The Way Out: How to Overcome Toxic Polarization

by Peter T Coleman

The partisan divide in the United States has widened to a chasm. Legislators vote along party lines and rarely cross the aisle. Political polarization is personal, too—and it is making us miserable. Surveys show that Americans have become more fearful and hateful of supporters of the opposing political party and imagine that they hold much more extreme views than they actually do. We have cordoned ourselves we prefer to date and marry those with similar opinions and are less willing to spend time with people on the other side. How can we loosen the grip of this toxic polarization and start working on our most pressing problems?The Way Out offers an escape from this morass. The social psychologist Peter T. Coleman explores how conflict resolution and complexity science provide guidance for dealing with seemingly intractable political differences. Deploying the concept of attractors in dynamical systems, he explains why we are stuck in this rut as well as the unexpected ways that deeply rooted oppositions can and do change. Coleman meticulously details principles and practices for navigating and healing the difficult divides in our homes, workplaces, and communities, blending compelling personal accounts from his years of working on entrenched conflicts with lessons from leading-edge research. The Way Out is a vital and timely guide to breaking free from the cycle of mutual contempt in order to better our lives, relationships, and country.

Genres: Politics, Nonfiction, Sociology, Leadership, Psychology, Society, Audiobook

298 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2021

Reviews

[Jeff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Conflicts as Advanced Mathematics and Theoretical Astrophysics. I gotta admit, as a more "hard" science / numbers guy, when I saw that Coleman's solution here was based in the realms of advanced mathematics and theoretical astrophysics - gravity wells, complexity theory, etc - I was astonished to see someone put into words ideas I'd long thought of in conflicts in my own life. Though the way Coleman is much more systematic and systemic about them is simply phenomenal bordering on the profound. Yes, the man is an admitted progressive and yes, some of his throw away level comments are solidly from that perspective, but if you're of a type who would normally throw a book down in disgust just over those points alone (or if you're the type who would do those if he were an admitted conservative making similar comments)... you're pretty well exactly who needs to read this book anyway. ;) Pretty spectacular, and a *needed* read pretty well right this second - I write this review at the beginning of US Presidential Inauguration Week 2021, nearly six full months before the book's scheduled publication at the beginning of June. Something tells me the book will be at least as relevant as it currently is at that point, and you should absolutely read and strongly consider Coleman's points as soon as you can. Very much recommended.

[Seha Ozgur · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think the author nails it. Simply and clearly written, accessible. His assessment of the underlying dynamics, the role of complexity and his suggested solutions are realistic and resonate with my own experience of polarization, attraction/addiction to conflict and situations where it was actually succesfully overcome. Must read.

[Dara Grey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Starts out seemingly hopelessly naïve. Tries hard to break out and simplify many new and complex concepts. Really great ideas but so dense that it's a longer read than its brief length might initially suggest. Still very much worth the time to read.

[John Hopkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Peter T. Coleman's book makes me hopeful we can work our way out of the social gridlock we're in. Not hopeful as in, the sun will rise tomorrow, but hopeful because Coleman offers practical steps we can use. The work won't be easy but I think it can succeed. By the way, don't be discouraged if the psychology discussion is hard going for you at first. Please persist; you'll find it rewarding.

[John D. Arnold · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoughtful and useful

Coleman comes from an academic background and he doesn’t over-simplify his material or his message. But he makes complicated ideas understandable and he provides clear guidance on how you can use the information to, perhaps, find a way out of the numerous blind-belief-charged circumstances in which we so often are finding ourselves.

[Keane Neal-Riquier · Rating 5 out of 5]

This books draws a map to the political and social nuance that is missing in the United States today. With a objective step back, this book can reach both sides of the aisle to help us all discover The Way Out.

[LJ Fountain · Rating 5 out of 5]

An intellectual look at today's divided world with practical steps to determine what role you might play in decreasing the tension. It is research based. It is not a quick read nor an easy one. It does however bring light to the ongoing cycles humans run in escalating violence.

[Terry Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book does a good job of detailing how polarization happens and how not to counter it. The way out, however, is a matter of collective effort that will be a challenge to coordinate and will require a significant amount of patience.

[Trond Løkling · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant

Wow! Coleman has written one of the best books about conflict. Ethos, pathos and logos in superb harmony! Smart advices for practice also

[Cynthia J · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful and hopeful. Lots of good resource material here.

[Nicole Carey · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a student in conflict negotiation, I found this book incredibly informational, while a challenge to read at times, only because it was heavy in 'study.' He uses a vast combination of physics, neuroscience, and psychology to explain the nature of conflict and how humans navigate (or not) through it. The author shares similar political beliefs but I found this to be an unnecessary distraction. I appreciated the last few chapters most when he dug into the 'hows' of moving forward, working through conflict (even as he used the Israeli/Palestinian and Democrat/Republican as prime examples), and strategies to de-escalate the conversation in order to find common ground and make constructive progress. I enjoyed the read and realize to fully understand the history, the psychology, and the human journey, this is a mere scrape of the surface of conflict, specifically, toxic polarization.

