Felonious Monk

A Felonious Monk Mystery #1

by William Kotzwinkle

It is a strange fact that when a man seeks to practice virtue, he will summon its opposite, as if the seven deadly sins were lying in wait to trip him up. Meet Tommy Martini, the monk with an anger management problem. Since killing somebody with a single punch is not a needed talent in a monastery, he spends his time praying, meditating, and taking his anger management medicine. But his meditations are interrupted by a legacy from his uncle, a crooked priest. Arriving in a New Age Arizona town to claim his inheritance, Brother Tommy meets a charismatic, smoking-hot cult leader who claims that women are being impregnated by alien beings while they sleep. Tommy's own sleep is disturbed -- by cartel hitmen, Mafia bill collectors, and women intrigued by his vow of chastity. He loses his anger management medicine in time to deal with the hitmen, but the women present an uphill battle. William Kotzwinkle's quicksilver touch has produced an effervescent piece of entertainment filled with suspense, turns you won't see coming, and the humor for which he is famous.

Genres: Mystery, Fiction, Crime, Audiobook, Suspense, Thriller, Humor

288 pages, Hardcover

First published August 31, 2021

About the author

William Kotzwinkle is a two-time recipient of the National Magazine Award for Fiction, a winner of the World Fantasy Award, the Prix Litteraire des Bouquinistes des Quais de Paris, the PETA Award for Children's Books, and a Book Critics Circle award nominee. His work has been translated into dozens of languages.

Reviews

[Carolyn Walsh · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I wish to thank NetGalley and Blackstone Publishing for an early copy of this much-anticipated book in return for an honest review. This was a bizarre story that reminded me of old pulp fiction with more sexual activity and gore. From early reviews, I expected humour but found this only present in the absurdity of the grotesque situations. It was well-written, and I believe the author accomplished his goal, but this book is not for everyone.

Tony Martini has just left his 5-year stay in a monastery to attend his uncle's funeral. He is a big, tough man who was studying at college and was due for wrestling at the Olympics. He had no true religious vocation but became a monk in penance for accidentally killing a man in a fight. He is highly skilled in fist fighting, kickboxing, and martial arts. Tony has anger issues setting off blinding rages. He has been calmed by the solitude and routine of the monastery life and heavy doses of medication.

His uncle was a wealthy, much loved, corrupt priest. He lived in a lavish mansion. Tony's grandfather was the head of a criminal mob who lived in apparent poverty to evade scrutiny by the FBI.

Attending his uncle's funeral was not a good idea. He finds that he is now the owner of the wealthy priest's luxurious home and property. His inheritance has angered his sisters. He finds himself in danger from Italian mob assassins, ruthless Chinese gangsters, and other assorted criminals. He is pleased to stop taking his medication so that he can release his rage. Bodies pile up and must be hidden from law enforcement. He also discards his vows of celibacy.

The town attracts new-age cults, UFO fanatics, and people believing that alien (demonic) entities invade human bodies, causing character flaws, ill health, and emotional disturbances. Toni is attracted to the wrong type of woman, including an affair with a psychotic, married con-woman and her most ardent follower. There are more dead bodies, gruesome scenes, and corpses to be hidden. In his spare time, he participates in cage fighting, which draws the attention of recruiters for the wrestling circuit.

What will the outcome be? Will he manage to untangle himself from his lust for inappropriate crazy women? Will he somehow free himself from being the target of gang leaders and their hitmen? Will he become a professional wrestler or live idly on the great wealth he inherited? Will he end up in prison or back at the monastery? There are some interesting decisions that Tony must make. I believe some readers will enjoy this suspenseful book despite its violence and grotesque scenes.

[K.J. Charles]

I bought this book for the title, obviously. It's a superb title; it's sadly obvious that the book was written to fit it. TBH it feels like the author was winging the whole thing as he went along, and it's redolent of noir sexism (all the women in it are at least one of scheming, sexpot, lunatic, or damsel in distress) and there isn't a mystery which makes me wonder about the series title, but you know. The writing is nicely evocative and it's a fun ride if you want US border noir and murder but Monkish Jack Reacher it is, sadly, not.

