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Center Center: A Funny, Sexy, Sad Almost-Memoir of a Boy in Ballet
A daring, hilarious, and inspiring memoir-in-essays from the American Ballet Theatre principal dancer, drag queen, and pop star who's redefining what it means to be a man in ballet
There's a mark on every stage around the world that signifies the center of its depth and width, called center center. James Whiteside has dreamed of standing on that very mark as a principal dancer with the prestigious American Ballet Theatre ever since he was a twelve-year-old blown away by watching the company's spring gala: the glamour, the virtuosity, the extremely fit men in tights!
In this absurd and absurdist collection of essays, Whiteside tells us the story of how he got to the top of his field--stopping along the way to muse about the tragically fated childhood pets who taught him how to feel, reminisce on summer dance camps at which he paid more attention to partying than to ballet, and imagine fantastical run-ins with Jesus on Grindr. Also in these pages are tales of the two alter egos he created to subvert the strict classical rigor of ballet: JbDubs, an out-and-proud pop musician, and �hu Betch, an over-the-top drag queen named after Yoohoo chocolate milk.
Center Center is an exuberant behind-the-scenes tour of Whiteside's triple life, both on- and offstage--a raunchy, curious, and unapologetic celebration of pushing boundaries and expressing yourself to the fullest, as well as the debut of a sparkling comedic voice that will resonate with anyone who has a mortifying Google search history or cringe-worthy teenage memories they'd rather forget.
There's a mark on every stage around the world that signifies the center of its depth and width, called center center. James Whiteside has dreamed of standing on that very mark as a principal dancer with the prestigious American Ballet Theatre ever since he was a twelve-year-old blown away by watching the company's spring gala: the glamour, the virtuosity, the extremely fit men in tights!
In this absurd and absurdist collection of essays, Whiteside tells us the story of how he got to the top of his field--stopping along the way to muse about the tragically fated childhood pets who taught him how to feel, reminisce on summer dance camps at which he paid more attention to partying than to ballet, and imagine fantastical run-ins with Jesus on Grindr. Also in these pages are tales of the two alter egos he created to subvert the strict classical rigor of ballet: JbDubs, an out-and-proud pop musician, and �hu Betch, an over-the-top drag queen named after Yoohoo chocolate milk.
Center Center is an exuberant behind-the-scenes tour of Whiteside's triple life, both on- and offstage--a raunchy, curious, and unapologetic celebration of pushing boundaries and expressing yourself to the fullest, as well as the debut of a sparkling comedic voice that will resonate with anyone who has a mortifying Google search history or cringe-worthy teenage memories they'd rather forget.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published August 16, 2021
68 people are currently reading
2196 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 121 reviews
August 24, 2021
I've seen James dance with the ABT a couple of times in person, and he is truly a lovey dancer to watch. The profession of a ballet dancer has always intrigued me, as one has to balance so many facets. I have read multiple memoirs of ballet dancers, including some by former/current ABT principals (Copeland, Hallberg), so was interested to read about another dancer's experience. Center Center wasn't quite what I was expecting, and that perhaps is on me for expecting it to focus more on ballet and one's journey to become such a force in the industry. Whiteside does spend some time recounting his family and childhood (which was quite complex, involving multiple marriages, alcoholism, drug addiction, etc.) but focuses a lot of time on his friendships and relationships/hookups (while weirdly not delving much into his 12-year relationship). It seems rather unfocused at times, but as I said, it may just be that I was anticipating more of a ballet memoir, which this really was not.
December 10, 2022
Если вы думаете, что это книга про балет, think again.
На самом деле Джеймс написал про молодость и сексуальность, про свидания и приключения, про горячих парней и про то, как кружит голову Нью-Йорк. Да, балету там тоже есть место, но в целом книга — это очень откровенный рассказ об осознании и исследовании собственной сексуальности; надо сказать, что для продажи в России книгу пришлось бы заворачивать в три слоя полиэтилена и ставить в раздел литературы для взрослых.
Все эти откровенности и блестки, как ни странно, воспринимаются с большой долей театральности; кажется, что его exuberant personality — это тоже некоторая часть сценического образа, который Уайтсайд носит и в своём инстаграме. А душевное и бередящее оставляет себе: не зря в книге нет почти ни строчки об их отношениях с Дэном по прозвищу Milk, с которым они были вместе больше десяти лет. Про это, говорит Уайтсайд, как-нибудь в другой раз. А пока почитайте про котиков и мою бабулю, ха-ха!