[Aaron · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a book for the “Trump Deranged”, anti-conservative, anti-religious, immoral individuals that think they are the elite and know how to solve everyone else’s conflicts by just going over to the liberal and the left. Everyone else is just stupid, nuts, and irrational. The author can’t help himself with his bias and Trump dementia.

Maybe the author should use the principals he espouses and get off his high horse and look at things from the aforementioned views in the previous paragraph. Physician, heal thyself. Then I could consider the methods you propose to healing conflict and polarization.

[Marlena · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book because I am fascinated by the topic, but I had to put it down after 100 pages. It reads like a heady dissertation and is incredibly textbook-like. I wish it was written as a plain-language conversation, which would make it much more accessible to a larger audience and could, therefore, have a greater impact on more people. If I wasn't dozing off, I found myself editing sentences while reading because they were so unnecessarily complicated; like filling your essays with fluff words in grade school to try and make your paper look longer and smarter. The way out of toxic polarization, for me, was returning this book to the library.

[Edith Middleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am in absolute awe of Professor Coleman! This book helped me see my doctoral research in a whole new light, instead of looking at what's wrong, I've switched to looking at what's working.

"What does it look like when people choose, intentionally, to alter their behavioral reactions and swim against a strong cultural riptide like ours?... it looks like you, waking up tomorrow morning and deciding to join or create a new microculture in your home, workplace, or community that will help reduce the toxicity and hate in your life, begin to repair broken relationships, and start you on a new path. It looks exactly like that." (p. 217) 🩵💫🩵✨🩵

[Darnell · Rating 2 out of 5]

A common problem for political philosophy books is spending a long time developing a theoretical structure, then rephrasing common understandings of problems and solutions in this structure. In my opinion, this one is hugely guilty of this.

Mapping discourse as a gravitational field looks interesting, but does it actually promote understanding? I feel that it doesn't, and in fact it encourages over-simplification: the idea of primary and latent attractors suggests that a person's overall position is dominated by single causes instead of emerging out of a mix. It's artificial rigor.

[Meghan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Full of good information, but the language is extremely academic and abstract, which could make the content a bit less approachable and actionable. In addition to offering methods to combat polarization, Coleman discusses the factors that can cause individuals/groups to become polemic and extremist, vs. more cooperative and open-minded. I'm very interested in what motivates people, so these sections were the most memorable for me.

[Larkin Tackett · Rating 5 out of 5]

This appropriately named book is about navigating seemingly intractable conflict through complexity-conscious and scientific methods. I took three pages of notes. The best summary headline of the work is from the chapter on adaptation. "The lesson: get complicated, patient, and future oriented." I'm confident I'll come back to this book often for both consulting organizations and coaching leaders.

[Tracy McLean · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not a light book. This book should be read by everyone. Ultimately, I loved this book. But I felt I would have learned more and enjoyed it more had it been a text book for a class and if I had to practice the principles therein. A good reference book with endless applications. It would also be nice to read some of the source materials as well.

[Alicia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't finish reading this book because it was very complicated for me to follow. The audience for this book is not your "layperson" seeking to understand the current state of affairs. I remain hugely interested in this topic. Unless we work together to find answers to our polarization our democracy is in trouble.

[Margaret Bowman · Rating 3 out of 5]

I may have rated this higher if I read the hard copy. It's not a great book to listen to because there are a lot of charts and also bulleted lists that don't translate well to reading aloud. That being said, it was helpful to get some of the academic perspective on reducing toxic polarization. Sadly, no silver bullet - just a need for lots of long slow 1:1 conversations...

[Jason Coleman · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF….really complicated and pedantic. Reads more like a textbook than an accessible novel on a super important topic.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

No simple solution.

[Christine Lepird · Rating 2 out of 5]

I heard the author on the Pew podcast a few weeks ago and decided to read the book to be more open to new perspectives, but the audiobook narrator's voice was so painful it only further polarized me.

[Kevin]

Really interesting topic, but it got way too academic to keep my interest.

[Nate Campbell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid book about conflict resolution and how it can relate to our political polarization. Some very interesting and effective concepts.

[Andrew Carr · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of the first and most memorable scenes of this book, comes from a meeting of high level diplomats, scholars and peace and conflict negotiators. One takes offence, another denies the charge, and these senior advocates of peace all fall into bitter conflict, with no one able to solve their dispute. It's a stark image, one that admittedly given my low opinion of a lot of 'peace' research, was somewhat amusing.

Yet it's also a clear sign that Coleman is attempting to do something different in this book. This is not simply about 'applying the science'. At least not in the traditional sense. Instead, Coleman takes his inspiration for trying to solve America's deep political polarization from the insights of Complexity Science.

This book works really well for two reasons. First, Coleman has a mastery of the underlying theory, and an adept and easy way of explaining the various elements. Complexity science can be, well complex, yet he manages to get across his key points clearly and effectively. Second, as he himself explicitly mentions, while many have been encouraged by the idea of applying complexity science to various world problems, translating theory into action is really hard. How do you actually implement these ideas drawn from physics and computer simulations, emphasizing the edge of chaos, evolution and vast impersonal forces?