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Felonious Monk
By William Kotzwinkle
I was disappointed that it wasn't humorous as the blurb implied. It is abies and out a guy who killed someone while working as a bouncer. He went to Mexico to become a monk for his transgressions. His uncle dies, and he goes to the States for the funeral. The reader finds that his uncle is a man of the cloth and very rich. His family is very mob like. What happens then has him in deep with bad characters, surprises, and dead bodies. Interesting but not spectacular. I guess because I was hoping for the humor.

[Susan Tunis · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Actually, a very competently written mystery. I just don't especially want to spend further time with the protagonist.

[RMazin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Tony Martini is the Felonious Monk. He has been in exile at a monastery in Mexico. Tony, a man with wrestling (and other) skills and a very short fuse, accidently killed a young boy. To make things right (disappear) his uncle, a former mobbed up wealthy priest, paid up and made Tony go away for a while. But now, the uncle has died, and Tony returns to the USA for the funeral. Things do not go well.

This book requires a specific reader to get the most out of it. Picture if a lesser Carl Hiaasen and Tony Soprano birthed a writer on steroids who wanted to skew mobs, Arizona (specifically Sedona, Phoenix), Las Vegas, and the Vatican. Sprinkle in some odd sex moments, weird descriptions, New Age nonsense, some great lines and odd characters. Then this is the book for you, but not me. Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for providing this title for review.

[Dosha (Bluestocking7) Beard · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a lot of fun…starting out as a mafia story with a great sense of humor and then turning out to be not quite so funny, but still able to bring a smile to my face. I enjoyed the entire story.

[Fred Forbes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actually 3.5 stars but rounded up due to the fast pacing, interesting plot twists, fun read if you can handle the body count. Many characters are stereotypical but interesting - the fellow who spends 5 years in a monastery after accidently killing a young man in a bar fight, the woman who is convinced we are all inhabited by nano sized aliens that she can exorcise (interestingly, does not charge for the service), the bent priest who assists in "rescuing" church properties put up for sale as the attendance declines, the connected cousin able to arrange all manner of "help" when it comes to body disposal. No, those aren't the stereotypical ones, that seems to be reserved for the numerous bad guys.

[Bruce · Rating 2 out of 5]

Moves well. No bog spots, but also little texture or substance. Excessive graphic violence. I like some of Kotzwinkle's work a lot, but this one left a bad taste in my head.

[Peter Bradley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book Review - Thriller/Adventure

https://medium.com/@peterseanbradle/b...

Felonious Monk by William Kotzwinkle

This is an engaging thriller with a Marty Stu problem. 

Tommy Martini is twenty-six years old and a Benedictine monk. He is probably a novitiate since that is how things work in Benedictine monasteries. He entered the monastery when he was twenty-one after accidentally killing someone while working as a bouncer. Tommy is big, strong, and gifted in martial arts. 

He also has an anger problem which he probably inherited from his family, who are mafia royalty. Tommy's grandfather, Primo, was the head of a New Jersey crime family. His generation of the family has mostly left "the life," but they have enough connections to get government contracts and bury bodies in the foundations of buildings.

Tommy differs from the family in being a white knight. He leaves the monastery by helping a teenager avoid enlistment in the town's cartel. He ends up in Arizona because of the death of his uncle Vittorio. As Tommy discovers, Vittorio is a priest who never left the family tradition. 

After Vittorio leaves the bulk of his inheritance to Tommy, Tommy discovers that he also left the entanglement of a surprising number of grifts and swindles with people who think Tommy should pay. That puts Tommy on a journey of discovery as he works at learning what Vittorio was up to and where the loot went.

