I'm Not Holding Your Coat: My Bruises-and-All Memoir of Punk Rock Rebellion

by Nancy Barile

Nancy Barile przeszła nietypową drogę: przykładna uczennica, rozczarowana realiami katolickiej edukacji, przeżyła fascynację muzyką lat 70. i stała się filarem filadelfijskiej sceny hardcore punk. Organizując jedne z pierwszych koncertów DIY w Filadelfii (między innymi dla Minor Threat i SSD) i udzielając się jako menadżer lokalnych kapel, Nancy znalazła się w samym centrum wydarzeń, podczas gdy pionierskie zespoły, takie jak Dead Kennedys i Black Flag, na nowo pisały historię muzyki popularnej. Nancy przetrwała punkowe zadymy, ostatecznie odnajdując w swoim buncie miłość i zyskując lepsze zrozumienie ludzkiej natury.

Ian MacKaye: Nancy napisała książkę o swoich punkowych latach w Filadelfii w pierwszej połowie lat 80., kiedy scena hardcore punk znajdowała się na etapie budowania tożsamości plemiennej. To właśnie wtedy po raz pierwszy młodzi ludzie zaczęli zakładać własne kapele, organizować koncerty, wydawać fanziny, tworzyć wytwórnie płytowe i wydawać płyty poza głównym obiegiem branży muzycznej. Punk, zarówno dla mnie, jak i zapewne dla większości z nas, był przede wszystkim metodą nawiązywania kontaktów, ponieważ z wielu różnych powodów wszyscy czuliśmy się zepchnięci na margines społeczny. Wykorzystywaliśmy muzykę jako przestrzeń spotkań albo rodzaj sekretnego języka, dzięki któremu mogliśmy rozpoznać swoich współtowarzyszy. Bywało, że wypatrzyłeś kogoś na ulicy i wiedziałeś, że łączy was wspólna, tajemna wiedza.

Genres: Music, Nonfiction, Memoir, Punk, Rock N Roll

192 pages, Paperback

Published June 15, 2021

About the author

NANCY BARILE has been a public high school English Language Arts teacher working with kids in Massachusetts for over twenty-six years.
In 2007, she was named a member of the USA Today All-Teacher Team, and in 2011 she was awarded the Massachusetts Commonwealth Award in Creative Leadership. She is a 2013 recipient of the Kennedy Center/Stephen Sondheim Inspirational Teacher Award; also in 2013 she was named Boston Red Sox Most Valuable Educator. She was a 2015 Top 50 Finalist for the Varkey Global Teacher Prize.

She is also an adjunct professor in the undergraduate and graduate schools of education of a Boston-area college. Her writing has been featured in the Huffington Post, The Guardian, Ozy, Education Week, the College Board, and Hey Teach.

Nancy lives outside Boston with her husband Al Barile and Flippy the Beagle.

Reviews

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed this stroll down the memory lane of a true original philly punk. I don’t know Nancy, but I feel I could. Almost. Sorta. A few years off.
Outside philly Nancy was a catholic school girl- smart, together, any yet a total rebel that fell for the music of hardcore punk. She saw just about every show there was to see (and has a list). Moved to center city Philadelphia and was in the thick of it. Got involved in booking shows and managing bands and being a do-er. The stories of some of the shows and the rough neighborhoods and the turf wars with locals, snd then the city feuds... wow! It was a different time than what I knew in PA, NYC and Boston a few years later. I enjoy that this is a humble story of her experience. She had fun, got inspired, and participated actively in a cool scene at a revolutionary time. She is tough and strong and a total badass and is just the sort of woman of punk that I looked to for inspiration once upon a time. I appreciate her perspective and
I really enjoyed ready her tales.

[Stay Fetters · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I appreciated the education I got from song lyrics. But if bands were going to be spouting homophobic and misogynistic rants, I would not support them."

Philly is one of the greatest cities when it comes to music scenes and history. I’m not just saying that because I’m biased. Hell, maybe I am since I was born and raised in South Philly. It’s known as the city of brotherly love but that’s not a reputation that the citizens of Philly have stuck to. Why don’t you ask Mara Wilson all about that! Hahaha

Nancy Barile takes us on a journey through the punk and hardcore scene of the eighties. She grew up right outside of Philly and eventually moved to the big city once she got older. By day she was a professional who worked at a lawyers office in Center City. By night she was a badass punk queen who really helped the music scene. She is an absolute legend.

