I worked the day before I went into labor. I went in the hospital at 6 AM, she was born at 10 pm. We went home 2 days later. My second pregnancy was high risk twins. I had to sit in the hospital for 40 days before they were born. They pulled them out forcibly at 32 weeks and spent 26 days in the NICU. I had to have my gall bladder removed after 6 weeks. And I was back to work at 8 weeks. Daycare cost twice my house payment. We could barely afford insurance. When our oldest started pre-k, my husband had to quit working so she could go. He stayed home and got depressed for 18 months, and then his mom quit working and watched the kids and managed the pre-k shuffle. The twins got special services but had to be in different classes, so only one teacher qualified and they had to do one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Part time after school day care when they all started school full time, full time summer day care, not including Fridays is still twice my house payment. Sometimes my job is so busy I don't get to see my kids, and sometimes I'm so exhausted I'm an awful mom. I was thankful for some work from home days after Covid just to manage school drop off and laundry. I'm divorced now, but I did the majority of the house maintenance and all the cooking. I'm the keeper of the schedules and lists and vacations. After the divorce, I only added yard work to my list. Thankfully, my kids are great people and we have a strong bond. But the mom guilt is terrible. But I had to do it all, and it freaking sucks. I'd kill for some of the benefits these women in other countries get. Even just the ability to afford help would be life-altering.
One observation I have though, and Caitlyn alludes to it, somewhat indirectly... is the impact that cultural and societal attitudes and norms play on how parental benefits are accepted. Some consider it a right, a given, some a privilege. The US has a Stockholm syndrome trauma response where we're thankful for nothing.
Regardless of your thoughts about gender roles and equality... moms do not have it easy.
Here's my story, and I'm sure a million other moms have the same or worse.
I got 6 weeks leave when I had my first. I worked the day before I went into labor. I went in the hospital at 6 AM, she was born at 10 pm. We went home 2 days later. My second pregnancy was high risk twins. I had to sit in the hospital for 40 days before they were born. They pulled them out forcibly at 32 weeks and spent 26 days in the NICU. I had to have my gall bladder removed after 6 weeks. And I was back to work at 8 weeks. Daycare cost twice my house payment. We could barely afford insurance. When our oldest started pre-k, my husband had to quit working so she could go. He stayed home and got depressed for 18 months, and then his mom quit working and watched the kids and managed the pre-k shuffle. The twins got special services but had to be in different classes, so only one teacher qualified and they had to do one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Part time after school day care when they all started school full time, full time summer day care, not including Fridays is still twice my house payment. Sometimes my job is so busy I don't get to see my kids, and sometimes I'm so exhausted I'm an awful mom. I was thankful for some work from home days after Covid just to manage school drop off and laundry. I'm divorced now, but I did the majority of the house maintenance and all the cooking. I'm the keeper of the schedules and lists and vacations. After the divorce, I only added yard work to my list. Thankfully, my kids are great people and we have a strong bond. But the mom guilt is terrible. But I had to do it all, and it freaking sucks. I'd kill for some of the benefits these women in other countries get. Even just the ability to afford help would be life-altering.
September 16, 2021
This book is phenomenal in every sense. If you want to know how other countries manage work-family CONFLICT (not “balance”) this book will take you through Sweden, East Germany, West Germany, Italy, and the US (organized from best to worst, btw). Don’t have kids? This book is still for you- you are part of some family and this book encompasses family accommodation policies to include kids, elders, and other relatives in need of care.
If you are struggling with stress and depression because you “can’t make it all work” this will book will show you you’re not alone and there is a very specific reason why you feel that way. It’s significant to note that the Swedish and Berlin women were okay and “it’s easy to have kids.” The West German women were like “it’s not ideal, but we’re in a transition so have patience.” The Italian women were angry because they know how much better it can be. And the American women? They all started sobbing during the interviews.
As an American mother, pages 238-241 described me in detail. I’m unused to reading myself in the pages of a nonfiction book. It left me shaken, feeling like I wanted to sob, and angry all at the same time. It also made me wonder to what extent I mitigate the conflict, on what ways do I challenge it, and how I may be unconsciously reinforcing it.
But the concluding point is the most important: we made the system and we can change the system.