Not surprisingly, this turns into a showcase of Tommy's gift of violence. The whole thing is very entertaining in a thriller/adventure way. In particular, a scene where Tommy is picked up as a bystander in a gang hit is very exciting as a set piece of the action. I enjoyed this very much, but as an objective reader stepping back, Tommy seems a bit too good in his fights, almost a Marty Stu character in that things are just a tad too easy for him. On the other hand, this is not what I was thinking while I was reading, which speaks to the author making the sale by keeping my interest. 

The story zipped along. I liked the characters. I liked the goofy Italian mafia family stuff. The story
makes for a good diversion which is all it tries to be.

[tortoise dreams · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you view reading as a journey and not a destination this may be your book. A quick and entertaining read that held my attention like Gorilla Glue, but at the end there wasn't as much to takeaway as I expected. Which Kotzwinkle has done to me before. His writing is so professionally crafted and masterfully shaped that I think I'm going to get some epiphany or revelation at the end (especially at over 300 pages). I didn't. Our hero, Tommy Martini, is Jack Reacher as a Benedictine monk with anger management issues, connections to the Mafia, and an adaptable code of ethics. Which leaves the reader with a noir thriller very similar to those of Kotzwinkle's contemporary, James Crumley. (Like another contemporary, Joe Biden, Kotzwinkle was born in Scranton, PA.) If you need a Crumley fix, this is an adequate substitute. There's a sequel, Bloody Martini (2023). [3½★]

[Colin Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a pretty entertaining story with a lot of interesting characters. The setting of the town full of conspiracy theorists and healers was well fleshed out, as were the descriptions of life in the monastery. Those were definitely my favorite parts, but the rest of the book I didn't like as much. I felt like we could've gotten a lot more depth to his decision to leave the monastery and along the way as he made choices that took him further away from that life. I also thought the plot jumped around a lot and people or storylines that seemed like they were going to be major only lasted for shorter parts of the book. Overall it was a pretty fun read, but there's more I would've liked to see from it.

[Konstantinos Georgokitsos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not having read any Kotzwinkle since the 80's, this book was a lucky encounter. It is a hard-boiled crime book - the gory plot leaves no room for interpretation. The author, to my knowledge, never wrote anything close to this. So, it's no surprise the prose has a distinct Kotzwinkle twist to it. Not the least of which is the title giving monk who is off his meds, which naturally results in a lot of dead people. I did enjoy the book, especially since it gave me a couple of chuckles amid the absurdity of the main character's life. Go for it, if you happen to like crime.

[billy boyles · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book. It's not a gripping tale, but it is set in Arizona, where I live, and I recognized the thinly disguised settings. I mean, Paloma = Sedona. Fun.

But.

Nothing to grab my attention as in previous reads from Kotzwinkle. For me, there wasn't the intrigue like in "Game of Thirty", no epic world building like in "Amphora Project", nothing like the stripped-down genius of "The Fan Man". A mildly quirky storyline that featured a startling amount of murder! For real, the violence was graphic. Maybe that was the theme.

I would say overall worth my investment of time. I'll always be a Kotzwinkle fan, even if only half-hearted.

[Diane Hernandez · Rating 2 out of 5]

Did you like to read Mike Hammer books or watch James Bond movies in your youth? If you are male and enjoy man’s man (pre-#metoo) stories, then Felonious Monk is perfect for you. For everyone else, not so much.

Tommy was sent to a monastery to escape murder charges after a barroom brawl. His rich and mob-connected uncle is a former priest himself. However, Tommy returns to freedom, and the Arizona desert, to attend his uncle’s funeral. No one is more surprised than Tommy when he is left his uncle’s house in the will. Tommy settles in among the new age and UFO seeking crazies in the tourist town, while trying to avoid his uncle’s and his own enemies.

