You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience

by Tarana Burke (Reader), Brené Brown (Editor)

Tarana Burke and Dr. Brené Brown bring together a dynamic group of Black writers, organisers, artists, academics and cultural figures to discuss the topics the two have dedicated their lives to understanding and teaching: vulnerability and shame resilience.
Contributions by Kiese Laymon, Imani Perry, Laverne Cox, Jason Reynolds, Austin Channing Brown, and more.

It started as a text between two friends.

Tarana Burke, founder of the 'me too.' Movement, texted researcher and writer Brené Brown to see if she was free to jump on a call. Brené assumed that Tarana wanted to talk about wallpaper. They had been trading home decorating inspiration boards in their last text conversation so Brené started scrolling to find her latest Pinterest pictures when the phone rang.

But it was immediately clear to Brené that the conversation wasn't going to be about wallpaper. Tarana's hello was serious and she hesitated for a bit before saying, "Brené, you know your work affected me so deeply, but as a Black woman, I've sometimes had to feel like I have to contort myself to fit into some of your words. The core of it rings so true for me, but the application has been harder."

Brené replied, "I'm so glad we're talking about this. It makes sense to me. Especially in terms of vulnerability. How do you take the armour off in a country where you're not physically or emotionally safe?"

Long pause.

"That's why I'm calling," said Tarana. "What do you think about working together on a book about the Black experience with vulnerability and shame resilience?"

There was no hesitation.


Burke and Brown are the perfect pair to usher in this stark, potent collection of essays on Black shame and healing. Along with the anthology contributors, they create a space to recognise and process the trauma of white supremacy, a space to be vulnerable and affirm the fullness of Black love and Black life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Race, Essays, Audiobook, Social Justice, Psychology, Memoir

6 pages, Audio CD

First published April 27, 2021

About the author

Tarana Burke is an American activist from The Bronx, New York who started the Me Too movement. In 2006, Burke began using metoo to help other women with similar experiences to stand up for themselves.

Reviews

[Whitney Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

To give this book 5 stars feels like an insult. I started of a little hesitant seeing Brené Brown as one of the editors but the intro and then immediately starting to read the essays, I soon got over that hesitation. So many of these essays felt so important to my soul. This was one of those library check outs that I most certainly need to own. I also feel like I need two copies, one that I don’t mess up because I love to keep my books nice and one that I can highlight and make all kinds of notes and amxns in the margins! This is also one where I now have more authors to read!

[Traci Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

This anthology is a gift. I’m glad it exists. Shame is so toxic and something that we carry and pass on without ever dealing with it. This book deals with it in many ways. Centering the uniqueness of Black shame and trauma is necessary. My personal favorite essays came from (no surprise) Kiese Laymon, Jason Reynolds, and Jessica J. Williams.

My only critique is that the essays don’t feel rooted or connected to each other. They’re all so different the book becomes confusing. What is the tone they were attempting strike. Some essays are narrative and personal some rely heavily on therapy jargon and terminology.

[BookOfCinz · Rating 3 out of 5]

You Are the Best Thing is a collection of essays written by different Black authors about their experience with shame. In the introduction the questions got asked, What is the Black experience with shame resilience? Because white supremacy has added another layer to the kind of shame we have to deal with, and the kind of resilience we have to build, and the kind of vulnerability that we are constantly subjected to whether we choose it or not.

I think overall the collection could have been a lot more cohesive, it did not feel like one overall theme. I did however felt like the essays that were strong were STRONG and the ones that were weak were very meh. I absolutely loved Tanya Denise Fields' Dirty Business Tracey Michae'l Lewis-Giggetts Love Lifted Me and Sonya Renee Taylor's Running out of Gas .

I am happy that this collection exists and Black people are able to write freely about shame and examining generational trauma.

[chantel nouseforaname · Rating 5 out of 5]

Illuminating, life-affirming, beautifully structured & executed.

You Are Your Best Thing is a series of essays by various contributors that shares so many insights about recovering and standing in strength that can only come to you after passing through intense periods of pain, reflection, self-awareness and understanding.

All the contributors equally blew my mind. However, the segment by artists Irene Antonia & Diane Reece were just a cut above the rest.

Antonia & Reece’s reflections and art detailing passed-down trauma set against the public’s inability to see the fullness of the Black family was so well executed.

They illustrated how continuous anti-black indoctrination and racism in academia and elsewhere can be a barrier to break through in so many ways that leaks outside of those elitist structures. A very important topic.