This was a quick and interesting read. It brought back so many memories of when I was younger. It made me reminisce about going to punk and rock shows as a young woman and how we were treated differently than men. It was a great recollection of how she took charge and helped the music scene grow in a city that wasn’t always so nice to her.

I’m Not Holding Your Coat was a fantastic read. Everyone who’s into music, the Philly punk scene, or anyone who wants to read about a true badass should read this book. Her story paired with photographs makes this an even more phenomenal read.

[Mindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun look at the beginning of hardcore punk in Philadelphia and the neighboring cities. It was before my time and on the opposite side of the country but feels so nostalgic. Really captures the feeling of being young and crazy!

[Kevin R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dead Kennedys, Black Flag! Did you have a cool older cousin growing up with their t-shirt s? Well She Was There! Barile brings a (true) great coming of age story growing up on rock and roll all throughout the 70s and 80s going from Philadelphia to Boston living the true punk rock lifestyle and following the best bands of that generation! She starts off simply discussing her life as a teacher but when she gets nostalgic for the music you can tell she has a lot of heart of what she is writing about. For any fan of Punk ,HXC ,or music in general this book worth a read!

[chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nancy Barile explores her experiences in the Philly punk and hardcore scene of the early 80s, documenting her perspective as fan and eventual promoter. It is a quick, enjoyable read. I appreciated that while the landscape featured some names and places that are now iconic, the narrative didn’t shift to typical trivia. It very much remains a memoir. Barile very easily could have exploited the wild antics of shows in rough neighborhoods and the tensions between East Coast scenes, but instead focused on highlighting the web of the community and her own self discovery through the scene. Though decades apart in our experiences, I could find parallels to my own experiences as a female in the punk community. It made me incredibly nostalgic for the fast friendships that were formed when meeting punks from other cities at shows or through zines (and later generations: message boards). And I think fondly of hanging around outside the first punk club I ever went to, an all ages venue next to a porn shop where people from the community would hurl things out of their passing vehicles at the punks. She does a wonderful job illustrating the impact and influence of both women and youth in punk and touches on how time has exaggerated the “boys club” nature of punk when we look back. And I only found myself wanting a little more reflection on that, as it is something that has been problematic for some of the women who have come up after her. That said, I appreciate that she shares her lens with us and would definitely recommend this as a quick read

[Lori Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed, I cried with joy, and I mourned when I turned the last page. On the surface Nancy Barile presents an exciting snapshot of the Philly punk scene and the birth of Hardcore. Under the surface it is a story many of us experience when music takes hold of us, teaches us and shapes us into the adults we become. I was taken back to the time when I was first forming my musical tastes because many overlapped with the author's. The friends I made through music are still my best friends today. The awareness of the world around me and the opinions I would form were reflected in the lyrics and ideologies of the bands we loved. Nancy not only embraced every bit of this scene, she charged ahead and worked to expand it. I only wish my 13 year old self could have read this book. That anxiety ridden little girl needed it!

[Jen King · Rating 3 out of 5]

Philly, Boston, and punk are all things that I love, so I was already primed to love this memoir. Nancy tells stories about the early stages of the punk scene with a joy that feels contagious. I appreciate that she reflects on the violence at shows without romanticizing or condemning it, and explores what it was like to feel so alive in the middle of it. This is a truly wonderful little book.

[Ian Hart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome look back at the hardcore scene in the early 80s by someone who was right in the middle of it!

[John Dixon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up ‘I’m_Not_Holding_Your_Coat’ to learn about the punk music scene in Philadelphia, in the early 1980s. Specifically, I was interested in the riots that took place at music shows in the Kensington neighborhood in the summer of 1981, (a sore spot in Philly, then & now).
I quickly got sucked into the entire history of Philly's punk music, told through Nancy Barile's autobiography.
I couldn't put the book down.
Nancy paints vivid pictures of what life was like living in center-city during -possibly- Philadelphia's roughest time period. Caught between punk rock's main outposts, New York & Washington, D.C., Philly (and Trenton, NJ) had always been overlooked. Nancy shines a spotlight on this time period and location like no other recording of it has. Especially when told through the eyes of a woman leaving home, surviving, and struggling to --not just to be a part of-- but support and promote the burgeoning punk music scene in Reagan-era Philly.
I was especially moved by one chapter where Nancy's desk-job / law-office employers sat her down to offer help and aid. Seeing the cuts and bruises Nancy was trying to conceal in the buttoned-downed office, they automatically assumed she was involved in an abusive relationship. In fact, the visible injuries were contracted from attending and dancing at punk rock gigs.
Nancy Barile managed the bands, loaded the gear, booked the shows, wheat-pasted the promo posters, worked the doors, kept the lights on and was front and center in the crowd at countless rock shows.
No one could chronicle this time & place in music history better, because she lived & breathed & bruised every moment of it. Please read this book.