Моя рецензия по ссылке
https://balletmagazine.ru/post/center...
На самом деле Джеймс написал про молодость и сексуальность, про свидания и приключения, про горячих парней и про то, как кружит голову Нью-Йорк. Да, балету там тоже есть место, но в целом книга — это очень откровенный рассказ об осознании и исследовании собственной сексуальности; надо сказать, что для продажи в России книгу пришлось бы заворачивать в три слоя полиэтилена и ставить в раздел литературы для взрослых.
Все эти откровенности и блестки, как ни странно, воспринимаются с большой долей театральности; кажется, что его exuberant personality — это тоже некоторая часть сценического образа, который Уайтсайд носит и в своём инстаграме. А душевное и бередящее оставляет себе: не зря в книге нет почти ни строчки об их отношениях с Дэном по прозвищу Milk, с которым они были вместе больше десяти лет. Про это, говорит Уайтсайд, как-нибудь в другой раз. А пока почитайте про котиков и мою бабулю, ха-ха!
Моя рецензия по ссылке
https://balletmagazine.ru/post/center...
August 18, 2021
James Whiteside's Center Center is a delight of a book, sure to appeal to multiple audiences.
Ballet aficionados? Check √
Queer folk? Check √
People longing for a temporary return to the 90s? Check √
Those needing a break from heteronormativity? Check √
Anyone who grew up feeling different? Check √
Readers who always appreciate a good laugh? Check √
Whiteside is an enfent terrible and Principal at American Ballet Theatre. Well, not really an enfent—but he made plenty of big splashes during his enfent years. Now he's a dancer/drag queen/musician/philosopher non-enfent cultural icon terrible.
As the title notes, Center Center is an almost-memoir. It's Whiteside's life, but not necessarily in chronological order and with some stylistic surprises—including a three-act musical based on an unwanted airline layover in Casablanca and featuring Pussycat Dolls songs along with characters named Entitled Rage, Crying Girl, Sweaty White Guy, and the like. Whiteside articultes the inner struggles of coming out in the 90s and 2000s. He offers a manic overview of every pet he's ever lived with. He narrates his mother's life story. And he does this in the sort of writing that guarantees a laugh-outloud-insist-on-reading-to-everyone-else-in-the-room passage roughly every five pages, which means more than fifty such moments in the book.
This is a book to read when you need to laugh, need to see the craziness and beauty in the chaos around you. It will leave you feeling hopeful and convinced that "going for it," whatever "it" is, is always an excellent move.
I received a free electronic review copy of this title from the publisher via Edelweiss; the opinions are my own.
Ballet aficionados? Check √
Queer folk? Check √
People longing for a temporary return to the 90s? Check √
Those needing a break from heteronormativity? Check √
Anyone who grew up feeling different? Check √
Readers who always appreciate a good laugh? Check √
Whiteside is an enfent terrible and Principal at American Ballet Theatre. Well, not really an enfent—but he made plenty of big splashes during his enfent years. Now he's a dancer/drag queen/musician/philosopher non-enfent cultural icon terrible.
As the title notes, Center Center is an almost-memoir. It's Whiteside's life, but not necessarily in chronological order and with some stylistic surprises—including a three-act musical based on an unwanted airline layover in Casablanca and featuring Pussycat Dolls songs along with characters named Entitled Rage, Crying Girl, Sweaty White Guy, and the like. Whiteside articultes the inner struggles of coming out in the 90s and 2000s. He offers a manic overview of every pet he's ever lived with. He narrates his mother's life story. And he does this in the sort of writing that guarantees a laugh-outloud-insist-on-reading-to-everyone-else-in-the-room passage roughly every five pages, which means more than fifty such moments in the book.
This is a book to read when you need to laugh, need to see the craziness and beauty in the chaos around you. It will leave you feeling hopeful and convinced that "going for it," whatever "it" is, is always an excellent move.
I received a free electronic review copy of this title from the publisher via Edelweiss; the opinions are my own.