Tarana Burke is doing God’s work. She’s a warrior battling through her own anxiety, and working with friends and colleagues to create something so necessary. Thank you for this Tarana!

[Renegade ♥ · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars

[Tiyahna Ridley-Padmore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Centred around Tarana Burke and Brene Brown's work on vulnerability and shame, You Are Your Best Thing offers a carefully curated collection of essays written by Black authors. From Austin Channing Brown, Keah Brown, Kiese Laymon and Imani Perry to Laverne Cox and Jason Reynolds, a number of Black thinkers across different backgrounds came together to produce this work of love.

You are Your Best Thing is vulnerable, loving and inspiring. As I read powerful reflections about the oppressive origins of shame, the trauma of experiencing systemic racism, the burden of working twice as hard to prove your worth and the importance of Black vulnerability and joy, I couldn't help but feel like each essay was a therapy session designed for Black folk.

There are few books that I have read more than once. However, I found myself bookmarking different essays to come back to when I need them.

This book is beautiful and so healing.

[Ebony Rose · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like many collections/compilations, You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience was a bit of a mixed bag for me.

I think the concept of this book is brilliant; it is a necessary and a loving offering to literature on Black experiences and life. I appreciated the wide variety of writers selected for this - there was a beautiful cross section of Black identities represented within these pages, providing for no singular definition or description of Blackness and how shame and vulnerability presents in our communities. I really appreciated the thoughtfully curated list of contributors here.

That being said, I think the book suffered for a couple of reasons. Firstly, there are just too many essays in a relatively short book. Some of the essays felt very rushed and over-edited to me. They all hovered around the 10 page mark, and it just did not feel like enough time to delve into these deep and complicated topics. It's like I could literally see the missing paragraphs and transitional sentences in some of the essays (that I imagined got cut to meet the page limit). I just needed more time to let these essays find their groove, time to let the words and meaning settle on the page before rushing to the next one.

Some of the individual pieces were quite unmemorable and weak in my opinion, the main culprit being Luvvie Ajayi's essay which felt more concerned with self-promotion than exploring the topics of shame and vulnerability. Others were just okay - but not clear to me why they had been selected for this collection.

Standout essays for me were the ones written by Prentis Hemphill, Marc Lamont Hill, and Kaia Naadira. However, the piece written by Sonya Renee Taylor absolutely took my breath away. By far my favourite essay, and the one I will remember for a long time. It was so raw, so visceral, and so honestly and beautifully written. While I was a bit underwhelmed by what felt like an uneven collection, her essay made the whole reading experience worth it for me.

3.5 stars.

[Tiffany · Rating 4 out of 5]

The essays in this collection were diverse and well-rounded as far as content. I enjoyed all of the book recommendations and finding new to me authors through their essays. This is an anthology that is timely and worth the read. It promotes healing, taking care of your mental health, and letting go of shame - whatever yours may be.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the introduction to this book, Tarana Burke writes that in the wake of the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, "In public, the conversation was, 'How can we get white people to be better? How can we get white people to be antiracist?' Antiracism became the order of the day. But there was no focus on Black humanity. I kept thinking, 'Where's the space for us to talk about what this does to us, how this affects our lives?'"

She goes on to explain to Brene Brown that as much as Brown's work (research on shame, etc.) means to her... "I often felt like I had to contort myself to fit into the work and see myself in it." That is the place from which this book was born -- an exploration of the Black experience with "shame resilience," as told through a collection of personal stories.

The result is an incredibly vivid, moving, honest book that I read voraciously.

I highly, highly recommend this collection to other white people seeking to better understand the Black experience, and to all fans of Brown's work who seek to deepen their understanding of how shame shows up and how we can move through it.

[Clare Ashcraft · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish there was more diversity of thought in this book. The essays took care to define shame and vulnerability, but went on to use loaded language like white supremacy culture that left me curious: what does that look like? Why are we using this term as opposed to something else? One essay said "when we armor up to protect ourselves we use tools of white supremacy culture." And named those as having prestigious education, prestigious job, having a family structure, etc. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think many Black people may want a traditional family and I don't think that is a tool of white supremacy.

