How to Fake Being Tidy: And other things my mother never taught me

by Fenella Souter

Funny true stories about the everyday dramas that can make or break friendships, cooking, housekeeping and the domestic chaos that always threatens to get the upper hand, written in the tradition of Nora Ephron.

'A glorious account of how the little things of life are, of course, the big things' - Richard Glover

'Every failed domestic goddess will rock with laughter.' Shona Martyn

My mother wasn't much of a housekeeper. She wasn't much of a cook either, although she tried. She longed to live a more unconventional life. Admirably high-minded, but it meant I never learnt to fold a towel.

In these funny, sometimes poignant, stories, award-winning feature writer Fenella Souter celebrates the highs and lows of domestic life - from her attempts to run the house like a grown-up, to lessons in good cooking; from accidentally killing her wisteria, divorcing the cat and shirt-fronting bossy tradies, to wondering if the 'hostess gift' is still a thing or why some people have impeccable taste.

With their distinctive wit, they will leave you smiling with recognition at the everyday dramas and dilemmas that can make or break friendships and marriages, turn a house into a home, or let chaos get the upper hand.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Self Help

280 pages, Paperback

First published March 30, 2021

About the author

Fenella Souter is an award-winning feature writer and former long-time editor of Good Weekend, in The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age, whose work has appeared in magazines and newspapers over many years. More recently, she has also worked as a radio producer, co-producing several documentary series for ABC Radio. Her domestic alter-ego sometimes writes under the pen-name of Dusty Miller. She lives with her partner in Sydney.

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

How to Fake Being Tidy consists of a series of articles written by author Fenella Souter for publication in her "Diary of a Bad Housewife" column in Fairfax Media's Spectrum magazine (under her pseudonym Dusty Miller) and a couple of longer articles from Good Weekend magazine (also Fairfax).
Despite what the title may suggest, this book isn't in any sense a how-to manual in the domain of Dewey 648, the haunt of luminaries such as Shannon Lush and Marie Kondō. Instead, it's a series of the author's thoughtful and often witty reflections on the preoccupations and challenges of middle-class domestic and general life. Topics Souter explores include: dealing with pushy tradies, the perils of hosting house-guests, why it's easier to de-clutter other people's stuff and dealing with a swarm of bees.

(On the Keto diet fad)
"Full-on keto is positively Zen-like in its strictness, which means it's more suited to people who are disciplined, or have a good reason, like a major health problem, to try something radical, or who just like to overthink food and equate denial with virtue. Plus, if I took it on forever, it wouldn't be a fad. It would be a way of life, with a lot of coconut oil." (p.71)

I was doubled over in laughter reading "I attempt being clean and tidy" - it seems Souter and myself share many domestic challenges! I found "Losing my mother" extraordinarily insightful, having also suffered such a loss at a comparatively young age. I've bookmarked several of the dozen-or-so recipes Souter refers to and helpfully includes for the curious reader.
I'm not a frequent reader of the Sydney and Melbourne papers, so haven't knowingly read Souter's material before, but found these essays whimsical, perceptive and reassuring. In the face of social media bombardment with glossy homes, "wellness" gurus and domestic goddesses, How to Fake Being Tidy was a welcome dose of reality, and made a fast and entertaining read.

[Shelleyrae at Book'd Out · Rating 2 out of 5]

How To Fake Being Tidy: and other things my mother never taught me from feature writer, Fenella Souter (who also uses the non de plume Dusty Miller), is an essay collection primarily comprised of columns first published in the Australian newspapers, Sydney Morning Herald and The Age.

Housework definitely not being my thing (I admit I prefer Erma Bombeck’s advice to Marie Kondo’s), I was lured by the title of this book, but was disappointed to discover that Souter doesn’t actually offer tips to fake being tidy.



This is not a how-to guide, it’s a collection of genteel, undemanding stories that centres around the domestic. Souter does offer some simple household management tips, like how to remove labels from jars, wine stains from fabric, and how to organise your linen cupboard, but the essays are generally less prescriptive and more ruminative, reflecting on the pleasure of crisp bedsheets, the trials of holding your own against a tradie, or relocating a beehive, for example.

A number of the essays also focus on food. Souter appears to be an accomplished cook, with sophisticated tastes and a generous budget. She includes a variety of recipes offered within the context of the essay’s, including those for Orange Marmalade, Broccomole, Hummus with Spiced Lamb, and Passionfruit Creams, to name a few.

There were a handful of essays that resonated with me, but as a whole, I feel the collection is rather bland, and reflects a rather white, upper middle class perspective and would likely have more appeal for the ‘boomer’ generation than mine.

[Sandra King · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book! Very witty and insightful and had me laughing out loud many times! I think there is a healthy underlying message to not take this ‘tidy business’ too seriously. I look forward to trying out some of the recipes. Definitely a great gift idea, I have just ordered 2 more. Well done FS!

[James Neil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having enjoyed Fenella Souter's many feature articles for Good Weekend over the years, it came as no surprise to me that she was the writer behind Dusty Miller, the author of the always enjoyable SMH's Spectrum column, 'The Diary of a Bad Housewife'. Building on her very amusing collection of 'bad housewife' columns, this book includes quite a lot of new material, including several recipes, and it's such a pleasure to read at whatever pace you like. Each chapter stands alone, so it's perfect holiday reading when you're looking for amusement, but as I am not planning on any holidays anytime soon, I've been reading it whenever I need a break in my day. As each chapter takes less than 15-20 minutes to read ... it's one over morning coffee in the cafe, another at lunch, and so on.