August 26, 2021
James Whiteside is a celebrated ballet dancer, and, no doubt, beloved by his friends. His book Center Center: A Funny, Sexy, Sad Almost-Memoir of a Boy in Ballet is a collection of very personal essays telling of and reflecting his life. I didn’t like it. There are glimpses of Whiteside’s humanity clothed in attempts at humor and cleverness. The back cover has quotes praising the book, proclaiming we are “about to fall in love” with him from reading this book and that the book is “hilarious and fresh.” I neither fell in love with him nor did I find the book hilarious. I assume these quotes came from friends who already know and love him. I, furthermore, feel their assessments in that respect are genuine. I might have enjoyed the book more had I known Whiteside personally, or, for that matter, at all. I chose the book because I thought it would be fun—tales of an outrageous and outrageously talented man. But that cleverness? I found it much too contrived. I didn’t find it funny, nor did I find it very genuine. I felt he tried too hard to be funny and unique. Underlying it all, I thought, “This is a good person trying too hard to be entertaining.” In his dancing, I’m sure—as validated by the little about dancing he tells us of—he is controlled. In his writing, not so much.
October 8, 2021
Entertaining at parts but often repetitive and a light hearted take on abusing animals so...
September 3, 2021
Memoir in essays, more or less. As makes sense for essays or short stories, some of these worked better for me than others, though generally I found Whiteside to be at his funniest when he wasn't trying quite so hard to be funny. I do wish there had been quite a heavier emphasis on ballet—Whiteside is positioned very differently in the ballet world than a female dancer would be, and brushing off his success as 'rising through the ranks to principal' (not a direct quote because apparently I returned the book to the library without retrieving quotes, oops) was a bit disappointing. It was a little disappointing, too, that he attributed his many full scholarships to dance programmes to his local teachers pulling strings, when it's likely that there are just proportionally a lot more scholarships for male dancers, because there are fewer male dancers to begin with and ballet schools (and companies) are eager to bring them on board (whereas when a female dancer can't afford a summer intensive, there are literally hundreds of others eager to pay to take her place).
I'm intrigued (even as I wanted more about ballet and less about the ways his family neglected their pets and how those pets consequently died) by the sense I get from Center Center that ballet is a major but not the major part of his life—there's also drag and drama and sketching and playwriting (that is not to my taste, but still). But...my favourite thing about the book is the cover, and no matter how much I love a cover, that's never what I want to say.
I'm intrigued (even as I wanted more about ballet and less about the ways his family neglected their pets and how those pets consequently died) by the sense I get from Center Center that ballet is a major but not the major part of his life—there's also drag and drama and sketching and playwriting (that is not to my taste, but still). But...my favourite thing about the book is the cover, and no matter how much I love a cover, that's never what I want to say.
October 20, 2021
But… where’s the ballet? I was so looking forward to the “boy in ballet” part of the title and was not at all expecting a meandering, word-vomited collection of essays ranging in theme from family dysfunction to traveling woes (told in the form of a script for a musical showcasing the Pussycat Dolls). There was barely any ballet: dire illness in Lake Placid, the sad parade of neglected family pets, and the creation of drag alter-egos collectively titled the Dairy Queens are what you’ll find instead. The book feels as though it was a therapeutic journaling assignment from a psychiatrist for a patient, never meant to see the light of day. Whiteside touches on many would-be-fascinating-topics (toxic masculinity in classical ballet, body image, diversifying a traditionally white-centric art form, etc.) but veers away from them in order to serve up another random story that leaves you thinking, “What was the point(e)?” (Pun intended)
November 22, 2021
I've been following Whiteside's career since he danced in Boston. I love his Instagram posts and am grateful I can see his dancing and his personality through them.
This was one of the worst memoirs I've read. Everyone's got a story to tell but...I don't know, maybe we don't all need to read it. I felt like I was reading someone's retelling of a drunk night out. For chapters and chapters! Worst of all, there was hardly any story-telling about actual dance.
I will continue to watch Whiteside in 20 second snippets or, maybe one day, on stage again.
This was one of the worst memoirs I've read. Everyone's got a story to tell but...I don't know, maybe we don't all need to read it. I felt like I was reading someone's retelling of a drunk night out. For chapters and chapters! Worst of all, there was hardly any story-telling about actual dance.
I will continue to watch Whiteside in 20 second snippets or, maybe one day, on stage again.
