Savage Love from A to Z: Advice on Sex and Relationships, Dating and Mating, Exes and Extras

by Dan Savage, Joe Newton (Contributor)

America's premier sex advice columnist takes on edgier-than-ever sex-positive topics with his signature candor in his first illustrated collection of adults-only essays, coinciding with the 30th anniversary of the Savage Love column. Dan Savage has been talking frankly about sex and relationships for 30 years, and has built an international following thanks to his sex-positive Savage Love column and podcast. To celebrate this milestone comes Savage Love from A to Z, an illustrated collection of 26 never-before-published essays that provides a thoughtful, frank dive into Savage's trademark phrases and philosophies. This hardcover book is for anyone who's had sex, is currently having sex, or hopes to have sex!Essays cover a variety of Is for BoredomF Is for Fuck FirstG Is for GGG (Good Giving Game)M Is for MonogamishWhether he's talking about issues like compatibility or specific sex acts, you can be sure he's giving it to you straight. Short excerpts from his classic columns kick off each essay and cheeky illustrations by his longtime collaborator Joe Newton complement the topic at hand. Savage has moved the needle toward a more open discourse around sex, relationships, and intimacy, and this book will both inspire and inform his legions of fans. An ideal stocking stuffer!

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Self Help, Sexuality, Relationships, Audiobook, Queer

162 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 21, 2021

About the author

Dan Savage is a writer, TV personality, and activist best known for his political and social commentary, as well as his honest approach to sex, love and relationships.

Savage’s sex advice column, “Savage Love,” is syndicated in newspapers and websites throughout the United States, Canada, Europe and Asia. He is the Editorial Director of The Stranger, Seattle’s weekly alternative newspaper, and his writing has appeared in publications including The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, GQ, Rolling Stone, The Onion, and on Salon.com.

As an author, Savage’s books include: American Savage: Insights, Slights and Fights on Faith, Sex, Love, and Politics; Savage Love; The Kid: What Happened When My Boyfriend and I Decided to Get Pregnant (PEN West Award for Creative Nonfiction, Lambda Literary Award for Nonfiction); Skipping Towards Gomorrah: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Pursuit of Happiness in America; The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage and My Family, and co-author of How to be a Person.

In addition to his appearances on CNN, MSNBC, and The Colbert Report, Savage is a contributor to Ira Glass’s This American Life, and has appeared on NPR’s Fresh Air with Terry Gross, HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher, and ABC's 20/20. Savage is a frequent and popular speaker on college campuses across the United States and Canada.

In September 2010, Savage and his husband Terry Miller created a YouTube video to inspire hope for LGBT young people facing harassment. In response to a number of students taking their own lives, Savage and Miller wanted to create a personal message to let LGBT youth know that “it gets better”. Today, the It Gets Better Project (www.itgetsbetter.org) has become a global movement, inspiring more than 50,000 It Gets Better videos viewed over 50 million times. The It Gets Better book, co-edited by Savage and Miller, was published in March 2011, and two It Gets Better, documentary specials have aired on MTV. In 2012 the It Gets Better Project received the Governors Award Emmy from the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences.

Dan Savage grew up in Chicago and now lives in Seattle, Washington with his husband and their son, DJ.

Reviews

[Corinne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been reading and listening to Dan Savage for a very long time. Friends will know that I refer to his wisdom and advice often. He also has the ability to be super problematic but over the years I've seen how he has shifted his stance and evolved on many important issues so, problematic or not, I just can't quit him and instead try to keep an objective and critical ear when consuming his content.

I thought that after reading so many columns and listening to most episodes of his podcast, that there might not be anything new for me in this book but I was pleasantly surprised. This book is like a more succinct, polished version of Dan Savage, crisply and tightly distilling down the things I've heard him say over and over into a quick and easy read.

As usual, I don't agree with everything he says and there are a couple of cringey inclusions, but overall I appreciate and value the message that he sends.

I will buy a print copy of this book and leave it around for my kids to read in a couple of years because I think the base lessons that Savage extols are important ones: the golden rule, use your words, your sexual desires are valid and important, you are not entitled to anything, reconsider how you define sex/monogamy/cheating and USE YOUR WORDS (yes I know I wrote that twice.)

I received a digital Advanced Review Copy from Net Galley in exchange for an honest review.

[Santy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Prior to requesting this book, I had no idea who the author was but as soon as I read the first sentence of this book of articles/essays, I KNEW I was in for an interesting reading experience 😂 For those interested it was "An@l is for everybody".

I was hooked!

I'm not usually one for essays/articles because it brings to mind graduate school(shudders) but these were different. The essays were educative, entertaining, enlightening, humorous and thought provoking. I might not have personally agreed with every opinion / every advice proffered but I found myself nodding to most of it.