To overcome that challenge, the book is structured around 6 major practical contributions - think different, reset, Bolster and Break, Complicate, Move, and Adapt - each with a discussion of the broad ideas as well as the practical way it can be implemented. The emphasis is resolutely practical, trying to find ways it can be adopted and implemented, highlighting examples of those many groups already pursuing parts and pieces of a broader solution.

While I didn't think much of Coleman's empirical analysis of American polarisation (the first two chapters can skimmed quickly by most informed readers), I was struck by how many different NGOs and social movements he mentioned who are already working hard to address polarization in interesting ways. From groups encouraging cross-cultural meals, to efforts to physically transport people into different communities and various kinds of dialogue and engagement. All akin to an immune system showing signs of life in fighting off the disease of bitter polarization.

Ultimately I remain in two minds about Coleman's broader approach. I tend to believe that the answer to political disputes is political resolution. Efforts to moderate, conciliate, postpone can work, but only for so long. What really matters is the direct changing of minds, either through persuasion or the clear political denial of a groups objectives such that they abandon their cause. Too much 'peace' research seems to simply try and postpone issues or moderate attitudes, without getting directly at the problems between disputants.

Yet at the same time, complexity science isn't simply about trying to achieve a casual change. It's an attempt to fundamentally change the nature of the landscape and how actors respond to that environment. As such, there's something far richer and deeper on offer here than a mere effort to lower the temperature, but to change the way incentives, attitudes and structures work. It therefore offers a chance to put those problems in a fundamentally different light and in turn, create real space for change to occur.

Overall, this is a good read on an important topic. It offers a new yet deeply research and ably presented take on one of the big issues facing US society (and with many lessons for other polarized societies around the world). I know i'll be referring to its suggestions and insights for thinking about conflict resolution for a long time to come. Hopefully with more luck than the aforementioned senior diplomats at their meeting at least....

[Andy Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best book I've read about conflict management and resolution. It was helpful that the author maps out conflict; I've never seen conflict expressed in this way. This book was accessible and presented solutions that seem effective and sustainable. Huge thanks to the author for inspiring hope by sharing his learnings.

The TLDR below, because I see this information as being crucial to helping overcome the psychosis we're seeing in our country today.

What’s going on

Toxic polarization is breaking up our country.

Why this matters

The toxic polarization we’re experiencing in this country is a vicious cycle that recruits everyone into adversarial, us vs. them ideologies. This is making us unable to address other existential issues we’re facing today, from inequality to climate change. This polarization has occurred countless times in the past, often resulting in intractable conflict and even war. We need to stop this from getting worse.

Why this is happening

Humans have evolved to be polarized. In our hunter-gatherer past, our survival depended on our ability to stay near those similar to us and on staying away from those who were different. Today, social media and the news take advantage of this tribal tendency, ratcheting up our fears of the “other.”

This problem is more complicated than we realize (and more nuanced than we’re told). Political polarization is seen as a cause-and-effect problem that has simple, single-origin causes, but should actually be seen as a cloud problem. Cloud problems have multiple contributing factors that interact in unpredictable ways and are resistant to change.

There is hope

The path forward is difficult, but there are ways to navigate a way out of this mess. There are also many others working on this problem and plenty of success stories to draw lessons and hopefulness from (including Humanity Forward!).

How to fix this

In order to depolarize this country, we need to leverage instability and shocks to the system. What we do in the beginning has huge implications for what’s to come. We need to approach these problems differently, thinking about the contributing factors rather than only the problems themselves.

We should support what’s working (and the people behind that) and break up the worst elements. We should introduce nuance to the conversation and seek to get people physically and mentally moving (in sync) while solving problems. We should seek to fail as fast and often as possible, analyze the results, then adapt to those learnings.

[Hank · Rating 5 out of 5]

The messenger is flawed but the message is right on the mark.

Somewhat remarkable that a man who professes to desire to bridge the gap of polarization in our society could be so oblivious to the sensibilities of the other side as to 1) use the term “reset” without qualification, 2) cite Trump’s handling of the pandemic as an obvious example of failure or 3) actually write “who needs science?” as if it is a known plank of Trump’s platform rather than his opposition’s construct 4) be unabashedly surprised that a conservative county in upstate NY—and apparently all of the other counties listed as top 1% though he doesn’t specify—is among the most politically tolerant in the nation. However, it is well worth the suffering of these indignities and Coleman’s not so engaging writing style to get to the meat of his message.

Suffer these slings and arrows along with the battering of repetitive 3D ballscapes and paucity of engaging narrative (how many times did I wish Jonathan Haidt could have been contracted to cover this same material?) in confidence that those who need it even more than you do will navigate with less difficulty.

Thank you Mr Coleman for recognizing this significant issue and equipping us with the tools to join you in fighting it together.