Avoidant Attachment: Why is your partner cold and detached in your relationship? Improve intimacy, emotional connection and understand why your dismissive partner behaves the way they do

by David Lawson

A partner with an avoidant attachment style of emotion can build walls and create distances in any couple relationship, can show strict communication limits and undermine a romantic relationship. The detached attitude of the avoidant attachment personality can be frustrating for a partner, who will find him or herself experiencing feelings of uselessness and/or neglect, even to the point of feeling completely abandoned. Similarly, in adult life, people with avoidant attachments fear losing their self-reliance. They come to think that forming a partnership with another person will lead them to lose something of themselves. They approach the relationship in a conflictual way. On the one hand, they seek it because they desire intimacy and closeness, but on the other, living the relationship as a couple forces them to confront the painful memory of primary relationships that were emotionally deficient or sources of suffering. You may already have started a family with an avoidant person and made huge efforts to try to make it all work, out of love for your partner, family and children (as well as for your own happiness!). I recommend that you read this book if your Has a shy, detached, elusive personality or seems impervious to love and emotions. Struggles to think as a couple and to build a sense of ‘US’. Obstructs, or deviates from any attempt to communicate your hurt feelings. Cannot – or will not - accept help from others. Shows boundless love for a pet but can be cool and aloof with you. Regards any request for intimacy from you as pressurising. Shows difficulties in living the sexual life of a couple in a natural way, sometimes even avoiding intimacy in their relationships. Is not aware of these dynamics, so can come to question love, to the point of thinking that they are a difficult person. Instead, you might Empty and confused when you are close to your partner. Like an invader of their privacy and put aside. That there is something wrong and you feel that somehow, it's your fault. As if you are playing a constant game of ‘hide and seek’ in the relationship. That sometimes, you are insecure and unworthy of love. If you do not intervene soon, those in a couple relationship with an avoidant person will end up having to settle for a relationship that consists of distances, until the relationship eventually fragments. Everything you have built together will have been in vain.

Genres: Self Help

115 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 19, 2021

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.

David Lawson, PhD is a writer and researcher whose main focus is on mental well-being. With his courses and his coaching activity he has helped many people solve problems with personality disorders, self-perception and depression. He is considered to be a promoter of the well-being of the individual with a holistic approach that, over the years, has allowed him to achieve extraordinarily positive results. He is both loved and criticized for his friendly and sometimes direct approach.

It is helpful to think that true success occurs when you act on a daily basis. Habits are essential for achieving goals and for living the life you want to live.

Unlike other personal development guides, its content focuses on action.

Reviews

[Steven · Rating 1 out of 5]

After learning a lot about my own attachment style from various books, I was excited to learn about its counterpart. But wow, this was bad! It felt like these chapters had been pulled from a more complete volume and composed haphazardly into this smaller book. Many of the chapters generically covered basic relationship topics (e.g., communication, self-esteem, how to argue productively) without actually applying them to an attachment framework. Some chapters did not seem to fit at all... I took major issue with the chapter about Avoidant Personality Disorder, as that is not remotely the same thing as avoidant attachment style. Also, the chapter of practical tips for escaping a toxic relationship seemed to send the wrong message about attachment styles in general. This book simply did not accomplish its premise. If anything, the only useful component was a list of behaviors avoidant individuals are more likely to do to distance themselves from their partners.

[Danielle Lee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Still learning so much on this subject and how to better my relationship with self and others. I’m so grateful for this information

[Catie LeMar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful

Good information on communication in relationships and how to improve that. I like the discussion of what it means to be avoidant and how to deal with someone in your life who is that way.

[Jodee Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Valuable Resource

This book describes the 4 types of the Attachment Advoidant. It will be helpful to those trying to figure out both themselves, and their partner. And how to recognize the causes and deal with the results.

[Dena Moon · Rating 2 out of 5]

disjointed

This book felt very disjointed and veered into many unrelated topics. It felt poorly layed out and like some of the chapters accidentally ended up here from other books. Some of the info was good but didn’t go into much depth.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting

This book is very interesting. I enjoyed reading about The Four Attachment Styles of Love and taking the What is Your Attachment Style? Test.

[Stephanie Flynn · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were a few good takeaways in this, but it was incredibly shallow and remedial. It was explaining things you'd already sort of know to have even picked up a book on avoidant attachment, and it over generalized (or sometimes over specified) the reason for trauma in a way that made it seem like you've either suffered this thing, exactly, or you're wrong. And the steps to improve things where fairly high level. Also, why are all the books about Avoidant Attachment from the perspective of how to connect and help your Avoidant partner, but never enough info on being the Avoidant and getting better? I know, we tend to not take the steps ourselves, but relying on someone else to fix us isn't the right answer, either.

[Lise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very useful and interesting book!! All scientific concepts are nicely explained and you get a lot of practical tips that help you better your way of communicating and feeling in your relationships. Importance of understanding how you feel and why is made clear in useful and easy manners. Happy to have read this and using it in my daily relationships!