September 3, 2021
Maybe two good stories in this collection. The author seems to think he’s hilarious/super witty/needs to impress the readers with his antics and it takes away from what could actually be some interesting insights into the world of ballet/his experience as a gay man etc. Just felt like he was trying SO HARD to be amusing that he lost the point if his own stories.
September 8, 2021
The parts about ballet (how James came to be a dancer, training, joining companies, dancing life) are good. The parts about the rest of his life just aren't that interesting. For example, I found the whole chapter about his pets puzzling and dull. A lot of the humor felt forced. I would have liked more detail about his interesting job as a dance artist.
October 5, 2021
I really wanted to like this book, but it is so poorly written. It bounces around to different years without any sort of cohesive story line or narrative. Sometimes it’s written in first person and then other times in third person. It is incredibly confusing. He is such an interesting man but this really really needed a ruthless editor.
July 18, 2021
Some amusing parts, but Whiteside isn't nearly as witty as he seems to think he is. The most affecting parts were his family history and his introduction to the ballet world. But the portions that were meant to be funny came across as try-hard and kind of cloying.
August 22, 2023
Fun!
It felt a little all over the place and didnt elaborate on some points of his life that I thought were most interesting, but grand to listen to overall!
It felt a little all over the place and didnt elaborate on some points of his life that I thought were most interesting, but grand to listen to overall!
May 15, 2021
"I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats!"
James Whiteside, principal dancer with ABT, has written a personal memoir about growing up gay, a professional memoir about becoming an artistic athlete, a creative memoir about his expansion and personal expression of his craft, and a meditation about growing wiser through all the difficult changes getting older brings- all in the same book. The stories are told with empathy, understanding, and a wry and sardonic humor that engages the reader from the very first pages.
James describes vividly and meticulously the process of becoming a professional dancer. His path was rocky and he is open and honest about his disappointments and successes. The same can be said about his writing about growing up gay, his relationships with his family, and relationships with the men in his life. His frustration with the heterosexual pigeonholes for male ballet dancers inspires his creation of alternate personas and avenues for himself as an artist. This evolution and his subsequent involvement in the wild NYC club scene is described colorfully and joyfully.
The memorable final segment of the book, a harrowing tale of being deathly ill on tour in Lake Placid, brings the various tones throughout the book together. Recalling this frightening time on the page, he engages the reader with humor, vivid description of physical pain and emotional alienation, and finally insight to share for the future.
Center Center is a welcome addition to the ballet memoir canon, and also to the ever-expanding LGBTQA memoir canon. Bravo, James!
Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for eARC!
James Whiteside, principal dancer with ABT, has written a personal memoir about growing up gay, a professional memoir about becoming an artistic athlete, a creative memoir about his expansion and personal expression of his craft, and a meditation about growing wiser through all the difficult changes getting older brings- all in the same book. The stories are told with empathy, understanding, and a wry and sardonic humor that engages the reader from the very first pages.
James describes vividly and meticulously the process of becoming a professional dancer. His path was rocky and he is open and honest about his disappointments and successes. The same can be said about his writing about growing up gay, his relationships with his family, and relationships with the men in his life. His frustration with the heterosexual pigeonholes for male ballet dancers inspires his creation of alternate personas and avenues for himself as an artist. This evolution and his subsequent involvement in the wild NYC club scene is described colorfully and joyfully.
The memorable final segment of the book, a harrowing tale of being deathly ill on tour in Lake Placid, brings the various tones throughout the book together. Recalling this frightening time on the page, he engages the reader with humor, vivid description of physical pain and emotional alienation, and finally insight to share for the future.
Center Center is a welcome addition to the ballet memoir canon, and also to the ever-expanding LGBTQA memoir canon. Bravo, James!
Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for eARC!
September 13, 2021
What do a principal ballet dancer, a gay musician named JbDubs, and a drag queen whose name is based on Yoohoo chocolate milk have in common? They’re all James Whiteside, the primo ballerino of the American Ballet Theater. In this irreverent (to say the least) collection of essays, James takes us from his first experience seeing ballet — and the hot guys in tights — at the age of 12 to his adult life, pushing the boundaries of what it means to be a male ballet dancer.