If you are struggling with stress and depression because you “can’t make it all work” this will book will show you you’re not alone and there is a very specific reason why you feel that way. It’s significant to note that the Swedish and Berlin women were okay and “it’s easy to have kids.” The West German women were like “it’s not ideal, but we’re in a transition so have patience.” The Italian women were angry because they know how much better it can be. And the American women? They all started sobbing during the interviews.
As an American mother, pages 238-241 described me in detail. I’m unused to reading myself in the pages of a nonfiction book. It left me shaken, feeling like I wanted to sob, and angry all at the same time. It also made me wonder to what extent I mitigate the conflict, on what ways do I challenge it, and how I may be unconsciously reinforcing it.
But the concluding point is the most important: we made the system and we can change the system.
June 7, 2024
4 stars for this book I heard about during an author interview on Ezra Klein’s podcast.
I enjoyed the way the author looked at both the national policy and the real life perspectives from mothers and the cultural norms.
The chapter on the U.S. was depressing as she highlights the lack of national policies to support mothers and families. “The U.S. is the only economically developed country in the world that doesn’t guarantee workers paid vacation or holidays.”
It also discussed how in the U.S. the mother is still expected to give up her career for the child because the father is the main breadwinner. The model in Sweden is much more egalitarian, with both parents taking an EQUAL amount of leave and then the child goes into state funded childcare.
Interesting insight on the importance of cultural norms to mothers as well, especially the difference between east and west Germany. In addition, she perfectly highlighted the stigma working mothers in corporate America face where you’re supposed to be the “ideal worker” and have work as your number 1 priority, not mentioning your kids.
Lastly, I enjoyed learning how as American’s we’re used to no help, so we have all this gratitude for pumping rooms (which are legally mandated), and support groups at work even though its a corrupt system that is making women come back to work only weeks after giving birth….No wonder so many American moms are pushed out of the workforce.
I enjoyed the way the author looked at both the national policy and the real life perspectives from mothers and the cultural norms.
The chapter on the U.S. was depressing as she highlights the lack of national policies to support mothers and families. “The U.S. is the only economically developed country in the world that doesn’t guarantee workers paid vacation or holidays.”
It also discussed how in the U.S. the mother is still expected to give up her career for the child because the father is the main breadwinner. The model in Sweden is much more egalitarian, with both parents taking an EQUAL amount of leave and then the child goes into state funded childcare.
Interesting insight on the importance of cultural norms to mothers as well, especially the difference between east and west Germany. In addition, she perfectly highlighted the stigma working mothers in corporate America face where you’re supposed to be the “ideal worker” and have work as your number 1 priority, not mentioning your kids.
Lastly, I enjoyed learning how as American’s we’re used to no help, so we have all this gratitude for pumping rooms (which are legally mandated), and support groups at work even though its a corrupt system that is making women come back to work only weeks after giving birth….No wonder so many American moms are pushed out of the workforce.
January 5, 2023
A feminist, liberal manifesto of an American who wishes they lived in tax-laden Sweden. Terrible book, lacking in economic statistics. And it doesn't even consider that maybe birthing moms don't need to work while they raise their kids - a novel idea that would negate all of these policies. If we did that, we could better support the moms who still do need to work to survive. America is so absorbed with comparing ourselves to everyone else.
This book is good if you want to look at how terrible the work-life balance is for working American mothers (and the wage gap). But it does nothing to solve this problem, or encourage mothers in any scenario they might be in. This book degrades mothers who choose to stay at home with their kids, and praises working moms. It pushes universal childcare and paid parental leave to mimic other developed countries, but doesn't even begin to analyze the downsides these countries experience because of these policies (ie massively larger taxes). Imagine a couple who doesn't have kids paying 40% in taxes just so their neighbor can take two years of paid maternity leave to have their child and not have to work at all. There is nothing fair about that at all.
Overall, a good book for learning about how liberals think on this topic, but nothing else.
This book is good if you want to look at how terrible the work-life balance is for working American mothers (and the wage gap). But it does nothing to solve this problem, or encourage mothers in any scenario they might be in. This book degrades mothers who choose to stay at home with their kids, and praises working moms. It pushes universal childcare and paid parental leave to mimic other developed countries, but doesn't even begin to analyze the downsides these countries experience because of these policies (ie massively larger taxes). Imagine a couple who doesn't have kids paying 40% in taxes just so their neighbor can take two years of paid maternity leave to have their child and not have to work at all. There is nothing fair about that at all.