So, the last paragraph’s description seems fine, right? That is the book’s blurb on Goodreads too and why I selected this book on Netgalley. So, what am I complaining about? Tommy is understandably lonely for female attention after five years in a monastery. He hones in on Sally, a beautiful assistant to a local con woman. It’s Sally or no one for Tommy, who goes all in. There is one problem. Sally herself tells him she is not interested—more than once. He still pursues her. Tommy is twenty-six yet seemingly has not heard of “no means no” or online dating. I was so distracted by his behavior that I didn’t enjoy the rest of the book. Also, I didn’t see any humor in Felonious Monk either.

Overall, a big miss for me. 2 stars.

Thanks to Blackstone Publishing and NetGalley for a copy in exchange for my honest review.

[DuVay Knox · Rating 4 out of 5]

A truly FELONIOUS MONK/DETECTIVE, TONY MARTINI (he is a Monk who killed somebody so now has a Felony record): A MONK with an ANGER MANAGEMENT problem/living in a Methaphysical town in Arizona. His uncle is a CROOKED PRIEST (is there really any other Kind tho?) Enter: MAFIA HITMEN, BILL COLLECTORS and the unusual NEW AGE HOT BITCH who knows ALIENS is gitting women PREGNANT.

Kotzwinkle has a kinda signature/simple writing style that really allows U to git into the head of his characters. Its actually rather uncanny. Not that the story is really all that great. It works tho.

Butt after the FAN MAN written back in the 70s, how kan he come after that?! Everything he has written after the FAN MAN has been LESS stellar. I like what he did with the NEW AGE shizzo in terms of bringing it into a Detective/Mystery story. Actually kinda DIFFERENT. So props for that. Also like how his writing is stripped of POETRY and is straightforward in its NARRATION.

I guess, the publishers liked it too because they are already hyping the next book in the series: : FELONIOUS MONK: BLOODY MARTINI. So yeah, Imma read this one too cuz after all it IS William Kotzwinkle--and overall I digg his stile.

[Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely grabbed this book for the title*. Equal parts Prizzi's Honor, and a slender-tale Quentin Tarantino unmade feature, cooked together as spicy chili. This basically an adult graphic novel without the graphics. Former made man Tommy Martini leaves the monastery to attend his Uncle's memorial service in Arizona. He learns things about his uncle, and Tommy falls in lock step with two women who place high priority on inner spirits, tequila shots, UFO Area 51 legends, when they are not sizing up Tommy. At the same time, Tommy is dodging Mexican drug runners, other crime lords, and his own brother Domenic. I really wanted to like this sometimes lurid book more than I did. One of the book cover blurbs suggests it's Arizona noir (NO, not it's not.) I can only hope that Book #2 is an improvement. Author Kotzwinkle, a prolific writer is known for writing the novelization of E.T., as well as many other books. The Tarantino-influence comes in hard and heavy through often lame humor, the violence, the bizarre women caricatures, and plenty of concrete, knives, guns (and people testing them out.) *Also there are monks, but absolutely no jazz in this book. (2.9-3.2 stars/5.0 stars).

[Karen Filipowicz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tis one is so different. I loved it mostly because it was so interesting. The characters were so weird. Beginning with the monk. he lived in a monastery for 5 years because 5 years earlier working as a bouncer he accidentally killed some guy by punching him one time. Then his uncle sends word that he's dying and wants to see him before that happens. So he goes to see him just in time. After he's dead and the will is read he discovers his uncle who was a priest, also happens to have lots of mafia in him and the family, leaves him a beautiful extravagant house and alot of money. He meets Desmond and his wife who is quite beautiful but batshit crazy, Cheyenne. Dez tells him he has a hot girlfriend who he is going to leave Cheyenne for and go be with her and horses. But he never gets there. Brother Tommy as he's called starts sleepng with Cheyenne, Big mistake but also likes her best friend Sally. Onother mistake. Overall it is very interesting with characters that broke the mold. Recommend highly

[Claudia Sorsby · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the perfect corrective, following a book I thought I should have loved but didn’t. Here, from the first page I knew this was right for me; a modern hard-boiled piece, served with a twist of the young hero monk, hiding from his past but being forced out into the world again.