This was a deep dive into so many parts of the author’s life. He wrote this book in such a creative way that he interspersed the story with flashbacks, different fonts, screenplays, and drawings. It's a huge creative and unique piece of work. He starts by showing us his incredible perseverance and how he grew up among some amazing ballet dancers.
While James deals with coming out in this book, but he also shares the incredible poverty his mother sank into and her death in 2016. He talks about the perseverance and strength his siblings gave him that helped him not just survive but thrive. That drive earned him a summer scholarship to the American Ballet Theater, which was a big step to becoming the principal male dancer. This is an incredibly exciting, sexy, irreverent, out loud, and proud memoir of a man who’s best described is indescribable!
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/jam...
This was a deep dive into so many parts of the author’s life. He wrote this book in such a creative way that he interspersed the story with flashbacks, different fonts, screenplays, and drawings. It's a huge creative and unique piece of work. He starts by showing us his incredible perseverance and how he grew up among some amazing ballet dancers.
While James deals with coming out in this book, but he also shares the incredible poverty his mother sank into and her death in 2016. He talks about the perseverance and strength his siblings gave him that helped him not just survive but thrive. That drive earned him a summer scholarship to the American Ballet Theater, which was a big step to becoming the principal male dancer. This is an incredibly exciting, sexy, irreverent, out loud, and proud memoir of a man who’s best described is indescribable!
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/jam...
March 25, 2022
When I saw a review that the book was not in chronological order I worried I wouldn't follow along. but OH MAN does James bring you into his world. He honors everyone who has gotten him to be the ballet star and beloved icon he is today.
His humor has you giggling and his life events describe his bold personality most of us only know thru instagram or various interviews, or if we're lucky enough - on stage.
I loved every chapter. while it is not in chronological order the chapter about his pets and another about his mother puts it all into perspective.
i loved that it wasn't about ballet - like it was a background thing happening throughout most of the autobiography. it wasn't a step-by-step "this is how I become amazing at ballet", it was a book about humanity and how he became to be the James he is today.
I procrastinated reading the last 2 pages for a few weeks in fear I would cry that it was over but the last words brought a sense of peace to my heart and mind.
His humor has you giggling and his life events describe his bold personality most of us only know thru instagram or various interviews, or if we're lucky enough - on stage.
I loved every chapter. while it is not in chronological order the chapter about his pets and another about his mother puts it all into perspective.
i loved that it wasn't about ballet - like it was a background thing happening throughout most of the autobiography. it wasn't a step-by-step "this is how I become amazing at ballet", it was a book about humanity and how he became to be the James he is today.
I procrastinated reading the last 2 pages for a few weeks in fear I would cry that it was over but the last words brought a sense of peace to my heart and mind.
July 8, 2022
This book isn't what I anticipated. Like many other reviewers have mentioned- where is the ballet? As a super ballet fan, I picked up this book because I was excited to read about his journey to the upper ranks of a major American ballet company. Instead, this book really feels like it's about examining his childhood and sexuality. I appreciate his vulnerability at times during the book as I imagine sharing a lot of these experiences felt therapeutic for him. The sharing of his professional ballet experiences are slim and left me feeling like this book was a missed opportunity, particularly for topics like toxic masculinity in classical ballet which he very briefly addresses.
October 7, 2024
Well, that was weird. I wasn’t expecting to read the inner monologue of a gay ballet dancer. While at times it was entertaining, it was also nonsensical and had no direction. I had assumed the book would be more about dancing, but it was more self exploratory. BTW, James has a thing about bleached white teeth. 😬
August 20, 2023
I wish he had written a chapter or two about dancing at ABT, and getting to take class and perform with so many iconic dancers like David Hallberg, Daniil Simkin, Stella Abrera, Gillian Murphy, Misty Copeland, Isabella Boylston, Roberto Bolle, etc
December 17, 2023
I love following James on IG. Parts of this book were great - I loved his family history! I wish there’d been more about his ballet training and becoming a principal dancer at Boston Ballet and ABT.
I could have done without the random Casablanca story and the pet discussion.
I could have done without the random Casablanca story and the pet discussion.
March 6, 2025
I love dancers and pianists and tennis players and have yet to read a really good book from any of them. As always though I applaud the honest sharing of personal stories, even if this one didn’t artistically do it for me.