Always witty with sharp observations of ordinary domestic life and our little social pretensions, Souter's stories also focus in on the stresses and needs of people bumbling along trying to cope with the modern, urban human condition.

I've bought a second copy as a birthday gift to give to a friend who I know will really enjoy it, as she's a classic example of the hard-working modern woman who stumbles along marvellously on weekends trying – but not always succeeding – to be a domestic goddess. And she's in a book club ...

Besides, she's getting the gift copy because I don't want to give my copy away.

[Craig and Phil · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you Allen & Unwin for sending us a copy to read and review.
The little things in life are really not that small.
They form part of our everyday mindset, actions and influences.
Quirky and idiosyncratic behaviours are either learned or picked up during our formative years and never seem to leave us.
A collection of hints, anecdotes and funny experiences shape this collection and is nostalgic with the many topics covered.
The reader will resonate and nod their head or be shocked with how Fenella deals with situations.
Most notable are the issues with house guests and food related stories.
I found myself flipping through each of the categories quickly and reminiscent of similar experiences.
The catchy title and its content are a winning combination.
It even attracted the attention of a fellow plane traveller as I was finishing this.
The older man asked did I learn many tricks from this and proceeded to tell me one of his quirks.
If he ever vacuums he will leave the Hoover out so his wife knows he has done it .
A mindset makes us human.

[Lee Gilbert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Familiar

So many familiar stories, it is like the writer was entering my own household. Especially the story about the favourite wooden spoon, we have one too and it’s everyone’s favourite.

[Alexandra · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this light-hearted meander through daily life in 21st Century Australia. The chats about our everyday concerns was gentle and amusing in a reassuring, comforting sort of way.

[Melinda Kallasmae · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved, loved, loved this book. Would like to give it ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐, but that rating I reserve for Jane Austen et al.

[Bree T · Rating 3 out of 5]

These are a collection of pieces, some of which have been published previously as a column in a newspaper but I hadn’t ready any before receiving this book. Some of them revolve around how the author didn’t really learn domestic skills or routines etc, from her mother and this I can also relate to. My mother did all her housework weekly, vacuumed and mopped and scrubbed the bathroom, changed the sheets etc, without fail. She cooked and put meals on the table every night but she is an indifferent cook at best and most of her meals were either things heated up in the oven or meat and three vegetables. Her mother, my nan, is a wonderful home cook and baker, a woman who both worked in a time when many women her age did not and also fulfilled the role of homemaker. As a teen, I should’ve asked her to teach me how to cook (she did provide many of her recipes for baking, which I do use now) but I wasn’t interested. I muddled along teaching myself easy things at university and beyond and am now married to a man who does 99% of the cooking because he enjoys it. Which means that I basically do not have to. But it meant I never really developed a rhythm or taste for cooking and did it only so I did not starve. Likewise it’s taken me until the last year or so, to really develop a housework schedule that works for me. And I am not shouldering the entire load either, my husband pitches in a lot, apart from doing the cooking he also does a lot of the washing, folding and putting away of things as well as various other jobs.

Whilst this was a well needed break from some more serious reads, (although there are pieces in there that are also have a bit of a serious tilt, particularly ones where the author talks about the loss of her mother at a relatively young age) I’m not sure it does what it actually suggests in the title. There’s a lot of random stories, some of which I enjoyed and some of which the point of kind of passed me by, but I didn’t learn anything about how to actually make my house appear tidier or how to even actually tidy it! But there’s a lot of gentle humour, some relatable things about busy lives and the time, care and attention houses need to maintain some sort of order. The sort of book where so many times you are nodding your head and recalling a moment from your own life where you’ve experienced something really similar.

This was fine – it was a fun way to pass some time on the Easter long weekend.

***A copy of this book was provided by the publisher for the purpose of an honest review***

[Marles Henry · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not fanatical about tidiness. And I don't come from a 'home showroom' family. I was hoping for some tips that this author may have gleaned about being tidy - faking it or not. What I found in this book was a collection of short essays and prose (some of which had been published before) now collated in this one little book. This book, to me was more about not caring less or enough about the efforts of others more than life lessons about the art of cleaning or tidying. And a bit about order and structure in life. There was no Maria Kondo here.
Lots of shortish stories with a gentle humour, and sometimes smarmy whining that didn't have much to do with anything. There was not a lot of connection between the stories, apart from some reappearing friends and family members. I was looking forward to more reflection on the author's memories and reminiscings about her mother's housekeeping style (and lack thereof!). This might float your boat. Or may be a good light holiday read for you.

[Helen]

Fake it to make it

This was a book crying out to be written. Some of these pieces are reflective of situations in my own life I particularly alleviated the inner on leaf blowers and will be sending out to my nearest politician asap!

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great book of short articles that were published some time ago. I loved the stories themselves which covered parenting, life, marriage, friends and lots more. It was a great pick and put down book for those moments when you only have a short amount of time for reading

[Ietrio · Rating 1 out of 5]

so it is everything: a memoir, and a bad one. an advice book, and an unoriginal one. and some humor, the boring kind.

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really enjoyed her honesty. Rating should be 3.5. Creates humour and poignancy out of the mundane which is touching, amusing and thought provoking. Well written.