The southwestern setting was unusual (a man driving down mean streets who is not himself mean...), but it worked well. The clashes between the regular criminal folk, the New Agey nonsense folk (both scammers and scammees), and the local Native Americans made a lot of sense, and the voice was perfect; strong and self-assured.

My only real complaint was that it went on a little too long; the relationships with the women could have wrapped up a bit sooner. Not a major issue.

This is the second book I’ve read by Kotzwinkle, and I’m intrigued, because it’s so completely different from the other one (The Bear Went Over the Mountain), which I liked even more.

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

I almost gave this book 5 stars. I read the audible.com version of this which is perfectly narrated.

Tommy Martini was built like a star athlete and could have become a football player or wrestler. But in his youth he works as a bouncer, and afflicted with severe anger, he kills a person with one punch. His grandfather helps bury the killing, and Martini joins a monastery in Mexico. At the start of the book he is called back to his home town, a lot like Sedona AZ, as his grandfather is dying. He learns he is the heir to his grandfather's large house and large but hidden fortune. People are after both, and Martini encounters a raft of bad guys who end up badly. He also meets with two women, one a new age prophetess of UFOs and another a follower of her.

The book is very violent, all of it very satisfying. In many crime novels the dialog and writing can seem forcibly hard boiled; not in this one. It's all hard boiled but real and very enjoyable. I damned near gave it 5 stars, I enjoyed it that much, but that doesn't seem right for a crime novel.

[Max · Rating 4 out of 5]

Filled with quirky characters, clever dialogue, a sympathetic protagonist, the Mafia, UFO enthusiasts, and bodies galore, William Kotzwinkle has written a thriller that fans of Elmore Leonard and Carl Hiassen will enjoy. Tommy Martini, doing penance for killing a man in a barroom fight, is living as a monk in Mexico when his uncle, a priest, dies. His uncle leaves Tommy a house in Arizona, and clues to two million in cash and a stolen priceless cross, unusual assets for a man who had taken a vow of poverty. As Tommy investigates further, bad men come looking for the cash and cross, and bodies begin to fall. Tommy begins a self-destructive affair with a local girl who is an "expert" on the invasion by aliens from outer space. The book has more than its share of violence and death and strangely interesting characters. Tommy's choices are driven by the lessons he learned from his grandfather, a Mob boss. The plot is improbable at times but the book's entertainment value makes up for it.

[Genevieve Paquette · Rating 4 out of 5]

What better way to spend Easter weekend than with a monk in need of anger management? Felonious Monk was expertly written. The pacing was perfect. The characters were, I don't want to say quirky, but... quirky? Slightly absurd but also believable? And just about everyone was morally ambiguous, at best. The titular monk, we discover at the start, has no real vocation, entering the order as a penance for something he did in a fit of rage. That rage, and his attitude for violence, comes in very handy. His love interest, a con artist with no conscience, was absolutely detestable- she keeps you reading because you need to see if she ever gets what's coming to her. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about the story. In one way, it was a standard sort of manly thriller with intellectual aspirations. In an other, it was bleak and uncomfortable, almost an exercise in futility, a brief, violent chapter in a man's life that comes to nothing, with no lasting (or even temporary) effects. The monk ends the story in much the same mental and emotional state that he begins it in. The ending left me cold. There was no feeling of satisfaction upon completion, you know? And because of that I'm not really sure how to rate it. There were aspects that were great, some really fantastic lines and some interesting, thought-provoking concepts, but overall? I don't know.

[Neal Fandek · Rating 2 out of 5]

Vivid violence! Incredibly beautiful sexy women! A hero in tiptop shape and heart of gold who can kill people with one punch! A mafia priest! A lovable mafia family! Luxury, antiques, incredibly expensive fast cars all around, the lifestyle of the .1%! Who could ask for more? I can. The author has a way with violence in scenes, no question about it, but the characters (almost) and plot are tissue thin. I got tired of novels where everyone is famous, rich, heart of gold, young, best of the best, live lives of supernatural luxury a decade ago. Is this what people really want?

