Goops and How to Be Them: A Manual of Manners for Polite Infants Inculcating Many Juvenile Virtues

by Gelett Burgess

The Goops they lick their fingers,/And the Goops they lick their knives, /They spill their broth on the tablecloth -/Oh, they lead disgusting lives! The rhymes and drawings in this hilarious introduction to manners for children still amuse and educate 100 years later, providing lessons valuable today and shedding light on turn-of-the-century American mores.

Genres: Poetry, Childrens, Humor, Picture Books, Parenting, Nonfiction, Classics

108 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1900

About the author

Frank Gelett Burgess was an artist, art critic, poet, author and humorist. An important figure in the San Francisco Bay Area literary renaissance of the 1890s, particularly through his iconoclastic little magazine, The Lark, he is best known as a writer of nonsense verse, such as "The Purple Cow", and for introducing French modern art to the United States in an essay titled "The Wild Men of Paris." He was the author of the popular Goops books, and he coined the term "blurb."

Reviews

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun and silly rhymes about good (and bad) manners. Enjoyed with my boys, and we'll probably return to it from time to time. Free on Kindle.

"Now the book is finished
(It's too long by half,
Mere didactic chaff),
One more rule won't hurt you:
When you practise Virtue,
Do it with a laugh!

[Holly Stone · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a funny first look at beginning manners for children with rhymes and illustrations easy for them to read (if they are old enough to read for themselves) or for you to read to your children (or someone else's) Written in 1900 by Gelett Burgess. I enjoyed the rhymes and the accompanying pictures. A wonderful start on good manners for young and old alike.

[Mary Eve · Rating 4 out of 5]

When my children were Littles and misbehaved at the table I often relied upon the Goops. One mention that the children were "being" Goops and order was restored. Now, one of my grands is old enough to learn about the mischievous Goops. She doesn't like it when I refer to these little Devils, but she does recognize that her behavior is unacceptable when Mimi says, "Ok, Leila. You're acting like a Goop." Works every time. I'm searching for a lovely vintage copy to add to my home library. Miss Leila loves storytime and I've started a wonderful collection for her. Its never to soon to introduce Littles to proper manners.


The Goops they lick their fingers,

And the Goops they lick their knives;

They spill their broth on the tablecloth—

Oh, they lead disgusting lives!

The Goops they talk while eating,

And loud and fast they chew;

And that is why I'm glad that I

Am not a Goop—are you?

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

"When a person visits you, remember he's your guest;
Receive him very kindly and be sure he has the best.
Make him very comfortable and show him all your toys,
And only play the games you're very sure that he enjoys.

When you pay a visit, never grumble or complain;
Try to be so affable they'll want you there again.
Don't forget the older ones, your hostess least of all;
When you're leaving tell her you have had a pleasant call."

This, more or less (I may have botched the punctuation because we memorized this one), is what you can expect from Goops and How to Be Them. Originally published in 1900, it introduces kids to manners and vocabulary they probably aren't used to seeing today! Reading it to my children, I was amazed at how much things have changed (e.g., what's expected of children) and how much things have stayed the same (e.g., how children naturally tend to behave). I even learned some new manners myself: did you know it's more polite when walking to pass behind someone than in front of them? It makes sense, but it had never occurred to me before.

Each poem was a chance not only to reinforce manners but also to teach them new vocabulary. Often I had to read the poem, explain the definitions of all the words, and then read the poem again for understanding.

This poetry volume also has some fun personal history behind it: when we showed bad table manners as kids, my mom would tell us, "Don't be a goop!" We always thought she had made up the word, but when we got older she said she'd gotten it from this poetry book that she had some memories of. My brother and sister-in-law tracked down the book and bought it for her for Christmas, so now my own kids get to benefit from this mannerly heritage!

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Originally published in 1900, this is an etiquette book for children. A copy of a 1923 edition was shelved in my Dad’s office when I was a kid, and it was the only book in there that intrigued me. I remember it was about manners, but more that it featured freakish little children with huge round bald heads. Growing up, I always thought these were the Goops—a Goop is an ill-mannered child, and you do not want to be one.

I just read it again, and the illustrations are the same—they also have octopus-like arms that seem to lack bones. But in many of the illustration, the “Goops” also demonstrate the proper behavior, so I guess that despite their alien appearance, they are just children. However all the adults look normal. Go figure.

