All this happened, more or less

by Jayne A. Quan

In this stunning debut collection, Jayne A. Quan writes with raw honest and humour about key moments in their life and transition. With lyric insight and quiet clarity, Quan navigates the intersection of loss, grief, memory and the power of love and healing through the lens of a body in motion. Courageous and poignant, these essays deftly explore what it takes to live your own truth and carve a place for yourself in a world that offers no blueprint.

Genres: Nonfiction

102 pages, Paperback

Published September 5, 2022

About the author

Jayne A. Quan (They/Them/Theirs) is, in no particular order, a queer, transmasculine, non-binary Asian American who received their Master of Arts from University College Dublin. Their work has been featured in Banshee, Call & Response, First Person PBS, and Advice For and From the Future. They were shortlisted for the 2019 Cosmonauts Avenue Non-Fiction Prize. They grew up in the sunshine off the coast of California, worked as a photographer in New York, and enjoyed the rain in Dublin, Ireland. Controversially, they claim to love cats and dogs equally.

Reviews

[Lucinda Garza Zamarripa · Rating 4 out of 5]

En estos ensayos hay dos temas principales: la pérdida prematura de un hermano y la experienicia queer transmasculina no binaria de le autore.

Jayne A. Quan intenta sanar las ausencias y hace paz con el pasado a través de un escritura muy muy personal, celebra el amor y recuerda el dolor, da su testimonio como hije de inmigrantes, expone el miedo al cambio y la búsqueda de paz y redención.

[Arielle Duhaime-Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a transmasc afab individual, I found Quan’s descriptions of the trans experience to be deeply honest, both in terms of the humor and the fear that can pop up when confronted with a world that hasn’t risen to the occasion yet. I also really appreciated their take on grief and loss. The “before” and the “after” of losing a family member can be so hard to convey, but they did so beautifully.

[Elizabeth McConnon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply moving biographical series of essays by Jayne about their experiences transitioning and coming out as queer, non-binary in an Asian American household in the States.

Jayne also spent some time in Ireland and talks somewhat about the received reactions from the people in the country.

These essays clearly lay out how I feel about bodies and how we should shed anything that makes us feel not truly alive in our own skin. These are stories about loss, grief, unforgettable moments, love and unrelenting need in authentication of our inner and outer selves.

Loved every moment.

[Róisin (somethingarosie) · Rating 4 out of 5]

https://on.soundcloud.com/cE8eJHrNMYq...

My review in the form of the a mini podcast ✨

[Áine O'Connell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a sensational little essay collection that’s powerful enough to linger in the mind long after the final pages. It’s a record of a period in Jayne A Quan’s life - a period in which they began medical transition, fell in love, and lost their beloved younger brother. The reflections are just stunning - melancholy but jewel-bright. Quan says it best themselves in the author’s note - “these essays are an ode to all that loss and gain, literally, metaphorically, in all the ways that matter”.

Jayne grew up in a large family who were twice bereaved, which they reflect on in the opening essay. It’s some of the most haunting writing on death I’ve ever read - startlingly matter-of-fact and emotionally eviscerating. They return to the death of their brother across the essays, grappling with how it is to live in a world without him. Particularly touching is “Better, Sweeter”, an essay that considers the fact that their partner and brother will never meet “two tines in the split fork of my life, running parallel to each other”. The book is dedicated to them both. “For Emily and Kaedyn, who finally, fortever, and only meet on this page”. I found this so deeply emotional to read, the push-pull of love and grief laid bare on the page.

Aside from bereavement, the other big topic tackled by these essays is Quan’s transition. It’s beautifully written about as a life-affirming process, one that is ultimately a radical act of self-love. I don’t want to speak too much on these essays as a cisgender person, but they are some of the most radical and touching writing I’ve read on trans issues.

This is certainly not a simple memoir - Quan tackles complex concepts and feelings in these deceptively short essays, including body dysmorphia, truth, memory and healing. There are worlds within their writing that deserve to be pored over, excavated. Quan is a poet as well as an essayist, and it shows in the quality of the writing. That said, I raced through this little book as I simply couldn’t get enough of the flowing, conversational yet artful writing style. This is, without a doubt, one of my non-fiction books of the year - thank you so much to @skeinpress for the proof copy.

[Setanta H · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genuinely the most seen I've ever felt as a trans person. I could not give less of a shit what you're politics are, read this book. This somehow perfectly describes what being trans is and how dysphoria can affect you.

[Shira Tarlo · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful, moving, and inspiring memoir about grief, love, and gender transition. Jayne is a stunning writer, and their debut is a must read.

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved every moment of it. I’m not typically a reader but I couldn’t put it down. Thank you Jayne for your openness and vulnerability

[TurningPagesClem]

Every souls should read this book. It’s sad, hopeful and beautiful !

[McKenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jayne's work is incredible. These essays of beauty, grief, heartache, and healing made me feel so close to the author and their experience and I am grateful they let us in. I hope to see more from Jayne in the future!!!