It's Your Loss: Living With Grief Is Hard. We Hope This Book Will Help.

by Emma Hopkinson, Robyn Donaldson

Go on a journey of exploring the different approaches to grieving loss and discover the one that’s right for you

Written by two women who experienced loss at a young age, this incredible grieving book will help you navigate any kind of loss, whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship or the loss of your job.

Living with grief is hard. Let It's Your Loss help you find your new normal. It

   • 10 chapters that focus on a different step of the journey through loss.
   • Topics reviewed by each of the authors in turn — one taking a more thoughtful, introverted approach, the other more practical and extroverted.
   • Five-minute fixes offer quick-and-easy practical coping suggestions.
   • Professional grief advice anchors the topics in sound psychological principle.

Losing something or someone can be devastatingly painful, with far-reaching effects. But, loss is a natural part of life, one we all go through. This grief recovery handbook shows you how to recognize your grief and loss, take the time to sit with it, look at it and ultimately understand your reaction to it. 

Authors Emma Hopkinson and Robyn Donaldson believe that there is no right or wrong way to cope with loss. In this book about grief, they explore their own natural inclination to either keep their feelings in (Emma) or let them all out (Robyn), while offering key things they’ve learned along the way.

By working through your emotions of shock, disbelief, guilt, anger and sadness, and taking time to heal and accept your loss, you’ll learn how to comfortably move through life after loss.

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction

304 pages, Hardcover

Published November 9, 2021

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I stumbled upon this book by chance - I was in my local library, returning some books, in a daze, with no plans to check any others out. My Grandad had died a few days prior, and I felt completely, utterly, off-kilter.

Then I saw this book lying on one of the tables, realised it was a book about grief, and decided to give it ago.

I’m glad I did, because in those first few weeks, I struggled to do anything that wasn’t directly linked to my Grandad, or the overwhelming feelings I felt. I couldn’t watch tv, scroll social media, or read any of my other books. But I had this book, and it helped me feel seen. I couldn’t read much of it during those early days, but I could still read a bit, and that was huge.

What I liked about this book is, while the authors are talking about huge parental losses (one talks about loosing her mother, and the other her nan, who was a mother figure in their family and her life) in their life, they acknowledge other losses as well. Losing a pet, a job, a relationship, ect. While the book leans towards the grief of losing a person in your life, they make it clear that they want people to be able to apply it to any losses that they’re going through, and I think that’s a really good idea.

The chapters usually go over different topics of loss (the initial hit, the aftermath, picking up the pieces, remembering, moving forward ect) and how to cope with/help someone else when everyone’s coping looks different. They mostly use the examples of Introverted and Extroverted responses, as that’s what the two authors lean towards themselves. It’s helpful to see examples of two very different responses to grief, and anyone who picks this book up will probably see faucets of themselves, and their own responses, reflected back at them.

It can be funny, it can be sad, it can be touching. It had me photographing some of the pages to use as reminders to myself, particularly the part in the ‘misty watercoloured memories’ chapter, where Robyn details how saving every little thing of theirs can lead to hoarder tendencies, and that they’re not simply the things they left behind…something I probably needed to hear, as I currently have about four old pairs of his glasses, sitting on my dining room table. Or, how the things that you do keep, and love, and hold on a higher pedestal because of their connection to the person you loved are just…things. And they hold meaning because you put it there. And if, god forbid, one of those things goes missing, or breaks, it doesn’t detract from the meaning it had, and why you loved it so much, because it simply represents the love you had for that person which never goes away.

Which isn’t to say you shouldn’t keep hold of these things, but it was a good reminder to not go overboard and refuse to let go of anything, or have too much of a major nuclear level meltdown if I chip a mug that was his (can’t promise I won’t still have a little nuclear level meltdown though. But it is still something I will remember and hold on to.)

At the end, Robyn says one of her hopes for the book is that someone feels a little less alone in it all. I can vouch and say that I did, and I’m glad I had it to read during this time.

[Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a really good book about loss. However, some sentences were just a muddle and I had no idea what they were trying to say but overall this is full of good stuff. The book bounces back and forth between introvert (Emma) and extrovert (Robyn) perspectives. I highly recommend reading both sides as there is value in both and you are neither of these people so your experience will not be the same.

From the tabs that I littered through the book as I was reading...
• I love that they referred to this a vague theme park map with just toilets and food and they will help with the rest.
• Referencing that the pandemic has created another kind of loss for people. (Felt that one)
•Looking at loss is retrospect. "That was wonderful - I really should have appreciated that more."
• You seem to develop a very dark sense of humour when you're well acquainted with loss. (Preach)
• What works for you for one loss, might not work for another.
• There is something about standing at the top of a hill looking out at the sea when you're sad that feels very, very right. (Love the drama behind this)
• Healing takes time, and you can't fast forward time.
• Loss is freeing. It changes you and you become a better person.

[Pamela Cockerill · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book perplexing. It’s written by two young women who have experienced bereavement, as so many of us have, but who somehow feels this gives them the credentials to suggest to the rest of the world how to deal with it. It reminds me of those books on motherhood written by celebrities who’ve just had their first baby. Parts of it read like a transcription of sessions with a therapist and since both women say they have been in therapy , perhaps that is exactly what they are. But please, while gaining insight into your own feelings over one bereavement may have been useful for you, do you really feel that sharing your navel-gazing is doing the world a service?. That seems to me to be rather arrogant for two people with no qualifications in psychology, psychotherapy or counselling.

[Amy Jin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I end up not finishing the book because I find it too long and all the books is writing about the life of two women respectively , well I would like to see something more general like how to adjust your mental health back when facing a loss ,not like two women writing their opinions regrading their own experience, I am sorry for what happened to their life but I guess the way everyone faces losses are different so that’s why this book did not help me.

[Rachel Kuehl]

I may have read this too early on in my grief. It just felt a bit condensed for me to absorb at this point in my journey. I did take helpful bits and pieces and shuffled around the book a lot. I don’t feel like I can accurately rate at this time, it seems like a book I might pick up at a later time.

[Vee · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book gives some helpful advice but didn't really apply to my life when I bought it. I recognise grief is universal, but didn't know the book would be mostly focused on a loved one dying. The casual language also got slightly irritating but perhaps younger people would appreciate it. However, the authors wrote a good book that I've no doubt helps people with similar experiences.

[Miranda Rueckert · Rating 5 out of 5]

There aren’t many books out there for 20 somethings experiencing grief and this book is a perfect read I cannot recommend it enough. I felt so seen and could understand myself even more but also this book felt like a chat with someone who cared, it was funny even though it was about hard things

[Shannon · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book should be classified as a memoir because it is only these two women's perspectives on grief. There is no research or scientific basis provided. The book has an appealing cover and layout so I kept reading, but I am sad that I cannot gain the time invested in reading this back.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had its moments.
Helpful to some but maybe not to others

[Brenda Amondi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I commend the two authors for sharing their experiences on Grief. However, I found the book to be unnecessarily long. There was a lot of repetition and as a reader I ended up being bogged down with too much irrelevant information.