The little poems on manners are just okay—they feel very much like an adult writing etiquette poems to be forced on children. And yet, I was drawn to this as a child. Perhaps it’s where my love of old etiquette books was born....

[Alyssa Bohon · Rating 3 out of 5]

The children seemed to enjoy it thoroughly, even though many words were over their heads. I liked some of the poems, but didn't care for the inconsistent 'set' of the collected poems - some were slightly sarcastic as to how to be a Goop (which you don't want) while others were more directly positive as to what one ought to do, but with each poem you were never sure which direction it was going. Overall, the illustrations and whimsical short lines were delightful for children and we will read it again.

[Mandy Lewis]

Such a fun way to teach children manners! This book is a compilation of short poems that teach kids how not to behave through the example of “Goops”. Anything from table manners, borrowing items, interacting with “disfigured” people, treating pets, tardiness, teasing, interrupting, etc... Although some of the advice given is a little outdated since this was originally written in the early 1900s the principles it holds stand the test of time. It is also gratifying to hear my children remind each other to not act like a “goop” when they are misbehaving 😁.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book taught me how to have the terrible manners I have today, such that my friends at summer camp refused to eat at the same table with me because of the way I held my spoon. Thank god for the Goops. I am going to be the creepy aunt that buys this as a present for babies.

[Redbird · Rating 4 out of 5]

I still have this book. I just found it in a box recently. What a treasure.

[Helynne · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I was small, I had a book of children’s poems that had two stanzas of Gelett Burgess’s collection about “The Goops”—specifically, the lines about table manners: “The goops they lick their fingers. The goops they lick their knives. They spill their broth on the table cloth. They lead disgusting lives.” Henceforth, whenever my table manners flagged, my mother would admonish me “not to be a Goop.” The illustrations depict these little losers as ugly, round-headed, bald guys—certainly, not the type any child would want to emulate. What I did not know until recently is that Burgess (1866-1951) wrote several collections of poems about a variety of bad behaviors by the Goops. This particular collection of clever, often laugh-outloud poems has a few more pieces about table manners, but it also includes others that warn kids about the undesirablilty of lots of other kinds of of Goop antics. Some fun poems include “Window-Smoochers,” (leaving greasy lip prints on the glass); “A Low Trick” (Goops who pull a chair out from under someone else) “Nell the Nibbler,” (pigging out on Goop food); “When to Go” (overstaying one’s welcome at other people’s homes); “Piano Torture” (banging mindlessly on the keys) and “Visiting” (“It’s better to be slighted than to stay when not invited for they never ask a Goop to come again!”); and “Book Manners” (scribbling in books); and one of my favorites, “Exaggeration” (“Don’t try to be more funny than anyone at school, for it you’re not, they’ll laugh a lot and think you are a fool.”) Some of the poems do not cite infractions, but rather urge kids toward good conduct. For example, “The Duty of the Strong” reminds bigger kids to help the littler ones. Every single poem is a gem and a reminder to kids everywhere to stop the whining, demanding, littering, showing off, wiping noses on sleeves, spitting, nose-picking, tattling, cheating, saying “ain’t,” and numerous other shenanigans that make parents cringe.

[Chandra · Rating 2 out of 5]

This turn of the century illustrated book for kids showcases "The Goops," Burgess's round-headed, badly behaved examples of how not to behave. More than anything, it's a cultural relic showcasing the degradation of common word usage (the Introduction page showcases the words paucity, precocious, atrocious and ferocious) contraposed against welcome advances in narrative style since that time. Namely, point of view. It's confusing to understand if you should be a Goop or shouldn't because each chapter changes perspective multiple times. "Are you a Goop or are you not?" is the central theme, which seems pretty strange in an instruction manual for youngsters. Still, it's fun to read what "manners" meant over a hundred years ago, and to see the Victorian dress of the parents. And the giant round-headed Goops are so basically drawn, it's amusing to imagine the state of publishing circa 1900. How low a bar, indeed.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Re-reading an old childhood favorite, first published in 1900. It holds up! I love the self-conscious priggishness of the advice contrasted with the gleeful illustrations of Goops wreaking chaos everywhere.

