What I Don't Know about Death: Reflections on Buddhism and Mortality

by C.W. Huntington Jr.

A Buddhist scholar reflects on life, death, and the ways we blind ourselves to the inevitable as he confronts his own mortality.

In the winter of 2020 a renowned scholar of Asian religions, lifelong meditator, and novelist accustomed to vigorous health received a terminal diagnosis. By summer his cancer had run its course. In the short time in between, C. W. “Sandy” Huntington faced his own impending death, leading him to reconsider the teachings and practices, as well as philosophy and literature, he had spent a lifetime pursuing. In this, his last book, you’ll join Sandy as he traverses the gap between knowledge and true wisdom. 

“Sandy Huntington urges his readers to face up to life’s fragility as well as its many gifts. Written with elegance and verve, What I Don’t Know about Death is a deep meditation on what it means both to wake up to and to let go of life. Drawing on his lifelong engagement with Buddhism, Huntington remains a consummate teacher who demands intellectual honesty, humility, and compassion from his readers no less than from himself. This book is an intellectual and spiritual offering to Huntington’s students, past and future.”—Leora Batnitzky, Ronald O. Perelman Professor of Jewish Studies and professor of religion, Princeton University 

“What I Don’t Know about Death is a deeply personal, intellectually rigorous, and philosophically profound exploration of death, and in particular of Sandy’s own death, which he faced with exemplary grace, honesty, and clarity as he wrote this book. This is a gift of remarkable beauty that can open our hearts and minds to this most difficult topic. Read it and weep, with tears of grief, gratitude, and illumination.”—Jay L. Garfield, Smith College and the Harvard Divinity School

Genres: Buddhism, Death

174 pages, Paperback

Published September 7, 2021

Reviews

[Keith Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the Fall of 1991 and most of 1992, Sandy Huntington, Karl Pohrt and I would meet for lunch at the Michigan League and talk about Sandy's book "The Emptiness of Emptiness: An Introduction to Early Indian Madhyamika." It was a difficult book, but was the one that established Sandy's cred in Buddhist studies. Karl had a better foundation in Buddhist philosophy than I had, but I was probably a bit better acquainted with Western philosophy and critical theory, which Sandy also used to shape his interpretation of the ancient Sanskritic text he translated here (Chandrakirti's "The Entry into the Middle Way") . But we worked through the book sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph, and had the author to guide us the whole way. It was a great reading experience. I marked this in particular, near the end of Sandy's long introduction -- "... this philosophy offers no answers. All it does is dissolve the old questions, which are seen to have been misguided from the start, leaving behind nothing that a dramatic awareness of the living present--an epiphany of one's entire form of life."

I'm not sure Sandy would have used those words when he came to the end of his life, but this posthumous book is not far off. Sandy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January, 2020, and died in July of that year. Apparently he wrote this short book in between those dates. At times it has the difficulty of the philosophy Sandy spent a lifetime studying and at other times it has the immediacy of the sick man who knows he's going to die. He writes -- "These days I'm resolutely ensconced at home, an old, dying man living out his last days in quarantine from a pandemic that is ravaging the world."

And later, very near the end, he writes -- "With the passing of the final weeks and days of my life, I am learning the hardest of lessons: to no longer want more than I am given, and to allow what I have been given to guide me through the purifying flames of love and grief into the brilliant darkness of unknowing." If you think that sounds a little easy, realize that it comes after a very rigorous, and (I suspect -- but don't know) quirky interpretation of some arcane Buddhist philosophy.

Karl and Sandy have both died now, and I am the only one who remembers those extraordinary lunches at the League when we tried to wrap our brains around some difficult ideas, ideas that helped shape Sandy's life and eased his dying.

[Sofía Farrés · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this. Genuinely. Another one from Amer’s class

[amelia · Rating 4 out of 5]

what a gift sandy has left for us. as someone who has had very little education on buddhism, i struggled in the early chapters. but his way of tying together a myriad of religious and literary ideas was beautiful and that final chapter is golden!!
actual rating 4.5

[rhianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

last minute transferred into my favorite professor’s class on the practice of emptiness in buddhism & this was our required reading. i could not be more grateful to have read this. gonna pass it down to my children & read it again when i’m old. GO BE PRESENT!!!

[Charlotte · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh man I cried like a baby at the last chapter. A beautiful exploration of a beautiful contemplative tradition and all its wonderful contradictions. Lovely

[Gabrielle Chirco · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was a lot to comprehend

[Bryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

almost excellent

Except for an unneeded side trip into nothing vs something. Skip those chapters and read a near-perfect book.

(2 more words required, it says)