[Brett Peruzzi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nancy Barile expertly captures the emergence of the punk and hardcore music scene in the US during the late seventies and early eighties with the passion of a dedicated fan. She brings vivid detail and insight about the events she participated in and the people she meets as she transforms herself from a suburban Philadelphia Catholic school girl to a punk rocker living in the gritty heart of the city. Her deep involvement in the nascent punk community propels her into a bigger role as a band manager and promoter, where she gets to know bands and fans from all over the country. Despite her sometimes fierce appearance in her punk days, her sweetness and positivity perpetually shine through. After falling in love with the guitarist from one of Boston's hardcore bands, she relocates to the Hub and immediately embraces that city’s underground music scene as well.

As someone who was a part of the punk scene in Boston at that time, the descriptions of those heady, chaotic nights seeing bands like the Dead Kennedys and Black Flag ring very true to me and brought back many memories of my own. Barile’s tale of rebellion and her journey to freedom and adulthood from her conservative, provincial upbringing is both inspiring and exhilarating.

With over 50 photos, gig flyers, and other memorabilia from the era, I’m Not Holding Your Coat provides a compelling time capsule for both those who were part of the scene, and those who are interested in learning more about its origins.

[Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

I never knew a lot about the hardcore scene outside of Ian Mackaye, Henry Rollins and Black Flag, so I was glad to check out Nancy’s perspective as a Philly punk! 🎸

I love early punk so everything that came after in the 80s, all the aggressive hypermasculine stuff, didn’t grab me as much. But I have a newfound respect for the scene that Nancy described so well. All throughout I just felt jealous. I’d love to be somewhere with that kind of music community. When she got a job quick and packed up for Boston like it was no big deal I died!! Feels so out of reach for my generation. I also liked how she goes against the idea that women were left out of the scene, which is something I always believed when it came to hardcore.

My only gripe is that sometimes it reads like a school paper, like some things might have been left out & glossed over. But she’s a teacher now so makes sense. Anyway really enjoyed this.

[Mark Tolch · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you're going into this expecting a book on what it's like to be the wife of SSD guitarist Al Barile, give your head a shake. Nancy Barile was at ground zero of the Philly Hardcore scene, and has some great stories about the era when being a punk was a hazard to your health.

Starting off with her education in the state's Catholic school system, Barile draws definitive conclusions from that background to her need to get involved with HC. From fan to manager and promoter, the most intriguing thing about her story is that it goes full circle as she takes the lessons she's learned and applies them to her current profession as an educator.

The only fault that I could find with her book is that it's so easily read, it was over far too quickly.

[John Marr · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nicely written memoir of Barile's involvement in the embryonic hardcore scene in Philadelphia, complete with multiple concussions (If you were never knocked out, you weren't there). What makes this book especially interesting is that it's the only one I've read so far written from the point of view of someone who was neither a musician nor an incipient addict/alcoholic, resulting in a clear-eyed view from the pit of what hardcore was like as it coalesced into the native American style of punk rock. Although I'm from the other coast, Nancy's stories jibe nicely with what I experienced in San Francisco. This is definitely the real deal. Wonder if she ever ran across my old pal Sylvia Seegrist?

[Bennett Windheim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fascinating account of a coming-of-age much different from my own of the same period. Nancy Barile conjures the sights, sounds, and even the smells of the streets, clubs and crummy apartments of her life amidst the late 70s/early 80s punk scene. As I read I tried listening to a few tracks of the bands she writes about but came to the conclusion that to appreciate them you really had to be there. Fortunately, she was, and introduced this reader to a world I may never have otherwise experienced, but am glad I did.

[Judith Schneider · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't love this book enough. I read it start to finish in one sitting; I couldn't put it down. I don't usually re-read books but this one is an exception. I know this is the first of many times I will read I'm Not Holding Your Coat. I was having such a great time I didn't want the book to end. Nancy is a total badass and I'm grateful she's a teacher. She's teaching her students to think for themselves, and that gives me hope for a better future. She is punk rock at our best.