Overall, a good book for learning about how liberals think on this topic, but nothing else.
March 27, 2024
Illuminating research told in an accessible and engaging way. Collins makes the case — through the words of working mothers she interviewed in Sweden, Germany, Italy, and the United States — that government policies and cultural norms *together* impact women’s experience of work and family in each country.
I wish I had read this book before moving from the United States to a very conservative area of Germany, as part of an ambitious two-career couple with three young kids. The family supports in Germany are mind-boggling; but so are the fact that school ends in the middle of the day, supposedly guaranteed childcare spots are rare, and full-time babysitters are unheard of. Soon enough, I learned the slur “raven mother.”
My US employer’s expectations of workers crashed into Germany’s expectations of mothers, and the result was a stressful mess. This book put my personal experience in the context of western Germany’s changing policy and cultural landscape.
While Collins takes pains to point out the up- and downsides of each country’s system, I imagine many readers will want to move to Sweden.
In the audiobook, the narrator gives life and dimension to the interviewees’ stories — very well done.
I wish I had read this book before moving from the United States to a very conservative area of Germany, as part of an ambitious two-career couple with three young kids. The family supports in Germany are mind-boggling; but so are the fact that school ends in the middle of the day, supposedly guaranteed childcare spots are rare, and full-time babysitters are unheard of. Soon enough, I learned the slur “raven mother.”
My US employer’s expectations of workers crashed into Germany’s expectations of mothers, and the result was a stressful mess. This book put my personal experience in the context of western Germany’s changing policy and cultural landscape.
While Collins takes pains to point out the up- and downsides of each country’s system, I imagine many readers will want to move to Sweden.
In the audiobook, the narrator gives life and dimension to the interviewees’ stories — very well done.
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October 21, 2024A good overview of work-family policies and social norms in a handful of Western countries and how women work with/in spite of these to manage motherhood and work outside the home.
I thought this book looked at this issue in a few insightful ways: looking at the policies not in a vacuum, but in the context of the cultures that created them, as well as the way that social and cultural norms affect the decisions parents actually make.
Sweden is often held up as an example of an ideal place for work-life balance, and this author/book ultimately upheld this view, but the interviewees brought up a cultural norm that I thought was really interesting. She writes about how the women she interviewed didn't feel like they had a choice NOT to work. This was partly due to income structures and needs in Sweden, but even more due to the social norm. Because the policies make it so easy to do both, they believed a woman who chose to stay home with their kids would be looked on as strange, and this didn't feel like a legitimate choice. A different problem than those faced by the women in the other countries profiled, but a problem nonetheless.
The differences that culture/history made in the policies and experiences of mothers in East vs. Western Germany was also really fascinating.
I thought this book looked at this issue in a few insightful ways: looking at the policies not in a vacuum, but in the context of the cultures that created them, as well as the way that social and cultural norms affect the decisions parents actually make.
Sweden is often held up as an example of an ideal place for work-life balance, and this author/book ultimately upheld this view, but the interviewees brought up a cultural norm that I thought was really interesting. She writes about how the women she interviewed didn't feel like they had a choice NOT to work. This was partly due to income structures and needs in Sweden, but even more due to the social norm. Because the policies make it so easy to do both, they believed a woman who chose to stay home with their kids would be looked on as strange, and this didn't feel like a legitimate choice. A different problem than those faced by the women in the other countries profiled, but a problem nonetheless.
The differences that culture/history made in the policies and experiences of mothers in East vs. Western Germany was also really fascinating.
October 17, 2019
Everyone should read this! Although the focus of the book is on the struggles of working mothers in five case study countries/regions (Sweden, East Germany, West Germany, Italy, and USA), she contextualizes all five cases within the lack of respect for caregiving roles in all of these countries. This book is pretty depressing at times: spoiler alert, no mother has it easy, ever, in any context. But her comparison of work/family policies across her study regions made me think critically about what policies would and wouldn't support my family and the families of my friends. I feel like I have a more holistic understanding of how policy supports might ease the burden of parenting for all parents, not just working mothers, and I feel more empowered to advocate for policy change and to evaluate politicians on this point.