I never want to discount lived experience because I've had people say to me that something I experienced wasn't sexist or wasn't a big deal and that sucks. It's horrible to be told you're experince is not valid or somehow incorrect. However, I have to question perception vs reality, some of there essays causally made claims about racism within our systems and did not have any data to follow that up with. I'm skeptical of Brene's idea the lived experience should trump data, because as important as lived experience is, we also have to understand some people's stories will always be suppressed by the mainstream, therefore making data a bit more solid ground to stand on. I see it as a little irresponsible not to edit out claims regarding policing or our healthcare system, unless statistics are given to back that up, because it can give the audience a perception that may not be accurate.

While many of these essays were powerful I don't think they represent all of the black community because they were almost all clearly liberal by talking about oppression and intersectionality in ways usually bypassed by conservatives. I wonder how they selected who wrote the essays, whether it was people they already knew or liked. Either way I think there was selection bias in which most of the essays were spoken from the same point of view. When you are trying to be representative of Black humanity I think that must include conservatives. It must include Black people who believe they are not victims of white supremacy. It must include Black people who don't think of Blackness as integral to their core identity, Black people who are critical of BLM. All Black people, not just the progressive ones. Like all races, what I've learned more than anything over the past several months, is that Black people are not a monolith and their ideas are much more diverse than this book makes them out to be. Again, not to discount the experiences of anyone in this anthology, only that they aren't representative of some of the people that I've met across the country that are members of BLEXIT and other Black networks with more traditional and varied viewpoints.

I love Brene, but imo you cannot market this as "The Black Experience" without a huge amount of diversity in all directions. I think unfortunately they got so caught up in identity diversity- making sure they include queer and nonbinary folks, which is appreciated- that they forgot about diversity of thought and opinions.

[Oscreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great anthology with some memorable essays! Some of these essays really shook me up.

[Janae (The Modish Geek) · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5/5

This one made me emotional. I appreciated every person who contributed to this to allow Black people to be seen. If I liked it less, I'd be able to talk about it more. My favorite was Filling Every Page With Joy" Rewriting Trauma and Shame x Kaia Naadira.

I felt some of the essays didn't fit in as solidly into the topic as others, but I still appreciated them

Read it.

[Rachel | All the RAD Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

reading this book humbled me, flattened and floored me, moved me, stirred and struck and bothered me, got under my skin and broke my heart, made me cry and laugh and think deeply, and absolutely compelled me.

i have not lived the Black experience, but i can bear witness to the immense pain, the incredible injustices, the vast beauty, the vast uniqueness of it. i can amplify Black voices who tell of it, and listen to and learn from Black authors like these who wrap words around it. i can connect with the threads that bind us all together — threads like shame, and the feeling of belonging, and vulnerability — but i can know that to be Black is something set apart from how i’ve lived with my own privilege in my white skin. i can seek to truly listen and not just hear, to empathize, to be moved to not just love but action, but i can’t claim to ever understand. but i can, and i will, bear witness.

i will let my heart be broken for all that Black beloved children of God have experienced and endured or been undone by and suffered and survived or not survived, and i will not let that be the end, but another step toward more love, more action, more reconciliation, more listening and learning, more allying and advocating, more passing the mic and putting money where my mouth is, more better tomorrows and less history repeating.

i could go on, but i need to just urge you to read this one, and to listen to these stories, and to be moved by them, too. highly recommend listening on audio to hear their voices bring their words to life — i really can’t describe the power of it all.

needless to say, this was a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ read.

[Yordanos · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had a great premise that had me excited to dig into it. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out as good as the hype (for me). This is a 2.5 rounded up.

There are some resonant essays in this collection which I really enjoyed. These essays include Jason Raynolds' "Between us: A Reckoning with My Mother," Prentis Hemphill's "The Wisdom of Process," and Shawn A. Ginwright's "The Blues of Vulnerability: Love and Healing Black Youth."

And there were other essays in this book that I really struggled to understand as to why on earth they were even considered good enough to be included; not thematically, but in considering value-add. One of such essays is Marc Lamont Hill's "Never Too Much." The logical incoherencies, rhetoric holes, argument inconsistencies, etc. No offense against the author but it was utterly frustrating reading this essay and trying to make sense of it.

Overall, a good number of these essays felt like they were written by Brené Brown acolytes, which made me question the editors' choices, the biases of the content chosen, and if this is truly the best that can be written on vulnerability, shame resilience, and the black experience. Setting the tone with an epigraph from Toni Morrison's Beloved sets a really high bar for the rest of the anthology, which, unfortunately, I feel didn't meet those set expectations. Despite those disappointments, I am GLAD that such writing and content are getting the space and discussion they deserve. It's way long overdue.