If I were a sociologist from say formerly Communist Romania, I would say this is propaganda. Propaganda extolling unfettered American capitalism and violence.

[Linda Cook · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Well, this is definitely a departure from Walter The Farting Dog - a favourite at the school I worked at. And another proof that men really do think with their other head. The woman was poison and crazy from the outset and he knew it but ‘junior’ convinced him he could deal with that. Loved the monk angle , a mafioso progeny who was performing penance in the monastery for an accidental murder. He sure had a lot of skills he kept up with in the monastery, high kicking in a robe? I would have liked to see that! And the body count——- I may never visit Vegas and the surrounding areas or Arizona. Parts of this book were laugh out loud funny and reminded me of some of the detective noir books.

[Michael · Rating 3 out of 5]

Vittorio Martini is a saintly priest and a duplicitous mobster. He also helped his nephew Tommy out of a jam five years ago. So when Tommy gets the word that his uncle is dying and wants to see him, Tommy leaves the monastery and heads to Paloma. There he has a brief conversation with his uncle before he passes away and leaves Tommy everything, including $2 million that he stole from the cat lick mob. It's not surprising that someone wants to kill Tommy, but the number is impressive. Uncle Dominic, a cement contractor, comes in handy, since he cany bury more bodies than a funeral parlor. Tommy meets up with Cheyenne, a beautiful ufoligist/spiritualist. Tommy starts to think she might be dangerous, when he finds her ex husband's genitals in a jar.

[Joseph · Rating 4 out of 5]

Terrific novel featuring a self imposed monk who killed a guy in a bar room fight who also is a nephew of a deceased priest who was in a crime family. The now ex-monk has a little problem with rage. If that's not enough there are a couple of gorgeous, murderous women who ascribe to UFO's implanting aliens in earthlings. And if that's really not enough a member of a different crime family is after the ex-monk for $2 million believed to be inherited by the nephew from his dead uncle. Put all that together and you have a really entertaining novel.

[Linda Frances · Rating 3 out of 5]

The best way I can describe this book is to say it's seriously weird.

On the negative side, for me, was there was a LOT of violence. It also was heavily into mafia characters, and I think there are already too many books, movies, television shows, etc about the mafia.

Positives are the wry humor and the unpredictability, plus, of course, the weirdness.

I really enjoyed the first half, but it kind of went downhill for me after that. By the end, I was more than ready for it to be over. I agree with my husband that it needed a good and firm editor.

[Tonya Bryner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is not for everyone. Lots of violence, some hooking up (talked about a little much since he's coming off 5 years in a monastery), and a dead uncle who was far more than a priest. But it's a very unique plot and interesting to see what follows in Tommy's kick-butt path. Lots of mobsters and bent Catholics (or Cath-licks as he likes to say) and weird UFO believers, but an interesting read.

[Milica · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF @ chapter 26

Stopped reading when main character said that maybe her husband wouldn't have left her if she put some effort in her appearance. Fuck that and fuck you. Did her husband put an effort into their relationship, or his appearance for that matter?? Of course not. He put his efforts into finding a lover and running away with her.
Also, the narrator was trying so hard to make his voice sound deeper and it didn't sound good.

[Charles Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

A well-paced story, but I found it hard to understand what the author was aiming for. A thriller, perhaps, but as the body count piled up, it felt more like a farce, or a guidebook on corpse disposal techniques. Also, the main character, Tony Martini, is supposed to have an anger management problem, but this fits poorly with the methodical way he goes about everything.

Still, it kept me reading until the end.

[Evelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another Goodreads Giveaway win. Took me 2 days to read, only because I do other stuff, like watch Gator football. Brother Tommy Martini did catch me from the beginning! Beginning and end - full circle with Uncle Vittorio, Mafia. Always need a cousin, Dominic. A Father Primo. Money. Lots of money!