January 13, 2024
Solid sociology research comparison of policies in Sweden, Germany, Italy, and US. Focuses on middle class women, and predominantly white except in the US, citing that these women are the "canaries in the coal mine" of systems that hurt less advantaged women even more. One of the biggest aha moments for me was how the culture needs to be there for the policy to work, which we see in all sorts of policy spaces - you can't have a flexible work policy that helps people if it's taboo to take it. I also learned a lot from the helpful description of the "earner-carer" model in Sweden that values both equally, the emphasis on how part-time work helps German mothers so much, how "one size fits all" doesn't work for these policies if women want a different model for their life, and the different perspectives of having other carers help raise kids.
May 13, 2024
If you’re a mother in the United States, then you’re already fully aware of the poor reality working mothers face. This book is even more eye opening as it explores the different realities and pressures of working mothers across the US, Italy, Germany, and Sweden. In fact, as an American mom it can make you even more angry at the lack of support and benefits for working moms in the States.
I like how the author lays out some of the gaps and biases in her research (for example, her study focuses primarily on middle class working moms as she explains she found difficulty in getting moms to respond who fit in lower class income brackets despite her efforts). I also liked the firsthand accounts and interviews from women in the four countries she studied.
I like how the author lays out some of the gaps and biases in her research (for example, her study focuses primarily on middle class working moms as she explains she found difficulty in getting moms to respond who fit in lower class income brackets despite her efforts). I also liked the firsthand accounts and interviews from women in the four countries she studied.
October 18, 2020
This book was researched and written pre-pandemic, but it provides a lot of good resources and ways to think about how we think of childcare as a policy issue as opposed to a personal issue. Prof. Collins demonstrates through in-depth interviews and analysis ways that we can rethink ways as a country how to provide structures that support parents and children. It is well written and thoughtfully researched. I think that this is essential reading to our nationwide conversation about how to address our lack of attention to childcare and support for parents.
August 1, 2022
An interesting study on how the difference in parental leave policies and governmental family supports between 4 countries (Sweden, Germany, Italy, USA) leads to radically different experiences for working mothers and their families. The academic style of this book made it a dry read and possibly inaccessible to a wider readership. That's a shame since it offers important insights into how to make life better for working parents from a policy standpoint.
November 16, 2020
Great comparative analysis
Collins provides a well crafted comparative analysis on how different welfare states interact with societal norms to produce different types of life-work circumstances to which women have to adapt in order to fulfil the role of mothers and workers. Qualitative in nature, a quantitative study of similar scope is urgently needed
Collins provides a well crafted comparative analysis on how different welfare states interact with societal norms to produce different types of life-work circumstances to which women have to adapt in order to fulfil the role of mothers and workers. Qualitative in nature, a quantitative study of similar scope is urgently needed
March 18, 2021
**Read for my 2021 gender and sexuality comprehensive exams**
This was really good! I liked the author's call to action and how we should build solidarity to support working mothers (and therefore all workers) through cultural and policy changes. I also appreciated the emphasis on the fact that the system we have now is not what is destined to be forever... we can change it, together.
This was really good! I liked the author's call to action and how we should build solidarity to support working mothers (and therefore all workers) through cultural and policy changes. I also appreciated the emphasis on the fact that the system we have now is not what is destined to be forever... we can change it, together.
April 23, 2019
A book that asks women around the world how the different policies affect them as mothers. The US needs to do better (as we all know) and it was interesting to see how women around the world view motherhood.
June 10, 2019
Fascinating, thought provoking, and timely. Definitely the appropriate rebuttal to a lean in model of working motherhood... More people need to be talking about work family justice instead of "balance"
April 20, 2024
Very interesting to learn how social policies in different countries shaped the cultural beliefs and practices about parenthood in 4 countries, and these policies are also shaped by pre-existing cultural norms.
October 26, 2024
Excellent look at cultural norms and policies around motherhood in different countries. Highly recommend for policy makers and business owners so they can consider how to make America more family friendly and reduce stress on working mothers.
May 26, 2019
An interesting look at motherhood in four countries (and a deep dive into the difference between East and West Germany).
I'll say I'm ready to move to Sweden. If only Jesse were down!
I'll say I'm ready to move to Sweden. If only Jesse were down!
December 21, 2020
Excellent research and great in-depth explanations of various cultural forces working against working mothers. The U.S. is way behind other countries, but we already knew that.
March 11, 2023
I really like the scientific basis of this book!
October 11, 2023
A necessary read. Incredibly heart breaking but at the same time inspiring. Change is on the horizon.
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