[Amy | Foxy Blogs · Rating 5 out of 5]

You Are Your Best Thing is an analogy of essays by Black people on vulnerability, shame resilience, and the Black experience.

The book is filled with lots of intriguing messages. All these stories emphasize that the Black community isn't monolithic but one that is complex.

Below is the list of essay contributors.

Jason Reynolds | Channing Brown | Tanya Denise Fields | Kiese Makeba Laymon | Prentis Hemphill | Tracey Michae’l Lewiss-Giggetts | Marc Lamont Hill | Keah Brown | Luvvie Ajayi Jones | Shawn A. Ginwright | Kaia Naadira | Deran Young | Sonya Renee Taylor | Irene Antonia Diane Reece | Yolo Akili Robinson | Laverne Cox | Jessica J. Williams | Aiko D. Bethea | Imani Perry | Tarana Burke

Audiobook source: Libby
Narrator: Tarana Burke, Brené Brown, the Contributors, Mirron Willis, Bahni Turpin, JD Jackson, L Morgan Lee
Length: 6H 41M

[Michelle Schlichter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of the short stories were excellent, heartbreaking and captivating, while others didn’t flow as well.

[Lauren Beals · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing! It was not written for me, a white woman, it was written for Black folks and as I read each essay I gained a deeper understanding of what being Black in America is like. I will never truly comprehend the lived experiences of people of color, but I feel lucky to have found this book as it has been a window into the lives of these precious human beings who showed strength, vulnerability and courage in sharing their stories. I’ve learned so much and will continue to do so by listening to the truths that others people of color share about their lives. I hope this beautiful book finds itself in the hands of all people. Thank you to all the contributors and to Tarana Burke and Brené Brown.

[Dr. Dee Knight · Rating 5 out of 5]

Audio read by the authors (mostly), and to hear the different voices speak their own content - goodness. To be so blessed by so many voices. A miracle. Everyone should read this book. Everyone should be so blessed. All of it has been great so far, for some I was clipping/highlighting every minute or so. Some authors, even if their exact experience isn't ours, makes you wonder if you've ever engaged in this thing called writing - the examples, the metaphors, their way with words, pulling you in and almost asunder. Just a gift. I highly recommend!

[Karen Ashmore · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not a big fan of Bené Brown and her concept of shame but I do agree that there should be a treatise for those in the Black community who need to heal from shaming voices. Adding the extra layer of racism to shame rooted in sexism and homophobia and ableism is an important concept to understand how to erase the self doubt heard in voices saying “You are not good enough” or “You don’t deserve this”.

If you are Black and struggle with shame, this book is for you.

[Colleen Foster · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I tell you that this book is everything, this book is everything. There were a few stories that I could relate to. This book is very eye-opening to what people are dealing with in secret. I truly loved this book. It made me cry and mad that people have to go through all types of trauma and racial disparities. This book should be a must-read for everyone. If you don't feel something after reading this book then you're not human.

[Nast Marrero · Rating 5 out of 5]

A genuine gem full of heart, hurt and healing insights. It’s a rich collection that has given me an opportunity to understand better some of the traumas that white supremacy sows and perpetuates in our siblings of color.

[Brookworm Rous · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is hard and gorgeous.

[Ashley Ocean · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t imagine this world, without all of these voices in it. I highly recommend this book, for all. For trauma survivors, this book will move mountains in healing in any part of your journey. Bringing light to the many intersections covered here, matters. I hope you soak up the permission this book gives you to take the time to heal.

When history looks back, there will be life before and after editor and contributor Tarana Burke and her team lit a fire that I hope never goes out until our work is done. #metoo I am so grateful for her continuing to share her journey and resources in her healing and knowing.

Editor Brene Brown’s collective research was something that sparked some of the most profound work I have done in healing shame from childhood trauma. It’s fitting these two come together here to do this work.

This is a book I will continue to revisit in the journey.

From Shawn A Ginwright:
“The most egregious consequence of living in a persistent traumatic stress environment is the inability to feel. We know from research that emotional numbing is a coping mechanism to avoid processing the emotional turmoil. It’s like hiding from your emotional self. Stuffing all that emotion in a box and tucking it neatly away down in the basement. When many African American youth experience trauma, they don’t really have a way to get all the emotional stuff out of the basement. This is made even worse when young people lack the emotional vocabulary to name what’s happening. I have never had a young person say to me “I am scared and frightened about what happened or I felt rejected and unloved when my father left me.”

