Deep Kindness: A Revolutionary Guide for the Way We Think, Talk, and Act in Kindness

by Houston Kraft

Spread meaningful kindness in your everyday life with this essential guidebook to making the world a kinder, more accepting place.

Practicing kindness is an essential step in helping to repair a world that has grown to be more divisive, lonely, and anxious than ever. But with quotes like “Just be kind” or “Throw kindness around like confetti,” we’ve oversimplified what it takes to actually demonstrate kindness in a world crying out for it.

Deep Kindness pairs anecdotes with actions that can make real change in our own lives, the lives of others, and throughout the world. Diving into the types of kindness the world needs most today, this book takes an honest look at the gap between our belief in kindness and our ability to practice it well—and shows us how to put intention into action. Exploring everything from the empathy gap to the skill of emotional regulation, Deep Kindness is perfect for anyone who believes in a kinder world and recognizes that there is a lot of work to do before we achieve it.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Professional Development

192 pages, Paperback

Published April 26, 2022

About the author

Houston is an author, speaker, curriculum developer, and kindness advocate who has spoken at over 600 schools or events internationally. In 2016, he co-founded CharacterStrong - curriculum and trainings that help schools teach social-emotional learning, character education, and Kindness. To date, they have worked with over 2500 schools globally in all 50 states and 9 countries. In 2019, his face was featured on Lays BBQ chip bags as someone who helps "spread smiles." He was once invited to play on the JV National Lasertag Team.

Reviews

[Megan Moss · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great read with some great takeaways.

Things that stood out:
1) there are different types of kindness: 1) practical kindness (please/thank you, opening a door, etc.), 2) confetti kindness (dropping cookies off, paying for the car behind you in the drive up, etc.) and 3) Deep kindness. Deep kindness is the type of kindness that always benefits the receiver more than the giver, it’s not always convenient, it requires pausing and really understanding what someone needs. It’s not always popular.

The author is a proponent of all types of kindness but this book is about what it takes to be deeply kind. There were a few parts that stung a bit because I think it’s easy to sometimes use “being nice” as an excuse for not always being kind. I know I’ve done this.

I also really liked about how the author talked about how we would all most likely say that kindness was good, but there is a gap between our words and actions. What’s with this gap? The author explores what gets in the way of being kind. He explores how insecurities, incompetence, and inconveniences get in the way. He makes a good point that we are often our own biggest barriers. I also appreciated his vulnerability with his own personal struggles.

This was a good listen, I may slightly recommend a hard copy for some of the formatting of the book, but I did like listening to the author read it and got a lot out of it.

There’s a lot to think about from this book and some good actionable ideas about how to be more kind.

[the_bizarre_bibliophile · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good. I had to read it for school but it was entertaining.

[MsSamsel Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an easy yet challenging read. Easy in the sense that Kraft curated a natural flow throughout the book that helps you cruise through the pages. Challenging because it took all of my fears and anxieties and threw them in my face time and time again. With the fear, anxiety, uncertainty and overt division of our country and our planet, Deep Kindness is a necessary re-examination of the way our world views, values and acts - or fails to act- in Kindness. With thoughtful reflection questions and tangible actions at the end of each chapter, this is a book that not only redefines what it means to TRULY be "Kind", but provides real action items to put these concepts into practice. That being said, every time I walked away from this book I was left with self loathing and then racked my brain with all sorts of contemplative questions.

Don’t get my wrong, I didn’t go into this book to find answers or change the world. I already had the philosophy that Kindness is not simple and that it comes with hard work, but this book showed me just how HARD it is to truly be Kind. Kraft was quite upfront about how he is unable to be Kind in his own life. He did this in a way that I couldn’t help but self-reflect and as a result, I too find myself unable to be Kind more often than I’d like to admit. Eye opening, heart wrenching, and a must read for all of humanity.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was both an easy and a tough book to read. On one hand, Kraft writes in a smooth, easy way and takes time to explain more complex psychological concepts. But, most of the time, he talks about his interactions with people on his speaking tours and in his own life. He relates the concept of deep kindness in a variety of ways - including deep kindness to ourselves, which is what makes it a rough read for me. The way he talks about being kind to yourself is by talking about how he learned to be kind to himself, though, which again makes the work at least more approachable. Toward the last quarter of the book, he especially talks about whether feeling like you're being productive or expecting others to be productive all the time is deep kindness (hint: it's not), and I really wish I could have showed those few chapters to certain people in my life, beginning with my daughter.