[Allie Magnuson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t wait to start reading this book! Nancy’s world into punk is so vastly different from the life I led yet I connected with it. I loved reading about her life in Philadelphia, her struggles and her determination!! The photographs give a glimpse into her world and whenever I got to a page with a photo I looked at all the details within them. Once I started reading, I was hooked and I couldn’t put it down. I highly recommend this book.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nancy is a master storyteller! We were a part of something special and although I missed Nancy by just a few years, the feelings are all the same. Reading this reminded me of the excitement I felt from the raw energy of a show to the fun & crazy times I had hanging out with friends outside of the clubs. I appreciated hearing this version from a woman’s perspective and it made me realize how much the hardcore scene has influenced who I am today.

[Erin Giesser · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS book! This riveting story will captivate you! It’s a story of growing up Catholic with strict parents and finding your joy through music! The characters Nancy meets and the adventures she has will make you fly through the chapters. The author’s sense of social justice AND humor come through every page.

[Juergen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A breezy romp through the memories of a pioneering member of the early Philly punk and hardcore scene. Probably less interesting if you don't have some affinity for punk and/or hardcore. Book suffered from what I figured to be slapdash editing, as I found more than a few errors in the Kindle version.

[G Garland · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED THIS BOOK !!!!
Very nice to read about a womans experience of punk and hardcore and her also being a teacher herself (shes just like me fr)
But anyway!!! Quick read, another book I struggled to put down and has some amazing examples for future essays I will be completing about fem presence in heavy much.

[Jeffrey Bumiller · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was really enjoyable. D.C., New York and Boston are all really well documented so it's great to read about Philadelphia's role in the 1980s hardcore punk movement. Nancy Barile is cool as hell. 4 stars.

[doug · Rating 5 out of 5]

fantastic book - great to read about the experiences of a woman in the scene. I will admit based on the stories I've heard, her experiences are not the norm, which is both sadly expected as well as horrifying

[Carolyn Jenkins]

Awesome book! The author really captures her truths, history, and her journey during the Punk Rock era.

[James Curtin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great insight to the early 80s Philly punk scene. Loved it.

[Lori Mc · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fun deep dive into the Philly punk scene

[Brenda Perlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I listened to music as an escape from a stifling, patriarchal household and a bleak educational environment. Music had always been a big part of my life, but now I began to recognize that it had the power to take me out of my suffocating surroundings and give me a voice where before I’d had none.”


I’m Not Holding Your Coat: My bruises-And-All Memoir of Punk Rock Rebellion by Nancy Barile is a relatable story of early years as a teen growing up and rebelling against all that felt wrong, searching for identity, finding your people and discovering life changing music.

The author writes with depth and authority. Her version of events brings back memories from a different punk scene but similar. The good and bad, but definitely a life changing time.

I enjoyed sitting back and diving into her life as a teenage rebel. The seventies and eighties were some rough times, different than now but somewhat the same. Grownups making bad decisions and people following along. Times change but people don’t. It’s a reminder to stay true to yourself and speak up when you see fit.

This novel is a love story to the friends that didn't judge and the music as a saving grace from not such good things going on in our lives. And the photos are an awesome addition.

Quote ~ “For me as a female who for most of her life had been told what to do, how to act, and what to think, punk was incredibly liberating. I always thought that exploring nonconformity and being on the cusp of something new was exciting and compelling. Punk helped me feel like a total badass. I didn’t care what anyone else thought about me or the music I loved.”

[Lawson Desrochers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book, I can go back and re-read sections and they never get old. And I had heard a lot of the stories before the book even came out! Now that's good writing. I cannot recommend this book any higher, I want to get some to give out as presents this year and touch a few more lives with Nancy Barile's tome.

[Sandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although I was not into hardcore punk (more of a New Wave person), I could identify with Nancy Barile's adventures. Thoroughly enjoyed revisiting those days. She's on Instagram and posts regularly. Always thoughtful and insightful!

[Russ Mikow · Rating 4 out of 5]

FFO early US hardcore punk

[Ron Maskell · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great read from a great perspective. I was a little too young for that era of punk and I am always interested in getting different viewpoints. This was a fun read and an interesting one too.