December 2, 2024
I love James at ABT but this memoir was not it. I was not interested in so many of the stories he chose to cover (like why was there a whole chapter just on his childhood pets??). I think a good memoir has to go well beneath the surface of just telling funny stories or talking about your past hookups and nights out. Anytime he was talking about his complicated family, journey to ballet, or struggles he's faced in life as a gay man- I was thoroughly invested. Everything else- I just blacked out.
October 9, 2021
This was a fine memoir - I certainly laughed out loud in certain spots. I think I expected more about the ballet word and just more dance stories in this. However, some of the essays, especially about his mom and his upbringing, were really candid and open. Overall, a decent memoir and a good audiobook.
August 12, 2021
A slim but inspired set of essays that together create a compelling memoir about growing up gay with a dysfunctional family, a challenged mother and a desire to dance. Know that ballet takes a sort of back seat to Whiteside's other interests but that doesn't make it any less illuminating on that score. I was highly entertained by his exploits as a drag queen. Some of the essays are more successful than others but all give insight into this complicated man. I read these one or two at a time over a period of days, which I don't normally do with memoirs but the book does lend itself to that. Thanks to Edelweiss for the ARC. It's a good read.
September 8, 2021
Great read. It was very interesting and I would recommend it.
August 21, 2021
What a pleasant surprise, finding this book. It's not a typical memoir, more like a collection of memoir essays, some content overlapping, and not necessarily chronological. But that was part of the charm. James Whiteside is one of our country's premier ballet dancers but this book, I hope, will place him among the more successful writing voices publishing today. I especially loved the chapter called "Nancy" which is the story of his mother's adult life as seen through his eyes.
Although a prolific creator in multiple realms (do a google/youtube search), I hope there will be more books to come from this writer.
Although a prolific creator in multiple realms (do a google/youtube search), I hope there will be more books to come from this writer.
February 20, 2021
James surprised us all a few weeks ago by announcing that he had written a book! Hurrah! Galleys went up on Edelweiss this week.
And this is a compulsively readable set of autobiographical essays/memoir in varying styles - but all of them "sound" exactly like James (if you follow him on social media, you'll know what I mean). His drag personality is here, his pop music personality is here, his ballet personality is here. These loosely connected pieces all fit together to give us a picture of James Whiteside, a principal dancer with American Ballet Theatre, who also has a pop music career, who also does drag, who has his own worries and doubts about himself as a gay man and owns his own mistakes. He is extremely frank regarding choices that he made at many points in his life. A standout piece in this collection is the essay where he writes about his mother's life.
And this is a compulsively readable set of autobiographical essays/memoir in varying styles - but all of them "sound" exactly like James (if you follow him on social media, you'll know what I mean). His drag personality is here, his pop music personality is here, his ballet personality is here. These loosely connected pieces all fit together to give us a picture of James Whiteside, a principal dancer with American Ballet Theatre, who also has a pop music career, who also does drag, who has his own worries and doubts about himself as a gay man and owns his own mistakes. He is extremely frank regarding choices that he made at many points in his life. A standout piece in this collection is the essay where he writes about his mother's life.
August 21, 2021
Prior to reading this book I knew nothing of the author James Whiteside, and little of ballet or drag queens. For the first couple of chapters, I found the author engaging and easy to empathize with, and I enjoyed his self-deprecating humor on being an awkward teen. In addition to being a fun & effortless read, the author was wonderfully open. His self-awareness & insights generated some overdue self-introspection. Unfortunately, I gained little from the subsequent several chapters which focused on his extended family, childhood (which included dialogue from him as a child), dating life & gay sexcapades. He barely mentions the world of professional ballet, which I would have liked to read about.
Thank you to the author and publisher for a free copy of this book
Thank you to the author and publisher for a free copy of this book
August 25, 2021
In Center Center, James Whiteside’s “funny, sexy, sad, almost-memoir of a boy in ballet”, there comes a point in the last essay “Why Not?” when James and his gaggle of traveling twinks ponder what they are getting into as they make plans to go to a stranger’s beach house. After asking themselves, “why not?” several times and coming up with no good answer, James concludes: “Apprehension thus effectively ignored, we continued on our merry way . . . “
That phrase, “apprehension thus effectively ignored” could be a subtitle for the book. Throughout this supremely entertaining, non-chronological collection of essays - some real, some fantastical, some hilarious, some devastating - James regales us with a variety of tales in which he sets aside apprehension and eschews “normalcy . . . an insidious evil.” The apprehension around coming out when he was a teen. The apprehension of turning down an offer from American Ballet Theater, his dream job, when they wanted to downgrade him from his Principal status at Boston Ballet to a member of the Corps de Ballet in New York. The apprehension around creating two alter egos - one a pop musician and one a drag queen - to enable James to express his “true self” which ballet did not. The apprehension he must have felt exposing his emotional and physical nakedness in this book.