These aforementioned opinions/thoughts also run the gamut of love, relationships & sexuality, from the aforementioned An@l, through sexual identity, compatibility, consent, and even touched on virginity.

This book fascinated me to no end and if you are in the mood for something like this, grab it like I did for my BF.

It will be worth your while.

** eARC Provided by Publisher in Exchange for An Honest and Unbiased Review **

[Brook Mendez · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading Dan Savage’s column in my city’s weekly newspaper, when it gave me a laugh and honestly, kind of a thrill, to read this gay man talk shit about straight folks. This was clear back in “Dear Faggot” days. The more I read, the more I came to appreciate his honesty and empathy for everyone struggling with love, relationships, and sex. I had no sex ed growing up, but I learned (and keep learning) from Savage Love. Reading this book brought me to tears over and over because I re-lived hard learned life lessons over the last 20+ years. The price of admission, GGG, and rounding up to the one are some of my favourites. My absolute favourite letter is K is for Kindness. If we all practiced this K, all of our lives would be better, whatever type of queer we are.

[Eugene Galt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to the publisher and to NetGalley for the advance review copy.

I wish that books like this had existed when I was a teenager. Savage explains the interpersonal aspects of sexual relationships, as opposed to merely the mechanics of sex, and he does so with a degree of insight unusual in this sort of book. The information may seem old hat to someone as experienced in sex and relationships as I am today, but it could have saved me and others a good deal of hurt if we had had it before becoming sexually active. In particular, the book includes two lines that everyone should print onto expensive paper and frame: “The One is a myth” and “You’re entitled to nothing.”

[Dominic · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maybe I'm telling on myself by admitting I like him, but i like him. Maybe there is something he's said that i don't know about yet that would get me to stop, but from what I've read he seems decent. Some good points in here i appreciated being reminded of.

[Mo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic!

[Ariana · Rating 4 out of 5]

It recently came to my attention that I was unfamiliar with some of Dan Savage's neologisms. This did a good job of correcting that! Quick and easy read

[The Milner Collective · Rating 5 out of 5]

I used to read his articles and listen to his podcasts years ago and he’s only gotten better. I forgot how hilarious and on point all of his advice is.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm biased, I love Dan, but I do think everyone should at least flip through this

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dan Savage is a national treasure.

[Chris]

Been a reader since the "Dear Faggot" days. Although it starts with A is for Anal, I was initially underwhelmed. But when I got to D is for DTMFA because the initialism saves 4 words toward the column word limit…well, that's the Savage Love content I'm here for = 💖

Perfect fit for "Romance" on the 2021 Seattle Book Bingo Card

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good fun, good advice and definitely need more GGG.

Yup, read it twice in one week.

[Sharondblk · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full disclosure::

1) I liked this book
2) I received it for free from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review
3) I am a fan of Dan Savage, and a subscriber to the Savage Lovecast.

So, with all that out of the way, I'm not sure who this book is for.. The blurb say this is for "anyone who's had, is having, or hopes to have sex". I liked it, but as an existing fan, there is not much new here. That doesn't mean it's boring. it's well organised, quirkily illustrated and generally interesting. it serves as a sort of manifesto, or greatest hits.. The A-Z format stands as a scaffolding, but does not constrain the writing. It's just, as Dan says in the book, when people write to him, if they are longtime readers they almost always know what he is going to say, and I;m a longtime listener..
The blurb describe this as an ideal stocking stuffer. I mean, maybe? Again, for whom? But with the "for whom" I'm being pedantic. Pick this up, flip through it. you might learn something new, have what you already know reinforced or just walk away with a knowing smile on your face.

[Michelle Morrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hey Goodreads, where's the cool cover? Here's a pic of mine!

[image error]

I've been reading Savage Love off and on for 30 years now, whenever I picked up a copy of the local alternative paper The Stranger, or something big hit the news (Santorum hehehe), or a friend linked me something. It was a refreshing and common sense look at sex, love, kink, relationships, being a decent person, the world. Dan Savage has a way of cutting through the crap (Santorum hehehe) that wasn't around at the time.

I went to his book signing and laughed and groaned and disagreed and wholeheartedly agreed with the things presented. The one that stands out the most to me is "The One." As he said (highly paraphrased), there is no "One," you find yourself someone who is 0.72 and round that puppy up!

A cute little synopsis of his most common themes and greatest hits, highly recommended.

[MookNana · Rating 5 out of 5]

A to Z is as good a framework as any to deliver a comprehensive, practical, and thoughtful guide to relationships and sexuality. Reading this and truly meditating on the concepts will leave you a better, more fully self-aware person.

Want to cement your status as an absolute legend in the pantheon of Cool Adults You Can Talk To? Buy this for a young adult in your life and possibly save them years of fumbling and learning things the hard way.

Even as a middle-aged person who thought she'd pretty much heard it all, there were a couple of new ideas in here for me. And even the ideas that weren't new were still good to hear again, and the journey was pleasant. I laughed aloud more than a few times.