So all the persistent traumatic stress stays inside getting pushed further and further down. The only real way to get all that emotional stuff out is to create an environment of safety and trust, where young people can express what’s on their mind and hearts. As Brene says, “people have to earn the right to hear your story and the only way to really connect with young people is through your own vulnerability, honesty, and realness. It’s sort of like playing the blues, you have to dig down deep, pull out things you’ve been hiding, and put them on full display.”

“Healing comes from sharing our stories and holding space to hear one another’s pain and joy without judgment. We know from research that healing is experienced collectively and shaped by shared identity.”

From Jessica J. Williams:
“Dangerous is the woman who can give herself what she used to seek from others. Limitless is the woman who dares to name herself. The way I see it, shame cannot oppress what acceptance has already claimed for sovereignty.”

[Yvonne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This collections of essays written by different African Americans and People of the African Diaspora is a must read for anyone wishing to understand the societal pressures that people who identify as Black or African American face in this nation. The different authors here speak in individual voices that are united in expressing a humanity that is not acknowledged at large by our culture or media. Run to grab a copy of this book examining how Black people are *still* not given the grace of feeling safe in a nation that denies them humanity but still chooses to pretend to have provided a "level playing field." This book is a raw, open, essential choice for introducing non-white, non-colonialist writings to college students, mediators, counselors or white people ready to cross-examine the harms perpetrated daily on People of Color.

[Kris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm really glad that the preface to this book was written. It gives a deeper understanding to the reasoning and thought process of why this collection is necessary, and why Brene Brown, who is white, is involved. The vast majority of these essays are powerful and thought-provoking, and they are certainly enlightening to non-Black readers.

[cris b · Rating 5 out of 5]

i can’t help but be overwhelmed with emotion now that i’ve completed this anthology. i don’t have many words right now, but wow. this book provided me with one of my favorite reading experiences ever. i’m truly touched, inspired and feeling seen and loved. i’ll try to do a real review soon.

[Kendra HD · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh what a beautiful collection of vulnerability. Completely and utterly adored reading this. I felt every word from every contributor and I am so grateful. I felt so very seen and heard, and it is a privilege to have heard others. 10/10!

[Felicia L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This collection of essays on shame resilience for Black folks was insightful and thought-provoking. The vulnerability from some very well known voices was so raw and I was more than once moved to tears. I will be thinking about how shame shows up in my own life for days to come.

[Annabelle Henriquez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heavy, but a must read

[Ashley Piekarski · Rating 4 out of 5]

EVERY individual who wants to be an anti-racist will benefit from reading this book of short essays.

Note: when I say the word "empathize" below, I do NOT mean that I know how a Black person feels, because as a white woman I will never know, but that I have fully attempted to understand how they feel to the extent that I can.

I have learned so much about institutional racism in the last few years: historical facts, horrifying statistics, current data, etc. No matter how many documentaries I watched, books I read, articles I read, BIPOC creators I followed, I was never empathizing enough until I read this book.

Granted, this book is NOT written for white people like me. This is not written to teach me/us. This book is a love letter, an extended hand of compassion from Tarana Burke to her community. I'm only thankful that I had the opportunity to be a fly on the wall and witness the emotional turmoil experienced by the list of writers included in this book of essays.

I'm ashamed to admit that even after all my anti-racist education in the last year, I was really only empathizing with the Black experience through a Black middle-class academic's experience or a wrongly incarcerated individual's experience. These were the only perspectives I was exposed to. I never really thought about what it feels like to be a Black individual who is haunted by stereotypes. I never thought of what it was like to be a Black woman with over 5 kids all living on welfare or how institutional racism may have led her to that situation. I never thought of what it would be like to be a Black sex worker who is trying to earn her next meal. I never thought of how Black community churches may be both places of safety and places of judgment within the Black community.

We are taught not to place stereotypes on the Black community. We are not taught to have empathy for those who match the stereotypes, and what that does to their self-esteem, their identity and how it holds them back in life. These individuals are worthy of love and dignity and defense.

Though this book was not written in order to educate me, this is a gift, an opportunity for my goals as an anti-racist, to be able to be a fly on the wall and witness the Black experience as empathy training. I highly recommend it to all.