The Goops are gluttonous and rude,
They gug and gumble with their food;
They throw their crumbs upon the floor,
And at dessert they tease for more;
They will not eat their soup and bread
But like to gobble sweets, instead,
And this is why I oft decline,
When I am asked to stay and dine!

[LobsterQuadrille · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

A collection of silly instructive poems, decorated with crisp and clean drawings. I have always found the design of the Goops rather fascinating; those bald, spherical heads and boneless arms make them look like octopuses masquerading as human children. The adults look so different that I used to think Goops must be a separate species entirely. I think this strangeness is what makes the book; if the Goops weren't so weird-looking I don't think Goops and How to Be Them would be nearly as endearing or memorable.

[K · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd heard of this book before, but hadn't read it until recently. While not as dark and satisfying as Gorey's Gashleycrumb Tinies, the Goops also serve as subjects in various cautionary verses of prose. Rather than warn against physical danger, the Goops are perfect examples of what *not* to do with your behavior and manners.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Goops they lick their fingers,
The Goops they lick their knives,
They spill their broth on the tablecloth -
Oh, they lead disgusting lives!"
And we love them anyway, those tots with perfectly round heads and
ridiculous bodies, as they do everything wrong. Burgess's Goops are a delight!

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some rhymes are hilarious, some are a bit moralistic.

Some were fun because of the habits that have changed (carrying two handkerchiefs).

One I found troubling because it was the "Big boys and girls don't cry" lie. Mr. Rogers would not approve.

[Rachel Dietrich · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a fun way to teach children manners - my daughter isn’t two yet and loves to look at the illustrations of the naughty Goops while I read her each rhythmic lesson. A great intro to manners for littles, and great ideas for parents teaching manners.

[BLDinMT · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was both charming AND weird. I jotted down the title after encountering it in the children's room during a tour of the original Montana governor's mansion.

I read a free digital version available at the Internet Archive. https://archive.org/details/goopshowt...

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Explains a lot

I got this book as I read that Dr Seuss another would read it to her children. It is rhymy and not a little weird. Strange illustrations and crazy text teaching manners.

[Lisa Quenon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I grew up hearing the lessons of the Goops. This book is a classic; originally published in 1900.

I enjoy sharing the cautionary tales and lessons of the Goops with young friends today.

[Daria · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love Goops. However, I hate the Kindle version. it's poorly formatted, No photos, symbols instead of words. Don't waste your money on the Kindle version.

[Alexandra McCourt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. My grandmother read it to me as a child and it still holds true.

[Kathryn Baron · Rating 3 out of 5]

A volume from my childhood. Used as a coloring book.

[T.]

Kids loved it.

[Anne Broadmeyer]

Some younger adults may find this offensive. I grew up having it read to me and wanted to share with my 29 yr old daughter.

[Pat · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remember teaching "The Goops" poem to my little sister. It was so fun. I bought her the posters and they scared her so much that she hung the in her closet! We taught the poem to our children when they were learning table mannners. My goodnesss, the fun never ends. 'The Goops they lick their fingers/And the Goops they like their knives,/They spill their broth on the tablecloth/Oh, they lead discusting lives./The Goops they talk while eating,/ and loud and fast they chew,/ And that is why I am glad I am not a Goop/Are you?

[jacky · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not sure if this is the book, but I am marking it for now so I don't forget. My father used to read the poem about the Goops aloud to us, usually at dinner time. It was in a book that had lots of other poems or stories, but being so young, I never knew if it was some sort of collection or a book all by the same author. The Goops is all I remember.

[Jo Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fun collection of verse to illustrate proper manners. The Goops have been teaching children through their impoliteness for over 100 years.

"For in Rudeness they're Precocious,
They're Atrocious, they're Ferocious!"

"Ask yourself, upon the Spot,
Are you Goop, or are you Not?"

[Bayneeta · Rating 5 out of 5]

A childhood favorite. The original was published in 1900. My brother Doug gave us all copies of this reprint for Christmas. Thought I'd include my favorite here, but I couldn't choose just one. I love all the little round-headed Goop illustrations too. Wonderful memories!

[stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book rocks my face off. it's supposed to be a child etiquette guide, but it's really just hillarious.