Definitely a great book and one I should return to and read parts of for a while. Quick note: the website for the book is not super-intuitive, but if you keep clicking links and digging, you can find lots of supporting resources, including book club questions, journaling prompts for yourself, and suggestions about where to go next in your development of a deeply kind self.

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been a big fan of Houston Kraft as a keynote speaker since I was introduced to him at a conference. Since then I have been a follower of his work with John Norlin and CharacterStrong. So for me, this book really was a great reminder of the work he has been doing in both of these roles for many years.

I felt his personal stories helped to ensure the reader understood that Houston is just as human as the rest of us. I like it when an author (or really anyone) doesn't put themselves above the rest of us, and makes it clear that we all have work to do in order to make things better.

One of the best parts of this book is that beyond diving into the issue of kindness in our world, there are reflection questions throughout as well as some clear models to follow in order to take action. I'm looking forward to putting this reading into action myself, and I certainly hope that more people read and respond to Houston's call for "Deep Kindness."

[Luke · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like some of the ideas the author presents and the different ways he views kindness"," but I think this book could be much better if it came from a more scientific (psychological) background. Pretty much everything he talks about is anecdotal and personal. His main thesis is that everyone views kindness as "confetti kindness" which is the "free hugs" people and the pay if forward coffee lines. But in reality the world needs much deeper thoughtful meaningful longer lasting kindness. A couple key ideas: nice is reactive"," kind is proactive. You are what you do - you are your habits. Kindness is difficult and you really need to get over your own insecurities and put forth real and meaningful effort. Stop worrying about what other people might think. Also just glad this was only 160 pages.

[Y T · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author writes on the need for deep kindness in our society. He shares various anecdotes of his encounters in the various schools that he spoke at.

At times I got lost in the midst of the writings but it did get me thinking how I can show kindness to others in my daily life. It could be as simple as spending time with the family, or taking care of myself to have a balance in life.

The main themes were that many people avoid being kind due to their own perception of incompetence, insecurities, inconvenience and lack of consistency. We need to be mindful of the themes in order to be kind.

Overall a simple read for anyone looking to understand kindness or simply getting some food for thought and reflection.

[Carla · Rating 5 out of 5]

The timing of this book was fortuitous for me. It has really helped me understand the needs of my middle school students as we integrate back into the classroom and in-person learning after eighteen months. We are all a bit out of practice when it comes to social interactions and "how to human." This book really helped me understand how key mastering emotional regulation and more are before we can treat each other well. A highly recommended read.

[Keri · Rating 4 out of 5]

While there was nothing groundbreaking for me in this book, it was a nice read and reminded me of some important ideas that I would like to emphasize in my life.

The book definitely reads like it’s written from the perspective of a public speaker- which it is, so so issues there. But for that reason I might have given this 3 stars (not my favorite writing). Still, for me it gets 4 stars for the moments that really struck me and left me wanting to be better.

[Antonietta tesfaye · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s a great concept but did we take into consideration for example, approaching someone that seems to be distraught to give kindness. But do we know if it’s a scam? I hate to be cynical but this is a ploy used by some to abduct women. Also, what about people that have anxiety and have trouble reaching out to strangers and giving a kind word? Some people just have trouble expressing themselves due to their anxiety.

[Greta · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This book has found me in a time when I often have "no money in my emotional bank account" to give to others and "run on burners" as the author says in the book. It took me some time to finish and process it, but I definitely recommend reading/listening, everyone can take some good points to reflect on from it.

[Kate Gerber · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not a fan of overusing capitalization as a point of emphasis (reminiscent of Simon Sinek’s Start with Why), but this book does deliver a positive and much-needed message. Definitely one that I will keep on my bookshelf and either reread or reference again in the future.

[Maggie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a lot of novel material, but pulls from lots of different sources (ie: Brene Brown) and personal experiences. A few things made me reflect toward the end.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of those books you want to read again and again to glean just a little more from.

[Shelly Carman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing ideas. I need to re-read once I've processed so I can retain and implement.