While the bright pink admonition on the front flap warns “This is not a book for children”, James’s sex stories may not be the ones you re-read. “Dick College”, the essay chronicling James’s early 20s as a dancer with Boston Ballet, is clever and funny, but nothing to warrant hot pink hysteria. Anyone who has ever been a 20-something has a similar life chapter, even if the alcohol, drugs, and orifices were different. A reality that does set James’s experience apart though is the violence he suffered just for being homosexual, and the limitions on where he could safely live, as he harrowingly describes in “A Boom Box and a Box Cutter.” Being chased through the Boston subway by a lunatic wielding a serrated knife screaming he’s going to kill you because of your sexuality is not a universal experience and James’s telling of it is wrenching.
The essay “All My Pets Are Dead” will likely strike a familiar chord with more readers. There’s something endearing about animals that talk, and James’s are particularly witty. There’s Alice, the golden retriever, who asks five-year-old James while she watches the Today show, “How does Katie Couric get her eyelashes so voluminous?” Or Mookie the homicidal German Shepherd who pins down young James and screams in his ear, “I’m gonna freeze your head for later little boy!” Cherry Merry Muffin, a glamorous, “stunning white pussycat,” muttered: “Let Muffin finish her martini before we go to Hermes” and “My favorite Disney princess is Cruella de Vil.” These are animals one would like for dinner party guests just for the repartee.
Forays into the fantastical are sprinkled throughout the book, but the most realistic, longest and moving essay is dedicated to James’s mother Nancy. The construction of this essay alternates between first and third person narration, and chronicles the life and death of his “brilliant, complicated, unicorn of a mother.” This essay takes us on a journey in which James unashamedly and courageously explores all the darkness and light of family, a theme with which we can all empathize. There is grief, humor, shame, defiance, regret, loyalty, jealousy, confusion, and mostly love. This essay undeniably deserves its status as the crown jewel of the book.
There is an audio version of Center Center which James performs himself and which I also recommend. I laughed out loud as I listened to several essays, and was particularly caught off guard - in a good way - by James’s liberal use of hyperbole when I heard it versus while reading it. But it was the play-let “Stranded in Casablanca” that produced a continuous chuckle fest. James’s musical ear and deep knowledge of pop culture combine to produce hilarious characters whose voices he dramatizes with devastatingly comic effect. There are many essays that are enhanced by hearing James read them, but “Stranded in Casablanca” is a must-listen.
As someone with almost no knowledge of ballet and an aversion to porn, there were decent reasons for me to pass on this book, given the neon caution sign on the jacket flap and the title of this “almost memoir”, which refers to a location on a ballet stage. I effectively ignored my apprehension, however, and could not be more excited to have done so. In describing the feeling of being a twenty-something homosexual in a classical ballet company who forms a drag posse in “JBDubs and Uhu Betch”, James notes, “If you’ve never done something as someone else, you’re missing out. Shedding yourself to inhabit a new persona is truly illuminating.”
While cracking the cover of a somewhat unfamiliar genre can hardly be considered shape-shifting, it could be a first step toward knowing why creating a new persona is not only illuminating but absolutely necessary for historically marginalized members of our society and culture. James takes advantage of his platform in this book to challenge his readers and. He writes:
“I never thought anyone would see or hear of either one [JBDubs and Uhu Betch], but I’m grateful now to be able to share them with people -- especially young people, who may feel as if they’ll never be heard. Being heard has nothing to do with notoriety; it's about feeling like you’ve a right to exist. And if you’re asking, “What’s the big deal?” then I congratulate your privilege.”
It was a privilege to read this fine book, and I look forward to James’s next ignored apprehension.