Many thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review!

[Dirty Dayna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Were you raised in an enviroment where people openly discussed raltionships or the human body...??
so basically none of us..
and if you were.. how dare you.
not everyone is afforded the opportunity to have a real learning experience about themselves inside and out without first hand knowledge and basically thats why we had to kiss a bunch of frogs to find a decent or amazing prince/princess.
also another reason why most cultures shun sex or exploration of the human body besides for strict mating reasons only has caused the need for this book.

Words such as vagina, anal, Cuckolding,dick, gender, hooking up, infestations and Jesus should be normal words in a home for understanding, belief or even experimenting with.

[M. Sarki · Rating 4 out of 5]

From time to time I have visited the website of Dan Savage and read his column titled Savage Love. The advice Dan offers is always spot on. It matters little what sexual orientation his readers are, and often the letters he receives are from straight people anyway. Savage has performed a great service to many of us who have learned so much from him, those of us willing to consider another's point of view. There are many nuances in any relationship. Communication is paramount in traversing this often difficult road. But the results of being honest with each other, asking each other for one hundred percent, and weighing what really is important to us individually, is rewarding in ways the most opinionated and bigoted ones among us rarely ever enjoy.

[Zoe · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this because I really enjoyed Abbie Chatfield’s podcast episode with Dan on, and she recommended this book. As someone who hasn’t really listened too much to Dan’s podcast or read much of his columns, it’s a good intro into what Dan preaches, but without much substance to it. Im well aware he does in his columns, but this book was a bit of a shallow version of what Dan normally talks about.
Honestly it wasn’t a bad listen on Audible and I don’t regret giving it a go, but overall I don’t think I got much from it. I think it’s a sign to listen to the podcast more tbh

[Siobhan Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! Sometimes self-help books can kind of feel a little dry to me, but the author kept his points succinct which kept my attention. The author’s writing style was humourous and witty. Overall I have a new (or improved) outlook on some of the topics touched on in the book. The subject matter doesn’t delve too deep or try to encourage the reader to psychoanalyze themselves which makes it perfect for some casual reading.

[Ellen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great refresher in all the topics and themes Dan Savage discusses in his podcast I’ve been listening to for years. I think this book would be valuable to anyone in a sexual and/or romantic relationship, especially folks who don’t spend a lot of time thinking or talking about these topics. Concise, great examples, and direct advice throughout!

[Jacqueline Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is Dan Savage’s newest book. It reads like his column or podcast. That is to say, it’s great. I love his takes on sex and love and I enjoy his willingness to change and adapt and admit when he got it wrong. I’ll read anything he writes, listen to anything he records. It makes me smile and I always learn something new. (N was probably my favorite chapter.)

[Kacie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been reading Dan Savage’s column for about 15 years. This books feels like a nice summary of his advice, more efficiently delivered than combing through years and years of SavageLove articles. Sex-positive, humane, and funny, Dan serves up solid perspectives on relationships and sex. Good stuff.

[Jody · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've been reading Dan Savage's column for a long, long time. I remember hunting for it in my city's free alternative paper back in the "hey faggot" days. This is like a more concise and polished version of his columns. I don't always agree with him, and I'm glad that some of his views seem to have evolved over the years. There's some good stuff in this quick, enjoyable read.

[Sara Sparrow · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book, I really did. And don’t get me wrong there were some EXCELLENT parts, but I found some of the treatment of serious issues (relating to asexuality in particular) to be too blasé for a serious topic.

Maybe it’s just not my style of humour.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely wonderful! I love Dan’s Podcast and this was a very fun, engaging, & interesting read that covers important fundamentals to all relationships. With just the right amount of sass and forever blunt honesty we need in our lives.

[Robby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kind of a simple thing, and not a lot of new insights from a long time reader/listener. That said, it was enjoyable, a quick read and definitely would have a lot more insights if you weren't a frequent reader/listener of Savage Love.

[Jillian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is fun on audio! It’s just a continuation of or summary of what you get on the podcast. The podcast is truly fantastic. If you haven’t ever listened to Dan Savage’s Lovecast, I highly recommend it!

[Theenemytoad · Rating 4 out of 5]

A quick and entertaining read. I think it's a nice intro to Savage concepts, and could make a great gift for someone you're trying to get into Dan Savage. However, long time readers and listeners aren't likely to discover anything new in this book.

[Whitaker Jamieson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book by DS, very quick, would recommend for anyone who wants to be in a serious relationship at some point in their lives. Would put it next to Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel in terms of quality of advice for time spent reading.

[Gem · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew this would be good because I love reading Dan’s column, but this was just really really good. It’s the kind of book you kind of want anyone you date or hell, even anyone you meet, to read. A real stand out to me was “J for Jesus”.