That phrase, “apprehension thus effectively ignored” could be a subtitle for the book. Throughout this supremely entertaining, non-chronological collection of essays - some real, some fantastical, some hilarious, some devastating - James regales us with a variety of tales in which he sets aside apprehension and eschews “normalcy . . . an insidious evil.” The apprehension around coming out when he was a teen. The apprehension of turning down an offer from American Ballet Theater, his dream job, when they wanted to downgrade him from his Principal status at Boston Ballet to a member of the Corps de Ballet in New York. The apprehension around creating two alter egos - one a pop musician and one a drag queen - to enable James to express his “true self” which ballet did not. The apprehension he must have felt exposing his emotional and physical nakedness in this book.
While the bright pink admonition on the front flap warns “This is not a book for children”, James’s sex stories may not be the ones you re-read. “Dick College”, the essay chronicling James’s early 20s as a dancer with Boston Ballet, is clever and funny, but nothing to warrant hot pink hysteria. Anyone who has ever been a 20-something has a similar life chapter, even if the alcohol, drugs, and orifices were different. A reality that does set James’s experience apart though is the violence he suffered just for being homosexual, and the limitions on where he could safely live, as he harrowingly describes in “A Boom Box and a Box Cutter.” Being chased through the Boston subway by a lunatic wielding a serrated knife screaming he’s going to kill you because of your sexuality is not a universal experience and James’s telling of it is wrenching.
The essay “All My Pets Are Dead” will likely strike a familiar chord with more readers. There’s something endearing about animals that talk, and James’s are particularly witty. There’s Alice, the golden retriever, who asks five-year-old James while she watches the Today show, “How does Katie Couric get her eyelashes so voluminous?” Or Mookie the homicidal German Shepherd who pins down young James and screams in his ear, “I’m gonna freeze your head for later little boy!” Cherry Merry Muffin, a glamorous, “stunning white pussycat,” muttered: “Let Muffin finish her martini before we go to Hermes” and “My favorite Disney princess is Cruella de Vil.” These are animals one would like for dinner party guests just for the repartee.
Forays into the fantastical are sprinkled throughout the book, but the most realistic, longest and moving essay is dedicated to James’s mother Nancy. The construction of this essay alternates between first and third person narration, and chronicles the life and death of his “brilliant, complicated, unicorn of a mother.” This essay takes us on a journey in which James unashamedly and courageously explores all the darkness and light of family, a theme with which we can all empathize. There is grief, humor, shame, defiance, regret, loyalty, jealousy, confusion, and mostly love. This essay undeniably deserves its status as the crown jewel of the book.
There is an audio version of Center Center which James performs himself and which I also recommend. I laughed out loud as I listened to several essays, and was particularly caught off guard - in a good way - by James’s liberal use of hyperbole when I heard it versus while reading it. But it was the play-let “Stranded in Casablanca” that produced a continuous chuckle fest. James’s musical ear and deep knowledge of pop culture combine to produce hilarious characters whose voices he dramatizes with devastatingly comic effect. There are many essays that are enhanced by hearing James read them, but “Stranded in Casablanca” is a must-listen.
As someone with almost no knowledge of ballet and an aversion to porn, there were decent reasons for me to pass on this book, given the neon caution sign on the jacket flap and the title of this “almost memoir”, which refers to a location on a ballet stage. I effectively ignored my apprehension, however, and could not be more excited to have done so. In describing the feeling of being a twenty-something homosexual in a classical ballet company who forms a drag posse in “JBDubs and Uhu Betch”, James notes, “If you’ve never done something as someone else, you’re missing out. Shedding yourself to inhabit a new persona is truly illuminating.”
While cracking the cover of a somewhat unfamiliar genre can hardly be considered shape-shifting, it could be a first step toward knowing why creating a new persona is not only illuminating but absolutely necessary for historically marginalized members of our society and culture. James takes advantage of his platform in this book to challenge his readers and. He writes:
“I never thought anyone would see or hear of either one [JBDubs and Uhu Betch], but I’m grateful now to be able to share them with people -- especially young people, who may feel as if they’ll never be heard. Being heard has nothing to do with notoriety; it's about feeling like you’ve a right to exist. And if you’re asking, “What’s the big deal?” then I congratulate your privilege.”
It was a privilege to read this fine book, and I look forward to James’s next ignored apprehension.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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